Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] VIII: A Choose-Your-Own Adventure

visits the octopus shack to see if there are any new octopi in stock

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"hey dave grohl i just got the new octopus shack flier wanna go with me" "FUCK YES" The two skip through a field of flowers and enter Octopus Shack. "hey bro i'd like some orange octopus" "we're all out" "NOT AGAIN" Emma Richardson falls to the floor, a mass of single tears forming in her left eye. "every time i try to something nothing turns out right" "it's not your fault" "how can i go on with orange octo-hey i wonder how jimmy page is doing" Emma Richardson wanders off aimlessly, while Dave Grohl stays behind to tend to the Octopus Shack's garden. "HELLO IT IS ME, MICKEY MOUSE" "fuck off mickey mouse" "NEVER" "oh hey jimmy page what's up you look different somehow" "i'm not jimmy page" "oh my GOD i can't leave you alone for FIVE MINUTES without you getting posessed or some shit"
WHAT DOES EMMA RICHARDSON DO

watches a phineas and ferb marathon with the phiseogach possessing jimmy page in order to exorcise the evils from the man who may or may not be her father but probably isn't

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"well um" Emma Richardson shuffles through her pack and finds a mini TV. "with this we ca-" Jimmy Page swats it out of her hands. "now that's just rude" "HEY IT'S ME MICKEY MOUSE" "fuck off mickey mouse" Mickey Mouse beats Jimmy Page to a bloody pulp. The Xblade breaks, causing him to explode or something. Emma Richardson gets caught in the blast. "FUCK YOU MICKEY MOUSE" Emma Richardson contorts her left hand into a gesture which prominently displays the middle finger.
"HEY GUYS WE SAVED YOU AND SHIT" "oh" Emma Richardson looks around, nervously clutching her ice cream cone. "oh yeah jimmy page's heart is gone" "so like he can't eat his ice cream" "no" "more for me" Emma Richardson grabs Jimmy Page's ice cream cone. "fuck yeah dual wielding" Emma Richardson proceeds to scarf down both ice cream cones. "but yeah like if we believe and shit his heart will return" "..." "..." "THAT is just retarded enough to work"
THE END

CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER

AND SHIT

hello my name is jimmy page and i found that i could get a cheaper deal for my car insurance by using direct line

JIMMY PAGE:
CHAPTOUR ONE:
"hey so like nigel tufnel and emma richardson you are totally gonna become KEYBLADE MASTERS" "oh dear" "fuck yeah" "it's okay guys i'll just watch" Jimmy Page sits in the corner, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Master Eric Clapton summons a bunch of light orbs. "hey i have a funny idea" Master Matt Bellamy infuses the orbs with DARKNESS "oh shit i'll help" Jimmy Page draws his keyblade. "no stop you're too young!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" Jimmy Page, Emma Richardson and Nigel Tufnel defeat the orbs. "gee" "okay now you two fight" "fuck yeah" "no jimmy page fuck off no one likes you" "FUCK YOU I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW I CAN DO WHAT I WANT" Emma Richardson and Nigel Tufnel fight and shit. "oh shit darkness go away darkness shoo not now i promise after class" They fight some more. "stop bros emma richardson you're totally a master now" "sweet" "but you, nigel tufnel, are a disgrace you and your darkness shit fuck you man" "fuck"
Jimmy Page heads back to his room, dejected. "so hey it's me brad whitford" "fuck off brad whitford" "hey nigel tufnel's leaving forever soon and if you don't see him now he'll change forever" "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT" "totally"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

quickly grabs nigel tufnel and drags him through the desert towards auroraagrabah while fleeing the darkness and singing walkin' on sunshine

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Jimmy Page puts on his "draggin' Nigel Tufnel to Agrabah" pants and heads outside. "well um" "NIGEL TUFNEL I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING" Jimmy Page runs up to Nigel Tufnel, who proceeds to blast off into SPACE. "... shit" "WOOH OH YEAH WOOH" "what do i do now" Jimmy Page sits on the ledge, a single tear streaming down his face. "OH YEAH" Jimmy Page blasts off into SPACE. "this is only kind of fun!!!"
"HEY BRO GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR MINE" "but i" "oh bro he doesn't mean it you can stay bro" "um thanks" "yeah stay for good bro" "okay" "achoo bro" "well um bless you and shit" "ow why does it hurt when i hit myself with a wrench bro" "GOOFY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED T-... um sorry i don't know where that came from" "time for bed bro!!!" "sweet!!!" The eight head to the cabin. "well i've got to go search for clues!!!" "do hurry back and shit" "help and shit" "a damsel?! IN DISTRESS?! sounds boring"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

breaks the fourth wall

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"so what do you guys think" "we already voted!!!" "only silver voted and he can't vote for shit!!!" "well um rescue the damsel or something" "great idea!!!" Jimmy Page runs up to the damsel. "i, JIMMY PAGE, will lead you through this foreboding forest" "wow it is rather foreboding" "more like foreboring" "ouch" The two run through the forest, running away from trees. "WELL MY WORK HERE IS DONE" "but you di-" "MY WORK HERE IS DONE" "wait you're supposed to learn that nigel tufnel is an asshole!!!" "i already knew that!!!" Jimmy Page blasts off.
"hey bro i need a dress" "WHY ARE YOU GIGANTIC" "sup" "oh hey mouse dude" "hey" "let's make a motherfucking dress!!!" Jimmy Page and Jaq walk over to the living room and gather thread, scissors and a giant cat. "hey what do we need this giant cat for" "what giant cat" "..." "..." "FUCK GET IT OFF" "HELP ME JIMMY PAGE" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

accepts the invitation to join the super-duper-totally-not-secretly-evil organisation and helps out Project totally-not-a-secret-attempt-to-blow-up-the-earth-and-definitely-just-building-a-homeless-shelter

