Too Much of a Good Thing (2020)

Mission 050: Balls and Also Bats [Piper]
"anyway jakey now that THAT is taken care of, it's on to more important matters" "indeed; that took way too long" "you run an athletics league right" "OH right yeah i remember doing that at some point" "do you know anything about collecting baseball cards" "as much as anyone else i guess" "okay so i found these and i think it's a complete set? what do you think" Piper lays down a bunch of cards on a table. "let's see, you've got bat, ball, glove, uniform, home plate, first base, second base, and steroids" "yeah i can't really think of anything else they use in baseball" "are you sure there isn't a 'more steroids' card" "oh maybe that would make sense wouldn't it" "and i also found these hockey cards" Piper lays out more cards onto the table. "uh i think these are boxing cards" "i thought they were the same thing" "no there are a lot of sports about fighting; boxing, hockey, wrestling, and of course knifey knifey take your lifey" "i've never heard of that last one" "oh yeah kids are playing it on the street all the time" "sounds dangerous" "it's fine as long as you're wearing the proper safety equipment" "i'll take your word for it" Michelle walks up and begins prodding Jakey with her knife. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/knifey knifey take your lifey t-shirt]

Mission 051: Through Faith [Father Brucie]
"forgive me father, for i have sinned" "oh what is it this time" "the usual; sloth, gluttony" "oh yeah those are good ones; FORGIVEN" "thanks" As Jakey and Father Brucie exit the church, they are accosted by the ghost of Sophia. "jakey good i've finally found you-" "BEGONE SPIRIT" Father Brucie leaps into the air and kicks at Sophia's ghost with his AirCross socks and sandals, exorcising her soul once and for all, never to return. "i have to admit, that was really impressive" "just doing the lord's work in the sickest way i can" "amen" Father Brucie hops on the cross he'd attached wheels to, and skates away. Michelle unwraps her new box of AirCross socks and sandals and puts them on. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/AirCross socks and sandals]

Mission 052: Escapism [The Great Cheryl]
Night falls, and The Great Cheryl's sold-out magic show begins. "BEHOLD AND WITNESS as i escape from this tiny box!!! the tiny box is filled with RED WINE and haunted by A GHOST" "hello" Claire waves to the crowd. "if i do not escape in under five minutes, i will be crushed to death by this wrecking ball!!! and if i die during this act of magic, i have willed all of my worldly posessions to THIS GREEDY JEW" Kathy slinks backward, nervously, unable to contain the intense hand-rubbing. "the jew will attempt to sabotage the trick in order to get at my precious shekels!!! BUT WATCH as i escape from the box unharmed AND without staining my robe!!!" The Great Cheryl climbs into the box, and Jakey seals her inside. "oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo" As Claire tries her best to spook The Great Cheryl, Kathy sprints over to the wrecking ball controls and attempts to crush The Great Cheryl with it preemptively. The wrecking ball slams down hard on the box, absolutely destroying it. "OW FUCK" Realising what happened, The Great Cheryl quickly teleports atop the wrecking ball. "um i mean TA-DA" The crowd erupts into raucus applause, as The Great Cheryl was not only not crushed to death, but her cape is spotless. Michelle falls from the ceiling suspended by a rope. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Claire Who is a Ghost missions]

Mission 053: Retrieval [The Great Cheryl]
Night falls once again, and The Great Cheryl's sold-out magic show begins. "FEEL PITY AND SORROW as i accidentally drop my favourite piece of jewelry into this indestructable box and seal the lid!!! HORROR AND NAUSEA as i lock away my prized jewelry with this UNBREAKABLE LOCK and toss the key into a parallel dimension!!!" The Great Cheryl hucks the key into a portal. "OW WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT" The Great Cheryl seals the portal and walks down to a not at all random member of the audience. "MISS what is your name" "azalea" "okay annabelle!!! this box is unbreakable, correct?!" The Great Cheryl hands Azalea the box, and Azalea hucks it onto the floor, and performs a piledriver on it. "yeah i'd say so" "now GAZE IN WONDERMENT as i take this unbreakable box and BREAK IT" The Great Cheryl places the box onto a table. "mazakala arbadak ARBA" Suddenly, a tiny elephant appears inside the box. The elephant rapidly expands to typical elephant size, shattering the box, and sending The Great Cheryl's jewelry right into her hand. "THANK YOU" The crowd erupts into raucus applause, as The Great Cheryl not only got her jewelry back, but also broke the unbreakable box. Michelle lies down inside a box, and immediately breaks in half. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Azalea missions]

