Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] VIII: A Choose-Your-Own Adventure

complain to the director

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"seriously a prequel what the fuck" "well everyone wants to know the story of matt bellamy and how jack black, jack white and meg white got the-" "NO THEY DON'T NO ONE CARES YOU'RE JUST COMPLICATING THE TIMELINE" "but come on who hasn't wondered why dan auerbach looks nothing like jack white" "everyone" "..." "..." "but this explains so much!!!" "so much that DIDN'T NEED EXPLAINING" "JUST GO TO THE GODDAMN KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD" "fine god" "god this guy is worse than tony"
"hello i'm here hello how's the tea" "hello" "hello" Master Matt Bellamy creates a column of stone and rises millions of feet into the air. "well gee" Master Matt Bellamy summons a rain of keyblades down onto Nigel Tufnel, Emma Richardson and Jimmy Page. "I'LL GO AFTER MATT BELLAMY" "isn't that what he wants you to do" "LA LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING" Nigel Tufnel runs up the stone peak. "well this sucks" Master Matt Bellamy freezes Jimmy Page solid and sends him tumbling to the ground, where he lands on Emma Richardson. "OW" "hey it's me, dave grohl" "fuck off dave grohl" "NO U" "NO ME" Emma Richardson and Dave Grohl walk off somewhere and Jimmy Page regains consciousness. "this sucks" "hello" "FUCK OFF BRAD WHITFORD"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

NIRNROOT

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"i would like to fight you" "no fuck off" "come on it won't hurt" "THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME" "stop remembering things" "NO U" "NO ME" "..." "i'm leaving" "come back!!!" "no!!!" Jimmy Page walks off to the forge. "making swords making armour" "why do you even need this you have a keyblade" "MONEY" "oh" Jimmy Page spends hours using all his ingots at the forge. "THIS SWORD is pretty bad" Jimmy Page chucks it behind him. "ow!!!" "svart!!!" Jimmy Page rushes to Svart's side. "who did this to you" "the italians" "fuck"
"FIGHT ME" "FOR THE LAST TIME NO" "YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO GET ANOTHER CHAPTOUR OUT OF THIS" "YES" "FIGHT ME" "NO"
WHAT DOES JIMMY PAGE DO

complete a miscellaneous quest

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"hey get me a mammoth tusk!!!" "okay" Jimmy Page goes to the store and buys a mammoth tusk. "here you go" "wow real savage-like" "please don't do that" "WILL YOU FIGHT ME NOW" "sigh all right" Jimmy Page and Brad Whitford fight, and teleport to a Station of Awakening. "it's so dark" "THE XBLADE HAS BEEN FORGED" "the what" "..." "..." "have you even been paying attention" "i've been trying not to" "sigh" "so are we going to fight or" "YES" The two continue to fight. "oh hey guess what" "what" Brad Whitford absorbs Jimmy Page's soul. "fuck"
THE END

CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER

frost troll

EPILOGUE:
CHAPTOUR ONE:
"ugh how do we even unlock this final episode" "nigel tufnel you need to compete in the MIRAGE ARENA" "oh boy" "what do i do!!!" "jimmy page you get to GO HOME YOU UNGRATEFUL PEST" "I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO" Nigel Tufnel gets to the Mirage Arena. "um i'd like to sign up for SINISTER SENTINEL" "not enough badges" "BADGES?!" The moogle rolls his eyes. "we don-" The moogle grabs Nigel Tufnel's lips. "YES YOU DO" "sigh" Nigel Tufnel completes three arena matches. "okay now for sinister sentinel" "oh boy" A bunch of unversed show up, which Nigel Tufnel defeats handily. "pfft that shit's easy" The Iron Imprisoner II appears. "oh this guy again" Nigel Tufnel gets raped. Over and over. "AUGH WHY" "um emma richardson are you sure it's sinister sentinel" "i don't think gamefaqs would lie to me" "sigh"
WHAT DOES NIGEL TUFNEL DO

