ADVENTURE
HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK

ADVENTURE

HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK
 
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 Nothing (2006)

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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:08 pm

Mission 025: Animal Magnetism [Rudolph Schenker]
"jakey the kangaroos have gained sentience and are now picketing for equal rights!!!" "oh dear" "i need you to talk some sense into them" "good idea" Jakey hops into the kangaroo pit. "crikey!!!" "crikey mate you'll be givin' me an 'eartattack" "crikey me sheila'll be mighty sore if i die of an 'eartattack" "crikey" "um why do you guys want equal rights" "crikey i just want a watercooler in the break room" "crikey and maybe a solid gold statue of our 'ero, patrick swayze" "crikey i fuckin' loved dirty dancin'" "i'll uh ask rudolph schenker" Jakey hops out of the pit. "they want a watercooler and a solid gold statue of patrick swayze" "oh i happen to know a guy who owns a watercooler and solid gold statue of patrick swayze shop" "how convenient" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and pedals to Crazy Svart's Used Watercoolers and Solid Gold Statues of Patrick Swayze. "hey crazy svart do you have any watercoolers and solid gold statues of patrick swayze" Crazy Svart looks around his store, which is filled to the brim with watercoolers and solid gold statues of Patrick Swayze. "a couple" "can i have one of each" "NO" "wh-what" "you can PURCHASE one of each" "uh do you accept cheques" "NO" "uh how about credit cards" "what kind" "robert truckdriver express" "no" "but the picture of robert truckdriver 16 winking is very calming" "cash only" "but-" "cash only" "how about an iou" "hmm" Crazy Svart thinks for a moment. "okay" Jakey writes Crazy Svart an I.O.U. as Crazy Svart loads the watercooler and solid gold statue of Patrick Swayze onto Jakey's tricycle. "thank you come again" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and rides back to the zoo, where he chucks the items into the kangaroo pit. "crikey thanks" Michelle crawls out of a kangaroo's pouch. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/kangaroo t-shirt/Patrick Swayze t-shirt/Crazy Svart missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:09 pm

Mission 026: Blackout [Rudolph Schenker]
"jakey the lemurs have gained sentience and have cut off the power!!!" "did you call the electric company" "they can't send out a guy for" Lightning crackles behind Rudolph Schenker. "FOUR TO SIX WEEKS" Jakey recoils in horror. "jakey i need you to use your vast knowledge of electricity to restore power to the zoo" "uh sure" Jakey heads to the circuit breaker. "hmm" Jakey pulls random levers, causing random blackouts in the city. "if i want to direct electricity here, i should use a material that conducts it" Jakey climbs up to the water tower and dumps it onto the zoo, flooding the animal habitats. "let there be light!!!" Jakey flips a switch, causing the electricity to fry all of the animals, but powering up the television. "YOU DID IT JAKEY NOW I CAN WATCH TONIGHT'S EPISODE OF SUPER MAGICAL KAWAII DESU SHOW KUN!!!" Jakey smiles, proud to have done his duty. "plus, now we have SNACKS" Rudolph Schenker grabs a fried orangutan and sits down with Jakey to watch Super-Magical Kawaii Desu Show-Kun!!!. Michelle gets carried away by the current. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/lemur t-shirt/AL Noire t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:09 pm

Mission 027: Hey Now! [Rudolph Schenker]
"jakey the badgers have gained sentience and have barricaded the exits and we're running out of food but enough about that i want you to meet my brother, matthew schenker" "isn't it michael schenker" "i... don't think so" "maybe you're thinking of michael jackson" "that must be it" "well nice to meet you" "nice to meet you too" "well bye" "bye" Jakey turns around to see Michelle standing in a mountain of popcorn. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Matthew Schenker Group t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:09 pm

