Pokémon GlitteringGold and ShimmeringSilver

A sequel to Pokémon InfernoRed and OceanBlue

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"psst hey psst" "what what is it i'm sleeping" "psst hey what time is it" "i don't know about 4 am" "and how many minutes" "i don't know fuckin 32" "32 minutes?! goddamn!!! okay okay um is it currently daylight savings time" "no" "all right all right and um one last thing" "yeah?" "what day is it" "it's tuesday" "cool cool thanks"
"crystal how'd you sleep" "not too well" "that's too bad; professor elm wanted to see you something about giving you a Pokémon but if you're too tired" "no i most certainly am not" "okay then take your pokegear and go on" Crystal sprints out of the house, but misses the corner and careens into a boy with dumb red hair. "HEY WATCH IT" The boy grabs Crystal and dropkicks her back out to the road. "rude" "oh hi there crystal come on in i need you to run an errand for me my buddy mr Pokémon has found something cool and i want you to go get it because you are young and vivacious and have nothing but free time while i am an adult with important standing around to do" "um okay" "so here choose from my three Pokémon and hit the road" "oh man this is so cool!!!" Crystal grabs the one with flames shooting out of its back. "oh cyndaquil nice; now head out past cherrygrove and out to mr Pokémon's house i hope he gives me something cool this time and not another stupid egg"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Crystal gets to Mr. Pokémon's house, and receives another stupid egg. But Professor Oak was there and gave her a Pokédex, so it isn't all bad. Crystal exits the house and receives a phone call. "IT'S A DISASTER COME BACK QUICKLY" Crystal follows Professor Elm's advice, and heads back to Cherrygrove City. "hey miss are you crystal" "yeah" "my name is gold and i was told you would escort me to new bark town so i can receive a Pokémon" "oh sure sure come on" Crystal and Gold head back to New Bark Town, but Gold is knocked right over by the rude boy from chaptour one. "HEY WATCH IT" "pfft whatever loser" "I AM NOT A LOSER; CRYSTAL, SHOW HIM HOW MUCH OF A NOT A LOSER I AM" "got it" Crystal, finally having the chance to get revenge for earlier, jumps at the opportunity. "GO CYNDAQUIL" "GO TOTODILE" "cyndaquil use tackle a bunch!!!" Cyndaquil does as Crystal commands, and wins the battle handily due to all the grinding she'd done north of Cherrygrove. "listen you; you only won because my Pokémon is SHIT" "actually, totodile is rated as the best starter for johtoan trainers because of its-" "MY NAME IS SILVER and i am GOING TO be the very best like no one EVER was" "good luck with that"
Crystal and Gold finally make it back to New Bark Town, where a policeman is talking with Professor Elm. "yeah this little red-haired midget stole my totodile!!!" "are you sure it was a midget and not just a child" "i thought they meant the same thing" "uh" "sir we encountered that boy who stole the totodile" "yeah he was very rude" "did you catch his name" "yeah his name was RUDY" "..." "..." "uh crystal he said his name was silver" "shut up his name is rudy and that's final because he was RUDE" "ANYWAY, i'm off to search for this boy and never catch him" "good luck" "so uh professor elm if silver stole the totodile does that mean-" "oh no no you can have the third Pokémon it's called chikorita" "oh cool what is it" "it's like a little lima bean dude with a leaf on its head" "neat" "and what was the thing mr. Pokémon sent me" "another stupid egg" "goddammit"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
Crystal heads to Violet City, the site of both scenic Sprout Tower and Crystal's first gym, lead by Falkner. Crystal enters the gym, ready to put her newly-evolved Quilava to work. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING do you dream big?! do you wanna be the very best like NO ONE ever was?!" "FUCK YEAH" "then listen up!!! falkner uses flying-type Pokémon" Crystal steps onto the elevator platform, raising her up hundreds of feet above the floor onto a narrow catwalk. "UM SHOULDN'T THERE BE A RAILING OR SOMETHING" "nonsense; this is for flying-type trainers" "yeah what kind of dumbass trainer hasn't already caught a pidgey at this point" Crystal nervously crawls along the floor, scared of falling off, until she reaches Falkner. "hello trainer i am falkner and i look forward to having a competitive match" "y-yeah me too; GO QUILAVA" "GO PIDGEY" Crystal's Quilava soundly defeats Falkner's Pidgey and Pidgeotto, winning her a zephyr badge.

