Teh Forum RPG [Remake]

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"jesus fucking christ will this tomato famine ever fucking end" "i know right" "the annual spaghetti festival is tomorrow!!!" "what" "since when is that a thing" "it's a new thing this year" "oh" "well fuck" "hey i have an idea" "tell me it" "let's go on a QUEST" "fuck yeah i love quests" The three go on a meaningless quest.
"oh fuck while we were gone everyone we know and love has been slaughtered" "hey guess what jakey" "what" "i don't care" "you sound mad" "livid, in fact" "hey look it's a note" "0/10" "i don't see any note" "come on guys seriously this shit again" "yeah jakey stop saying that notes exist when they don't" "this is making me very angry" "i can tell" "hey look a note" "good find bran" "WHAT THE FUCK GUYS" "jakey stop being mad just because bran found evidence we can use to advance the plot" "FUCK YOU SERIOUSLY" "don't cry" "I'LL CRY IF I WANT" "the note reads: hello - svart" "SVART" "fucking svart" "goddammit svart" "wait who is svart" "just this guy" "oh" The three guys grab some sharp objects and head for the gate. "WAIT" "what" "our families wouldn't want the annual spaghetti festival to not happen" "oh right" "it's one of our proudest traditions" The three head back to their houses and cook some spaghetti. Eif smothers his in butter. Jakey carefully covers his spaghetti in vanilla frosting. Bran chops up the villagers' bodies and puts them in a special meat sauce. "why am i so hungry" The three leave the village and encounter A HARLEQUIN FOETUS CLONE
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"yo dawg" "fuck it's that guy" "what guy" "that one that only appeared for like half a chaptour in the first rpgboot" "isn't that a different canon" "it was originally but these rpgmakes are apparently bridges between the first and second rpgboots" "oh that sounds gay" "it totally is" "hello i would like to send in a formal robbing request" "you'll have to fill out the form" "oh" Jakey hands Toki some forms to fill out. "welp" Jakey dusts of his hands. "send that in, and in four-to-six weeks, you'll receive a reply via mail" "sweet thanks"
"hey can we see the king" "NO" "why not" "he's busy brooding" "TONY" Jakey runs into the castle, chased by hundreds of armed guards. Eif and Bran reluctantly follow him. "sup tony" "sup" "how'd you become king anyway" "no fucking clue" "that's cool" "hey can i try it" "i don't see why not" Tony gives Bran his crown. "sweet" "hey let's defend the city as a prank" "okay" "hey look it's taylor!!!" "who" "that guy we always ignore" "OH H-no wait doesn't ring a bell" "great" "hey look A HARLEQUIN FOETUS CLONE"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"OH FUCK I SKUN MY KNEE" "OH FUCK" "i'm not going to make it" "no don't talk li-" "no listen... tell my wife... hello" Taylor passes out. "he's still alive if we hurry we can save him" "TO THE SHERIFF" The Jakey symbol flashes on screen. "sup sheriff antony" "hey can i be a main character" "not until rpgboot x" "but isn't that a different canon" "that's a common misconception actually" "oh wow" "hey can we have some peroxide" "only if i can be a main character" "SIGH FINE but only for the rpgmakes and after that not until rpgboot x" "deal" "hey taylor we got you peroxide" Jakey pours the entire bottle on Taylor's knee. "NO FUCK I'M ALLERGIC FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" Taylor's knee heals, then swells up to twice its size. "cool!!! your kicking power has DOUBLED" "..." "..." "i'm going to die" "fuck off taylor" "no" "fuck" "hey look a cave" "sweet" "hey look it's michelle" "hello" "hello" "how do you feel" "great" "great" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS CLONE
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"fuck guys fuck" "look a harlequin foetus clone training ground" "sounds gay" "totally" The seven avoid the training ground and are stuck by a bolt of plot.
"hey hey hey it's pete townshend" "sup" "GET ON THIS BOAT BRO" Pete Townshend kicks the seven onto a boat. "that wasn't very nice" "hey look a thing" "it's destroying the boat!!!" "i don't have any ranged attacks" "me either" "wait didn't you get magic in rpgboot one" "yes but we have to regain our powers every time" "wat" "don't you fucking read" "sigh" Sheriff Antony shoots the thing, while everyone else plays strip hopscotch.
"hey we're here" "hey hey hey it's bruce dickinson" "hey look a chest" "no don't open that" "why" "it says 'Don't Open This Chest'" "pfft" Taylor opens the chest to reveal naked pictures of his mother. "FUCK" "HEY HEY" Jakey grabs the pictures and runs off. "get back here!!!" Eif peers into the chest, hoping to find more nude photos of Taylor's mother, but gets his save file deleted and is booted back to the main menu! "FUCK MY LIFE"
"hey look it's dragons representing our worst fears" "lame" "you guys aren't very cool" "TAKE THAT BACK" "no" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" The six run around screaming. "hey hey hey it's pete townshend" "oh hey" "give bruce dickinson back this queen cd" Pete Townshend hands Bran a copy of Hot Space. The six head to Bruce Dickinson's lakeside cabin and open the door, triggering the end of the level. The six involuntarily walk to the side of the screen, straight into A HARLEQUIN FOETUS CLONE
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"hey look it's amiee :3" "who" "from rpgboot ix" "wasn't she created for a one-off joke but became so popular that she had to be in everything afterward" "yeah" "this is a prequel" "fuck off" Amiee :3 releases the seven from their jail cells. "fuck yeah" "life is good" "hey it's me stevman" "sup stevman" "i'm here to, like, stop you or something" "okay" Stevman draws his sword made of cardstock. "OH SHIT" "OH FUCK" "hold me" "come on what's so bad about a sword made of car-" Sheriff Antony touches the cardstock sword, and his hand gets riddled with papercuts. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Sheriff Antony collapses to the ground. Amiee :3 walks over to Sheriff Antony, a single tear streaming down her cheek. "i'm sorry sheriff antony" Amiee :3 grabs Sheriff Antony by the not-paper cut hand, grabs his gun, and puts a bullet between his eyes. The seven remaining guys bow their head in fond remembrance of their friend.
"so what now" "well the three major villages have all been burnt to the ground so-" "wait how do you know that" "look fuck off anyway so let's hop into THIS semen truck and head for svart's lair" "sigh" The eight hop into the semen truck, where they encounter A HARLEQUIN FOETUS CLONE
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"so like" "yeah" "there are five doors" "yeah" "they're labeled 'meat grinder', 'throne room', 'advance the plot room', 'room where i keep my diary', and 'swirling vortex of infinite torment'" "i think our course of action is obvious" "fuck yeah" The eight enter the Swirling Vortex of Infinite Torment. "ow my innards" "oh god harlequin foetus clones" "no wait this means-"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"
Jakey grabs the harlequin foetus clone by the head, and drives his knee into its face, sending it staggering back. Eif backflips over the harlequin foetus clone, and stabs it in the chest. Eif kicks the harlequin foetus clone off of his sword, sending it flying through the air, where Bran kicks it higher into the air, chucking his sword into its head. Bran rolls out of the way, allowing Jakey to backflip and land on the harlequin foetus clone, pulling out the sword in its head. Jakey takes both swords and slices the harlequin foetus clone in half. "welp" "shouldn't we get some powers now" "we already got those" "but-" "fuck off" "hey look he was created by some guy called 'svart'" "could that be the same svart who burnt down the village?!" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"sup guys" "hey svart" "wanna play guitar hero iii: legends of rock" "fuck yeah" The nine friends play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, and never fight again. Then Michelle's like "take me home"
THE END