Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Pikachu

Be sure to read the other entries in the Pokémon series first: Pokémon InfernoRed and OceanBlue, Pokémon GlitteringGold and ShimmeringSilver, Pokémon VolcanicRuby and TidalSapphire, Pokémon InfiniteDiamond and BoundlessPearl, Pokémon EternityX and OblivionY, and Pokémon BlazingSun and TranquilMoon.

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"mister brock sir another challenger" "what's she have? a bulbasaur? a squirtle, maybe?" "uh she's just got a pikachu" "a pi-" Brock's eyes light up beneath their lids, but no one can tell. "FINALLY IT IS BROCK'S TIME TO SHINE" Brock struts out to his gym leader stage, ready to face Elaine and her Pikachu. "greetings challenger; you're about a million light years away from being able to beat my rock-hard defenses with a pikachu GO ONIX" "uh-huh GO PIKACHU USE SPLISHY SPLASH" "pika!!!" Pikachu creates a puddle and splashes around in it, defeating Onix instantly. "OKAY THAT IS BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT" "can i have my badge now"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Elaine walks into the Cerulean City gym, but sees nothing but Green floating on an inflatable bed in the pool with a Milotic underwater and a Venusaur standing as lifeguard. "uh hello? is this the gym?" "go away" Green hucks a Pokéball at Elaine's head. "OW FUCK" "there's more where that came from shorty" Green winds up another throw, but Elaine slides through the door before she can release. If only Elaine had a gym friend, she could have avoided the lump on her head and headed to the replacement gym, but, unfortunately, the gym friend is only a friend to Green. He doesn't call just anybody "champ in the making", after all.

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"so let me get this straight: not only was lt. surge's gym blocked off by a tree i had to cut down, but he's also hiding being a forcefield that requires me to dig through these trash cans to find switches" "yeah that about sums it up" "sounds to me like the lieutenant is scared" "now hold on-" "it's okay mr. lt. surge; i'd be scared too if i was about to face down a REAL electric-type like pikachu here" "pika pika" "what the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little bitch?! i'll have you know i graduated top of my class in the navy spheals and i've been involved in numerous top secret raids on team rocket and i have over 300 confirmed kills i am trained in oranguru warfare and i'm the top sniper in the entire unovan armed forces you are nothing to me but just another target i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this earth mark my fucking words you think you can get away with saying that shit to me in my own gym think again fucker as we speak i am contacting my secret network of spies across the kanto region and your journey is being traced right now so you better prepare for the thirsty guards maggot the thirsty guards that wipe out the pathetic little thing you call your sanity you're fucking dead kid i can be anywhere anytime and i can kill you in over 700 ways and that's just with my bare hands not only am i extensively trained in unarmed combat but i have access to the entire arsenal of the unova marine corps and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the region if only you could have known what unholy retribution your little 'clever' comment was about to bring down upon you maybe you would have held your fucking tongue but you couldn't you didn't and now you're paying the price i will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it you're fucking dead kiddo"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"miss erika ma'am another challenger" "what's she have? a charmeleon? a pidgeotto, maybe?" "uh she's just agot a pikachu" "a pi-" Erika's eyes light up. "FINALLY IT IS ERIKA'S TIME TO SHINE" Erika struts out to her garden, ready to face Elaine and her Pikachu. "greetings challenger; this beautiful garden will mark the END of your journey!!! GO TANGELA" "uh-huh GO PIKACHU USE FLOATY FALL" "pika!!!" Pikachua leaps into the air, and falls onto Tangela, defeating it instantly. "OKAY THAT IS BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT" "can i have my badge now"

CHAPTOUR FIVE
Soon, Elaine has beaten the remaining gym leaders: Koga, Blaine, Sabrina, and even Blue. The Elite Four fall to her quickly, as well, and all that remains is champion Green. "uh the champion is currently watching her stories so you'll have to come back later" "WHAT but it's the champion's duty to accept challengers!!!" "yeah, and she does that whenever her stories aren't on" "what am i supposed to do in the meanwhile?!" "the champion's got a shopping list for you" The gym friend passes Elaine a list of the last known locations of the legendary birds. "she wants me to catch legendary Pokémon for her?!" "yeah go on" Elaine sighs and trudges back into victory road.

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"okay i'm back i have all of the birds" Elaine places three ultra balls on the table. "this took about a thousand ultra balls so you owe me 600,000 Pokémon fun bux" "yeah no" Green scans the ultra balls with her Pokédex. "let's see: moltres, zapdos, and articuno; their names seem to spell out a secret message" Green begins scribbling on a piece of paper. "i've got it!!! MOltres Zapdos ARTicuno!!! mozart could be still alive!!!" "dear arceus!!! what a discovery!!!" "SET EVERY MAN ON A SEARCH FOR MOZART; THIS IS TOP PRIORITY" "uh where should we search" "the exact centre point between the locations of the three birds of course" "that's in the middle of the ocean" "then obviously mozart is hiding in the lost city of atlantis" "wait really?!" "yeah; it's pretty obvious" "that's why you're the champion!!!" "send the men out for atlantis!!!" "yes ma'am!!!" "uh what about me" "oh yeah here you go" Green passes Elaine a five Pokémon fun bux note. "b-" "sorry no time we've got to search for mozart!!!"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Green finally returns from her search, Mozart in tow. "CAN WE HAVE OUR BATTLE NOW" "oh sure fine GO VENUSAUR" "GO PIKACHU" Green's overleveled Venusaur, hardened by years of training trying to escape Mt. Silver, completely and utterly destroys Pikachu. "WHAT but we had the power of friendship on our side!!!" "yeah but so did we so it cancels it out" "but venusaur doesn't even ride on your shoulder!!!" "he's over six feet tall and over 200 pounds" "see, now you're calling him fat" "no, i'm calling him a healthy size and weight for his species now get out of here you sore loser" Green begins hucking Pokeballs at Elaine to get her to leave.
THE END