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"hello there miss would you like a tasty and nutritious slowpoke tail?!" "boy would i; i remember this first time i ever ate a slowpoke tail as a little girl it was so delicious" "okay that will be one million Pokémon fun bux" "A MILLION?!" "pfft and i thought kids these days were loaded"
Crystal eventually makes her way to Azalea Town, where Bugsy's gym is located. However, a rotund man is blocking the entrance. "um excuse me sir i need to get by" "that's nice" "could you please like move" "no" "why" "i was hoping that if i stood here long enough eventually a trainer would come and solve our problem; team rocket is in slowpoke well!!!" "and?" "they're doing bad guy things!!!" Crystal sighs and walks to a nearby house to get an adult to help her. "hey sir um there's a guy standing in front of the gym and not moving until someone takes care of team rocket and-" "TEAM ROCKET?! I, KURT, AM ON MY WAY" Kurt rushes out of his house and leaps down into Slowpoke Well. "FUCK MY BACK" "goddammit" Crystal climbs down into the well and fends off a bunch of Team Rocket goons. "my name is proton and i am an admin in team rocket" "great uh could you like leave" "no" "goddammit" Crystal sends out her Quilava to defeat the Team Rocket guy's Koffing. "okay NOW i can leave bye" "weirdo" Crystal looks from side to side, and while no one's looking, she munches down on a delicious Slowpoke tail. She also catches five Slowpokes for later.
"yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING bugsy uses bug-type Pokémon" "gee i never would have guessed" "hi my name is bugsy and i look forward to having a competitive match" "yeah me too; GO QUILAVA" "..." "..." "just take the damn badge"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"miss you have to help me my farfetch'd ran away!!!" "listen i am way behind schedule i need to get-" Crystal realises that there's no path ahead. "you can't get through if you can't cut down that small tree; i will give you a Pokémon instructional video for cutting down trees if you help me" Crystal throws her hands up and walks over to the Farfetch'd. "GO QUILAVA WE'RE HAVING ROAST DUCK TONIGHT" "WHAT" Quilava knocks the Farfetch'd out with his flame wheel. "here you go" "um thanks"
Crystal exits the Ilex Forest and walks down Route 34. "hey crystal how have you been" "oh gold not bad" "cool cool check it out; this is the Pokémon daycare" "um okay what is it for" "well they say that if you put a male and a female Pokémon into the daycare, they can produce an egg which will hatch into a another Pokémon of the same kind!!!" "oh that's-" The gears begin to turn in Crystal's head. If one Slowpoke can regrow a healthy and delicious and nutritious tail every week, and two Slowpokes can continually produce Slowpoke eggs, AND a Slowpoke tail sells for a million Pokémon Fun Bux, Crystal could be seriously rich seriously soon. Crystal tears into the daycare, and deposits a male and a female Slowpoke. "so when do i get my egg?!" "well let's see" The daycare man pulls out a calculator. "both slowpokes were caught by you so i'd say you have about a 50% chance of getting an egg once every 256 steps you take" "what how does me walking or not walking affect their breeding" "hey i don't make the rules i just report them" Crystal sighs, and begins walking. 512 steps later, she gets an egg from the daycare man. "okay now how do i hatch this baby" "well you just walk around with it" "for how long though" "well it's a slowpoke so that would be 20 egg cycles and since each egg cycle is 255 steps, you're looking at a total of 5,355 steps" "WHAT I DON'T THINK I'VE TAKEN THAT MANY STEPS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE" "you're fifteen years old if you hadn't taken that many steps hundreds of times over your legs wouldn't be able to support your weight and look just be glad you're not also trying to breed a chansey for some scrambled eggs; that's 10,455 steps!!!" "that sounds redundant; why not just scramble the egg the chansey comes in" "..." "..." "that's a good question"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
Crystal heads into Goldenrod City, the largest city in Johto, complete with game corner, department store, radio tower, bullet train, and Whitney's gym. "oh boy oh boy i can't wait to play the slots" Crystal excitedly opens the door to the game corner and loud music fills her ears. "uh where did the slot machines go" "oh hey i bought this game corner myself and replaced those dumbass machines with VOLTORB FLIP!!! the game of the future!!!" "uh" "COME PLAY MY GAME AND MAKE MY HEART BOIL WITH EXCITEMENT" Crystal, against her better judgement, sits across from the man and begins to flip cards randomly. "IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTING?!" The table explodes as Crystal flips a Voltorb. "GREAT GAME LET'S PLAY AGAIN" "uh-" Just then, Crystal's Pokegear begins to ring. "sorry i've got to take this; yellow" "crystal do you remember my ratatta?! well i had it scientifically analysed and i learned that my ratatta is in the TOP PERCENTAGE OF RATATTA" "no shit? wow"
"yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING whitney uses normal-type Pokémon" "oh piece of cake" "hi my name is whitney i use only the cutest Pokémon!!!" "oh so like teddiursa?" "haha NOPE GO MILTANK" Whitney sends out a gigantic cow. "uh go quilava" "MILTANK ATTRACT" Quilava falls in love with Miltank, and refuses to attack the love of his life. "MILTANK ROLLOUT" Miltank utterly slaughters Quilava. "GODDAMN CHEATING-ASS BULLSHIT"
After days of training and hundreds of calls from Youngster Joey, Crystal returns to the gym with a level 50 Typhlosion and an army of Slowpokes. "i'm back lady" "oh i thought you'd given up GO MILTANK" "GO TYPHLOSION USE FLAMETHROWER WE'RE HAVING STEAK TONIGHT" Typhlosion incinerates Miltank, and Whitney begins to bawl her eyes out. "i will be taking that badge thanks"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Crystal continues northward, but is stopped by a strange tree that will not respond to being cut down. "yeah this tree is fucking weird it doesn't seem to like water very much at all; i bet it's more into those crummy Pokémon creatures instead" "oh that gives me an idea" Crystal pulls out a trumpet and begins to blow away on it. The tree immediately runs off in terror. "you just happened to have a trumpet?" "i have a cousin from hoenn and my mother made me learn how to play as he'd feel more at home when he came over" "ah"
Crystal finally makes it to Ecruteak City, and heads for Morty's gym. "sorry champ in the making morty is in the burnt tower" "oh that is so like him" Crystal enters the Burned Tower, and spots Morty and some weird guy shooting the shit. "morty i want a battle" "oh okay this is my friend eusine" "hello i am eusine i am looking for the BEST legendary dog" "entei?" "NO, suicune!!! suicune is so cute cuddly LOVE IT want to ride it all day warm mane so cute so amazing love it need it suicune!!!" "uh-" "here are five facts about suicune!!! 1: suicune is a legendary Pokémon!!! 2: she's cute!!! 3: i love her!!! 4: suicune!!!" "suicune is genderless" "NO suicune is a girl!!! a cute girl!!! and i am going to marry her!!!" "uh whatever you say dude" Hearing Eusine's ranting, the legendary dogs wake up and escape from the tower as fast as they can.
"yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING morty uses ghost-type Pokémon" Crystal steps forward, and looks downward. "uh what's at the bottom of that black pit" "bottom?! what do you think we are?! pussies?! that pit is 100% grade-A bottomless!!!" "oh no no no no not again no no no" Crystal crawls on her stomach and inches along toward Morty. "hello trainer i am morty and i look forward to a fair and equitable match" "s-sure; GO TYPHLOSION" "GO GASTLY" Crystal soundly defeats Morty, then slowly crawls back and out of the gym.