Mission 054: The Obvious Solution [King Bran]
"hey jakey check out these sick new clothes some guy made for me" "uh they look just like your regular clothes" "that is because only the most intelligent and competent people can see them; but since most people aren't either of those things, i wore my regular clothes underneath them" "smart" "ideas like that are why i can see these clothes" "i'll take your word for it" "maybe if you work on your competency, one day you'll be able to see these sick clothes as well" "lack of consistency regarding my competence is one of my biggest character flaws" "but man these clothes are SWEET" "what do they look like" "oh man they're like all black with FLAMES and a bumper sticker that says 'all of the day bro'" "you can't see them either can you" "no" Michelle walks into the throne room. "hey nice new outfit king bran; it's inspired me to get jakey to take me home"
[reward: respect +/'All of the Day Bro' bumper sticker]

Mission 055: Critical Thinking [King Bran]
"jakey emelyn and i are about to settle a bet; she says that a hare could totally beat a tortoise in a race but i disagreed so i need you to be the fair and unbiased judge" "i can't do that" "what why" "i already know the tortoise will win" "can you like pretend to be unbiased" "fine fine" "okay we've got the tortoise and the hare lined up and ready to race so when i shoot this gun, whoever gets to the finish line first wins" "okay let's do it" "on your mark get set" King Bran swiftly aims his gun at the hare and fires, signaling the start of the race. "WHAT THAT'S NOT FAIR JAKEY DISQUALIFY HIM" "i'm looking through the rule book and i don't see any rules specifically against that so the tortoise wins" "dammit best two out of three" "you're on" King Bran and Emelyn line up another tortoise and another hare. "now this time have jakey fire the gun, and NOT at the hare" "fine fine" King Bran hands Jakey the gun. "on your mark get set" Jakey fires the gun into the air, signaling the start of the race. King Bran dashes over to the tortoise, picks him up, and whisks him away to the finish line. "COME THE FUCK ON" "there's nothing in the rule book against that either; the tortoise wins" Emelyn storms off, completely and totally upset. Michelle storms in, with a neutral mood. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/tortoise and hare t-shirt]

Mission 056: Encroachment [Emelyn]
"jakey do you remember the android" "yeah you seemed pretty upset at first but you ended up reaching an understanding" "well it was brought in to both clean up the mean streets and the castle in its off-time, but that all changed when that that RIVER-GIRL appeared and started keeping those streets spotless!!! she's a menace!!!" "i um don't follow" "now that the streets are squeaky-clean, the android has nothing to do but clean the castle but that's what i do!!! now i have nothing to do but write these scathing articles about that river-girl" Emelyn hands Jakey a copy of The New Alabamanian Times. "'river-girl cleaning the streets: too much of a good thing?!'" "and here's last week's issue" "if it's not the newest issue, doesn't that make it 'the old alabamanian times'" "you know, i'd never thought of that before" Emelyn takes out a marker and scribbles on the newspaper, then hands Jakey a copy of The Old Alabamanian Times. "'river-girl: the WORST thing since sliced bread'" "so basically what i'm saying is that until i have something to clean up, i am going to try my damnedest to expose river-girl for the menace that she is through these headlines" "um okay" Michelle walks up to Emelyn and spills her Kool-Aid all over the rug. "THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR" "and i live for jakey to take me home"
[reward: respect +/The New Alabamanian Times t-shirt]

