ADVENTURE
HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK

ADVENTURE

HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK
 
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 Nothing (2006)

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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:05 pm

Mission 000: Prologue [N/A]
"wake up fag" A man with a pretty funny (but not too funny) moustache hits Jakey in the head with a plank of wood. "hey that hurts" "my name is chuck; give me the diamonds filthy canadian pig" "NEVER" Chuck breaks the wooden plank over Jakey's head. "hey quit it" "no" "fuck" A man wearing nothing but a t-shirt that says "John McCain 2008" and his trademark cowboy hat swings from a rope and kicks Chuck in the head. "ow quit it" "no" "fuck" The man backflips off the rope, landing on two guards. "oh hey sheriff antony what's up" "oh you know" Sheriff Antony pulls his twin revolvers out from under his "John McCain 2008" t-shirt. Sheriff Antony fires at Chuck, who dives beneath a desk and grabs his Desert Eagle. "hey check this out" Chuck fires a bullet at a pipe. The bullet bounces off and hits Sheriff Antony right in his autographed "John McCain 2008" t-shirt. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER" Two guards emerge from doors on either side of the boat. Jakey lifts up the chair he's tied to, and headbutts the guard on the right into the wall, causing his knife to dislodge from its holster, cutting the rope on Jakey's right hand. Jakey grabs the guard's falling M4 and points it at the desk Chuck is hiding behind. Meanwhile, Sheriff Antony backflips over the guard on the left, and grabs his neck in the crook of his arm. Chuck sweats. "hey i have an idea" Chuck chucks his gun at the ceiling, hitting a secret button, which opens a trap door underneath him. Chuck giggles with delight as he falls down the shaft to his personal speedboat. "welp" "i will have my revenge" Sheriff Antony looks down at the bullet hole in his autographed "John McCain 2008" t-shirt. "it's only a matter of time" Michelle rapels down the rope attached to the top of the ship. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Alabama National High School safehouse/Sheriff Antony missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:05 pm

Mission 001: Crime and Punishment [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey that racist student has been expelled and you do not have to fear in the halls any more" "oh cool" "also for added protection against schoolyard racism i want you to have this" Sheriff Antony hands Jakey The Cubic Zirconia. "the diamonds?!" "no but the next best thing" "oh" "all you have to do is inject them into your blood and they should make you invincible for 125 missions or so" "how convenient" Jakey injects the syringe of The Cubic Zirconia into his blood. "ah that's the stuff" "oh you are above the age requirement right" "uh what is the age limit" "21" "uh sure yeah" "good" Sheriff Antony wanders off aimlessly while Jakey stifles a laugh. "man he is so gullible" "what was that" "i said 'he is so generous'" "oh don't mention it" Sheriff Antony walks off with his hands in his pockets, whistling badly. Jakey walks over to his locker, and opens it up to find Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Cubic Zirconia]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:05 pm

Mission 002: Punishment and Crime [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey our school needs a new force to bring order to the halls" "but what kind of person could do that" "not a person... a symbol" "uh-oh" "jakey i would like to make you a symbol to strike fear into the hearts of delinquents everywhere" "how do i do that" "by becoming more than just a man" Sheriff Antony stamps his foot, causing a large slide to appear to the school basement right under Jakey's feet. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Jakey falls to the floor with a thud. Sheriff Antony lands on top of him. "jakey, from this day forth, you will be... THE HALL MONITOR" "okay" "say the oath dammit" "what oath" Sheriff Antony points to a chalkboard. "uh hall monitor jakey reporting for duty s-" "NONONO put some EMOTION into it" "uh hall monitor jakey reporting for duty SIR i am ready to assume my position IN THE HALL i will protect all that are weak IN THE HALL all rules will be enforced IN THE HALL" "you're ready" Jakey dons the Hall Monitor hat and belt. "uh won't i need more to disguise myself" "nonsense" Sheriff Antony shoves Jakey up the ladder. Jakey turns to see Robert Truckdriver 16 shoving Professor Eif into a locker. "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM" "Break" Robert Truckdriver 16 and Robert Truckdriver 19 run off in separate directions. Jakey rolls himself into a ball and spin dashes right through Robert Truckdriver 19, knocking him off the screen. Jakey hits a bumper and goes flying back, hitting Robert Truckdriver 16. "Who Are You" "i am... THE HALL MONITOR" Jakey races back to the locker and releases Professor Eif. "how can i ever thank you, the hall monitor" "fifty alabama fun bux" "o-okay" Eif writes Jakey a cheque. "THANK YOU CITIZEN" Jakey spin dashes into the bathroom and removes his disguise. Michelle peers over the stall at Jakey. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Hall Monitor outfit/$50/Professor Eif missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:05 pm

