Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] X

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"IT'S TIME TO VISIT GRANNY'S HOUSE BITCHES" "what" "granny keeps calling me and breathing heavily into the phone and it is not very polite so i'm going to give her a piece of my mind" "why do we have to go" "i can't give people a piece of my mind without my POSSE" "..." "..." "that's... pretty gay, eif" "IS NOT I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND" "0/10" "IT'S TRUE THERE IS MUCH SNUGGLING" "..." "..." "yeah he's gay" "let's go" Jakey, Bran, Taylor, Amiee :3, Michelle, and Tony walk off. "WAIT GRANNY'S BAKING COOKIES" "..." "..." "fuck" They all turn around and head to Granny's house.
"sup granny" "NIGGA PLEASE it's graniee :3" "nigga what's up" Graniee :3 and Amiee :3 brofist. "well graniee :3 i just ca-" "NIGGA I KNOW WHY Y'ALL HERE" "u-um we-" "IT'S MOFUCKIN TIME FO SOME MOFUCKIN COOKIEE :3S NIGGAS" "all right!!!" "sweet" "my mouth is cumming" "i cannot contain all of this mouth-cum" Graniee :3 brings out the tray of cookiee :3s. "FUCK YEAH" Jakey reaches for a cookiee :3, but Graniee :3 smacks his hand. "NIGGA I KNOW YALL AINT TRYIN TO EAT BEFO SAYIN GRACE" "i don't believe in god" Graniee :3 smacks Jakey upside the head. "NIGGA I KNOW YOU AINT DISRESPECTIN THE LORD IN MY PRESENCE" "there is no evidence to suggest the existence of a 'lord'" "NIGGA YOU BEST BE FUCKIN WITH ME" "in fact the only 'proof' any of you have is a book, and books are made by men" "NIGGA IM WARNIN YALL" "all it is is faith" Jakey tips the brim of his fedora. "and i refuse to bend over backwards to 'respect' something i don't have any evidence of existing" "NIGGA THAT IS IT" Graniee :3 grabs the underside of the table and throws it up. Jakey leaps out of his chair and backflips over it. "further, all organised religion serves to do is tear people apart and cause wars" "NIGGA I WILL NOT HESITATE TO BREAK YALL IN HALF" Jakey smirks. "quod erat demonstrandum" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH" Graniee :3 charges at Jakey, who slides underneath her legs. Michelle, Amiee :3, Bran, Eif, Tony, and Taylor eat some cookiee :3s. Jakey snaps off a leg of the overturned table and breaks it against the back of Graniee :3's head, which only serves to further enrage her. "HEY GUYS WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS ROOM" Sheriff Antony bursts in, twirling his revolvers. "sheriff antony!!!" Michelle and Amiee :3 swoon. Sheriff Antony winks, sits down, and grabs some cookiee :3s. "so guys i was wondering can i be a main character" "well jakey's probably going to die here so yeah welcome aboard" "sweet" Jakey grabs Graniee :3's shotgun from the wall and blasts her in the chest three times. Graniee :3 shrugs off the bullets and grabs her kitting needles. "WHEN I FINISH KNITTING THIS SCARF NIGGA YOUR LIFE WILL BE FORFEIT AND SHIT" Graniee :3 furiously begins knitting. "uh-oh" "PLACE YOUR BETS" "PUT IT ALL ON GRANIEE :3" "i'll bet on jakey" "wat" "if he actually wins i'll be RICH" "you're more likely to find a unicorn" "fuck fuck fuck what do i do what do i- GOT IT" Jakey grabs Graniee :3's prized tea kettle and holds the shotgun to it. "STOP OR I'LL SHOOT" "NOOOOOOOOOOO NIGGA NOT MY TEA KETTLE" "it seems we're at an impasse" A tumbleweed rolls by. "shit i have to get that thing on a leash" Jakey and Graniee :3 scowl at eachother. "nigga yall wouldnt dare destroy my tea kettle" "try me" Graniee :3 makes another stitch on the scarf, and Jakey pulls the trigger. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Graniee :3 falls to the ground, all of her life draining, before finally becoming an unrecognisable pile of ash. "DUDE THAT WAS MY GRANDMOTHER AND A PRICELESS FAMILY HEIRLOOM" "I HAD NO CHOICE" "YOU HAD A FUCKING CHOICE YOU COULD HAVE DIED" "YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU, GETTING THE MAIN CHARACTER SLOT" "IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT" "IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THAT" Jakey and Eif spin 180 and cross their arms. "but it's not all bad" "my grandmother is dea-" "SHERIFF ANTONY'S A MAIN CHARACTER BITCHES" Sheriff Antony spins 360 and gives everyone the pistol-fingers. "swoon" "swoon" Amiee :3 and Michelle both faint. Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Parcheesi. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"IT'S TIME TO DO SOME HOMEWORK BITCHES" "woah deja vu" "i have to do all my homework from now until the end of the year or i will fail the class" "what class" "herbology" "man fuck herbology" "GASP" "GASP" "GASP" "GASP" "GASP" "GASP" "GASP" "GASP" "wait why did you gasp" "i didn't gasp i said gasp loudly" "but why did you do it" "it felt appropriate somehow" "oh i see" Michelle checks her watch. "well see ya" "bye" "good night" "it's four o'clock in the afternoon" "so" "..." "..." "good point" "well bye" "'night" Jakey turns the key to enter his room and encounters A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Monopoly. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Bran runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job bran" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"IT'S TIME TO GET A WHITE COLLAR JOB BITCHES" "seriously why are you doing that" "the repo men are reposessing my stuff" "i don't see why this is a problem" "i like my stuff" "it's always about you isn't it" "wait amiee :3 i" "no eif you missed your chance" Amiee :3 quietly walks off into the night, a single tear streaming down her cheek, for she knows she can never see Eif again. "i hope it was worth it" "yeah it was" "okay" "anyway yeah time for work" Eif puts on his shirt and tie, and grabs his briefcase. "TIME FOR WORK" Eif walks to work at the office.
"eif you are late" "i'm sorry mistour jakey bu-" Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. Jakey slaps Eif upside the head. Eif slaps Jakey upside the head. "well lunch time" Jakey grabs his coffee and dumps it into a plant, and moseys to the cafeteria, whistling badly. Eif walks to his desk and boots up his computer. "wait... this isn't my computer" Eif rips off a white sticker to reveal that he is actually using... A MAC. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Eif runs to the cafeteria with his computer and smashes it onto the desk in front of Jakey. "WHAT IS THIS" "a mac" "..." "..." "well yeah but" "get back to work" "fine" Eif grumbles and walks off. Jakey rests his feet on the discarded Mac, sipping from his Washington Post smoothie. Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Risk. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Taylor runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job taylor" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"IT'S TIME TO GET A BLUE COLLAR JOB BITCHES" "i don't see why you have to yell" "FOR EMPHASIS" "sigh" Amiee :3 rolls her eyes and turns the page of her newspaper. "if i come home without a paycheck my wife will kill me" "i'm rooting for you" Amiee :3 rolls her eyes and clenches her fist in the air for Eif to see as he puts on his white wifebeater and puts on his hardhat. "WELL BYE" Eif whistles as he swings his lunch pail and heads to work.
"eif you are late" "i'm sorry mistour jakey bu-" Jakey suddenly grabs Eif and locks him in a tender embrace, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "don't ever change" Jakey runs his hand through Eif's hair before finally letting him go. "BIG DAY TODAY" "you said it jakey" Eif whistles as he heads to his truck. "bran you are late" "i'm sorry mistour jakey bu-" Jakey suddenly grabs Bran and locks him in a tender embrace, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "don't ever change" Jakey runs his hand through Bran's hair before finally letting him go. "oh hey michelle you're on time today" "yes mistour jakey i-" Jakey glares at Michelle. "you are a cancer in the heart of this company" Michelle reels back in shock, a single tear syreaming down her cheek. "WELL LUNCH TIME" Jakey grabs his coffee and dumps it into a plant, and moseys to the cafeteria, whistling badly. Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Four Square. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Eif runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job eif" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"IT'S TIME TO MAIL A LETTER BITCHES" "seriously can you do anything by yourself" "not really" "oh" Eif, Jakey, Taylor, Tony, Bran, Amiee :3, Sheriff Antony, and Michelle head to the post office. "hello what can i do for you today" "we'd like to mail this letter" "all eight of you?" "obviously" Eif rolls his eyes. "can you believe this bitch" "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME" "a bitch" "..." "..." "well yeah but" The post offitarian rips off her shirt. "STOP OBJECTIFYING YOURSELF" "NEVER" The post offitarian runs up the back wall and launches a flying kick at Eif, who dodges it soundly. The post offitarian continues flying through the air, and knocks Jakey into a stack of boxes. "ow" "jakey!!!" "who" "that guy who follows us around everywhere" "oh let's ditch him" "sounds good" Eif, Bran, Taylor, Tony, Amiee :3, Michelle, and Sheriff Antony leave.
