A Thing of the Past: Prehistory (65,000,000 BC)

Mission 000: Prologue [N/A]
Jakey wakes up with a lampshade on his head, tied to a chair. "oh MAN that was some party last night" "GOOD you're awake!!!" A man in a grey suit snatches the lampshade off of Jakey's head. "hey wait this isn't the IHOP" "very perceptive, o prince of canada" "hey thanks i've always prided myself on being a good uh perception guy" "it shows; i bet you'll even see THIS coming" The man whacks Jakey over the head with a wooden plank. "ow" "my name is chuck; give me the diamonds or i will be forced to break more planks over your head!!!" Chuck steps aside to reveal a giantic stack of wooden planks. "where'd you get all those planks" "plankz Я us was having a sale; buy one at regular price, get one at regular price" "oh shit is that still going on" "yes the sale ends friday" "aw shit man gotta get me out to the store to buy some planks" Jakey's chair begins to hop all over the place in Jakey's excitement. "struggle as you may, you will never break that rope!!! it was mastercrafted by the finest underage craftsmen in all beijing!!!" "oh damn man could you untie me please i've got to go take advantage of the bargains!!!" Suddenly, a sharp rock falls down and cuts the rope holding Jakey's left hand. "hey thanks" "WHO-" A furious kick comes out of the blue from a man wearing his trademark cowboy hat and his autographed 'Grug 65,000,000 BC' t-shirt. "SHERIFF ANTONY have you heard about the deals too!!!" "yes; we must go take advantage of these sweet deals" Sheriff Antony lays down some suppressing rocks as Jakey unties his other hand. Unfortunately, Sheriff Antony can only lay down six rocks before he has to find more. This gives Chuck enough time to huck his rock straight into the air, hitting a button which causes a trapdoor to open underneath his feet. Chuck falls down into his speedboat and speeds off, giggling like a madman. "is he just going to leave his planks here" "DUDE let's load this shit up into the sheriff antonymobile!!!" "fuck yes"  Michelle rapels down the rope attached to the crow's nest of the ship. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sheriff Antony missions]

Mission 001: Current Year [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey it's 65,000,000 BC; it's time to clean up these streets by any means necessary" "FUCK YES; these streets have been dirty for far too long!!! finally, in CURRENT YEAR, we will be the ones to clean them!!!" "exactly; i have just invented these the diamonds" "nice shiny rocks bro" "yeah so i want you to eat these rocks" "WHAT rocks aren't for eating!!!" "these rocks are special" "i don't know" "i'll give you this neat stick i found if you eat them" "deal" Jakey ingests The Diamonds, and feels power previously unknown to this world course through his veins. "now about that stick" Sheriff Antony hands Jakey the stick he'd found, and Jakey begins thrusting it, accidentally hitting Michelle with it. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Diamonds/stick]

Mission 002: Dreams of the Common Man [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey we have reports of someone robbing the rock depository" "that fucking asshole; he knows those rocks are essential to our way of life!!!" Sheriff Antony and Jakey hop onto their triceratopses and ride out for the rock depository, where everyone's rocks are held. A woman stands at the counter, uncaring about the fate of the rocks. "CITIZEN what happened to the rocks!!!" "some guy stole them? i don't know" "why aren't you more broken up about this?!" "i didn't want to be the rock depositor but my parents said 'oh ruth you've got to have a respectable career' and made me a fucking rock depositor" "uh cool which way did the guy go" Ruth shrugs. "goddammit" "guess we'll have to follow this trail of rocks then" "those could just be regular rocks though" "well it's the only potential lead we've got" Jakey and Sheriff Antony follow the trail of rocks into a ravine, where a gigantic pile of rocks lies, being counted by a blonde woman. "HEY FUCKER THOSE ARE OUR ROCKS" "YEAH GIVE THEM BACK" "eep" The woman whistles, and a pterodactyl swoops in and grabs the sack of rocks, whisking it away to parts unknown. "okay lady where is that pterodactyl going" "i'll never tell" Sheriff Antony and Jakey begin to huck sharp sticks at the woman. "torture me all you like, but unless you invent some kind of burning substance, you'll never break me" "psst sheriff antony can we actually do that" "i don't know all we've got are these sticks" "maybe if we like rub them together really fast" "worth a shot" Jakey and Sheriff Antony begin rubbing their sticks together as fast as they can, and create a pair of flames. "WHAT" "NOW VILLAIN ARE YOU GOING TO SPEAK OR MUST WE BURN YOU WITH OUR HOT STICKS" "it doesn't look THAT hot" Sheriff Antony prods the woman with his stick, setting her leopardskin cavegarment aflame. "AH SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK IT'S HOT" "are you going to talk now, villain?!" "okay okay what do you want to know" "who are you and why did you take our rocks?!" "i'm kathy and i wanted to own all of the rocks!!! nothing will stop my quest for more rock-related wealth!!!" "and where did that pterodactyl take the rocks?!" "the last place anyone would look for them!!! THE ROCK DEPOSITORY ITSELF" "oh thanks for returning them; i wasn't looking forward to lugging them back all by myself" "wait SHIT" As Kathy laments her decision, Michelle rides in on the back of a pterodactyl. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Ruth missions]

