One Thing to Remember (2022)

Mission 050: The Problem with Living on the Coast [Molyndre]
"hey jakey check out my valuable dark elven artefact" "what even is it" "it's the first ever dark elven toaster; this is how ancient dark elves ate delicious toast" "oh wow what is it powered by" "nuclear energy, which is why i am wearing this hazmat suit" "smart; i wish i had had such foresight when you simply called and said 'come to the twilit beach i have something cool to show you'" "i thought humans were immune to radiation" "that's orcs" "oh sorry" Just then, a large ship pulls up on the shore, manned by a crew of sailors wearing hazmat suits. "arrrgh and avast; my name is captain morgan and i am here to steal your treasure" Without even thinking, Molly fires her gun straight at Morgan, but nothing happens. "do you really think i would be so stupid that i wouldn't cover my hazmat suit in dark elven kevlar?!" Molly begins shooting the hull of the ship with her powerful dark elven bullets. "do you really think i would be so stupid that i wouldn't cover the hull of my ship in dark elven kevlar?!" "fine just take the damn thing" Molly hucks the toaster over to Morgan. Morgan catches it and sails away. "are you sure you're just going to give up such an important artefact just like that" "that was actually just a replica; it's not even really nuclear-powered like the original" "why did you want to show me a replica then" "because i got word that a sailor wanted to steal our precious toaster so this was really just a decoy run" "oh smart" Michelle walks up and shows off a human toaster. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/dark elven toaster t-shirt]

Mission 051: Revisionism [Molyndre]
"hey jakey care to join me for a twilit melon" "that's a canteloupe" "that term is regular elf propaganda to try and erase the twilit forest out of everyone's perception and i'd thank you to not say that word in front of me every again" "so uh twilit melons huh" "yeah they're so much better than regular melons; have a taste" "fine fine" Jakey takes a bite of the twilit melon. "well?" "it's fine" "FINE?! this is the most amazing food in the world!!!" "not really" "oh well you show me a better food then" "okay" Jakey orders a pizza, and within fifteen minutes, the post lady arrives to deliver eight delicious triangles. "what the fuck is this" "it's a pizza; try it, it's good" "i don't know; it looks really sketchy and i'm on a no-sketch diet" "fine i will eat it all by myself then" Jakey begins eating the pizza and making exaggerated noises of tastely pleasure. "okay fine" Molly grabs a slice and hesitantly bites into it. "okay i was wrong; this is great" "i know right" Jakey, Molly, and Michelle continue eating their pizza. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/twilit melon t-shirt]

Mission 052: The Prefix is In [Molyndre]
"jakey check it out i just invented twilit pizza" "did you just put a canteloupe onto a pizza" "it's CALLED a TWILIT MELON" "sorry: did you just put a twilit canteloupe onto a pizza" Molly glares at Jakey. "yes, i did just put a TWILIT MELON onto a pizza and it is delicious" Jakey looks down to see that no bites have been taken out of the pizza. "i mean i assume it is" "famous last words" Jakey grabs a slice and takes a bite. "this is terrible" "oh pfft i do not believe you" Molly grabs her own slice and takes her own bite. "okay yeah that was awful" "do you have any twilit pepperoni or" "no but i've got a twilit cucumber" "that's a pickle" "yeah i was just messing with you on that one" Michelle walks up and devours the twilit melon pizza. "that was delicious; take me home"
[reward: respect +/twilit melon pizza t-shirt]

Mission 053: Paradigm Shift [Valerie]
"valerie i heard about your shifty corpse problem" "y-yeah i-it's r-really stressing m-m-me out" "where is this corpse" Valerie hesitantly pulls a tarp off of a corpse. "oh i can see him eyeballing me" "i-i-i c-called a p-professional t-to handle it" "more professional than a gravedigger?" "th-this one i-isn't g-getting a grave" Right on cue, a black limousine pulls up. A man clad in a black suit exits the vehicle and approaches Valerie. "are youse the one who called" "y-yeah" "where's the target" "r-right h-here" Valerie gestures downward to the corpse. "uh youse usually do this to people who are still alive" "i-i-i j-just w-want it g-gone sir" "oh well money's money" The man grabs the corpse and gives it the concrete shoes treatment before hucking it into the ocean. Valerie hands him his money, and he leaves with his goons. "who was that" "d-don f-fetuccini o-of the f-fetuccini family" "jesus christ every time i destroy one mafia family another just pops right up" The limousine returns, drops off Michelle, and leaves again. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/another fucking mafia family]

