Quite a Thing to Behold (2025)

Mission 076: Machinations [Lilith]
"well jakey tonight's the night; my machinations have laid undetected all month, and now it's time to uh machinate them" "by all means; go ahead" Lilith pulls out her flag and steps in front of the Wicked Cheateau with a megaphone. "AS OF THIS MOMENT, EASTERN HELL IS COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT!!! WE ARE NOW THE GREAT NATION OF GOMORRAH!!!" Eleatrice pokes her head out of her window. "hey cool; less for me to have to look after" Eleatrice quickly makes up a document and tosses it outside. "there you go; have fun, be independent" "wha-THAT'S IT?!" "yeah, you're emancipated" Lilith hangs her head. "i was hoping for a bloody revolution" "oh well; move along, it's time for you to create a government and infrastructure and supply chains and relations with other nations" "uh yeah right uh totally" Lilith leaves for her house, disappointed at how easy her revolution was. Michelle walks up and tapes her flag to Jakey, claiming him for her own. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 077: Into the Deep End [Lilith]
"how's the new country going lilith" "when i decided to cede from the union, i figured it would start a war and i'd slowly gain trusted followers who would fill positions in my government and gain corporate and material support so by the time it was over, i'd have a functioning nation" "but none of that happened" "right and eleatrice has cut off all of our power and other systems from hell's grid, because we're an independent nation now and 'should get our own grid'" "it sounds like the most evil thing eleatrice could do was to just give you what you want and have you suffer the consequences of your own ambition" "i can see why she won the hellection" "she's covertly the most evil of all five demonesses" "so i've been on the telegraph to all these utility companies and they've finally installed gomorrah's own grid" "telegraph?" "eleatrice blocked our access to cellphone towers" "ouch" "we have our own now though; our infrastructure is top of the line" "i'll bet" Candice walks in, fresh from making infrastructure. "your bill" "okay let's see here" Lilith's eyes bug way out upon viewing her bill. "jakey can i borrow some money" "how much is it" "six trillion dollars" "i don't have that much on me" "BUT I DO!!!" Michelle skips in and holds up her golf winnings. "i will loan this money to you on two conditions: 1. you pay me back eight trillion dollars by january 1st 2026 upon penalty of nuclear war, and 2. jakey takes me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 078: Problems with Everything [Lilith]
"jakey new problem" "in addition to the eight trillion dollars of debt?" "yeah well your sister said it was 'upon penalty of nuclear war' and i was like 'pssh we have tons of nukes' but ELEATRICE CONFISCATED OUR NUKES!!!" "well, they were her nukes" "and do you know how much money a nuclear missile costs?! it's ridiculous!!!" "they don't want people just buying nukes because some guy took your parking spot" "so long story short i need to raise eight trillion dollars in three months" "how's the economy looking" "the economy?! oh, the economy's in bad shape" "let me guess: you took over the residential areas of hell, and everyone is leaving gomorrah to work in hell" "yes" "and now you're already in debt so you don't have any money to pay a wizard to create new landmass for factories" "..." "..." "WHY DIDN'T I JUST HIRE A WIZARD TO CREATE INFRASTRUCTURE?!" "good question but we're past that point" "my only recourse is to find a magic lamp and get a genie to do it for me" "good luck with that" "i will scour every pawn shop, buying every lamp in sight" "i see no way that can possibly backfire" Michelle walks up and hands Lilith another bill, in case she lost hers. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 079: Take a Look at Me Now [Lilith]
