Teh Forum RPG [Reboot]

CHAPTOUR ONE:
A man clad in dark armour leaves his home, leaving a note behind. A single tear streams down his face, and he mounts his loyal steed, riding off into the night.
The next morning, a seventeen-year-old boy wakes up and finds the note. "WAT" The boy runs to get his friends, and tell them of this shocking development. "GUYS TONY'S GONE" "great" "NO GUYS SERIOUSLY HE LEFT THIS NOTE" "what note" "i don't see any note" "0/10 jakey" "BUT GUYS I" The village leader walks up. "guys tony's gone" "WHAT" "NO WAY" "lame" "GUYS WHAT THE FUCK" "jakey stop being butthurt just because svart got this information before you" "guys wait we have to find him" "but you four can't leave" "why not ROFL" "you're too young" "but half of us are adults" "it's dangerous out there" "great" "great" "okay fine you can go" "what do you mean you're not letting us leave" "i'm sorry but that's my decision and i'm sticking to it"
The four engage Svart in combat, while the tutorial explains how to MOVE YOUR ARM UP AND DOWN BACK AND FORTH HARDER FASTER DEEPER OH RIGHT THERE "ow that hurt" Svart's arm begins to fall off. "uh-oh our attacks aren't even doing anything to him" "haha he's right i am invincible" The four ABSCOND into the woods. "rats they got away"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
The quartet run and dive into a cabin. The cabin is empty, except for a single box. Jakey steps toward the box, and opens it, revealing a jar filled with an unknown fluid, white in colour, and a picture of a man, signed "Jeff Tom Scholz". Jakey tosses the jar to Eif, who takes off the lid, and tastes the fluid. "this isn't half bad" "what's it taste like" "death itself" "sweet" The quartet exits the cabin, stomachs full to the brim, and continues on to the next town. Little do they know, they're being followed.
Walking through the forest, a man jumps in front of them. "hello" "hello" "hey um i got kicked out of the village for betraying the electricity temple" "wow" "but it is not i who betrayed the temple" "old" "it is the temple that betrayed me" "butthurt" The man attacks the group, chucking his spear at Jakey's face. "that wasn't nice" "that's for brian" Bran kicks the man in the face, knocking him to the ground. Eif and Jakey stab him in the centre of the throat, then pull towards themselves, taking his head clean off. The four proceed to burn his lifeless body and use it to roast marshmallows. "you may have defeated me this time, but i'll be back" The man retreats into the woods. "taylor how could you let him get away" "i'm so sorry" "it's not your fault" "goddammit orange" "orange why"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
The guys sprint due north, and come to a wall. "guys what's this wall doing here" "let's smash it" Eif punches the wall. "ow that was quite painful" "hey i have another idea let's go around" "butthurt" "butthurt" "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT" The four punch the wall repeatedly, making their hands tired, broken and bloody, but they manage to tear through the wall. The sheriff approaches. "oh hey" "hey" "you four look like upstanding citizens go on in" "what do you mean you have to interrogate us" "not interrogate just do a quick test" The sheriff smells Taylor. "MY GOD YOU SMELL LIKE HIM" The sheriff attacks. Jakey chucks his sword into the sheriff's head, and Bran uses this chance to poke him with a stick! "ow ow quit it" "haha this is causing you distress" "i know ow ow stop it" The sheriff has a heart attack, and falls to the ground, dead before he hits the dirt. The villagers, poor and hungry, tear his corpse limb from limb for sustinence.
"oh sorry i thought you were toki's agents" "oh no harm done sheriff" "you see toki betrayed the electricity temple" "how so" "well toki walked right up to the priest, and said electricity was not-that-cool" "oh my god" "we should have killed him when we had the chance" "well you're free to stay in our five-star hotel as long as you'd like" "what do you mean we have to sleep in the streets" "sorry but we're full" The gang passes the wealthy citizens, bathes in the river running through town, and sleep in some boxes.

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
The guys run through the corridors of the electricity temple, defeating harlequin foetus wolves and harlequin foetus trolls, until they get to a dead end. "oh man it's gaining" "we can't escape" "this is the end guys" "hey i found a trap door" "THE END jakey" Eif falls to the floor, dead. The remaining three fall through the trap door to a room full of electrical plug puzzles. The four run to the boss room, coming face to face with the harlequin foetus knight.
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Jakey runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of lightning. Lightning shoots from Jakey's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "jakey stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
The four run through an open field aimlessly, and trip over an old man. "i am cowlord the wise" "great" "you must go to the ice temple" "NO U" "NO ME" "ouch he's got us there" The four head to the ice temple, but a train crashes through it! The ice shrine lands on top of the train, and the heroes leap onto the train, fighting hordes of harlequin foetus trolls and harlequin foetus wolves. They push cargo back and forth to get to the head of the train, eventually reaching the ice shrine. A harlequin foetus knight leaps out of a cake.
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Bran runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "bran stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
The four stand triumphant after their victory over the evil baron, the four run into town to get some SUPPLIES. There, they meet some chick with boobs and shit. Jakey gets the idea to follow her home and watch her as she showers. Jakey begins to wail "HEY BABY BABY I CAN C U THRU UR WINDOW YOUR IN DA SHOWER RUBBING SOAP OVER URSELF ITS HOT IM STEAMING UP BY HERE I CLIM THRU DA WINDOW U SCREAM I SAY HEY BABY SHAKE SHAKE IT LIKE A PEPPA PIG LETS GET IT ON CUZ UR ALREDY NAKED YE YE HOT LOVIN' TONIGHT". Then Michelle's like "take me home". The two fall in love and do in-love shit, when Eifion stabs Michelle in the face. She falls to the floor, lifeless. Eifion chops her into tiny pieces. Jakey takes Michelle in his arms, and she looks at Jakey warmly, a single tear streaming down her cheek. She smiles, before going limp in Jakey's arms. "WHAT THE FUCK EIFION" "we're on a mission!!!" "what THE FUCK are you talking about" "we need to find tony!!!" "who" "stop making people up eifion god you're so childish" The four are swept up by a sudden gust of wind, and dropped in front of a harlequin foetus knight.
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Taylor runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "taylor stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Eifion collapses to the ground, a single tear streaming down his face. "i want powers too" "don't cry" "that's it i'm tired of you guys getting all the cool stuff" Eifion marches into town, and goes to the poor house. The other three chase him. Eifion pauses at the gate, and the other three grab onto his pants, being dragged along. Eifion gets out his cheque bouque, and donates all of the party's money to charity. A single tear streams down Jakey's face, drops onto Bran's face, streams down, drops onto Taylor's face and streams down, where it hits the ground. The charity guy takes off his skin to reveal... a harlequin foetus knight!
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Eif runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "eif stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
Tony approaches the Earth Shrine. A rumble is heard. From beneath the rubble comes a man clad in clothing. "STAIRWAY" "hello" "WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO MY PEOPLE" "who" "just this guy" Stairway conjures a beam of darkness that sends Tony flying into the shrine, knocking him cold. "HEY GUYS WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS ROOM" Jakey walks through the door. "drat" "hey look it's tony hi tony" "who" "just this guy" Stairway teleports into the next room and runs away. A harlequin foetus knight walks into the room with a newspaper, whistling. "aw this isn't the bathroom is it"
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Tony runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "tony stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
The gang walk to the pier, where they see a man flailing his arms around randomly. "howdy i'm original gangster george of original gangster george's previously-owned vessels and i'd stand on my head to make you a deal what sort of craft are you looking for big little fast slow you want it i got it if i don't got it i'll get it i want to make you a deal that you're happy with because if you're not happy i'm not happy but i know you're going to leave here happy today how do i know just look at all these ships i've got something for everyone come take a look around so tell me what are you interested in looking at today" "let me see the best ship you've got" "hey it's nice to meet a man who appreciates quality i've got just the boat for you walk this way this here is the famous 'semen key' the only ship ever to make it to the famous isle of wight and come back with anyone aboard left alive" "wow stan i mean original gangster george i'll take it" "great"
