Pokémon EternityX and OblivionY

Be sure to first read the other entires in the Pokémon series posted above this one in the navigation menu.

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"ah serena smell that kalosian air" "it smells just like johtoan air i don't see why we had to move" "oh live a little; this is your chance to experience the new and also the exciting!!!" "pretty much the entire world is new and exciting when you're confined to your hometown" "don't be like that" Just then, the doorbell rings. "hello there i am calem; i live nextdoor" "oh hi there did you stop here on your way to get a haircut" "what no" "oh um would you like some money to go get a haircut" "..." "..." "ANYWAY, i came here because professor sycamore wants to give your daughter, me, and a negro girl each pokémon" "oh nice!!! just as i planned!!! go, serena, and fulfill your dream!!!" "my dream was to become champion of the indigo league like my idols, green and crystal" "well now you can become champion of the kalos league!!!" "it's not the same" "just go already"
Serena follows Calem out to Aquacorde Town, where a negro, a fat kid, and a guy with a helmet for hair sit. "oh you must be serena and calem!!! i'm shauna and this is trevor and tierno!!! we need to give you both cute nicknames!!! i vote li'l s!!!" "i vote s-chan!!!" "what would you like to be called serena?!" Unable to keep it inside for any longer, Serena blurts out the word that's been bouncing around her head since she first laid eyes on Shauna. "NIGGER" "nigger?! it's got a great ring to it!!! so from now on, serena will be called nigger!!!" "now that THAT is out of the way, pick your pokémon!!!" Trevor opens the case, revealing three Pokeballs. "you pick first nigger" "oh this ground/hedgehog is cute!!!" "he evolves into THIS" Trevor holds up a photo of Chesnaught. "uh on second thought this frog guy is okay i guess" Serena chooses Froakie, Shauna chooses Fennekin, and Calem is left with Chespin. "nigger!!! i challenge you to a battle!!!" "okay" Serena's Froakie completely destroys Shauna's Fennekin head-to-head. "wow you're such a good trainer, nigger!!!"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Serena ventures through Santalune Forest and ends up in Santalune City, home of Viola's gym. "hey riding around on rollerskates is just the best isn't it?" "uh i don't know" "WHAT you don't have rollerskates?! well i'll fix that for you now" "hey wait-" Before she can say anything else, Serena is flipped upsidedown and has the rollerskates attachment bolted onto her shoes. "THESE WERE BRAND NEW" "and now they're even better!!! and what's more, they'll automatically bolt on to any other pair of shoes you buy!!!" "i don't want them" "too bad so sad goodbye!!!" The woman skates off, leaving Serena holding a lightpost with her legs flailing around, uncontrolled. "i hate kalos"
"yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING you can't skate in the building so let's just get those retracted" "THANK YOU" "do you dare to dream big?! do you wanna be the very best like no one EVER was?!" "i guess" "..." "..." "you GUESS?!" "yeah i guess" "whatever be that way; viola uses bug-types" Serena enters the gym and sees a giant spiderweb laid out before her. "what the fuck" "you're supposed to climb along the spiderweb to get to the gym leader at the top" "that sounds very unsafe" "i really hope you aren't afraid of heights, because nearly every gym in kalos involves climbing and/or bottomless pits" Serena sighs and begins to shimmy up the web. "hello trainer i'm viola and welcome to my gym; i hope our fight will be a good one" "yeah me too i guess GO FROAKIE" "GO VIVILLON" After a hard-fought battle, Serena wins her first badge.

