A Thing Gaiden 21: King Bran (2020)

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"uh milord these two women are here with a grievance against eachother" "send them in" Emelyn swings the door open, and Olivia and Amber storm in, arguing up a hurricane. "ladies LADIES what is the problem; tell me one at a time" "okay so i found this cute doggie right and i'm like 'wow sick dog there bro' and i picked him up and he licked my face and we bonded then this fuckin winged piece of shit comes up to me and said it was her dog she found it first" "it IS my dog; i found him by the side of the road and he licked my face and we bonded but then i turned to buy him some doggie ice cream but he started wandering a bit and not two feet from me this fucking green bitch steals him!!!" "so, the problem is that there is only one cute dog and you both want him" "yeah, if you strip it down like that and suck away the soul of the story" "okay, my kingly training has prepared me for this moment" King Bran pulls out a royal saw. "bring to me the dog and i will saw him in half and give you each half" "WHAT NO" "NO WAY YOU'LL KILL HIM" King Bran is taken aback. His kingly training had never mentioned anything about BOTH women refusing to allow the dog to be sawn in half. Sweat pours down from King Bran's face, and all the daubing in the world from Emelyn can't stop it.

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"okay girls check this out" King Bran sets down a near-identical pomeranian to the one the girls are fighting over. "oh cute" "i still want this one though; we've bonded" "me too" "may i see this dog" Amber reluctantly hands the dog over to King Bran. King Bran sets the first dog next to the second dog, and begins swapping their positions at light speed, so no one, not even King Bran himself, can tell which dog was the original dog. "..." "..." "well of course, the dog i bonded with will come to me" "yes, he will come to me" Amber and Olivia call the good boy over, and the dog on the left goes to Amber, and the dog on the right goes to Olivia. "yes you're a good boy aren't you" "i knew you'd make the right choice boy" Amber and Olivia exit the castle, happy with their new dog. "phew" King Bran wipes ten gallons of sweat from his brow.

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"uh milord the two women are back" "WHAT i solved that problem!!!" "well" Emelyn swings the door open, and Olivia and Amber storm in, arguing up a tsunami. "ladies LADIES what is wrong THIS time" "we both named our dog rex!!! both dogs come to the person who calls for rex!!!" "oy vey" King Bran exasperatedly runs his hand through his hair. "i have a solution: olivia's dog's named rex, which is short for 'rexnando'; amber's dog's named rex, which is short for 'rexjamin'; in public, you will only refer to your dogs by their complete name" "sounds fair" "yeah 'rexnando' has a really nice ring to it" "not as nice as 'rexjamin'!!!" "pfft your dog's name and coat are pitiful when compared to MY dog's" "nice projecting; your dog is vastly inferior in name, appearance, AND skill" "oh ho ho bring it on" Amber and Olivia leave the castle, Rexjamin and Rexnando in tow. "i'm glad that's over"
THE END