Mission 054: Back to Basics [Valerie]
"so how's the gravedigging going" "i-it f-feels s-so good t-to be w-working with non-shifty a-and d-dry corpses again" Just then, Julia appears with a corpse in her corpse sack. "hey can you bury this for me" "wh-what happened th-this time" "this fucking guy right? he was being shifty in the park without a permit AND EVEN WORSE he was soaking fucking wet in the park without a permit" Valerie looks down at the shifty-looking, soaking wet corpse. "s-sorry i-i-i c-can't accept th-this" "why not" "i-i-i h-have a policy t-to n-never bury s-such shifty-l-looking c-corpses" "fair enough i'll just call up don fetuccini; i was hoping you'd give me a good deal but i guess i've got to pay the big bucks" "s-sorry" "nah i can respect you having moral policies like that" Julia walks off to make a phone call, and Michelle walks on after finishing her phone call. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Julia missions]

Mission 055: Filling the Void [Olivia]
"hey jakey i just got a temp request from the king bran himself" "he needs a new maid" "yeah; he has a cleaning robut but he can't figure out how to charge its battery or make it do anything" "yeah his maid always did all that" "well we don't want to keep him waiting" "right" Jakey and Olivia head on down to King Bran's castle, which is a complete and total mess. "what happened here" "someone keeps PRANKING ME and bringing all this dust into my house!!! i have done NOTHING but oh ho ho HERE'S SOME MORE DUST FOR ME" "have you tried making dust illegal" "YES BUT THAT DID NOTHING" "do not worry king bran; i have brought my most powerful orcish cleaning solution" Olivia whips out a bottle of the Orcish-Clean Dishwashing Solution. She pours it onto the dirty dishes in the sink, and they all melt down to nothing. "that's never happened before" "yeah i don't think your orcish acid is safe on ceram" "okay well i guess i can still sweep the floors" Olivia pulls out a stick with a wide clump of steel wool on it. "um please don't use that" "why not" "it will destroy the floor" "man you humans need to build your stuff better" Olivia pulls out an orcish dusting implement, which is simply a flamethrower. "um olivia thanks for your help but i'll take it from here" "okay suit yourself" Olivia shrugs and leaves the castle, taking all of her orcish cleaning implements with her. Michelle walks up and smacks Jakey over the head with an orcish washing cloth, which is made of hardened leather. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/orcish washing cloth appears at safehouses]

Mission 056: Culture Shock [Olivia]
"hey jakey jakey check it out i've made an art" "i find that hard to believe; you're not an artistic sort" "yeah no orc has ever made an art before today but i have successfully made an art" "where is it" "TA-DA" Olivia rips a gigantic leather tarp off of her art. "what the fuck is that" "i made it out of the entrails of my enemies" "what enemies" "telemarketers" "oh i love it then" "i knew you would" Olivia places her art into the first-ever orcish museum of art, right next to Michelle's drawing of a ducky. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/ducky shirt]

