Valentine's Day Special 2020

VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"hey brucie what's wrong" "i don't have a date for valentine's day" "oh that's perfect!!!" "excuse me?" "i have an overabundance of girls who want to date me on valentine's day!!! you can disguise yourself as me and take one of those girls out!!!" "oh that sounds great; i do a great impression of you" "really? let's hear it" "'hello my name is bran'" "uncanny"
Brucie takes his date out to the third-fanciest restaurant in town, displaying both social etiquette with a slight air of frugality, so as to make him more attractive to potential mates. Amber is slightly impressed, though she expected this of Bran, and has no idea that the Bran she is currently on a date with is actually Brucie. "hello welcome do you have a reservation" "yes" "um what name was that reservation for" "brucie" "right this way" As Kathy leads Brucie and Amber through the restaurant, Amber is confused. "who's brucie" "uh you always use a pseudonym in restaurants like this" "ah" Brucie wipes the sweat off his brow as he sits in his booth. Shortly afterward, the real Bran sits in the booth directly behind Amber with his own date. "i'm thinking i want the prime rib" "wha-oh oh yeah good choice nothing's too good for you" Brucie looks around nervously, and sees Jakey hustling between multiple booths, attempting to date four girls at once. "oh no look at that guy; he just ate a garlic breadstick from the table of the girl with the eyepatch but now he's going to the table of the vampire and now his breath is going to ruin the date" "it's almost like he planned this out poorly" "yeah if i was going to date multiple people, i'd have a friend disguise herself as me" Brucie begins to sweat, as Amber may be onto him. "oh nevermind; he had a mint" "clearly an expert in the craft"
"oh bran bran tell me that story again" "story?" "the one with the minotaur" "oh uh w-well" "come on come on it's my favourite" "s-so there i was: at the public pool about to dive off the high dive you know?" "yeah yeah" "when all of a sudden a minotaur pushed me off the high dive and i fell into the water before i was ready and nearly died but thankfully the lifeguard saved me and slayed the minotaur" "that story gets better every time you tell it; last time, it took place at the beach, and before that, the airport" "well you know how it is; rough draft, first draft, copy editting"
Somehow, the meal goes off without a hitch, and Brucie returns Amber to her apartment. "i had a great time" "me too" "let's do this again sometime brucie" "ye-uh i mean who" Amber rips the Bran mask off of Brucie's head and plants onto his face the kind of Valentine's Day kiss suiting the end of the story.
THE END