Mission 057: The End of the Story [Emelyn]
"okay jakey i have devised a plan to rid our fair world of that menace river-girl forever!!!" "okay let's hear it" "no way you'll do something stupid to sabotage the plan because you're physically attracted to her" "you know me so well" "watch and learn" Emelyn presses play on a tape recorder. "HELP IT'S A WATER-BASED EMERGENCY" "HAVE NO FEAR, RIVER-GIRL WAS COINCIDENTALLY NEARBY" Emelyn leaps out from behind a crate and uses a freezer ray on River-Girl, freezing her solid. "no longer will she-" "what is this POWER" "goddammit" River-Girl attempts to control the water around her, but freezes it into a sharp, deadly icicle instead. "the freezer beam has turned me from a mere river-girl into GLACIER-GIRL" "FOR FUCK'S SAKE" "with this power, i can finally stop that oil-girl probably!!!" "that's the spirit" "good luck with that, for i, OIL-GIRL!!! who was also coincidentally nearby!!! cannot be stopped!!!" "wanna bet?!" "yeah here's fifty" Oil-Girl throws a crisp fifty Alabama Fun Bux note into the centre of the room, and Glacier-Girl follows suit. "okay here i go" Glacier-Girl holds out her hands, and instantly freezes every molecule of Oil-Girl's body, rendering her immobile and defeated. "sweet fifty bux" Glacier-Girl reaps her spoils, then writes on Oil-Girl's ice cube "SUPER-VILLAIN DO NOT THAW", and carries her off to the royal freezer. "so um do you have a royal sauna or something so i can go back to being river-girl" "it's upstairs" "thanks" Glacier-Girl heads upstairs to melt herself, and Michelle comes down from the sauna herself, wearing a towel. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/ice cubely Oil-Girl appears at safehouses' royal freezer]

Mission 058: Talking in Circles [Resistance Leadour]
"jakey how long did you want me to keep this concrete powder in my stomach for" "oh uh yeah you can get rid of that if you'd like" "well uh-" "sorry i mean you should resist keeping that in your stomach now" "OH YEAH" Jakey backs up, and Resistance Leadour expells the perfectly dry concrete powder out of her mouth. "that was honestly a really great resistance; i had to concentrate hard to not die horribly in some fashion or another" "i'm uh glad you liked it" "got any other resistances for me?" "yeah uh i bet you can't resist choking while swallowing this pineapple whole" "BRING IT ON" Resistance Leadour grabs the pineapple and shoves it down her throat, resisting suffocation and puncture from the thorns. "doesn't that hurt" "pfft no way; i am constantly resisting my ability to feel pain; it is as natural to me as breathing or - eugh - blinking is to you" "you could probably have a stage show if you wanted" "it wouldn't work out; i resist punctuality" "can't you just resist tardiness instead" "as much as i loathe to admit it, i am so tardy right now for so many things that switching over to resisting tardiness would probably make me explode" "can't you just resist exploding" "i can't concentrate that hard on both things at once" "just resist your inability to concentrate on both" "you're not taking this seriously are you" "i resist seriousness" "fair enough" Michelle walks up to Jakey, resisting not being taken home. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/pineapple jacket]

Mission 059: A Tough Decision [Resistance Leadour]
"jakey have you heard about that new superhero river-girl" "yeah she comes up a lot in conversation these days" "well my skillset would make me a perfect complement to her powers but i can't decide whether i should be her sidekick or a supervillain, by which i mean whether i should resist crime or resist justice" "i've never heard the phrase 'resist crime' before, but i've heard 'resist justice' plenty of times; the former option would be more groundbreaking" "yeah and i've been trying to resist groundbreaking these days so i'll be a supervillain; thanks jakey" "that's not where i was going with that" "well i have resisted where you were going with that" "dammit i should have said 'groundresisting'" "yeah well you didn't so i'm off to resist power to the city or something" "of course" Michelle walks up and smashes the concrete with a sledgehammer. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/resist crime t-shirt]