Mission 057: Not Hiring Local [Amber]
"hey jakey the king bran just called and asked for my help specifically" "wow you're not even living in his country" "yeah how do i look" "the same as ever" "good; let's roll" Jakey and Amber head on down to King Bran's castle, which is still a complete and total mess. "um hello?" "hi there miss amber; don't mind the dust; it's not so bad once you get used to it" "um okay so what did you call me here for" "my favourite bouncy ball got stuck in the rafters and i can't reach it; i'll give you fifty bux if you get it for me" "deal" Amber flies up, grabs the ball, and returns it to King Bran in exchange for the fifty Alabama Fun Bux note. Factoring in the exchange rate to her native currency, fifty Alabama Fun Bux totals out to fifty Obnoxious Celtic Fun Bux. "thanks i usually have my maid get the big ladder but she's in jail" "oh i'm so sorry" "hey um do you know anything about robuts" "oh yeah i went to trade school as a robutics specialist" "i'll give you another fifty bux if you show me how to charge my robut and give it orders" "done deal" As Amber and King Bran head to the storage room, Michelle emerges from within a cloud of dust. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Robutics Trade School t-shirt]

Mission 058: A King's Bounty [Amber]
"so what are you going to do with your hundred bux amber" "nothing because i've already done it" Amber places a huge basket of faerie wings onto the table. "we are going to feast" "you're inviting me?" "yeah i mean you gave me a ride so i'll let you in on it" "nice" Jakey and Amber sit down to eat their meal, and all goes well until about halfway through, when the house explodes. Amber's enhanced pixington reaction time allows her to grab the basket of faerie wings and fly out the window, avoiding the explosion. Jakey is not so lucky, having the entire building collapse onto him. "I'M OKAY" "i can't BELIEVE someone would do this" "i can" "man you need to stop making so many enemies" "i am 99% sure it wasn't one of MY enemies" "fine then your sister needs to stop making so many enemies" Michelle looks up from her plate of faerie wings, which she managed to escape from the explosion with, due to her enhanced princess reaction time. "i can't help it if my style invokes such jealousy; jakey, take me home"
[reward: respect +/Svart of Darkness missions]

Mission 059: Actions Without Consequence [Sophia]
"uh sophie why are you still hanging around the graveyard" "my limbs still feel really stiff and like walking around isn't as easy as it used to be" "i can get you a wheelchair" "i don't have a wheelchair license" "uh-" "also i kind of like it here; it's got a great atmosphere" "uh whatever makes you happy; are you going to go back to being evil" "no, now that i'm back, i'm free as a bird and i certainly will not be renewing my evil union card" "i thought you liked being evil" "i did until i realised that that demoness was sending me on suicide missions specifically to spite you and not letting me kill generic civilians as was my initial intention" "i've never once seen you kill a generic civilian; it's always named characters" "i never got the chance; no one's willing to pay to have me kill a generic" Just then, a random generic pedestrian walks by the graveyard. "hey sophie i'll give you fifty bux if you kill that guy" "done" Sophia raises Mr. Shooty slowly and carefully, and fires a bullet straight at the generic pedestrian. Jakey hands her a fifty Alabama Fun Bux note. "it feels so good to kill again" "i'll bet" "here jakey; to celebrate me not being evil any more, have a stick of gum" "i'm not falling for that one again" "shame" Michelle walks up and grabs the stick of gum, and receives an electric shock. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/stick of gum t-shirt]

Mission 060: Back in the Swing of Things [Sophia]
"hey jakey check it out" Sophia walks across the room. "um wow" "yeah i hired a physical therapist; it was REALLY hard to find one that was just physical and not also mental" "yeah that just drives up the price for something you don't want" "exactly; mental therapists are the worst" "did one try and make you find a new best friend" "YEAH so i wrote up my own assassination contract; no one's going to split up me and mr shooty" "he's been there through thick and thin" "exactly; a true friend doesn't mind when the money gets thin or the situation gets thick, and mr shooty is the truest of friends" "can't argue with that" "our bond is so strong that we don't even need to use words any more; mr shooty is always there when i need him and vice versa" Just then, the post lady shows up and delivers some Chinese food. "i don't know what i'd do if mr shooty didn't remember to order dinner; i can never remember such things" Michelle walks in and hands Jakey a stick of chicken teriyaki. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/chinese food t-shirt]

