Pokémon Masters

Be sure to read the other entries in the Pokémon series first: Pokémon InfernoRed and OceanBlue, Pokémon GlitteringGold and ShimmeringSilver, Pokémon VolcanicRuby and TidalSapphire, Pokémon InfiniteDiamond and BoundlessPearl, Pokémon EternityX and OblivionY, Pokémon BlazingSun and TranquilMoon, Pokémon SharpenedSword and TemperedShield, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Pikachu, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Marill, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Skitty, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Bidoof, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Flabébé, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Alolan Vulpix, and Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Yamper.

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"oh champion green welcome to our pokémon daycare" "yeah i never noticed this building before" "yeah building between a series of tall ledges you can't climb may have been a bad idea" "so what do you do here" "oh check it" The day care man places an egg on the table. "oh man i could sure go for an omlette right about now" "uh that is not what we do with the eggs miss champion" "oh" "a mrs. mime laid this not too long ago and it's already almost time to hatch" "oh so mr. and mrs. mime are going to be parents now" "uh no the father was a cacnea" "how does THAT work" "it's one of life's greatest mysteries" The egg begins to glow. "it's happening!!!" The day care man and Green watch intently as the egg cracks open to reveal Mime Jr. "mime mime" "IT'S SO CUTE!!!" "MIME MIME MIME!!!" "sir can i take this mime jr. home or am i going to have to sneak back here in the middle of the night and steal him" "he's all yours; the trainer of the cacnea and mrs. mime told me he doesn't want to keep any non-shiny and perfect IV mime jr.s that may hatch" "that's awful" "mime mime mime" "come on mime jr. let's go float around in misty's pool all day every day" "mime mime"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"hello there miss champion crystal my name is frieda and since it's friday i'm going to give you this poison barb!!!" "um thanks?" "don't mention it; i'm always here to help out trainers on friday" Crystal looks at her watch. "well it's now technically saturday" "oh is it? WOAH LOOK OVER THERE!!! IT'S A SHINY BIDOOF!!!" "WHERE?!" Crystal whips around, and Frieda places a false moustache onto her face. "rats it got away" Crystal turns back around and is shocked to see Frieda gone and a moustachioed lad standing in front of her. "where'd frieda go?!" "oh it's saturday now so it's my shift; i'm santos" "um hi" "to celebrate this beautiful saturday, have some sand" Santos dumps a bunch of soft sand into Crystal's bag. "uh thanks?" "come back tomorrow and sunny will give you a magnet!!!" "uh yeah sure"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"okay flannery it's time for your gym inspection" "OH champion may hello" "hi have you figured out how to introduce yourself to trainers yet" "unfortunately no" "well throw some ideas at me and i'll tell you if any of them are good" "okay okay cool" Flannery clears her throat. "KONICHIWA TRAINER-SAN!!! SUGOI DESU KA?!" "next" "¡¡¡HOLA MI AMIGO!!! ¡¡¡MI NOMBRE ES FLANNERY!!! ¡¡¡EL CALIENTE BAILAMOS!!!" "NEXT" . "SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!! BE THERE!!! BE THERE!!! BE THERE!!! AS FLANNERY TAKES ON HER LATEST GYM CHALLENGER!!!" "try again" "s-STUPID; IT'S NOT LIKE I WANTED TO BATTLE YOU OR ANYTHING" "i like it" "really?!" "but i'm pretty sure a gym leader in kanto is already using that one" "WHAT" "yeah i think her name was misty" "dammit" "got anything else?" "ara~ ara~ what's such a cute little trainer like you doing here~" "you're a bit young for that one" "oh i'll stash it away for later then" "also i think the champion of galar is trying to get one of her gym leaders to speak like that" "really?!" "yeah her name is melony i think" "man this is harder than deciding my gym's gimmick!!! i wanted a quiz gym, but it was done by the fire gym in kanto, then i thought of a gym where you have to rummage through trash cans but THAT had also been done!!!" "wait really?" "yeah kanto's already done everything cool so i just let the people of lavaridge town decide the gym's gimmick, and they chose water and trumpets" "they're consistent, i'll give them that" Just then, a new challenger walks into the gym. "LEADER FLANNERY!!! MY SUDOWOODO AND I ARE HERE TO CHALLENGE YOU!!!" "SUDOWOODO!!!" "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE AND MAKE IT DOUBLE" Flannery presses a button, and a torrent of water floods the field as a chorus of trumpets fills the air. "SUDOWOODO!!!" Sudowoodo runs away as fast as his little legs will carry him. "what a weird tree" "this is BULLSHIT; why is a FIRE gym's theme WATER?!" "don't blame me, blame democracy" "that's it, i'm moving to a cool region like kanto" The challenger storms off after his Sudowoodo. He kicks over a trash can on his way out. "AND I'M FUCKING SICK OF TRUMPETS" Sirens are heard as the challenger is surrounded by police.

