Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] IV: A Choose-Your-Own Adventure

spits on the pass until he dies of dehydration

CHAPTOUR NINE:
Jack White struts into the collosseum. "hey phil we got a pass " "LET ME SEE THAT" Phil studies the pass. "..." Phil throws the pass to the ground and spits on it until he dies of dehydration. "TIME TO ENTER THE GAMES BECAUSE WE'RE HEROES AND ONLY HEROES CAN COMPETE IN THE GAMES" Jack White fights a bunch of Heartless in the games. "FUCK YOU, PHIL" Jack White fights through six rounds and reaches the climactic final battle with Cloud. "ANGST" "LIGHT HEARTS HEARTS LIGHT DARKNESS LIGHT" "DARKNESS ANGST LIGHT DARKNESS" Jack White attacks Cloud will all his might, and Cloud gets knocked out. "gee i guess it's time to head back to see squall" "THAT'S LEOOOOOON" Cerberus charges out and bites shit. "... shit" Hercules runs in and stands in front of Cerberus, menacingly. "GO NOW" "what" "I CAN HANDLE HIM" "but wouldn't it be easier to take him on in a group" "GO YOU FUCKING IDIOTS" Jack White goes back into the foyer. "well that sucked" "i sure hope hercules is all right" "YOU CAN'T GO HELP HIM EVEN THOUGH IT WILL GET YOU EXPERIENCE AND SHIT" "but we can't let him hog all the glory!!!" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

distract phil and take all of the glory and place it on the top shelf where hercules can't get it

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"HEY LOOK OVER THERE" "WHAT IS IT WHAT" Phil turns around, and Jack White runs into the arena. Hercules runs off because he's a PUSSY. Jack White smacks Cerberus over the head a few times, and it dies. "ouch" "HEY GUYS YOU'RE JUNIOR HEROES NOW" "... wha-" "YOU GUYS STILL DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A TRUE HERO" "NO U" "NO ME" Jack White storms out of the collosseum. "hey cloud" "i tried to exploit the power of darkness but it backfired!!!" "old" Cloud gives Sora an ability. "THIS STILL MAKES NO SENSE" The three amigops blast off for Traverse Town.
"hey squall do you know wha-" "LEON MY NAME IS LEON" "0/10" "butthurt" "yup you sure are!!!" Squall runs off, dropping a stone. Jack White runs to see Cid, who installs the gummi for free. "ALSO DELIVER THIS BOOK" "sounds fair right guys" WRONG Jack White lights a door on fire and leaps across sentient stones that float away when Jack White tries to hop onto them. "FUCK THIS PLACE" Jack White finally makes it across and gives the book to Merlin and the stone to the Fairy Godmother, gaining the ability to summon Simba, which he promptly forgets about. Forever. "hey enter the book jack white" Jack White sweats.
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

crams merlin and the fairy godmother into a giant blender which he then safely ties to his belt before insert himself into the book ROCK. HARD.

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
Jack White leaps into the book. "hello how are you" "oh hello have you come to say goodbye to pooh too" "um who is pooh" "i am pooh" "..." "..." "wha-what" "all my friends are dead so i like totally need to leave myself bro" "wow" Pooh goes home and Jack White follows. "sigh why is life such a BOTHER " "oh hello i am owl" "FUCK OFF OWL NO ONE LIKES YOU" Jack White exits the book, determined to find the rest of the pages, and he finds them on the floor. "oh gee" Jack White goes to a honey tree and finds Piglet scared to death of him. Pooh comes and uses a balloon to float into the air to get honey while Jack White hits bees. There is no joke here. The three then go to Rabbit's house, and find some honey, which Pooh steals and eats, then climbs through the hole on the side of the house and gets stuck. Again. "oh bother" "..." "..." "he needs carrots!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" Tigger bounces to the four's location and breaks a goddamn bridge. Tigger bounces over and rapes Jack White. "HEY I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER BOUNCED YOU BEFORE" "my ribs!!!" "OH HEY POOH BOY YOU'RE LOOKIN' MIGHTY UN-COMFY TODAY" "no shit" "well we need to get some carrots for sir pooh" "OH HEY SINCE MY HOUSE DISAPPEARED THIS HOUSE IS MY NEW BOUNCIN' GROUND SPECIFICALLY THE CARROT PATCH" "... I HATE YOU SO MUCH" "my ribs!!!"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

crams tigger into a giant blender, allowing safe passage to the carrots which he sells to buy food for him

