A Beloved Thing (2025 - February)

Mission 001: The Book of the Dead [King Bran]
"so kb did any demoness choose february?" "yes, icelia, the ice demoness" "now that's a statement if ever i've heard one" "she doesn't need a full month, she can say all she needs to in 28 days" A grand trumpet march is played in the entrance hall, as Icelia enters the castle, freezing the ground and walls as she passes. Flakes of snow fall tenderly to the ground as Icelia twirls and twirls, and a chorus of snow pixingtons sings a grand song of reverence. "this is all a bit much, isn't it?" "icelia never does too much; only just enough" "and icelia likes to talk about herself in the third person, i see" "the name icelia is a thing of beauty that deserves not to be obscured behind peasantish 'i's and 'me's" "i'm really glad you chose february for your month" "yes, the fleeting beauty of february makes it stand out amongst the pedestrian months; february says what it needs to say, then leaves without a word" Icelia puts her arm over her forehead, and lightly collapses. "if icelia is elected queen of hell, icelia will make it so every month is as beautifully frigid as february" "okay, i can get behind this plan" "it is time for icelia's snack; icelia bids you all adeiu" Icelia floats backward as she bows toward the king and the foreign prince. The foreign princess slides up on the ice Icelia left behind. "take michelle home"
[reward: respect +/Icelia missions]

Mission 002: Frost Heaves [Icelia]
"welcome jakey to the wicked chateau" "i like what you've done with the place" "oui; icing over the gardens and bedrooms was necessary; icelia cannot live in the heat of hell, it is terrible for the complexion" "i see your subjects really seem to be enjoying themselves" Jakey gestures to Stacy, who is asleep, but also sliding across the floor and bumping off of walls. "stacy is icelia's cousin; she can do as she pleases" "fair enough, i suppose" "what icelia doesn't like is these foul zombies crowding all around; the little ghost behind the desk insists that they are 'efficient' and 'cost-effective', but NO!!! this is not the hell icelia wishes to run!!!" Icelia freezes all of the zombies, and whistles for Anima. "take your foul creatures out of icelia's presence; you are dismissed" "okay, cool; see you next month jakey" Anima gives a little wave and takes her zombies out on vacation. "ah, that is much better" "so what are you going to do for labour around here" "the ghost girl can take care of it herself" "WHAT" "you heard icelia; chop chop, the broom is over there" Hayden floats from behind her desk and begins attempting to grasp the broom, failing miserably each time. "it is good to be the boss" Michelle walks up and attempts to rummage through Hayden's paperwork while she's distracted, but is unable to interact with it. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 003: Red Snow [Icelia]
"jakey what is this that my predecessor did?" "she created a new species of elf known as a 'blood elf'" "this is outrageous to icelia!!! why create a blood elf when there is no snow elf!!!" "snow elves already exist" "what? explain yourself" "snow elves live at the north pole and work for santa claus, making toys and marking out routes for the sleigh" "this is ridiculous; why would a snow creature work for that tubby when they can be working for icelia instead?" "you could always ask them yourself" "yes, this is what icelia will do; come" Icelia snaps her fingers, and she and Jakey arrive at the North Pole. "SNOW ELVES!!! do you tire of making toys?! day in and day out, toys!!! those of you who yearn for more, yearn for icelia!!!" "no thanks; we're content" "WHAT" "we bring smiles to everyone's faces once a year with our toys and miscellaneous gifts; we're content with that" "but if you leave now, you can bring smiles to icelia's face" "we'll pass" "icelia is prepared to offer you all competitive pay and a great benefits package; plus all the candy canes you can eat" "c-candy canes?!" Snofrida perks up, but Snovia sits her down. "no thanks" "then icelia will have to take drastic measures" Santa appears at the top of the stairs, and Icelia turns the floor under his feet to ice. On his healed leg, Santa slips and tumbles over the stairs, sticking the landing on the floor below. This time, all of the snow elves give him a '10', except for Snofrida, who is thinking about the number of candy canes she wants to eat, '4'. Icelia teleports away in a huff. Michelle stands at the top of the stairs and slips, tumbling down on top of Jakey. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 004: Rotoscopes [Icelia]
