Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] IV: A Choose-Your-Own Adventure

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Tony spins around on one heel, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "bare my arctic blast" Tony unleashes his arctict blast at the oncoming darkspawn horde. The world goes white. Nothing behind them, the six guys walk forwards. Bethany gets grabbed by an ogre and dies. "fuck" "bethany!!!" "BETHANY" "touchy subject i see" Tony's mother hovers over Bethany. "why did you do this tony!!!" "what she was my future wife!!!" "she's your sister!!!" "i don't see how that is relevant to the discussion at hand" A dragon comes and kills all the darkspawn. "lame" "hello" "hello" "ur gon hav 2 kil ur husben ROFL" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

bludgeons sir husband with his huge, thick, shiny blade then pillages his corpse for paraphernalia

CHAPTOUR THREE:
Tony takes out his big, shiny blade, a single tear streaming down his face. Tony brutally slams his blade down as hard as he can on sir husband, bludgeoning him to death. "wtf y u do dis" "i 'thought it would be funny'" Tony pillages sir husband's corpse, searching for miscellaneous paraphernalia. Tony receives the HIGH SCHOOL G.E.D.! Tony places the HIGH SCHOOL G.E.D. into his inventory for safe keeping. Sir dragon takes the remaining four to a boat, where they boatboat to Kirkhamburgerwall. Once inside, some guy tells them they can't get in!!!
WHAT DOES TONY DO

he lets sir guy know that his family has considerable status in the city of kirkhamburgerwall, citing his uncle phillip j fry

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"look, buddy, my uncle is a man of not-too-insignificant status in kirkhamburgerwall; his name is phyllyp cole fry" "who" "just this guy" Some guy then goes to get Uncle Phyllyp Cole Fry.
Ten years later, Uncle Phyllyp Cole Fry walks through the gates. "hello" "hello" "can you get us into the city!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" Uncle Phyllyp Cole Fry sweats. "well i pulled some strings and was able to sell you into slavery for a year" "..." "..." "sounds good" "you get to choose between the fighters guild or the thieves guild choose now now why aren't you choosing"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

chooses the thieves' guild in hope that he will be asked to steal paraphernalia from phyllyp cole fry

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
Tony walks over to Frank Jaeger and accepts his offer to get into the Thieves Guild, secretly hoping to be able to steal paraphenalia from Phyllyp Cole Fry. "so yeah bro this merchant guy totally owes us money go and get it bro" "NO U" "NO ME" Tony walks to the merchant guy. "so yeah bro you totally owe this frat guy money go and give me it bro" "NO U" "NO ME" The merchant guy gives Tony the money, which Tony gives to Frank Jaeger. "wowowowowowow"
After a decade of servitude to the Thieves Guild, Tony escapes with his life and brother and masculine female companion. Tony and Carver walk up to some dwarf guy. "hey can i have a job please i'll work for negative money please" "NO " "aw come on man don't be lame" "NO " "FUCK" Some guy then mugs Tony. "aw come on man i've had a rough day" "well it's just gotten rougher sucka!!!" Tony chases some guy down. "eat my dust sucka!!!" A crossbow bolt flies into some guy's arm. "ow" "don't steal from people; it's a bad idea; i knew a man who could steal from people by climbing inside other people and stealing from them as that person and then climbing out and getting off melvin-free" "old" "butthurt" Varric walks over to Tony. "hey here's your stuff" "what the fuck are you talking about" "so i can get you on this expedition" "what the fuck are you talking about!!!" "all i need is 500000000000000000000000000000000000000$" "can i write a cheque" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

tells his brothour that he must whore himself out to every women in kirkhamburgerwall in order to the raise the money or else tony'll tell everyone that he's not that cool

write a check to himself for said amount of money and use said amount of money on skateboards