Mission 028: Motorcars [Brucie]
"jakey the key to owning a junkyard i-" Gunshots are heard. "OH NO" "WHAT IS IT" Brucie's eyes narrow. "junk rustlers" "wha-" A trio of horsemen ride in, firing their six-shooters. "Yeehaw" "Give Us All Your Junk Or Prepare To Face The Consequences" "NEVER" "Then I'm Afraid That You Will Have To Face The Consequences" A stage made of junk lights up as The Consequences take the stage. "One Two Three Four" "My Lovin'" "No You're Never Gonna Get It" "My Lovin'" "Never Never Gonna Get It" "Mmmmmm Bop" "Doesn't Matter What You Do Or What You Say" "Mmmmmm Bop" "My Lovin'" "Never Never Gonna Get It" "Not This Time" "No You're Never Gonna Get It" "Mmmmmmmmm Bop" "Because You're Hearin' Me Say No Way" Jakey and Brucie clap. "Thank You Thank You And Now We'd Like To Slow It Down A Bit With A Version Of Damage Inc. In The Key Of Amaj7" "FREEBIRD" "FREEBIRD" "Oh If You Insist" "If I Leave Here Tomorrow" Michelle pops up from behind a flaming barrel. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Consequences t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:09 pm

Mission 029: Handlebars [Brucie]
"jakey the key to owning a junkyard i-" "Bark Bark Bark" "Yip" "what is it boy" "Bark" "trouble at the old mill?!" Brucie hops into his Super GT. "jakey you hold down the fort while i head for the old mill" "okay" Brucie drives off. "Bark Bark" "Ruff Ruff" "Yip" "i... don't understand your language" "Bark Bark" "Ruff Ruff" "Yip" "no comprende senor" "Bark Bark" "Ruff Ruff" "Yip" "oh why didn't you just say so!!!" Jakey runs off and leaves the three dogs to their business. "Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" "That Was Our Best Plan Yet" "You Said It Robert Truckdriver" "oh man how silly of me i forgot my dogs all died of cancer yesterday" "Hello" "hello" "How Do You Feel" "confused" "Well Bye" Robert Truckdriver 16, Robert Truckdriver 18, and Robert Truckdriver 73 run off. "what nice young men" Michelle scratches behind her ear with her foot. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/dogs t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:09 pm

Mission 030: Bicycles for Two [Brucie]
"jakey the key to owning a junkyard i-" "Sir Can We Please Have Some Junk" "no" "Aw Come On" "no" "Whatcha Gonna Do With All That Junk" "All That Junk Inside Your Trunk" "GUARD IT WITH MY LIFE" "That Sounds Awfully Boring" "you're free to leave if you wish" "Okay" Robert Truckdriver 18, Robert Truckdriver 47, and Robert Truckdriver 89 leave. Michelle slides down a mountain of junk. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/junk t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 pm

Mission 031: Antibiotics [Doctor Vladimir]
"friend jakey there is being new doctor who is being stealing all my patients" "i'll teach him a lesson!!!" "he is being right down hall" Jakey stomps down the hall and heads into Dr. Mario's office. "wahoo" Dr. Mario drops pills down Regis Philbin's throat. "ya-ha" "thank you doctor i feel much better now" "woohoo" Regis exits the room. "hello, dr. mario" "yahoo" "can you please stop stealing patients from doctor vladimir" "wa-ha" "you're tougher than you look, but BEWARE I WILL BE BACK" Jakey walks backwards out of the room, pointing his two fingers back and forth between his eyes and Dr. Mario, and bumps into a nurse. "oops uh sorry sorry" The nurse continues walking, and Jakey resumes backing up, doing the same finger motion, and bumps into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/PILLS t-shirt/Dr. Mario t-shirt/Regis Philbin missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 pm

Mission 032: Danny Boy [Doctor Vladimir]
"okay i've got a new plan" Jakey sits down outside Dr. Mario's office holding a plate of spaghetti. "oh shit this spaghetti is so good" "yippee" "that's one a-spicy a-meatball" "yahoo" Dr. Mario exits his office and grabs the second plate of spaghetti while Jakey locks his office. "wahoo" Dr. Mario materialises a green pipe and jumps down it, reappearing in his office out of a second green pipe. "oh, he's good, but i will get him back someday" Jakey walks backwards away from Dr. Mario's office, shaking his fist, and bumps into Michelle again. "stop doing that" Michelle looks around for a bit. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/spaghetti t-shirt/a-spicy a-meatball t-shirt/PIPES t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 pm

