One Thing to Remember (2022)

Mission 025: Coming On Strong [Jasmine]
"jakey we've got another call about a corpse and uh it may not please you" "what who is it" "it's that painter alison lacroix" "WHAT" "maybe it's just another false report but we need to check it out" "yes let's go" Jakey hops into the passenger's seat of Jasmine's corpsemobile and they head out to Alison's manor. "alison are you alive in there" There is no answer. "i don't like the sound of that silence" "i'm torn" "while i don't appreciate your sentiment, i understand it" Jakey and Jasmine continue to roll through the house, until they find Alison's corpse with a woman hovering over it. Before Jakey can say anything, Alison pops back to life. "WHAT" "oh hi jakey what's up" "RESSIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" "my training has paid off; I CAN NOW RESIST THE BARRIER BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH" "y-you just resisted her back to life?!" "yeah and it was fucking AWESOME" "i guess a year really does make the difference" "so wait was it you prank calling me about the corpses?!" "no i intercepted the calls and rushed over to bring the corpses back to life" "how did you do that?! my phones are super-encrypted!!!" "i resisted the encryption obviously" "wha-" "don't bother questioning it; it's better for all of us that way" "HI I'M STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD" "oh yeah hi alison; how'd you die anyway" "i ate some of that power-clean dishwashing solution because someone online said it was delicious" "was it" "eh i've had better" "well i'm glad that everything is resolved satisfactorily and no one is currently dead" "amen" Michelle walks in carrying another corpse, which she gives to Jasmine. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Alison missions/Resistance Leadour missions]

Mission 026: Lack of Clarity [Azalea]
"azalea did you go back in time recently and somehow split the mystic forest into two parts" "what? no, the twilit forest has always been a thing" "seriously?" "yeah anyway i have another time thing i need to fix this year" "really?" "yeah it's like super-important; have you ever heard of the mega-clean powerwashing solution" "can't say i have" "well it works too well; it ends up cleaning the world of the existence of half the world's population" "oh wow but won't that massively change the future if you stop that from happening" "no because i already did stopped it in the future" "wait it's never worked like that before" "time travel is strange thing jakey; well beyond comprehension by mere mortals" "whatever let's just go" Jakey and Azalea head out to a factory in Canada, where Arabella unknowingly oversees the creation of a doomsday device. "STOP PRODUCTION" "um no" "I AM FROM THE FUTURE; your product ends up cleaning the world of the existence of half its population!!!" "am i in the half of the population that is cleaned away" "yes" "STOP PRODUCTION" "you did the right thing" "hmm maybe i should tone down on the uranium" "and the plutonium" "seriously?!" "yeah" "damn i got such a good deal on it too" Michelle pops up from within a vat of Mega-Clean Powerwashing Solution. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Arabella missions]

Mission 027: A New Religion for an Old God [Brooke]
"hey brooke i heard all about the new religion" "oh it's great isn't it; we've got all the cool shit under one roof: jesus, horoscopes, you know that stuff" "yeah i never knew you were into horoscopes" "it's a recent thing; when i was at my lowest point, i looked to the newspaper and found that the words printed for my kind - the aries - really spoke to me" "what did they say" "they told me that i am courageous, determined, confident, enthusiastic, optimistic, honest, passionate" "all good things to be sure" "i know right? it's amazing how they can tell all that about me from not even a glance" "sure is" "so would you like to join our religion" "i don't know; father brucie is my homeboy" "that man is a fraud" "because he enjoys tasting things?" "YES; as a part of this religion, FLAVOUR is outlawed" "what about unimportant and her smiley stack obsession" "she has explained that her obsession with the smiley stack is for its beauty as one of god's creations, not for its FLAVOUR; anyone seeking such satanic feelings is NOT allowed in" "then i definitely pass" "well then i have nothing more to say to you; you are lost and refuse to be found" "oh something's lost all right" "good day to you sir" Brooke removes Jakey and Michelle from her church, which is just her apartment. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Father Brucie missions/Unimportant missions]

