Jakey's Angels (season 5)

EPYSODE ONE:
"all right ladies; there is a plot going on to assassinate the king bran at tonight's book club meeting" "oh no not our fair and just ruler" "why doesn't he just cancel book club" Jakey, Grace, and Kathy glare at Gwendolyn for asking such a dumb question. King Bran would NEVER abandon the book club. "s-sorry" "luckily, we have intercepted the plans for the assassination, and know that there will be three snipers; one in this book depository, one on this grassy knoll, and one across town buying donuts for the others after a job well done" "DIBS ON THE DONUT SHOP" "GODDAMMIT" "you would want to take the donut shop kathy; even more carbs to go straight to your fat ass" "why you" Kathy tackles Gwendolyn and the two roll across the floor in a cloud of dust. "LADIES THERE IS NO TIME TO FIGHT THE KING'S LIFE DEPENDS ON YOU KILLING THE ASSASSINS" "WE'LL MANAGE IT" Kathy and Gwendolyn roll out the door into the back of the Angelmobile as Grace sighs and grabs her keys.

EPYSODE TWO:
"all right gwendolyn, your job is to take out the assassin in the book depository" "it's a really good thing i have increased resistance to boredom, or i'd fall asleep just from being near this many books" Gwendolyn carefully sneaks around the bookshelves until she gets to the top floor of the book depository, where The Henchman kneels with his rifle aimed out the window. "shit jakey it's the henchman" "yeah of course it's-" "no i mean THE henchman" "he's broken out of jail?!" "mmm i suppose so" "watch out, his powers are as vague and ambiguous as ever" "right" Gwendolyn sneaks up behind The Henchman and sinks her teeth into his neck. "GWENDOLYN WE'RE TRYING TO PREVENT AN ASSASSINATION NOT HAVE A MIDNIGHT SNACK" "oh right i always get those two confused" Gwendolyn grabs a nearby broken yardstick and jams it into The Henchman's heart, turning him to dust. "mission accomplished" "passable job gwendo" "that's what i strive for"

EPYSODE THREE:
"all right grace, your job is to take out the assassin on the grassy knoll" "um quick question; what's a knoll" "like a hill" "why not just say hill then" "because grassy knoll sounds better" "not really; obfuscating the meaning of our orders just makes it more likely that we'll fail to protect the king bran" "just get to it" "fine fine" Grace crawls along the ground up the grassy knoll and finds a woman aiming through her sniper rifle at the book club entrance. Grace thunks her on the head, knocking her out. "got a sniper knocked out boss" "great job gracie; do you have any idea who he was" "she" "whatever" Grace flips over the unconscious body and sees a nametag that says 'Hello! My name is Sophia'. "sophia" "never heard of her" "neither have i" "well since it's a first time offense i think we can let it slide; just make sure she doesn't have any bullets left when she comes to" "got it boss"

EPYSODE FOUR:
"all right kathy, your job is to take out the guy buying donuts for the assassins and confiscate the donuts for us to eat later" "can do boss" Kathy positions herself outside the front door of the donut shop, ready to clothesline the criminal as he exits the shop, but she doesn't expect that this is no mere criminal, but THE GURGLER. As the door opens, Kathy holds out her arm, but The Gurgler has already gurgled his way to half power and snaps Kathy's arm like a twig. "OW FUCK" "WHAT'S WRONG KATHY" "IT'S THE GURGLER; HE'S BROKEN MY ARM" "oh dear which one" "the left one so it's not as bad as it could have been" "good to hear; should i send in backup" "NO i can do this on my own" "call back if you change your mind" "will do" In the time it took Kathy to converse with Jakey, The Gurgler has taken a hostage and begun gurgling again. Kathy ducks inside the entryway and puts her arm in a makeshift sling, then runs to the counter. "I NEED A BOSTON CREME DONUT" "coming right up" Taylor grabs a single Boston creme donut and hands it to Kathy. "that will be-" Before Taylor can utter the dollar amount, Kathy has already run into the street. "sigh i'll just put it on her tab" Kathy hucks the donut straight into The Gurgler's open mouth, cutting his gurgling short and also cutting off his air supply. Kathy puts The Gurgler in handcuffs and carefully removes the donut from his mouth, covering it with a slightly smaller gag. "great job kathy; get those donuts back to hq right away" "yes sir"

EPYSODE FIVE:
"good job ladies; you have successfully averted the assassination of king bran, and he was able to deliver a rousing speech to the book club about his favourite story, the boy who cried HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT" "oh i love that one" "it is a great read, but more importantly, king bran has sent us all presents as a token of his gratitude" "oh boy" "i love free things" "let's see; this one's for grace; it's a copy of king bran's new book" "how nice" "this one's for gwendolyn; it's a copy of king bran's new book" "uh-huh" "this one's for kathy; it's a copy of king bran's new book" "i'm sensing a pattern here" "and this one's for me; it's a copy of king bran's new book" "what a surprise" "he personalised each copy if it's worth anything" "oh great; a personalised doorstop" "'thank you for your help grace; call me'" "he didn't ask me to call him" "jakey no offense but you're like a dude" "oh right"
THE END