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
Jack White runs to the carrot patch. "hey it's me, owl" "FUCK OFF OWL" "if tigger leaps onto a carrot twice it will be buried like this!!!" Owl buries a carrot. "..." "..." "YOU ARE A FUCKING CUNT" Jack White runs around, blocking Tigger from jumping on carrots while everyone else stands around doing nothing. "shouldn't you guys be like picking carrots or some shit" "NO U" "NO ME" Rabbit feeds Pooh the carrot juice. "OKAY A LIGHT PUSH SHOULD DO" "OKAY" Jack White charges right the fuck into Pooh, sending him fucking flying. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU WHY DID YOU DO THAT" "TIWBF" Pooh's head lands in a honey pot. "wow so good food" The friends then head to a hill. "hey is that eeyore" "don't mind me just floating downstream to my death" Jack White dives in and saves Eeyore. "wow thank you i didn't expect anyone to help bro" "hey eeyore your tail is gone" "MOTHERFUCKER um i mean it always happens i am indifferent" "hey i see it on top of his house" "we'll need to push sir pooh on the swing to find it!!!" "um can't i just grab it" "you can, once we find it" "IT'S RIGHT HERE" "NO U" "NO ME" Pooh swings and lands on Eeyore's house. "hey there's eeyore's tail!!!" "I HATE YOU SO MUCH" "oh well my house is destroyed i guess i will have to rebuild it" Everybody runs off to Tigger's house instead of fixing Eeyore's newly destroyed house. "HEY LET'S BOUNCE AROUND" "OKAY" Jack White hits nuts at a pot. "THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND" "NO U" "NO ME" The friends then head to a maze and get lost. "fuck" "we have to find my friends!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" Jack White and Pooh find all of their friends. "WELL THAT WAS NICE" "GOIN FOREVER ROFL" "LMFAO" "PMSL" Jack White exits the book. "hey you have to go downtown to ring the bell now" "fuck"
Jack White and the gang head to the clock tower and ring the bell thrice, revealing the keyhole. "what THE FUCK" "come on we gotta seal that keyhole!!!" "HOW THE FUCK DID THAT JUST HAPPEN" "come on!!!" "SERIOUSLY WHAT"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

inserts himself into the keyhole

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
Jack White charges at the keyhole, when the same suit of armour they fought here ages ago appears! Jack White sweats and hacks at it a few times. The suit of armour crumbles to the ground. "wow that was easy" And inverts, making it ten times stronger than before. "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK" The party fells the suit of armour and Jack White inserts himself into the keyhole, locking it forever. "gee" The three head off to see Cid. "hey i installed your gummi btw i stole the shop i really just stand on the corner and pedal my wares each day" "..." Jack White runs into the accessory shop. "HEY IT'S PINOCCHIO" "where" "down here!!!" "he's a puppet what" "I WAS PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK" Pinocchio's nose grows. "LIAR " "NO U" "NO ME" Jack White, Donald and Goofy hop into the JackBlackIsAFaggot. "HEY THERE'S A TOURNAMENT GOING ON AT THE COLLOSSEUM" They blast off to the Collosseum and fight loads of heartless. "i hate phil so much" AFter attaining the power of the STARS, they get back into the JackBlackIsAFaggot and head through a fucking black hole, landing them in Agrabah.
"hey i am on the run but i will talk to you because you look trustworthy" "NO U" "NO ME" "hello princess jasmine!!!" "FUCK" Jafar kidnaps Jasmine. "find aladdin bro!!!"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

infiltrates the columbia record club to find aladdin's personal records and address

CHAPTOUR FOURTEEN:
Jack White rapels into the Columbia Record Club's headquarters. Jack White sneaks through the offices and finds Aladdin's file. Suddently, the alarms go off. "GET OUT OF THERE JACK WHITE" Jack White runs through the building and leaps out a window, breaking the glass. Columbia Record Club security forces shoot at Jack White, narrowly missing. Donald pulls the magic carpet up to stop Jack White's descent. Jack White tumbles through and grabs onto the edge. Goofy pulls him up and three fly off to the Cavern of Wonderment. "hey it's aladdin!!!" Jack White, Donald and Goofy destroy heartless while Aladdin pulls his arms free from the quicksand. More heartless appear. "OH BOY FREE EXPERIENCE" Aladdin rubs his lava lamp. "GENIE GET RID OF THESE GUYS" "wha-what" Genie comes out of the lava lamp. "say, what you wish, it's yours, true dish" "oh dear" Genie takes off Aladdin's hat. "how about a little more baklavaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" Baklava floods the area, suffocating everything in sight. "... okay that was pretty cool" "hey i'm aladdin" "old" "NO U" "NO ME" "oh btw i want jasmine to love me forever" "ORITE she's been kidnapped by jafar LMFAO" "guess we'd better save her ROFL" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

using aladdin as a human shield barges into jasmine's captours' break room chucking harlequin foetii at everyone in sight

