Not GoAnimate Season Four

Hello. I don't usually do preambles, but it's required here.
GoAnimate is near and dear to my heart, but it's dead and gone. I'm not going to let that stop me, however.
I am going to try to stick to the format of only having up to ten lines to work with per episode. It's all text, but I've got character images so hopefully you can do the voices in your head. I recommend watching season three again before starting this.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaTyqQD3Wsyq0ZY9Kz5P0TOnViXcYF3-_

I'm hoping to do that thing where I set up a dramatic plot and then just meander the rest of the time. Meandering is my life.
I will also be taking advantage of some of the limitations I don't have.



EPISODE 001: The Bananas Guy Was the Villain the Whole Time?!
scene: Friends Bar

"the diamonds have been secured"

"you've gone too far, joe"

"you said it yourself in 2012: we can't allow the league of republicans to gain control of the diamonds; hillary failed in 2016 and we couldn't take that chance again"

"'finding' ballot boxes full of votes from the dead is going too far"

"the ends justify the means, obama"

"no, they do not"

"i'm disappointed in you, barry"

"no, i'm disappointed in you, joseph"

"then leave; we won't need you in our new world order"

"we'll see"

EPISODE 002: Meeting Adjourned?
scene: Japanese Barman's house

"and that adjourns this meeting of the league of republicans"

"you know, this reminds me of a song"

"not again; every time with you people"

"♫well you can tell by the way i use my walk, i'm a woman's man; no time for talk♫"

"♫music loud and women warm; i've been kicked around since i was born♫"

"♫but it's all right, and it's okay, and you may look the other way, but we can try to understand the new york times' effect on man♫"

"iu needu to starto lockuingu thato dooru"

"barack obama, now this is a surprise"

"i'm here to join the league of republicans"

"wait a minute, allow me to check my calendar to make sure it isn't april fool's day and i'm not being bamboozled"

EPISODE 003: In League with the League
scene: Japanese Barman's house

"so wait, why is it just you three; what happened to romney"

"after losing the 2012 election, romney has been homeless on the streets of philadelphia"

"watching that cunt get his comeuppance was legitimately the greatest day of my young life"

"aren't you like eighty years old"

"i may look it, but that is only because of that cunt romney causing me such stress that i have aged prematurely; i am only 28"

"but you said you went to college in 1986"

"time travel"

"oh, that makes sense"

EPISODE 004: Brothers in Arms
scene: Japanese Barman's house

"so wait, you have a time machine and no one else knows about it?"

"mute and i invented it in order to travel back in time and stop romney from participating in the activities that precluded his fall to cuntdom; speaking french, castling, jaywalking, and many more"

"moreu likeu gaywalkingu"

"you said it, japanese barman"

"regardless, the experiment was deemed a failure; no matter how many times we travelled, we could not alter romney's destiny: the destiny of a cunt"

"wow, i had no idea"

"where is mute now anyway"

"oh, he went back to 2005 to pick us up some mountain dew pitch black and berries and cream starburst; the time machine is at least good as a temporal refrigerator"

"i always loved that little lad who did the berries and cream dance"

"as did we all; he was a national hero whose accomplishments are only rivalled by the great larry speed; r.i.p. to them both"

EPISODE 005: Back in Time
scene: Friends Bar

"so then i says to hillary, you know what i says? i says-"

"what is up, my dogs"

"bush?! you got your original body back!!!"

"yeah, it turns out it had fallen between the couch cushions; i also found 38 cents and an unopened can of peanuts"

"i will be taking that from you"

"i would never have it any other way"

"so what happened to that black guy's body"

"i'm using it as a coatrack; it holds a rather impressively large number of coats"

"i'll bet; a body like that could probably even hang a hat or two as well"

"and how"

EPISODE 006: Resolving Season One's Cliffhanger in Season Four
scene: Friends Bar

"bush, are you here to rejoin the league of republicans?"

"i'm retired, barry; politics are a young man's game, and that last case we took still has me shaken"

"i know, i still can't believe that adam lambert would orchestrate such a plan to steal it"

"sometimes, i think we got the wrong guy"

"that's because you did, george"

"what's that supposed to mean, biden?"

"a child could have seen it coming; as you said yourself, adam lambert is the epitome of guys who would never steal it"

"it was me, barry; if either of you had half an ounce of intelligence, you would have seen it immediately"

"hell, remember my book about bananas? look at the first word of every chapter title"

"'i was the one who orchestrated the theft of it'; oh goddammit"

EPISODE 007: Getting the Gang Back Together
scene: Friends Bar

"okay, barry, i'm back in; we can't just let scum like that roam the streets while good men like adam lambert take the fall"

"good, that makes the league of republicans seven strong"

"seven? you, me, bush, gingrich, other gingrich, huntsman, japanese barman? what happened to that guy who fucked my mother?"

"travis is a broadway star now; the exposure he got as my understudy made his career take off"

"what about the woodchuck guy? rick santorum?"

"woodchucks only live for fourteen years; we buried him in a shoebox out back"

"is there no one else who can help us?"

"i'll call donnie; he'll snap at the chance to take down biden"

"and i've got a friend we can meet at the old apartment; we can even squeeze in a round of mario kart"

"only if i get to be luigi"

EPISODE 008: Back from the Attack
scene: Bush and Obama's old apartment

"it's been so long since i've been back here"

"since you moved out, this apartment has been a hideout for an old friend"

"what's up george, barry"

"JFK?! i thought you'd been-"

"you and seven billion others; you see, i had oswald stationed in that depository as a lookout, and when he fired a warning shot, i knew to play dead, as someone in the grassy knoll had his own agenda; i never trusted knolls, grassy or otherwise"

"so does this mean you're coming out of hiding to help us take down joe biden?!"

"yes, i may have been a democrat before, but joe biden has sullied our party's name; however, i believe we first have a little unfinished business on the wii u, george"

"oh yes, you, me, and newt gingrich"

"are you three ready to lose to the ultimate racing specimen, dry bones?"

"it's on like diddy kong"

EPISODE 009: Elsewhere, in the Shadows
scene: the old cafe

"this meeting of the league of democrats is hereby in session; hillary has the floor"

"as you all know, we have recently lost barack obama to the league of republicans, but we have gained a far more precious ally due to obama's defection: william mckinley"

"i am back, revived with black magic to take vengeance upon barack obama for what he did to my mountain"

"i, for one, am glad to welcome former president mckinley, and would like to note that through my entire presidency, mt. mckinley stayed with its original presidential name to honor our assassinated brother"

"my second term may have been cut short, but my third term will set a new precident for we presidents"

"i hate to break it to you, but that's not allowed any more after FDR's fourth term"

"then change it, mr. president"

"uh-"

"you have the power of the diamonds, do you not? use it"

"you know what? i will; too many good democratic presidents have hit the term limit and been replaced by republicans, BUT NO LONGER!!!"

EPISODE 010: Exclusive Report
scene: Mute and Newt Nightlight News

"hello, and welcome to mute and newt nightlight news; i'm mute"

"and i'm newt; today, we will be showing an exclusive interview with our nation's last legitimate president, donald trump"

"indeed, down to our field reporter"

"how do you respond to the allegations that joe biden rigged the election"

"they are beautiful allegations, completely based in fact and logic, everyone is saying it; once this charlatan is evicted from my white house, the american nation will be made great again"

"oh, that makes sense"

EPISODE 011: In Memoriam
scene: Mute and Newt Nightlight News

"next on the mute and newt nightlight news program, to comemorate the fifth anniversary of rick santorum's passing, a replay of our exclusive interview with the 'chuck himself"

"how do you respond to the allegations that woodchucks can't chuck wood"

"i say of course woodchucks can chuck wood; why else would they be named woodchucks if they couldn't chuck wood? i mean, HELLO?! what are these large teeth for if not for chucking wood?!"

"and another thing, if woodchucks could not, in fact, chuck wood, how do you explain all the chucked wood lying around everywhere?"

"maybe you tell yourself, it was aliens; sounds logical, right? WRONG; the more simple and correct explanation is that that chucked wood was, indeed, chucked by a woodchuck: the masters of chucking wood"

"oh, that sounds logical"

EPISODE 012: Whatever Happened to That Guy Anyway?
scene: Mute and Newt Nightlight News

"and now onto our next segment: whatever happened to that guy anyway?"

"today, we will be looking at the world's biggest cunt: mitt romney (fucking hate that guy)"

"our field reporter caught up with romney on the streets of philadelphia"

"how do you respond to the allegations that you are a cunt"

"dancing is my LIFE"

"oh, that makes sense"

EPISODE 013: Everyone's Arrived
scene: Friends Bar

"so have we assembled everyone?"