CHAPTOUR THREE:
Serena exits the gym, and her rollerskates immediately redeploy, sending her careening onto her face. After hours of falling down, she gets used to the annoyance on her feet. She still hates it, however.
Serena heads north and ends up in one of the largest cities in the world, Lumiose City. "halt there's a black out you can't go this way" "uh dude the lights are on behind you" "no i meant there's a BLACK out; get off the streets" "oh that explains the overturned watermelon truck" Since the workers won't let Serena go to the gym, she instead decides to get a makeover, hoping none of the kids from Aquacorde Town will recognise her. It fails miserably. "oh there you are nigger; professor sycamore wanted to see you" "oh dammit" Serena mopes on over to Professor Sycamore's lab, wondering if she should have gotten plastic surgery as well. "hello there miss serena; how's froakie doing" "he's a frogadier now" "bien bien but how would you like something better than that frog?! a genuine starter pokémon from KANTO" "KANTO?!" "yes, here i have a bulbasaur, charmander, AND squirtle, and i will let you choose one" "oh man now i can be just like my idol, green!!!" Serena chooses Bulbasaur, and gives it a big hug. "so are you just going to ignore frogadier now or" "what no way; i'm not letting my cute little bulbasaur get hurt!!! that's what i have frogadier for" "ah"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"nigger could you please follow me to the cafe" "calem if you're asking me on a date i'm just going to tell you that i am more attracted to trevor than i am to you" "no that wasn't my-TREVOR?! the kid with a helmet for hair?!" "exactly; it says a lot about you really" "that isn't what i wanted to ask you about" "okay fine" Serena follows Calem to a cafe, where Lysandre is talking to Diantha. "diantha i loved your movies when you were young and vivacious but now you are simply old and ready to die" "um thanks?" "i strive to create a world where beauty lasts forever and age never withers the body" "uh-" "ah serena, another beautiful little flower that will soon be ravaged by time" "i'm only 15 sir" "FIFTEEN?! oh no it's worse than i thought" "um sorry calem but i'm gonna have to take a raincheck on that not-date" "i don't blame you" Serena turns and runs for it to Route 5. "ah hello there; they call me mr. bonding and i'd love to bond with you" "OH NO" "it's bonding time!!!" "STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER" Serena bowls over Mr. Bonding on her way out of the tunnel to Route 5, whereupon she is immediately sniffed all over by a Lucario. "well well it seems my lucario was drawn to your aura!!!" "STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
Serena heads east to Camphrier Town, but it sucks, so she continues onward and encounters a Snorlax blocking the path. "oh BOY this is just like that one time green encountered a sleeping snorlax and played for it a beautiful song and woke it up with its sublime melody" Serena calls up Phil the photo guy and has him take a picture of her and Bulbasaur next to the Snorlax. "thanks!!!" "uh yeah" "now let's see; green used a pokeflute to wake the snorlax but i don't want to be just a carbon copy of her!!! i could never be that amazing + beautiful!!! instead, bulbasaur and i will improvise!!! bulbasaur, vine whip!!!" Bulbasaur extends his vines over the Snorlax, and Serena climbs them over it. She then grabs the ends of the vines and Bulbasaur retracts himself to her. "let's see charmander do THAT"
Meanwhile, Shauna finds Parfum Palace's owner's missing Furfrou by herself, and is treated to a lonely fireworks show. "this will certainly be a memory i'll treasure forever" A single tear of loneliness streams down Shauna's cheek.

CHAPTOUR SIX:
Serena continues east through a cave to get to Ambrette Town, home of the fossil research lab. It's boring, though, so Serena heads north to Cyllage City, where Grant's gym is. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING grant uses rock-types; here's your climbing gear" Serena looks upward at the mile of rock wall she has to climb. "you know, in kanto, the second gym is just a swimming pool" "yeah and in kanto it's illegal to move diagonally" "yo my name is grant dog i look forward to a match n shieeeeeeet" "uh sure, homie; GO FROGADIER" "..." "..." "just take the damn badge"
Serena goes north to Geosenge Town, which is famous for its rocks. Since Geosenge Town sucks, Serena attempts to leave. "hey my lucario really likes you" "do i look like i'm from unova? i'm not into that sort of thing" "no he REALLY likes you" "and i'm REALLY not into that sort of thing; goodbye" "okay lucario proposes a battle; if you win, you leave, if he wins, you're going to be born again unovan" "dude no go away" "declining a battle is legally consenting in kalos" Serena slaps her face with her hand. "go frogadier" Serena handily wins the battle, and avoids having to give her best Unovan impression.

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
Serena heads through Reflecting Cave and into Shalour City, where the third gym lies, as well as the Tower of Lucario. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING korrina uses fighting-types also it's a rollerskating gym" "why? no one likes these things; everyone i've talked to just bitches about them endlessly; i look forward to gyms specifically because i don't have to use the damn things" "you bitching about it isn't going to change the fact that these rails need to be grinded on with mad steez" "what the fuck does that even mean"
"hello trainer!!!" "god not you again" "while you are here let me tell you about my lucario!!!" "uh okay" "i like it" "nice; let me tell YOU about my bulbasaur!!!" "uh okay" "bulbasaur is so cute cuddly LOVE IT want to admire it all day warm bulb so cute so amazing love it need it bulbasaur!!!" "uh-" "here are five facts about bulbasaur!!! 1: bulbasaur is a pokémon!!! 2: he's cute!!! 3: i love him!!! 4: bulbasaur!!!" "oh wow that was a lot better than mine" "thanks!!!" Serena's Frogadier proceeds to destroy Korrina's Lucarios in battle. "hey do you want a mega bracelet so you can mega evolve your pokémon" "oh uh okay" "great here you go NOW LET US DUEL MEGA LUCARIOS!!!" "um no thanks? i'd rather the first pokémon i mega evolve to be something i've caught and raised that means something to me personally" "i've locked the doors" "what" "you are not leaving until we battle with mega lucarios!!!" "this is now legally kidnapping" "the courts will never side against a gym leader" "dammit you're probably right" Serena is forced to battle with a Mega Lucario. "i feel so dirty" "now lucario really likes you and wants to go with you" "i'll pass" "okay but be warned that he will wait here on this balcony forever waiting for you with tears in his eyes" "that sounds hilarious actually; ciao" Serena flicks her hand in the air in a sarcastic wave as she leaves the Tower of Lucario.

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
Serena heads east to Coumarine City, home of Ramos's gym. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING ramos uses grass-types; say, how were you in gym class" "terrible why do you ask" "it's time for the rope climb!!!" "i've never been able to do that though" "good luck have fun go go go" Serena sighs and just has Greninja run her straight up the wall. "hello trainer i am ramos how goes it" "uh well" "good good" Serena's Greninja absolutely decimates Ramos's team.
Next, Serena takes a boat back south to Lumiose City, where they have taken care of the black, and Clemont's gym is once again open for business. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING this is a quiz gym" "oh just like the one green faced on cinnabar island!!!" "uh sure" Just then, a little girl rises on a small podium. "HELLO AND WELCOME TO OUR GAMESHOW; I'M YOUR HOST, BONNIE!!! AND HERE IS OUR CONTESTANT, ALL THE WAY FROM uh joh-to? never heard of it; IT'S SERENA" "uh hi" "now for our first question!!! WHO'S THAT POKéMON?!" "IT'S PIKACHU" "correct!!! now for our second question!!! what pokémon do we pray to every night?!" "cresselia!!!" "..." "..." "why" "to keep darkrai away of course what kind of question is that" "fine i'll give it to you; now for our third and final question!!! what the the exact hue found on a shiny pikachu?! give both rgb and hsv!!!" "..." "..." "y-yellow?" "INCORRECT; the answer is 255 red, 197 green, 49 blue; 29 hue, 240 saturation, and 143 value!!!" "how the fuck would any sane person be expected to know that" "that's just a test to make sure you aren't googling the answers on your phone; congratulations you get to face my brother now!!!" Serena is blasted off to the upper deck of the tower, coming face-to-face with Clemont. "hello i am clemont congratulations on passing the test" "thanks; GO GRENINJA" Serena's overleveled Greninja sweeps through Clemont's team with little effort. "heh i thought we'd encounter a situation precisely like this one!!! THE FUTURE IS NOW THANKS TO SCIENCE!!! CLEMONTIC GEAR ON!!!" An arm shoots out of Clemont's backpack. "here's your badge"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"serena it is i!!! your rival!!! calem!!!" "my wha-no dude i've wiped the floor with you every time we've battled" "that changes today!!! HAVE AT YOU!!! GO CHESNAUGHT" "go greninja" Serena's Greninja sweeps Calem's pathetic team. "guh" "so trevor want to push me on the swing?" "um okay" As Serena and Trevor head over to the swing, Calem is simply fuming. "hello everyone!!! calem, trevor, nigger" "hi shauna" "hey do you guys want to go to the scary house?!" Calem begins to sweat. "uh well um i'm uh going to go um BOND WITH MY POKéMON yeah bye" Calem zips off in a flash as Serena calls out to him. "PUUUUUSSYYYYYYYYY"
Serena, Shauna, Trevor, and the fat kid no one likes head into the Scary House. "hello? anyone in here?" A man turns around and begins jingling a spare change jar. "OH NO!!!" "HE'S TRYING TO GET US TO DONATE TO THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY!!!" "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The kids run out of the house, scared senseless and guarding their wallets.

CHAPTOUR TEN:
Serena heads north to Laverre City, home of Valerie's gym. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING valerie uses fairy-types" "you just made that up" "swear to god i didn't" "if there's a fairy type, why is clefairy a normal-type" "it isn't any more" "what that's ridiculous; clefairies can't just stop being weak to fighting-type moves because we've arbitrarily decided that fairy is its own type now" "hey i don't make the rules i just follow them okay"
Before she steps into the gym proper, Serena gets a call on her holocaster. "lucario" "how did you get my number" "lucario" "yes, i know that steel is super-effective against fairy" "lucario" "no, i do not want your help" "lucario" "i'm sure there are plenty of other trainers out there who will love you as much as you love them but i am simply not that trainer" "lucario" "goodbye lucario" Serena hangs up on Lucario. Lucario's face flushes red, happy beyond words that Serena finally said his name.
"hello trainer my name is valerie welcome to my dollhouse" "oh man i know you!!! you're THE valerie, from johto; i'm from johto as well!!! what are you doing here?!" "i heard that kalos has this weird-ass fairy-type and i just had to check it out" "oh cool cool i like your wings" "hey thanks; listen can i have your phone number? no one here wants to give me theirs" "oh me either and i've been REALLY hankering to do some talking on the phone" Serena and Valerie exchange phone numbers, then battle. Serena's Greninja absolutely destroys Valerie's team. "i'll call you later" "not if i call you first!!!" Valerie reaches for her phone, but can't grab it with her wingy suit on. "uh i'll call you later" "good idea"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"hey nigger would you like to take the pokéball factory tour with us?" "i have always wondered how they cram wailords into these tiny balls" Serena follows Trevor and Shauna to the Pokéball factory, where a man in a red suit is standing guard. "hey sir we're here for the tour" "we're closed" "really?" "yes, we are currently doing a private tour of the factory to the members of team flare; you can join us if you'd like if you can pay the team flare entry fee" "how much" "five million pokédollars" "uh i've only got a hundred thousand" "and i spent all my money on pokéballs trying to catch that dunsparce" "then no entry" "so what do we do now? that guy in the gaudy red suit won't let us in" "g-GAUDY?! i'll show you PUNKS" The Team Flare grunt chases Shauna and Trevor around town while Serena sneaks into the factory.
"so basically we'd like you to join our evil team" "oh that sounds nice; i'm in" "great; how will you be paying your five million pokédollar entry fee?" "f-FIVE MILLION?!" "these snappy red suits don't buy themselves" "please leave" "i have your verbal agreement to join recorded; if you do not pay up, we will legally be allowed to seize the factory" Serena wanders into the boss's office. "HA HA!!! my backup has arrived!!!" "a teenage girl isn't going to save you no matter how perfectly curled the tip of her ponytail is" "oh you like it? at first i was unsure of paying five thousand pokédollars to have the lady just tie my hair into a ponytail but i can't argue with the results" "f-FIVE THOUSAND?! we're in the wrong business" "maybe not; the hair lady told me she's undercharging due to the insane costs of the bidoof oil and trevenant sap used in the ponytailing solution" "hmm we'll have to do more research; let's go byrony" At that, the Team Flare scientists leave the factory. "thank you for your timely distraction miss; take this purple pokéball and BIG NUGGET as a reward" "what in the world is a big nugget?!" The factory owner shrugs.

