Too Much of a Good Thing (2020)

Mission 075: The Meaning of Life [Unimportant]
"hey unimportant, did you just get up?" "yeah getting up at the crack of noon every day was just too much so i've decided to sleep until three or four" "smart" "yeah i feel so much better now" "so anything good in the newspaper?" "all i look at is the horoscopes; i don't know why they bundle up all this useless garbage with it" "i enjoy the crossword puzzles until about halfway through then i get mad at them" "like look at this shit: 'buiz-nass and finn-ance' what the fuck is that" "so is your horoscope good today" "oh yeah let's see" Unimportant scans the Saggitarius section of the horoscopes. "o-oh no" "what" "OH NO" Unimportant slowly slinks back into bed. "what what happened" Jakey picks up the horoscopes and sees the words "bad luck" under Saggitarius. "oh i'll just uh leave you alone then" Jakey exits Unimportant's apartment, and looks at the Taurus horoscope. "'today you will take michelle home'" Jakey looks up, and sees Michelle, waiting expectantly. "you heard the stars, jakey; take me home"
[reward: respect +/Taurus jacket]

Mission 076: Uncertainty [Unimportant]
"hey unimportant are you feeling better today" "i don't know yet let me check" Unimportant pulls out today's newspaper and flips to the horoscopes, looking for her Saggitariusly horoscope. "oh yes i feel great today" "oh that's good to hear" "but uh you're a taurus right" "yeah" "you should probably take it easy today; your horoscope says that you will likely have a painful (yet comical) accident with a frying pan today" "that's oddly specific" "well it's never been wrong before" "yeah i'll just lay on the couch here" Jakey hops onto the couch, and lands directly on Unimportant's frying pan, badly hurting his back. "OW FUCK" "oh right sorry my cupboard is out for repair so i just put my frying pan on the couch for now" "thanks for warning me" Jakey falls off the couch and onto Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/frying pan t-shirt]

Mission 077: Gone Fishin' [Rachel]
"so rachel how's the fishing going" "oh it's great; i've caught like a lot of them" "good good" "right now, i'm trying to find this 'the big one' i've heard so much about" "oh wow nice" "so check it out; i've got my large fishing rod here, and i am baiting it with deliciously well-done filet mignon" "did you bring any for us humans or just enough for the fish" "oh i brought a LOT so go ahead and eat some" "don't mind if i" Jakey sits down to eat some deliciously well-done filet mignon, and soon, Rachel feels a hard tug on her rod. "WOAH THIS IS IT I ASSUME COME ON AND HELP" Jakey pulls at Rachel's waist as Rachel yanks and yanks until finally the big one is caught. "oh MAN that is the biggest one i've ever seen!!!" "i don't think they make bigger ones than that" The big one flops around in the boat until finally it suffocates. Rachel lifts the big one high into the air over her head in triumph. "AND CUT" "cut?!" Directour and the entire film crew step out of the bushes inconspiculously scattered around the boat. "yeah the movie's done now" "i thought you said you were giving up acting?!" "that was in-character" "in-chara-just how long were you filming?!" "a little over a year now" Jakey slaps his palm into his face. "you know, i was legitimately worried about you" "yeah i know thanks you really helped sell the plot" "well now i'll never believe you again if you seem to have any sort of problem" "that's fair" Michelle steps out of the bushes. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Gone Fishin' t-shirt]

Mission 078: Mostly Just Ghostly [Claire Who is a Ghost]
"so claire how's the ghostly fast food industry treating you" "oh it's great; now i'm dead on the inside instead of just the outside" "most people have that happen in reverse order" "i'll never achieve my deathlong dream of becoming a racecar driver" "i didn't know you were into such activities" "remember that kart race tournament a few years ago?" "oh yeah you had the fastest time trial times on every course" "yeah it was great; shame the contract i had to sign when i became undead is now forcing me to work a soul-sucking fast food job" "well uh-" "jakey i have a confession to make: i've been lying all these years about ghosts being better than vampires; i've always been jealous of the freedom that vampirism provides when compared to being a ghost" "hey thanks!!!" Gwendolyn leaps out from an inconspicuous bush placed right in Claire's living room. "i got it all on camera; thanks for finally admitting our undead superiority" "whatever; laugh it up" "i will; this is going straight onto youtube" Gwendolyn checks her watch. "well uh when i get home it is; it's daylight right now so i'm going to have to crash with you for a bit" "whatever" Michelle leaps over the back of the couch, and sets a bucket of popcorn between herself and Gwendolyn. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Gwendolyn missions]

Mission 079: Dead Inside [Claire Who is a Ghost]
"jakey i don't feel so good" "you're flickering" "oh no; it's happened" "what what" "ghosts only exist because of they have a reason to live but now that i am dead inside i am fading away" "well uh maybe we should talk to jezzie about it" "i'm not gonna make it" Jakey quickly pulls out his phone and uses the black sacrament app, calling Jezzie forth. "hey what's up" "claire isn't feeling too hot" Jezzie looks over at Claire, who is flickering wildly. "ah shit i went too far this time" Jezzie scribbles something on a piece of paper. "here's your pinkslip; you're fired from ecto-burger" "really?!" "yeah you're no use to me if you fade away completely; let's go and find something to haunt that you'll enjoy" "oh boy; let's head down to the racetrack" "oh good idea; we haven't had an unbeatable ghost racer since 1906" Jezzie snaps her fingers, and she and Claire are teleported away instantly, leaving behind only ash, Jakey, and Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jezzie missions]

Mission 080: The Fire Inside [Claire Who is a Ghost]
"JAKEY i did it; i have my own racecar with which to destroy the competition" "and you've stopped flickering" "yeah i should have died inside years ago" "so is this your car" "oh yeah check it out; it's got a seat, a steering wheel, and even an engine" "wow" "no doors though, which is weird" "do you just climb in through the window?" "yeah it's really strange; i should talk to the ghost mechanics later about it" "so is it gas or electric" "neither; it's powered purely by ectoplasm, and one tank is more than enough for an entire race" "seems almost unfair" "well i mean we are the evil racing team i suppose" "true true; what are those tyres made out of" "also ectoplasm" "it's a really versatile substance isn't it" "definitely; i don't know how our deaths would even be without it" "cool cool uh what does it taste like" "..." "..." "you know, i never tried to taste it" "but now you're super-curious" "naturally" Claire sticks her finger into the vat of ectoplasm, then gives it a taste. Her face contorts into a twisted look of disgust. "so how is it" "not bad" Michelle sticks her own finger into the vat of ectoplasm and gives it a taste. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/ghostly racing t-shirt]

Mission 081: The Impression That I Get [Azalea]
Jakey walks into his apartment, and finds Azalea sitting crosslegged on the floor listening to CDs. "azalea what are you doing here" "listening to your CDs; physical media is so quaint" "uh-huh" "i had a question though; this one guy seems to be really against knocking on wood and i don't get why" "maybe he's deathly afraid of termites" "oh maybe" "maybe it's just so obvious to him that when he says he knows someone who has, he means 'has been attacked by termites'" "so did he like convince all his friends and relatives to get doorbells" "that would make sense; maybe it's just a stealth advertisement for a doorbell company" "and by the year 20XX, he's gotten all wood in the world replaced with plastics and metals so it seems he's succeeded" "i hope he got to see his dream fulfilled" "same" Michelle walks into Jakey's apartment and knocks on the wooden table. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/knock on wood t-shirt]

Mission 082: I Think, I Sink, and I Die [Azalea]
Jakey sits at his desk, ready to enjoy a nice bowl of cereal, when Azalea pops up from underneath the desk. "GAH" "jakey i don't get this song; why is the guy giving someone tips on how to destroy his clothing" "maybe he received an ugly sweater from his grandmother for christmas and he wants an excuse to stop wearing it when she visits, so he attempts to have someone destroy it so he can be all like 'oh gee grandma i don't know what happened'" "why doesn't he just tell his grandma that he doesn't like the sweater" "he doesn't want to hurt her feelings" "i didn't say to tell her she has shit taste in sweaters; just be tactful and it will all work out" "maybe he's scared because his grandma is mean and vindictive" "oh maybe" "anything else you wanted to bring up while my cereal is getting soggy" "oh yeah so in this other song, he claims he's carrying the wheel but why? why does he need to carry a wheel? what does said wheel go on? he goes on a tangent about working construction or something and leaves the wheel bit hanging" "maybe it's his grandma again; making him carry a wheel for a long-ass time" "oof well i hope for his sake that she's died within the last twenty-six years or so" "it's a possibility" Azalea retreats, leaving Jakey to eat his cereal, but after one bite, Michelle appears. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/the wheel t-shirt]