"jakey i did it i found a genie" "really?" "yes, it was at the first pawn shop i went to even" "what a coincidence" "yes, against all odds (take a look at me now), i've succeeded" "what if it's one of those trickster genies that always does things in the most annoying way possible" "like, i wish for a million bucks and she gives me deer?" "yeah or steals it from the bank vault so you're a wanted criminal" "i should hire a lawyer" "good idea; i have one you-" "oh don't worry about that, lawyer is the most common profession for demons" Lilith claps her hands twice, and her busty blonde lawyer appears and turns her attention to Jakey. "hey there kiddo; sheraden flask, attorney at law" "i've already got a lawyer" "oh, shame" "sherry, i need you to write me up my three wishes so the genie can't distort them" "you came to the right place kid; jezzie cheaped out when she tried to write her wedding contract by herself and look where that got her" Sheraden writes out ironclad wishes that cannot be distorted, even by the tricksiest of genies. "here you go kid; have a nice life" Sheraden disappears, leaving Lilith to greddily rub her lamp. "hello i am the mystical genie known only as GENEVIEVE; you may have three wishes" "okay genny-" "GENEVIEVE" "okay, GENNY, i have a list of my three wishes right here in triplicate" "i hate it when people hire lawyers" Genevieve pores over Lilith's wishes, and grants them as written. Lilith is given fifty trillion dollars with which to pay back her debts and create new infrastructure. A new landmass is hunked straight onto the east side of Gomorrah, pre-filled with factories. And thirdly and finally, Lilith is given many, many nuclear missiles. Genevieve grans the wishes, then she and the lamp disappear to parts unknown. "you know, common courtesy these days is to use your third wish to free the genie" "the next girl will do it" "uh-huh" Michelle walks up and takes her eight trillion dollars back from Lilith. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 080: All I Ever Wanted [Echidna]
"packing for that vacation echidna?" "yeah; it'll be good to get away from politics for a while" "i'll bet" "i must say however that i'm disappointed with this toothpaste i won for getting runner-up in the hellection" "oh?" "they call it 'harsh mint' but my mouth is barely even burning!!!" Echidna squeezes an entire tube into her mouth. "i may have won a lifetime supply, but i may have to switch back to dr. sheraden's 'mint inferno' flavour; do you know anyone who needs toothpaste" "too many to count" Michelle walks up and squeezes an entire tube of Dr. Sheraden's Mint Inferno into her mouth. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 081: Sheer Coincidence [Octavia]
"hey jakey check it out; i was digging a grave and i found this magic lamp with a genie inside" "oh nice" "i'm going to make a wish" Octavia rubs her lamp, and Genevieve comes out of it. "hello i am the mystical genie known only as GENEVIEVE; you may have three wishes" "i wish i was taller" "okay done" Octavia gets out a tape measure, and notices she's still 5'2. "nothing happened" "you are one nanometer taller than you were before; use it wisely" Octavia slaps her face with her hand. "i suppose i deserved that one" "you have two wishes remaining" "okay: i wish to be eight inches taller" "okay done" "nothing happened, once again" "you are eight inches taller than you were in 2010; i had to take away that nanometer by the btw" "i hate you" "thanks; you got a third wish in mind?" "i wish you'd just go away" "all righty; bye then" Genevieve and her lamp warp away, ready to be found by some other sucker. "the customary third wish is to free the genie" "and i would have done it too, but she fucked with me on multiple occasions; despite knowing what i wanted both times, she did not do it" "fair enough" Michelle walks up and gives Octavia a box to stand on. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 082: Dropped the Bass [Nilla Waphyr]
"uh nilla is that your house? or what's left of it?" "yeah i was playing too hard with that turntabelabra you gave me; i dropped the bass too hard and burned the house down" "i feel terrible for indirectly causing this to happen" "don't worry about it; the place was insured for more than i paid for it; here's your twenty grand back" "you don't need it?" "nah, i've already bought up the house next door and filled it with replacement stuff" "fair enough i suppose" "and some of this stuff is even better than my old stuff; check out this cool alfalfa team poster i found at the thrift store" Octavia unrolls a poster, which is two ALF posters and an A-Team poster stapled together. "nice" "and check out this cool plushie i found of your sister; she even talks when you squeeze her stomach" "oh cool" "come on, give her a squeeze" Jakey squeezes the Michelle doll, and hears exactly what he expects. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 083: On the Lookout [Unimportant]
