E3 2020

we're doing things a little differently this year

since twitter has absolutely retarded anti-privacy shit where they require you to add a real-ass phone number to your account, we're going a different route
unfortunately, this means i cannot "re-tweet" anything as the show goes on but whatever
all those people stream their reactions these days instead of twittering them anyway

if this post sounds kind of depressed or whatever, it's because i just spent the last two hours trying to make a new twitter account, and arguing with an automated bot that kept the conversation going in circles
i'm kind of burnt out now

now, since i'm using a different site, i'm now able to reuse names but i decided against it
as with every year, i will use a different name/identity to say my piece

2019's newest identity is
Steven Stimmerman aka Stretchy-Boy, the stretch-based superhero

https://gab.com/Stretchy-Boy

gab is basically twitter for old conservatives
so i'll fit right in


2013: https://twitter.com/guycoolington
2014: https://twitter.com/RickScoop
2015: https://twitter.com/ScootToTheTruth
2016: https://twitter.com/minchwood
2017: https://twitter.com/RichterNitro
2018: https://twitter.com/PapaParazoni

the Papa Parazoni account was put into a weird limbo state where you can't view it but i still can (because I violated their rules by not wanting them to have my data)
i took a screencap of everything and i'll upload if if anyone cares


E3 2019 schedule (EST):
Sunday 4:00 - Microsoft
Sunday 8:30 - Bethesda
Sunday 10:00 - Devolver Digital
Monday 1:00 - PC Gaming Show
Monday 4:00 - Ubisoft
Monday 7:30 - "Kinda Funny Games" (whatever that is)
Monday 9:00 - Square-Enix
Tuesday 12:00 - Nintendo

all times are PM

Sony and EA are missing this year
EA is no big loss, since it's always just yearly sports games, some gay BioWare shit, and a bad Star Wars game.
Sony was absolutely abhorrently terrible last year, so whatever.



hopes and expectations for the ones i actually have hopes for:

MICROSOFT:
i don't even know what they could do at this point
the only hope for them is "cool new IP" but they've been just cancelling new IPs lately (Scalebound)
they're totally going to brag about the sharp increase in xbox game pass subscriptions
but that only happened because they made three months cost just $1 a couple months ago (that was a really great deal though and I'm very glad they did it)

BETHESDA:
hopes: The Elder Scrolls VI information and it hasn't been dumbed down from Skyrim, in fact it's been moved back upward toward Oblivion, removal of radiant quests
expectations: The Elder Scrolls VI information and it's even more dumbed down from Skyrim, all quests are radiant

SQUARE-ENIX:
hopes: they said they'd do an expansion for Kingdom Hearts III, so I'm still hoping for a The Emperor's New Groove world
expectations: shitty Destiny-ass Avengers game

NINTENDO:
hopes: SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY 2, the Majora's Mask to Breath of the Wild's Ocarina of Time, the first good Paper Mario game since 2001, Kid Icarus, Mario Kart 9, Super Mario Warriors/Hyrule Warriors 2
expectations: Animal Crossing, Bayonetta 3, and some new Smash Bros shit for the internet to collectively shit itself over (none of which I want)
I'm so fucking tired of Smash Bros hype. No matter what happens, it's the same fucking shit. "xfags btfo!!!" "ychads report in!!!" It's the gayest shit ever. When people were seriously attaching themselves to conflicting "leaks", it was the single most pathetic thing I'd ever seen.

final grades:

MICROSOFT
so middle of the road it hurts
C

BETHESDA
had nothing for the third year in a row or is it the fourth
F

UBISOFT
it was a ubisoft conference
Z-

SQUARE-ENIX
FF7 remake looks cool, Avengers game looks kind of shit (JUSTICE FOR HAWKEYE)
B-

NINTENDO
great Smash Bros reveals, but that's about it
B



E3 2019 rankings:
6. Ubisoft
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5. Bethesda
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4. Microsoft
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3. Square-Enix
2. Nintendo
















































1. Beenox

BEENOX
CTR Nitro Fueled will have all courses and characters from CTR and Crash Nitro Kart, boatloads of new costumes and karts
and at E3, they announced plans to update the game with free post-launch content, including entirely new characters and courses for free
Tawna and the trophy girls return
A+++