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"fine god" Jimmy Page smacks the giant cat around a bit. "i hate mondays" "it's saturday" "oh" The giant cat sweats. "well this is embarassing" Jaq and Jimmy Page us the giant cat's embarassment to escape. "well we made you a dress time for me to leave forever" "sounds good" Jimmy Page leaves forever.
"hey bro nigel tufnel is evil!!!" "NO HE ISN'T FAG" "yes he is bro" "hey guys what's going on in here" "oh hello emma richardson" "hello jimmy page" "hey emma richardson nigel tufnel took out a girl's heart" "oh nice job nigel tufnel" "HEY GUESS WHAT" "WHAT" Emma Richardson falls into the dungeon. Maleficent walks off nonchalantly and Jimmy Page runs off. "IT'S LIKE A FUCKING MAZE WHAT AM I DOING" Jimmy Page blasts off into space in frustration. "hey bro i'm going to kill you" "fuck off brad whitford" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

strangle himself with brad whitford's intestines, followed by planting the bomb on the innocent

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"hey bro can i see your intestines for a minute" "oh sure" Brad Whitford gives Jimmy Page his intestine rope, which Jimmy Page uses to strangle himself. "HEY BRO IT'S ME MICKEY MOUSE" "FUCK OFF MICKEY MOUSE" "NO U" "NO ME" Mickey Mouse grabs Jimmy Page and makes sure he's alive. "oh good" Mickey Mouse blasts the fuck off and Brad Whitford leaves in confusion. "WELL TIME TO GO" Jimmy Page blasts off.
"hey bro have some lifetime passes to disneyland" "wow" "HEY YOU" "who me" "YEAH YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE FOR SOME LIGHT READING" "sounds good" Jimmy Page dons his huge black-framed reading glasses and leaps through the window. "aw yeah" Jimmy Page whips out his copy of The Official Autobiography of David Boogie: Boogie All Night Long for. "hmm yes" "well um i had a special book for you to read" "oh" Jimmy Page quietly puts away The Official Autobiography of David Boogie: Boogie All Night Long for. "here it is motherfucker" Merlin tosses Jimmy Page a copy of Winnie the Pooh: The Official Novelisation of the Film. "oh boy" Jimmy Page grabs the copy of Winnie the Pooh: The Official Novelisation of the Film, and dives into it headfirst. "AW YEAH" Jimmy Page looks around. "gee" Jimmy Page exits Winnie the Pooh: The Official Novelisation of the Film. "well that sucked" "YOUR POWERS HAVE AWAKENED BRO" "gee" "hello" "hello" "hello" Nigel Tufnel, Jimmy Page and Emma Richardson defeat a huge guard armour rip-off. "how original" "hey guys have these lifetime passes to disney town" "JIMMY PAGE GO HOME ALSO YOU NIGEL TUFNEL YOUR DARKNESS IS LAME GET RID OF IT" "I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO" Jimmy Page runs off. "I AM ALSO RUNNING OFF" Nigel Tufnel runs off. "sigh" Jimmy Page runs over to the internet and plants a bomb. "oh hi nigel tufnel ho-" Nigel Tufnel blasts off forever. "FUCK" "hey i'm brian muldoon" "i'm sebastian bach we were leaving" "yo bro fight me" Brian Muldoon throws frisbees at Jimmy Page. "ow quit it" Jimmy Page beats Brian Muldoon to a bloody pulp. "NOW WE'RE BEST FRIENDS" "gee"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK
FUCK

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" Jimmy Page blasts off. "BRO our ice cream maker doesn't work!!!" "this sounds like a job for!!!" Dramatic background change, everyone shakes their head in exhaustion. "CAPTAIN JUSTICE" "sigh" "it's just like a tv" Captain Justice begins PUNCHING THE SHIT OUT OF THE ICE CREAM MAKER. "stop!!!" "you'll break it!!!" "JUSTICE STOPS FOR NO MAN" Captain Justice continues beating the shit out of the ice cream maker. "it works!!!" "hoora!!!" Captain Justice wanders off aimlessly and Jimmy Page mans the ice cream cannon. "OKAY we need to make a HUGE ice cream cone to the beat of through the fire and the flames" "OKAY" Jimmy Page fails several times before finally making a fifty-foot ice cream cone. "how do i eat this!!!" "i'm voting for jimmy page for president!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" Jimmy Page blasts off as Huey Lewis and Dewey beat the living shit out of eachother.
"i want to be an hero!!!" "same" "i couldn't care less!!!" "I CAN ONLY TRAIN ONE GUY" "fuck" "fuck" "well i'm ZACK FAIR" "i'm HERCULES" "i'm JIMMY PAGE" "fuck off jimmy page" "sigh"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

wake up and it was all a dream and something 10000000000000x worse is happening BUT IT'S OKAY because people are not being mean to him

