King Bran has organised a kart-racing tournament, spread across the six main regions of the world. The grand prize is a shot to face King Bran himself in a race for either a $1,000,000 prize, or a single wish.
(of course the smart thing to do if you really want money is to wish for like a trillion dollars but whatever)
THIS IS CANON, AND TAKES PLACE IN JANUARY OF 2018
Race around a track. You know.
There are twelve racers on the track at a time; the CPU racers are randomly selected from the racers the player has unlocked.
Item crates are spread along the track, and contain rip-offs of Mario Kart's selection.
Bob and Steve do the pre-race rundown of the track (skippable), the countdown, and the post-race "wow i can't believe this guy won" (skippable).
Adventure mode (1P/2P)
Cup challenge (1P/2P/3P/4P)
Single race (1P/2P/3P/4P)
Time trial (1P)
The player drives around minature versions of the six regions and teleports to the races.
The player can switch racers at any time between the racers they've unlocked.
The player must win all of the races in a given region, then defeat that region's boss.
If playing in co-op, only one player must win. The other player can finish in last fucking place for all I care.
Additional races are required for 100% completion:
Win a race on each track after collecting the letters B, R, A, and N scattered throughout.
Win a race on each track in mirror mode, and beat every boss in mirror mode.
Do the cup challenges, only this time in adventure mode. (see below)
Unlike Mario Kart, there is only one engine class. However, once you complete all the cups once, you unlock Mirror Mode.
The cups are divided the same way they are in adventure mode, so you end up with the Alabama Cup, the Canada Cup, etc.
After completing all the cups, you also unlock the All-Cup Tour, which works the same way as in Double Dash.
Characters come in the following kart classes:
All-around: Moderate in all stats
Acceleration: High acceleration, medium handling, low top speed
Speed: High top speed, medium acceleration, low handling
Handling: High handling, medium top speed, low acceleration
Useless: Low in all stats
Mystery: Stats randomised before the race; could be all high, all low, all medium, or a mix (unusable in time trial or online)
Magic: High in all stats (unusable in adventure, time trial, or online)
Trickery: Stats are all medium for the first lap, all high for the second lap, and all BREAKING THE LIMITS for the third (unusable)
Character name (kart colour)
Jakey (medium green)
Michelle (dark grey)
Director Bendik (black)
Jack White (medium red)
Adam Sandler (medium blue)
Stu (dark green)
Gilbert Gottfried (dark grey)
Valerie (dark brown)
Sophia (light purple)
Natalie (medium red)
Resistance Leadour (dark brown)
Dawn (medium blue)
Father Brucie (honey)
Crazy Svart (black)
Shopkeepour (light grey)
Comrade Ivan (medium red)
Obnoxious Celtic Guardian (medium green)
Kathy (light purple)
Candice (light yellow)
Professor Eif (medium purple)
Deputy Orange (medium orange)
Harvey Kinkle (medium blue)
Adam Lambert (medium orange)
Piper (dark green)
Rachel (light green)
Yuko (light yellow)
Bailey (light grey)
Robert Truckdriver clone (tan)
The Great Cheryl (medium purple)
In Adventure Mode, if you select the Robert Truckdriver clone, you are automatically placed as Robert Truckdriver 2.
In multiplayer modes (local or online), you are assigned a random number from 3-99. Robert Truckdriver clone is the only character that can be selected by multiple people.
WORLD 1: Mojavistan
1. Desert Dunes
2. Tribal Village
3. Piper's Hall of Oddities
4. Pyramid Raceway
5. Las Vegas Loop
BOSS: Emelyn (ACCELERATION, light blue)
(unlocks Emelyn as a playable character)
WORLD 2: Russia/The North Pole
1. Red Square
2. Candy Cane Lane
3. Progress Tour
4. Reindeer Roundabout
5. Santa's Workshop
BOSS: Santa (HANDLING, white)
(unlocks Santa as a playable character)
WORLD 3: Hell
1. The Highway to Hell
2. The Second Circle
3. Brimstone Boulevard
4. A Snowball's Chance
5. The Seventh Circle
BOSS: Satan (SPEED, black)
(unlocks Satan as a playable character)
WORLD 4: Canada
1. Snowly Peak
2. Maple Leaf Circuit
3. Ship Battle
4. Lighthouse Harbour
5. Canada Castle
BOSS: King Jakey (ALL-AROUND, medium green)
(unlocks King Jakey as a playable character)
WORLD 5: The United States of America
1. Ellis Island Circuit
2. Mount Rushmore Raceway
3. St. Louis Arch
4. D.C. Rush Hour Rushdown
5. Trump Tower Raceway
BOSS: President Trump (SPEED, gold)
(unlocks President Trump as a playable character)
WORLD 6: Alabama
1. Crazy Svart's Used Race Tracks
2. Monster Truck Rally
3. Alabama National Athletics League Short Track
4. Mystic Forest Circuit
5. Alabama Castle
BOSS: Sheriff Antony (HANDLING, silver)
(unlocks Sheriff Antony as a playable chracter)
FINAL BOSS: King Bran (ALL-AROUND, medium yellow)
(unlocks King Bran as a playable character)
SECRET WORLD: Wales
1. Field Full of Sheep 1
2. Field Full of Sheep 2
3. Field Full of Sheep 3
4. Field Full of Sheep 4
5. Field Full of Sheep 5
SECRET BOSS: The Prince of Wales (TRICKERY, changes mid-race)
(unlocks The Prince of Wales as a playable character*)
*doesn't actually unlock The Prince of Wales as a playable character
If the player beats all of his times on every course's time trial, they can unlock Tony (MAGIC, dark grey) as a playable character.
Three DLC packs will be available for this game for $8 each, or for $16 in a bundle with all three.
Buying all three (bundle or no) unlocks RPGboot costumes for all applicable characters.
It also immediately unlocks the following two characters:
Fyllour (HANDLING, tan)
Hugh Jackman (ACCLERATION, light grey)
DLC 1: The Obnoxious Celtic Country
Jack Black (ALL-AROUND, black)
Kris Allen (HANDLING, medium grey)
Jaleel White (ACCELERATION, medium red)
Cee Lo Green (SPEED, medium green)
1. Obnoxious Celtic Raceway
2. Obnoxious Celtic Catacombs
3. Obnoxious Celtic Mountain Dew Bottling Plant
4. Obnoxious Celtic Castle
5. Obnoxious Celtic Battleground
BOSS: Ainsley Harriott (SPEED, black)
(unlocks Ainsley Harriott as a playable chracter)
In adventure mode, The Obnoxious Celtic Country is slotted between Hell and Canada.
DLC 2: Japan
Parallel Universe Candice (ALL-AROUND, light yellow)
Amiee :3 (HANDLING, pink)
Teachour (ACCELERATION, light yellow)
Lilith (SPEED, black)
1. Neon Streets
2. Kawaii Desu Kart Race
3. Tokyo Rooftops
4. Monk Temple
5. Nintendo Headquarters
BOSS: Kenny Loggins (ALL-AROUND, light blue)
(unlocks Kenny Loggins as a playable chracter)
In adventure mode, Japan is slotted between The Obnoxious Celtic Country and Canada.
DLC 3: Chicago
Blakey (ALL-AROUND, medium red)
King Stan (SPEED, light purple)
Carrie (ACCELERATION, dark red)
Resistance Resistour (HANDLING, light grey)
1. Windmill Wasteland
2. Chicago-Style Pizza Stadium
3. Shallow River Raceway
4. Musty Attic Loop
5. Chicago Castle
BOSS: Sheriff Antoinette (ACCELERATION, tan)
(unlocks Sheriff Antoinette as a playable chracter)
In adventure mode, Chicago is slotted between Canada and the United States.
For completing all three extra DLC areas in adventure mode, you unlock three extra characters:
The Grand Georgini (MAGIC, medium blue)
Becky (MAGIC, black)
Hans (MAGIC, orange)
This allows all four players in a local match to be a MAGIC character.