"hey unimportant what's up" "today my horoscope told me i'd find a magical genie's lamp, so i'm keeping an eye out" "have you checked your couch cushions" "oh good idea" Unimportant rummages through her couch's cushions. "FOUND IT!!!" Unimportant yanks out the lamp and give sit a good rub. "hello i am the mystical genie known only as GENEVIEVE; you may have three wishes" "hmm" Unimportant takes a look at her horoscope. "it says here i should use my wishes selflessly, so: i wish that you, genevieve, would have a nice, relaxing bubbly bath" "oh uh wish granted; you there, jakey, guard my bubbly bath and only come in if i yell 'WHEY POWDER'" "got it" Genevieve poofs up a rubber ducky and a bath and goes at it, singing herself a tune. "♫i can't escape this hell; so many times i've tried♫" "you know, i spent all of 2006/7 desperately tired of this song, but now it's tickling my nostalgia bone" "oh i'm the same way with that one song uh twinkle twinkle little star" "oh yeah that's a classic" "shame that one guy had to rip it off" "i know right? black sheep, really? that's the best you could come up with?" "♫SO WHAT IF YOU CAN SEE THE DARK INSIDE OF ME; NO ONE WOULD EVER CHANGE THIS ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME♫" Soon, Genevieve finishes her bath and returns to the outside. "two more wishes cap'n" "i wish you'd have a fancy meal of your favourite foods" Genevieve does just that, and is full and satisfied. "last wish" "i wish you a life of eternal happiness and prosperity" "oh uh thanks" Genevieve disappears. "she seemed disappointed for some reason" "she was likely expecting you to use your last wish to free her from the lamp and eternal servitude" "oh i didn't think of that" "haven't you ever seen aladdin?" "my horoscope from june 30th 2004 told me to never watch aladdin and i've stuck with it" Jakey slaps his face with his hand, and Michelle follows suit. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 084: Gobsmacked [Ortence]
"hey ortence why are you opening so many portals" "i'm trying to open one to he ice cream parlour so i can get some damn ice cream but i keep opening portals to other places instead" "wouldn't it have been quicker to just walk to the ice cream place" "yes, but then i'd have to walk down there next time and the time after too; if i can figure out how to open the correct portal, i will save future time even if i wasted a lot of present time" "fair enough i suppose" Ortence opens another portal, which leads to the inside of a sealed mountain cave. "FINALLY!!! AFTER OVER 9,000 YEARS WE'RE FREE!!!" "ah shit" "what are those" "goblins" "never heard of them" "the king bran of the 1960s sealed them away inside a mountain because they annoyed him" "but that one said they'd all been sealed away for over 9,000 years" "goblins are notoriously bad at keeping time" "so are you going to close the portal or not because they're almost here" "I'M TRYING; it's hard to deliver exposition and do magic at the same time" Ortence closes the portal, but slightly too late. A single goblin has made it through. "NOOOOOO MY FRIENDS/FAMILY/WELL-WISHERS!!!" "king bran can't learn about this" Ortence pulls out a gun. "don't worry; i'll take care of it" Jakey hides the goblin underneath his shirt and walks out of the castle. "are we going for ice cream" "oh sure" Jakey takes Gobigail to the ice cream parlour, where they run into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Gobigail missions/King Bran missions]

Mission 085: Lich and a Promise [Rosalich]
"hey just thought i'd check in; how are you doing rosalich" "terrible; simply terrible" "what happened" "hell split into two separate sovereign territories, and now i have to fill out a bunch of forms so my gang can operate in gomorrah as well as hell and the fees are astronomical" "i didn't know the government taxed gangs" "oh yeah, gangs are like the biggest employers in all of hell and now gomorrah too" "so you don't like the gomorrah split?" "no, it's the same fucking country twice; there wasn't even a cultural difference behind the split, it was just lilith being lilith again" "i take it you're familiar" "she used to lead this very gang before she left to enact her 'brilliant' plan where she posed as a high school student for like ten minutes to infiltrate your social circle" "i take it she's bad at sticking to one thing" "i swear in less than two years, she will have passed gomorrah onto someone else to lead and have some other ridiculous evil idea" "hmm" "hey can i list you as a member of the gang? i get tax benefits for having royalty in the gang and you won't have to do anything*" "asterisk?" "you weren't supposed to notice that" "i'll pass" "damn" Michelle walks up and folds her hands in front of Jakey. "you would be wise to take me home"
