Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Yamper

Be sure to read the other entries in the Pokémon series first: Pokémon InfernoRed and OceanBlue, Pokémon GlitteringGold and ShimmeringSilver, Pokémon VolcanicRuby and TidalSapphire, Pokémon InfiniteDiamond and BoundlessPearl, Pokémon EternityX and OblivionY, Pokémon BlazingSun and TranquilMoon, Pokémon SharpenedSword and TemperedShield, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Pikachu, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Marill, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Skitty, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Bidoof, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Flabébé, and Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Alolan Vulpix.

CHAPTOUR ONE:
A new participant appears for the Galarian gym challenge. "okay so we require all our gym challengers to wear the OFFICIAL GYM CHALLENGE UNIFORM!!! what number would you like from 0-999" Victoria instantly replies without a second thought. "666" "wow edgy" "and what would you have picked" "69 of course" "wow how original" "i'd rather be normal than an edgelord" "no one's going to remember you at the end of the day but EVERYONE will remember number 666" "sure you just keep thinking that"
Victoria lines up next to all the other new gym challengers. There are far fewer 69s and 420s than last year, with more people instead opting for number 666. "GODDAMMIT"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"yo runner-up in the making, opal has been ceaselessly looking for a replacement for herself for years now and she's finally found not just one but two!!! you'll need a second Pokémon if you want to challenge this gym" "that's uh really lame" Victoria leaves, catches the nearest Pokémon, and returns to the gym to meet its new leaders.
"hallo fräulein wir are die true kings of die galar region (or uh wir WAREN until wir gave die title to die gloria) ich bin ein sordward" "und ich bin ein shielbert" "have at you; GO DIE DOUKLES" "GO DIE KLIKDIKLAK" "GO YAMPER GO uh indeedee or whatever; YAMPER use SIZZLY SCORCH" "just take die verdammt badge"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
Victoria makes her way to Chirchester, hoping to face Melony. "yo runner-up in the making melony was tired of every challenger grabbing at her beautifully fat titties so she left her son gordie in charge" "GODDAMMIT" "gordie is really popular with the girls but melony's popularity transcended so the champion is trying to get her to come back but talks always come to a halt when champion gloria inevitably grabs melony's melons" "maybe she should get a representative in who won't grope melony" "she's tried that; every single one has failed to resist groping melony" "yeah that makes sense"
Victoria disappointedly makes her way through Gordie's gym. "you've done well to make it this far challenger, but you will never make it past my DYNAMAX COALOSSAL" "is THAT what rolycoly evolves into?! what the FUCK" "well champion gloria has put galar's top scientists to work on creating a new item that will force rolycoly to evolve into something cool but until then all we've got is a shitty version of golem" "you admit that it's shitty?" "yeah champion gloria is making me use it so people will understand why the money for cancer research was funneled into rolycoly research" "god bless that champion"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
Victoria makes her way to Spikemuth, which is looking awfully run-down. "what happened did a tornado hit this place" "no runner-up in the making, the people here just like it this way; champion gloria offered to fix it up but they instead asked if they could have more buildings in the city, all made to look pre-run-down" "these are the kind of people who buy pre-ripped pants aren't they"
Victoria makes her way through the alleys of Spikemuth. Just before the gym leader, a citizen of Spikemuth pulls her aside. "psst challenger you know whose gym this is right" "uh no" "well then let me tell you all about marnie: marnie is so cute cuddly LOVE HER want her to ride me all day warm hair so cute so amazing love her need her marnie!!!" "uh-" "here are five facts about marnie!!! 1: marnie is a human!!! 2: she's cute!!! 3: i love her!!! 4: marnie!!!" Victoria slowly backs away, into the gym arena. "you've done well to make it this far cha-" "MARNIE MARNIE SHE'S OUR GIRL" Marnie glares into the crowd. "YOU'VE DONE WELL TO MAKE IT THIS FAR CHALLENGER but you will never make it past my REGULAR-SIZED GRIMMSNARL" "WOOH MARNIE" "MARNIE MARNIE" "go yamper use shiny steely strike!!!" Marnie is defeated, and the crowd begins throwing their food and drinks at Victoria.

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
With the eight badges of Galar in hand, Victoria wins the tournament and earns the right to face Champion Gloria. "champion i challenge you to a battle" "listen i don't have time for this right now; i NEED to find a meltan" "a meltan?" "yeah it's a Pokémon; looks like a little blob with a nut on top" "if i get that for you will you battle me" "yeah sure why not" "okay sounds good" Victoria exits the room, and Gloria returns to her packing.
"hey professor sonia do you know anything about meltan" "oh yeah it's a Pokémon that looks like a little blob with a nut on top" "do you know where i can find one" "they're pretty rare but a few have been seen in kanto lately" "oh cool th-KANTO?!" "yeah pretty lucky that every region has constant flights going to kanto isn't it"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
Victoria roams the Kanto region, asking after Meltan, until finally she makes it to Cerulean City. "yo runner-up in the making if you want a gym battle you'll have to go to the secondary gym down by the bay" "secondary gym?" "well the champion and her champion friends have comandeered the original gym and just kind of float around in the pool all day" "oh the champion might know where i can find a meltan" "well you'll need to earn eight kanto badges if you want to talk to her" "what i'm not asking for a battle, i just-" Victoria sighs and goes off to earn eight badges. "WHAT?! YOU WANT ME TO STICK MY HAND IN THAT?!" "lt. surge is a busy man and has to make sure you really want this" Victoria throws her hands into the air and storms off.
Victoria sneaks around the back of the Cerulean gym and climbs in through a window. Champions Green, Crystal, and Serena all float in the pool as their combined fourteen Pokémon hang out at the edge. Spotting Victoria, Entei begins to howl. "HEY GO TO THE BACKUP GYM THIS ONE'S CLOSED" Green, Crystal, and Serena begin hucking empty Pokeballs at Victoria. "wait wait WAIT i just need to know where to find this Pokémon and then i'll leave" Victoria holds out a picture of Meltan. "really? a Pokémon that's just a little blob with a nut on top? i swear every time they discover a new Pokémon it's worse than the last one" "so you don't know where i can find one" "no now get out"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Victoria returns to Gloria's champion room, dejected. "i'm sorry champion i couldn't find you that meltan" "ah it's okay; i managed to get one on wonder trade" "seriously?" "yeah and can you believe i only put up a wooloo? wonder trade was a mistake and i love it" "um so can we have that battle now" "ah sure; i've got time to kill before my boat arrives anyway" "boat?" "oh yeah i'm going on vacation to the isle of armour" "oh nice" "well have at you then GO CINDERACE" "GO YAMPER" Cinderace absolutely destroys Victoria's Yamper. "well must be off i've got a boat to catch" "uh have fun" "i probably won't but thanks"
THE END