Mission 003: Necessity is the Mother of Invention [Sheriff Antony]
"so jakey now that we've invented this burning thing we need to give it a name" "i was never good at naming things" "i was thinking 'fire'" "where did that come from" "it's the end of the word 'sheriff' but backwards" "oh that makes sense; yeah do that" "okay so we need to keep the secrets of fire a you know secret so our advantage over the criminals doesn't disappear" "makes sense" "so this means you can't go out impressing women by setting fires" "oh that's a good idea" "jakey" "but i will refrain from acting upon it" "good" "so the next question is are there any other things we can use fire for" "i don't see how; it's really hot and hurts a lot when you touch it" "true true but what if we put something in the fire other than our hands" "fire doesn't really affect rocks" "what about like meat" "i'm curious now" Sheriff Antony grabs a cutlet of dinosaur meat from his meat pile, and holds it in the fire, cooking the meat to a delicious well-done. "oh man this is good" "so much better than slimy raw meat" "we should open a food-eating place" "you mean a place where people can exchange rocks for fire-made food?!" "yeah, people need more places to spend their rocks anyway" "true true" Michelle walks over and holds an ice cream in the fire, but it melts into liquid. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/not e coli]

Mission 004: Food for the Masses [Sheriff Antony]
After many hours picking out a suitable cave, Sheriff Antony and Jakey finally get to work on making their restaurant, McRock's. "excuse me sirs" "yes, citizen?" "my name is candice and i noticed that you are cleaning a new cave for a business of some sort; have you considered making a new structure instead of using a cave" "you can't just build a cave" "no but you can build something better!!!" "better than a cave? i don't believe you" Candice lays out a blueprint for a building made of stacked stones. "this is the future of living!!!" "what's the point" "pardon?" "what's the point of making your own structure when nature has provided many of its own" "well this one can be made the proper size to fit anything at all" "just keep looking for a different cave that suits your needs" "this one can also be built anywhere, such as by a river or in a cluster so people can live closer together" "what about privacy" "that's why they have walls" "caves have walls" "but you don't get to decide where they are" "and there's no cost or effort involved in making one" Candice realises that nothing she says will get through to Sheriff Antony, so she mopes away. "weirdo" Michelle enters the cave and makes her order. "i'll have a 'take me home'"
[reward: respect +/Candice missions]

Mission 005: A Bustling Business [Sheriff Antony]
"all right jakey we've hired a moderately attractive waitress and now we just sit back and let the money roll right in" "so if we're keeping it all a secret, who is preparing the food" "well since he's also an officer of the law, i just let deputy orange do it" "okay that makes sense" Jakey walks up to the counter, hungry and ready to place an order. "hello and welcome to mcrock's!!! my name is claire and i will be your waitress today" "hi i'll have a number one special, with mountain dew to drink" "coming right up sir; would you like to supersize that for just one rock more" "fuck yeah i would" "okay that will be five rocks" Jakey hands Claire the rocks, and receives his food in return. He sits down across from Michelle and eats his meal. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Deputy Orange missions/Claire Who is Alive missions]

Mission 006: A Loan in the Dark [Ruth]
"how come they didn't terminate your employment at the rock depository" "just 'lucky' i guess" All of a sudden, an older woman walks into the rock depository. "hello my name is arabella hughes and i would like to apply for a loan" "and what would this loan be for ma'am" "i want to invent a device that holds water in which you would soak yourself in order to get yourself clean" "that's why we have rivers" "my neice is spending far too much time at the river and keeps getting attacked by dinosaurs and i want her to be able to clean herself from within the safety of our cave" "whatever; take all the rocks you want" "oh boy" Arabella heads into the vault, where Michelle is stuffing rocks into her purse. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Arabella missions]