"we're still waiting for donald"

"what's up losers, the big D is in the house"

"yes, the big D has been in the house for a while, don, thanks for noticing"

"dick cheney? the big D? laughable! cheney is more like the little D; you only ever made it to vice president and the big D - by which i of course mean myself - has never been a vice to anyone"

"well uh-"

"just admit that he has a point and move on, little D"

"now wait just a-"

"little D cheney can't even admit when he's lost to the bigger man; sad!"

"what have i gotten myself into"

EPISODE 014: Born in the USA
scene: Friends Bar

"so do we have a plan to counteract joe biden's tricksy ways in the upcoming election"

"yes, it is called the raw charisma of donald trump combined with an outpouring of support from the american people who haven't been brainwashed by sleepy joe's sleepy rhetoric"

"isn't that what you tried the first time?"

"listen, obamna, i don't know how you do things over there in your native kenya, but in this country, people respond to powerful, charismatic leaders; george washington, andrew jackson, ronnie reagan, and, of course, donnie t - the trumpster"

"is this really the guy we're putting all our hopes in"

"listen barack, i know you have great pride in your home country of kenya, but donald has the staying power of 5,000,000 mitt romneys, and that's exactly what we need right now"

"i was born in hawaii"

"and i'm sure that's a beautiful city - the pride of kenya - but we're trying to save america here"

"i went to hawaii once; it truly was the crown jewel of africa"

"the people there may have been of simple means, but they were rich in spirit; the peanut farms there were among the best i've ever seen, and i've seen a lot of peanut farms as a professional peanut somelier"

EPISODE 015: A Tale of Two Bushes
scene: Japanese Barman's house

"and this, obama, is our secret weapon; a republican we've stored in this tube for years to absorb the best attributes of the famous republicans of the past"

"i hope that doesn't include william mckinley; i always hated that guy"

"BEHOLD!!!"



"is that jeb bush?"

"indeed, he is the pride of the gingrich family's science division"

"soon, jeb bush will be unleashed upon the world and become its president"

"so we won't have to rely on that trump guy?"

"well jeb won't be fully ready and through testing until 2035"

"but when that happens, watch out"

EPISODE 016: Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News
scene: jungle canteen

"have you heard the news"

"indeed i have"

"i can't believe that we've been lied to all these years, and the woodchuck rick santorum didn't die of natural woodchuckly causes, but instead was assassinated for having evidence that could incriminate hillary clinton"

"between this and obama's defection to the league of republicans, it really makes me wonder what joe biden is joe hiden behind that sleepy facade"

"after reading his book about bananas, i decided to try one for myself and found that the claims of bananas being good eatin are, in fact, false"

"makes you wonder what else he's lying about"

"maybe his name isn't really even joe"

"what else would it be that would cause him to lie about it"

"beelzebub"

"yeah that's probably it"

EPISODE 017: Spurts of Sports
scene: Friends Bar

"itu iso thato timeu ofu yearo againo; timeu foru everyoneo to placeu betsu onu who willo winu theo nasucaro chamupionushipu"

"as i did last year, i will be placing my bet on the watermelon man, ross chastain"

"any driver worth his salt would have his livery in forza motorsport, so i will place my bet on chase elliott"

"my bet goes to the ghost of larry speed coming back and winning every race"

"you do that every year, and that has still never happened"

"it will one day; the world misses larry speed so much that he will rise from the grave like jesus did"

"jerry speed didn't even drive in nascar"

"irrelevant"

"whato abouto you obama"

"um is jeff gordon still racing? i'll bet on him"

EPISODE 018: Have It Your Way
scene: Japanese Barman's house

"good news gentlemen; i have managed to convince burger king to sell the league of republicans toys with their kids meals"

"burger king? why not mcdonald's?"

"burger king allows you to have it your way, while mcdonald's forces its menu upon you and decides that you'll be lovin' it"

"also, their kids' meal's name is pushy at best, damning at worst"

"what"

"it's a meal for only when you're happy; what about when i'm feeling melancholy? or wistful? am i not good enough for four chicken nuggets, a small french fry, and a bag of apple slices?"

