Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] IV: A Choose-Your-Own Adventure

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"WHY DID YOU KILL SEBBY'S FAMILY" "i 'thought it would be funny'" "oh seems legit let's go guys" "but my family" "SEEMS LEGIT LET'S GO GUYS" "but" "SEEMS LEGIT LET'S GO GUYS" The team heads to the local ice cream truck for ice cream. Only Tony survives.
"hey someone has our recipe for death gas" "dude what" "they stole it" "um shouldn't you try to get it back" "NO U" "NO ME" Jack White goes to get back the death gas. "hey tony tony's mother has been kidnapped" "FUCK" Tony heads to the killer's lair. "hey i put your mother's head on this patchwork body" "... what THE FUCK" "u mad lol" "no seriously WHAT THE FUCK THIS MAKES NO SENSE" "butthurt" "YOU WHAT I MEAN WHAT THIS IS RIDICULOUS I QUIT" "i guess i should take over" "wat" "STOP MAKING TONY'S MOTHER YOUR SLAVE " "he's a mage you can't hurt him he was just defending himself!!!" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES FENRIS DO

fenris casually sells himself back into slavery, while tony pulls out his huge, thick, slippery duel disk and duels sir killer

ROCK

HARD

CHAPTOUR FOURTEEN:
Fenris takes a deep breath and looks at his TIWBF bracelet. "okay i know what i must do" Fenris casually sells himself back into slavery because he "thought it would be funny". Isabela whips out her duel disc and challenges sir mage to a duel. "WTF HES A MAGE U CANT OPRESS HIM LIKE THIS" "NO U" "NO ME" Isabela puts away her duel disc, a single tear streaming down her face. "come on sir mage you're okay with us" "what just happened" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT MAGES " Carver leaps down and lands on his face, a smirk forming on his face. "hello" "hello" "MAGES " Carver slaughters Anders and sir mage. "wow" "wow" "wow"
"tony we avenged your mother" "dude this is stupid i give up" "we found this underaged elf mage chick" "the only underaged mage for me was bethany" "dude she was your sister" "why does everyone say that" "..." "OUR LOVE WAS TO BE FOREVER" "..." "..." "NO U" "NO ME" "okay um we also have um breadsticks" "..." "..." "okay i'll do it" "hoora" "obtw tony jack white is going to kill everyone" "rats" The group heads to Jack White's house. "hello" "hello" "I CANNOT SIT STILL WHILE THIS CESSPOOL OF A TOWN CONTINUES TO FLOURISH" "butthurt" "I WILL CONVERT EVERYONE TO MY RELIGION OR KILL THEM TRYING" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

slaughters a bunch of jack white's followers and then tells jack white about it to gain his RESPECT hopefully that'll convince jack white not to

CHAPTOUR FIFTEEN:
Tony slaughters a bunch of Jack White's followers. "hey jack white i slaughtered your followers" "and i respect you for" Tony sweats. "NOW LET US FIGHT TO THE DEATH " Isabela runs in. "HEY IV GOT UR BOOK ROFL" "LMFAO" "GIVE ME THE BOOK" "touchy subject i see" "butthurt" "NO U" "NO ME" Tony runs up and stabs Jack White. "ow" Tony smirks. "OBTW i killed your viscount" "who" "just this guy" Jack White and Tony fight. "you fight like a dairy farmer!!!" "how appropriate; you fight like a cow!!!" Jack White gasps, and Tony stabs him in the chest. "fuck" Jack White dies. "tony you did it you're the hero of kirkhamburgerwall!!!" "old"
"hey mages should be free" "NO " "come on you know you want to" "HEY MEREDITH'S RIGHT MAGES ARE SCUM OF THE EARTH " "NO MAGES ARE GREAT I AM ANDERS, A MAGE WHO IS GREAT BY ASSOCIATION" "old" "butthurt" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

sides with both parties behinds the other's back while constantly insisting that he dislikes the other party, then whines about politics for attention

