A Thankful Thing (2024 - November)

Mission 001: Dance of Death [King Bran]
"well we got through october without much issue" "thankfully" "so who's the demoness for november, kb" "gremory, the water demoness" "do they all have a theme?" "yes; jezzie was the darkness demoness, if it matters" "makes sense" Just then, a haunting organ refrain blares in the castle's entranceway. "she's here" Gremory floats into the grand hall under an archway of water. "emelyn going in hard again with the squirt gun" "GREETINGS KINGS OF ALABAMA AND CANADA" Jakey doesn't bother correcting Gremory. "I AM GREMORY, THE NEXT INTERIM QUEEN OF HELL" Gremory begins to cackle maniacally. "well she's got that part down" "did you see my deliciously evil entrance? the haunting organ refrain? the hellish archway?" "yeah" Gremory cackles maniacally again. "this is going to be a rough month, and i'm certain it won't be the roughest" "now PAY TRIBUTE!!! OR ELSE YOUR NATION WILL BE FLOODED FOR THIRTY DAYS AND THIRTY NIGHTS!!!" Gremory cackles maniacally yet again. "i'm beginning to wish she'd chosen february" Jakey opens his wallet and hands Gremory a crisp fiver. "ah yes, the crispness of this fiver is to die for" Gremory cackles maniacally. "the more you cackle, the less impactful each cackle becomes" "i cannot help but to cackle at the brilliance of my evil" "you just grabbed a five dollar bill" "i see that my evil is too high-brow for you humans; i will endeavour to dumb it down a bit in the future" "please do" Gremory exits the castle, leaving behind a trail of water. Michelle slides down the water on her stomach. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Gremory missions]

Mission 002: A Full Plate [Gremory]
"WELCOME TO THE WICKED CHATEAU!!!" Gremory cackles maniacally. "are you going to trap me in a cage and torture me" "what no i'm just going to show you around so you can see what i've done with the place" "customising the government building before you're even elected is a bold move" "it's not my fault the chateau didn't even have a swimming pool; i can't be expected to live in such a dry place" Just then, a noise comes from behind a door. "HELP I'M DROWNING" Jakey opens the door, and is completely soaked by the torrent of water. Hayden floats out of the room. "thanks i thought i was a goner back there" "hayden you donut you're a ghost you don't even have to breathe" "oh right" "go tell thombus what you did and he'll sort out your pay situation" "right away ma'am" Hayden dejectedly floats away as Gremory re-seals the room and fills it with water again. "i swear, you just cannot find good help these days" Gremory claps her hands together, and a young minor demoness floats in lazily. "stacy, response times like that will never get you promoted to major demoness" "whatever" "do you have the files i requested" "yeah here you go" "excellent; tomorrow, the mermaids will be groveling at my feet" "jezzie said the mermaids couldn't be brought on board because they're too pure" "jezzie was a scrub; with my mastery of water, i will succeed where she has failed and use my mermaid army to turn my interim queen of hell position into a regular terim queen of hell position!!!" "yeah good luck with that" Stacy heads into the bedroom to take a nap, but the bed is already occupied by Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 003: Mermanent Solutions [Gremory]
"do you see that faint light in that river jakey" "yeah?" "that's atlantis, the secret kingdom of the mermaids" "so what's your plan" "BEHOLD" Gremory parts the sea, exposing Atlantis to the land above. Candice rushes in, having been called in by Gremory for this job. Candice constructs a sturdy 100% poplar pontoon underneath Atlantis. When Gremory releases the water, Atlantis floats atop the sea. "BEHOLD, THE FOUND CITY OF ATLANTIS" Gremory cackles maniacally. "so what now" "i ransom back atlantis to the mermaids in exchange for the eternal servitude to me specifically" Gremory begins hauling in Atlantis by the chain on the pontoon. She then loads it into the back of the truck she'd prepared. Gremory taps the back of the truck, signalling for it to take off, but nothing happens. "STACY WAKE UP" "guh? oh right" Stacy lazily pulls out of the harbour, delivering Atlantis back to the Wicked Chateau. "what's to stop the mermaids from building a new underwater city" "what would they even call it" "new orleans" "dammit" Michelle walks over to the side of the dock and drops a bunch of building materials into the ocean. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 004: In the Zode [Gremory]