Mission 003: IN THE HALL [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey the school mural needs to be done soon and you should do it" "sounds great" "it should STRIKE FEAR in the hearts of troublemakers" "GOT IT" Jakey runs into the art supply room and grabs several cans of paint and some brushes. Jakey studies his brick canvas with quiet awe. Jakey leaps on top of the brick wall and begins to lick the surface, embracing the brick wall. Jakey then channels his inner focus and becomes one with the brick wall. Jakey dips his brush in paint and begins painting the brick wall furiously. "hey jakey how's it coming" "it's done!!!" Jakey steps away from the brick wall, revealing a painting of a pack of bears. "uh jakey i meant for you to paint the hall monitor" "but bears are WAY scarier than the hall monitor" "0/10" "HEY DEPUTY ORANGE HOW SCARY IS THIS" "about a 6" "what" "see" "what could possibly be more terrifying than a pack of wild bears" "oh you didn't tell me they were wild" Deputy Orange runs away, screaming with his arms over his head. "goddammit jakey" Sheriff Antony slinks away as Michelle finishes her mural created to strike fear. It is of clowns. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Deputy Orange missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:05 pm

Mission 004: Foot in Mouth [Professor Eif]
"jakey there are students who are literally using the word 'literally' wrong" Jakey gasps. "i am literally gasping" "jakey you need to teach them the error of their ways" "CAN DO" Jakey paces around. "MY FEET ARE LITERALLY KILLING ME" "OH NO THEY AREN'T" Jakey leaps into action, and finds Chef Amiee :3 being stabbed by her own feet. "oh uh" "can i get some help or something" "i-i don't know" "fair enough" Chef Amiee :3 attempts to crawl away from her feet, but to no avail. Jakey leaps up and kicks Chef Amiee :3's feet. "no bad feet BAD" Chef Amiee :3's feet whimper and retreat into their socks and sandals. "gee thanks jakey" "wherever words are misused i will be there" "but-" Jakey attempts to fly off heroically, but is stopped by his lack of fuel. "dammit" Jakey sulks off and bumps into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Chef Amiee :3 missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:05 pm

Mission 005: Wanted Dead or Alive [Professor Eif]
"okay jakey that didn't go so well but THIS TIME we will correct someone for sure" "for sure" Jakey hides in a locker. "i was so embarrassed i literally DIED" Jakey leaps out of the locker. "YOU COULD NOT HAVE LITERALLY DIED BECAUSE YOU ARE ALIVE RIGHT NOW" "says who?" Claire fades from existence. "wh-what" "I'M A GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST" Claire flails her arms around wildly. "uh yeah i got that" "good" "good" Michelle pops out of a locker. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/vague relationship with Claire]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:06 pm

Mission 006: SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY [Professor Eif]
"OKAY JAKEY THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM" "uh okay" Jakey hides in the ceiling titles. "MAN THAT'S LITERALLY THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK" Jakey falls from the ceiling. "NO IT ISN'T BECAUSE LIT-" Jakey pauses as he watches a pot and a kettle argue amongst themselves. "excuse me" Jakey walks to the janitor's closet and grabs a rope. Jakey ties himself a noose and hangs himself. Jakey's neck breaks, but heals instantly, and then it breaks again. "WHY DID I DO THIS" A single tear streams down Jakey's cheek as his neck breaks again. "THIS IS THE WORST PAIN I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED" Sheriff Antony walks in and cuts Jakey down. "jakey you know that you are impervious to death for 119 more missions" "fuck my life" Michelle pops out of the janitor's mop bucket. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sheriff Antony missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:06 pm