Mission 007: Loads and Loads of Loans [Ruth]
Another older woman walks into the rock depository. "hello my name is piper jackson and i would like to apply for a loan" "sure whatever" Ruth waves Piper into the rock vault. Piper carefully analyses several rocks and begins sorting them into different piles. "uh what are you doing" "oh i collect cool rocks and wanted to paw through the rocks in this vault to add the cool ones to my collection; i have no need for all the uncool rocks i've amassed so i figure i can just trade them for better ones" "oh smart" "oh MAN look at this rock; it is shaped like john f kennedy!!!" "never heard of him" "oh he lives down the street from me; nice guy" "i'll take your word for it" "and look at this rock!!! it is shaped just like your sister michelle!!!" Piper hands Jakey a rock shaped exactly like Michelle. He swears he can hear it speaking to him. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/rock shaped like Michelle/Piper missions]

Mission 008: Payback [Ruth]
"hey it's me, gwendolyn; i'm here to pay back my loan" "cool whatever" Ruth waves Gwendolyn into the vault, and Jakey immediately follows. "hello there miss what did you take out a loan for" "oh i wanted to invent a way to produce water from human blood" "what" "i've been studying the local vampire population and have been intrigued by their ability to gain nutrients from blood, so i thought maybe i could try and invent something that would do the same for us humans" "be careful around those vampires" "i know i know but just imagine not having to go down to the river for water; you'd just draw blood from a friend and lick it off as it dribbles down his neck" "ew" "that's what everyone says but i will prove them wrong or die trying" "my money's on the latter" Michelle walks into the vault with blood dribbling down her neck. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Gwendolyn missions]

Mission 009: A Roof Over Your Head [Candice]
"so how's your 'revolutionary' new idea working out candice" "no one wants a house" "are you going to admit it's a stupid idea now" "never; i promise you that one day in the future, houses will overtake caves as the world's most popular dwelling" "you should consider a career in comedy" "EXCUSE ME" A woman runs up to Candice, panting from exhaustion. "is this where you sell those 'house' things" "yeah" "i'll take one" "YES" "WHAT" "i looked up to the stars and squinted a lot and they told me that i should buy a house" "excellent; may i get your name" "my name is... unimportant" "uh how am i going to get you your house if i don't have a name" "no, my parents named me 'unimportant'" "oh i'm so sorry" "it could be worse; i could have been named" Unimportant shudders. "chloe" "yeah if you look at it that way i suppose it's not so bad" Candice jots down Unimportant's name and begins constructing the house immediately. Michelle walks over to Jakey. "i have also been reading the stars, and they have told me to tell you to take me home"
[reward: respect +/Unimportant missions]

Mission 010: A Meal Fit for a King [Deputy Orange]
"how's the business going deputy" "pretty well; we've got the king himself coming by later to try our meat" "sweet" Right on cue, King Bran and his royal entourage enter the restaurant. King Bran is immediately served a McRock burger. He takes one bite, and falls in love. "BRING ME THE MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR INVENTING THIS BEAUTIFUL WORK OF FOOD ART" Jakey walks up to the king, bowing. "rise!!! RISE, I SAY!!! you, sir, are no mere peasant!!! from this day forth, you are a DUKE!!!" "sick" "ALSO: should our great continent of pangaea be somehow split into two, i declare YOUR family the ruling family of the northern portion!!!" "FUCK YEAH" King Bran excitedly continues eating his burger, while Jakey starts thinking of a name for his theoretical country. Michelle walks in, and for being related to Duke Jakey, she is promoted to Duchess. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/dukedom/King Bran missions]