The five hop abourd the ship, and sail off aimlessly. "i'm sailing away" "oh no jakey no" "set an open course for the virgin sea" "dude loads of ships have sailed on this sea it's hardly a virgin any more" "'cause i've got to be free" "THIS ISN'T AMERICA JAKEY" "free to face the life that's ahead of me" "but jakey your life is that way" "on board i'm the captain" "wait what you're the youngest here besides taylor but no one cares about him" "so climb aboard" "we're already out to HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACKHEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACKHEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK" "we'll search for tomorrow" "TOMORROW IS A DEFINITE IT CAN'T BE LOST" "on every shore" "jakey stop being retarded" "and i'll try oh lord i'll try" "jakey you don't have a HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACKHEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACKHEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK" "to carry on" "fucking hell" "i look to the sea" "you're looking at the ship itself" "reflections in the wave spark my memory" "like the fact that we're on an important mission" "some happy some sad" "old" "i think of childhood friends" "oh you mean us" "and the dreams we had" "dude that's gay" "we lived happily forever" "we're not happy right now" "so the story goes" "butthurt" "but somehow me missed out" "on the quest" "on the pot of gold" "we ate that remember" "but we'll try best that we can" "to not push jakey overboard" "to carry on" "it's like i'm playing a disney movie"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
The five walk into a factory. "hey kids we got a shipment of legendary swords but we have no use for legendary swords here have some legendary swords" The five take the legendary swords. "wow these are great" "meh" "mine tastes funny" The six march off aimlessly, and find a giant plant. "taylor use your grass powers!!!" "i have wind powers" "wat" "why are you so useless taylor" The giant plant eats the five. "well this sucks" "hey i have an idea let's BURN the plant" "butthurt" "butthurt" "THAT WON'T WORK YOU RETARD" "but guys fire is super effective to gra-" "butthurt" "i have an idea let's FREEZE the plant" "that's brilliant!!!" "but guys fire" "stop being butthurt because ice is super effective against grass" The five freeze their way out of the giant planet. "it sure is cold in the vacuum of space" "old" "butthurt" "old" The five float around aimlessly, when someone changes the HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK The five are emptied into the trash can, and climb their way out, when they are ambushed by a harlequin foetus knight.
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Adrian runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of proud. Anal shoots from Mercutio's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "phyllyp stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
The five stumble across a lamp. They rub the fuck out of that shit, and THE MYSTICAL GENIE OF THE pops out! "hello" "hello" "who are you" "i'm a genie see what you wish it's yours true dish how about a little more baklavaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" The five are covered in baklava, seeing nothing but baklava. "i can't find you in the baklava" "the night is yours, true dish" "aaaaaaaaah watch out" The five rocket up to the moon, and find a harlequin foetus knight!
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Phyllyp runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of shoe. Denver Post shoots from Ralph's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "hectour stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"hup" Jakey hops into the abyss. "wow what an idiot" "i'm not following him" "me either" "let's go home" "sounds good" Tony plunges into the abyss after Jakey. "butthurt" "why is everyone but us retarded bran and taylor" Bran dives after Tony. "well taylor it's just you and" Taylor dives after Bran. "why do i even bother" Eif dives in after Taylor. "haha you've all fallen into my trap!!!" "see guys i told you this was a bad idea" "butthurt" "HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK" Their ball is chucked back to them. "oh boy now we can go home!!!" "no so fast" Petour steps out from the cover of darkness. "i will never let you return home with that ball" "but me poor mummy will be very disappointed with me if i return without it see it was a gift from me great grampa who passed recently so if you'd just let me keep th-" "NO U" "rats"
Petour launches a bolt of darkness at Taylor, killing him instantly. Jakey charges up his sword with electricity and slices Petour's head off. Tony launches giant boulders at Petour's body, crushing him. Bran forms a giant cluster of ice inside the boulders, casuing them to explode and Petour's body to be impales with several shards of ice. Eif lights the body on fire, melting the ice, and reducing Petour to ash. Taylor sweeps up the ash, and dumps it in the ocean. Petour staggers back, clutching his chest. However, he staggers right into Tony's sword! Tony smirks, and kicks Petour off of his sword. Petour's wounds glow bright white, and he explodes in a bright light, leaving nothing behind. Petour falls to the ground, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "all i wanted was to be remembered" "old" "i wanted people to live in fear of my name" "great" "promise me you will remember my name" "wait who are you again" Petour draws his last breath and goes limp. "no seriously who was that guy"

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
Tony and the gang return home with the ball. "mother i" "save it the look on your face is enough" Tony and his mother embrace. A single tear streams down Tony's face, then lands on his mother's face, and begins the streaming process anew. Tony and his mother engage in a passionate kiss, and Tony carries his mother to bed for some HOT LOVIN TONIGHT. Michelle runs up to Jakey, and the two embrace. "eeewww" "get a room you two" "NO U" "NO ME"
"lo all" Stevman does a kneeslide, and plays a powerchord. "THAT'S OUR STEVMAN" Then Michelle's like "take me home". THE END.