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
Crystal heads east, making it to Mahogany Town, home of Pryce's gym. A large man stands out front of the gym. "hey-" "DID YOU KNOW THAT SLOWPOKE TAILS ARE HEALTHY AND DELICIOUS" "yeah man totally uh can i get into the gym" "no" "not this shit again" Crystal heads to the east side of town, and is accosted by another man. "would you like to buy a delicious RAGE CANDY BAR" "i'm already angry stand aside" "would you like to buy a delicious RAGE CANDY BAR" "fine whatever" Crystal hands the man 500 Pokémon Fun Bux and receives a RAGE CANDY BAR in exchange. "now let me through" "ha ha ha no way bucko" "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
Crystal heads north to sit by the Lake of Rage and quietly stew on hers. "hey check out that red gyarados" "aren't they usually blue" "yeah weeeiiiird it must be a glitch try resetting the game" Crystal, wanting to stew quietly, hucks a ball at the red Gyarados, capturing it and ending the conversation nearby. "hello citizen i am lance you must be a great trainer come with me and we will defeat team rocket!!!" "no than-" Crystal is dragged by her arm all the way back to Mahogany Town. "DRAGONITE USE HYPER BEAM" Lance's Dragonite uses hyper beam on a human, knocking him the fuck out. "COOL can you do that on the guy in front of the gym or maybe the RAGE CANDY BAR guy" "nonsense we have important work to do!!!" "sigh"
"stop right there criminal scum; we're here to stop you" "oh well you can turn off the barrier by saying 'hail giovanni' but only i can do it because it responds to my voice only so i'm just going to stroll on out of here and leave behind my bird which mimicks my voice perfectly bye dudes" "i hate johto so much"
After Crystal dealt with Team Rocket, the man in front of the gym left. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING pryce uses ice-type Pokémon" "hi my name is pryce and i look forward to battle" "okay fine; GO TYPHLOSION" "GO DEWGONG" Pryce's Dewgong sleeps and sleeps makes a nuisance of itself, but eventually goes down for the count.

