The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread (2019)

Mission 125: I'm Hot Tonight [Jakey]
"well that's that and all the assassins are dead so i guess i'll hit the hay (that's the way that saying goes right? "hay" not "hey"? hmmm i've only heard it aloud never seen it written so i'm not entirely sure; "hay" makes more sense but since when has that stopped sayings and phrases? ah well time to sleep on it)" Jakey slams himself into his bed, only to realise that his bed is not actually there. "OW FUCK where did my bed go?!" Jakey looks around, and finds a note on the floor. "'dear jakey - how are you? i am swell but i was practicing my fire juggling on your bed and accidentally burnt it to cinders super-sorry - brooke' oh that explains it; guess i've got to get a new one" Jakey leaps out the window into The Motherfucker, and drives down to Bedz Я Us, where Taylor sits behind the counter, chewing an ancient stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "hey i'm looking for a bed" "well you've come to the right place; we've got a lot of beds; good beds, bad beds, mediocre beds, the works" "well i think i'd like a good bed, if those are my options" "good choice" Taylor leads Jakey to the most expensive bed in the store. "this is the slumbermaster 2020 - i guarantee that if you sleep for ONE NIGHT in this bed, it will rank among the top 35 sleeps you've ever had" "the top 35? i don't know there's some stiff competition there" "and one of those will definitely be forced out of the prestigous top 35, no doubt" "oh boy i'll take it" "that will be 3000$" "what the price tag says 2000$" "well it's like if you buy a snowmobile in the winter, it will be more expensive than if you buy it in the summer, because that is when you will definitely want to be using it; so since nighttime is when you'll definitely be wanting to use this bed, i'd be foolish to NOT mark up the price" "your statement is logical but it still makes me angry" Jakey angrily swipes his debit card, and purchases the SlumberMaster 2020. "can i get help loading this up" "dude all of my loading crew is at home, sleeping" "oh right" Jakey sighs and pushes the bed onto The Motherfucker's trailer, and drives for home. Jakey pushes his new bed up the stairs, as it does not fit in the elevator, and finally gets it set up inside his bedroom. "finally, it is time for a good night's sleep" Jakey lays down in his bed, and shuts his eyes. As he does this, Michelle slides out from underneath his new bed. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/'I Just Beat The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread and All I Got Was This Stupid' t-shirt/THE END]