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"welcome champion dawn to my trophy garden!!!" "i don't see any trophies" "it's the pokémon who are the trophies!!! they are rare and not otherwise found in sinnoh!!!" "oh uh cool" "go on walk around in the grass; i'll let you catch one pokémon here for being such a good champion to our region" "oh thanks" Dawn walks around in the tall grass until she encounters a Marill. "MARILL" "why is that marill green?! is it sick?! i'd better catch it and get it to the pokémon center" Dawn hucks a pokéball at the Marill, catching it. "thank you for the tour but i've got champion business to attend to" "oh sure sure come back anytime" Dawn rushes off to the Pokémon Center. "NURSE JOY I NEED HELP; THIS MARILL IS SICK" "oh dear it's positively green" Nurse Joy takes the Marill into the backroom, then returns almost immediately. "there is nothing wrong with this marill" "seriously?" "it's happy and healthy, but also somehow green" "maybe it just got into the green paint" "yes that's probably it" Dawn and Nurse Joy run to give Marill a thorough bathe, but the green remains. "huh" "i guess it fell into the good paint" "i'm sorry i couldn't help champion dawn" "it's okay; i'll still love it even if it is a horrendous freak of nature" "that's the spirit" "come on marill; you're the cutest freak of nature i've ever seen!!!" "MARILL!!!"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"champion serena we have important paperwork for you to look over re:the lumiose 'black out' project" Serena's Substitute sits in her seat, unmoving. "miss champion you've been really quiet lately; are you okay?" The Substitute does not respond, as it is a mere Substitute, set so that Serena could escape to Kanto to meet her idol, Green. "every day, we propose regionwide changes to the laws and maps but every time, you remain silent; please tell us, what kinds of changes would you like to see in kalos" The Substitute still does not respond. Siebold sighs, and leaves the room, ready to go through this same song and dance tomorrow.

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"you want to be my WHAT" "your secretary, champion luna" "i thought you were leading a cult or whatever" "well you were the one who stopped that ungrateful daughter of mine's schemes; so as a thank you for that, and as an apology for spawning such a creature, i would like to make it up to you by becoming your secretary" "uh you don't really look like a secretary" "oh don't worry; check this out" Lusamine exits the room, then re-enters shortly wearing a collared shirt, pencil skirt, pantyhose, and high heels, with her hair wrapped in a secretarial bun. "okay that's pretty impressive" "so what do you need done miss champion" "i need you to rearrange all the files in the champion's cabinets; kukui just kind of hucked everything in there" "do not worry ma'am!!! i will take care of these unruly files for you!!! then i will brush that unruly hair for you!!!" "uh" "do not worry my child!!! as your secretary, i will shower you with ALL OF MY LOVE!!! LOVE THAT CERTAIN DEAD DAUGHTERS HAVE CRUELLY REJECTED!!!" Luna nervously begins to sweat. "also: if it pleases you, you can call me mommy" "what have i gotten myself into"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Gloria sits on the deck of the cruiseship to the Isle of Armour, taking in the view of the surrounding islands. All of a sudden, a clanking noise is heard from a vaguely engine room-ward direction. "wha-" "A HA HA 'CHAMPION' GLORIA!!! WE OF TEAM YELL ARE HERE TO AVENGE MARNIE!!!" "who" Team Yell is taken aback. "SURELY YOU DON'T NEED TO BE REMINDED OF HOW MARNIE IS SO CUTE CUDDLY LOVE HER WANT HER TO RIDE ME ALL DAY WARM HAIR SO CUTE SO AMAZING LOVE HER NEED HER MARNIE!!!" "oh ri-" "AND SURELY YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THESE FIVE FACTS ABOUT MARNIE!!! 1: MARNIE IS A HUMAN!!! 2: SHE'S CUTE!!! 3: I LOVE HER!!! 4: MARNIE!!!" "are you done" "yeah goodbye miss 'champion'; say hello to lillie in hell for me" The Team Yell grunt leaps off of the ship onto his waiting Wailmer. "who the fuck is lillie" An Alolan man aboard the ship is taken aback. "who the fuck is lillie?! WHO THE FUCK IS LILLIE?! lillie is so cute cuddly love her want-" Gloria shoves the man off of the ship into the briny deep. "-to ride her all day warm hair so cute so amazing love her need her lillie!!!" The man's voice trails off as the ship leaves him behind, leaving everyone else unable to hear his five facts about Lillie. "anyway back to the ship problem: luckily, i did my due dilligence and read my horoscope before i departed and have just the solution to our problem" Gloria hucks her Pokéball containing Meltan. "MELTAN ATTACH TO THAT BOLT" "meltan" Meltan sighs and does as he's told. "SHE HAS DONE IT!!! SHE IS A TRUE CHAMPION!!!" "WE WILL TELL STORIES ABOUT CHAMPION GLORIA FOR YEARS TO COME!!!" "WE WILL BE SURE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT CHAMPION GLORIA IS SO CUTE CUDDLY LOVE HER WANT HER TO RIDE ME ALL DAY WARM HAIR SO CUTE SO AMAZING LOVE HER NEED HER GLORIA!!!" Gloria slaps her face with her hand.
THE END