"the burger king kids' meal is for all kids, regardless of emotional status"

"also, the chicken nuggets are shaped like crowns, showing care and love was put into the food rather than just serving children amorphous blobs of chicken"

"and besides all this, mcdonald's doesn't even have onion rings"

"thatu'so desupicableo"

EPISODE 019: You Rule!
scene: Mute and Newt Nightlight News

"next on mute and newt nightlight news, we have a breaking news exclusive"

"burger king will begin packing toys based on our national heroes, the league of republicans, into their kids' meals"

"the aim is to help set kids down the path of righteousness early; with more information, here's our field reporter live with the burger king himself"

"how do you respond to the allegations that you are packing toys based on the league of republicans into burger king kids' meals"

"this is KFC, burger king is next-door"

"oh"

EPISODE 020: An Inspirational Speech from John F. Kennedy
scene: the podium

"hello, friends; have you ever wanted a body like mine?"

"people all the time are walking up to me and telling me 'JFK, your physique is incredible; how do you do it?'"

"well now i'm ready to tell you all how, with no falsehoods, no baseball caps, as the youths would say"

"tomorrow at noon, i will be at the local KFC to descibe in-depth which of the colonel's flawless poultry graces my lips each and every day of the week"

"there are eleven secret herbs and spices, and i credit them with my continued youthful appearance"

"you, too, can have a body like JFK; just come on down to KFC"

"it's finger-lickin' good"

EPISODE 021: Spinning Our Wheels
scene: Friends Bar

"really, JFK? you reveal yourself to the world as not being dead and the first thing you do is advertise for KFC?"

"the colonel presented me with an offer i couldn't refuse"

"regardless, i didn't lie to the american people; the bowls are famous for a reason"

"how is this going to help us defeat joe biden in the next election"

"the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and what we need right now is to fill america's stomachs with the colonel's eleven secret herbs and spices"

"i, for one, like to grind KFC chicken tenders into a powder and use them to coat dollar store peanuts when i can't afford the good kind; it's finger-lickin' good"

"doesn't this conflict with your burger king thing?"

"not at all; a man can't eat hamburgers every day, so by making our presence known at the absolute pinnacle of both fast food hamburgers and chicken, we have nothing to do but reap the rewards"

"trust the process, barry; we'll need you to film a little caesar's commercial later"

"pizza pizza"

EPISODE 022: Implications
scene: Friends Bar

"did you seriously just imply that little caesar's is the pinnacle of chain pizza"

"it's the cheapest and is ready immediately; we need to appeal to the poor and needy, even if they can't afford better ingredients for better pizza at papa john's"

"besides, have you ever tried little caesar's crazy bread? it's a revelation"

"so what's after that? quiznos?"

"dear god, no"

"it's subway, barry; you know, where you can eat fresh"

"we've had gingrich working on the perfect new sub for their eat fresh refresh menu, but these things take time"

"i got kicked off the submarine sandwich research squad for reasons i don't quite understand"

"you tried to put peanuts on a meatball sub"

"and it was delicious; what's your point?"

EPISODE 023: Research and Development
scene: Japanese Barman's house

"how's submarine sandwich research going, gingrich"

"we are attempting to create a chicken-based sub"

"we are trying to figure out the perfect blend of spices for the chicken; we have eight different spices on it right now"

"we believe that three more will be the perfect number"

"we can't put eleven spices on chicken; we'll start an international war with KFC!!!"

"oh"

"right"

"maybe some kind of hamburger sub"

"we could make a more memorable flavor by flame-broiling the meat"

"why do i even bother"

EPISODE 024: Fast Food Wars
scene: the old cafe

"it has been accomplished, my democratic friends"

"we have successfully negotiated a deal with ronald mcdonald himself to put banana slices into the happy meals to replace the apple slices"

"i love mr. mcdonald's insistence that all children be happy within his restaurant"

"no one wants to go out to eat and see melancholy children"

"and don't even get me started on wistful children"

"now, bill, how go our negotiations with the sailor man?"

"mckinley is currently filming an ad spot, claiming to love that chicken from popeye's"

"excellent; and how is our pizza negotiation going, hillary?"

"papa john has agreed to lend his better ingredients AND his better pizza to our cause"

"excellent; it is all coming together"

EPISODE 025: You Like Huey Lewis and the News?
scene: jungle canteen

"have you heard the news"

"i have heard a lot of news, you will have to be more specific"

"the burger king and ronald mcdonald are back at war with one another after each sided with a different political party"

"that is why i always eat at wendy's; she stays politically neutral"

"also: little caesar and papa john are on the brink of war as well"

"and i have always said that no one out-pizzas the hut"

"finally: colonel sanders and popeye have gone to war"

"i only like my fried chicken consecrated, and exclusively pick it up at church"

"i, too, am a centerist"

"having strong beliefs is for retards"