CHAPTOUR SIX:
Tony writes himself a cheque for $5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, and promptly spends his money on skateboards. Tony approaches Carver. "d00d uv got 2 whor urself out 4 money bro!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" Carver whores himself out on the streets of Kirkhamburgerwall's Lowtown. Tony and Varric go to visit Aveline. "hello" "hello" "d00d iv ben watchin u" "thats creepy bro" "NO U" "NO ME" Aveline joins the party, and the three head to a bar.
"hey we need maps" "old" "butthurt" "NO U" "NO ME" Tony goes to get some maps. "hey im anders LOL" "hey im tony ROFL" "wubu2" "nm u" "nm LMFAO" "yo dawg can you give me some fuckin maps you know what i'm" "NO " "bu-but" "YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PAIN I FEEL INSIDE" "um wat" "I HAVE A SPIRIT OF JUSTICE INSIDE ME" "eeewww" "I AM ALSO A MAGE AND I WANT FREEDOM FOR MAGES IF YOU WANT MY HELP YOU WILL NEED TO HELP MAGES BECAUSE I AM A MAGE AND WANT MAGES TO BE FREE" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

go to the mages' home country of Vietnam and crumble the oppressive dictatorship so that all the mages can be free forever and ever amen in hopes that he can engage in twix-related passion with anders

tony devises a cunning plan to cripple the circle of magi by infiltrating their headquarters and casually detoning the bomb of not-being-mean-to-mages

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Tony heads to Vietnam to cripple the opression mages face. Tony sneaks into the Rhombus of Magi and detonates the bomb of not-being-mean-to-mages! Tony then hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into Anders' clinic, then proceeds to parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! "twix" "dude wtf" "two biscuits" "wat" Anders begins to strip. "covered in rich, creamy chocolate" "dude stick to the script" Anders stands there, naked. "..." "..." Tony sweats, as he needs those maps. Tony runs into Anders' clinic in slow motion, and grabs the maps. Tony turns around and dives out of the building before it explodes!
"hey go get me some shit" "okay" Tony heads to a warehouse blah blah blah Fenris kills some dudes. "hey i'm fenris" "hello" "YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PAIN I FEEL INSIDE" "um wat" "I HAVE LYRIUM INSIDE ME" "eeewww" "I AM ALSO A SLAVE AND I WANT FREEDOM FOR SLAVES IF YOU WANT MY HELP YOU WILL NEED TO HELP SLAVES BECAUSE I AM A SLAVE AND WANT SLAVES TO BE FREE" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

Help Fenris kick the Lyrium habit that is tearing his family apart before touring the United States holding seminars about the importance of people escaping from their Lyrium demons.

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
Tony heads to Korea to cripple the opression slaves face. Tony sneaks into the Dodecahedron of Slavery and detonates the bomb of not-being-mean-to-slaves! Tony then hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into Fenris' mansion, then proceeds to parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! "twix" "dude wtf" "two biscuits" "wat" Fenris begins to strip. "covered in rich, creamy chocolate" "dude stick to the script" Fenris stands there, naked. "..." "..." Tony sweats, as he needs those companions. Tony runs into Fenris' clinic in slow motion, and grabs the companions. Tony turns around and dives out of the building before it explodes!
"hey yo dawg people are trying to kill me" "oh good luck with that" "YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PAIN I FEEL INSIDE" "um wat" "I HAVE SEVERAL MEN INSIDE ME" "eeewww" "I AM ALSO A PIRATE AND I WANT FREEDOM FOR PIRATES IF YOU WANT MY HELP YOU WILL NEED TO HELP PIRATES BECAUSE I AM A PIRATE AND WANT PIRATES TO BE FREE" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

find the one piece

whips out his duel disk and duels miss pirate

ROCK

HARD

CHAPTOUR NINE:
Tony heads to Russia to cripple the opression pirates face. Tony sneaks into the Orb of Piracy and detonates the bomb of not-being-mean-to-pirates! Tony then hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into Isabela's mansion, then proceeds to parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! "twix" "dude wtf" "two biscuits" "wat" Isabela begins to strip. "covered in rich, creamy chocolate" "dude stick to the script" Isabela stands there, naked. "..." "..." Tony sweats, as he needs those pirates. Tony runs into Isabela's clinic in slow motion, and grabs the pirates. Tony turns around and dives out of the building before it explodes!
Tony whips out his duel disc. "i challenge you to a" "wow" Isabela whips out her duel disc and summons the Товарищ земли звезды! Tony sweats and summons the guardián celta desagradable! "guardián celta desagradable attack the Товарищ земли звезды!!!" guardián celta desagradable attacks the Товарищ земли звезды, wiping out all of Isabela's life points!!! "so yeah i was like trying to find one piece and stuff can you help" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