write a concerned letter to gamefaqs about their quality-control procedures

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"dear gamefaqs your faqs are shit i mean sinister sentinel please more like impossibly hard sentinel that i can't beat and where are all the cheat codes!!! also jessica chobot isn't very attractive why is she all over my 360 dashboard love nigel tufnel" "dear nigel tufnel stop sucking regards gamefaqs" "OF COURSE" Nigel Tufnel stops sucking and defeats the Sinister Sentinel, the Iron Imprisoner II. "these names suck" "you won!!! matt bellamy's report viii" "gee" "GREAT NOW WE CAN INTO FINAL EPISODE" "yay" "hooray" "i can't wait to be the star" "nigel tufnel you are waiting for something that will not happen as i am the star" "fuck you emma richardson" "thanks but i just ate" "jimmy page wait in this castle that i just made with magic" "..." "high school not bloody likely OKAY where is nigel tufnel now" Emma Richardson heads into a big ball of darkness. "oh hey nigel tufnel did you dye your hair" "no but you will be dying!!!" "no thanks i like blue" Matt Bellamy (in Nigel Tufnel's body) kills Emma Richardson. "FUCK NOT AGAIN"
"well i can't beat matt bellamy so i guess i should grind in THE MIRAGE ARENA" Emma Richardson skips to the Mirage Arena. "i'd like to play command board" "okay" Emma Richardson is warped to the Hundred-Acre Wood. "pfft these stuffed animals can't beat me" "YOOHOOHOOHOOHOO" "oh bother" "TIGGER YOU CUNT STOP ROLLING SO MANY DICE" "YOOHOOHOOHOOHOO" Tigger wins handily. "fuck let's try disney castle" "light!!!" "captain justice and shit" "MINNIE YOU CUNT STOP ROLLING SIXES" Minnie wins handily. "fuck let's try deep space" "AIYTGFCKYUSGHFLJHSDFKHG" "the day is mine!!!" "GANTU YOU CUNT STOP SHOOTING ME" Gantu wins handily. "life sucks" Emma Richardson is warped home. "oh i can beat these fucks" "not bloody likely" "JIMMY PAGE GO HOME" "FUCK OFF" "JIMMY PAGE YOU CUNT STOP GIVING NIGEL TUFNEL ALL YOUR MONEY" Nigel Tufnel activates TWO DICE and rolls an eleven. "ALL RIGHT" "WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND ELEVEN" Nigel Tufnel wins handily. "fucking hell let's try the last board" "codfish codfish codfish codfish codfish" "arr matey!!!" "PETER PAN YOU CODFISH"
WHAT DOES EMMA RICHARDSON DO

picks up peter "codfish" pan and drives him into nigel tufnel's crotch with all her might, then uses the aformentioned pan man to fire tigger up to the moon

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"okay let's be calm and settle this like rational adults" Emma Richardson grabs Peter Pan by the codfish and throws him into Nigel Tufnel. She then grabs Tigger's tail and ties him to a rocket, sending him to the moon. "oh hey frank" "hey tigger" "let's bounce!!!" "sure" Tigger and Frank bounce around. "okay now how much have my commands leveled up" Blizzard levels up to rank two. "fuck okay let's try something else" Emma Richardson grabs Plunger Dash and Mystic Firaja and adds a Sewer Crystal. "OKAY" She forces the three items together and makes Mystic Plunger with the "Plunger Screen" ability. "... okay this sucks" Emma Richardson chucks the Mystic Plunger away and heads to the RACE TRACK. "oh boy" Emma Richardson's glider thing inches along the track. "okay this sucks MIRAGE ARENA TIME" Emma Richardson gets raped several times. "WELL THEN I GUESS IT'S BACK TO HOLLOW BASTION" "hello" "hello" "hey since i'm a good sport i'll let you choose the challenge emma richardson" "sounds good"
WHAT DOES EMMA RICHARDSON DO

puts on her recording-breaking shellsuit goes for the record in throw baby catch baby

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"i challenge you to a match of throw baby catch baby!!!" Nigel Bellamy/Matt Tufnel sweats. "you did say i could choose the challenge" "curse my politeness!!!" Emma Richardson puts on her throw baby glove and her catch baby glove. "i'll serve" Emma Richardson lobs a hard pass to Nigel Bellamy. "oh shit oh shit" Matt Tufnel dives for it, missing it by about fifty feet. "man you suck at this" "just serve" "one serving zero!!!" Emma Richardson lobs it and Nigel Bellamy runs long for it, missing it entirely. "fuck this" Matt Tufnel sends the two to the shadow realm. "what no fair" "we're past fair" NB/MT launches darkness bolts at Emma Richardson, who catches them with her glove and throws them back with her other glove. "fuck!!!" "cheaters don't usually win unless they cheat subtly" "the darkness is gonna kill us bro" "oh" Emma Richardson looks around nervously. "well this is awkward"
WHAT DOES EMMA RICHARDSON DO

ask 4chan what to do

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"TO /v/!!!" Emma Richardson heads to /v/. "... what the fuck 'el vidyo' well um hola /v/ yo soy um um um well mi nombr- i mean me llamo emma richardson y soy er um en el casa de um el er..." "OP es un fagoto!!!" "hey that isn't nice i mean es no interesante" "que!!! soy inerestante por fucko!!!" "tu es desagradable" El Anonymoso runs off, crying. "well that solves that" Emma Richardson calls her glider and Matt Tufnel/Nigel Bellamy steals it. "hey give that back" "eat my dust sucka!!!" "fuck"
THE END