Mission 060: Abject Failure [Resistance Leadour]
"oh ressie you're back already? the power is still on" "i don't want to talk about it" "i bet you can't resist not talking about it" "i hate you" "you can't hate me; i resist hatred" Resistance Leadour glares hard at Jakey. "fine here's what happened: i went down to the power plant for some hardcore resistance but the entire plant was covered in the latest anti-resistance technology and i couldn't maintain all of these resistances at once" "well you could cut out a few simple ones" "no way i am NOT going to blink; i have an image to maintain" "fine guess you'll just have to live with failure" "hey could you go down to the plant and remove all the anti-resistance bands" "no way; you'll never overcome anti-resistance technology if you don't even try" "you just don't want to lose electricity" "well that too" "you should honestly just resist the need for such things; check it out i just posted a comment on your facespace profile" Jakey checks his phone, and there it is; a comment from Resistance Leadour just came in. "how the fuck did you do that" "i resist the need for an interface and connect myself directly to the internet; it's not that hard there are wifi signals everywhere" "how does that even work" "it's best not to think about it; check out my youtube profile i just uploaded a video from my memory" Jakey checks Resistance Leadour's YouTube profile, and finds a newly-posted video, showing her as a child resisting drowning in a swimming pool. "this memory is in perfect 4K HD" "i resist forgetfulness and remember every detail of my life" "so if i poked you in the left boob right now, you'd be able to remember it in perfect clarity ten years from now" "try me" Jakey pokes Resistance Leadour straight in her left boob. "i'll see you in ten years to recall this moment" "i look forward to it" Michelle walks straight up to Resistance Leadour and pokes her in the right boob. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/4K HD t-shirt]

Mission 061: What's Wrong with People These Days [Gwendolyn]
"jakey i've got a problem" "go on" "well my 'play videogames for the internet' gimmick is tricking people into thinking i'm a goth instead of an actual vampire but everyone was telling me i wasn't wearing enough eye makeup no matter how much i put on so i got fed up and covered my entire face in it and it looked really weird not being able to see my mouth so i put on the red lipstick" "i think i see where you're going with this" "now everyone's mad at me for no reason!!! it looked stupid as shit, but i was just following their dumb advice" "were you eating watermelon and fried chicken on camera" "SOMETIMES A GIRL GETS CRAVINGS JAKEY" "just say it wasn't you it was your twin sister brendalyn who is now safely committed to an asylum" "GREAT IDEA i'll go do that now" A little while passes, and Gwendolyn returns. "i think they bought it" "good good" Michelle enters the room, her face covered in eye makeup. "ooga booga take me home"
[reward: respect +/nigger t-shirt]

Mission 062: Not a Race [Parallel Universe Candice]
"jakey when's the next big kart race" "uh i don't know i thought that was a one-time thing" "seriously? that's kind of lame; as the reigning champion, i was looking forward to defending my title" "well i'll see what i can do but i don't know if we can come up with as many new tracks as last time" "why does it have to be new tracks? NASCAR reuses the same tracks every year" "yeah, that's stock car racing, not kart racing; they are totally different" "okay fine just scout out some land and make some tracks" "where? we've already used all the memorable locations we've been to" "i don't know go into space" "space" "yeah" "so we're supposed to take all these people and transport them out into space" "yeah; we can have a couple courses on each planet, the moon, the asteroid belt, and even the sun" "the sun" "yeah" "even if we wouldn't all die a horrible fiery death there, one of our main cast members is a vampire; she is deathly allergic to the sun" "fine fine i'll figure it out; i'll build some sick race courses around the world and maybe even in space" "go right on ahead" Michelle walks up and hands Parallel Universe Candice a blueprint for a racetrack on the moon. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/kart racing t-shirt]

Mission 063: Research and Development [Parallel Universe Candice]
"jakey i've been looking for places where we didn't race last time, and i came across this one place that seemed really cool with interesting scenery all around; it's called 'the bone zone' and i-" "stop right there" "what's wrong" "we can't race there; i have been banned for life" "man, between this, and the fact that you dropped a nuke on the only jungle around, there aren't really any new places on earth left to go" "that's why we haven't had another race tournament" "man you're way too ambitious all at once; if you'd practiced some RESTRAINT, we could have already had two or three more sequels to that racing tournament!!!" "go big or go home, i always say" Michelle walks up to Jakey. "i thought it was go big or take me home"
[reward: respect +/RESTRAINT t-shirt]