"ah jakey good; icelia needs you to guard icelia's bath as only come in if icelia yells 'PROPYLENE GLYCOL MONOSTEARATE'" "got it" Icelia turns and grabs her rubby ducker and heads into the bath, where upon she begins to sing a jolly tune. "♫YOU'RE AS COLD AS ICE; YOU'RE WILLING TO SACRIFICE OUR LOVE♫" Jakey bops along to the tune, but soon the tune goes silent. "PROPYLENE GLYCOL MONOSTEARATE" Jakey kicks down the door and sees Unimportant holding a newspaper up to Icelia's face. "jakey, help icelia get this ruffian out of the bath" "no no you see, you're a scorpio, right? this means that-" Jakey grabs Unimportant by her collar and drags her outside. Icelia's bath is ruined, so she gets out of the bath. "what the fuck jakey i needed to tell her all about her scorpioliness" "and you couldn't wait until after her bath?" "no, my horoscope for today said 'interrupt a scorpio's bubbly bath'" "okay, that makes sense; run along, i imagine icelia is really mad" "fine, fine" Unimportant descends the staircase and Icelia exits the bath. "great, now the girl in the tub will never endorse icelia if icelia can't even finish one jolly tune" "to be fair, scarlett is already endorsing echidna" "WHAT why did you not tell icelia this?!" "i thought you were just taking a bath for hygiene reasons" "fair" Michelle enters Icelia's bathroom and begins ice skating in her tub. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 005: Back Again [Icelia]
"jakey a strange girl has been standing outside the wicked chateau every day now and it's beginning to creep icelia out; go see what's going on" "on it" Jakey exits the Wicked Chateau and sees the blood elf girl from January, Ichoria, standing outside nervously. "hey ichoria what's up" "i'm waiting for eleatrice to get back; i was hoping to get her help" "eleatrice is currently unable to interact with the public while icelia is doing her trial term as interim queen of hell candidate" "when will eleatrice get back" "april" "APRIL?!" "it's a whole rigamarole" "i can't wait that long!!! in fact, it's already 4:30!!! i'm going to be dragged back to the sanguine forest soon and i'll never get to see the moonlight!!!" "i have an idea" Jakey gets out a silver sharpie and begins scribbling on Ichoria's face. "what are you doing" "i'm disguising you as a dark elf" "are you sure they won't just look at me and see a blood elf with marker on her face" "only one way to find out" As Jakey finishes colouring, the blood elf patrol passes right by him and Ichoria. "you're a genius" Jakey and Ichoria wait for the sun to set. "today, the sun will set at 5:13, and we'll be able to see the moon at 5:17; I'M SO EXCITED!!!" Ichoria continues to wait, but falls asleep at 5:10. "ichoria hey ichoria wake up" No matter how much Jakey prods her, Ichoria will not wake up. She is firmly asleep, and to make matters worse, Michelle has arrived. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 006: Once More [Icelia]
"jakey now some other girl is standing outside the wicked chateau; it is strange to icelia; does she desire icelia's autograph?" "maybe, i'll go check" Jakey heads outside. Ichoria is still outside with her face coloured with a marker. "jakey what happened last night" "you fell asleep at 5:10 and i couldn't wake you up" "that's strange" "i think your biological clock is set to go to sleep when the sun starts to set, regardless of condition; the rest of the blood elves were likely just trying to make sure you didn't fall asleep in a precarious place" "so what you're saying is i should come up with an invention that will let me stay awake, maybe in liquid form" "maybe it could be made out of some kind of bean" "a legume-based drink? surely that couldn't be the solution" "you never know" Jakey gets Ichoria a coffee from inside. "try it" "it smells good but i'm not sure about this colour" "just drink it" "fine" Ichoria tips back her mug, and immediately energised. "what's in this stuff? it's pretty great i mean i like it a lot it's really nice and cool and i like the taste and did i mention the smell it's really good and i like it a lot and i-" Ichoria immediately crashes and falls asleep at 4:50 PM. "well that was unexpected" Within three minutes, Ichoria wakes up again. "what happened" "you got hyper, crashed, fell asleep, and now you've woken up again" "what time is it" "4:53" "well now that i've had a nap, i should be able to stay up" Jakey and Ichoria wait for nightfall, but, once again, Ichoria falls asleep at 5:10. "shame" Michelle walks up and pours coffee down Ichoria's throat, but to no avail. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 007: Candygram [Icelia]