"jakey have you heard of this shit? i just learned about the zodiac and its awesome power" Gremory cackles maniacally. "i just learned that i am a cancer and need to seek out sagittariuses to bolster my unholy army of evil!!!" Gremory continues to cackle maniacally. Unimportant looks worried. "jakey i liked the other demoness better" "i think we all did" "my evil is a thing of sublime beauty; i can understand how you humans could be intimidated by it" Gremory returns to cackling maniacally. "i'm just going to leave a copy of the rolodex here and leave" Unimportant dashes out of the room, hoping the next demoness is less creepy. Michelle dashes into the room, hoping to join in the cackling. Gremory looks at her disapprovingly. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 005: Sliver of Silver [Gremory]
"jakey good i want you to bear witness as i capture the rare silver slime; she's a sagittarius and i'm a cancer so i am sure to succeed" "i'm sure" "behold the stunning beauty of my evil traps and tricks; first, i have strewn bear tracks along the road; if those are avoided, the slime will run past the trap i've set where a boulder will crush her once she trips the wire; if somehow that is avoided, i have my final gambit-" "let me guess, you painted a false road leading to a fake tunnel you painted on the wall of the canyon" "ah, i see that you too are an evil genius" "not particularly" "shh she's coming" Predictably, Sylvia avoids every single one of Gremory's traps, then runs through the painted-on tunnel. "WHAT!!! the construction lady must have made a real tunnel where my fake tunnel was painted!!!" Gremory rears back and runs straight into the canyon wall, which knocks the boulder out of place, which rolls her over, and backward through the bear traps which now cover her body. "let us never speak of this again" Michelle emerges from the tunnel. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 006: Rivers and Streams [Gremory]
"oh jakey i'm just about to drop in on my loyal subject and sagittarius, gwandoline the vampire" "it's gwendolyn" "no, i think it's gwandoline" Gremory knocks on the door, and Gwendolyn answers. "gwandoline!!! did you get those games i sent you for your stream" "five different versions of the waterworld game?" "yes, a classic set of games based on what we can all agree is the greatest movie in the history of cinema" "i've never seen it" "WHAT!!! kevin costner is a legend!!! we must have a watch party, the three of us" "uh i can't i need to uh take michelle home" "jakey you fucker don't leave me here alone with her" "and gwendolyn needs to come too because uh michelle's uh dog needs its uh blood drained of toxins and we're uh out of leeches" "oh yeah that makes sense; we'll do it some other time" "yeah uh bye" Jakey and Gwendolyn race out of the apartment and run into Michelle. "oh thank god; little rexnatius isn't going to last much longer!!! take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 007: A Tub of Water [Gremory]
"jakey i realised something; i need a celebrity endorsement, and who better than the girl in the tub? i mean, i'm the water demoness, she's a water-based celebrity, it's a match born in hell" Gremory cackles maniacally. "so are you going to try and impress her by taking a bath across the street from her in this conveniently abandoned building?" "oh that's an even better idea; i was just going to rough her up until she agreed" "yeah i don't think she likes being roughed up" "all right then; jakey, guard my bath and don't come in unless i yell 'PEAR PUREE CONCENTRATE'" "got it" Gremory grabs her rubber ducky and heads into the bath, where she begins to sing a tune. "♫a lonely mother gazing out of the window, staring at a son that she just can't touch♫" As Jakey solemnly guards the door, Stacy floats up the stairs. "i have that report gremory wanted; allow me past you to give it to her so i can take a nap finally; i'm bushed" "when was the last time you got a nap" "like half an hour ago; it's nuts" "i'll say" "so let me by" "no one gets past" "♫DON'T GO CHASING WATERFALLS; PLEASE STICK TO THE RIVERS AND THE LAKES THAT YOU'RE USED TO♫" "can i take a nap until her bath is finished then" "go right ahead" Stacy finds a spot in the corner to take a nap so she won't get stepped on. After a while, Gremory finishes her song and her bath. Scarlett walks up the stairs to meet her. "so? did you like my tune?" "yes but i've already pledged my support to echidna" "oh dammit" Gremory hangs her head, knowing that the hellection endorsement contract cannot be broken. "i knew i should have taken october" Michelle walks up the stairs, deliberately going out of her way to step on Stacy. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 008: A Friend to All [Gremory]