[reward: respect +/Lilith missions]

Mission 086: Pump and Dump [Alison]
"hey alison you still painting trash cans?" "nah, i've moved past that phase; i'm painting dumpsters now" "will you be onto landfills next year" "maybe so" "well, show me what you've got" "gladly; this here is a painting i did of disgraced former orcish women's golf/tennis champion odilia waking up in a dumpster" "classic" "and this is a painting i made of a little goblin lady rummaging through a dumpster just last night" "strange" "yeah i thought all the goblins were trapped in a mountain back in the 1960s but i guess king bran missed one or two" "that is indeed a possibility" "and lastly, here's a painting i did of the great cheryl hiding a body in a dumpster" "was the body dead" "probably? i'm not a doctor" "fair enough" Michelle walks up and shows Jakey a painting she made of herself being taken home. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Great Cheryl missions]

Mission 087: Breaking News [Orelie]
"and welcome back to the broadcast; our next guest is the first goblin seen in the world since the 1960s; gobigail, hello" "hello" "so tell me gobigail: why do goblins exist?" "pardon?" "you look like orcs at first blush, but you're really small, weak, and lame" "um rude" "please answer the question gobigail" "that's a leading question; goblins may be small, but we are not lame" "how so" "orcs are big and heavy but goblins are small and agile; we can fit in small places you orcs couldn't even dream of" "and yet pixingtons can fit in even smaller places, and fly" "uh-" "orcs are the epitome of large, rugged strength; pixingtons are the epitome of small cuteness; so tell me: where does that leave goblins" "why are you singling out goblins?! you haven't even mentioned humans or slimes or or or elves" "none of those races are green; you are perceived by non-orcs as tiny midget orcs and even the smallest orc, octavia leavitt, is over twice as tall as you are" Gobigail sighs. "it's not easy being green" "it is for us orcs; another advantage we have over your pathetic kind" Michelle walks in and attempts to paint Gobigail a nice shade of puce. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Octavia missions]

Mission 088: Worthlessness [Odilia]
"odilia what's wrong" "my life is a mess and i'm retiring from sport" "what happened to your orcish accent?!" "it was put on for the fans but i have none left" "that's not true" "name a single one and don't say yourself you didn't even know i played golf or tennis until a couple days ago" "uh-" "exactly; i can't do anything right, and i am going to retire into this bottle and many others just like it" "your liver can't take that much alcohol" "au contraire; orcish livers are far more robust than your pitiful human livers" "so you're going to give up just because a demoness fucked with you?" "say what now?" "oh uh the queen of hell was specifically messing with you and making your shots miss" "THAT FUCKING FUCK" "you didn't know?" "NO, I THOUGHT WAS JUST BAD" "well the queen of hell was fucking with you for kicks" "good to know; now i will plot to overthrow hell and become its next queen" "only demonesses are allowed to be queen" "then i will figure out how to become a demoness" "good luck with that one" Michelle sloshes up to Jakey, drunk as a skunk in a funk after missing the slam dunk and being thrown away with the junk. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 089: Uncharacteristic [Odilia]