"ow my head" "i'm glad you came to, mistour jakey" "what the fuck" Jakey finds himself strapped to a chair. "tell me the nuclear launch codes" "i'd rather not" "oh" The post offitarian sweats. "please?" "nah" "goddammit foiled again" The post offitarian storms off. "welp" Jakey checks his watch and whistles badly. "i was born under a bad sign" "fuck not again" "left out in the cold" "hey it's me" "fuck off eif you're not that cool" "okay" Eif fucks off. "a hard lovin' woman like you" "sigh" Jakey sits, tied to his chair for five hours. "a fool for your lovin' no moooooore" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Basketball. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Tony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job tony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"IT'S TIME TO GO TO THE FAMILY REUNION BITCHES" "okay whose" "yours" "I HAVE NO FAMILY" Jakey runs off, crying. "what's his problem" "last time there was a family reunion jakey mistook his cousin margaret for his girlfriend margaret" "oh wow" "they had sex in a portable toilet" "oh that sounds nice" "his girlfriend margaret walked in on him and he took it pretty hard" "how hard on a scale of one-to-ten" "eight-point-five" "ouch" "well anyway" "TO THE REUNION" The Eif symbol flashes on the screen. "okay here we are" "hey margaret" "oh hey michelle where is jakey" "crying in a non-portable toilet" "oh cool" Margaret sips her Diet Sprite. "so how do you feel" "decent as fuck" "that's rather decent" "decent" Michelle and Margaret nod back and forth as a bush runs across the reunion. "hey look a moving bush" "i think that's jakey" "jakey isn't a bush" "good point" Michelle cups her hand over her chin. "let's follow it" "that's kind of rude isn't it" "yes but so is running through a family reunion without saying hello" "good point" Eif, Michelle, Margaret, and Amiee :3 follow the bush. "you guys are so rude" "look who's talking, talking plant" "touche" "oh hey guys wha-OH MY GOD A WALKING PLANT" "i have a name!!!" "so do i but you don't see me bragging" "jakey why are you here" "it isn't a family reunion without JAKEY" "it was coming along rather well i think" "i agree" "hey jakey look it's a portable toilet" Jakey instantly leaps into the talking bush. "OW" "fuck off talking bush" The talking bush walks off without a word, spilling Jakey onto the ground. "fuck" "HEY LOOK EVERYONE IT'S JAKEY" The crowd surrounds Jakey and glares at him. "sigh" Margaret enters the centre of the crowd. "hello, margaret" "fuck off margaret" "no margaret" "yes margaret" Margaret glares at Margaret. Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Pole-Vaulting. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Amiee :3 runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of pastry. Pastry shoots from Amiee :3's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job amiee :3" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"IT'S TIME TO UPROOT THE OPRESSIVE POLITICAL ESTABLISHMENT BITCHES" "but i am the king" "I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU" "i see no bones" "IT IS A FIGURE OF SPEECH" "well you can uproot all you'd like but i will remain planted" "TAYLOR USE YOUR GRASS POWERS" "we go over this every week" "i hate you so much" "thanks" "well i guess you all leave me no choice but to CEDE FROM THE UNION" "okay have fun" "come on guys back me up" "i'd rather not" "wat" "alabama is super-great" "come on i have great ideas for a neat nation" "okay what will you name it" "john" "..." "..." "fuck it i'm sold" "yeah me too" The seven run off to form a new nation when A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Jacks. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Michelle runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of light. Light shoots from Michelle's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job michelle" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"IT'S TIME TO EAT SOME BACON BITCHES" "oh boy" "i love bacon" "i wish i had bacon powers" "you chose pastry you don't get to complain" "sigh" Michelle serves the bacon. "jesus fuck i can't wait" Jakey takes a bite into the bacon. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THIS BACON" "wat" "IT IS FAR TOO CRISPY" "0/10" "seriously this isn't even fucking bacon any more" Jakey crumbles the bacon in his bare hands. "it's fucking bacon bits" "there is not such thing as too-crispy bacon" "5/10" "not even trolling" "bacon needs to be chewy so that the flavours remain intact" "it needs to be crispy so that it fits better into omlettes!!!" "WE AREN'T EATING OMLETTES" "you sound mad" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Jakey grabs the tray of bacon and flushes it down the toilet. "WHAT THE FUCK" "jakey you can't be our friend any more" "why would i want to be friends with people who RUIN BACON" Jakey storms out of the house, anger boiling over. As he exits the house, he knocks over Amiee :3's favourite vase. "OH FUCK MY VASE" Amiee :3 runs to the foyer to mourn the loss of her priceless ming vase. "okay guys how do we retrieve the bacon" "lightbulb" Eif flushes himself down the toilet. "OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THE BACON" Eif begins chomping away when A HARLEQUIN FOETUS ALLIGATOR
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Pong. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Sheriff Antony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of imagination. Imagination shoots from Sheriff Antony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job sheriff antony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"IT'S TIME TO GO HOME BITCHES" "but you can't" "why not" "you just can't" "says who" "they" "I DO NOT CARE FOR INTANGIBLE PEOPLE" "woah calm down" "yeah no need to get angry" "I AM LIVID" "livid" "after midnight" "butthurt" "to the door" "crying" "'til the morning" "you're mad" "you're mad" "fuck you all i'm going home" "good luck" Eif walks ten miles to his parents' house. "okay i'm here see i can g-" Eif walks into an invisible wall. "wat" Eif keeps bumping into the invisible wall from every angle around the house. "THEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Eif drops to the floor in defeat. "oh hey check it out we were right" "fuck yeah" Jakey and Michelle perform an aerial high-five. "hey i hear eif's mummy is baking cookies" "sweet" Jakey and Michelle enter Eif's parents' house for cookies. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "put a shirt on son" Eif's father chucks him a new shirt. "thanks" Eif puts on the nice new shirt. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "put a shirt on son" Eif's father chucks him a new shirt. "thanks" Eif puts on the nice new shirt. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "put a shirt on son" Eif's father chucks him a new shirt. "thanks" Eif puts on the nice new shirt. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "put a shirt on son" Eif's father chucks him a new shirt. "thanks" Eif puts on the nice new shirt. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "put a shirt on son" Eif's father chucks him a new shirt. "thanks" Eif puts on the nice new shirt. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "put a shirt on son" Eif's father chucks him a new shirt. "thanks" Eif puts on the nice new shirt. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "put a shirt on son" Eif's father chucks him a new shirt. "thanks" Eif puts on the nice new shirt. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eif looks to the sky and tears his shirt. "FUCK YOU SON" Eif's father runs into the bathroom, crying. Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Pac-Man. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Fraibel runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of it. It shoots from Fraibel's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job fraibel" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"IT'S TIME TO GO TO THAT FACTORY TO RECEIVE OUR LEGENDARY WEAPONS BITCHES" "but we do that every rpgboot" "not iv and viii" "but those sucked" "good point" "and anyway my shelves are full of legendary weapons" "i barely have room for my newt gingrich 2012 collector's plates" "and my mitt romney 2012 collector's plates" "FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME YOUR GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING MITT ROMNEY COLLECTOR'S PLATES ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS LIKE THE FUCKING CUNT PICTURED ON THEM" "dancing is my life" "fuck i read that in his voice" "..." "..." "stop breaking the fourth wall" "NEVER" "anyway it's time to wander aimlessly" "my favourite time of the rpgboot" The eight run straight into a giant plant. "woah deja vu" "taylor use your grass powers!!!" "i have wind powers" "oh right but surely amiee :3 has grass powers" "no