Mission 028: A Clean Break [Gwendolyn]
"uh gwendo what's with all the power-clean dishwashing solution" "my fucking stream audience keeps sending it to me" "did you give them your address" "no they just put my name on the package and the post lady gives it to me" "she's a miracle worker" "but now what am i going to do with all this? i don't have any real dishes; even my cereal bowls are just disposable" "they're ceramic" "yeah ceram isn't very expensive; if they wanted me to keep them, they'd make them out of gold or something" "i reuse my ceramic bowls all the time; i've been using the same set for over a decade" "oh i didn't realise you were poor; your country must be in dire financial straits if even the royalty can't afford bowls" "uh-" "here you go; buy some bowls on me" Gwendolyn hands Jakey a one-hundred Alabama Fun Bux note, and sends him on his way with Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/$100]

Mission 029: Fore! [Gwendolyn]
"hey jakey have you heard of this new sequel to old movie game" "no i don't watch movie games" "well the first one was really successful; i thought it was boring and preachy but it makes money on the stream so it's fine but now the sequel's plot has been uh 'leaked' i think they call it" "is it bad" "the protagonist of the first film game gets killed with a croquet mallet and you spend half the game playing as the croquet player" "oh that sounds awful" "yeah i don't even like croquet" "throw it in the pile with space game trilogy" "ugh don't even get me started on space game trilogy" "i'm still mad about it" "same" Michelle takes a copy of Space Game 3 she'd found in a landfill and smashes it with a croquet mallet. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Space Game 1 (the only good one) t-shirt]

Mission 030: Order Up [The Great Cheryl]
"man i should have gotten into the dishwashing solution racket years ago; look at all this money" "it's an impressive amount" "is there anything illegal about this? getting this much money for doing something legal doesn't usually happen" "you are making it sound illegal" "hmm better launder the money just in case" The Great Cheryl grabs a crisp bank note and dips it into the Magiclean Dishwashing Solution. The bill comes out completely white. "well that was unexpected" "now i know THAT'S illegal" "i'll have to use worse detergent" The Great Cheryl puts all of her money into a big washing machine and pours regular laundry detergent onto it. "this may take a while; you want to get something to eat jeremy" "oh yeah that would be nice" "cool go out into the park and buy it" "right" Jakey heads over to the burger stand, which is manned by Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/laundered money t-shirt]

Mission 031: An Update [Deputy Orange]
"so how are the prisoners" "well inferno-girl is quietly serving out her sentence and has been a model prisoner" "she hasn't set anything on fire?" "only once but that was because i asked her to because i wanted to roast some marshmallows" "makes sense; what about candice" "she started out unruly, but once we transferred in her sedimentary lego bricks, she has done nothing but build, talk to herself, and cackle manically" "where is she" "she's in solitary confinement; since she built the prison herself, we can be certain that she will not destroy it with whatever other contraptions she builds" "any other prisoners i should know about" "oh right your sister says the food here is terrible and she wants to go home" Michelle helplessly stares at Jakey from within her cell. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/model prisoner t-shirt]

Mission 032: A King of the Past [Deputy Orange]
"jakey the king has activated his silent alarm" "oh no he only rarely rings that when it's not an emergency" Jakey and Deputy Orange hop into the squad car and head out for the castle. A single trash can sits in a bush outside the castle. "hey violet what's up" "GAH" Violet falls over backwards in her trash can and begins to roll down into the moat. "um sorry" "please set me back upright; i am missing the scoop of the century here!!!" Jakey does as he's told and watches the situation with Violet and Deputy Orange. King Bran is engaged in a heated argument against Emelyn and the android. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST BOUGHT ALL THIS POWER-CLEAN DISHWASHING SOLUTION!!! IT'S LIKE MY SKILLS AS A MAID MEAN NOTHING TO YOU!!!" "i didn't buy it; it just appeared here overnight" "DID IT GROW LEGS?! DID THE ROYAL CREDIT CARD CHARGE ITSELF?!" "it seems that way" "i am going to kill you" "not a chance; android, defend me" "no thanks i'm good" "dammit woman, if you kill me you'll never be able to solve this mystery" "MYSTERY?!" Erin falls from the ceiling straight onto Emelyn, who is knocked unconscious. "what seems to be the mystery king bran sir" "who charged my credit card for all this power-clean dishwashing solution?!" "let me dust for prints" Erin dusts the card, but finds nothing. "it appears the assailant was wearing gloves" "GLOVES?! OH I HAVE HAD IT WITH GLOVES" King Bran marches over to his throne and makes a royal decree that gloves are now illegal to own, sell, manufacture, and especially wear. "jakey was right all those years ago" Jakey pumps his fist, excited to finally be vindicated after seven years. While Jakey is celebrating, Deputy Orange goes in and arrests Emelyn. "you robot; are you going to kill the king" "my programming does not allow me to kill my owner" "GOOD" Deputy Orange drags off Emelyn by her collar. Violet turns to Jakey. "oh yeah i have a hot scoop for you; your sister told me she wants you to take her home" "sorry i was unable to take that hot scoop, as oven mitts have been made illegal" Michelle pops up out of the bushes and slaps Jakey. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Violet missions/King Bran missions/Emelyn missions]