Mission 033: Take a Bowser [Doctor Vladimir]
"okay last plan and this one is the best yet" Jakey pedals off to Bowser's Castle, where he admires the flame sticks and thwomps. "what do you want" "i know where princess peach is!!!" "r-really?!" Bowser grabs Jakey's shirt. "tell me!!!" "she's in... her castle" "..." "..." "i doubt it, but i'll check" Bowser flies to Princess Peach's castle, and returns with the princess in hand. "are you like some kind of wizard" "shrug" "wahoo" Mario bursts through the door. "i really should get those warp zones re-routed" "yahoo" Mario begins to pummel Bowser, and Jakey runs off, his job completed. "oh you be having done good job friend jakey" Doctor Vladimir pins the "okay guy" medal to Jakey's chest. "wooh" Michelle looks at her new "decent at best" medal with contempt. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Bowser t-shirt/Mario outfit/Princess Peach t-shirt/Dr. Mario outfit/"okay guy" medal]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 pm

Mission 034: Spent My Money [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey i have been looking throught Pokémon catalogues from japan and LUCARIO IS SUCH A SWEET-ASS Pokémon" "sounds sweet" "LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKER" "why does he have spikes on his hands" "SO HE CAN IMPALE HIS ENEMIES" "but he's like some kind of weird dog thing; dogs don't have spikes" "THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG" Sheriff Antony opens the shutter to reveal his dog, Scraps, covered in spikes. "bark" "he... doesn't look very happy" "NONSENSE" Sheriff Antony holds out a bone. "COME ON BOY ROLL OVER" Scraps rolls over, impaling himself on his spikes. "OH NO" Sheriff Antony runs over to Scraps and picks him up, impaling his hands on the spikes. "OW FUCK" Sheriff Antony drops Scraps, causing his spikes to entrench themselves deeper into Scraps' body. "CALL 999" "but 999 is for people emergencies" "well shit" "sorry scraps" "it was nice knowing you buddy" "hey wanna go play mario kart" "only if i get to be luigi" "but you always get to be luigi" "i'm not playing if i don't get to be luigi" Michelle drops from the ceiling wearing a green cap and overalls. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Luigi outfit]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 pm

Mission 035: Took My Car [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey i have saved scraps' life and improved the spikes so that they will not impale him ever" Sheriff Antony steps out from in front of Scraps, who looks exactly the same. "but he looks-" "ROLL OVER SCRAPS" Scraps rolls over, his spikes withdrawing into his body. "..." "..." "doesn't that hurt him" "NONSENSE now come on let's go outside and play stickball" Sheriff Antony opens the door, and Scraps goes running out into the street. "OH NO" A car barrels down the road and runs down Scraps. "WHY" Sheriff Antony crades Scraps' body in his arms. "so stickball?" "fuck yeah" Sheriff Antony and Jakey head to Sheriff Antony's backyard and grab their bats. Michelle pitches them a ball. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/stickball t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:10 pm

Mission 036: Started Telling Her Friends She's Gonna be a Star [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey i have saved scraps' life and improved his hide so that he will not get run over ever" Sheriff Antony steps out from in front of Scraps, who is suspended in a giant ball. "this fluid keeps him nice and safe" "but won't he drown" "NONSENSE" Scraps floats to the top of the ball. "OH NO" Sheriff Antony kicks open the ball, causing the fluid to flood the house. Scraps floats out into the street, where a second car runs him over. "THAT'S IT, I'M DONE; NO MORE PETS" Sheriff Antony hands Jakey Scraps' leash and bowl and storms off. "uh" Michelle drives up to Sheriff Antony's house and stops, front tyre resting on Scraps. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Scraps/Scraps t-shirt/Scraps jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:11 pm