Finds One Piece in the deepest darkest corner of the Yucatan, and speaks his displeasure for him and his pro-liberal lifestyle choices.

if the ensuing melee turns super not-super then SUMMON RESCUE CAT IN ATTACK MODE

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"hey i'm jack white" "hello" "IT'S TIME TO DU-DU-DU-DU-DUDUDUDUDU-DUEL" Jack White summons cat de sauvetage, to which Tony responds with Taistelu jalkapalloilija! Taistelu jalkapalloilija attacks the cat de sauvetage, wiping out all of Jack White's life points!!! "well we still can't go back to par vollen without the ONE PIECE " "drat"
Tony heads to Lowtown to see how Carver's doing. "i made $5000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000" "wow" The guys head to Bartrand. "hey we have money, maps, companions and pirates" "great" "great" "hey tony can i come with you" "NO " "but i'm your brother" "NO U" "NO ME" The expedition heads into the Pretty Deep Roads That Aren't Actually Very Deep, A 6/10 For Deepness At Best.
WHAT DOES TONY DO

have an enjoyable evening riding the ferris wheel with N while "Papa Was A Rolling Stone" plays silently in the background.

They get off the ferris wheel, and issue quick, furtive glances at each other. Tony blushes. He says he had a fun time. N looks at him with a smile on his face. He is nervously playing with his long green hair, twirling it in his fingers. N decides this is the perfect moment. He leans in towards Tony. Tony leans in towards N. They both close their eyes and calmly engage in donating money to a local orphanage. "I'm sorry, I don't usually do this on the first date," says N. Tony smiles. "It felt right."

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
Tony and N get off the Fenris Wheel. The two shyly exchange glances. Tony blushes. "i h-had a g-great time" N smiles, nervously playing with his long, green hair. N decides that this is his only chance. N leans in towards Tony, and Tony leans in towards N. The two close their eyes and passionately donate money to the local orphanage. "i-i don't generally do this on the first date" N blushes. "GOOD "
The group marches into a room. "hey an idol made of lyrium" "I HAVE LYRIUM IN MY SKIN" "NO U" "NO ME" Varric chucks the idol at Bartrand. "gee" Bartrand leaves, shutting the door behind him. "rats we are locked in" "we didn't even check if it were locked; he may have just been being polite" "WE ARE LOCKED IN, varric" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

casually sells Fenris back into slavery then explores sir deep roads

ROCK

HARD

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
Tony and co. sit around for years. "he's not coming back is he" "NO U" "NO ME" All of a sudden, Tony gets an idea for a PRANK "follow me!!!" Everyone follows Tony. "hey i'm a demon" "hey" "i would like a slave" "take fenris" "WHAT" "come on fenris be a team player" "yeah fenris you're so selfish" "shut THE FUCK up anders" Fenris goes with the demon and the group marches onward to find a living rock thing. "WHY IS NOTHING EVER SIMPLE" "butthurt" The grpup defeats the thing and takes its treasure. "give me the diamonds" "NO U" "NO ME"
After a decade's trek back from the Pretty Deep Roads That Aren't Actually Very Deep, A 6/10 For Deepness At Best, the group wind up back in town. "GUYS GUYS HELP IT'S MY FAMILY" "sebby!!!" "GUYS I FOUND WHO KILLED THEM" "tell us sebby!!!" "IT WAS THE FAMILY OVER THERE" The group marches through their house. "hey i'm a demon" "NO U" "NO ME"
WHAT DOES TONY DO

interrogate the family in a timely manner before casually slaughtering them all as pay back for hurting poor sebby :'(

then tony treats the team to ice cream at the local Ice Cream Truck