Mission 061: The Holy Experiment [Brooke]
"jakey i've been experimenting with making various liquids holy" "you can do that yourself now?" "yeah my stronger faith allows me to make any liquid i wish holy; holy water, holy milk, even holy motor oil" "how did THAT one taste" "i've had better" "i'll bet" "so today i have decided to try and create my most ambitious holy liquid yet: holy mountain dew" "that's redundant" "perhaps; but we will not truly know unless we try" Brooke begins the ritual dance around a twelve-ounce can of classic green Mountain Dew. Soon, the ritual is complete and Brooke takes the first sip. "it tastes exactly the same" "see i told you" "well that just saves me a lot of time; now i can simply just drink mountain dew all the time and not worry about making anything holy" "i've been doing that for thirty years now" Michelle walks up and cracks open her own Mountain Dew. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Mountain Dew t-shirt]

Mission 062: News of the World [Victorrhea]
"hey jakey have you seen my sister? she hasn't been to visit lately" "she's in jail" "oh i always knew her over-zealousness would get her into trouble one day" "she's a real headcase that one" "yeah" "so what have you been up to" "oh the make-a-wish people came in for someone else who is also terminally ill and she wished for something really cool" "that's how it usually goes" "well when they asked me all those years ago i wasted it, not knowing the power i held" "did you wish for a stick of gum" "yeah" "well fuck that; i've got royal canada powers and diplomatic immunity and also i know a genie; you make yourself another wish and it'll get granted" "i wish i could jump at least the once" "hmm i got it" Jakey helps Victorrhea out of bed, then lifts her up off of the ground, setting her back down after several seconds. "how was it" "terrifying" "what" "i thought i was going to die" "uh-" "thank you jakey you made me really glad that i'll never jump even once in my life" "uh you're welcome?" Michelle walks into the room and also lifts Victorrhea for several seconds. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jean missions]

Mission 063: Wishing Well [Victorrhea]
"jakey jakey um i thought of another wish can i please please have another one" "you can have as many wishes as you want, but bear in mind that there are only sixty-two missions left" "okay okay cool so you know like pudding right?" "i'm familiar with the concept" "cool cool so can i just have like a giant vat of pudding to like swim around in" "why" "why not" "can't argue with that logic" Jakey pulls out his walkie-talkie. "grace plan delta; this is not a drill" Within minutes, Grace has successfully dropped a gigantic tub of pudding outside of Victorrhea's window. "i don't know which is more strange; the fact that you had that on speed-dial, or the fact that it was the fourth option" "the canadian special service is always prepared" "i can see that; now if you will excuse me" Victorrhea leaves to get changed into a swimsuit. Michelle enters wearing her own swimsuit. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Special Agent Grace missions]

Mission 064: Gone Forever [Victorrhea]
"yo victorrhea how's the pudding working out for you" "someone stole it" "what why" "i don't know; i woke up this afternoon and my pudding was gone" "i will bring to justice the ruffian that did this" "oh thanks; i was just going to mope about it for a while" Jakey walks outside, and notices a trash can in the middle of the woods. "violet what are you doing" "oh jakey great i wanted to tell someone about my good fortune" "good fortune?" "YEAH so there i was, scoping out the clinic, when i found a wild tub of pudding!!! i'd never seen one in its natural habitat so i was cautious on my approach and snuck right up and ate the whole thing" "that wasn't wild pudding" "it wasn't?" "yeah it belonged to victorrhea and now she's really sad that her pudding is gone" "aw man now i feel horrible; i got so excited thinking i'd finally found a wild pudding, and it turns out that it belonged to someone and not just anyone, a terminally ill girl so it's even worse what i did" Violet pulls out the article she'd written about the wild pudding. "guess my next scoop is about my crimes" "um we can just get more pudding" "no no the news is all about the truth and i've got to lay out my scoop" "you could make it a scoop about how you replaced what was accidentally stolen" "'reporter steals pudding, feels bad about it' doesn't make a very good headline" "violet if you end up in jail how are you going to get the scoops of the future" "i hate hard decisions" "i'll go replace the pudding" "no no i'll do it" "okay" "give me a kick" Jakey kicks Violet's trash can, and she solemnly rolls down the hill to replace the pudding she'd eaten. Michelle walks up, carrying several jars of pudding. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Violet missions]