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Jimmy Page wakes up in a cold sweat. "phew it was just a dream" "JIMMY PAGE UNVERSED ARE ATTACKING AND SHIT" "at least people aren't being mean to me!!!" Jimmy Page slaughters the unversed. "thanks bro!!!" "you should enter the games!!!" Zack Fair does SQUATS. "if only squall were here" "MY NAME IS LEON" "WELL BYE" Jimmy Page leaves forever while Squall throws a tantrum.
"NIGEL TUFNEL EMMA RICHARDSON JIMMY PAGE" "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME FAGGOT" Experiment 626 runs away through VENTS. Jimmy Page scans the room, finding an orange-tinted vent. "all right" Jimmy Page crawls through the vents and gets a 200 xp EXPLORER bonus. "shit yeah" "hello" "hello" A giant jellyfish thing attacks Jimmy Page and Experiment 626. "gee" The two defeat it swiftly. "FRIENDS" "so no one told you life was gonna be this way" "your job's a joke you're broke your lovelife's doa" "seems like you're always stuck in second gear" "but when it hasn't been your day your week your month or even your year bro" "i'll be there for" "HEY IT'S ME GANTU" "fuck"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

chorus line, kicking

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"i'll be there for you these five words i swear to you" "..." "..." "sigh" Jimmy Page begins kicking Gantu in the shins. "ow what is this for" "IT'S A CHORUS LINE FAGGOT" "ow ow quit it" Jimmy Page is hurtled off into space. "what the fuck"
"hey it's me peter pan!!!" "hello" "let's get some treasure!!!" "okay!!!" They get some treasure. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT" "gold doubloons!!!" "fuck this" Peter Pan casts the doubloons into the ocean, leaving just the chest. "..." "..." "WHAT THE FUCK" "money doesn't matter!!! despite what that codfisherous codfish captain codfish would codfish you, codfish doesn't codfish codfish codfish codfish codfish" "that is exactly what i'd expect from a disney movie however in the real world money is the key to not dying" "..." "..." Peter Pan smacks Jimmy Page upside the head. "LIKE I SAID CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH" "dude i'm not budging money is the key to everything" "THIS IS A KID'S GAME CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH" "oh so we're supposed to teach kids that life doesn't work the way it does" "..." "..." "YES" Jimmy Page smacks Peter Pan upside the head. "ANYWAY we should totally put things important to us in here" "um that's why i have a safe deposit box in madagascar" "..." "see if anyone so much as sneezes in brazil the entire country shuts down ensuring the safety of my shit" "..." "..." Peter Pan smacks Jimmy Page upside the head. "DO IT OR THERE WILL BE A TIME PARADOX YOU CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

cause a goddamn time paradox

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"i'll take my chances" "YOU'LL REGRET THIS YOU CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH CODFISH" Jimmy Page walks off as time distorts around him. "gee" Eventually, there is nothing but Jimmy Page in a featureless white void. "what there are totally features" Jimmy Page lifts a blue square, which floats off and disintegrates. "finally a nice relaxing place where i can be" Jimmy Page smiles. "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" Jimmy Page runs through the featureless white void. "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "alone" "FUCK IT" Jimmy Page goes back to Peter Pan's chest and deposits his 5,000,000,000 euro keyblade replica. "and for storage that will cost you... 5000000000 codfish codfish codfish" "WHAT" "sorry but those are the codfish codfish codfish"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

pay the man!!!

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"fine fucking hell" Jimmy Page chucks a 5,000,000,000 euro bill at Peter Pan. "thanks codfish" Jimmy Page is then teleported away. "what the fuck where am i" "HEY BRO" "fuck off brad whitford" "but i am you!!!" "that makes no sense in context!!!" "fuck you" Brad Whitford clears his throat. "so like master matt bellamy split you IN HALF you're the light half i'm the dark half" "go on" "we have to fight so we can start a keyblade war" "i'll pass" "COME TO THE KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD AND FIGHT ME FAG" "NO U" "NO ME" Jimmy Page sweats. "i politely decline" "if you don't i will kill emma richardson and nigel tufnel" "go ahead" "..." "..." "COME ON DON'T BE LAME" "i'll be lame if i want to" "YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE" Brad Whitford storms off and Jimmy Page teleports away again. "HEY IS IT TIME FOR MY CAMEO YET" "fuck off donald" "GAWRSH YOU TOTALLY SHOULDN'T TALK TO DONALD THAT WAY" "I KNOW KUNG-FU" "wat" Donald Duck does some poses. "gee" "also you should totally go to the keyblade graveyard" "why" "if you don't there will be a time paradox!!!" "FUCK MY LIFE" "this is what you get for starring in a prequel"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO