Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] XII

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"guys i got this awesome board game" "ooh ooh is it monopoly" "no you see this game causes all kinds of crazy shit to happen in real life depending on how the game goes" "you got jumanji?!" "um no it was like £140" "why are you so poor" "THAT'S LIKE TEN BILLION ALABAMA FUN BUX TAYLOR" "wait if it's not jumanji..." "FUCK NO I AM NOT PLAYING ZATHURA" "come on don't be lame" "NO I REFUSE TO PLAY SHITTY CHINESE KNOCKOFFS" "pussy" "yes you are" "can i play" "okay" Jakey and Michelle play Zathura. "guys check this out" The house is transported to space. "FUCK YOU JAKEY" "fuck my life" "oh my god spacemen" "oh fuck a me from the future" "GUYS THIS IS AWESOME" "0/10" "it looks really shitty" "fuck off eif" "no" "fuck" Jakey lands on a green space, summoning A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Duel Academy. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"happy happy birthday to you" "happy happy birthday to eif" "happy happy birthday to eif" "happy happy happy birthday forever" "gee thanks" "here is some ice cream" "oh fuck i love ice cream" "actually you don't" "wat" "your character has been retconned to hate ice cream" "but it is my favourite" "no, canonically, your favourite is eggs benedict" "yuck" "STOP ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER" "i'm not" "eif i know this is hard for you to swallow but this is rpgboot twelve, not rpgboot eleven" "well maybe i liked rpgboot eleven better" "gasp" "gasp" "gasp" "i guess we know what must be done" The curtain falls, and Jakey walks out. "the part of 'eif' will now be played by samuel l. jackson" "we can't afford that" "it's okay" Jakey pulls out a haphazardly-constructed papier mache doll of Samuel L. Jackson. "i got this" "so eif how do you like your ice cream" "you know i fucking hate motherfucking ice cream" "but it's your birthday" "exactly motherfucker why do i have to put up with this shit i mean you like cake so you niggas get cake for your birthday what's a nigga got to do to get some motherfucking eggs benedict" "good question" "let's ask my latest invention: the 'what's a nigga got to do' machine" "how does it work" "you speak into this microphone and ask your question" "ahem: WHAT'S A NIGGA GOT TO DO TO GET SOME MOTHERFUCKING EGGS BENEDICT" "step one: buy eggs; step two: prepare eggs" "gee" "shit i never thought of that" "how are we going to get eggs at this time of year" "i guess we'll have to harvest them from A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Ring-Around-the-Rosie. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Bran runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job bran" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"guys check out this cat video on the internet" "CAT VIDEO ON THE INTERNET?!" Jakey rushes to the computerbox. "I FUCKING LOVE CAT VIDEO ON THE INTERNETS" Halfway through the cat video on the internet, the internet loses connection. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "WHY" "guys president CAW decided to destroy the internet" "WHAT" "why did i ever vote for that guy" "you didn't" "what" "you voted for mitt romney" "who" "good point" "WE MUST MARCH ON MONTGOMMERY D.C." "way ahead of you" Jakey drives the marching parade out of the carhole. "WAIT FOR ME" "no" "fuck" "PRESIDENT CAW WHY DID YOU DO IT" "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" Jakey rushes at President CAW, and grabs his throat. "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" President CAW gasps for air. "... caw" President CAW falls to the ground, dead. "jakey do you know what you've done" "i killed the president of alabama" "yes and because of it you BECOME president of alabama" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Jakey falls to his knees. "wait, isn't that a good thing" "yes" "hey guys i'm reinstating the internet" "yay" "but i'm banning all forms of interperative dance" "WHAT" Eif rushes up to Jakey, and grabs his throat. "nice try" Jakey casually rams his knife into Eif's gut, causing his grip to weaken. "fuck" Eif falls to the ground, dead. "I AM THE PRESIDENT OF ALABAMA FEAR ME" "mistour president you have to decide what the national pasttime will be" "flower-arranging" "done" Jakey is given a medal for his service to the great nation of Alabama, when A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Complain-About-Mass-Effect-3's-Ending. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Taylor runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job taylor" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"OH FUCK I CAN'T MEET ALL THESE DEADLINES" "okay" "THE PRESSURE IS LITERALLY KILLING ME" "dude no it isn't" "YES IT IS" "no because it's not actually kil-" Eif drops dead. "oh" Jakey sweats. "okay then" "JAKEY GUESS WHAT" "what is it, mysterious voice" "by being the closest person to eif when he died, all of his deadlines have been inherited by you" "WHAT THAT'S NOT HOW STUFF WORKS" "it is now" Jakey sits down in Eif's office chair, trembling. "i-it can't be that hard, c-can it?" Jakey picks up a pen and looks at the 5H-03 forms. "MY HAND" Jakey drops the pen, clutching his hand. "MY HAND IS CRAMPING" "jakey stop being such a baby" "no" "fuck" Jakey, resolved to meet his deadlines, clenches the pen in his teeth, filling it in, line by line. Jakey looks at his work, fulfilled. Jakey squints to see the post office across the street, and stuffs his form into an envelope. "oh fuck we're out of stamps" Jakey looks again at the post office, noticing a long line that has formed at the counter at which he has to get stamps. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Jakey falls to the floor, sobbing. Jakey takes out a knife and takes a small patch of skin from his own leg, cutting it into a stamp-shaped thing. Jakey then takes out his Crayola-brand crayons and colours the shit out of the skin-stamp. "FUCK YES" Jakey mails the shit out of the stamp thing, when A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Super Mega Hyper Giga Street Fighter 2: Turbo: Gold Edition HD Remix Reloaded. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Eif runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job eif" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"hey guys i know we have a lot of work to get done and none of us wants to do it so i hired a secretary" "oh cool where is he" "eif the word 'secretary' implies a female, just like the words 'nurse' or 'stripper'" "or 'cook'" "exactly" "so where is this lady" Jakey motions over to the oversized novelty file cabinet. "when did we get that" "i bought it at rolf harris's yard sale last month" "oh cool" Kathy peeks up from the oversized novelty file cabinet. "oh hello" "hello" "guys this is kathy she will be doing all of the work that we are too important + cool to do" "cool" "i'm okay with it as long as she and jakey do not engage in a sexual relationship" "agreed" "aw" "ONE SHOULD NOT MIX BUSINESS AND PLEASURE JAKEY" "but if we were to engage in a sexual relationship, wouldn't two be mixing business and pleasure" "..." "..." "he's got you there" "fuck" "to be part of our group doesn't she need a power" "a thing to shoot out of her off-hand" "ooh ooh can i have electricity" "no kathy you cannot because i have electricity" "fire?" "no" "ice?" "nah" "water?" "water and ice are the same thing aren't they?" "oh yeah" Kathy sweats. "how about um grass" "no that's just stupid" "fuck" Kathy snaps her fingers. "knives" "FUCK YES" "wooh" "yay" "exelsior" "we should celebrate" "but we don't have any cake" "i have even better; A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Mall Cop. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Tony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job tony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"jakey it is literally killing me that our group has nine people in it" "r.i.p." "so i have decided to get a tenth member" "why would we need ten-" "SAY HELLO TO MR SOCK" Jakey looks around the room. "where-" "HELLO JAKEY I AM MR SOCK" Eif holds Mr. Sock in front of his mouth. "I AM TOTALLY THE TENTH MEMBER OF YOUR GROUP" "that's just a sock you put on your hand" "FUCK OFF JAKEY YOU ARE OFFENDING MR SOCK" "i thought you were cool jakey" A single tear streams down Mr. Sock's face. "i guess i was wrong" "i guess so" Eif and Mr. Sock turn their backs to Jakey. "uh" "APOLOGISE TO MR SOCK" "no" "WHAT" "i refuse to apologise to a sock that is on your hand" "YOU'RE NOT VERY COOL JAKEY" "thanks" Eif and Mr. Sock run off, single tears streaming down their faces. Eif and Mr. Sock run into a doorway, which collapses, revealing A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Captain America: The Winter War. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Michelle runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of light. Light shoots from Michelle's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job michelle" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"eif it is figuratively killing me that our group has nine people and a sock in it" "SOCKS ARE PEOPLE TOO" "no they aren't fuck off" "no" "fuck" Bran walks into the room. "LUCKILY, i have found an eleventh member" "oh dear" "who is it" "it's a guy who has done a lot of things" "that narrows it down" "can you guess who it is?!" "uh neil patrick harris" "no" "garrus" "no" "spider-man" "no" "satan" "close" "uh i give up" "Hello How Do You Feel" "welp" "i never would have guessed" "hey robert truckdriver how's metallica working out" "We Have Just Finished Recording Our New Album" "oh man i can't wait" "i wonder what amazing songcraft the band has created this time" "We Recorded Damage Inc. Eight Times In Different Tempos And Keys" "wait wasn't that what you did last time" "Yes; We Are Still Seeking The Dragonforce Market" "it's already better than death magnetic" "yeah and st. anger" "FUCK OFF BRAN" "no" "FUCK" A rumble is heard from Eif's record collection. Turns out, it was a HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Drag Racing. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Amiee :3 runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of pastry. Pastry shoots from Amiee :3's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job amiee :3" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"jakey i have decided that for the good of the group we cannot have eleven members" "why not" "because fuck you anyway i have found us a twelfth member" "hello" "oh my god it's neil patrick harris" "NEIL PATRICK HARRIS" Amiee :3 shoves Jakey to the ground. "NEIL PATRICK HARRIS I WANT YOU TO HAVE MY BODY" "uh" Neil Patrick Harris sweats. "i'm uh married" "SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW" "uh" "well" "um" "amiee :3 let me talk with you in the kitchen" Eif drags Amiee :3 to the kitchen while she motions for Neil Patrick Harris to call her. "well that was awkward" "yeah why would you want just one lady when we can go to the bar and pick up SEVERAL" "uh" "SEVERAL WOMEN" Sweat pours down Neil Patrick Harris' face. "uh hey look over there A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Polevaulting. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Sheriff Antony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of imagination. Imagination shoots from Sheriff Antony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job sheriff antony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"eif because twelve is a horrible number i have decided to increase our team number to the luckiest number of all" "7?" "no, 13 you idiot" "oh" "how would i even increase to a number that is less than the number we have now" "fuck off jakey" "no" "fuck" "anyway our newest team member is" "..." "SVART" "hi" "oh dear" "hey guys let's play monopoly" A bolt of lightning strikes. "fuck yeah i love monopoly" A bolt of lightning strikes. "i get to be the shoe" "I WANT TO BE THE SHOE" "i called it" "BUT" "i call top hat" "DAMMIT SVART WHY DOES EVERYONE PICK ALL THE BEST PIECES" "iron" "dog" "racecar" "wheelbarrow" "SACK OF MONEY" "fuck you all" "well eif i guess you get the cup" "that's a thimble" "stop making shit up to make your cup seem cool" Eif flips up the table. "uh" "that's a record" "yeah we haven't even got the game out yet" "i'll go get the game" Jakey runs to the closet, where he finds A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Hide-and-Seek. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Kathy runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of knives. Knives shoots from Kathy's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job kathy" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"IT'S TIME TO GO TO THAT FACTORY TO RECEIVE OUR LEGENDARY WEAPONS BITCHES" "but we do that every rpgboot" "not iv and viii" "but those sucked" "good point" "and anyway my shelves are full of legendary weapons" "i barely have room for my neil patrick harris collector's plates" "and my the mr sock collector's plates" "FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME YOUR GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING MR SOCK COLLECTOR'S PLATES ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS LIKE THE FUCKING CUNTS PICTURED ON THEM" "popular line mr sock said" "fuck i read that in his voice" "..." "..." "stop breaking the fourth wall" "NEVER" "anyway it's time to wander aimlessly" "my favourite time of the rpgboot" The eight run straight into a giant plant. "woah deja vu" "taylor use your grass powers!!!" "i have wind powers" "oh right but surely amiee :3 has grass powers" "no because you guys said i should have pastry powe-" "THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOUR LACK OF FORESIGHT" The giant plant devours the seven intrepid adventurers, as well as Jakey. "welp" "guys i have an idea" "if it involves using fire, eifion, i swear to fucking god" "um... no..." Eif sweeps aside a box of matches with his foot. "guys i have an idea" "i'm listening" "fucking ICE" "brilliant; run with it" "okay" Bran runs to the other end of the plant, ice cube in hand. "..." "..." "that is not what i had in mind" "but i can only ascertain what you have in mouth" "..." "..." "shut up" Bran blasts his way out of the giant planet. "so wait; all these years we've been getting sucked into the cold vacuum of space because of a typo" "fuck off you try writing better" "sigh" Suddenly, someone changes the bag! "oh i get it; vacuum as in vacuum cleaner" "it is a pun" "a shitty pun" "TAKE THAT BACK YOU YOU YOU NOT THAT COOL GUY" "TAKE THAT BACK" "NOT UNTIL YOU TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID THREE LINES AGO" "NEVER" "well then it seems we are at an impasse" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Seek-and-Hide. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Mr. Sock runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of sandals. Sandals shoots from Mr. Sock's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job mr sock" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"IT'S TIME FOR SOME MORE BAD COPYING AND PASTING BITCHES" "but we haven't copy/pasted ANYTHING from previous rpgboots yet" "you're proving me righter and righter" Eif rubs his chin. "oh look it's dante" "oh fuck i love dante" "DANTE CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH" "FUCK YOU" "YOU ARE THE WORST DANTE EVER I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU FUCKING CUNT I FUCKING HATE YOU" "FUCK YOU" "OH NO IT IS TIME FOR MORTAL COMBAT" Sheriff Antony draws his sword. Dante fucks you and draws his sword as well.
Dante slides towards Sheriff Antony and hacks his legs off at the feet. "ow" "FUCK YOU" Dante hookshots up to the roof. "what an amazing man" "he didn't have any autograph cards!!!" "WHAT HOW DARE HE NOT PURCHASE ITEMS TO CARRY IN THE OFF-CHANCE THAT SOMEONE HE WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN WANTS AN AUTOGRAPH" "i know right" "i must speak to president obama at once" "hello" "hello mistour president did you know that dante doesn't carry autograph cards" "THE CUNT" "i know right"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"guys we should totally go to church" "why" "it's sunday" "and" "that's what you do on sundays" "not me" "nor i" "they have uh candy" Jakey and Eif teleport to the church. "WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO CELEBRATE OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST" "WHO" "JUST THIS GUY" "OKAY" "WHERE'S THE FREE FOOD" "now we will dine on crackers and wine to signify eating our lord and saviour jesus christ" "what" "is this a cult" "NO JAKEY THIS IS A BRILLIANT TRAP TO TRAP YOU HERE WITH ME, THE VILLAIN" "what" "MY NAME IS MATTHEW" "oh dear" Matthew rips off his robes to reveal a business suit. "NOW I WILL FORCE YOU TO PURCHASE REAL ESTATE" "NO ANYTHING BUT THAT" Chains appear from the pews and tie up Jakey and Eif. "JUST SIGN HERE" "NO I REFUSE" "then i'm afraid i have no choice" A saw blade rises from the floor, and heads for Jakey and Eif. "last chance" "i uh" "DON'T GIVE UP" Neil Patrick Harris kicks the door of the church down and tackles Matthew. "TELL ME WHERE THE REMOTE IS FIEND" "it's uh on the leftmost pew" Neil Patrick Harris runs for the leftmost pew, and is encased in chains. "HA" "you won't be laughing for long fiend" Neil Patrick Harris breaks the chains with his bare hands. "WHAT" Neil Patrick Harris flips over the aisle, and grabs the sawblade, slowing it down. "guys you have to get out of here" "but we're encased in-" Neil Patrick Harris kicks the pew Jakey and Eif are sitting on out into the street, saving them. However, Neil Patrick Harris's grip fails, and he falls into the sawblade. "NEIL PATRICK HARRIS" "NOOOOOOOOO" Two simultaneous single tears stream down Jakey and Eif's cheeks as it begins to rain. "He Was Truly The Best Of Us" "you said it robert truckdriver"

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"IT'S TIME FOR THE SAME ENDING AS ALWAYS BITCHES" "..." "..." "FUCK" "welp" "that's it, rpgboot is over" "i'm so sorry" "sorry doesn't cut it" The actors leave the set in shame. "what have i done" Eif turns and heads to the janitor's closet, head held in shame. "goodbye... cruel world" Eif hits himself over the head with a mop repeatedly. "ow" "lo all" Stevman does a kneeslide onto the set, shredding the shreddiest solo ever heard by mortal ears. "..." "..." "okay rpgboot's not over any more" "ow" "eif you can stop hitting yourself with that mop" "must atone for sins" "take me home" "NO MICHELLE IT IS TIME YOU LEARNED WHERE HOME IS" "but then my catchphrase would be meaningless" "we survive just fine without catchphrases!!!" "YOU HAVE NO SOULS" Michelle turns and heads for home. "where do i live" "sigh" Jakey and Michelle head home. "where's og loc when you need him"
THE END