CHAPTOUR NINE:
Crystal attempts to leave Mahogany Town to the east, but is blocked by the RAGE CANDY BAR guy. "move get out of the way" "no i REFUSE" "i bought your shitty candy bar that tasted like chocolate-covered onions just let me pass" "i'll never let you past now that you've insulted the sublime taste of a RAGE CANDY BAR!!!" "i hate johto"
Crystal doubles back to the west, and ends up in Olivine City, home of Jasmine's gym. "sorry champ in the making but jasmine is at the lighthouse" "of course; why would a johtoan gym leader be at her gym?! it makes no sense whatsoever for THAT to happen!!!" Crystal sighs, drags herself over to the lighthouse, and rides the elevator to the top floor. Crystal stares in disbelief at Jasmine, who has locked herself inside a room on the top floor. "oh COME ON" Crystal goes back down the elevator, climbs the stairs, and forces her way through a hole into Jasmine's room. "ME YOU GYM BATTLE" "but amphy is sick!!! he needs medicine!!!" "then go get medicine" "i can't leave him alone!!!" "so LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: your plan was to lock yourself in a room with this sick Pokémon and WATCH IT DIE instead of getting the medicine YOURSELF" "uh maybe" "I FUCKING HATE JOHTO AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
Crystal surfs her way over across the sea to Cianwood City, where medicine for Amphy and Chuck's gym can both be found. Crystal decides to let Jasmine sweat it out in the lighthouse for a while and hopefully get Pokecancer. On a rock by the sea, Crystal sees Suicune. "oh hey suicune how's i-" "DID SOMEONE SAY SUICUNE?!?!?!?!" Eusine sprints to Crystal, and Suicune runs off, frightened. "oh MAN SUICUNE IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE HER SO MUCH" "uh-" "thank you for alerting me to suicune's presence crystal come on i'll give you a tour of my house" "that's okay i don't-" Before she can finish, Crystal is dragged into Eusine's house by her arm. "this is my collection of suicune statuettes!!! and this is my collection of grainy vhs footage of suicune sightings!!! oh oh!!! and THIS is my suicune body pillow!!!" "gross" All of a sudden, Crystal's Pokegear starts ringing. "sorry i've got to take this" Crystal steps outside, grateful for a chance to escape. "hello" "hey crystal i almost caught a weedle!!! but then i didn't but i almost did!!!" "wow tell me more"
"yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING chuck uses fighting-type Pokémon" "hi chuck i'm here for a badge" "..." "hello?" "he can't hear you over the waterfall" "oh of course there's a waterfall inside this gym that makes a lot of sense" Crystal shuts off the waterfall using a nearby control panel. "WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN'T JUST TURN OFF MY WATERFALL" Chuck and Crystal have a heated battle, and eventually Crystal earns a badge.

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"hey you got any Pokémon medicine here the lighthouse Pokémon is sick" "what kind of sickness" "i don't know i'm not a doctor" "this is a pharmacy i'd lose my accreditation if i just handed out medicine willy-nilly to a teenager" "listen i am not in the mood right now just give me a placebo and i'll be off" "fine fine"
"yo jasmine i got you your medicine" Jasmine gives Amphy the medicine, and leaves the lighthouse. Crystal follows her to the gym. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING jasmine uses steel-type Pokémon" "as cold and uncaring as she is i bet" "hello trainer i use the CLANG steel-type" "don't do that" "s-sorry" "GO TYPHLOSION" "..." "..." "just take the damn badge"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"let me through i need to get my eighth badge so i can leave this hellhole" "i refuse to step aside for someone who does not appreciate the sublime taste of a RAGE CANDY BAR" "you'll be appreciating the sublime taste of a knuckle sandwich in a minute" Crystal's Pokegear rings. "wait sorry i've got a phone call; yellow" "my ratatta IS IN THE TOP PERCENTAGE OF RATATTA" "yeah, you go, youngster joey" Crystal hangs up her Pokegear, and begins launching a powerful punch, but is interrupted by her Pokegear ringing again. "yellow" "hey crystal it's professor elm; have you heard this new team rocket radio show? it's dope as fuck yo so much better than that whack-ass professor oak show PEACE"
Crystal returns to Goldenrod City, hoping to use the power of radio to get the RAGE CANDY BAR guy to leave. Unfortunately, Team Rocket won't let her in. Fortunately, Crystal is able to find a nearby costume shop selling Team Rocket uniforms. All is going well until Silver appears. "team rocket you stupid fucking cunts i'll kill you a-wait is that crystal?! take that shit off you look ridiculous" Silver rips Crystal's Team Rocket uniform off completely, but she was luckily wearing her actual clothes underneath it. "HELP HE'S TRYING TO RAPE ME" "now you'll see what happens when you mess with team rocket!!!" The Team Rocket grunt brutally tackles Silver, and Crystal escapes upstairs in the ruckus.

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"and that's reason number eleventeen why team rocket is the best and why team galactic fucking SUCKS" "hello director can i use your radio station for a moment" "GAH IT'S YOU AGAIN" "huh?" "i can't believe you found me, team rocket guy!!!, out" "oh you're a team rocket guy? daaaaaaaaaaamn" Crystal and the Team Rocket guy face off, and Crystal wins easily. "so can i-" "save the director?! good luck he is in the basement of the department store!!! here is the key!!!" "what"
Crystal works her way downstairs, and rescues the director. "hey director can i use your radio station to broadcast a message" "sure, if you defeat the rest of team rocket" "fine" Crystal works her way back up the radio tower to face the final Team Rocket guy. "so WE MEET AT LAST CRYST-" Crystal's phone begins to ring. "sorry i've got to take this; yellow" "hey crystal i, PICNICKER LIZ, am ready for a rematch!!! let's settle this back on route 32!!!" "oh i am SO THERE" Crystal hangs up the phone. "hey i've got a friend to meet so can we hurry this up" Crystal soundly defeats Team Rocket guy and broadcasts a message to RAGE CANDY BAR guy. "hey RAGE CANDY BARS are FUCKING AWFUL" "WHAT" "YOU HEARD ME; MEET ME HERE IN GOLDENROD CITY IF YOU DISAGREE PUNK-ASS BITCH" "oh that is IT"

CHAPTOUR FOURTEEN:
Having finally cleared RAGE CANDY BAR guy out of the way, Crystal heads east from Mahogany Town and through Ice Cave to Blackthorn City, where Clair's gym awaits. "yo C H A M P I N T H E M A K I N G this gym's got molten lava inside it so uh watch out for that" "WHAT" Crystal begins to sweat; of all the terrifying gyms she's been in, this one takes the cake. "i know i'll call youngster joey he'll know what to do" "my ratatta is in the TOP PERCENTAGE OF RATATTA" "you're right youngster joey" Filled with a newfound resolve, Crystal braves the molten lava and reaches Clair. "behold trainer; i am clair bow before my magnificence!!!" "uh no thanks" "oh you will be bowing soon enough!!! GO DRAGONAIR" "GO TYPHLOSION" Crystal's level 100 Typhlosion sweeps through Clair's team with ease. "hand over the badge" "no way dude you aren't worthy" "what but i won handily" "pfft head into the dragon's den and cast off your lazy ideals!!!" "head into the fucking molten lava and cast off your bitchy ideals lady"
Crystal heads into the Dragon's Den, and talks to the master of the dojo thing. "do you like Pokémon" "yeah" "would you hug a Pokémon" "sure" "would you fuck a Pokémon" "dear god no" "congratulations you've passed" "WHAT EVEN I HAVEN'T PASSED THE TEST" "please tell me it's not because of the last question"

CHAPTOUR FIFTEEN:
Crystal returns home to New Bark Town and surfs east to a new plot of land. "hey!!! do you know what you just did?! you just took your first steps into KANTO THE BEST REGION ON EARTH" "i did?! i'm finally out of johto?!" Crystal begins kissing the ground underneath her feet; beautiful Kantoan soil. Strutting her way through Kanto, Crystal gets out of Victory Road and ends up at the Indigo Plateau, home of the Elite Four. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING good luck" Crystal soundly defeats Will, Koga, Bruno, and Karen, and finally makes it to the champion, Lance. "wait you're the champion? i thought it was that girl green" "oh green went to go stand on a mountain or something and hasn't come back so i'm acting champion right now" "lame" "i'll show YOU LAME GO DRAGON-" Crystal's Pokegear rings. "sorry i've got to take this; yellow" "crystal i totally just caught a pidgey!!! but i released it immediately afterward" "wow riveting" "ENOUGH OF THIS; GO DRAGONITE" Crystal's level 100 Typhlosion destroys Lance's twelve Dragonites. "fine you can be champion; your Pokémon immortalised forever etc. etc."

HALL OF FAME:
Typhlosion (level 100)
Slowpoke (level 1)
Slowpoke (level 1)
Slowpoke (level 1)
Slowpoke (level 1)
Slowpoke (level 1)

CHAPTOUR SIXTEEN:
"oh it feels good to be in kanto; miles away from cunt gym leaders with shitty quests to undertake" Crystal heads into her first Kantoan gym, the Vermillion City gym. "yo LEGEND IN THE MAKING lt. surge is a crafty man and has barricaded himself away behind an electric barrier!!!" "uh isn't it his job to accept challenges" "oh, he'll accept your challenge, but only if you find the two switches hidden inside these trash cans" "WHAT" "also if you hit one switch then the next can you rummage through isn't the correct one, the switches will randomise to a new set of cans!!!" "i take it all back; gym leaders are all cunts no matter where you go" Crystal shoves a Slowpoke into each trash can until its tooth hooks on a lever, and she eventually opens up the barrier. "this slowpoke's sacrifice will be remembered" Crystal begins to munch on the Slowpoke's tail.
Crystal collects badge after uneventful badge in Kanto, defeating Lt. Surge, Sabrina, Erika, and Blaine in the process. Eventually, she makes her way to Janine's gym in Fuschia City. "yo LEGEND IN THE MAKING janine uses poison-types" "hello i am janine let us battle" Crystal battles Janine, winning handily. "JUST KIDDING I'M NOT ACTUALLY JANINE" "how DARE you deceive me like that" "sorry about that i am actually janine" Crystal battles Janine, winning handily. "HA FOOLED YOU I AM NOT JANINE" "HOW COULD YOU" "for real though, i am the real janine" "i don't trust you i have been deceived too many times for that" "no no for real no foolin" "i am not falling for it" Janine rolls her eyes as Crystal's phone rings. "yellow" "my ratatta is in the TOP PERCENTAGE OF RATATTA" "you're right youngster joey i should trust janine because even if the fakes lied to me, this might be a new friend i am denying" Crystal battles Janine, winning handily. "TRICKED YOU I'M NOT JANINE EITHER" "GODDAMMIT"

CHAPTOUR SEVENTEEN:
After uneventful fights against Misty and Brock, Crystal is finally ready to earn her sixteenth gym badge. "yo LEGEND IN THE MAKING blue doesn't actually have a specific type he uses" "WHAT that's like heresy or something!!!" Crystal steps forward, and is sent careening around the gym by locomotion panels. "cool, aren't they?! my predecessor had a whole box of them i don't know why he didn't use them though" Crystal finally reaches Blue at the end of the gym, and violently throws up on him. "i believe i understand the problem now"
Sixteen badges in hand, Crystal starts the ascent up Mt. Silver. She reaches the top without much trouble, and finds Green panicking at the summit. "DEAR GOD THANK YOU FOR COMING I'VE BEEN LOST IN THIS MOUNTAIN FOR TWO YEARS EVERY TUNNEL JUST LEADS BACK TO THE PEAK I'VE HAD TO SUBSIST ON A DIET OF LOCAL POKéMON and admittedly golduck is pretty good once you get used to the taste BUT I NEED A SLOWPOKE TAIL IT'S BEEN YEARS" "oh how serendipitous!!!" Crystal hands Green a Slowpoke, and takes one for herself, and the two new friends get to chomping.
THE END