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
Serena continues onward, through Dendemille Town to Anistar City, home of Olympia's gym. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING olympia uses psychic-types" "what the fuck kind of gym even is this it's just one room" Serena leans on a pedestal, causing the walls to fall down to reveal a vast series of pathways in outer space. "you know, the seventh gym in johto isn't dumbass bullshit like this; it's a hallway full of rocks" "hello trainer i am olympia welcome" "can we get through with this i'm feeling nauseated" Serena's Greninja destroys Olympia's entire team.
Suddenly, Serena gets a ring from her HoloCaster. "hey faggots, my name is lysandre, and i hate every single one of you; all of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures; you are everything bad in the world" "rude" "i am going to make kalos great again by killing anyone and everyone who is not a member of team flare and that will restore the world's beauty; arrivederci" "arrivederci? i thought kalos was france not italy" "MAMA MIA SERENA IT'S HORRIBLE TEAM FLARE IS GOING TO DESTROY KALOS" "oh thanks for warning me, i'll go tell valerie so we can go back to johto before it's too late" "or you could like stop them" "that doesn't sound like something i'd do at all"

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
Serena decides to look for Lysandre in his cafe in Lumiose City. She figures he wouldn't be enough of an idiot to hide out there, but at least she can say she put in the effort if anyone asks. "how did you find me?!" "just unlucky i guess" "well you can try to stop the ultimate weapon if you'd like, but first, you must brave the underground laboratory and its LOCOMOTION PANELS" "OH NO" Serena begins to panic, having heard all about the dangers of locomotion panels from Green's authorised biography, and a bunch of unauthorised ones. Serena reluctantly steps onto a locomotion panel and is whisked away. "hello there traveller; let me tell to you a story of a man and his pokémon; a tale of tragedy and-" Serena throws up on the man in the cage. "DUDE GROSS"
"okay miss; i'll give you one chance to stop us - pressing one of these buttons behind me will activate THE ULTIMATE WEAPON!!! choose wisely" "what will the other button do" Xerosic shrugs. "eeny meeny miney mo catch a nigger by the toe" Serena eventually chooses to press the red button. "a ha HA you FOOL!!! that is the activation button!!!" "the blue button was also the activation button wasn't it" "yeah but since you were the one who pressed it, any and all destruction caused by the ultimate weapon is legally your fault" "i knew i should have brought a lawyer with me"

CHAPTOUR FOURTEEN:
Serena goes back to Geosenge Town, where the superweapon has taken the place of the giant rocks in the center of the town. "OH NO NOT OUR BEAUTIFUL ROCKS!!! DAMN THAT TEAM ROCKET!!! DAMN THEM TO HELL!!!" Serena ignores the citizens' yelling and heads into the underground bunker to confront Lysandre. "no lysandre stop it" "i MUST return beauty to this world!!! the only way to do that is to exterminate all life!!!" "but beauty still exists in this world!!! look at my bulbasaur!!!" Serena holds up her Bulbasaur to Lysandre. "eh" "EH?!" "i've always perferred charmander" "ch-CHARMANDER?! NOW YOU LISTEN HERE: BULBASAUR IS SO CUTE CUDDLY LOVE IT WANT TO ADMIRE IT ALL DAY WARM BULB SO CUTE SO AMAZING LOVE IT NEED IT BULBASAUR!!!" "uh-" "HERE ARE FIVE FACTS ABOUT BULBASAUR THAT YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND FAGGOT 1: BULBASAUR IS A POKéMON 2: HE'S CUTE 3: I LOVE HIM 4: BULBASAUR!!!" "so yeah i'm going to press the button" "BULBASAUR VINE WHIP" Bulbasaur ties up Lysandre before he can press the button. "I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU SEE BULBASAUR'S GREATNESS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO" "dear arceus help me"