"odilia what are you doing" "i'm learning magic" "what?! but you're an orc" "orcs have the capability to do magic, we just choose not to" "i know that but won't you be ostracised from your community?" "already have been for losing two championships in a single day" "fair enough i suppose" "now then: pick a card, any card" Jakey grabs a card. "sign your name on it" Jakey does as he is told. "now put it back in the deck" Once again. "now presto chango wiggy wiggy wango watch as i shuffle the deck and put your card right on the bottom" Odilia flips the deck over. "that's not my card, that's my headshot" "oh sorry" Odilia rubs away Jakey headshot with her finger, revealing Jakey's card. "impressive" Just then, The Great Cheryl warps in and slaps the deck out of Odilia's hands, burns it with fire magic, and issues Odilia a cease and desist. "looks like you're going to have to learn magic some other way" "it says here that i'm only allowed to practice magic if it directly relates to my career so i need a magical career" "how about royal court wizard" "great idea; do you know of any countries that have openings" "gomorrah" "never heard of it" "it's new" "well i'll head down there now i suppose" Odilia packs her things and heads for Gomorrah. She returns shortly after and unpacks Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 090: New Hire [Odilia]
"well jakey i've done it; i'm now lilith's court wizard" "is she demanding" "she keeps asking for lemonade and i only know how to make gatorade" "is it the frosty blue kind" "no it's fruit punch" "that one's good too" "i'm getting closer and closer to my goal of killing eleatrice, to which lilith has given her explicit approval" "i figured" "right now i'm trying to figure out how to make myself insulated so i don't get zapped by eleatrice's lightning" "have you tried turning your skin into rubber" "yes but i kept bouncing all over the room and wasn't able to stop until i turned back" "maybe you could bounce her to death" "now there's an idea" Michelle bounces into the room, completely made of rubber. Odilia calms her down with her de-rubberising spell. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 091: A Lateral Move [Candice]
"hey candice how's being the sole constructor for gomorrah working out" "it's very fulfilling, being able to build a nation from the ground-up, and also being able to destroy buildings i don't like and replace them with better ones" "you just have carte blanche?" "yeah lilith said she doesn't care how many demons i displace from their homes; she says it's evil to do such a thing, but i diagree; it's even more evil to let people continue living in those deathtraps" "are there any quirks to building houses in this brutal gomorran climate" "yeah and the previous constructor used eucalyptus, which can fucking explode if caught on fire and i mean HELLO?! we're surround by fire AND brimstone!!! so i'm swapping out the eucalyptus beams for beautiful turpentine" "never heard of it" "it doesn't catch fire easily; you know i love my poplar, but this fiery continent needs something special" "makes sense i suppose" "right now i'm buiding my own house/warehouse so i don't have to haul all my stuff from alabama" "oh i thought you were making an apartment building" "no, i need three stories for all my stuff" "you're bringing all your stuff from alabama? i thought this was a stopgap home" "oh i'm not bringing it, i'm buying duplicates so i have two identical homes" "oh" "you do the same thing, so i'm surprised at you" "no my way is different" "how so" "the entrance to each residence i own is a portal to my apartment building; it's like having multiple homes, but better in every way" "i can see the appeal; i'll have to hire a wizard" Michelle walks up and begins waving her wand around. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 092: A Glorious Union [Eleatrice]
"eleatrice, why did you just let lilith cede from the union" "i figured her new nation would flop at the first hurdle, but she's done much better than i'd expected" "it only took eight trillion dollars of debt" "yeah but she paid off that debt with an innovative technique" "true" "either way, i could have started a war with lilith when she had zero followers and thus it would really just be me killing another demoness, or i could wait and start a bloody civil war that will last much, much longer" "very evil" "thanks, i pride myself on my evil" "i'll be sad when jezzie returns and murders you" "i've learned from our past mistakes as demonesses; this time, i have set a trap for jezzie, even if she comes early" "oh?" "yes, she always comes in through that door over there, so i have laid a trap; when she opens the door, the bucket perched atop the door will douse her!!! she will be completely drenched and run home crying!!!" "i'm not sure that'll work how you expect, but i'm glad you're at least trying" "trust me, i've tested this out many times, and the victim always leaves demoralised" "did you only test it on stacy" "irrelevant" Michelle walks in through the door and gets drenched by the bucket, demoralising her. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 093: Searching for the Gang [Gobigail]