Mission 011: As Alive as the Dinosaurs [Claire Who is Alive]
"so cashier how's the business on your end" "couldn't be more peachy if we served actual peaches!!!" "good, good; i'm going over there now" Jakey, true to his word, goes over there. When he turns around, however, Claire is gone. "what the fuck where did the cashier go?!" Jakey looks around and finds a note scribbled on the back of a receipt. "kidnapped?! good job i never told her the secret to making the burgers" Jakey hops onto his triceratops and gallops away for the address on the note, but all he finds is a vaguely Claire-shaped corpse. "aw man i'm too late" Jakey hangs his head, remembering the one conversation they shared. "ugh what happened" "GAH" Jakey leaps backward, startled by the appearance of Claire's ghost. "whose cute little body is that" "it's uh yours" "what? no way man-" Claire looks down and notices that she's floating. "aw man i knew i shouldn't have climbed into that guy's burlap sack!!!" "yeah that should have raised some red flags right there" "can you like do something with my body? i don't want to just leave it here to rot" "like what?" "good question" "I HAVE AN IDEA" An attractive blonde woman walks toward Jakey and Claire. "my name is jasmine; i happened to be coincidentally nearby, which is good because now i can convince you to be the first to try my latest invention!!!" "i'm listening" "okay so you know how we just leave corpses lying around?" "yeah" "what if we BURIED them" "what why" "that way they'd be out of sight and out of mind" "but what if the family wanted to pay respects; you can't do that with no corpse" "that's why we mark off the 'grave' as i call it with a big rock with the corpse's name carved onto it!!!" "i like it" "good good i'll get started right away" Jasmine begins digging a grave for Claire's corpse, and accidentally digs up Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jasmine missions]

Mission 012: Raw Materials [Arabella]
"so how's that water-storage unit thing coming along" "it's kind of not" "let me see your materials" Arabella stands aside and shows Jakey the huge rock she'd found. "what do you plan to do with this thing" "i want to chip away at it until it's just a big bowl" "how" "observe" Arabella pulls out her club and begins whacking the top of the rock. "YES YES THAT'S IT!!!" Arabella stops, and she and Jakey look toward the voice, confused. A woman comes sprinting up, carrying two rocks of her own. "THAT'S IT!!! THAT SOUND!!! it's the sound of a generation!!!" "what" "go back to whacking that rock" Arabella complies, and the strange woman begins banging her own rocks together, creating a tune. "i don't get it" "how can you not?! this is the sound that will define our lives!!!" Arabella stares at the woman, bewildered. "you are a strange little woman" "i'm a visionary; in the future, they will all listen to my sounds and will try and recreate 'the julia armell experience'" "yeah sure whatever now if you'll excuse me, i have a lot of beating this rock to do" Arabella resumes beating the rock, and Julia resumes banging her rocks together. Michelle raises the devil horns and bangs her head to the visionary sounds. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Julia missions]

Mission 013: Rock and Roll All Night [Piper]
"JAKEY good you're just in time!!! check out this awesome rock i found!!!" "it's gigantic" "now how am i going to get it back to my cave" "you're not; that thing is way too big even if we had the dinosaurs try to move it" "and we can't just move my cave" "and there are no caves near the rock" "man i can't figure out a solution to this one" "BUT I CAN" Candice steps out from behind the rock. "what if you BUILT A NEW DWELLING NEXT TO THE ROCK" "that sounds amazing!!!" Jakey slaps his face with his hand. He hates this 'house' thing, and sincerely hopes that this is the last one he has to see built. Candice begins feverishly working on a house for Piper while Piper goes to get her stuff from her cave. Michelle buys Piper's cave from her for fifty rocks. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Candice missions]

Mission 014: Bloody Fangs [Gwendolyn]
"psst jakey check it out over there" "what's going on" "check out those vampires frolicking in the moonlight" "i didn't know vampires frolicked" "see? they're just like you and me" "uh-" "i'm going to go frolic with them" "uh i wouldn't-" Before Jakey can finish his sentence, Gwendolyn is off and frolicking with the vampires. All goes pretty well for a while, until a vampire gradually frolics closer and closer to Gwendolyn's neck and sinks in his teeth, turning Gwendolyn into a vampire. She quickly returns to the bush that Jakey is hiding in. "so how'd it go" "i don't want to talk about it" Michelle hands Gwendolyn a red solo cup full of blood. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/red solo cup appears at cave]