Mission 007: Too Cool for School [Deputy Orange]
"jakey we have been selected to work on a project with the coolest kid in school!!!" "you don't mean-" "YES, HARVEY KINKLE" "sup" Deputy Orange faints. "uh" "HI HARVEY" "hi" Jakey stares at Harvey and breathes heavily. "HI HARVEY" "yes hi how do you feel" "HI HARVEY" "uh well we should work on this project or-" "HI HARVEY I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN" "um cool" Harvey sweats. "uh can we work on the project now" "oh sure" Jakey and Harvey work on their project for science class; a full-scale replica of an atom. "wow that was quick" "i am so glad that that is done because right about now-" Michelle falls from the ceiling onto the table, snapping it in half. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Harvey Kinkle missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:06 pm

Mission 008: No Soap, Radio [Deputy Orange]
"jakey i have been selected to read my essay on a radio show hosted by the greatest radio guy ever!!!" "you don't mean-" "YES, BRIAN BRIANSON" "hello" Deputy Orange faints. "uh" "uh i will be reading deputy orange's essay for him instead" "great!!!" Jakey and Brian Brianson get behind the microphones and begin the show. "and now... welcome to dramatic romance theatre; i am brian brianson; if you remember last week, we finished my autobiography: 'i sure hope i don't die of cancer'; it was quite the stirring novel and i hope you have taken the time to pick it up on your own; this week we are reading the winner of the essay contest's essay: 'alabama, the pretty okay'; i am sure that it is quite patriotic and deputy orange's parents will be quite proud; however, since deputy orange is currently passed out on the floor, our good friend jakey is here to fill in" "thank you brian brianson" Jakey flips the essay open. "alabama is a country ruled by a fair and just king, however the threat of universal healthcare still looms overhead like the sword of damocles; we must fight these daemons and bring forth a new era of poverty and overinflated medical bills" A single tear streams down Brian Brianson's face. "i am quite moved by this essay, which is unparalelled in its patrioticity; thank you, deputy orange, and thank you, jakey, and most of all, thank you for tuning in, and we hope to see you next week on dramatic romance theatre; ciao" "gesundheit" Michelle rises up from the recording studio floor and presents her autograph book to Brian Brianson. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Dramatic Romance Theatre t-shirt/Brian Brianson missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:06 pm

Mission 009: Just Wanna Play Videogames [Deputy Orange]
"jakey i have been selected to propose my idea for a videogame to the greatest most honest games developer ever!!!" "you don't mean-" "YES, PETER MOLYNEUX" "hello" Deputy Orange faints. "uh" "i am shocked by this turn of events" "are you the guy with the game idea" "... yes" "good then let's sit down and discuss it" Jakey and Peter Molyneux sit down at the table. "okay so you play as this REALLY COOL GUY called 'jakey' and he gets the diamonds and then runs around for about 125 missions accomplishing absolutely nothing while having no goal and a set of enemies who all have no goals and then jakey becomes president of the united states despite being from canada" "that would never work" Jakey sweats as Peter Molyneux spins around on one heel and exits the building, disgusted at Jakey. Michelle crawls out from under the table. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/YOU CAN DO ANYTHING t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:06 pm

Mission 010: Living in the Sunlight [Chef Amiee :3]
"jakey there is a vampire who has been stalking me + showing me his chest and i do not like it" "oh" "i would like for you to slay the vampire for me" "OKAY" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and rides to Zackula's castle. Jakey fires his hookshot at the roof and propels himself upward, landing on the roof. Jakey then begins removing the ceiling of Zackula's castle, exposing it to the harsh daylight. "oh man that was a nice nap; time to open my coffin and NOT be assaulted by the sun's rays which would kill me due to me being a vampire" Zackula opens his coffin, and is struck by the sun's rays. "fuck" Zackula turns to dust, and Jakey returns to Chef Amiee :3. "that was a pretty shit way to kill a vampire" "more like pretty GOOD way to kill a vampire" "ehhhh" "fuck" A bat flies toward Jakey and turns into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/jar of Zackula appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:06 pm