CHAPTOUR FIFTEEN:
Jack White grabs Aladdin by the hair and uses him to break down Jafar's break room door, and whips out his keyblade, using the "HARLEQUIN FOETUS" spell on everything in sight. Iago grabs Genie's lamp and gives it to Jafar! "OH SHIT" "sorry al i have to obey this dude now" Genie drops Jasmine into a pot, which comes alive. "gee" Jafar and Genie teleport off somewhere. "geez" All the pots come alive and form some kind of caterpillar thing. Two pots burst open and become the head and tail. "this is just oh my god" "such is life in the desert" Aladdin kills the beast single-handedly, and the four rush off into the desert. "hey the cavern of wonderment is um alive" "... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME" Aladdin whacks its eyeballs and it calms down. "..." The four enter, and Jack White destroys a pillar with a blast of harlequin foetus. The four run into the treasure room. "GENIE MY FIRST WISH SHOW ME THE KEYHOLE!!!" Genie reveals the keyhole. "oh dear" "GENIE MY SECOND WISH DESTROY THEM!!!" "oh dear" "GENIE NO" "sorry bro" Genie punches everything in sight. "AAAAAAAAAA" Jafar floats around and does pretty much nothing. Jack White and friends whack him a bit. "GENIE MY FINAL WISH MAKE ME AN ALL-POWERFUL GENIE!!!" "oh dear" Genie turns Jafar into a genie, and Jafar heads downstairs into the conveniently placed "floating platforms and lava" room. "hey let's leave him down there, rescue jasmine and seal the keyhole" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

kakashi-sensei swoops in and rescues them all with his Skub powers, healing them 100% for the FINAL* BATTLE

CHAPTOUR SIXTEEN:
David Bowie swoops in and grabs Jack White, healing him with the power of Skub. David Bowie then chucks Jack White into the platforms area. "FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU" "hey i'm an all-powerful genie" "old" Iago carries Jafar's lamp around just above Jack White's head. Jack White smacks Iago around a bit. "OKAY JAFAR BACK TO YOUR LAMP" "lamp" "nooooooooooooooooo" The four hop on the magic carpet and ride back to the treasure room, where Jack White seals the keyhole. "hey where's jasmine ROFL" "no clue LMFAO" The four escape the Cavern of Wonderment and head to Aladdin's house. "i'm so sorry al!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" "i wish for your freedom d00d" "oh wow" Genie grows legs and loses his vambraces. "hoora" "but hey bro can you go with jack white and find jasmine LMFAO" "no i'm done taking orders LOL" "oh ROFL" "but a favour sounds great PMSL" "LMFAO" Jack White, Goofy, Donald and Genie hop into the JackBlackIsAFaggot and blast off. Genie is never spoken of again.
"HEY LOOK IT'S A WHALE" "... in space" "YES" "WHY IS THERE A WHALE IN SPACE" "why not LMFAO" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" The party is eaten by the giant whale. "HEY STOP THROWING SHIT AT ME" "it's me!!!" "oh it's just pinocchio" "PINOCCHIO?! " The three follow Pinocchio to a giant ship. “wait this BLOCK will get us out” “yes!!!” “...” “...” “you’re an idiot, pinocchio” Pinocchio runs off into the intestines of the whale. “sigh”
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

exit the whale, catch sir whale on a massive space-fishing pole, and then cook him up for extra experience (with pinocchio still inside so as to make it an excellent source of fiber)

CHAPTOUR SEVENTEEN:
"here we go again" Jack White chases after Pinocchio. "PINOCCHIO THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR GAMES" "butthurt" "BUT JACK WHITE, I THOUGHT YOU LIKED GAMES" Jack Black makes his most insuffrable face. "OR ARE YOU TOO COOL FOR THEM NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE KEYBLADE" "... WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN" "oh jakey skipped over the scene where we meet in traverse town" "FUCK YOU JAKEY" Jack Black uses this opportunity to grab Pinocchio and run off. "sigh" Jack White traipses through the intestines, finding Pinocchio and Jack Black at the end. "YOU ARE THE BIGGEST CUNT EVER" "NO U" "NO ME" A giant cage thing appears and swallows Pinocchio. Jack White and Jack Black team up to defeat it. "wow that was actually pretty good why don't we put our differences behind us and travel together" Jack Black looks at Jack White in disgust and grabs Pinocchio and runs off. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "hey btw meg white's heart is gone so i'm gonna give her pinocchio's" "... THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE HEARD SINCE... um... EVER" Jack White hops into the JackBlackIsAFaggot and goes out through Monstro's blowhole. Jack White activates the JackBlackIsAFaggot's space-fishing pole and catches Monstro. Jack White uses the JackBlackIsAFaggot's flamethrowers to roast Monstro, which Pinocchio and Gepetto inside. "so much fibre" The three then blast off for the next world.
"THAT WORLD IS ALL WATER WE CAN'T LAND THERE" "i have MAGIC" "we're doomed" They land the ship in the ocean. Jack White becomes a merman, Donald becomes an octoduck and Goofy becomes a turtle. "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK" "it worked!!!" "WHERE ARE MY LEGS" "oh um" "I AM AT A THREE LEG DEFICIT" Ariel comes swimming up. "GIVE ME BACK MY LEGS, YOU FUCKING CUNT" "hello" "..." "..." "GIVE THEM BAAAAAAAACK"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