because you guys said i should have pastry powe-" "THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOUR LACK OF FORESIGHT" The giant plant devours the seven intrepid adventurers, as well as Jakey. "welp" "guys i have an idea" "if it involves using fire, eifion, i swear to fucking god" "um... no..." Eif sweeps aside a box of matches with his foot. "guys i have an idea" "i'm listening" "fucking ICE" "brilliant; run with it" "okay" Bran runs to the other end of the plant, ice cube in hand. "..." "..." "that is not what i had in mind" "but i can only ascertain what you have in mouth" "..." "..." "shut up" Bran blasts his way out of the giant planet. "so wait; all these years we've been getting sucked into the cold vacuum of space because of a typo" "fuck off you try writing better" "sigh" Suddenly, someone changes the bag! "oh i get it; vacuum as in vacuum cleaner" "it is a pun" "a shitty pun" "TAKE THAT BACK YOU YOU YOU NOT THAT COOL GUY" "TAKE THAT BACK" "NOT UNTIL YOU TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID THREE LINES AGO" "NEVER" "well then it seems we are at an impasse" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jeffrey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of it. It shoots from Jeffrey's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jeffrey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"IT'S TIME FOR SOME MORE BAD COPYING AND PASTING BITCHES" "but we haven't copy/pasted ANYTHING from previous rpgboots yet" "hmm" Eif rubs his chin. "oh look it's ron paul" "oh fuck i love ron paul" "RON PAUL CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH" "i do not have any autograph cards" "YOU ARE THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU FUCKING CUNT I FUCKING HATE YOU" "thanks" "OH NO IT IS TIME FOR MORTAL COMBAT" Sheriff Antony draws his sword. Ron Paul sighs and draws his sword as well.
Ron Paul slides towards Sheriff Antony and hacks his legs off at the feet. "ow" "well bye" Ron Paul hookshots up to the roof. "what an amazing man" "he didn't have any autograph cards!!!" "WHAT HOW DARE HE NOT PURCHASE ITEMS TO CARRY IN THE OFF-CHANCE THAT SOMEONE HE WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN WANTS AN AUTOGRAPH" "i know right" "i must speak to president obama at once" "hello" "hello mistour president did you know that ron paul doesn't carry autograph cards" "THE CUNT" "i know right"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"IT'S TIME FOR FONDUE BITCHES" "but i got killed with fondue once" "yes and that was the best rpgboot" "not for me" "fuck off sheriff antony" "yeah you're not very cool" "take that back!!!" "okay yeah that was a bit harsh" "can you forgive me sheriff antony" "okay just this once" "yayyyyyy" "hello welcome to mcdonalds may i take your order" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "that will be $100000000000000000000000000000 at the next window" "sounds good" "HERE YOU GO SIRS" "i'm a girl" "so am i" "oh i hadn't noticed" "..." "..." "HELLO WHAT ARE THESE" Amiee :3 rips off her shirt. "oh sorry we don't serve camels here" "..." "..." "i... what" Amiee :3 slinks back into her seat, defeated, and stirs her fondue glumly. "ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT" "n-no" "YOINK" Jakey rips the fondue out of Amiee :3's hands and wolfs the fuck out of it. "so where's the token villain" "oh there he is" The eight drive by the token villain and flip him off, staring grimly. "well problem solved" "who's up for pool" "i fucking love pool!!!"

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"IT'S TIME FOR THE SAME ENDING AS ALWAYS BITCHES" "..." "..." "FUCK" "welp" "that's it, rpgboot is over" "i'm so sorry" "sorry doesn't cut it" The actors leave the set in shame. "what have i done" Eif turns and heads to the janitor's closet, head held in shame. "goodbye... cruel world" Eif hits himself over the head with a mop repeatedly. "ow" "lo all" Stevman does a kneeslide onto the set, shredding the shreddiest solo ever heard by mortal ears. "..." "..." "okay rpgboot's not over any more" "ow" "eif you can stop hitting yourself with that mop" "must atone for sins" "take me home" "NO MICHELLE IT IS TIME YOU LEARNED WHERE HOME IS" "but then my catchphrase would be meaningless" "we survive just fine without catchphrases!!!" "YOU HAVE NO SOULS" Michelle turns and heads for home. "where do i live" "sigh" Jakey and Michelle head home. "where's og loc when you need him"
THE END