Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] [Remaster]

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"what the fuck is this shit" Jakey runs out into the middle of the village. "GUYS TONY'S GONE" "who" "NO GUYS SERIOUSLY HE LEFT THIS NOTE" "what note" "i don't see any note" "0/10 jakey" "BUT GUYS I-" "guys tony's gone" "WHAT" "no way" "that sucks man" "GUYS WHAT THE FUCK" "jakey just because you've hated tony all your life and because svart relayed this message to us before you even knew about tony's departure is no reason to be so mad" "anyway we should go find him" "no dude no one leaves the village" "but tony did-" "NO ONE leaves the village" "but-" "NO ONE FUCKING LEAVES YOU STUPID CUNT" "aw man" "okay fine you can go" "what do you mean you're not letting us leave" "i'm sorry but that's my decision and i'm sticking to it" Svart opens up the cages and unleashes A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: The Official Game of the Official Movie of the Official Book of the London 2012 Olympic Games. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"now we will defeat YOU, svart" "what no you can't i uh... have a forcefield" "aw man" "lame" The four run off and dive into a cabin. "oh sweet a box" "OPEN IT OPEN IT" Bran opens the box to find a jar of an odd fluid and a picture signed by "Jeff Tom Scholz". Bran tosses the jar to Eif, who immediately opens it and tastes the fluid inside. "how is it" "i can see through the veil of life and death" "sounds lame" "can you see my dear dead aunt margaret?!" "all i can see is A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Bran runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job bran" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"guys what's this wall doing here" "let's smash it" Eif punches the wall. "ow that was quite painful" "hey i have another idea let's go around" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT" The four punch the wall repeatedly, making their hands tired, broken and bloody. "okay one more punch will do it" Eif punches right through the wall, creating a giant hole. "oh god it's hopeless we'll never get through this wall" "hello" "hello" "i am the sheriff come on into the town" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO SIT THROUGH AN HOUR-LONG DRIVER'S SAFETY CLASS BEFORE WE CAN GET IN" "i'm sorry but those are the rules" Sheriff Antony sets up a film projector and starts the classic driver's safety film, "A Car is a Car". "psst hey eif check this out" Jakey chucks his sword into the back of Sheriff Antony's head. "that was QUITE RUDE" Sheriff Antony hands Jakey a slip of paper. "see me after class" The bell rings, and Eif, Bran, and Taylor leave the room. "well i hope that little 'prank' was worth it, because now you have to face A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Marco Polo. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Taylor runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job taylor" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"hey you guys should TOTALLY take a tour of our AMAZING electricity temple!!!" "sounds amazing" "well it sounds pretty good" "it sounds okay" "it sounds bad" "it sounds awful" "i hate it" "get off the kiosk!!!" They enter the electricity temple anyway. "oh man look at all of these harlequin foetus wolves and harlequin foetus trolls" "if i didn't know any better, i'd say this was actually the harlequin foetus temple" The harlequin foetus wolves and harlequin foetus trolls leap out of the walls and attack. "oh shit" "we're trapped" "this is the end!!!" "hey i found a trap door" "THE END, jakey" Eif falls over dead. The three climb through the trap door and end up face to face with A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip NASCAR Heat 2002. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Eif runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job eif" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"oh hey look the ice temple is in town" "the ice temple?! oh boy" "i can't wait to see the amazing ice guys live on stage" "i hear they're amazing" "i hear they're great!!!" "i hear they're pretty goo-" The train carrying the Ice Temple races off. "FUCK" The four hop onto dirtbikes and follow the train. "STOP I JUST WANT TO BE INSIDE YOU" The train goes faster, and blasts off into space. "ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW THE DAMN TRAIN" Bran throws down his hat in disgust, and wanders off right into A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Tony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job tony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"i sure am glad we defeated this evil baron, guys" "so am i now let's never speak of it again" "sounds good" "oh wow" "wow?!" Jakey stands on his toes. "I WANT TO SEE THE THING WORTHY OF A WOW" "oh shit bran never says wow" Eif also stands on his toes. "look at that woman who is attractive to me" "who is that i only see my sister, michelle" Bran walks over to Michelle. "hello my name is bran would you like to copulate with me" "sorry but i only have eyes for one man" "wh-who is that" "jack black" "oh yeah he is kind of dreamy" "i loved him in gulliver's travels" "oh i'm more of a nacho libre man myself" "i thought nacho libre was lacking in the 'libre' department, as well as the 'nacho' department" "i think the subverted expectations are what made the film a classic; the citizen kane of film, if you will" "i will have to watch it again and see if i can get over my disappointment at my shattered expectations" "i highly recommend putting in the effort" "how did you feel about kung-fu panda" "i felt like it lacked any real emotional impact, and while i admire jack black for straying from his comfort zone with a more light-hearted film, i feel that the movie missed the mark; the only highlight was the climactic battle against the HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Ants in My Pants. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Michelle runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of light. Light shoots from Michelle's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job michelle" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"okay i am sick of all these distractions i am going to MAKE A DIFFERENCE" "oh no" "i'm gonna make a change for once in my life" "please don't" "IT'S GONNA FEEL REAL GOOD" Eif marches up to the Mirror Charity Incorporated. "i'm starting with the man in the mirror" "please don't" Jakey and Bran dive and grab Eif's legs. Eif drags the two behind him as he walks to the counter. "I WOULD LIKE TO DONATE 50000000000000000$ TO CHARITY" "that will be 50000000000000000$ please" "that's... kind of expensive" "donating to charity is a bargain at any price" "i'll pass" "SECURITY" Eif attempts to leave, but from the ceiling drops A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Hot Potato. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Amiee :3 runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of pastry. Pastry shoots from Amiee :3's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job amiee :3" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"hey guys look it's tony" "who" "just this guy" "YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO MY PEOPLE, FIEND" "i'd... rather not" "drat" The as-of-yet unnamed villain runs off. "hey tony what was that about something being done to your people" "uh that was a uh joke" "oh okay" "yeah you totally don't have cancer or anything" "that's good" "very reassuring" "so uh" "what now" "well i guess there's not much left to do aside from fighting A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Hacky Sack. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Sheriff Antony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of imagination. Imagination shoots from Sheriff Antony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job sheriff antony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"oh hey look, a used boats factory" "GUYS I HAD THE BEST IDEA" "we are not getting a boat, jakey" "wh-who said it was getting a boat" "what is the idea then" "let's get a ship" "..." "..." "okay" The five head into the factory. "HEY HEY WOULD YOU LIKE A SHIP" "no i would like a cactus, he said sarcastically" "COMING RIGHT UP" Original Gangster George pushes a cactus into the factory. "..." "..." "this is a palm tree" "BE RIGHT BACK" Original Gangster George pushes a cactus into the factory. "..." "..." "that is television's adam west" "BE RIGHT BACK" Original Gangster George pushes a cactus into the factory. "..." "..." "that is a .44 magnum with reinforced slide, telescopic sights, and extended magazine" "how did you even GET those on a .44 magnum" "okay i guess i don't have a cactus" "oh well then i will take my business elsewhere" "you can't do that" "why not" "because my lot rules clearly state: buy something or face A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Laundry Chute. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Kathy runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of knives. Knives shoots from Kathy's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job kathy" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"okay i couldn't sell you on the cactii, but how about these LEGENDARY WEAPONS" "well uh" "they don't look so legendary to me" "but they were used to slay the legendary beast!!!" "what legendary beast" "you know that one that was terrorising that town" "what town" "uh new harlemshireburg" "what was the beast's name" "uh john" "..." "..." "sounds good to me" The five pay for their legendary swords and exit the factory, and are immediately eaten by a giant plant. "aw we didn't even have time to make snide comments" "and i had the best one lined up!!!" "really what was it" "nah the moment's passed" "come on tell me" "no" "please" "okay, it was 'that-'" "no you have to do the voice" "the... voice?" "you know the bran voice" "you mean... my voice?" "no i mean the 'oh look i am bran rargh'" "oh right; ahem: 'that is the second-largest plant i have ever seen'" "..." "..." "i've heard better" "NO YOU HAVEN'T, YOU DIRTY FUCKING LIAR" "you're right i'm sorry" "anyway now how do we get out of here" "taylor, use your grass powers!!!" "i have wind powers" "goddammit" "why are you so useless taylor" "hey i have an idea" "tell me the idea" "let's BURN the plant" "..." "..." "EIF THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY JOKES" "HEY MY JOKES ARE GREAT" "0/10" "FUCK" "guys let's ICE the plant" "great idea bran!!!" "but guys fire-" "eif stop being mad just because your power is shitty and not very effective against grass" Bran blasts the planet with ice, freeing the five. "it sure is cold here in the vacuum of space" "i've been colder" Suddenly, someone changes the bag. "oh no i did not see this coming" The five are emptied into a trash can, where they find A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Bingo. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Mr. Sock runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of sandals. Sandals shoots from Mr. Sock's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job mr sock" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"oh shit look a lamp" "RUB IT OVER YOUR GENITALS" "..." "..." "wh-why" "it will create a HILARIOUS scene when the genie comes out!!!" "oh that sounds logical" Jakey shoves the lamp down his pants, and a genie comes out. "hey guys i-OH GOD OH GOD" The genie retreats back into the lamp. "hey what about our wishes!!!" "oh okay; you wish for A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip The Waiting Game. "So Like" "yeah?" "What Now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "But I Already Have Them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "Take That Back" "okay yeah that was mean" "Okay" Robert Truckdriver runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of Damage Inc.. Damage Inc. shoots from Robert Truckdriver's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job robert truckdriver" "yeah you're pretty cool" "You Mean It?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"hey look an endless black abyss let's jump into it" "FUCK YES" The five jump into the endless black abyss, emerging in a dark room. "that wasn't quite as endless as i had hoped" "you can't always get what you want" "but if you try sometimes, you just might find, YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED" Petour launches a bolt of darkness at Taylor, causing him to disintegrate. "oh no taylor!!!" "who" "just this guy" Jakey charges his sword with electricity, and chops Petour's head off. The electricity burns Petour's body while Tony summons boulders, which crush Petour's body. Bran conjures ice inside the boulders, causing them into explode, and the shards to embed into Petour's body. Eif immolates Petour's body, causing him to turn to ash. Taylor blows the ashes around in a gentle breeze. "god wind powers suck" Petour staggers back, clutching his chest. "i went down to the chelsea drugstore to get your prescription filled; i was standing in line with mistour jimmy and, man, did he look pretty ill; we decided that we would have a soda: my favourite flavour, cherry red; i sung my song to mistour jimmy, yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was-" Petour stumbles into Tony's sword. "dead" Petour turns to ash on Tony's sword. "hey wait where's my ball" "you can't always get what you want" "but if you try sometimes, well, you might find..." Tony's ball flies into his hand. "you get what you need" The five walk off to face the new day.

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"mother i have returned" "who are you" "your son, tony" "i don't have a son" "but wait that means..." Tony fades from existence. "..." "..." "how did" "lo all" Stevman teleports in on his time machine, does a kneeslide, and plays a powerchord. "THAT'S OUR STEVMAN" Michelle walks up to the group and rests her arms on their shoulders. "take me home"
THE END