Mission 083: The Big Board of Ideas [Valerie]
"o-okay jakey i-i've come up w-with a b-bunch of new ideas f-for a superhero" "okay lay it on me" "s-so this f-first one's called the punish-man; h-his family was k-killed and h-he vows to m-murder street c-criminals" "it's already been done" "r-really?! i-i-i b-based him on y-you" "my family is still alive" "w-well i-i-i h-had to m-make him a l-little different" "anyway, next" "th-this is spiders-man; j-james spader was b-bitten by a gaggle of radioactive s-spiders and g-gained spiders p-powers" "been done" "WH-WHAT" "like, most people who try to write comics at least know the super-famous ones" "o-okay h-how about th-this: th-this is the chunk; h-he g-gets all green and m-mean when you a-anger him" "you're just fucking with me aren't you" "k-kinda" "so you knew about all of these famous heroes before i even came over" "y-yeah b-but i-i-i was h-hoping i-i'd altered it e-enough to get b-by any l-legal problems" "yes, spiders-man is definitely far enough away from what you were trying to rip off" "c-coming up with n-new ideas is h-hard" Michelle walks in and slaps down her new idea for a superhero, Steel Man; a billionaire who was kidnapped by terrorists and forced to make a flying suit of steel to escape. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Chunk t-shirt]

Mission 084: Intrusion [Jean]
"yo jean how's watching netflix all day going" "oh it's great; i'm watching this one tv series about an asian family" "asians? what do they do that's so great" "well the father is fat and works at a nuclear power plant and the mother has big blue hair-" "are you talking about the simpsons" "yes" "i don't think they're supposed to be asian" "they're yellow though" "maybe they're all just jaundiced" "oh maybe" Just then, there is a knock at the door. Jean opens it with magic. "hello who are you" "my name is arabella; i am a canadian aristocrat and i need your help" "really?" "yeah i hear you're the only being to ever successfully interrupt one of scarlett's bubbly baths and i NEED to get in there and talk to her" "uh why can't you just wait until she's done" "i have to tell her all about this big ball of twine i saw!!!" "how big are we talking here" "bigger than my whole head!!!" "wow that's pretty big" "yeah so can you please help?!" "yeah okay let's go" Jean and Arabella teleport off to Scarlett's house. "what just happened" Michelle walks into the apartment carrying a large ball of twine. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Arabella missions/Scarlett missions]

Mission 085: Discerning Taste [Alison]
"jakey the job website gave me this one but i have no idea what it is" "so mel ee er? isn't that the guy who works in the heavy metals factory and forges metal items" "that sounds dangerous" "well we should go check it out either way" "okay" Jakey and Alison hop into The Motherfucker, and drive down to Mountain Dewz Я Us, where Shopkeepour stands behind the counter, chewing a fresh stick of Double Bubble chewing gum. "ah you must be the new some- uh tasting people" "is this job just tasting various flavours of mountain dew" "yes but you also have be able to tell their age and composition" "I HAVE TRAINED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT" Jakey leaps into the chair, and waits for Shopkeepour to pour him a glass of Mountain Dew. "hmm yes the colour tells me this is a classic green; the scent hints toward a mix slightly skewed toward the carbonated water" Jakey takes a sip and swishes it around in his mouth. "no mistaking it; this is a 1997 mountain dew; a rough year to be honest" Shopkeepour cracks open another can. "i can tell by the sound of the crack that that can only be a 1983 vintage; that distinct crack is only found in cans produced between april 1983 and november 1983" Shopkeepour pours the can into a small glass. "this is not a drinkable can, as there's barely any syrup; it's mostly just carbonated water" Shopkeepour cracks a new can, and pours out a purple liquid. "oh mountain dew pitch black what a sight; unfortunately, it is the inferior pitch black II; only released in october of 2005" Jakey takes a sip, for he hasn't sipped such a beverage in a long time. After one sip, however, he does not want to take any more sips. Michelle walks over and glugs down their entire cup. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Mountain Dew Pitch Black II t-shirt]