Mission 033: Titties Without Borders [Piper]
"oh jakey good you're here; i have decided that limiting my charity work to just humans was a silly idea" "i could have told you that" "so today i have invited a dark elf from the twilit forest over and i'm going to increase her bust size" "nice" "i had also invited a regular elf, but she told me to fuck off because silicone isn't natural" "sounds like a certain race needs a genocide" "perhaps but let us not get bogged down in hatred for the mentally retarded; today is a joyous day for molyndre darkroot BEHOLD" Piper tears away the curtain to reveal that Molly's D-cups have ascended to F-cups. "beautiful" "yeah they're pretty sweet" "i am so glad that dark elves embrace technology, for technology is a beautiful thing" "more beautiful than nature in many instances" "word" Michelle tears away her own curtain to reveal her own that her D-cups have remained D-cups. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Molyndre missions]

Mission 034: Doomed to Fail [Natalie]
"i hate how people just keep clogging the legal system with pointless lawsuits that they're just going to lose anyway" "what happened this time" "some weirdo is suing that gravedigger valerie for not burying her dead kid" "what did valerie say" "she said that the kid looked shifty and she has a policy of not burying shifty-looking corpses" "smart" "yeah it's just common sense; this lawsuit is fucking trash and the judge king bran refused to even have a court session" "he's a busy man; he only has time to oversee the most important cases" "yeah like that time your sister sued olivia for stealing her pudding cup" "she got a decade's worth of pudding cups from the orcish parliament though so that was cool" "and olivia got to eat a pudding cup when she wanted one most so it was win-win really" Michelle walks in eating a pudding cup. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Valerie missions/Olivia missions]

Mission 035: Painting a Portrait [Alison]
"yo alison what are you up to" "oh i'm finally painting a real life pixington!!! i always wanted to but they're so small usually!!! then i ran into this normal-size one and now i get to check another off my list" Alison holds up her list of types of people she wants to paint. "that looks just like my list of types of girls i want to hold hands with and kiss on the face" "oh how's your list going" "our lists have the exact same people checked off of it" "oh what a coincidence" "so amber what's it like to be a model for a painting" "tiring; i've been hovering in place for hours" "so what's going to happen with the painting" "it's going to hang in the pixington auto showroom for all to see" "are you sure? that place has had a lot of accidents happen to it" "which makes it very unlikely that any more will happen to it" "if that makes you feel better i won't argue" "good" As Alison finishes up her painting, Michelle bursts into the room firing her gun wildly, but missing the painting, artist, and model. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Amber missions]

Mission 036: Aspirations [Alison]
"jakey today is the day; i am finally going to paint the twilit forest as i have always wanted to since i was a little girl" "did the twilit forest exist way back then? i don't remember it" "yeah totally; it's always been there as far as i am aware" "i don't remember it ever being on the map before this month" "you probably just never noticed it" "i guess" "anyway look at all these twilit trees; they're like so abnormal but in a cool way" "yeah not like those weird pointy mojavistanian trees" "those are the worst; they're so weird-looking and honestly what kind of tree has needles" "i hear they taste good though once dethorned" "i'd hate to be the guy at the dethorning plant" "i'd hate to be the guy who was the first to put it in his mouth" "oh yeah that was probably a horrible accident" Just then, Michelle has her own horrible accident when she falls out of a twilit tree straight onto her keys. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/twilit tree t-shirt]