Mission 037: I Feel Safest of All [Crazy Svart]
"jakey i need to attract more people people to my business, crazy svart's used autos" "i am glad you specified, as you have a lot of businesses" "yes" "how about a giant flashing strobe light facing the road" "oh yeah people love those" Crazy Svart and Jakey head to Giant Strobe Lightz Я Us, and see Taylor chewing a questionable stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "we'd like a giant strobe light" "okay but i only accept payment in pre-owned vehicles" "oh man all i have are used autos" "tough break; next door there is a pre-owned vehicles store" "oh good" Jakey and Crazy Svart head next door to Pre-Owned Vehiclez Я Us, where they find Taylor chewing a new-ish stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "we'd like some pre-owned vehicles" "okay but i only accept payment in copies of the classic videogame shaq fu" "oh i have a lot of those" "y-you do" "yeah" Crazy Svart hands over ten copies of Shaq-Fu for several pre-owned autos, which he takes to Taylor at Giant Strobe Lightz Я Us. "h-here you go" "wooh" Crazy Svart sets up his new strobe light in front of Crazy Svart's Used Autos, causing a car to immediately crash into the side of the building. "uh i need a new car" Deputy Orange sweats as he hops into a Super GT with Crazy Svart for a test drive. Taylor walks out of Pre-Owned Vehiclez Я Us to add the copies of Shaq-Fu to his stock at Copy of the Classic Videogame Shaq-Fuz Я Us, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Michelle puts out of the burning wreckage of Deputy Orange's old car. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Deputy Orange missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:11 pm

Mission 038: I Can Lock All My Doors [Crazy Svart]
"jakey watch the store until i get back" "can do" Jakey sits behind the counter and a customer walks in. "hello and welcome to crazy svart's used... things" "hello do you have any doodads" "no but have whozits and whatzits" "i'm sorry but i need a doodad for my fourteenth anniversary" "oh right, the doodad anniversary" "right" "well i can order one but it won't be here for a month or two or seven" "that's okay my fourteenth anniversary isn't for another eight years" "oh good" Jakey places an order for a doodad as Michelle pops out of a whatzit. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/whozits and whatzits appear at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:11 pm

Mission 039: It's the Only Way to Live [Crazy Svart]
"jakey watch this other store until i get back" "okay" Jakey sits behind the counter and Harvey walks in. "hello and welcome to crazy svart's used sports injuries" "JAKEY I NEED A SPORTS INJURY" "but you're a star athlete" "but our team is going against the worst team in the league, the robert truckdriver seven, and i'm allergic to bassists" "hmm well i have tendonitis" "too long-term" "a broken leg?" "better but still too long-term" "a sprained wrist?" "better" "a pulled humbuggler?" "i don't know what that is" "a slipped nipple?" "too embarassing" "how about a brain haemorrhage" "oh that's perfect" Harvey hands Jakey the money, and Jakey gives Harvey a brain haemorrhage. "thanks" Michelle walks out of the warehouse with a broken arm, a slipped disc, a sprained ankle, and a migraine. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Harvey Kinkle missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:12 pm

Mission 040: You Never Take Advice [Regis Philbin]
"hello and welcome to alabama's got talent i am your host REGIS PHILBIN send out the guy" Jakey walks up onto the stage. "hello what is your talent" "i can walk and chew gum at the same time" "0/10" "no one can do that" "JUST WATCH ME" Jakey pops a stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum into his mouth and begins to take a step. "FUCK" Jakey falls flat on his face. "NICE TO SEE YOU PROVE ME RIGHT" Jakey lies on the floor, a shell of his former self. "NEXT" Michelle walks up dressed like a mime, and does an impressive miming that clearly conveys her thoughts: "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Trident sugar-free chewing gum t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:12 pm