CHAPTOUR SIXTEEN:
"ORSINO I LOVE MAGES MEREDITH IS A CUNT" "MEREDITH I HATE MAGES ANDERS IS A CUNT" Some shit happens, and Anders flies a plane into the Chantry. Tony falls into fatal hysterics. "this man must die " "what you can't kill me i'm a mage and mages are super-great" "NO U" "NO ME" Meredith sweats. Tony takes Anders by the hand and chucks him at some blood mages. "hello my fellow mages who are super-great"
The group follows Orsino into the Gallows. "hey we're winning the battle i'm gonna do something stupid!!!" Orsino turns himself into a godless abomination because he "thought it would be funny". Tony raises his sword. "TONY U CANT DO THAT DEEP DOWN HE'S STILL A MAGE AND MAGES ARE SUPER-GREAT" "butthurt" "NO U" "NO ME" Anders sweats.
WHAT DOES TONY DO

uses the ancient techniques his mentor jack white taught him to run in the corner and cry until the abomination is gone

CHAPTOUR SEVENTEEN:
Tony stares down the ungodly abomination. A wave of calm falls over him. Tony remembers his master Jack White's ancient techniques. Tony raises his sword and runs away, cowering in the corner. Fenris sighs. "DEMON YOU HAVE ENSLAVED THAT MAN'S MIND YOU WILL PAY!!!" Fenris charges at the ungodly abomination and cuts it in half. The head jumps off and uses its arms to crawl around. "what the fuck" "OH NO YOU AREN'T GOING TO ENSLAVE ANYONE ELSE" Fenris tackles the ungodly abomination's head and punches it until it collapses from exhaustion. Fenris then takes his blade, a single tear streaming down his face, and stabs the ungodly abomination right through the skull.
The newpaper comission comes and interviews the team. "well i did all the work; my master jack white's techniques really came in useful" "we had to stop him because he was a SLAVE to that demon and SLAVES NEED TO BE FREED" "but he was a mage!!! and mages are super-great!!! i am a mage and thus super-great!!!" "i'm dalish" "there we were; staring down the ungodly abomination orsino had become with nothing but a bagel and a tuning fork" "this monster blew up the chantry he needed to die " "i am dark and brooding my name is carver i will not be overshadowed by tony!!!" "i am a guard my responsibility is to bring dudes to justice this man needed to be brought to justice for having too much fun" "yar har feedledeedee do you what you want 'cos a pirate is free you are a pirate"
TO BE CONTINUED

CHAPTOUR EIGHTEEN:
Tony and the group walk outside triumphantly. "hello" "hello" "YOU WERE WORKING WITH THEM YOU MUST DIE " "wh-what" "I CANNOT ALLOW TRAITORS IN MY RANKS" "..." "SEE THIS SWORD" "dude that's our idol!!!" "old" "OKAY I GIVE UP THIS IS RETARDED" "and orsino turning into a godless abomination wasn't" "no that was hilarious" Tony storms off the set. "fuck" "THAT WOMAN IS A SLAVE TO THE IDOL WE MUST END THIS ONCE AND FOR" "old" "butthurt" "NO U" "NO ME" Fenris charges at the Meredith and cuts her in half. The head jumps off and uses its hair to crawl around. "what the fuck" "OH NO YOU AREN'T GOING TO ENSLAVE ANYONE ELSE" Fenris tackles the ungodly abomination's head and punches it until it collapses from exhaustion. Fenris then takes his blade, a single tear streaming down his face, and stabs the ungodly abomination right through the skull.
"oh shit we'd better clear out of here" AND THEY DID Tony went on to act in George Lucas films, as they were "less retarded". Fenris went to Tevinter and freed every slave there. Twice. Anders went and formed the Mage Fan Club, which reached a record four members (two of which were Anders' mother). Merrill went back to the Dalish to be Dalish. Varric went to Antiva to tell stories to the nobles. He was hung after a week. Sebby went to Starkhaven to rule. All went well until he tried to convert them from the imperial system to metric. The riots lasted ten years, and five-thousand people were killed. Carver, having had both his parents killed, became a themed superhero based on his most feared animal. Criminals cower before Hamsterman. Aveline continued to guard, as she didn't feel right getting paid to un-guard. Isabela finally found the One Piece. It was in her sock drawer. Meredith went down in history as "just this guy", while Orsino went down in history as the greatest commedian who ever lived. Jack White returned to THE NEXT STORY IN THIS RPGBOOT IF YOU HADN'T GUESSED ALREADY FROM HIM BEING IN EVERYONE'S STORIES
THE END