Mission 037: Back and Better Than Ever Before [Resistance Leadour]
"jakey i am finally back and better than ever before (hence the name of the mission)" "i can see that" "i need a CHALLENGE; i CRAVE a challenge" "you should resist your cravings then" "BORING" "resist boredom then" "i am currently resisting slapping you across your pissant face" "that's a good one" "this may be the hardest resistance i've ever had to undertake" "okay okay fine let me think" Jakey ponders and ponders, scrolling through his phone contacts until he gets to one who could certainly use the help. "okay so a couple years ago this one girl named sophia drake right? she died, got embalmed, and was buried" "AWESOME this is JUST what i wanted" "also her spirit was exorcised by a priest" "i am resisting salavation at the prospect; let's roll" Resistance Leadour closes her eyes, and suddenly she and Jakey are at the graveyard. "WHAT" "i simply resisted not being at the graveyard" "yes because that's extremely simple" "it is after my intense training" "what exactly did you do" "i would like to resist talking about it" "naturally" "NOW BEHOLD or resist NOT beholding; whichever works for you" Resistance Leadour resists and resists. First, she resists the casket being buried, unearthing it. Second, she resists the seal on the casket, opening it and leaving Sophia's body open to the air. Third, she resists the slight decomposition, restoring the body to pristine condition. Fourth, she resists the embalming, the exorcism, and finally, the death itself. "JESUS FUCK THAT HURT" "IT'S ALIVE!!!" "what happened" "well uh you succeeded in the contract on yourself, and have been dead for two years" "where's mr. shooty" Jakey passes Mr. Shooty over to Sophia, unaltered. "what happened to my demonic eye" "your contract was terminated" "aw" "so are you going to go back to assassinations" "it's all i know how to do" "fair enough" "psst jakey you have those weirdo healing powers right" "yeah" "why didn't you just use them on sophia when she died" "I FORGOT OKAY" "were you just planning on leaving her dead" "yeah but then you showed up again and removed the consequences of her actions by being too powerful" "yeah i suppose i have gotten a bit out of hand" Michelle walks up to put flowers on Sophia's grave, but just hands them to her when she realises that Sophia is alive again. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sophia missions]

Mission 038: Solving the Age-Old Question [Resistance Leadour]
"yo ressie i've always wondered: what's with the goggles? you never actually wear them over your eyes" "i just think they're cute; they've become such a signature part of my look that i resist being caught DEAD without them" "so what are you up to now" "well as you can see my laundry is dirty" "yeah why didn't you resist the dirt" "usually i do but i stopped for now because i wanted to resist the cleaning powers of the power-clean dishwashing solution on my clothes" "then are you going to wash them for real" "yeah even i don't resist having standards" Resistance Leadour pours the Power-Clean Dishwashing Solution onto her laundry and begins the cycle, resisting the cleaning power of the solution every step of the way. Once the laundry is done, she puts it into the dryer, and when that is done, she reveals her still-dirty clothes. "so what did that accomplish" "i got personal satisfaction out of it" "fair enough" Michelle walks up and puts her own laundry in with Resistance Leadour's. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/'I was trying to imply that Ressie was only wearing goggles in that mission and was otherwise completely naked' t-shirt]