"well, it's valentine's day; the most sacred of holidays" "do you have anything big planned" Icelia laughs. "icelia finds it amusing that you'd even have to ask; for this valentine's day, icelia will be flooding the entire world with roses and chocolates" "dethorned roses, right?" "THE THORNS ARE WHAT MAKE ROSES SO BEAUTIFUL!!!" "someone's going to get very injured from all these thorns" "some must suffer so that others may prosper; never forget that jakey" "at least the chocolates should be good" "ah yes; icelia's favourite, the bitterest of dark chocolate" "you fiend" "if the rabble cannot appreciate the deep, rich taste of pure dark chocolate, that is not icelia's problem; think of this as a learning experience if you are such an uncultured boor" Jakey looks outside and sees Michelle catch a ball of dark chocolate on her tongue. She immediately throws up. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 008: Exclusivity Agreement [Icelia]
"ah jakey good timing; icelia has called up a famous reporter so icelia can give the people what they want: an exclusive interview" The doorbell rings, and Violet is let inside by Stacy, who has a pulley system so she is not too put out of her nap. "welcome miss violet" "what's this about" "icelia has deigned to give you an exclusive interview" "no can do; eleatrice already gave me an exclusive interview" "right, and icelia wants one as well" "um no that interview with eleatrice was an EXCLUSIVE and it goes both ways out of RESPECT; she doesn't give interviews to any other reporters, and i don't take interviews from any other demonesses" "that is the most ridiculous thing icelia has ever heard" "i imagine 'respect' would seem ridiculous to someone who would call up someone to receive an interview when the words 'EXCLUSIVE' were in big print above the last one" "icelia is done with you" Icelia hits a button, sending Violet down into the Wicked Chateau's dungeon. "the wicked chateau has a dungeon?" "apparently; icelia thought that button was the incinerator" Michelle crawls out of the incinerator, singed. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 009: The Most Terrible Evil of All [Icelia]
"bad news jakey; the reporter icelia locked in the dungeon is planning to write a story about how she was treated and it seems to cast icelia in a NEGATIVE light!!!" "how uh unexpected" "icelia has given her a trio of quadrilateral meals every single day, but that just isn't good enough for SOME people" "so what's the plan" "icelia has hired a lawyer" Natalie waves from the other side of the room. "she sure gets around" "please go with our lawyer friend while icelia relaxes after such a difficult day" Jakey and Natalie head down to the dungeon, where Violet is furiously writing a story. "oh good it's that lawyer i ordered" "yeah no; icelia ordered first, and i am dutybound to take the case i was given" "oh no" "sign here" "no way man" "okay, noted; violet has waived her free parking validation, and her car will be towed at her expense" "WHAT WAIT NO" Natalie hands Violet the clipboard, and Violet signs it in a second. "thanks, you've been very helpful" Natalie snatches away Violet's pad of paper and tears out every page relating to Icelia and throws it in the shredder. Natalie then puts a chip into Violet's pen. "if you write anything about icelia, your pen will explode, covering you in ink and ruining your clothing" "you at least validated my parking right?" "no, your car is being towed now" "DAMMIT" Violet hunkers down in her cell, pouting, next to Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 010: Suddenly Icy, This Is What I Wanna Be [Icelia]
"ah, jakey, icelia is preparing for her performance at the hell dome tonight alongside the spice women" The Spice Women all wave from across the room. "are you singing?" "of course!!! icelia's voice is a beautiful gift icelia is giving to all the people" "can i hear your rehearsal" "icelia does not see why not" The girls all take their places, and the tune starts. "♫icy trees of green, red roses too; icy, they bloom, for icelia and you; and icelia thinks to icelia's self, what a wonderful world♫" "why did you refer to yourself in first person at the start, then switch to third person" "huh? icelia was singing 'icy' as in 'covered in ice'" "the original is meant to say 'the person who is singing sees'" "aw fuck" Icelia throws her hands up. "the concert is tonight and now icelia and the band need a different song entirely because APPARENTLY icelia has always heard that song wrong" "aw man" "this sucks" "how are we going to learn a song by tonight" "what if you had a background projector displaying the lyrics as you want them to be" "then people would just think icelia is stupid and deaf" "well, do you all just happen to know any songs?" "oh icelia has got one: ♫icy, the bathroom risin'♫" "the person who is speaking sees the bad, moon rising" "seriously?" "maybe singing just isn't for you" "no, icelia will come up with a song to dazzle the crowds!!!" Just then, Michelle walks in wearing a cowboy hat. "♫country roads, take me home♫"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 011: The Old Standby [Icelia]