Mission 015: Myths and Legends [Gwendolyn]
"what are you making gwendo" "my favourite garlic bread recipe" "aren't vampires allergic to garlic" "oh that's just a myth" Gwendolyn bites into her delicious treat, and immediately bursts into flames. "GODDAMMIT BEING A VAMPIRE FUCKING SUCKS" "seems that way doesn't it" "i don't understand how such a creature could be happy enough to frolic under any circrumstances" "are you going to put out that fire?" "what's the point; i'm going to go step out into the sunlight and end this shit" "i'm not going to stop you if that's how you really feel but shouldn't we at least go on a long fruitless quest for a cure" "fine fine" Jakey and Gwendolyn wait for nightfall, then head to the Mystic Forest, where a cheery woman is feeding the squirrels. "hey are you a wizard" "yeah they call me 'the great cheryl' but i don't feel so great" "what's wrong" "i haven't done anything great or saved anyone; it seems like hollow praise" "hoo boy then have i got a proposition for you; gwendo here has become a vampire and wants to not be that" "oh that's easy" The Great Cheryl grabs a stick and waves it around, curing Gwendolyn of her vampirism. "that was way easier than i had imagined" "yeah but you'll also have to take three of these every day until the next full moon" The Great Cheryl hands Gwendolyn a bottle of pills. "uh thanks" "don't mention it" Michelle walks up and gets the next bottle of her own prescription. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Great Cheryl missions]

Mission 016: Complete 180 [Gwendolyn]
"hey uh what's up" "oh hey jakey you see those vampires over there? i plan to kill every last one of them" "oh nice" "look at them; frolicking under the moonlight like they're not the scum of the earth" "it's sickening" "i know right?! well no longer!!!" Gwendolyn pulls out a strange weapon. "this is my latest invention: THE WOODCHUCKER!!! it will chuck wooden stakes straight into those vampires" "nice" "FIRE IN THE HOLE" Gwendolyn hucks a clove of garlic into the centre of the frolicking, dropping the vampires to their knees, whereupon Gwendolyn picks them off one-by-one. "nice work" "thanks it felt really good" "are you going to hunt down all the other vampires across pangaea now" "that's an idea; i could train a whole team of vampire killers" "yeah make the world safe so your great great great great great [...] great great great great great granddaughter doesn't get turned into a vampire" "god forbid" Michelle walks up and hucks down a clove of garlic, to no effect. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/woodchucker weapon]

Mission 017: Guided by the Stars [Unimportant]
Jakey enters Unimportant's house, disgusted. "oh hey jakey check out my cool new house; the first of its kind" Jakey begins to grumble, unhappy with the current house fad. "oh don't be jealous; i'm sure candice will make you one too if you ask" "i don't want one" "fine fine live in a cave; they're both perfectly valid dwellings" Jakey begins to grumble again. "so anyway i was looking up at the stars again last night and they told me something VERY important" "was it more of candice's propaganda" "no no they're telling me to look at the stars for not just myself, but for everyone else!!!" "what would that accomplish" "check it out: you're a taurus right?" "what" "you were born on june 11th right" "yeah so" "that means you were born under the taurus and if we look up at the taurus tonight we'll see what the stars say for you!!!" "that's ridiculous" "the stars say that you will take michelle home!!!" "I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT" "sure sure" Unimportant waves Jakey off to talk to Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/taurus banner appears at cave]

Mission 018: An Important Bulletin [Unimportant]
"check it out jakey; i have printed a complete list of everything the stars said last night for each of the thirteen birthsigns" "seriously" "yeah totally; i, as a saggitarius, will have good luck today" "right" "and you, as a taurus, will have terrible luck today so you'd better watch out" "yeah right like the stars can-OOF" Jakey steps on a rake, whacking himself in the nose. "THE STARS HAVE SPOKEN" "maybe you shouldn't leave your rakes just lying around everywhere!!!" "maybe you should look before you step" "i don't need this shit; where's michelle" "here i am!!!" Michelle, who is also a taurus, steps on a different rake, whacking herself in the nose. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/horoscope bulletins appear at bulletin boards]

Mission 019: Feel it All Over [King Bran]
"jakey now that you're a duke you've got to be protected like one; it wouldn't do to have my duke be splattered on the ground like a dropped egg" "uh no it would not" "thus i am assigning you a bodyguard and a maid" "oh boy" "this is your bodyguard, grace sherborne" "hi" "hi" "and uh which maid do you want between emelyn and noriko" "the one with the cool headband and cloak" "you really think it's cool?! people always made fun of them in school, and also the way how i run with my arms trailing behind my back" "what's the advantage of that" "it makes you go faster" "really?!" "yeah try it" Jakey begins to sprint around with his arms behind his back. "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT" Jakey sprints and sprints until he finally sprints into Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Special Agent Grace missions/Noriko missions/Emelyn missions]