CHAPTOUR TWENTY-NINE:
Fenris and the gang return home with the best joke in the world. "unenslaved populous i" "save it the look on your face is enough" Fenris and the unenslaved population of Kirkhamburgerwall embrace. A single tear streams down Fenris' face, then lands on the unenslaved population of Kirkhamburgerwall's face, and begins the streaming process anew. Fenris and the unenslaved population of Kirkhamburgerwall engage in a passionate kiss, and Fenris carries the unenslaved population of Kirkhamburgerwall to bed for some HOT LOVIN TONIGHT. Michelle runs up to Anders, and the two embrace. "eeewww" "get a room you two" "NO U" "NO ME"
"lo all" Stevman does a kneeslide, and plays a powerchord. "THAT'S OUR STEVMAN" Then Michelle's like "take me home'. THE END.

VOTE GUYS

jack black

jack black

JACK BLACK:
CHAPTOUR ONE:
"it's time to wake up jack black" "NO U" "NO ME" Jasper rips the covers off. "fuck" "it's time to meet elise!!!" "do i have to" "NO U" "NO ME" Jack Black gets into his PRINCELY ADVENTURIST outfit, and runs to the courtyard. "hello" "hello" "I LOVE YOU JACK BLACK" "wtf" "TAKE MY BODY" "NO U" "NO ME"
Jack Black heads to the kitchen. "hey it's me walter" "walter my friend/mentor hello" "give a speech now!!!" "hey kitchen staff you're doing like well and stuff" "hooray wooh" A single tear streams down Walter's face. "that was the best speech i have ever heard" The two walk into the main room. "hey we're protesting your brother and stuff" "sounds fun" Jack Black signs the petition. "hey bro i found some protesters i'm gonna kill them" Jack White smirks. Jack Black sweats. "you can't do that!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" "hey what'd i miss" "NOW DECIDE WHETHER I KILL THE VILLAGERS OR THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE YOU MET FIVE MINUTES AGO" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK BLACK DO

gathers up the villagers and the love of his life in a rucksack and makes a break for it

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Jack Black ponders for a moment. "LOOK OVER THERE" Jack White turns, giving Jack Black the time to gather the love of his life and the villagers into a rucksack. "HEY" Jack Black sprints out of the castle to the mauseleum and locks the door behind him. "hello" "hello" Walter, Jasper, Jack Black and his rucksack go down the stairs. "hey look a guild seal" Jack Black grabs it and attains a spiffy new glove. "sweet" Jack Black runs through a tunnel and winds up in a tower. "hey what the fuck" "i'll stay here with the rucksack bro" "okay" "we've got to end jack white's reign of tyrrany!!!" "sure why not"
Jack Black and Walter teleport to the mountains. "go buy new clothes so you'll fit in here's some money" "oh um" Jack Black buys the UGLY MOUNTAINEER OUTFIT. "hey bro if you want to get our support you need to go and remove some bandits, get an artefact and something else i forget ROFL" "oh is that all LMFAO" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK BLACK DO

disguises himself as mickey the milkman and heads to the bandit camp in hope that they will think he is there to sell milk and let him in so hard when in reality the milk kart is rigged with a bomb of dying

CHAPTOUR THREE:
Jack Black helps the people in Brianbrightwall in order to collect the pieces of the MICKEY THE MILKMAN DISGUISE OUTFIT and heads to the bandit camp. "'ey its me mickey the milkman" "who" "just this guy" The bandits let him in and Jack Black casually walks over to their leader, Thag, and opens his jacket to reveal the Bomb of Dying! "dont do it mickey the milkman you have to much to live for" "NO U" "NO ME" Jack Black detonates the Bomb of Dying. The entire countryside is devestated in the blast. Plants and animals alike all die to the Bomb of Dying. "wow that was easy what next" "d00d take the guild seal to the librarian d00d" "NO U" "NO ME"
Jack Black enters the library. "hello" "hello" The librarian chucks Jack Black into the basement. "fuck" Jack Black fights waves of skeletons and finds a SWORD OF STABBING and a GUN OF SHOOTING. Eventually Jack Black finds a box that plays "An Educated Discourse in Economics and Sociology". Jack Black teleports upstairs and finds a book. "neat" Jack Black opens the book and is sucked into the world. "hello" "hello" "YOU ARE STUCK HERE FOREVER" "gasp" "hello" "hello" "we have to get out of here bro" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK BLACK DO