Mission 011: Loving in the Moonlight [Chef Amiee :3]
"jakey there is a vampire who is prettier than me" "i will act as if this is an impossible feat" "that would be appreciated" Jakey clears his throat. "ahem: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT" "i would like for you to slay the vampire for me but in a more manly fashion" Jakey sweats. "i'll... try" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and heads to the graveyard where all the goth kids hang out. "hey have you seen any vampires" "We Are All Vampires Here Jakey" "any real vampires" Robert Truckdriver 14 hangs his head. "No" Jakey turns around and bumps into a vampire. "hey what's your blood type" "o" "why does everyone have such shit-tasting blood" "i guess itís in our... blood" "..." "..." "well goodbye" "oh wait no wait" "what is it now" "i'm supposed to slay you to prove my manhood" "but it takes more of a man to not follow orders blindly and spare innocent lives" "but you drink the blood of the innocent for a living!!!" "and in return i make them immortal" "good point" "can i go now" "uh uh would you like to take in a movie" "well i have been wanting to see snakes on a plane" "i donít think it can hold up to the original" "but what could" "good point" Jakey and Gwendolyn hop on Jakey's tricycle and head to the theatre. "two for snakes on a plane" "sold out" "goddammit" "it's okay; you can put your snake on my plane" "YOU HAVE A PLANE?!" "... good night jakey" Gwendolyn spins around on one heel and heads back to her crypt. "but what about my plane ride" Michelle walks out of the theatre slurping from her super-large soda. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/vague relationship with Gwendolyn/Gwendolyn missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:07 pm

Mission 012: Having a Wonderful Time [Chef Amiee :3]
"jakey there is a werewolf who is a tripfag on /v/" "THE FIEND" Jakey hops on his tricycle and pedals as hard as he can to Gerrwolf's house. "STOP THINKING YOU'RE IMPORTANT" "just because you're too insecure to have your identity in threads doesn't mean i think i'm important" "AAAAAAAAAAAAA" Jakey drives a prime rib into Gerrwolf's heart. "uh that's the wrong kind of Ďstake', and i'm not a vampire" "WELL WHAT IF I DO THIS" Jakey deletes all of Gerrwolf's anime girl pictures. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I SPENT YEARS COLLECTING THOSE TO ANNOY PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET" Gerrwolf suddenly collapses to the ground, his heart stopped. "THAT WAS THE MOST SATISFYING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE" Jakey cuts Gerrwolf's head off and presents it to Chef Amiee :3. "jakey you are a hero and have made /v/ a slightly less horrible place" "i agree" Michelle exits the computer lab holding a thumb drive full of pictures of anime girls. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/vague relationship with Chef Amiee :3]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:07 pm

Mission 013: Thank You, Come Again [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey there is a CRIMINAL ORGANISATION that is EXTORTING MONEY from a REPUTABLE VENDOR" "THE FIENDS" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and rides to Conveniencez Я Us. Taylor stands behind the counter, chewing a stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum that may or may not yet exist. "Give Us Protection Money And We Will Not Have To Convince You" "i'd like to be convinced" "We Would Convince You With Violence" "oh" Taylor sweats. "maybe my previous statement was false" "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM" "You'll Never Take Me Alive" "That Statement Applies To Me As Well" Robert Truckdriver 16 and Robert Truckdriver 19 run away. "thanks for protecting my store" "yes and the police department would like a contribution to keep it afloat" "well uh money is tight an-" "maybe i should convince you" "that would be nice" "i would convince you with violence" "uh that will not be required" Taylor hands Jakey a large stack of bills. Michelle pops out of the cash register. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/$1,372]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:07 pm