Mission 086: An Important Task [Alison]
"okay jakey the next job is really important; someone's dog is sick so i have to go to this address and bark at the post lady as a substitute" "oh let's go right away" Jakey and Alison hop into The Motherfucker and drive out to a specific address, where Alison lies in wait for the post truck. As it rounds the corner, Alison rears up. When the post lady exits the truck, Alison barks with all her might, barely contained by the dog fence. Undaunted, the post lady continues her delivery and moves on to the next house. "how'd i do" "flawless; were you a dog in your past life" "maybe" Michelle walks up and hands Alison a doggy bone. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/IMPORTANT t-shirt]

Mission 087: Safety First [Special Agent Grace]
"uh grace what's with the barrel" "as your royal/loyal protector, i must engage in activities and make sure they are safe for you" "okay why the barrel though" "i am going to go over niagra falls in this barrel to see if it is safe" "oh okay don't let me stop you" "to spice it up, however, the barrel will be shot out of a cannon" "naturally" Grace hops into the barrel, and Jakey loads it into the cannon. "everything is set; just light the wick and watch me go" "okay" Jakey lights the wick on the cannon, and Grace is sent flying inside her barrel. The barrel splashes into the river, then tumbles over the falls in short order. Grace lands at the bottom of the falls, and drifts safely to shore. "LET'S GO AGAIN LET'S GO AGAIN" "do we have enough gunpowder for that" "oh yeah i brought tonnes; it's all right next to that giant magnifying glass" "oh cool" Jakey grabs more gunpowder, revealing Michelle within the pile. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/barrel-cannon-falls t-shirt]

Mission 088: Safety Second Also [Special Agent Grace]
"so what cool thing are you protecting me from today" "okay check it out: i am going to ride this sweet motorcycle and jump across this grandiose canyon through a flaming ring of uh fire and land on a narrow beam on the other side, which is hovering over a pit full of piranhas, drive across the beam, and make it to the KFC on the other side" "okay why KFC though" "i was in the mood for chicken" "fair enough" "okay here i gooooooo" Grace jams the throttle hard and ramps her motorcycle over the Grandiose Canyon, doing a sick backflip through a fiery ring, landing on a narrow board, and cruising into KFC, where she orders a bucket of chicken. "wow grace you did it" "to be honest, eating all this chicken might be the least safe thing i've done all day" Michelle walks out of the KFC, carrying five chicken pot pies. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/motorcycle-ramp-fiery ring t-shirt]

Mission 089: Trivial Rights [Natalie]
"jakey can you read this case statement to me because i'm not sure i'm reading it right" "uh okay" Jakey grabs the case statement off the desk. "'i, scarlett hayes, am going to sue my aunt, arabella hughes, for breaking and entering and invasion of privacy; i do not care about some dumbass fucking ball of TWINE YOU FUCKING CUNT ESPECIALLY NOT WHILE I'M IN THE TUB LEAVE ME ALONE'" "yeah that's what i thought it said" "so are you going to take the case" "i keep trying to call this scarlett woman, but i keep getting the machine" "she's probably in the tub" "at all hours of the day?!" "yeah" "doesn't she get all pruney" "astoundingly, no; she's built up a tolerance to it" "weird" "yeah well we all need a hobby" "and cleanliness is next to godliness" "amen" Hearing this, Michelle decides she needs to be much cleaner, but she needs something from Jakey to realise her new ambition. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/bathtub t-shirt]