"so icelia did you ever find a song to sing" "oh, yes; icelia sang the old classic, wonderwall; the crowd loved it" "that sounds about right; at least you know that if this hellection doesn't go your way, you've got a promising career in song" "no, icelia's songs are reserved for special occasions; icelia has even had all the cellphone recordings of the show taken down from the video websites; if you were not there, you do not deserve to hear icelia's song" "tough, but fair" "the whole world wants to see icelia, and it's not fair to those who made the journey for anyone with a computer to hear icelia's song" "what about the terminally ill who can't leave the hospital to go see icelia" "you make a good point; luckily for those unfortunate souls, icelia will be doing an encore performance at the terminally ill hospital" "smart; secure the terminally ill vote, because they only care about who can provide them with short-term comfort" "icelia is nothing if not practical" Jakey turns around, sensing Michelle behind him. "♫maybe you're gonna be the one that takes me (home)♫"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 012: Theft and Burglary [Icelia]
"JAKEY some brigands are stealing icelia's wifi!!! icelia cannot allow this to stand!!! follow icelia to the roof and icelia will deal with these ruffians!!!" Icelia leads Jakey to the roof, where two familiar harpies sit, watching videos on their laptop. "YOU FIENDS!!! CEASE THIS ACTIVITY AT ONCE OR FACE ICELIA'S WRATH!!!" "like we were just like totally awed by your like concert video that we like had to come here and like see you for ourselves?" "WHAT CONCERT VIDEO?!" "it's like on the sailor's bay; everyone's totally downloaded it and stuff" "you're like totally famous all over the internet" "WHAT" "like, thousands of people have even like posted videos of them like reacting to your song" "THOSE PARASITES!!! GETTING REVENUE OFF OF ICELIA'S SONG!!!" "yeah but like what are you gonna do? it's like totally not illegal" "okay okay calm down" Iclia rubs her temples. "icelia needs a plan" "you could always hire an assassin to take out the reactors, then hunt down the owner of the sailor's bay yourself" "that is a brilliant idea!!! icelia is glad to have thought of it; do you know any assassins" Jakey produces Sophia's business card. "please tell her i referred you; five more referrals and i get a free medium soft drink" "icelia will tell her you referred icelia five times" "oh thanks" "mmf mmf mff" Jakey turns to see Michelle with her tongue stuck to a pole. "mfff mmm hmff"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 013: It's a Terrible Thing to Lose [Icelia]
"all right sophia; icelia is entrusting you with this important task" "on it chief" Sophia exits the Wicked Chateau, passing Jakey his free medium soft drink along the way. "how did she know i liked mountain dew" "enough about mountains jakey; icelia must tell to you icelia's brilliant plan" "lay it on me" "icelia has recorded a demo tape of multiple songs; the owner of the sailor's bay will be unable to resist this treasure, and when she strikes, icelia will spring the trap" "so, we wait?" "yes" Jakey and Icelia wait for the thief to pounce, and pounce she does. The fell ship captain Morgan swoops in and grabs the demo tape, but is caught in a cage mid-swing. "ha HA!!! icelia has defeated icelia's adversary!!!" "i'll be out of this cage in five minutes" "no, you won't" Icelia draws her gun and shoots Morgan in the head, killing her instantly. "that's more efficient a solution than i'm used to" "icelia prides icelia's self on icelia's efficiency" "in everything but speech" "there is a time for efficiency and a time for extravagence; icelia prides icelia's self on knowing the difference" "sure, sure" Just then, from Morgan's body erupts a ghostly form. "aw fuck i'm a ghost" "if you did not want to be a ghost, you should have thought of that before crossing icelia!!!" "this sucks; my body is still holding the demo tape, but my ghostly form can't touch it!!!" "now you know the torture icelia feels when icelia sees her beautiful song on the internet, unspecial in way it should never have been" Morgan sadly floats out of her cage and off to the hellish ghost lot to buy a ghost ship to replace her regular ship she can't use. "so what are you going to do with the demo tape" "hmm icelia hadn't thought about it" Icelia grabs the tape from Morgan's dead fingers. "icelia would like you to have it" "really?" "yes, but icelia's demo tape is for your ears only; if icelia's songs end up on the internet, icelia will destroy you and everything you hold dear" "noted" Jakey takes the demo tape from Icelia, then is given another demo tape by Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/'Vote for Icelia' t-shirt/THE END]