Mission 014: Zoopity Boop Bop Bop Bop [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey there is a man keeping dangerous animals within city limits!!!" "THE FIEND" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and rides to Alabama National Zoo. "hello" "hello" "WHY ARE YOU KEEPING ALL THESE DANGEROUS ANIMALS HERE" "this is a zoo" "YEAH, I'M GONNA 'ZOO' YOUR ASS SO HARD THAT YOUR HEAD WILL SPIN" "not my ass!!!" Rudolph Schenker runs away and locks himself in his office. "I MUST WARN YOU I AM TOP OF MY CLASS IN KICKING DOORS DOWN" "i'll take my chances" Jakey kicks at Rudolph Schenker's door, unable to knock it in. "you win this round, rudolph schenker" Jakey mopes off, and Rudolph Schenker exits the office. Jakey sprints up to him and grabs him. "I HAVE A PERMIT TO RUN THIS ZOO" "you do?!" Jakey drops Rudolph Schenker. "why didn't you just say so!!!" Jakey hops on his tricycle and rides off aimlessly. Michelle pops out of the basket. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Rudolph Schenker missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:07 pm

Mission 015: Bay of Pigs [Sheriff Antony]
"JAKEY I FOUND THIS AMAZING WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN BUY ANYTHING" "craigslist?!" "who" "just this guy" "it is called ebay" "okay" "look at all the awesome things i've purchased!!!" Sheriff Antony points at a table with an assortment of items on it, including a basketball, a copy of Weezer's The Purple Album, a Leonardo DiCaprio PEZ dispenser, a singing electric toothbrush, a HAM radio, an autographed picture of Buzz Lightyear, the master tracks of Green Day's Cigarettes and Valentines, a box of Klondike bars, a dodo bird, Bart Simpson's soul, a PlayStation 3 (complete with every game ever released for it), A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT, and a tied-up Neil Patrick Harris. "and i just sold a glass of water for 1000$" "oh wow" Sheriff Antony grabs the nearest object and shoves it into a box. "i've seen a lot of glass of waters in my time and i'm pretty sure that wasn't one of those" "shrug" Sheriff Antony chucks the package into a tube, whisking it away to its intended recipient. Michelle falls out of the tube. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/autographed picture of Buzz Lightyear appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:07 pm

Mission 016: Memories for You and Me [Harvey Kinkle]
"jakey i am missing a crucial component in the vehicle i'm making" "have you tried looking under the bed" "yes i am afraid the only place left to look is the junkyard" "but there are vicious junkyard dogs there!!!" "no there aren't stop making shit up" "but-" "YOUR ZERO OUT OF TEN ISN'T GETTING ANY HIGHER" Jakey and Harvey hop onto Jakey's tricycle and ride to the junkyard. "hey do you have any air fresheners here" "no" "but you're sitting on a box of-" "ALL WE HAVE IS VICIOUS JUNKYARD DOGS" "dammit" Harvey hands Jakey five Alabama Fun Bux. Brucie whistles, causing his vicious junkyard dogs to attack Jakey. "ow ow why aren't they attacking you" "shrug" Harvey strolls over to Brucie and knocks him off the box, stealing it and its contents. "help" "can't busy" Harvey hops onto Jakey's tricycle and pedals toward his garage. "fuck" Michelle takes off her vicious junkyard dog costume. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/$5/Brucie missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:07 pm

Mission 017: Heart and Soul [Harvey Kinkle]
"jakey it is SPORTS season" "oh boy" "i am trying out for the most manly of sports!!!" "SPORTSBALL" "yes i just hope that the second-coolest kid in school, fyllour, doesn't upstage me" "what are the odds of that happening" Fyllour upstages Harvey at the sportsball team try-outs. "well shit" "I AM GOING TO BE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL" "when" "in about five seconds" "HEY LOOK EVERYBODY IT'S HARVEY LET'S LAUGH AT HIM" "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Harvey mopes off, depressed. Jakey follows. "we need to falsify the report so that you get to be the nickelback!!!" "quarterback" "whatever!!!" "the only person that can change the roster is the school secretary" "TO THE FRONT DESK" The Jakey symbol flashes on-screen. "hey kathy can you make harvey the pennyback of the sportsball team" "quarterback" "fuck off" "i don't know; i mean i've always wanted to go on a ROMANTIC DATE with harvey kinkle" "if he takes you on a date will you make him dimeback" "quarterback" "harvey the adults are talking" "yes i will" "GO HARVEY GO" "o-okay" Harvey grabs Kathy by the arm and walks her to Chez Motherfucker. Michelle pops up from behind Kathy's desk. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Fyllour's autograph appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:07 pm