Mission 064: A Heinous Crime [Julia]
Jakey enters the park to find Julia angrily stomping up to the statue. Valerie is hanging from the statue's arm, swinging. "HEY DO YOU HAVE A PERMIT FOR SWINGING ON THE STATUE" "oh y-yeah ch-ch-ch-check it out" Valerie hands Julia the permit. "oh yeah thi-HEY THIS IS COUNTERFEIT" "WH-WHAT" "i am reporting you to the authorities" "p-p-please don't i-it's not m-my fault i-i-i-i-i bought it from a g-guy and he s-said it w-was genuine" "oh no not an entire counterfeiting operation!!!" Julia runs up to Jakey and shoves the counterfeit permit in his face. "YOU'RE A COP DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS" "i can't just look at this counterfeit permit and teleport away to its origin!!! what do i look like, a genie?!" "you look like the kind of guy who would know a genie" "okay okay fine fine" Jakey calls up Jean, and she appears instantly in the park. "do you have a teleporting into the park permit" "uh no" "then i don't want your help" "what" "i cannot accept help from someone who so fragrantly disregards the rules of the park" "flagrantly" "whatever" "fine" Jean teleports out. "HEY YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT A TELEPORTING OUT OF THE PARK PERMIT" "so how are we going to find the counterfeiters now, genius" "do you know anyone who owns a crystal ball" "no" "dammit" Michelle walks into the park and sets up a fortune telling booth, complete with crystal ball. "HEY where's your fortune-telling permit?!" Michelle is taken aback. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Valerie missions/Jean missions]

Mission 065: A Breakthrough [Julia]
"okay jakey i took the counterfeit permit to crystal ballz Я us, and the guy with the gum told me it's a canadian fake" "oh uh" "those GODDAMN CANADIANS" "um anyway do you have an address" "yeah go on and arrest the criminal; i have to stay here and make sure no one else tries to use other counterfeit permits" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and drives up to Canada, specifically Alison's house. "oh hey jakey how have you been" "i'm okay; how's the counterfeiting business going" "uh what" Jakey holds up the counterfeit permit. "those were counterfeit?! the website told me i'd be making perfectly legitimate park permits" "was 'legitimate' in quotation marks" "yeah i assumed that was for emphasis on the legitimate legitimacy of them" Jakey slaps his face with his palm. "don't worry though; now that i know they were illegal counterfeits, i'll never accept a job from that company again" "good" "so would you say this job to create nuclear passcodes for the canadian government is illegitimate as well" "yeah, i would" "dammit" Michelle walks into the room, handcuffed to a suitcase. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Alison missions]

Mission 066: Historical Reenactment [Brooke]
"jakey good timing; i am going to reenact my favourite moments from the bible" "i hope that doesn't include noah's ark" "nah but i am going to part the red sea like moses" "really? how?" "well i figured you'd drive me out to the red sea and something would come to me on the way" "fine fine" Jakey and Brooke hop into The Motherfucker and drive down to the Red Sea. "any ideas" "yeah check it out" Brooke walks over to the seashore and yells out. "ALAKAZAM" Nothing happens. "well shit" "well you tried" "if only we knew of some kind of water-based superhero who could part the red sea" "fine fine i'll call her" "what" Jakey dials up River-Girl, who appears swiftly. "you know, we never needed a water-themed superhero before, but now that we have one, we can't seem to get anything done without her" "miss river-girl could you please part this red sea here so i can walk through it" "oh yeah that sounds dope" River-Girl parts the Red Sea, leading Brooke through it. Michelle walks through the Red Sea in the opposite direction to get to Jakey. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Red Sea t-shirt]

