Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] [Remaster] II

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"it is time for an adventure!!!" "but bendik you just had an adventure last week" "margaret it is in my family's BLOOD to adventure; for me not to adventure would be like a sanic not going fast" "but your father just stays inside all day playing japanese dating simulators" "that is to PREPARE for an adventure he will partake later in life; the most important adventure of all" "and that would be... ?" "finding his waifu" "uh" "i am not yet ready to find my waifu and i must instead go on a smaller adventure like this one i found in the want ads" Bendik holds up a newspaper clipping. "adventurer wanted to slay evil dragon" "it's a bit easy but you take what you can get" "but you don't have a weapon" "i will take the ancestral blade of my ancestors" "that's redundant, also the ancestral blade of your ancestors is actually just a rake" "JUST A RAKE?!" Bendik grabs the Ancestral Blade of his ancestors. "THIS 'RAKE' HAS SLAIN COUNTLESS FOES ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE" "were your foes leaves?" "SOME OF THEM" "and was the field of battle our backyard?" "... MAYBE" Bendik's father walks in and takes off his belt. "bendik i forbid you to take the ancestral blade of our ancestors" "but fatherrrrrrrrr" "no buts i need that to find my pure virgin waifu" "but-" "NO BUTS" "but-" "NO FUCKING BUTS OR DO YOU WISH TO FACE A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Leap Frog. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Bendik puts his hands in his pockets and whistles badly while walking away from the burning wreckage of his house. "HEY ARE YOU GOING ON AN ADVENTURE I AM GOING ON AN ADVENTURE TOO LET'S BE ADVENTURE BUDDIES" "uh-" "GREAT LET'S GO ADVENTURE BUDDY" "but-" "HEY LOOK A CAVE LET'S GO EXPLORE IT ADVENTURE BUDDY" Cale prances into the cave, and Bendik mopes behind him. "OH LOOK A TREASURE ADVENTURE BUDDY LET US OPEN IT ADVENTURE BUDDY" Cale dances around the chest as Bendik opens it. "hello" "hello" "OH LOOK ANOTHER ADVENTURE BUDDY COME ON ADVENTURE BUDDIES LET US EXPLORE THIS CAVE" "sigh" Bendik and Orange follow Cale to the other end of the cave. "OH WELL ADVENTURE BUDDIES I GUESS THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS CAVE EXCEPT FOR A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Kings Quest V. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Bran runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job bran" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"hello there can i interest any of you gentlemen in some fine electricity powers" Jakey sweeps his hand over a row of compact discs. "how does it work" "it's simple!!! you just insert the disc into the appropriate slot and you will be able to do this" Jakey grips a nearby stereo with his left hand, and pumps electricity into it, causing Heart's "What About Love" to pour from the speakers. "oh god how much" Orange rips out his wallet, tearing off his back pocket in the process. "how much you say? well how much do you expect? fifty alabama fun bux? a hundred alabama fun bux? oh no, today only, and only because i like you, i will sell you these fine electricity powers that are totally not illegal rips from an original copy for just 19.95 (plus shipping and handling)" "i'll ta-" "BUT WAIT CALL NOW AND WE'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER THAT'S TWO FINE ELECTRICITY POWERS FOR JUST 19.95" "YES I WI-" "BUT WAIT THER-" "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY" Jakey takes Orange's money and hands him two compact discs. "thank you for your patronage" Orange inserts the compact disc into his disc tray, and opens "totally not a virus.exe", which summons A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Riven: The Sequel to Myst. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Taylor runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job taylor" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"WOOH I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN WINDSURFING" Taylor glides and hits the ground. "OH CAN I AND MY ADVENTURE BUDDIES TRY IT" "oh sorry the wind just died" "aw" "OH WAIT" Taylor wiggles his hand in Cale's face, creating a swift breeze. "YES, YOU TOO CAN ENJOY PARASAILING, PARAGLIDING, PARASHOES, AND PARADRIVING UNHINDERED WITH THE POWER TO CONTROL WIND" "TELL ME HOW TO RECEIVE THIS POWER FOR ME AND MY ADVENTURE BUDDIES" Cale rips out his wallet, yanking the chain off his belt. "how much? that's a good question!!! the value alone is worth billions of alabama fun bux, but i will sell it to you right here, right now for just 19.95" "I'LL TAK-" "BUT WAIT CALL NOW AND WE'LL INCLUDE THE WIND STICK, WHICH ALLOWS YOU TO CONTROL THE WIND WITH EVEN GREATER EASE" "GIVE IT TO ME" Taylor takes Cale's money and hands him a compact disc and the wind stick. "thank you, come again" Cale inserts the compact disc into his toaster, and pulls down the lever, summoning A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip The Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle-Earth II. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Eif runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job eif" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"hey could you stop beating me with that rusty stick" "no" "okay just checking" "WE SHOULD HELP THAT MAN" "nah i'd rather not" "okay" The three heroes walk by as the Italians beat a man to death. Tiny men carry a stretcher over to the man and carry him off toward the heroes. "hey can i join you" "i don't see how you'd contribute to the group after being beaten to death in front of us" "i can make eggs benedict" "WELCOME ABOARD" Brucie climbs off the stretcher and cracks open an egg, hatching A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Big Bumpin'. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Tony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job tony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"hello i would like to order a lemonade on this hot day" "one lemonade coming up" The server pours Brucie a lemonade. "yuck this is warm as shit" "ahhh this drink is so freshing with this cold ice in it" "please give me some ice" "i can do even better; i can give you the power to make your OWN ice" Brucie rips his wallet from his shirt pocket, taking the pocket with it. "for the low low price of 19.95, you too can have cold drinks full of ice with the power to CONTROL ICE ITSELF" "i'll tak-" "BUT WAIT call in the next ten minutes and we'll include the FRUIT FLAVOURING to make delicious snocones or to just drink out of the package" "which fruit" "we call it 'fruit punch' so we won't get sued due to its nondescript flavour" "I WILL BUY IT NOW" Bran takes Brucie's money and hands him a compact disc and a packet of fruit flavouring. "thank you for" Brucie inserts the compact disc into his lemonade, creating A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Jenga. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Michelle runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of light. Light shoots from Michelle's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job michelle" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"COME ONE COME ALL TO THE BOAT RACE" "boat race?!" "the prize is some blonde" "GOING" Brucie runs off and leaps into the last boat. "on your mark get set... go if you want i mean i'm not rushing you" Brucie slams on the boat-go, leaving the other competitors in his wake. "what's that guy's hurry" Brucie slams through all the checkpoints and makes it to the finish line before anyone else even leaves the starting line. "congratulations you won!!!" "yay" Sheriff Antony pushes Max Schoonen toward Brucie. "... hello Max Schoonen" "hello" The second boatguy crosses the finish line. "congratulations!!! you get our second prize!!!" Sheriff Antony hands the second boatguy A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Chicken. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Amiee :3 runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of pastry. Pastry shoots from Amiee :3's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job amiee :3" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"man i sure wish there were a way to eat all this delicious steak without getting e coli" Max Schoonen takes another bite of his raw steak. "it's not so bad if you put ketchup on it Max Schoonen" Orange empties an entire bottle of ketchup onto his steak. "oh man i am sure enjoying this flavourful steak with no downsides such as e coli Max Schoonen" "tell me how" Eif grabs a raw hunk of steak and immolates it in his hand, causing it to take on a brown colour the whole way through. "tell me your secrets" Max Schoonen yanks his wallet out from his hat, causing it to fall to the ground. "for the low price of 19.95, you too can cook not only steak, but also chicken and oatmeal!!! Max Schoonen" "i'll tak-" "BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE call now and get the POT which can hold many small foods that might slip out of your hand!!! Max Schoonen" "yes giv-" "BUT WAI- Max Schoonen" "JUST TAKE MY MONEY ALREADY" Eif takes Max Schoonen's money and hands him a compact disc and a pot. "thank you Max Schoonen" Max Schoonen inserts the compact disc into his steak, attracting A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Pin the Tail on the Donkey. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Sheriff Antony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of imagination. Imagination shoots from Sheriff Antony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job sheriff antony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"oh shit look a used boats store" "boats?! i want a boat" "let's go get a boat!!!" "hello would you like a boat" "YES" "sorry we are all out of boats" "shit" "fuck" "why is life so horrible" "but would you like a ship" "no it's not the same" "i understand" Bendik and Original Gangster George embrace, single tears streaming down their faces. "can i get you something to drink" "oh sure i'd like a mr. pibb" "i don't know what that is" "WHAT" Bendik spits on the floor. "WE ARE OUT" "you can't do that" "why not" "because my lot rules clearly state: buy something or face A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Hula Hoop. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Kathy runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of knives. Knives shoots from Kathy's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job kathy" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"okay i couldn't sell you on the cactii, but how about these LEGENDARY WEAPONS" "well uh" "they don't look so legendary to me" "but they were used to slay the horrible monster!!!" "what horrible monster" "you know that one that was terrorising that nation" "what nation" "uh chicago" "what was the beast's name" "uh amadeus cole winterstead the fourth" "oh yeah he was a horrible tyrant; monster may be going a bit far though" The five pay for their legendary swords and exit the factory, and are immediately eaten by a giant plant. "aw we didn't even have time to make snide comments" "and i had the best one lined up!!!" "really what was it" "nah the moment's passed" "come on tell me" "no" "please" "okay, it was 'that-'" "no you have to do the voice" "the... voice?" "you know the bran voice" "you mean... my voice?" "no i mean the 'oh look i am bran rargh'" "oh right; ahem: 'that is the third-largest plant i have ever seen'" "..." "..." "better than last time at least" "anyway now how do we get out of here" "taylor, use your grass powers!!!" "i have wind powers" "goddammit" "why are you so useless taylor" "hey i have an idea" "tell me the idea" "let's BURN the plant" "..." "..." "EIF THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY JOKES" "HEY MY JOKES ARE GREAT" "0/10" "FUCK" "guys let's ICE the plant" "great idea bran!!!" "but guys fire-" "eif stop being mad just because your power is shitty and not very effective against grass" Bran blasts the planet with ice, freeing the five. "it sure is cold here in the vacuum of space" "i've been colder" Suddenly, someone changes the bag. "oh no i did not see this coming" The five are emptied into a trash can, where they find A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Sack Race. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Mr. Sock runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of sandals. Sandals shoots from Mr. Sock's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job mr sock" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"hey look a stand selling... something" "i am selling earth powers for 19.95 buy them or get out" "is there more" "no buy them or get out" Tony takes Bendik's money and hands him a compact disc and nothing else. "now leave you're clogging the line" "but we're the only-" Tony draws his sword. "fine i mean shit" Bendik inserts the compact disc into his walkman and plays the first track, A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Doki Doki Panic. "So Like" "yeah?" "What Now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "But I Already Have Them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "Take That Back" "okay yeah that was mean" "Okay" Robert Truckdriver runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of Damage Inc.. Damage Inc. shoots from Robert Truckdriver's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job robert truckdriver" "yeah you're pretty cool" "You Mean It?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"I HAVE FINALLY FOUND YOU; PREPARE TO DIE FOR KILLING MY FATH-" A loud crash is heard as five figures crash through the skylight. "hey what's up" Jakey slides between Roubourt's legs and flips up into a handstand, kicking Roubourt in the head. Jakey flicks his feet back and forth, causing Roubourt to take repeated kicks to his skull. Jakey rolls out of the way just as Tony slices down into Roubourt, cutting him in half. Roubourt's halves fall to the ground. Eif grabs one half of Roubourt and grabs it in his left hand, immolating it and turning it to ash. Bran summons a giant icicle in Roubourt's other half, causing the half to explode. Taylor blows the chunks and ashes into the trash can. "'no i want the wind powers they will be an asset in combat in ways no one will see coming' stupid stupid" "WHAT THE FUCK HE WAS MY NEMESIS" "i don't see your name on him" "HE KILLED MY FATHER AND STOLE OUR VILLAGE'S SUPPLY OF PS3 GAMES" "uh i'm sorry to tell you but-" "HOLY SHIT I LEVELED UP" "ME TOO" Jakey does some sommersaults and leaps into the air, arm outstretched. Eif leaps off the wall behind him, hand outstretched to meet Jakey's in an aerial high-five. "should i put the points into strength or dexterity" "what about health" "HEALTH?! HA PUSSY" "how do you plan to survive without health then" "by not getting hit" "why didn't i think of that" Tony grabs his ball off of the podium in the centre of the room, and the five leave triumphant. "seriously what the fuck just happened"

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"mother i have returned" "who are you" "your son, tony" "i don't have a son" "but wait that means..." Tony fades from existence. "..." "..." "how did" "lo all" Stevman teleports in on his time machine, does a kneeslide, and plays a powerchord. "THAT'S OUR STEVMAN" Michelle walks up to the group and rests her arms on their shoulders. "take me home"
THE END