Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Bidoof

Be sure to read the other entries in the Pokémon series first: Pokémon InfernoRed and OceanBlue, Pokémon GlitteringGold and ShimmeringSilver, Pokémon VolcanicRuby and TidalSapphire, Pokémon InfiniteDiamond and BoundlessPearl, Pokémon EternityX and OblivionY, Pokémon BlazingSun and TranquilMoon, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Pikachu, Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Marill, and Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Skitty.

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"hello professor rowan!!! i am new trainer here to get my first Pokémon!!!" "cynthia? what?" "i don't know of this cynthia!!! i am cindy, a teenage girl!!!" "well you do look a fair bit younger than cynthia" "of course!!!" Little does Professor Rowan know that Cynthia used Dialga's powers to become fifteen again. "well uh i just gave out the last turtwig, piplup, and chimchar, but i have uh this thing" Professor Rowan hands Cynthia a Bidoof. "oh man it is adorable!!! thanks professor!!!" Cynthia skips out of Professor Rowan's lab, Bidoof in tow.

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Cynthia skips into the first Pokémon League gym in Oreburgh City, where Roark has been replaced by someone who doesn't suck. "challenger FACE ME DOWN WITH ONLY YOUR BEST" "okay GO BIDOOF" "..." "..." "uh cindy your Pokémon is an hm slave" "thanks i know; he's got nerves of steel!!!" "whatever GO STUNKY" "BIDOOF USE GNASHING GNAW" Bidoof clamps down its powerful teeth onto the Stunky. "OKAY OKAY fine i give up here's your badge" "now come on bidoof we've got rocks to smash and trees to cut down"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"well I SAY the ultimate hm slave is zigzagoon!!!" "no way retard it's totally lickitung!!!" "when was the last time you saw a wild lickitung" "in the safari zone" "yeah, and zigzagoons are on every route" "yeah, in hoenn; they're not even native to sinnoh" The Lickitung fan mockingly holds his hand in front of his face and makes trumpet noises with his mouth. "oh now you have gone TOO FAR; you know you've lost the argument and are now resorting to mocking my home region" Cynthia walks up to the quarreling trainers. "friends friends you are both wrong; BIDOOF is the ideal hm slave!!!" "what no way" "lickitung can cut down trees with his TONGUE there is nothing cooler than that" "maybe so but bidoof can learn every single hm in sinnoh" "what no bidoof can't learn fly" "pfft" Cynthia calls out Bidoof, and sits down on its back. "bidoof fly me to eternia city" "doof" Bidoof leaps into the air and deploys its wingsuit, gliding Cynthia over to Eternia City. "i stand corrected"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
Cynthia heads into Veilstone City and sees the game corner flying a banner that says "under new management". "oh boy i wonder what kind of games they have now" Cynthia enters the game corner, and loud music blares from the speakers. "COME PLAY VOLTORB FLIP IT'S THE GAME CRAZE SWEEPING THE NATION (BY FORCE)" "uh do you have skee ball" "NO ONLY VOLTORB FLIP" "what did you do with the slot machines" "THREW THEM IN THE TRASH WHERE THEY BELONG; VOLTORB FLIP IS THE ONLY GAME FOR ME AND THE ONLY GAME FOR YOU (BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS)" "not for long; i'm gonna open my OWN game corner, with skee ball and whack-a-diglett and blackjack" The owner of the game corner presses a button, locking Cynthia inside. "this is now legally kidnapping" "VOLTORB FLIP WILL FOREVER BE THE ONLY GAME SINNOH PLAYS, JUST AS IT IS IN KANTO AND JOHTO" "kanto? i heard that team rocket took the kanto game corner back over and put in slot machines again" "WHAT" The game corner man leaves the building through a secret exit, and Cynthia follows, hidden.

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
After having defeated the eight gym leaders of Sinnoh, Cynthia heads to Lily of the Valley Island with her Bidoof. She defeats the elite four quickly, and all that remains is the champion, Dawn. "champion dawn i'm here for a match!!!" "not now ca-oh god it's you but like a foot shorter somehow" "mostly i'm just not wearing the heels" "wait you were wearing heels?! but you were always sprinting after me" "it's an important skill for a girl to learn" "whatever leave me alone" "but i beat the elite four and you're supposed to give me a match or maybe a task to catch a legendary for you" "oh uh go catch regigigas for me" "can do!!!"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
After doing some research, Cynthia heads to Hoenn to catch Regice, Registeel, and Regirock. On her way to get Regice, she is stopped in Dewford Town. "hey there miss have you heard of the latest of the hip and also the happening? it's ROMANTIC ENCYCLOPEDIA, without a doubt" "pfft we all know the hippest and most happening is CHAMPION DAWN" "o-of course!!! i always knew it was CHAMPION DAWN i was just testing you i mean ROMANTIC ENCYCLOPEDIA? pfft who even cares about that? it's as lame as THIRSTY BLOCK" With the good word spread, Cynthia catches Regice, Registeel, and Regirock, and makes her way back home to Sinnoh. She travels to Snowpoint Temple, and summons Regigigas by presenting the other three Regis, and captures it swiftly.

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"miss champion i'm back and i've got regigigas for you and a few more regis for good measure" "cynthia are you responsible for this" Dawn presses the play button on the remote, showing a live broadcast from Dewford Town in Hoenn. "hi it's me gabby and i'm here in dewford town to report on the first new trend to hit the town since ROMANTIC ENCYCLOPEDIA some five years ago; tell us more" "well as you know, dewford town is ALWAYS on the latest hip and happening trends, and the official most hip and happening is CHAMPION DAWN, no doubt about it" "the champion of sinnoh? really?" "uh yeah if that's what i said, then it's what i meant" "after this interview, i went all the way to pacifidlog town to speak to hoenn's own champion, may, about the sudden popularity of the sinnohan champion in her own region; she had this to say:" "well-" "and there you have it!!! champion may's powerful words really resonated with me; until next time, i'm gabby and you're watching hoenn action news 5" Dawn turns off the TV. "are you TRYING to start a culture war with hoenn?!" "no but you'd definitely win" "no we wouldn't; hoenn has trumpets, wingulls, water, and THE town that's at the centre of hip and happening!!! what does sinnoh have?! clowns that give out watches?! even johto has phone calls, and when you've got less memorable quirks than JOHTO you know you're in trouble" "that's not true; sinnoh has uh mt coronet" "I DESTROYED THAT MOUNTAIN!!! IT WAS THE FIRST THING I DID WHEN I BECAME CHAMPION" "oh right" "so you want that battle or not? i need to relieve some stress" "OH right let's do it GO BIDOOF" "GO TORTERRA USE WOOD HAMMER" Torterra pummels Bidoof into submission. "oh wow champion dawn you're so good i'll be back next week" "i need to get out of this shithole"
THE END