Mission 039: Getting to the Heart of the Problem [Resistance Leadour]
"ressie can you resist not doing me a favour" "when you put it like that of course i can" "are you able to resist someone's very existence" "oh yeah i had to do it all the time back in the arctic; all those eskimos trying to kill me for my blubber" "your blubber?" "yeah my blubber" Resistance Leadour cups her breasts. "oh yeah your blubber is one of your best features" "so anyway who do you want me to remove from this mortal coil" "well it's not a human or anything; it's this terrifying skeleton woman who won't leave me alone" "hmm i've never tried it on a skeleton before but the human body already contains one so i imagine it'll be even easier than doing it with all the muscles and skin in the way" Jakey and Resistance Leadour stare at eachother for a moment. "so uh where is this skeleton" "i don't know; that's why she's so terrifying" "well i guess i'll have to start by resisting ignorance of her location aaaaand there she is right behind you" "GAH" "I'VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU" Jakey runs off screaming, and Resistance Leadour begins resisting the very existence of Bonerietta. "hey come on stop that" Resistance Leadour resists doing as she is told, and soon, Bonerietta is erased from existence. "oh thank you ressie you resist not being the best" "anytime" Michelle walks up behind Jakey and places a skeleton hand on his shoulder. "GAH" "take me home"
[reward: respect +/relief]

Mission 040: A Prank Too Far [Resistance Leadour]
"jakey i have decided to use my improved resistance powers to do pranks" "oh boy" "check it out over there" Resistance Leadour points to Amber, who is currently unable to fly, despite her best efforts. "um ressie that one may be a bit cruel" "are people not supposed to cry their eyes out while being pranked" "that should only happen if the prank involves onions" "oh okay" Resistance Leadour hucks an onion at Amber from the bushes, striking her square on the top of the head. "uh-" "relax i know; i'll just resist her memory of this event and let her go off free as a pixington" Amber flies off, unaware of why her face is so wet and why there is a lump on her head. "do you know of any other cruel pranks i can try" "oh yeah there's one i've wanted to do all year but couldn't make happen; so there's this girl named brooke right? and she's insane; she refuses to ever experience flavour and subsists only on communal wafers and holy water" "ugh i get why people eat for flavour but eating just for sustinence? not being able to resist your hunger is simply SHAMEFUL; i must prank this woman" Resistance Leadour concentrates, and soon she and Jakey are inside Brooke's apartment. Resistance Leadour places a hamburger on the table, but resists its appearance as a hamburger, making it appear as a communal wafer. Brooke walks in, hungry, and bites into the communal wafer. As she takes the second bite, Resistance Leadour stops resisting the hamburger's true appearance, and Brooke is stunned. The delicious hamburgerly taste flows over her buds, and she drops the hamburger. It does not hit the floor, as Resistance Leadour resists its gravity and sends it over to Jakey so he can finish it, wanting to resist wasting food. Tears stream from Brooke's eyes, as she believes she has failed her lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. Brooke wanders over to a cabinet, distraught, and pulls out a gun. Resistance Leadour resists her attempts to load the gun, so Brooke wanders over to grab a knife. She tries to stab herself, but Resistance Leadour resists the blade's sharpness, making it simply bounce off the skin and bone. Brooke then fashions a noose, but cannot get it tied properly, as Resistance Leadour resists the knot. "this must be a sign from jesus christ himself; there is nothing wrong with flavour and i was wrong for ever suggesting there was" Brooke wanders over to the phone and orders a pizza. "that went better than expected" "yeah i expected her to actually die" "that would have been very messy; i don't know if i can resist the death of someone who actually wants to be dead" "i'm sure we'll get to test that one out someday" Michelle walks up behind Jakey, eating a hamburger. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Brooke missions]

Mission 041: Biology [Arabella]
"and THIS is my deadly nanovirus factory" "you produce those?" "yeah" "why" "because if we create the nanovirus, we can also create the antidote, so if the chinese create the same virus, we will already have the cure" "oh smart" "also all the employees i am unhappy with get to be my test subjects so it's really a win all around" "i'll say" "this virus here makes your lungs shrivel up and fall off" "ew" "and this one does nothing for the first twenty years and then after everyone is infected, it will instantly kill everyone" "that could be awkward if you negotiate a peace treaty in year nineteen" "and this one forces the infected to take michelle home whenever she commands it" "michelle infected me with that one decades ago" "YEAH YEAH WATCH" Michelle runs in, excited. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/deadly nanovirus t-shirt]