Mission 090: Large and Not in Charge [Amber]
Jakey walks into Amber's apartment to find her spawled out on the couch, looking sad. "oh what's wrong" "it's the decennial pixington games and i can't compete this year" "why not" "i'm too big" "oh right" "the largest competitor in the pixington games was a whopping 1'5"; i'm four feet taller than that" "is there any rule specifically against pixingtons your height?" "no but i physically can't compete; how am i supposed to fly through one of these" Amber holds up an onion ring. "have you tried yoga" Amber hucks the onion ring at Jakey's head. "oh well maybe in the future, they will invent a way for me to shrink in size on command" "oh great idea; let's call someone from the future and ask" Jakey dials up Azalea, who appears in three shakes. "you're getting slow; usually it only takes you two shakes" "it took a while to find the shrinky suit okay?" Azalea hands Amber the shrinky suit. "oh wow it's just my size" "yeah, because i shrunk it to your size" "cool cool uh where do my wings go" "pardon?" "there isn't any room for my wings in here" "can't you just smoosh them in" "oh sure if i wanted to break them" Azalea sighs. "i'll be back in five shakes or less" Azalea trudges off, then, true to her word, she arrives back in four shakes. "here you go, fresh from the future: a shrinky suit made to accomodate a pixington's wings; apparently they're all the rage in the future" "oh thanks" Amber dons the new shrinky suit, and shrinks back down to her original size. "hold up that onion ring" Jakey does as Amber says, and she flies straight through it. "all right!!!" Meanwhile, Michelle had donned the other shrinky suit and shrank down to stand on Jakey's shoulder. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Azalea missions]

Mission 091: Small and Also Not in Charge [Amber]
"so how'd the games go" "i didn't get to compete" "what? why not" "apparently i'm too 'out of shape' or something" "couldn't the shrinky suit shrink you into the proper shape?" "that's what i said but they meant 'physical condition' by shape" "they should really say what they mean" "i know right; they're just jealous because i can eat five ice cream cones when it takes an entire family of them to eat even the one" "i am sure that's it" "yes; i'm glad we agree" Michelle walks into the room, carrying seven ice cream cones at once. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/five ice cream cones t-shirt]

Mission 092: An Incredible Offer [Gwendolyn]
Jakey sits at his computer at 2AM, when there is a knock at the door. He swings the door open to find Gwendolyn, who begins speaking in a monotone voice. "hello sir slash madam i am here to provide you with a once in a lifetime offer; how many times have you been sitting at your computer at 2AM when suddenly a salesman slash saleswoman knocks on your door and begins" Gwendolyn flips over her note card. "speaking at you in a monotone and promises to provide you with a once in a lifetime offer?" "at least once" "yes, it is an epidemic; but with my patented system of three easy payments for $14.99, you, too, can" Gwendolyn rifles through her pockets for her next notecard. "avoid the hassle of being accosted by salesmen slash saleswomen" Gwendolyn pauses. "psst jakey you're supposed to say 'how does it work'" "oh uh how does it work" Gwendolyn resumes her monotone delivery. "it is simple; by giving me $14.99 at three separate points, i will leave you alone until i want more" Gwendolyn flips over the second notecard. "money" Gwendolyn pauses again. "don't you have anything to say" "not really" "come on i've got to make my sales quota by the end of the night" "how many have you sold" "a whopping zero" "and how many do you need" "like ten" "so you want $149.90" "plus two additional payments of $149.90 later, yes" "why" "because i have to hit my quota" "why do you even have a quota for this" "some other evil employee dared me to become employee of the month and i asked jezzie and she said i could do it by selling at least ten of these plans each night" "and you're going to come back every night for the rest of the month, asking for $149.90" "yeah; come on i'll pay you back in october" "fine" Jakey pulls out his wallet and hands Gwendolyn a crisp 149.90 Alabama Fun Bux note. "so i'll put you down for ten plans and i'll be back tomorrow to sell you ten more, and get the next payment of these ten as well" "hooray" "AND PUT ME DOWN FOR FIFTY" Michelle slaps a cheque into Gwendolyn's hands. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/salesman protection plan]