Mission 041: But Someday You'll Pay the Price, I Know [Regis Philbin]
"hello and welcome back to alabama's got talent i am your host REGIS PHILBIN send out the guy" Jakey walks up onto the stage. "not you again" "I WILL PROVE THAT I CAN WALK AND CHEW GUM AT THE SAME TIME" "your rating isn't getting any higher" Jakey pops a second stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum into his mouth and begins to shuffle forward. "that's... not really walking" "sigh" Jakey lifts his foot and falls on his face again. "too bad so sad" "FUCK" Jakey lies on the floor, a shadow of a shell of his former self. "NEXT" Michelle walks up dressed as clown and begins to juggle chainsaws. She then honks her nose three times, seemingly making it say "take me home"
[reward: respect +/chainsaws t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:12 pm

Mission 042: I've Seen it Before, it Happens All the Time [Regis Philbin]
"hello and welcome back to alabama's got talent i am your host REGIS PHILBIN send out the guy" Jakey walks up onto the stage. "OKAY SERIOUSLY what is your deal" "I REFUSE TO NOT PROVE MYSELF" "sigh" Jakey pops a third and final stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum into his mouth and takes a step. The crowd reels back in astonishment. Jakey takes a second step, furthering the crowd's amazement. "IT'S OVER FOLKS WE HAVE A WINNER" Confetti and roses rain from the ceiling. "OH GOD THE THORNS NO SHIT FUCK" Jakey stumbles backwards and falls over. "i guess we don't have a winner" "GOD FUCKING SHIT FUCK ASS COCK SHIT ASS FUCK CUNT FUCK COCK FUCK" "NEXT" Michelle walks in, chewing a stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/confetti t-shirt/bouquet of roses appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:12 pm

Mission 043: I Want to Build You Up [Deputy Orange]
"hey jakey check out this cool brick sheriff antony let me borrow" "it's very... bricky" "it's the brickiest" "i can think of no brick that is brickier" "sheriff antony said we have to be very careful with this" "want to go chuck it at cars" "fuck yeah" Jakey and Deputy Orange take The Brick out to the freeway and chuck it at a van. The van stops and a trio of Robert Truckdriver clones hop out. "Do You Think This Is Funny" "yeah" "Oh" Robert Truckdriver 56 sweats. "I Implore You To Reconsider" "okay" Jakey ponders for a moment. "nah still pretty funny" "Well Fuck" The Robert Truckdriver clones hop back into their van, dejected, and drive off. The Brick loosens itself from their windshield and flies off into the river. "FUCK" Deputy Orange runs around with his arms above his head, screaming. "oh come on it's just a brick" "JUST A BRICK?!" Deputy Orange leans forward, his nose pressed into Jakey's. "THAT BRICK WAS PART OF THE ORIGINAL CAST OF HAPPY DAYS" "ch-chachi?!" "YES AND NOW LOOK WHERE IT IS" "oh man that duck's got it" "WHAT" Deputy Orange leaps off the bridge and breaks both of his legs. "THAT WASN'T A VERY GOOD IDEA" "NOTED" "OH NO THE DUCK'S FLYING OFF" "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT" Jakey spins around in circles with his arms held out straight. The speed of the rotation causes Jakey to rise into the air and hit the duck in the face. "hey man that's not very nice" The duck drops The Brick onto the street, where it falls onto an eighteen wheeler. "FLY ONTO THE TRUCK" "I CAN'T I'M OUT OF FUEL" "WHAT" Jakey crashes to the ground headfirst and folds like an accordian. "that... wasn't the most pleasant feeling" Michelle walks up the bank carrying an armful of duck eggs. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/duck t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:12 pm