Mission 042: Innovations [Arabella]
"and THIS is my gun factory" "wow this place is incredible" "hey check it out; we've created a new packaging for the guns" "the bullets are PRE-LOADED?! AWESOME" "yeah now ANYONE can point and shoot without pesky things like gun knowledge getting in the way" "i love this country" "same" Arabella and Jakey tour the facility further for hours and hours. "so then i says to victorrhea you know what i says? i says-" "FACTORY INSPECTION" "hello there" "all right my name is ruth barlow; i'm with the inspection board" "yes yes; check out our new gun packaging" Arabella shows Ruth the new packaging, with the bullets pre-loaded into the gun and the safety off by default. A single tear streams down Ruth's face. "this is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen" Ruth stamps Arabella over and over with the "PASSED" stamp. "i would give you a medal if i could" "got you covered" Right on cue, Bailey packs up a truck full of medals for Arabella, direct from Jakey. Also in the truck is Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Victorrhea missions/Ruth missions]

Mission 043: Back to Basics [Father Brucie]
"so how has brooke been since she came back to the fold" "better than ever before; her crisis of faith only made it stronger and now she's also less annoying to boot" "oh nice" "she's eating my communal wafer hamburgers faster than i can make them though" "well the girl has thought flavour was a sin for years now; it's only natural that she wants nothing but to taste" "that is why i am attempting to create a way to taste without eating or licking" "won't that just make her hungry" "good point" Brooke walks into the room, carrying a box. Her skin glows brightly from the holy water infusion once again. "what's that" "it's more of my stuff" "do you live in the church" "why would i ever want to be anywhere else" Brooke exits back to her room. "so you're basically living with brooke now" "yeah it's like having a wife but worse; i still get nagged at but i don't get to hug her and kiss her on the face" "that sounds like a true test from the lord" "yeah it sucks" Michelle stands up from a pew. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/pew t-shirt]

Mission 044: Left Behind [Unimportant]
"hey jakey uh do you know when the next meeting of brooke's church is? i stopped receiving the newsletter" "oh she disbanded her church and returned to the main one after resolving her crisis of faith" "WHAT" "yeah she tasted a hamburger and tried to kill herself" "aw man what am i going to do now" "you could always join the main church" "too many people; i liked brooke's because it was a small hangout for people to talk about horoscopes and sometimes jesus; brooke was a weirdo but so am i in the end" "you could always try to make new friends" "what's the point; i always get left behind and trampled on; i'm always just unimportant" "did your horoscope today tell you to be such a sadsack" "yeah; it always resonates with how i feel" Unimportant pulls out her scrapbook. "i've saved every horoscope i've ever read for sagittariuses, complete with dates" "uh" "by looking at the horoscope i can remember the feelings associated with the day and what it said i should do" "here's the one that told you to buy a gun" "yeah that one was a turning point definitely" "and here's today's: 'be a massive sadsack; recent events are nothing to be happy about' damn" "i feel bad for all the other sagittariuses out there who also have had a rough go of it as of late but if the horoscope had said 'don't worry, be happy', i don't think i could have done it" Michelle walks in and shows Jakey her own scrapbook, of all the times Jakey has taken her home. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/sadsack t-shirt]

Mission 045: Betrayal [Unimportant]
Jakey enters Unimportant's apartment, and is greeted by Unimportant, with tears in her eyes, pointing her gun straight at Jakey's head. "hey what's up" "my horoscope today told me i need to kill you" "seriously" "yeah but but i don't want to" "let me see that newspaper" Unimportant motions to the counter, never taking her aim off of Jakey's head. "unimportant this isn't your horoscope" "what" "someone placed a sticker over the real horoscope" "WHAT" Jakey carefully peels a sticker off of Sagittarius's horoscope, revealing the real horoscope under it. "the real one says to believe in yourself" "REALLY?!" Unimportant drops her gun and eagerly reads her real horoscope. "YESSSSSSSSSSS I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A HARD DECISION TODAY" "thankfully that is not the case" "phew" Unimportant pulls her emergency smiley stack out of the refrigerator, preserved for just such an occasion. Michelle walks up and reads her own horoscope. "my horoscope today says you have to take me home"
[reward: respect +/framed false horoscope sticker appears at safehouses]