Mission 067: History Repeats Itself [Brooke]
"okay jakey there's another bible story i'd like to reenact" "you're not going to hang yourself on a cross are you" "what? no i'm going to reenact the story of cain and abel" "oh go-WHAT" "there will be some key differences of course; my little sister is a heathen and i will be killing her in order to stop the spread and glorification of her heathen religion" "yeah um i'm pretty sure that's illegal" "oh yeah uh hey jakey you're a cop; can you go and make fratricide not illegal" "uh no" "ah fuck i'll have to hire an assassin or something do you know any" "not any more" "shit" "fine fine i'll put this one on the backburner for now; how about david and goliath" "i don't think we have anything alive that's large enough to be goliath" "oh no i'll be goliath; i'll just find a midget or small child to be david" "you do know that goliath lost right" "oh yeah sorry i forgot" Michelle enters the room and fires a slingshot at Brooke. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/David and Goliath t-shirt]

Mission 068: Law of the Wild [Natalie]
"jakey you haven't been to america for a long time so i've had nothing to clean up so i've decided to take on some lawyer-style jobs" "oh cool" "but this one makes NO sense" "sounds about right" "so this bloodthirsty sailing captain is suing a water-based superhero for 'murdering' several of her crewmen" "it's not murder; it's called due process" "due process?" "yeah; she sees a guy committing a crime, then kills him; due process" "i don't think that's what due process means" "it doesn't matter; what does matter is that criminals don't have rights" "right; this case is a slam-dunk" Michelle enters the room, and slams her hands down on the table. "jakey i am suing you unless you take me home"
[reward: respect +/due process t-shirt]

Mission 069: Craw of the Mild [Natalie]
"jakey do you know if it's possible to sue a demoness" "i don't think so" "that's what i thought" Natalie crumples up a piece of paper and hucks it into the trash can. "so who wants to sue a demoness this time" "it's unimportant" "oh she's still sore about that whole frowny stack thing, i see" "yeah i mean it sucks that on her birthday the stack was frowning but come the fuck on just flip the slice of bacon the other way" "that is far too reasonable a reaction to expect from anyone in this world" "yeah sorry" "also i think the stack was infused with demonic magic" "that's why you carry around holy christian symbols at all times" "it's one of those things; 'oh it'll never happen to me'" "so hey why didn't you just use your time machine to go back in time and stop her from receiving the fateful stack" "..." "..." "well, clearly, i didn't think of that" "maybe next time then" "probably not" Michelle warps in in her time machine. "I HAVE COME FROM A DOOMED FUTURE TO WARN OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DO NOT TAKE ME HOME"
[reward: respect +/holy Christian symbols t-shirt]

Mission 070: A Sad Tale [Amber]
Jakey enters Amber's apartment, as the door was unlocked. "hello? anyone home?" "i'm in the bedroom" Jakey walks over to the bedroom, but can't open the door. "the door is locked" "yeah i know" "okay what happened" "i went to dinner with a friend and she was like 'let's get wings' and i was thinking chicken wings because chickens are delicious right" "right" "so i eat some and then i learn they're not chicken wings, they're pixington wings!!!" "oh so you locked yourself in your room because you don't want to be hunted down for your delicious wings" "no no i locked myself in my room because they were DELICIOUS and i am wrestling with the idea that i am now a cannibal" "oh well how long have you been locked in there" "about twenty missions or so" "aren't you hungry?" "yeah i could really go for some pixington wings right about now, which is why i locked myself in here" "do you want me to get you a pizza or something" "oh yeah that would be good; i'll have pepperoni and pixington wings" Realising what she said, Amber slaps herself on the forehead. "i'll just starve to death" "come on don't be like that" "you're right; i should at least let someone eat my wings first" Jakey slaps himself on the forehead. Michelle walks into the apartment and slides a plate of pixington wings under Amber's door. Loud munching is heard from within, inbetween heaving sobs. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/pixington wings t-shirt]