restores the amulet of Kn'hrreh to its pedestal at Maer'vktan and UNLEASHES THE SHADOW OF ONE THOUSAND TOMBS TO CURSE THE WORLD UNDER THE PLAGUES OF THE FALLEN




also he buys some shares

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"so um" "i have an IDEA" Jack Black restores the Amulet of Bۑt'h̑irö at the Pedastal of D̐ևv񬰎d'CϚȞk, and pricks his finger, a drop of his own blood activating the ancient ritual of Hウrbńrt'mϚ|n. Blood pours down the walls and Jack Black is swallowed by a giant anal. "oh um" Jack Black falls and falls and eventually ends up back in Snowwall. "hey i got your stuff" "NO U" "NO ME"
"i hereby agree to fight for our future king, jack black, against his tyranical brother, jack white" "NO U" "NO ME" "jack black let us head to the monorail even though we can teleport by pointing at a map" "sounds good" The monorail crashes. "fuck" Jack White and Walter walk through the tunnel. "well that SUCKED" "hey look it's a camp let's rest" "good idea" "hey it's me MJAJOR SWIFT " "oh um" "and i'm ben finn to whom nothing bad or good happens " "lame" "can we rest here bro" "you could if we weren't attacked by hordes of undead every night" "OH FUCKING HELL"
WHAT DOES JACK BLACK DO

straps a bomb of ceasing-to-attack-the-camp-and-quitely-returning-underground to himself and prepares for the horde, a single tear streaming down his cheek

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
Jack Black sighs and straps the Bomb of Not-Attacking the Camp and Returning to the Ground to his chest. The sun sets, and a single tear streams down Jack Black's cheek, for he knows what he must do. The hollow men crawl out of the ground, and Jack Black solemnly walks into the horde, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "tell margaret i love her" Jack Black detonates the Bomb of Not-Attacking the Camp and Returning to the Ground as everyone around him gasps. Walter salutes Jack Black as he falls, a single tear streaming down his face. "he was a good man" "hello" "hello" Jack Black and Walter walk to Bowerstone and check up on Jack Black's mother, Jack Grey,'s old friend, Reaver. "hey i thought of a fun game whoever doesn't disobey me doesn't get SHOT" "sounds good" Reaver shoots "sounds good" guy. "ow" "new game!!! i get to shoot whoever doesn't get to work " Everyone rushes to work. "see why it's so bad jack black!!!" "i wanna play!!!" "you can't play you're LOWER MIDDLE CLASS" "THE FIENDS "
WHAT DOES JACK BLACK DO

voluntarily sells himself and walter into slave labour because why not?

CHAPTOUR SIX:
Jack Black decides that the only solution to this to sell the pair into slavery. Of course, this goes swimmingly until Page comes up and is all like "GUYS WE NEED TO STOP THE OPRESSION" "NO U" "NO ME" Jack Black sighs and heads off to stop Reaver. Jack Black gets to Reaver's house and confronts the man, a single tear streaming down his face. "i'm sorry reaver" Jack Black chucks the Bomb of Killing Reaver at Reaver, who dies instantly. "i miss him" "hey why not fight in my arena ROFL" "good idea reaver LMFAO" Jack Black fights in Reaver's arena. "well that was fun" "hey go to the desert" "NO U" "NO ME" Jack Black and Walter head through the desert on a horse with no games. "HEY LOOK A DARK CAVE WITH A FORCEFIELD LET US GO IN" "NO U" "NO ME"
Oh, Major Swift died somewhere in there. Not like anyone cared, though.
WHAT DOES JACK BLACK DO