Mission 046: Scooping Up [Violet]
"yo violet are you getting the scoop on who created this power-clean dishwashing solution and shilled it so hard" "uh no that sounds difficult so instead i have been going for an even juicier scoop" "oh do tell" "okay so you know if you leave a loaf of bread out, it will turn green and taste bad right" "i'll take your word on that last part" "well i was thinking 'what the fuck' but then i realised it's an INTENDED FEATURE by the bread-makers!!! this way they can make you buy more bread!!!" "those fuckers" "so i'm here at the bread factory spying on their bread laboratories" "anything interesting happen" "they're just eating bread" "oh cool" "WAIT WAIT LOOK THEY'RE DUMPING THE FAILED BATCHES OF BREAD INTO THE RIVER!!!" "now the ducks have some snacks" "yeah i guess that's not so bad" Violet hangs her head. "this is the most disappointing stakeout i've ever been on" "more disappointing than that time you wanted to stake out the mafia's pizzeria but accidentally staked out a regular pizzeria instead" "at least i got to eat a pizza that time" "true" Michelle walks up and delivers a piping hot pizza to Violet. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/bread t-shirt]

Mission 047: Face Your Demons [Violet]
"yo violet are you spying on jezzie again" "yeah as much as i try to get away from it, she just provides too much material" "what's she doing this time" "she appears to be performing some kind of ritual" Jakey grabs the second pair of binoculars, gazes into the demonic tower, and witnesses Jezzie doing a strange dance. "are you sure she isn't just listening to her tunes" "that may also be it" Jezzie raises her arms to the sky and trusts them downward. Magical demon energy causes a small explosion, and a skeletal figure appears in front of Jezzie. "oh no" "what" "OH NO" Jezzie steps aside, and the skeletal figure leaps through the window, diving straight at Jakey. "I'VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU" "NO NO NO" Jakey sprints as fast as he can away from the demonically-revived and enhanced Bonerietta, who is even more hellbent than before. Jakey runs and runs, eventually running across the ocean, until he realises he has escaped, as skeletons cannot swim. However, neither can he, and he cannot walk on water, either. Upon this realisation, Jakey falls into the water and drowns his way to the shores of Canada, where Michelle is playing hopscotch. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jezzie missions]

Mission 048: Mysterious Happenings [King Bran]
"so have you figured out who bought all this power-clean dishwashing solution yet" "no have you" "yeah" "well don't tell me i'll figure it out" "i doubt that" "are you doubting my ability to solve a mystery?!" "MYSTERY?!" Erin falls from the ceiling directly onto Jakey. "you there mystery woman; tell me everything you know about this power-clean dishwashing solution" "no" King Bran whips out his favourite pen and signs into law a royal decree. "this royal decree states that you UNDER PENALTY OF LAW must tell me everything you know about the power-clean dishwashing solution" "aw nuts you got me; i was the one who brought the power-clean dishwashing solution here and used your credit card to buy bionicles on ebay" "bionicles?! you are forgiven due to your impeccable taste" "hooray" "but you must explain to my maid emelyn what truly happened" "okay fine" Erin wanders off to the jail. "see i told you i could do it" "here have a gold star" Jakey sticks a golden star sticker to King Bran's nose. "thank you muchly" Michelle walks up and places a golden star sticker onto Jakey's nose. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Bionicle t-shirt]

Mission 049: The Place to Be [Emelyn]
"emelyn why are you still here? you were released from prison" "king bran ordered me to use all of the power-clean dishwashing solution we had until it was gone so i turned myself in to prevent myself from murdering him" "smart" "it's not all bad; i've got plenty of company" "yeah inferno-girl is a great conversationalist i hear" "oh yeah and this one time my steak wasn't cooked the whole way through so inferno-girl cooked it the rest of the way for me" "model inmate that one" "agreed; also candice is cool too; she built me a broom out of her sedimentary lego bricks" "i'm glad everyone's getting along in prison" "same" Michelle scrapes her cup across the bars of her cell. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/King Bran missions]