Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] [Remaster] V

CHAPTOUR ONE:
The phone rings. Ainsley Harriott exits the back room, towelling off his scalp, and answers the phone. "sorry, not open for business yet" Ainsley Harriott hangs up his phone. "i haven't even given this place a name yet, and already i'm getting calls" Ainsley Harriott grabs a slice of pizza and grins in a manner that would frighten a small child. Ainsley Harriott takes a bite of pizza and walks over to the kitchen. "... stu... what are you doing" "making chocolate pudding" "it's four o'clock in the morning; why on earth are you making chocolate pudding" Stu stares at Ainsley Harriott with a lifeless look in his eyes. "because i've lost control of my life" Ainsley Harriott drops his slice of pizza to the ground and rushes over to put on his vest. "it's going to be okay, i promise" Ainsley Harriott grabs Stu by the hand and drags him outside, where Adam Lambert is poking at the dirt with a stick. "hey guys what's going on" "adventure" "holy shit i fucking love adventure can i come" "no it is too dangerous" "oh okay then" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU INSIST ON COMING ALONG" "i'm not a child any more; i'm in high school now i do what i want" "the road ahead is dangerous and you have not yet proven yourself" "i have totally proven myself" "oh all right then" Ainsley Harriott, Stu, and Adam Lambert march forward to meet A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Big Mother Truckers. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"HALT" "wow this guy is pretty obnoxious" "this is a no-adventuring zone, as decreed by the obnoxious celtic council of which i am an obnoxious celtic servant" "but we need to adventure here" "the obnoxious celtic law clearly states that no adventures may be undertaken in this zone unless the party or parties that wish to adventure pass three obnoxious celtic trials" "ALL RIGHT LET'S DO THIS" "..." "..." "..." "..." "um did you have any obnoxious celtic trials in mind" "no, the obnoxious celtic council is not picky" "well guess we'd better split up and each tackle an obnoxious celtic trial" "sounds like a plan" Stu heads north to a nearby village. "oh hello there youngster welcome to our village; of course, our village isn't the same as it used to be, as obnoxious celtic fire bears have been ravaging the town and its citizens; why just the other day my boy charlington james was attacked by a vicious obnoxious celtic fire bear" Stu holds his head up high, as he knows what his Obnoxious Celtic Trial must be. To end the suffering of Charlington James and the town as a whole, Stu races off to City Hall to get the paperwork for Charlington James to get his name changed, then races to his side. "it's gonna be all right kid; you won't have to suffer any more" "you mean-" "yes, you can now have any name you want" "SCOOTER BROWN SCOOTER BROWN" "it is done" Stu fills out Scooter Brown's name-change forms and sends them in, pleased that he was able to help someone in pain. As a reward for his heroic efforts, the town awards Stu with a plaque in the shape of the national animal, AN OBNOXIOUS CELTIC HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Command and Conquer: Generals: Zero Hour. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Bran runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job bran" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"well guess we'd better split up and each tackle an obnoxious celtic trial" "sounds like a plan" Ainsley Harriott heads east to a nearby farmhouse at the base of a tall mountain. "help we are being held hostage by obnoxious celtic bandits" "I'LL SAVE YOU" Ainsley Harriott draws his sword and charges to the mouth of a large cave. "BRING BACK MOUNTAIN DEW PITCH BLACK" "i keep telling you i just harvest the dew of the mountain i am not involved with the business end-" "ENOUGH OF YOUR LIES" The Obnoxious Celtic Bandit Chief slices the peasant's throat. "dude what the fuck" "i am sorry but it had-" "mountain dew pitch black is absolute garbage, especially when compared to mountain dew voltage" "YOU WILL DIE FOR YOUR LIES HEATHEN" The Obnoxious Celtic Bandit Chief charges at Ainsley Harriott, but is defeated by a swift slice of Ainsley Harriott's sword. Ainsley Harriott reaches into his fanny pack and grabs an ice cold Mountain Dew Voltage. Ainsley Harriott twists open the top and pours the icy blue beverage down his throat. "just like heaven, baby" Ainsley Harriott re-caps his beverage and walks straight into AN OBNOXIOUS CELTIC HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Bridge. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Taylor runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job taylor" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"well guess we'd better split up and each tackle an obnoxious celtic trial" "sounds like a plan" Adam Lambert heads west to a nearby pub. "BARTENDER I'D LIKE A DRINK PROVIDE ME WITH A DRINK MENU" The Obnoxious Celtic Bartender hands Adam Lambert an Obnoxious Celtic Drink Menu. "let's see, mountain dew, mountain dew code red, mountain dew livewire, mountain dew voltage, mountain dew throwback, mountain dew baja blast, mountain dew gamer fuel... uh where's mountain dew pitch black" The Obnoxious Celtic Bartender looks from side-to-side. "follow me" The Obnoxious Celtic Bartender leads Adam Lambert through a series of catacombs to the basement. "i'm not really an obnoxious celtic bartender" "oh no is this one of those stories i've heard about on television where someone asks for a mountain dew pitch black and is led by a strange bartender who is not really a bartender into a catacombs and then brutally beaten and also raped" The Obnoxious Celtic Bartender casts off his disguise to reveal his true identity. "JACK WHITE" Jack White nods. "i have in my posession the last two bottles of mountain dew pitch black on this earth; i was saving them to share with someone who truly appreciates the subtle flavours" "well shit dog that's me" Jack White nods and hands Adam Lambert one of the two bottles. Adam Lambert rolls the bottle around in his hands, knowing that this is the last he will ever sample such a delectible soft drink. As he twists the cap and the sound of the bottle opening fills his ears, a single tear wells up in Adam Lambert's left eye. As he raises the bottle to his mouth, the single tear slowly streams down, only reaching the end of his chin as the sugary mixture hits his lips. As soon as the brilliant grape rush of Mountain Dew Pitch Black hits Adam Lambert's taste buds, the single tear hits the floor without a sound, soaking into the musty wooden floor. As the bottle empties, more single tears find their way to the floor from both Adam Lambert and Jack White. The floor is eventually soaked through with liquid joy and liquid sorrow, the bittersweet single tears of two men about to enter a dark age of flavourlessness. The two men finish their drinks and leave the bottles behind; the memories are too painful to bring with them. As time goes, the sorrow will turn to fond remembrance of their favourite soft drink, but for now, whenever liquid hits their lips, it will only remind them of what once was. As the two head back up to the bar, ready to set back out on their journey, they are attacked by someone who can smell the forbidden mixture on their lips, someone who wants to open up their stomachs and drink whatever is inside. Adam Lambert and Jack White try to defend themselves from AN OBNOXIOUS CELTIC HARLEQUIN FOETUS CUSTOMER
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip MX vs. ATV Unleashed. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Eif runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job eif" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"obnoxious celtic guardian we have completed the obnoxious celtic trials" "oh cool you can totally pass now and shit" "oh goody" "hey uh can i hang out with you for a while my obnoxious celtic girlfriend left me and now i don't have an obnoxious celtic place to stay" "say no more, you are like family to us obnoxious celtic guardian" "thank you so much adam lambert" "GUYS I HAVE HORRIBLE NEWS" "oh no" "WE ARE NOT TESTING WELL WITH THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC" "oh DEAR" "they are planning to replace us with the original cast of sabrina the teenage witch" "that is a sound decision, as harvey alone can carry a faltering franchise" "also we won't get paid" "THE BASTARDS" "quick we have to do something our target demographic of sixteen-to-thirty-year-old males will like" "I'VE GOT IT" The Stu symbol flashes on the screen. "b-5" "OH SHIT YEAH THAT'S BINGO MOTHERFUCKERS AW YEAH" Stu jumps up onto his chair and thrusts his pelvis into the air repeatedly. "NONE CAN OPPOSE ME, AS I AM STU, THE BINGO KING" "hey cool can we play something else stu" "ADDRESS ME BY MY TITLE, PEASANT" "can we play something else, king stu" "NAY I SAY, AS THE OFFICIAL STU 'N' PALS CHARTER STATES THAT THE WINNER OF THE GAME PICKS THE NEXT GAME, AND I, STU, THE BINGO KING, ONCE AGAIN PICK BINGO" "so if we beat you at bingo we get to choose the game?" "HA THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE, FOR I, STU, THE BINGO KING, HAVE NEVER LOST" "shit" "PREPARE THE BINGO BALLS" The bingo balls are all dropped back into the bingo ball chute. The chute is spun and the numbers are called out. Adam Lambert, Jack White, Ainsley Harriott, and Obnoxious Celtic Guardian sit in utter silence, prepared to face their fate. For one does not enter a bingo contest with Stu, the bingo king, without being prepared to spend the rest of his days being bested by the bingo king himself. No hope exists once a game is begun, only bingo. Bingo is love. Bingo is life. Something about A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip NASCAR Heat 2002. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Tony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job tony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"hey jack white check out this thing i invented" "eh it's not that great" Stu's mouth falls open as a look of disgust and anger washes over his face. "do you mean to insult my HONOUR dear sir" "yeah sure why not" Stu takes off his glove and slaps Jack White across the face with it. "I CHALLENGE YOU TO STEELHEART CDS AT DAWN" "I ACCEPT" The two men turn around on one heel and walk off to perfect their strategy. As dawn comes, the two men appear in the clearing where Adam Lambert holds the selection of Steelheart CDs. Stu's eyes linger on the self-titled, but he instead opts to use Good 2B Alive, intending to destroy Jack White with its raw power. Jack White grabs a copy of Tangled in Reins, which instead focuses on its balance and precision. The two men take ten paces in opposite directions. Stu stealthily changes the title of Good 2B Alive to Good 4B Alive, doubling its already impressive power. "DRAW" The two turn around instantaneously and chuck their Steelheart CDs with all their might. Stu's Good 4B Alive barely misses Jack White's head, but Jack White's Tangled in Reins hits its mark and embeds itself in Stu's skull. Stu falls to the floor, dishonoured and dying. "WE HAVE A WINNER" Adam Lambert raises Jack White's arm into the air and hands him the Championship Belt. "HOLD ON A MINUTE" Adam Lambert walks over to Stu's Good 4B Alive and hands it to Jack White. "STU CHEATED AND HE STILL LOST" "oh, did i?" The copy of Good 4B Alive explodes, killing both Jack White and Adam Lambert instantly. Stu crawls over to their corpses and retreives the Championship Belt before dying of blood loss. The corpses rot and decay, not found for decades, until their skeletons and the Championship Belt are discovered by A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Fire Emblem: Fūin no Tsurugi. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Michelle runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of light. Light shoots from Michelle's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job michelle" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"you get one phone call" "STU YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME THEY ARE ACCUSING ME OF MURDERING STU" "oh dear" "well that's all i had to say and there's a line forming for the phone so-" "WAIT i just had a brilliant idea" "tell me the idea" "nah i don't think you will appreciate the brilliance of the idea" "come on tell me" "well okay; what if i became your lawyer" "that is a great idea; with you on my side, the jury will be powerless to defeat me" "yes" Two days pass, and the trial begins. Stu shuffles his papers and prepares to deliver his opening statement. "jack white did you kill stu" "no" "i rest my case" "oh wow" "i can't refute that" "me either" "we of the jury find the defendant not guilty" "yay hooray" Confetti rains down from the ceiling as Stu and Jack White exit the courtroom. "wow stu that was amazing" "yes here is my fee" Stu hands Jack White a bill. "FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?!" "i also accept payment in snickers bars" "oh cool, here you go" Jack White hands Stu 500,000 Snickers bars. "thank you muchly" Stu sits down and prepares to dig into his bounty of Snickers. Jack White heads for home to begin his novel, "I Did It: The Jack White Story". The novel is a success, selling millions of copies and inspiring just as many people to become authors and also murderers. Victims include Jack White himself and A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Mongolian Roulette. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Amiee :3 runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of pastry. Pastry shoots from Amiee :3's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job amiee :3" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"okay what've you got" "pair of twos" "three threes" "full house, queens over nines" "FOUR OF A KIND MOTHERFUCKERS" Stu begins to rake in his winnings, but Adam Lambert holds up his hand and shakes his head, a confident grin on his face. "come on you can't beat four of a kind" "i can, and i did" "wait you don't mean-" "THE UNSTOPPABLE EXODIA" "AUGH IT'S NOT POSSIBLE" "read 'em and weep motherfucker" Adam Lambert rakes in his winnings, knocking Stu out of the game. "i fucking knew we shouldn't have unbanned pot of greed" "if we had been playing bingo, this would never have happened" "that is true" "yes, i cannot dispute your claim" "bing bong" "oh good the pizza's here" Ainsley Harriott gets up to answer the door. "oh wait i do not have any money because adam lambert won all of my money" "yeah me too" "that is true for myself as well" "and me" "well i paid for the pizza last time so it's not my problem" "but-" "NOT my problem" "but-" "IT'S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM JESUS CHRIST" "sigh" Ainsley Harriott answers the door. "hello i have got your pizza; that will be 14.99$ plus tip" "will you accept a friendly handshake instead" "well okay" Ainsley Harriott and Pizza-Deliverin' Patrick gave eachother the friendliest handshake they can muster. "wow you're really good at friendly handshakes" "i know here is my card" Ainsley Harriott hands Pizza-Deliverin' Patrick his business card, and receives the pizza in exchange. "thank you very" "oh boy i can't wait to dig into this pizza" "yes i am glad we ordered it with extra HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Breakout. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Sheriff Antony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of imagination. Imagination shoots from Sheriff Antony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job sheriff antony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"hello sabrina i am having a problem typical of a teenager" "OH DEAR" "yeah well i guess i'll power through it and gain knowledge and maturity from the experience" "nah fuck that ALAKAZAM" "wow all my problems are solved as if by magic thank you sabrina" "don't thank me; i'm just doing my job" Harvey skips off, ready to take on the world. "OH GOD NO I AM SUFFERING FROM CONSEQUENCES DUE TO THE MAGICAL NATURE OF HOW MY PROBLEMS WERE SOLVED" "OH NO I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING EVEN THOUGH IT HAPPENS EVERY EPISODE" "CUT" "what's wrong director jakey" "yeah i thought i played the part of a normal teenager who also happens to be a witch pretty convincingly" "it turns out the market for jokes about sabrina the teenage witch is like one guy" "what but sabrina the teenage witch was one of the most popular shows of 1998" "it turns out the show was cancelled ten years ago and no one told me" "what then what have we been doing these last ten years" Jakey shrugs. "well you know the saying; strike while the iron is cold and dusty from laying forgotten and abandonned for so long" Jakey scribbles something on a clipboard. "we can still salvage this if we make a few creative tweaks; harvey you get to be harvey" "IT'S A ROLE I WAS BORN TO PLAY" "and sabrina can be A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Chinese Checkers. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Kathy runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of knives. Knives shoots from Kathy's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job kathy" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"okay i couldn't sell you on the cactii, but how about these LEGENDARY WEAPONS" "well uh" "they don't look so legendary to me" "but they were used to slay the horrible monster!!!" "what horrible monster" "you know that one that was terrorising that nation" "what nation" "uh baltimore" "what was the beast's name" "uh baltimorious" "oh yeah, that guy" The five pay for their legendary swords and exit the factory, and are immediately eaten by a giant plant. "aw we didn't even have time to make snide comments" "and i had the best one lined up!!!" "really what was it" "nah the moment's passed" "come on tell me" "no" "please" "okay, it was 'that-'" "no you have to do the voice" "the... voice?" "you know the bran voice" "you mean... my voice?" "no i mean the 'oh look i am bran rargh'" "oh right; ahem: 'that is the third-largest plant i have ever seen'" "..." "..." "better than last time at least" "anyway now how do we get out of here" "taylor, use your grass powers!!!" "i have wind powers" "goddammit" "why are you so useless taylor" "hey i have an idea" "tell me the idea" "let's BURN the plant" "..." "..." "EIF THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY JOKES" "HEY MY JOKES ARE GREAT" "0/10" "FUCK" "guys let's ICE the plant" "great idea bran!!!" "but guys fire-" "eif stop being mad just because your power is shitty and not very effective against grass" Bran blasts the planet with ice, freeing the five. "it sure is cold here in the vacuum of space" "i've been colder" Suddenly, someone changes the bag. "oh no i did not see this coming" The five are emptied into a trash can, where they find A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Monopoly: Baltimore Edition. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Mr. Sock runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of sandals. Sandals shoots from Mr. Sock's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job mr sock" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"hey bendik i have thought of a way to steal back the main character slot!!!" "oh boy tell me it" "okay so first we need a lot of pudding; like fifteen gallons of it" "uh i'm having trouble imagining what this pudding is for" "THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BIG PROBLEM" Sheriff Antony winks and wraps his arm around Bendik. "fortunately for you i have a SOLUTION; for just 19.95$ i will give you the power of IMAGINATION" "oh man i want-" "BUT WAIT call in the next ten minutes and we'll include this uh thing" "i can't imagine what that might be" "BUT I CAN" "TAKE MY MONEY PLEASE" Bendik gives all his money to Sheriff Antony, and receives a compact disc in return. Bendik pops it into his mouth, and immediately sets to work imagining A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Blaster Master. "So Like" "yeah?" "What Now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "But I Already Have Them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "Take That Back" "okay yeah that was mean" "Okay" Robert Truckdriver runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of Damage Inc.. Damage Inc. shoots from Robert Truckdriver's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job robert truckdriver" "yeah you're pretty cool" "You Mean It?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"guys the rpgboot is almost over and we haven't even cast a villain yet" "oh fuck i knew i was forgetting something" "don't worry i've got this covered" Bran props up a cardboard cut-out of a spooky ghost. "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT" "I AM WELL AND THOROUGHLY SPOOKED" "now to defeat it" "WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY" "WE CAN'T DEFEAT THAT THING" "POOR TAYLOR IS TOO SPOOKED TO EVEN MOVE" A high-pitched noise quietly yet continuously emits from Taylor's agape mouth as he stands paralysed with fear. "I SURRENDER MR GHOST" "YOU ARE FAR TOO POWERFUL FOR US" "guys it's just cardboard" Bran knocks over the cardboard cut-out. "BRAN HAS DEFEATED THE TERROR THAT HAS TAKEN OVER OUR KINGDOM" "HE SHALL BE THE TRUE KING" "but i'm already-" "HIP HIP HOORAY" "ALL HAIL KING BRAN, SAVIOUR OF ALABAMA" "THAT MEANS YOU TAYLOR" Taylor continues to stand, paralysed with fear. If the spooky ghost could bring so much terror and destruction to Alabama, what's stopping the man who defeated the terror from doing the same on a much grander scale? As Taylor's mind races and his vocal cords continuously emit a quiet, high-pitched noise, he is carried to the gallows for not bowing in deference to the true king of Alabama. As Taylor's mind continues to imagine grander destruction and terror from Alabama's king, and his vocal cords continue to emit the aforementioned noise, a single tear streams down his cheek. Jakey fits Taylor with his noose while the sheer terror Taylor has already faced and imagined make his execution seem like a sweet, sweet release. The noise coming from Taylor's vocal cords only ceases when Taylor's neck is broken by the noose and gravity itself. The kingdom bows in deference to their new king, ready for his rule; the rule of the strongest; the saviour of Alabama. Never once does the kingdom think their saviour might be worse than their former oppressor; as even if their new king brings nothing but destruction and terror to Alabama, he is nowhere near as spooky as that ghost.

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"mother i have returned" "who are you" "your son, tony" "i don't have a son" "but wait that means..." Tony fades from existence. "..." "..." "how did" "lo all" Stevman teleports in on his time machine, does a kneeslide, and plays a powerchord. "THAT'S OUR STEVMAN" Michelle walks up to the group and rests her arms on their shoulders. "take me home"
THE END