Special DLC commemorating the release of It's Just One Thing After Another (2017/1/25):
Brooke (ALL-AROUND, purple)
Amber (ACCELERATION, medium green)
Olivia (HANDLING, tan)
Hulk Hogan (SPEED, yellow)
Sara (ALL-AROUND, purple)
Hattie (ACCELERATION, dark red)
Hanukkah Lady (SPEED, dark green)
Azalea (HANDLING, neon cyan)
like the standard karts from MKDS (NOT the b-dasher on the boxart!!!)
each kart also has the following symbols for the racer's home nation:
Canada: white circle with a red maple leaf
Alabama: white circle with a red X
Japan: white circle with a red rising sun
Mojavistan: white circle with a gold star
The Obnoxious Celtic Country: white circle with a sword
The United States of America: a circular stars and stripes
Russia: red circle with a hammer and sickle
Hell: a pentagram
The North Pole: white circle with a candy cane
Chicago: black circle with a green X
Wales: white circle with a sheep
Most characters just end up wishing for more wishes, which violates the terms of the contract they signed when they entered, and defaults them to the $1,000,000.
"congratulations michelle!!! you've won the tournament!!! would you like a million alabama fun bux or a wish" "the wish the wish!!!" "all right; lay it on me" "i wish that jakey would take me home" Jakey's mouth drops from the sidelines. "YOU GET ONE FUCKING WISH AND YOU USE IT ON SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED ANYWAY" "jakey you heard the lady; take her home" Jakey sighs and gives Michelle a piggyback ride home.
"congratulations miss valerie!!! you've won the tournament!!! would you like a million alabama fun bux or a wish" "i-i-i'd like th-the wish p-please" "all right; lay it on me" "i-i-i w-wish th-that my e-eye would h-heal a-and i-i'd be able t-to see f-from it again" "..." "..." Sweat begins to pour down King Bran's face. He's not actually magical, and the wish was meant to be a 'within my power as king' thing. But Valerie is so sincere and hopeful in this moment, that he does not want to break her little heart. "listen, valerie, i can't do anything for you right now; BUT i swear i will put all my best men on finding a cure for having your eye blinded by a sharp object" "th-thank you" King Bran wipes the sweat off his brow and sets to work creating his task force.
"congratulations miss uh dawn!!! you've won the tournament!!! would you like a million alabama fun bux or a wish" "i'd like the wish please" "all right; lay it on me" "i wish that i had my own past and set of memories distinct from my creator" "OH OH i'm really good at this!!!" King Bran gets out his second-favourite pen and a sheet of official Alabama parchment. "okay you, dawn iola clayborne, were uh born on the distant planet of enn gourjj to loving parents BUT one fateful day aliens from the planet bohn our invaded your planet and laid waste to it!!! so what happened was your loving parents shipped you off in the only space capsule not already destroyed by the space capsule-seeking missiles the aliens used, and you flew to planet earth and were raised by a loving family in the heartland of alabama" "..." "..." "THAT'S SUPERMAN'S ORIGIN STORY" "what no it's not" "I SHOULD HAVE JUST WISHED FOR MORE WISHES LIKE EVERYONE ELSE" Dawn storms off, upset.
"congratulations president trump!!! you've won the tournament!!! would you like a million alabama fun bux or a wish" "the wish, obviously" "all right; lay it on me" "i wish that the contract for winning entitled me to infinite wishes, rather than just one" "..." "..." King Bran reads through the contract. He'd thought that he'd made it impossible for anyone to receive more than one wish, but President Trump found a loophole. "oh goddammit" President Trump smiles, ready to use his newfound limitless supply of wishes.
PARALLEL UNIVERSE CANDICE:
"congratulations candice from a different universe!!! i'm not quite sure how you got here, but you've won the tournament!!! would you like a million alabama fun bux or a wish" "the wish, please" "all right; lay it on me" "well, i went home on leave to find my entire family had been killed-" "i'm very sorry but i can't revive the dead" "that's not my wish" "oh, good" "i wish that i could live in this universe, where war does not ravage the land, and chocolate chip cookies are plentiful and delicious" "done; i'll draw up the citizenship papers" "oh thank you so much" The papers are drawn up, and Parallel Universe Candice signs them, becoming an official citizen of Alabama. Her name is no longer Parallel Universe Candice, however, and is now just Candice. However, this is confusing, having two Candices running around, so Candice goes by the name Gladys, after her mother.