he decides life is not worth living without legs, so he casually takes his own life and hopes that goofy and donald can finish the quest on their own

then he steals meg white's legs and carries on like a wayward son

CHAPTOUR EIGHTEEN:
Jack White looks at his tail, a single tear streaming down his face. Jack White points the keyblade he got from Agrabah at his chest and commits seppuku. "i'm sorry... meg white" Jack White's lifeless body floats to the surface. The four then head to King Triton's throne room. "YO ARIEL BRO U NO I DONT WANT U OUT IN THE OCEAN WITH THOSE HEARTLESS ABOUT" "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME I HATE YOU" "..." "ITS 4 UR OWN SAFET" "FUCK YOU DADDY" "NO U" "NO ME" Ariel swims off, and the other three follow. "hey we should get some worthless junk" "OKAY" Jack White hops onto a dolphin and rides it to a sunken ship, where they find some worthless junk. ALSO SHARKS "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHARK WHY IS THERE A SHARK" Ariel beats up the shark. "..." "..." "... okay then" The four then insert the worthless junk into other worthless junk. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" King Triton destroys the worthless junk. "HOW COULD YOU" Ariel storms off, again. "GTFO MY OCEAN" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

Shows that jerk King Triton a lesson by massacring his entire family in cold blood and writing "the game" on his bedroom wall in their blood, then casually teleports to Ariel's location in order to ?

CHAPTOUR NINETEEN:
Jack White sighs. "here we go, yet again" "on our own!!!" "..." "..." "i am going to pretend you never said that" Jack White heads to Triton's house to murder his family, when he sees Ursula with Triton's trident! "HAHAHAHAHAHA" "hey the keyhole isn't here" "FUCK" Ursula swims towards Jack White and hits on him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "hey you have to get the trident" "oh NOW you want our help" "yeah that's about right" "sigh" Jack White swims back to the downed ship. "hey let me press this rock in" Jack White, Donald, Goofy and Ariel swim through some animal's carcass, maggots all over the bottom of it. "THIS IS A KID'S GAAAAAAME" "NO U" "NO ME" "hey you made it " "give us back the" "NO " Ursula throws potions in her cauldron. "gee" Jack White casts magic at the cauldron, blowing shit up. "WHAT THE FUCK" Ursula flushes herself down a toilet. "..." "COME ON WE HAVE TO CHASE AFTER HER" "..." "..." "okay ariel you go through the toilet we'll sneak up from behind" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

grabs the plungour and crams himself down sir toilet with the force of a thousand men, just like his father taught him

CHAPTOUR TWENTY:
Jack White looks at the toilet, and grabs the plunger. "i can do this" Jack White dives into the toilet, and forces himself in with the plunger. "just like you taught me, pa" A single tear streams down Jack White's face, as he knows his father is looking down on him from above, heart filled with pride at his son's accomplishments. "hey what's up" Ursula grows giagantic. "oh dear" Jack White beats up her face and Ursula screams, shrinks and presumably dies. "um" Ariel grabs the trident and gives it to Triton. "hey jack white bro seal the keyhole" "OKAY" Jack White uses the trident to reveal the keyhole and seals it to within an inch of its life. "hey take this bro!!!" Ariel gives Jack White a new keyblade. The three then get into the JackBlackIsAFaggot and blast off.
"hey why did our clothes change" "LEGS I HAVE LEGS KISS THE LEGS OH MY LEGS I MISSED YOU SO MUCH" The three run into town. "heartless!!!" Jack Skellington rises from the green muck. "hey it's me" "NOT ANOTHER JACK" "butthurt" "hey i need to get these heartless to dance so wanna help me make a heart" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES JACK WHITE DO

grabs the plungour and runs to the dance studio with Jack Skellington to work out a hot new dance routine with some old to Comfortably Numb

if that doesn't make the heartless boogie those bums then nothing will