"gobigail did you get yourself arrested already" "yeah" "how and why" "well i've been looking for my friends/family/well-wishers, and i thought i'd look for them in this public park, but apparently i don't have the right permits to search inside the park so i was locked inside this cage" "couldn't pay the fines?" "it's been a long day" "i'll see what i can do" Jakey walks over to the Chairwoman of Park Activities, Julia, and shows his 'greeting the chairwoman' permit. "hey" "hey" "do you have any 'breaking out the prisoners' permits left" "oh yeah i've got just one remaining" Julia hands Jakey the permit. "thanks; i'll put it to good use" Jakey immediately kicks down the door to Gobigail's cage, and hightails it, flashing his hightailing permit so Julia does not give chase. Jakey hightails so efficiently, in fact, that he hightails straight into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Julia missions]

Mission 094: Fortutitousness [Gobigail]
"jakey great news i found a magic lamp!!! the nice genie inside is giving me three wishes and i used my first to bring you here so you could witness my triumph" "why am i naked" "i don't know; i never asked genevieve to bring your clothes here so i'll have to be more careful with my next wish" Jakey grabs some fig leaves. "genevieve, i am ready for my second wish" "lay it on me" "i wish that the rest of the goblin species - and their clothes - to be transported out of the cave they are trapped in so that they will no longer be trapped" "done" Genevieve teleports the rest of the goblins into a volcano. "WHAT" "okay genevieve, i know your whole thing is being tricksy and mean, but that just went too far" "eh whatever; your third wish?" "I WISH YOU'D JUST GO AWAY" "fine" Genevieve disappears along with her lamp to parts unknown. Michelle appears here, in parts known. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 095: Volcanic Activity [Gobigail]
"hey gobigail how are you holding up" "i'm fine; listen, we need to drain this volcano" "huh?" "my friends/family/well-wishers are trapped underneath this lava!!! goblins can't swim, we just sink to the bottom" "uh-" "so i bought these spoons we can use to scoop out the lava and keep it in these jars until we're done with it" "that's not how lava works" "huh? OH!!! we can just scoop it out with the jars!!! you're a genius jakey!!!" Gobigail grabs a jar and leans over the lava, accidentally falling in. "HELP I'M SINKING" "uh-" "JAKEY WE'RE ALL OKAY DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE VOLCANO; PROCEED WITH MY SCOOPING PLAN OR SOME ALTERNATIVE" Jakey sighs and calls up Odilia. "hey odilia, do you want some magic practice? i need help with a volcano" Odilia appears swiftly through a portal. "what's up" "i dropped my keys into this volcano; can you get rid of the lava so i can get them back" "oh of course" Odilia magics away the lava, depositing it into Gomorrah, where they've had a critical lava shortage of late. "jakey are those goblins" "looks that way; hey did any of you find my keys" "no but we found this thing" Gobigail tosses up Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Odilia missions]

Mission 096: Are You Happy? [King Bran]
"jakey i hope you're pleased with yourself; thanks to you, all the goblins have escaped their prison and are running AMOK" "would you be okay with it if they were walking amok" "it would be a start" "HEY GOBLINS; could you slow it down a bit please?" "sure thing jakey sir!!!" The goblins slow their pace so they are now walking amok. "why do they listen to you" "i helped rescue them from various circumstances, and i end my requests with 'please' instead of 'you fuckers'" "i can't help the fact that they're fuckers" "people don't like to be called out on being a fucker; it's simply not polite" "i'm pretty sure all etiquette books strongly recommend against running and/or walking amok, but here we are" "they're just excited to be outside for the first time in sixty years" King Bran grumbles under his breath as a pack of goblins walks up to Jakey. "mr jakey sir we found your lost michelle" "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 097: The Workforce [Lilith]
