Pokémon Let's Fucking Go Minccino

Be sure to first read the other entires in the Pokémon series posted above this one in the navigation menu.

CHAPTOUR ONE:
New trainer Viola enters Striaton City with her first and only Pokémon, looking for the gym. She is greeted by a man with green hair. "hello and welcome to the striaton gym, my name is cilan; here, we have three leaders, and determine your opponent by what your first pokémon is" "oh okay; my first and only pokémon is minccino!!!" "m-minccino" "yes; he is cute and i love him" "um one second" Cilan sprints into the gym in a panic. "we've got a challenger?" "all right i am raring to go (provided she chose the smug grass snake)" "so what did she choose brother" "MINCCINO" "uh" "is that even an option?!" "cress do we have a fourth brother" "no but we will have to make one" Cress huddles his brothers around and begins whispering conspiratorily.
"okay challenger, thank you for waiting; you get to face our rarely-seen fourth brother!!! introducing (tum)ERIC!!!" "hello challenger; i hope for a fair and square battle GO MANKEY" "GO MINCCINO USE FLOATY FALL!!!" Minccino leaps into the air and falls onto Mankey, defeating it in one blow. "WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS NOT COOL"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Viola enters Icirrus City, home to a Pokémon gym. "YO RUNNER-UP IN THE MAKING this gym features sick-ass ski jumps" "they do look sick, but what happens if i miss a jump" "well obviously, you fall into the bottomless pit below" "b-BOTTOMLESS?!" "yeah this gym is only for the most radical dudes and dudettes" "well if rosa can face this gym so can i!!!" "actually rosa didn't face this gym; she went the other way around the region" "well i'm sure she COULD have done it if she had wanted to so it still applies" "fair enough"
"hello trainer my name is brycen" "b-BRYCEN?! from the brycen-man movies?!" "you've heard of me?!" "yeah YEAH the brycen-man movies are my favourites!!!" "yeah YEAH?!" "ROSA IS SO AWESOME!!! THE WAY SHE DEFEATED YOU WAS AMAZING!!!" Brycen's gaze narrows. "ENOUGH!!! HAVE AT YOU!!! GO CRYOGONAL" "GO MINCCINO USE SIZZLY SCORCH!!!" Minccino melts Brycen's special snowflake Pokémon. "just take the damn badge"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
While exploring Humilau City, Viola accidentally stumbles into a TPA meeting. "my name is team plasma grunt and i have gone six months without stealing a pokémon, but yesterday i broke my other streak" "oh no tell us about it please" "yesterday, i-i-i I STOMPED ON A POKéMON ON PURPOSE" "please give us the details" "there i was on route 13 and i saw this beached mantyke just sitting there so poor and helpless and and and STOMPABLE" "and you stomped it?" "I STOMPED THAT MANTYKE WITH EVERYTHING I HAD!!! IT FELT SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!" "but grunt think of how the pokémon feels; it probably doesn't like being stomped" "i know but-" "team plasma grunt, we've brought in someone special today" "oh no" "oh yes; we saw you stomp that mantyke, and we brought it in for you today" The Humilau gym leader walks in carrying the Mantyke. "be apologise to de young mantyke an ting seen? you an i an i boat be know dat stompin de mantyke be wrong an ting; any bombaclot can be stompin de mantyke but only de true rasta be ownin up to de mistake he make an ting; do de right ting mon" "I'M SO SORRY MANTYKE!!! I PROMISE NOT TO STOMP ON YOU EVER AGAIN!!!" The former Team Plasma grunt bursts into tears. "dere dere mon; you do de right ting here today seen? it be take real mon to be apologisin an ting" "thanks mr gym leader; i needed that" "any time mon just be callin out to de sea an i an i come runnin seen? we be like brudda now an ting"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
After getting eight badges from the Unova region, Viola is ready to challenge champion Rosa. "champion rosa i'm your biggest fan!!! can you autograph my striped panties" "oh uh sure" "also can i have a battle with you; i've got the badges and everything" "listen i need a favour" "NAME IT!!!" "the pokémon world tournament is coming up and i want to win so i need a victini; i've heard there's one over at liberty garden, but i can't board a ship to get there because of my motion sickness" "I WILL PROCURE THIS POKéMON FOR YOU MA'AM!!!" "that's my girl"
Viola soon arrives at Liberty Garden, home to the Statue of Huddled Masses, which has recently had a pair of cute buns added to its head in honour of champion Rosa. Viola wanders through the statue's base until she finds Victini, chilling out on its computer. "victini? champion rosa needs your help" Victini sends a thought wave over to Viola, telling her that he one kill away from his first epic victory royale. He soon thanks Viola for her patience, and hops into her pokéball.