Mission 093: Volunteerism [Jezzie]
"hello and like welcome to like ecto-burger!!!" Jezzie drapes a peace sign across her forehead. "are you enjoying your work here" "no it actually really sucks but someone's got to do it until i can find a new ghost to fill the roster; unless you're volunteering?" "uh no" "then what would you like like to order!!!" "i'd like the ecto-burger plain with extra fries and a large mountain dew" "thank you like sir!!! that will be right like up!!!" Jezzie turns around, conjures up a meal, then hands it to Jakey. "um this isn't what i ordered; this burger is fully-loaded" "yet another reason for you to want me to get a new ghost to fill the roster" "and these fries have way too much salt" "and look, another" "and my soda is nothing but carbonated water; also it's not mountain dew, it's diet sprite" "gee, yet another" "fine, fine, i get the hint" Jakey throws his "food" into the garbage, and exits the restaurant, bumping into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/extra fries t-shirt]

Mission 094: A New Workforce [Jezzie]
"jezzie i couldn't find any other ghosts" "you do realise that you can just make new ones right" "i'm not evil, despite your best efforts" "ah well, i did find a new employee so go ahead and order" "oh boy" Jezzie disappears as Jakey reaches the counter. "i'll have the plain ecto-burger with a giganto-fries and an ultra-mountain dew" The cashier turns around to reveal Jakey's worst nightmare - Bonerietta herself, in the lack of flesh. "FUCK" Jakey turns to run away as Bonerietta raises a gigantic bone over her head and lets loose a fearsome war cry. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NO NO NO GET AWAY" "YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME; I'LL CHASE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH" Jakey runs and runs and runs out to The Motherfucker, but he sees a familiar figure standing next to it. "VEHICLE INSPECTION" "NO TIME" Jakey whips the door open and leaps into The Motherfucker, burning rubber away from the Ecto-Burger. "oh no you DON'T YOU GET BACK HERE" Ruth hops into her truck, and peels out after Jakey. Bonerietta hops into the bed of Ruth's truck, in hot pursuit of The Motherfucker. Jakey mashes buttons on The Motherfucker's dashboard, and turns it into a plane, which flies him back to Canada and the safety that comes with it. Just as Jakey starts to feel safe, he feels a hand touch him from behind. "GAH" The hand, of course, was Michelle's. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Ruth missions]

Mission 095: Paper Jam [Arabella]
"and THIS is the number one jams factory; every number one jam in history has passed through here at one point" "wow" "RECRUITS what are the status of the jams we are working on" "well uh 'watering my ficus' isn't going very well at all" "watering my what? throw that one in the trash" "we've already sunk a hundred thousand canadian fun bux into it" Arabella buries her face in her hands. "in WHAT WORLD would a number one jam mention a ficus?!" "we were hoping earth" Arabella slaps her forehead. "i need go lie down; jakey is in charge until i get back" Arabella trudges off, defeated. "so uh guys what's the next jam" "oh the next one is coming along beautifully; it's called 'ficus and fungus'" "i have never heard the word 'ficus' anywhere near as much as i have in the past five minutes" "well, you'd better get used to it, because we're adding it to everyone's lexicon" "are you taking bribes from a special interest group dedicated to ficuses" "uh no comment" "whatever, next" "progress is so-so on 'dried-out ficus blues'" "i'll bet" "and finally, 'a focus on ficus' is going pretty well" "that sounds like a segment on the daytime news, not a fucking number one jam" "well-" "you're fired" "fair enough" The employee leaves, and Michelle enters the room carrying a ficus. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/ficus t-shirt]

Mission 096: A Ficus Unlike Us [Arabella]
"and THIS is the ficus factory; i usually ignore this one but i think it's grown too powerful" "we should probably just blow it up from orbit and never speak of it again" "i'll keep that option in mind, but we need to see the situation first; RECRUITS report your status" "well uh the ficus we tried to make out of jam didn't go too well" Arabella buries her face in her hands. "so it's not a question of this ficus factory becoming too powerful, it's a question of everyone becoming retarded somehow" "maybe they were always retarded and you just didn't notice" "i'm still going to blow up the ficus factory from orbit" "good idea" Jakey and Arabella head out to the orbital bombs factory, and launch one at the ficus factory, destroying it completely. Michelle also launches an orbital bomb at the GPS factory. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/orbital bomb t-shirt]