Mission 044: I Want to Break You Down [Deputy Orange]
"jakey i have gotten a map of all the eighteen-wheeler routes" "good where did ours go" "rome" Jakey recoils in horror. "well it's gone forever" "but-" "GONE FOREVER ORANGE" "do you really want the romans harnessing the power of the brick to power their luxury sedans" "n-no but-" "THEN IT'S TIME TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES" Deputy Orange takes a sheet off a nuclear missile. "oh wow" "the only problem is i can't launch it because my launcher is in the shop" "goddammit" "YOU will have to infiltrate rome disguised as a roman and plant this nuclear missile so that we can detonate it remotely" "i don't WANT to be a roman" "jakey... it's for the good of us all" A single tear streams down Jakey's face as he stares at the Roman outfit. "i... i can't" "can so" "cannot" "can so" "can NOT" "can't" "CAN" Jakey defiantly grabs the Roman outfit and puts it on. "wait... shit" "GO GO NO TIME" Deputy Orange slams the door on Jakey. "HEY LOOK JAKEY'S A ROMAN" "KILL THE ROMAN" "eep" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and pedals away, towing the nuclear missile behind him. Jakey pedals across the entire nation of Alabama until he reaches the bridge to Rome. "gulp" "HELLO FELLOW ROMAN" The Roman waves. "h-hi" "NICE MISSILE" "th-thanks" Jakey rides into the centre of town and drops off his missile, then pedals out. "COME BACK SOON FELLOW ROMAN" The Roman waves again. Jakey pedals to behind a building and throws up. "ugh" Jakey takes off his disguise and hops back onto his tricycle, naked. "i'm back" "..." "..." "right now i wish i hadn't sold your clothes to buy food for me" "WHAT" "here just take these" Deputy Orange hands Jakey a spare uniform. "NOW LET'S BLOW SHIT UP" Jakey slams on the detonator, blowing up all of Rome. The Brick flies out of Rome and falls down the chimney with Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Deputy Orange outfit/nuclear missile t-shirt]
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:12 pm

Mission 045: I'm Gonna Reconstruct [Deputy Orange]
"now that we've destroyed rome, we should build something on its husk as a reminder that being a roman will not be tolerated" "good idea" "and what better to strike fear into all would-be-romans' hearts then a starbucks" "i certainly can't think of anything" "okay so we can't build a starbucks without the permission of ted starbucks" "you say that like i don't know that" "oh sorry" Jakey hops onto his tricycle and pedals to Starbucks Mountain. "hello what is your business at starbucks mountain" "i'm here to build a new starbucks" Kathy shifts her pencil in her teeth. "look there are a lot of starbucks requests pending, just fill out a form an-" "I AM BUILDING THE WORLD'S LARGEST STARBUCKS ON THE RUINS OF ROME" Kathy snaps her pencil in shock, the second half falling from her mouth. "go right in" Jakey walks into the main office. "hello come sit down can i get you anything" "i'd like a glass of orange liquid thanks" "coming right up" Ted Starbucks walks over to the orange liquidcooler. "so what brought you here today" "i'd like permission to make a gigantic starbucks on the ruins of rome" Ted Starbucks drops the glass of orange liquid, causing it to shatter. "I WILL OVERSEE THE CONSTRUCTION MYSELF" "b-but you haven't overseen the construction of a starbucks in fifty years!!!" "this will be my life's work" A single tear streams down Ted Starbucks's face as Michelle emerges from behind the orange liquidcooler. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Starbucks t-shirt/Ted Starbucks missions]
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:12 pm

Mission 046: Happy Haunts Materialise [Harvey Kinkle]
"jakey my house is being haunted!!!" "i hope that whomever is doing this has a permit" "i have asked many times but i have received no answer in return" "we are clearly dealing with professionals here" "i sent a letter to haunt stoppers, but all i got back was this set of commemorative frisbees" "oh i have those too but they don't fly too well due to being ceramic" "i don't even know why they'd bother using such an inferior material as ceram when plast is much cheaper and more aerodynamic" "they are made of ceram because that is the standard for the frisbee teams in the olymps" "oh that makes sense" "we should practice for the 2008 olymps so we can represent our native canada and bring home the silver" "that is a very realistic goal you have set for us" "i agree" Jakey throws a frisbee to Harvey, but it hits Michelle instead. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Haunt Stoppers Commemorative Frisbees appear at safehouses]
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:13 pm