"jakey i've got a lot of corpses here that i need to get rid of; do you know of any corpse redemption center nearby" "well there's the graveyard but valerie will hate those corpses" "what's wrong with them?! my corpses are sublime" "she hates it when the corpses are soggy; she thinks it's gross" "WHAT!!! corpses are at their best when they are dripping wet!!!" "i can understand why a water demoness would take that position" "come" Gremory claps her hands. "stacy, load these corpses in the truck and take us to the graveyard" Stacy slogs her way out of her napping seat and loads the corpses, then drives everyone to the graveyard. "okay so grem, with valerie, you've got to be delicate-" "GRAVEKEEPER!!!" "GAH" A loud crash is heard from inside Valerie's hut. "I DEMAND SERVICE THIS INSTANT!!!" Valerie scrambles like she's never scrambled before. "h-hello?" "i have created these corpses and i need you to redeem them and give me my nickel for each" "n-nickel?" "don't try to cheap out on me, girl; I DEMAND MY REIMBURSEMENT!!!" "R-R-R-RIGHT AWAY!!! M-M-MA'AM!!!" Valerie scrambles to unload the corpses as her assistant, Octavia, rolls out of bed and up toward Gremory, who is, of course, cackling maniacally. "what is your problem, lady?" "excuse me? i am the QUEEN OF HELL!!!" "no, you're a candidate for interim queen of hell; i know how this works" "don't take that tone with me; i am your superior" "no one is going to vote for you; you are completely unlikable" Gremory launches a blast of water toward Octavia, but Octavia's orcish boxer background allows her to sidestep it. "go home and be a family man" Gremory's rage reaches a boiling point, and, as the water demoness, she begins to boil. "ew" "I-I-I-I'VE B-BURIED A-ALL TH-THE C-CORPSES M-MISS D-D-DEMONESS M-MA'AM" Valerie salutes out of fear while Gremory passes out from being too angry. Octavia throws her into the back of the truck and signals for Stacy to take off. "glad that's over" Octavia attempts to return to her nap, but Michelle is sleeping in her bed. Octavia throws Michelle out onto the ground. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 009: A Brief Lapse [Gremory]
"jakey what happened last night? i can't remember a thing" "neither can i" "this only happens when i get really angry so i wish i could remember so i could get my revenge" "oh same" "regardless, i have just learned of a water-themed superheroine running around alabama; i figure that she would be the perfect one to endorse a water-themed demoness" "sounds logical" "so how do i get her to appear" "usually she appears when there is a water-based crime or emergency" "oh, i'm great at causing those" Gremory summons a gigantic tidal wave and sends it westward. River-Girl soon shows up to contain the wave. "river-girl!!! big fan, my name is gremory, i'm running for queen of hell" "interim queen of hell" "yeah yeah whatever ANYWAY i was hoping for your endorsement river-girl, as a fellow water-themed character" "i don't think that promoting a demoness is a very heroic thing to do" "someone is going to be queen of hell, and you can influence which evil rules the whole thing!!! imagine if the hordes of hell you had to fight were water-based already; we could be a duo for the ages!!!" Gremory cackles maniacally. "then we'd just be at a stalemate for the rest of your tenure; i'd much rather the queen of hell be a fire demoness" Gremory's laugh ceases immediately. "don't even joke" "i'm not" "DON'T even joke" "I'M not" "i don't thik i can deal with such a duplicitous jokester" "wha-" "goodbye, river-girl; next time we meet, it will be on the field of battle" Gremory flies off, cackling maniacally. "weirdo" "yeah i'm not a big fan either" At a nearby restaurant, Michelle spills her glass of water. River-Girl catches the water mid-spill and forces it back into Michelle's glass. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 010: Endorsed and Enforced [Gremory]
"jakey after the last few abject failures, i'm back on the sagittarius hype train choo choo" Gremory cackles maniacally. "i never thought i'd hear someone cackle maniacally after saying 'choo choo'" "i am different breed" "i'll say" Jakey and Gremory head inside the theater to meet with The Great Cheryl. "the great cheryl, i am the demoness gremory, running for queen of hell; i would like a celebrity endorsement from you" "how much are you paying" "how much do you want" "now we're talking" The Great Cheryl magics up a contract in front of Gremory. "sign here and here and here and initial here" Gremory signs the paperwork, and a few million dollars are deducted from Gremory's bank account. It was all counterfeit anyway. "okay you stand here and i'll do the rest" The Great Cheryl conjures a camera and crew. The orcish media lady, Orelie Leavitt, mans