Mission 097: Riboflavin Dreams [Scarlett]
"okay jakey same drill as last time; guard my bath and only come in if i yell 'RIBOFLAVIN'" "you can count on me" Scarlett turns and grabs her rubber ducky and heads into the bath. She begins to sing a jolly tune. "♫imagine me and you, i do♫" As Jakey bops along to the tune, Azalea warps in in her time machine. "I HAVE COME TO WARN OF A DIRE FUTUR-" Jakey grabs Azalea and covers her mouth. "♫I CAN'T SEE ME LOVIN' NOBODY BUT YOU FOR ALL MY LIFE♫" "what the FUCK jakey i have to warn scarlett of a dire future!!!" "not while she's in the bath you don't" "jakey there's NO TIME!!! if i can't get to her before this bubbly bath finishes, the future is doomed!!!" "why what happens" "CHAOS PANDEMONIUM" "could you be more specific" "uh no" "then i can't let you in" "come ON jakey i've got fifty bux riding on this!!!" "what" "what" "you said something about fifty bux" "no i didn't" "did you make a bet with someone that you could interrupt scarlett's bubbly bath" "what? pfft no way that's ridiculous" "out" "fuckin piece of shit-ass goddamn" Azalea storms out of the house, down fifty Alabama Fun Bux. Scarlett successfully finishes her bubbly bath, and Michelle approaches from the stairs. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/CHAOS PANDEMONIUM t-shirt]

Mission 098: In the Midnight Hour [Scarlett]
"okay jakey same drill as last time; guard my bath and only come in if i yell 'RIBOFLAVIN'" "you can count on me" Scarlett turns and grabs her rubber ducky and heads into the bath. She begins to sing a jolly tune. "♫life is a mystery♫" "MYSTERY?!" Erin attempts to drop down from the ceiling, but Jakey pins her to the wall. "ow" "listen, scarlett is in the middle of a bubbly bath and is not to be disturbed" "but she said she has a mystery" "she's singing a jolly tune" "♫WHEN YOU CALL MY NAME, IT'S LIKE A LITTLE PRAYER♫" "see?" "oh no i don't trust you any more; i'm tearing down this door if i have to to get to the juicy mystery within!!!" Jakey buries his face in his hands as Erin grabs a nearby lead pipe. "please don't" "i won't destroy the wall if you open the door for me" "fine" Jakey opens the door he's standing in front of, and Erin sets down the lead pipe. "thank you" Erin enters the room, and Jakey slams the door shut and locks it tight. "WHAT THE FUCK THIS ISN'T A BATHROOM IT'S A BROOM CLOSET" "i'll let you out once scarlett is out of the bath" "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS" "i'm sure" As Erin bangs on the door, Scarlett finishes her bubbly bath. "ah i feel refreshed" "may i release the intruder" "uh sure" Jakey opens the door to the broom closet, and Erin leaps out and shoves Jakey down the spiral staircase, before turning and ransacking Scarlett's bathroom. However, she only finds bath items and Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/broom closet mystery t-shirt]

Mission 099: Dreams That Scatter [Scarlett]
"okay jakey same drill as last time; guard my bath and only come in if i yell 'RIBOFLAVIN'" "you can count on me" Scarlett turns and grabs her rubber ducky and heads into the bath. She begins to sing a jolly tune. "♫what i want, you've got, but it might be hard to handle♫" As Jakey bops along to the tune, Victorrhea makes the hard climb up Scarlett's stairs and pulls out a notecard. "hello sir slash madam i am here collecting money for the terminally ill citizens of alabama" "oh uh take my money" Jakey hands Victorrhea a stack of bills. "♫WELL WELL YOU, YOU MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE♫" "hey thanks; now i'm going to go collect from the woman i hear in that room" "uh no i'll cover her share as well" Jakey hands Victorrhea another stack of bills. "oh cool thanks" Victorrhea leaves, content that her strategy had worked, as she never planned to actually enter the bathroom in the first place. The rest of the bath goes by without incident, and Scarlett and Michelle emerge contented. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Victorrhea missions]