Mission 018: Stuck on the Wall Like a Wallflower [Harvey Kinkle]
"jakey this date is going horribly" "what why" "kathy is INCREDIBLY BORING" "come on look at that hair; there must be a story there" "yes and it was boring" "huh" "jakey you have to help me man" "don't worry i got this" Jakey dons his giant Harvey costume and sits across from Kathy. "so kathy how do you feel" "with nerve-endings" "fascinating" "harvey i think i'm in love with you" "uh cool" "harvey take my body" "uh" Kathy rips open her blouse. "uh" Kathy begins kissing the fake foam Harvey head, and it falls off. "JAKEY?!" "hello" "jakey as i am sure you know this means that we two must enter a vague relationship now and never speak of this again" "sounds good" Jakey and Kathy return to their meals. "uh can harvey still be fifty cent pieceback" "QUARTERBACK" "for fuck's sake" "sure whatever" "wooh" "life isn't meaningless" Michelle walks out of the men's restroom wearing a Harvey costume. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/giant Harvey costume/vague relationship with Kathy]
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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:08 pm

Mission 019: Selling Yourself Shirt [Brian Brianson]
"jakey i have ordered a large order of shirts can you pick them up" "do the shirts have funny pictures on them" "uh no" "GOOD" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and rides to the t-shirt factory. "i'm here to pick up a load of t-shirts for brian brianson" "but a man with a funny accent just picked up all of his t-shirts" "GASP" Jakey hops back onto his tricycle and pedals north, catching up to another tricycle with a large box that says "t-shirts" on it. "hello did you see anyone who stole brian brianson's t-shirts" "Uh No" "that can only mean one thing" Jakey crashes into Robert Truckdriver 18's tricycle. "YOU MUST HAVE DONE IT" "Wait What" Jakey grabs the box of t-shirts and puts it in the basket of his tricycle, and rides back to Brian Brianson. "those aren't my t-shirts" "fuck" Jakey returns the t-shirts to the t-shirt factory. "oh did you say 'brian brianson'? i thought you said 'robert truckdriver 18'" "easy enough mistake to make" Michelle pops out of the box of t-shirts. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Robert Truckdriver 18 t-shirt/Brian Brianson t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:08 pm

Mission 020: Right Behind Me Everywhere I Go [Brian Brianson]
"jakey someone is using the company xbox to play halo" "OH GOD" "online multiplayer" Jakey throws up all over the floor. "i need you to catch this hoodlum" "I AM ON IT" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and pedals to Vidyaz Я Us, where Taylor is chewing a stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "DID ANYONE COME IN HERE AND BUY A COPY OF HALO" "uh yes" "WHO" "a lot people actually" "uh" Jakey sweats. "anyone who works for brian brianson" "no it was really only robert truckdriver clones" Jakey whips out his phone. "have you hired any robert truckdriver clones" "no but we did hire a pablo truckdriver" "can i speak to him" "sure" Brian Brianson hands the phone to Pablo Truckdriver. "Hey!!! All Right!!!" "pablo truckdriver did you buy a copy of halo" "No Hablo Ingles Senor" "PAB LO TRUCK DRI VER DID YOU BUY A CO PY OF HA LO" "Oh Si" "you're fired" "No Hablo Ingles" "YOU'RE FI RED" "No Es Bueno" Pablo Truckdriver mopes out of the office, dismayed. Michelle pops out of a copy of Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Spanish language degree appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:08 pm

Mission 021: I Want My MTV [Brian Brianson]
"jakey television is slowly killing radio" "what no" "i need you to blow up the television satellites so that everyone will be forced to use their radios" "but the season finale of super-magical kawaii desu show-kun!!! is on tonight!!!" "cool whatever" Brian Brianson turns to his newspaper while Jakey stands in place, sweating. "go do that thing i told you to do" "o-okay" Jakey walks out to his tricycle and opens his suitcase containing liquified cancer. "heh heh" Jakey sneaks up on Brian Brianson and stabs him in the neck. "in four-to-six years he will RUE the day he crossed television" Jakey sneaks away and bumps into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/cancer t-shirt/Super-Magical Kawaii Desu Show-Kun!!! t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:08 pm