Mission 065: Debunked [Ruth]
"ruth what are you doing all the way out here" "i need to inspect this bunker" "the location of this bunker is supposed to be a secret" "it still needs to pass inspection" Ruth knocks on the bunker's door, and the eye slit slides open, reavling Wu Huiqing inside. "BUNKER INSPECTION" "GAH" "all right my name is ruth barlow, i'm with the inspection board" "um hi" "please open the door miss" "no way; there are aliens out there" "the alien invasion ended a year ago" "that is just what an alien would say" "that's also what someone who isn't an alien would say, given that the alien invasion did indeed end a year ago" "i don't believe you; you're here to probe me" "miss-" The eye slit slams shut, and Wu Huiqing runs over to the defense console, activating the turrets. "LEAVE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL FORCE-FEED YOU HOT LEAD" "these guns do NOT pass inspection" Ruth slaps the "FAILED" stamp onto the guns, destroying them. "OH NO" "this door doesn't pass either; the knob is a half-inch too low" Ruth slaps the "FAILED" stamp onto the door, forcing it open. "STAY BACK ALIEN" "this bunker wouldn't protect you from anything" Wu Huiqing fires her pistol at Ruth, but the bullet just bounces off her bulletproof vest. Ruth slaps the "FAILED" stamp onto Wu Huiqing's forehead, and leaves the bunker. "OH NO NO NO I'M BEING PROBED HELP" "that's not what probing is" "THAT'S JUST WHAT AN ALIEN WOULD SAY" Exasperated, Ruth hops into her inspection truck and leaves the secret site. Michelle pops up from within a trash can inside Wu Huiqing's bunker. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Wu Huiqing missions]

Mission 066: All's Fair [Jezzie]
"why did you do it jezzie" "well i was hungry so i thought getting a burger was a good idea and i never can resist those french fries" "no i mean why did you revive bonerietta" "OH that right i'd nearly forgotten; well, YOU revived someone so i thought it was only fair that i revive someone as well" "goddammit" "also i made her completely resistance-proof" "you can do that?!" "yeah i'm kind of a big deal" Jakey hangs his head, once again defeated by this demoness. "now now don't worry; if you agree to become evil and enact my evil will, i will smite whomever you please except for myself of course" "i'll pass" "oh fine fine be that way; i'm going to eat this burger now but i've got someone here who has a bone to pick with you" "OH GOD NO" Jezzie presses a button, and Michelle appears from behind the curtain. "HEY JAKEY I'VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU; YOU MISSED YOUR APPOINTMENT TO TAKE ME HOME"
[reward: respect +/burger and fries t-shirt]

Mission 067: Technology is Amazing [King Bran]
"hey king bran how's a maidless life working out for you" "pfft; i've got the robut and she's better than any HUMAN maid could ever be" "really" "yeah check out what i programmed her to do" King Bran presses a button, and the android appears from the next room. "KONICHIWA KINGU BRAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI DESU" "why does she call you by so many honourifics" "i couldn't decide on just one; they're all so good" "uh-huh" "man this robut is great; she cleans and she speaks authentic japanese" "i don't think that's very authentic" "oh you're just jealous" King Bran presses another button, and the android turns to greet Jakey. "KONICHIWA PRINCEU JAKEY-SAN-SAMA-SAN DESU" "why do you get more honourifics than me?!" "she only has room in her memory for twenty honourifics and your sister is taking up ten of them" "oh yeah she's pretty honourable" "damn straight i am" The android turns, without command, to greet Michelle. "KONICHIWA PURINCESSU MICHERRU-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAMA-SAMA-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI DESU" Michelle nods, satisfied. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/KONICHIWA t-shirt]

