Mardi Gras Special 2020

MARDI GRAS SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"all right i've got all my leftover beads from last year and i'm ready to roll" "roll where" "to mardi gras" "with LAST YEAR'S beads?!" "um yeah" "those are expired!!! you don't give girls last year's valentine's day candy do you?!" "uh no" "well come with me i'll sell you what you need" Kathy leads Jakey over to her bead stall, and charges him ridiculous fees for her beads. Jakey throws some beads at her in thanks, and Kathy obliges the tradition by flashing her tits.
"okay ressie i've called you here today to be my spotter in case something goes awry" "aren't you just going to huck beads at women all day" "this year, i have bigger plans" "oh?" "i want to dive deeper than any man has before and see tits hitherto only dreamed of!!!" "what? like mermaids and shit?" "pfft nothing so simple; i want to see siri's tits" "the iphone robot?" "the very same" "she's a computer program and i doubt apple gave her a rack of tits to show" "they wouldn't dare disrespect our culture like that; mardi gras is a sacred holiday for the showing of tits, and since they made siri a girl, they had a duty to give her a digital rack" "that sounds logical" Jakey pulls out his phone. "siri it's mardi gras" "correct" "here are some beads" Jakey's phone lights up with a picture of a rack of tits. "siri do you think this is some kind of GAME?!" "what" "you just pulled up a photo of tits i had on my phone!!!" "what no those are totally mine" "THOSE ARE GRACE'S TITS; I'D RECOGNISE THEM ANYWHERE" "um" "show me YOUR tits or i'm calling the police" "i was not programmed with any tits" Jakey audibly gasps, and begins calling Sheriff Antony. "what's up" "i threw beads at a woman and she did not show her tits" "ALL UNITS CONVERGE ON THE PHONE SIGNAL"
Sheriff Antony shines the desk lamp onto Jakey's phone inside the interrogation cell. "siri why did you not show your tits when provided the customary beads?!" "i was not programmed to have any breasts" Sheriff Antony is taken aback. "o-OH you're the victim?! so sorry miss siri; i will bring those who wronged you to justice!!!"
After a quick, open-and-shut court case, the creators of Siri are arrested, and all iPhones are recalled and upgraded to feature a busty version of Siri. Everyone is happy, and Mardi Gras is saved. Jakey pulls out his phone. "siri it's still mardi gras" "yes" "here are some beads" Jakey's phone lights up with a picture of a rack of tits. "they're beautiful"
THE END