"jakey i've got to thank you for freeing all those goblins; they're amazing" "really?" "yeah, i hired them to work at my new factory and they're absolutely perfect; they do the work half as well for half the price!!!" "sounds cost-effective" "yes, and then our gomorran products are breaking down at twice the rate, necessitating that people buy twice as many!!!" "nice" "so i've deported all the citizens of gomorrah and replaced them with goblins!!! this is my director of personnel, gobigail" "hello" "hello" "and this is my personal assistant, gobriella" "hello" "hello" "and this is michelle" "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Gobigail missions]

Mission 098: Gobblin' [Lilith]
"hey jakey meet my new logo designer, gobrina" "hello" "hello" "she was willing to work for half the price of sabrina sable" "i like fonts" "what kind of fonts are you working with" Gobrina holds up a sign she'd written in papyrus. Jakey instinctively shoots to kill. "WHAT THE FUCK JAKEY THAT WAS MY LOGO DESIGNER" "you deserve better; the world deserves better" "huh?" "you can cheap out on building materials, on manual labour and defense, but NEVER on your signage" "what was wrong with gobrina's sign" "it made gomorrah look like a knitting circle" "okay i can see how that could be bad" Gobrina springs back to life. "does sir like this one better" Gobrina holds up a sign she'd written in comic sans. Jakey once again shoots to kill. "i thought i'd gotten her the first time" "oh right, goblins can't be killed with bullets" "which is why they were sealed away rather than slaughtered" "so you're saying i need good signage in order to keep up my nation's reputation as an evil powerhouse" "exactly" Gobrina springs back to life again. "gobrina, you're fired" "aw" Gobrina packs up her crayons and exits the Sinful Manse. Michelle walks into the Sinful Manse with her knitting needles, but then is disappointed when she doesn't see the knitting circle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sabrina Sable missions]

Mission 099: Behold in Wonder [The Great Cheryl]
"BEHOLD!!! i am about to perform the most daring of tricks; one that no one has attempted in decades!!! i am about to pull a RABBIT out of a HAT!!!" "what the fuck!!!" "rabbits don't live in hats!!!" "that's impossible!!!" "HOLD YOUR SUSPICION!!! AND BEHOLD!!!" The Great Cheryl reaches down into the top hat on the table, and yanks out a goblin petting a rabbit. "uh ta-da?" "hello" "yes, hi" "my name is gobigail" "yeah i don't care; why were you in my hat" "i like the pretty bunny" The Great Cheryl hucks Gobigail backstage. "sorry about that; i will now perform the trick again, without goblin interference" The Great Cheryl reaches down into her top hat again, and yanks out another goblin petting a rabbit. "hello" "AUGH" "my name is gobriella" "FUCK OFF" The Great Cheryl hucks Gobriella backstage. "third time IS the charm" The Great Cheryl angrily yanks out of her hat yet another goblin petting a rabbit. "hello" "FUCK" "my name is gobrina" The Great Cheryl hucks Gobrina into the crowd and stomps off-stage. Michelle pops out of the hat. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 100: Short Fuse [Octavia]
"jakey can you believe this shit? orelie called me short UNPROVOKED on national radio" "she was using you as a counterargument against the existence of goblins" "people have all day been lining up to take pictures with the world's shortest orc and i'm sick of it" "well you shouldn't have bungled your genie wishes" "i tried my best" "you should have called a lawyer" "orcs don't have lawyers; we settle all our disputes with fisticuffs" "thus you are unequipped to deal with a genie" "i suppose so" "also: why don't you use your fisticuffs on orelie" "whenever i do that, she gets all uppity and trashes me harder on the radio" "then use your fisticuffs on the people lining up all day" "now there's an idea" Michelle walks up and cuffs Jakey upside the head. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Orelie missions]