Mission 022: Are You Hungry? [Gwendolyn]
"jakey i'm sick" "oh no what do you have" "vampirism" "so business as usual?" "i also have the flu" "oh that is much worse than vampirism" "can you make me dinner" "I'M ON IT" Jakey dashes into the kitchen and grabs his official Rachel Ray cookbook and begins cooking. Jakey takes his new dish out of the oven and serves it to Gwendolyn. "oh man thank you" Gwendolyn takes a bite, and her skin begins to melt. "is there garlic in this" "rachel ray would never cook without it" Gwendolyn's hair catches fire. "can you take me to the hospital" "good idea; those flames don't look healthy" Jakey grabs Gwendolyn, chucks her into the basket on his tricycle, and pedals to Doctor Vladimir's office. "hello do you have an appointment" "uh no" "well doctor vladimir has an opening in about five minutes so please be seated" Kathy points to an empty chair, and Jakey and Gwendolyn sit down. Gwendolyn's clothes catch fire. "okay the doctor will see you now" Jakey and Gwendolyn shuffle into that room where the patients go to be treated. "what is being the problem" "i'm feeling a heat radiating from the area in and around my face" "hmm" Doctor Vladimir scribbles in his notepad. "yes it is seeming that you are being affecting by rare disease we are liking to be being calling 'being on fire'" "gee" "the cure is being simple; just be taking a few of these and if your symptoms are not being clearing up, be calling me in morning" "thank you doctor" Gwendolyn grabs her pills. "oh and are you being wanting me to be doing something about the vampirism" "nah i'm good thanks" Gwendolyn shuffles out of the room, and Michelle runs into the room with her arms full of tongue depressers, glancing around nervously. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Doctor Vladimir missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:08 pm

Mission 023: Are You Sick? [Gwendolyn]
"jakey i'm thirsty can you get me a glass of water" "okay" Jakey grabs a giant jug. "i stole this water from a church" Jakey pours Gwendolyn a glass of water. "that's really good what's in it" "shrug" Gwendolyn's torso catches fire. "oh hmm" "oh hey they're showing my favourite movie, snake on a plane" "oh my god, a snake!!!" "I AM MOTHERFUCKING TIRED OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING SNAKE ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE" Samuel L. Jackson shoots the snake on the plane with his pistol. "yay" "hooray for sammy!!!" The passengers carry Samuel L. Jackson on their shoulders. A single tear streams down Gwendolyn's face, only to evaporate from the heat of her flaming torso. "he is truly a hero" Michelle crashes through the door, wrestling a giant snake. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Snake on a Plane t-shirt/Samuel L. Jackson t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:08 pm

Mission 024: Are You Begging for a Break? [Gwendolyn]
"oh man i am so excited to see snakes on a plane" "i am so glad we saw the original last night; now we can tear the sequel apart for not living up to our impossible expectations" Jakey and Gwendolyn sit through Snakes on a Plane quietly in the theatre like rational human beings, which is especially difficult for Gwendolyn due to the vampirism. "THAT MOVIE WAS HORRIBLE" "HATED IT" "A BULLETPROOF SNAKE? WHAT THE FUCK" "FIVE SNAKES WAS WAY TOO MANY" "THE SNAKES HOGGED ALL OF SAMMY'S SCREENTIME" "LET'S RIOT" Jakey and Gwendolyn turn over cars in the city and light shops on fire. Sheriff Antony walks up to the two. "why are you two rioting" "WE JUST SAW SNAKES ON A PLANE" "SNAKES ON A PLANE?! MAN THAT RADIOACTIVE SNAKE WAS SO UNREALISTIC" "WHICH IS ESPECIALLY HEINOUS BECAUSE SNAKE ON A PLANE WAS CRITICALLY LAUDED FOR ITS REALISM" "WORD" Sheriff Antony joins Jakey and Gwendolyn, flipping over cars. Michelle crawls out of the burning wreckage of her car. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Snakes on a Plane t-shirt/Sheriff Antony missions]
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