Mission 071: Exposing the Lies [Amber]
"okay grace i need your special brand of um agency for this one" "oh boy; i haven't been able to use my special agency chops for a long while" "okay so i need you to go to this restaurant and find out the secret behind their pixington wings dish" "oh yeah those are delicious; i always wanted to know how they make them" Grace leaps away, and quickly infiltrates the restaurant, returning quickly. "so how'd it go" "i am going to call natalie and sue for false advertising" "what?" "those aren't pixington wings; they're faerie wings" "oh sweet" "not sweet; this is flagrant false advertising, which is a crime last i checked" "cool cool do what you've got to do" As Grace storms off to Natalie's office, Jakey returns to Amber's apartment, which is looking slightly more pillaged than usual. "amber good news: that restaurant was lying and those weren't pixington wings" "they weren't?!" "they were faerie wings" "oh sweet" Amber unlocks the door and exits her bedroom for the first time in over twenty missions. "want to go out for faerie wings?" "totally" Jakey and Amber hop into The Motherfucker, where Michelle is waiting. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Special Agent Grace missions/Natalie missions]

Mission 072: Misplaced Optimism [Svart of Darkness]
Jakey enters Svart of Darkness's Used Autos, to find Svart of Darkness stomping around in a rage. "what happened this time" "that pixington had been missing for like twenty missions and i hoped the poison had worked or at least scared her off but noooooo she's back and selling cars at a ridiculous rate" "the worst part is that while you're fuming mad about her, she doesn't even know you exist" "I KNOW RIGHT?!" "you know, though, you could always try things like 'competitive pricing' and 'stocking cars that aren't thirty-year-old deathtraps'" "i run my business the way that's BEST; i don't need gimmicks and dumb bullshit like that" "yeah, just look at all these customers" "hey i'll have you know i sold a car as recently as 1997" "and it shows" "it doesn't matter; i have a new plan to stop that pixington dead in her tracks" "oh boy, do tell" "why tell when showing is much more fun?" Svart of Darkness grabs a brick from his back pocket and hucks it across the street toward Amber. It only makes it halfway across the street before hitting the post truck. The post truck stops dead in its tracks, and the post lady runs out to confront Svart of Darkness. "I'MSORRYITWASANACCIDENTIDIDN'TMEANTOPLEASESPAREMEYOURWRATH" Jakey quickly slips out of the lot, and runs into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Amber missions]

Mission 073: Power Untold [River-Girl]
"hey jakey do you think if i went down to the radioactive river again and did some more swimming, i'd get more powers?" "perhaps but your skin might also turn blue" "eugh no thanks" "so my question is if being frozen turns you into an icy girl, does being boiled make you a vapour girl" "oh man we've got to try it" Jakey grabs a big pot, fills it with water, and sets it on a burner. "hop in" River-Girl leaps into the pot, and Jakey sets it to boil. Jakey then gets out some carrots and begins to cut them into the pot. "uh what are you doing" "well i mean if we're boiling you in water, we might as well make river-girl stew out of it" "you're going to eat me?!" "no no no; the river-girl is only for flavour; you get taken out after our experiment is done" "fine fine" Several minutes pass, and River-Girl undergoes a transformation to Vapour-Girl. "so how does it look" "awful" "wha-" Jakey holds up a mirror, showing the strange afro that's appeared on Vapour-Girl's head. "GAH" Vapour-Girl leaps out of the pot, and dives into the freezer. After a few more minutes, the stew is ready. "come on out river-girl or glacier-girl or whatever; the stew is ready" "am i blue again" "yeah come on let's go" River-Girl exits the freezer, and she, Jakey, and Michelle all enjoy some River-Girl stew. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/the hot new recipe]

Mission 074: A Balanced Diet [Unimportant]
Jakey walks into Unimportant's apartment, and finds her eating a smiley stack. "is all you eat just pancakes" "yeah so" "you need to eat some vegetables" "jakey, do you honestly even eat any vegetables yourself? because from where i'm standing you're being really hypocritcal with your diet of mountain dew, chocolate bars, and cereal" "yeah, i eat a bowl of cornflakes every day" "that's a cereal" "yes, a cereal made of vegetables" "what" "okay let's take this one step at a time: corn is a vegetable, right?" "yeah" "cornflakes are made of corn, right?" "yeah" "since corn is a vegetable, and cornflakes are made of corn, cornflakes are a vegetable" "..." "..." "okay yeah that makes sense sorry i doubted you" "it's okay we all make mistakes" Unimportant grabs a nearby box of Corn Flakes and pulls out the special surprise inside. It is Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Corn Flakes t-shirt]