Mission 068: Technology is Horrible [King Bran]
"DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU" The cacophony of "DESU" continues as Jakey enters the throne room. "what the fuck is this shit" "SHE'S STUCK ON DESU MODE AND I CAN'T GET HER OUT OF IT" "she'll run out of battery eventually" "I SPRUNG FOR THE THOUSAND-HOUR BATTERY AND SHE'S ON A FULL CHARGE" "guess you've got to get used to the desuing" "this sucks" "that's why i always hire human" "perhaps there is a point to that" King Bran walks over to the android and places duct tape over its mouth, slightly muffling the chorus of "DESU". "are you beginning to regret the actions that led you up to this moment" "not really; i did nothing wrong" "fair enough" "i'll just have to find a new human maid; do you know any humans" "a few" "great give them my ad" King Bran hands Jakey a flier, advertising the vacancy. He passes the first one to Michelle, the first human he'd ever met. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/stack of fliers appears at safehouses]

Mission 069: A Great Day to be Alive [Julia]
"ah what a great day it is jakey; the grass is green, the birds have permits to be chirping; everything is as it should be" "is that a murder happening over there" "WHAT" Julia stomps over to Sophia, who is in the process of murdering a generic pedestrian. "DO YOU HAVE A PERMIT FOR THAT" "oh yeah here you go" Sophia hands Julia her murdering permit. "oh okay carry on" Sophia returns to her murdering, and Julia takes in the evening air. "yeah, today was a perfect day by any standard; if only the statue had been here to see it" "have you considered getting a new statue" "uh i already did" "then where is it" "right th-" Julia is shocked to see that the replacement statue has been stolen. "GODDAMMIT" "guess you need to replace it again" "i don't have a statue-replacing permit any more; someone else took the only one, and she's in jail" "do you have a permit-printing permit" "jakey the responsibility of the permit-printing permit is NOT to be taken lightly; i can't just print permits because i feel like it; that would just be an abuse of power" "fine then be that way" "thank you" Julia mopes around some more as Michelle erects a new statue, having been released from prison. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sophia missions]

Mission 070: Let the Goo Times Roll [Julia]
"jakey did you leave this pile of goo in my park" "never seen it before in my life" "well it had to have gotten here somehow" "have you tried asking it how it got here" "oh that's fucking great idea; let me do that" Julia walks over to the pile of goo on the ground. "hey pile of goo; how'd you get here" "i walked" "GAH" Julia leaps backward, startled as the pile of goo forms into the shape of a woman. "well 'walked' is a bit of an exaggooration; it's kind of a goopy slime" "SINCE WHEN DO PILES OF GOO TALK" "sli'me on vacation in alabama from my home country of goo zealand" "that's not a real place" "yeah it is; gook at a map" Julia pulls out her phone and looks at a map of the world as Jakey looks over her shoulder. "there's a TWILIT forest now?!" "i was just as surprised as you to find that one out" "goo zealand i'll be damned" "yeah it's a small nation but it's home" "and what's your name" "oh sli'me goocille" "hi i'm jakey; tell me all about yourself" "well um i was born on gooly second slimeteen-seventy-goo but i recently went back to sgool and graduated from slime gooniversity a couple of years agoo" "fascinating; here's my phone number" Jakey passes Goocille his card, and it absorbs itself into her gooey form. "um thank goo very much" Michelle walks up and gives Goocille her own phone number. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Goocille missions]

Mission 071: Master Plan [Svart of Darkness]
"hey check it out; i finally came up with the perfect plan to kill that pixington" "really" "yeah look over there" "is that a red slime man" "yeah all male slimes are red, all female slimes are blue; everyone knows this" "if you say so" "so the red slime man wanted a car but didn't like any that i had so he said he was going over to the pixington dealership across the street right" "i don't like where this is going" "so i planted a remote bomb inside of his gooey form" "seriously" "yeah watch watch" Jakey and Svart of Darkness watch as Amber helps her goo customer. Svart of Darkness presses the button, and the slime man explodes. The explosion is dampened by the goo, so nothing is harmed except for the slime man, who is completely blown apart. "that didn't go as i planned" "so you just killed a guy for no reason" "well this counts as an evil act so i get more evil prize tickets; soon, i'll be able to afford some sweet horns" "and it looks like you caused some emotional trauma on amber" "GOOD" Michelle walks up and pours out a 40 for her homie. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Amber missions]