the clapboard. "ACTION" "hello my name is the great cheryl and i endorse gretchen for her campaign for mayor" "CUT" "WHAT WAS THAT?! you got my name AND the office i'm running for wrong!!!" "we'll fix it in post" Orelie begins cutting together clips and sound samples and quickly produces a finished commercial. "hello my name is the great cheryl and i endorse GREE-MOR-Y for her campaign for IN-TER-UM CREAM OF HELL" "you can tell that was stitched together from unrelated sound bytes!!! and you said 'cream' instead of 'queen'!!!" "don't care; you signed a contract, goodbye" The Great Cheryl teleports the crew, Jakey, and Gremory all away from her stage. "what a bitch!!!" "coming from you, that means a lot" Michelle is teleported to where everyone else is, as well. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 011: Badge for a Sadge [Gremory]
"so have you given up on sagittariuses yet grem" "the rolodex says that the great cheryl is most likely lying about being a sagittarius and is actually a capricorn in disguise" "that does sound like unimportant" "so i'm off to the next proper sagittarius, the alabamanian court wizard, ortence!!!" Gremory cackles maniacally as she teleports herself and Jakey into the wizard's tower. "read the sign please; this is a no cackling zone" Gremory blasts high-pressure water at the sign as she continues to cackle maniacally. "rude" Ortence fixes the sign magically, and makes it waterproof. "anyway down to brass tacks: i'm a cancer" "i'll say" "and you are a sagittarius; thus our personalities are compatible and i will be counting on your vote for queen of hell" "i'm not evil; i don't get a vote" "would you like to become evil?" "no thanks" "curses" "instead of trying to recruit new people to be evil, why don't you just try and cover up your unlikable, abrasive personality?" "someone sounds jealous of my ultimate evil personality; never fear, little orc; i will personally take you under my wing as my apprentice" "no thanks" "don't be intimidated or afraid!!! i don't bite" Gremory begins to cackle maniacally, and is kicked out the window by a magical boot trap. "should have read the sign" Michelle attempt to take down the 'no cackling' sign, as she feels a cackle of her own coming on, but to no avail. "take me home so i can cackle in peace"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 012: Thanks for the Gremories [Gremory]
"well, it's thanksgiving; my month is almost over" "thank god" "i'll pretend i didn't hear that" "you do that" "to celebrate, i have created the grandest thanksgiving feast possible; tell me, what is the thing everyone CRAVES on thanksgiving day? the one thing that you almost ignore everything else for?" "the tur-" "THE MASHED POTATOES!!!" Gremory cackles maniacally as mashed potatoes rain from the skies, covering the streets of Hell, and spilling into Alabama's roads. "no, i'm pretty sure it's the turkey; it's the centerpiece of the table" "it's but a mere container to hold the mashed potatoes" "you're confusing mashed potatoes and stuffing" "no, it is YOU who are confused!!! you can't stuff the bird with seasoned bread crusts like some kind of hobo!!! you stuff it with beautiful mashed potatoes!!!" "no-" "YES!!! the potatoes cook again inside the bird, gaining all of its birdly juices!!! BEHOLD!!! THE ULTIMATE THANKSGIVING FEAST!!!" Gremory cackles anew as more and more mashed potatoes flood the world's streets. Michelle is swept up in a potato river. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 013: Rollin' and Ridin' and Slippin' and Slidin', It's Magic [Gremory]
"for my final act in my month of november, i will give the people what they all want: THE GREATEST BLACK FRIDAY SALES EVER!!!" "oh what's on sale" "each store got a single PS5, which is now $498 instead of $499!!!" "wow; a real PS5? i thought those things were a myth; an ugly, ugly myth" "refrigerators for five bucks!!! big-screen 12K TVs for thirty-eight dollars!!! SPRIGS OF BROCCOLI FOR A MERE TWELVE-THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!" "how many fucking sprigs do you get for twelve grand?!" "uh one?" "one?!" "it's one of the healthiest foods ever; you sell people things that will kill them for cheap, and make the healthy things expensive; it's basic economics" "fair enough i suppose" "would you like to buy a twelve pack of mountain dew for just five cents?" "BOY WOULD I" Jakey gives Gremory a huge jar of nickels, and receives a truckload of Mountain Dew in return. Michelle walks up to Gremory's Black Friday stand. "how many nickels for some pickels" "thirty-thousand" "oh man that's a good deal; jakey take me home so i can get my nickel jar"
[reward: respect +/'Vote for Gremory' t-shirt/THE END]