CHAPTOUR FIFTEEN:
With her business concluded, Serena heads back to Anistar City, then goes to Couriway Town, looks at the waterfalls for a bit, then finally ends up in Snowbelle City, home of Wulfric's gym. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING wulfric uses ice-types" Just then, Serena gets a call on her holocaster. "lucario" "yes, I KNOW that fighting and steel are both super-effective to ice" "lucario" "you're level 32; wulfric's pokémon are probably in their 50s" "lucario" "what?" "lucario lucario" Lucario proudly holds up a crtificate from the Pokémon League, showing that he has, in fact, trained himself to level 100 while waiting for Serena atop the Tower of Lucario. "okay that is kind of impressive but you're way out in shalour city on the other side of france" "lucario" "since when can pokémon hail a cab" "lucario" "what will you pay the fare with?!" "lucario" Lucario proudly holds up the debit card he's recently been approved for from Kalos National Bank. "fine i'll just go clothes shopping until you get here" "lucario!!!" Lucario rushes down the tower to hop into the cab he'd already called for, confident that his level 100 love would win Serena's heart. The cab speeds through the Kalos region, arriving in Snowbelle City in record time. "lucario!!!" Lucario leaps into the air and gives Serena the biggest hug in recorded history. "okay okay down boy" Serena brushes herself off. "okay let's see your moveset hmmm aura sphere, flash cannon, water pulse, psychic; okay, this is a perfect special attacking moveset; both STABs and you cover all your weaknesses" "lucario" Lucario proudly puffs his chest out. "okay fine i'll let you take on the gym" "lucario!!!" "but REMEMBER THIS: bulbasaur will ALWAYS be my favourite" "lucario" Lucario can live with that.
"hello i am wulfric i use ice-types" "why are ice-type gym leaders always at the end, when they're pathetic pushovers?" "i know right? i've been trying to talk to my agent and become one of the first three gym leaders but they just refuse to flip the region's gym route" Serena's level 100 Mega Lucario absolutely destroys all of Wulfric's Pokémon.

CHAPTOUR SIXTEEN:
Serena heads west, plows through Victory Road, and ends up at the Kalos Pokémon League. "yo CHAMP IN THE MAKING good luck" "hey thanks" Serena's overleveled Greninja and Mega Lucario run roughshod through Malva, Siebold, Wikstrom, and Drasna, and Serena eventually makes it to the champion's chamber. "who in the world are you" "i'm diantha famous actress" "oh are you the girl who plays lisa simpson" "no" "then i've never heard of you" "what kind of backwater region are you even from" "johto" "never heard of it" "well you'll never be able to forget it after i'm done here" Serena sends out her Greninja, which absolutely destroys Diantha's entire team. "oh wow nice overleveled starter are all trainers in kanto such boring cunts?" "JOHTO" "fine WEST kanto then" "that's better"

HALL OF FAME:
Greninja (level 100)
Lucario (level 100)
Bulbasaur (level 10)

CHAPTOUR SEVENTEEN:
Serena returns to Lumiose City, hoping to use her newfound clout to catch a flight back to Johto or Kanto, when a parade breaks out around her. "wha-" "SERENA SERENA SHE'S OUR GIRL; SAVIOUR OF ALL KALOS!!!" "what" "congratulations serena!!! you're being awarded the kalosian medal of honour!!!" "um cool?" "not only are you the champion, you also saved us all!!!" "i'm beginning to regret it" "don't be like that; look even the king of kalos, AZ showed up" "who the fuck is AZ" "i miss floette" "uh cool so uh can any of you people get me out of this region" "a ha ha ha no way; you've got publicity tours to do!!! you're going to be busy here in kalos for a long time!!!" "maybe bulbasaur can vine whip me up a noose" Suddenly, a heavenly light descends from the heavens. "FLOETTE YOU'VE RETURNED!!! YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING OUT FOR CIGARETTES 3,000 YEARS AGO BUT YOU'VE FINALLY COME BACK!!!" AZ embraces his long-lost Floette. "floette is so cute cuddly LOVE IT want to admire it all day warm flower so cute so amazing love it need it floette!!!" "uh-" "here are five facts about floette!!! 1: floette is a pokémon!!! 2: she's cute!!! 3: i love her!!! 4: floette!!!"
THE END