Mission 072: Race War [Svart of Darkness]
Jakey walks into Svart of Darkness's Used Autos to find Jezzie forcing Claire to feed grapes to Svart of Darkness. "what's happening in here" "OH jakey!!! it's amazing!!! svart of darkness has started a RACE WAR!!!" "between the slimes and the pixingtons?" "YEAH!!! it's the most evil act i've seen in as long as i can remember so i gave him a HUGE promotion!!!" "is that why he's got the horns and devil wings now" "yeah!!! i'll be honest: i didn't think he had it in him, but our little svarti has surpassed all expectations!!! i've assigned claire as his personal assistant and everything!!!" "help" "man, it's been FAR too long since we've had a race war!!! i'm all tingly just thinking about it!!! you races get along far too well for my taste!!!" Jezzie begins fanning herself off with her hand, as she jitters with excitement. "well!!! i'm off to watch the race war unfold!!! you're welcome to join me if you wish!!!" "i'll pass" "suit yourself!!!" Jezzie snaps her fingers, and teleports off. "isn't this great jakey" "not really" "jezzie is finally recognising my talents for evil!!! once that pixington is dead, i'll create the diamond ring from her blood and propose!!!" "the worst part is that i can't even try and deny that fact; i never thought you could do it" "story of my life, but as they say: he who laughs last laughs pretty fucking well" Michelle walks up and hangs posters for the upcoming racial battles. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jezzie missions/Claire Who is a Ghost missions]

Mission 073: The Afterparty [Jean]
Jakey walks into Jean's apartment to see her sprawled out on a table. "what's up with you" "not so loud; i'm hungover" "i wasn't aware genies were able to get hungover" "jezzie hosted a big race war party last night and there's something evil in that demon whiskey" "yeah i wouldn't ever accept a drink that jezzie offered me" "smart" "so what are your thoughts on the race war" "i am contractually obligated to love it" "what" "jezzie told all of us evil creatures that if we magically end the race war, she will magically end our very existence" "oh" "yeah she said it either needs to end naturally, preferably with one race wiping out the other, or you specifically need to come up with a convoluted plan to end it" "so what you're saying is that i'm stuck with this race war for fifty-two more missions" "basically" "where's michelle we need to speed this up" "not so loud; i'm hungover" Jakey turns to see Michelle slumped in a pile of boxes. "QUIETLY take me home"
[reward: respect +/genre awareness t-shirt]

Mission 074: Pre-Planned [Special Agent Grace]
"jakey i'm ready to infiltrate the slimes and attempt to stop the race war" "what's the point; it won't work until mission 125" "oh come on be more positive than that; i've already got the disguise and everything" "fine; go ahead" "sweet" Grace gets changed into her slime disguise, and becomes Goorace. "how's my accent: good day goo goo sir" "i can't tell the difference" "gooreat!!!" Jakey takes up a spotter position on a nearby rooftop as Goorace approaches the Goo Zealand border. "good day goo goo sirs; i have returned" "come on in fair slime maiden" Goorace enters Goo Zealand proper, walks up to the king of Goo Zealand, King Gooregoory, who is buying apples at the nearby goot stand. "sir king gooregoory gooreat day we're having" "agooreed; we should have started this race war decades agoo" "yeah everyone seems really gung-ho about it" "hey i can't really place that accent of goors; is that gooronto or baton googe" "no no it's chicagoo" "really? my wife is from chicagoo and she sounds nothing like that" "uh-" "please don't try and interrupt our race wars gooman; we didn't interrupt goo when goo wiped out all those other races" "fair enough" Goorace slinks back to Alabama, defeated. "i knew i should have said saigoon" Michelle pops up out of a gooey fold in Goorace's costume. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Saigoon Gooniversity t-shirt]