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
While waiting for Viola, Rosa heads over land to Undella Bay, where all the champions are hanging out. "hello and welcome to unova" Green is taken aback. "unova?! i was told the pokémon world tournament was being held in kanto!!!" "i did think it was kind of odd that we'd have such a long plane ride to stay in kanto" "well sorry girls but we couldn't just say it was in unova; no one would come" "yeah i've heard nothing but bad things about unova" "also um you may want to keep your pokémon in their balls; team plasma's remnants love to stomp on them" "oh no!!! not my adorable bulbasaur!!!" Serena holds her Bulbasaur tightly while Team Plasma members in the bushes breathe heavily, wanting nothing more than to stomp on that Bulbasaur. "hey uh where's hoenn's champion, may" "oh she's absorbing the local music" "she must be yelling at them for not having a trumpet-player" "actually, secretly, she loves hearing music without trumpets for the first time in years" "huh never would have guessed"
While the other champions exchange tales of thirsty guards, dancing for no reason, and a blonde demoness, Dawn is being forced on a tour of Cynthia's villa. "and THIS is the massage table!!!" "you've shown me this five times already" "well i just think you could use a massage" "can we go outside now? i'm missing valuable mingling time with the other champions" "not until i've shown you the basement, which features a big bed big enough for both of us, and, of course, the bathtub filled with rose petals!!!" "at least luna was able to kill HER blonde demoness"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
Finally, Viola pulls up to Rosa with Victini. "thanks i'll battle you after the tournament" "okay thanks" "LADIES AND uh OTHER LADIES!!! WELCOME TO THE POKéMON WORLD TOURNAMENT!!! luckily, there are only eight champions here today, so the bracket works out perfectly" "how nice" "BEHOLD!!! THE RANDOM SEEDING!!! you're only allowed to use one pokémon as agreed upon by all parties before the tournament began" The tournament begins, and Green's Venusaur easily overpowers Serena's Greninja, May's Swampert destroys Gloria's Cinderace, Dawn's Torterra demolishes Luna's Pikachu, and Rosa's Samurott douses Crystal's Typhlosion. In the second round, Green's Venusaur handily defeats May's Swampert, and Rosa's Samurott freezes Dawn's Torterra.
The final round begins; Green vs Rosa. "somehow i knew the women from kanto would be in the finals" "well kanto was voted the best region for the last twenty-five years by national pokégraphic" "well that ends today GO SAMUROTT" "GO VENUSAUR" The battle is long and hard, but Rosa's Victini tries its utmost to allow Rosa to win despite the type disadvantage her Samurott is facing. "all right it's time to try this out; MEGA EVOLVE!!!" Green's Venusaur mega evolves into Mega Venusaur. "thank you serena for the mega stone, and thank you luna for THIS: USE BLOOM DOOM!!!" Mega Venusaur uses its devastating z-move, destroying Samurott in no time flat. "wait WAIT you can't use mega evolution AND a z-move at the same time!!!" "i don't see why not; i have two wrists, one for each bracelet, and venusaur has two hands, one for each stone" "yeah you're just jealous that samurott can't mega evolve" "that's beside the point" "yeah the point is that green won" Crystal raises Green's arm to the sky as she is crowned Pokémon World Tournament champion; the champion of champions.

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Rosa returns home and immediately kicks over a trash can. "i should have known the girl from KANTO would win; everyone LOVES kanto" "i-if it makes you feel any better rosa, i still think you're the best" "that does make me feel a bit better; let's have that battle now" "all right!!! GO MINCCINO" "GO SAMUROTT" Rosa's overleveled Samurott easily defeats Viola's Minccino. "that's why you're the champion!!! hey um do you need a crony to boss around? because i'm available" "i've always wanted a crony" "so what should i do first boss?!" "go through these movie scripts and reject anything that sounds like fetish porn" "can do boss!!!"
THE END