Mission 047: And Begin to Vocalise [Harvey Kinkle]
"JAKEY THE HAUNTING HAS SPREAD TO MY COMMEMORATIVE FRISBEES" "OH NO" "WE MUST DESTROY THE EVIL AT ITS SOURCE" "good idea" Jakey and Harvey enter the haunted house armed with nothing but a flashlight and some crackers for a light snack. "this haunted house is rather unremarkable" "but what about the unidentifiable ooze dripping from the ceiling" "a standard feature in all modern dwellings" "what about the constant smell and taste of ash" "you mean that doesn't happen all the time?" "what about the collection of bob seger tapes" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Jakey runs away, plowing straight through several doors. "hey" "oh hey" "what's up bro" "oh just trying to destroy the evil at its source" "oh come on man that's not nice" "wha-" "i can't help that i'm an evil plague; i just do what i was created to do" "but-" "let's just forget this whole thing and leave well enough alone okay" "but you're an evil horror from the depths of hell" "evil horrors from the depths of hell are people too you know" "what no they aren'-" "jakey maybe someday you will learn to treat those from different backgrounds and viewpoints with respect, but right now i think you need to go back and calm down" "but-" "goodbye jakey" "but-" "goodbye jakey" "bu-" "..." "..." Jakey leaves and politely shuts the shattered door behind him. "did you destroy the evil at its source" "no but i learned the value of respect and understanding" "that's... pretty gay man" Michelle steps through a shattered door. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/evil horror t-shirt]
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PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:13 pm

Mission 048: Grim Grinning Ghosts Come Out to Socialise [Harvey Kinkle]
"jakey i need a new house; preferably one that isn't haunted" "that could be a problem; haunting is big with the kids these days" "we have to try at least" Jakey and Harvey head down to Crazy Svart's Used Houses. "hello i would like a house" "we're having a great deal on haunted houses today, buy one get one free" "uh i was in the market for a house that is NOT haunted" "well the only thing in alabama that isn't haunted is this dollhouse i made for my daughter" Crazy Svart hands the dollhouse to Harvey, who wears it like a hat. "i will take it" "good choice that will be 140000000000000000000000000$" "what a bargain" Harvey hands Crazy Svart his money and leaves, satisfied with his purchase. Michelle runs out of a haunted house, chased by a flaming skull. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/flaming skull appears at safehouses/Crazy Svart missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Nothing (2006)   Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:13 pm

Mission 049: Let the Children Lose It [Ted Starbucks]
"the first thing we need to make a starbucks is well stars" "like, stars in the sky" "no stars on the bedroom ceiling OF FUCKING COURSE STARS IN THE SKY" "s-sorry" "so where's your rocketship" "r-rocketship?" "yes, we need one if we're going to get stars" "uh" "don't tell me you didn't bring the rocketship" "but you didn't tell me to bring a rocketship" "curses" Ted Starbucks sighs. "guess we need to take the elevator" Ted Starbucks calls the elevator, and he and Jakey hop in. "hello welcome to the sky how may i help you" "i need some stars" "i can't give those away; you'll have to talk to my boss" "but i am your boss kathy" "my OTHER boss" Kathy rolls her eyes. "it is very conceited of you to think of yourself as my only boss, you know" "s-sorry" "his office is right down the hall" Ted Starbucks heads for the hallway, and Jakey starts to follow. "jakey wait" "what is it" "we need to talk about our relationship" "um okay" "how is it for you" "could be better" "i feel the same way" "okay" "glad we had this talk jakey" "any time" Ted Starbucks exits the office with an armful of stars. "come on let's go" "b-but i wanted to see the guy" "there's no time let's go" Jakey and Ted Starbucks get on the elevator. "so what happened in there" "i'd rather not talk about it" "but-" "please respect my wish to not talk about it" "i guess it will remain a mystery fore-" "MYSTERY?!" A mysterious woman warps in on a time machine. "TELL ME THE MYSTERY" "uh the mystery is what happened inside that room" "ON IT" The lady warps off and returns instantaneously. "I SOLVED THE MYSTERY" "okay now-" "GOODBYE" The lady warps off. "but i you she i we i but-" Michelle flies a plane into the elevator. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/stars t-shirt]
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Nothing (2006)
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