Mission 020: A King's Castle [King Bran]
Candice approaches King Bran's throne, nestled deep within his cave. "king bran this cave is nice and all but what you really need is a castle" "what's that" "imagine being able to build your own dwelling as big and imposing as you want" "i already have the biggest and most imposing cave in all of pangaea" "but check it out" Candice shows King Bran a drawing of a beautiful castle. "that seems really wasteful of our natural resources, our time, AND our energy when we already live in perfectly good caves" "uh-" "FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, I, KING BRAN OF PANGAEA, DECREE THAT NON-CAVE DWELLINGS BE MADE ILLEGAL AND ANY THAT ALREADY EXIST ARE TO BE DESTROYED" "HEAR YE HEAR YE" "WHAT" "also throw miss candice in the dungeon" "can do milord" Emelyn throws Candice into a deep hole in the cave floor. Everyone erupts into raucous applause for King Bran, but most of all Jakey and Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/jubulations]

Mission 021: Final Resting Place [Jasmine]
"check it out jakey i just invented the graveyard" "you dedicated an entire plot of land to corpses" "yeah totally" "seems like a waste" "come on; how would you want your corpse treated" "i'd want my body to be used by my decendants; my bones made into tools, my skin turned to leather" "ew" "better than rotting in a hole out here" "whatever you say" "so who's that over there" "oh that's valerie; we've had a lot of requests to bury bodies and i simply can't keep up so i hired an assistant but she's more trouble than she's worth" "why; she looks like she's digging hard" "her technique is abhorrent; she insists on using a big shovel to dig faster rather than a smaller shovel to dig with more finesse" "her way sounds faster" "rushing it won't help anything; if the graves aren't tailored to the corpses, what's the point" "i don't know what the point is to begin with" "i swear you people will be the death of me, and then who will bury my corpse? if i have to end up in a valerie grave? i'd rather be hucked in a lake" "harsh" "the truth hurts sometimes" Valerie finishes digging a grave, and hucks Michelle into it. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Valerie missions]

Mission 022: An Artist's Best Friend [Julia]
Julia sits in a clump, drinking her sorrows away. "uh what's going on here" "i'm drinking this water to drown my sorrows but it's not going so hot" "yeah if only we could invent a liquid that would be better for such a thing" "alas" "and who's that next to you" "i'm alison lacroix; no one understands my art" "what kind of art" "check it out" Alison motions to a picture she'd painted on the wall of the cave. "i don't get it" "okay so in the first box a guy is bursting into the medical cave, worried; in the second box, he is talking with the receptionist, and in the third, he is talking with the doctor" "okay i'm with you so far" "and in the fourth, he is standing over his wife, who has just suffered a terrible loss" "what kind of loss" "it's open to interpretation" "uh-huh" "see? no one gets my art" "maybe if you drew something simple, like a flower or a big t.rex, then it would be easier" "pfft no way; that's for losers" "yes, because your 'artistic vision' has gotten you so far in life, next to the woman who bangs two rocks together and calls it revolutionary" "HEY I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO IT" Jakey grabs two rocks and bangs them together in no particular rhythm. "see? you can't even get a rhythm down" "i don't know what that is" "and neither does anyone else" Julia pours an entire hollowed-out coconut filled with water onto her head. Michelle does the same. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Alison missions]

Mission 023: Dungeon Days [Candice]
"you know, i just wanted to help people" "uh-huh" "but now i'm locked in this dank dungeon alongside the girl who scribbles on the walls" "oh no i'm not locked in here; i'm just gathering intel" "what" "i'm star reporter violet griffin; those 'scribbles' are the hard-hitting news of today" "you have really bad handwriting then" "yeah i should really get someone else to do the scribbling" "please write nice things about me" "i'll tell everyone that you've got good hair but i can't condone your actions" "dammit" Michelle drops down into the hole next to Jakey. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Violet missions]

Mission 024: Heaven in a Can [The Great Cheryl]
"so how's being a wizard treating you" "oh it's great; i can conjure anything i desire" "can you conjure a bubbly green drink that tastes amazing" "uh let me try" The Great Cheryl waves a stick around and conjures a fresh can of Mountain Dew. Jakey cracks the can, and is immediately enraptured by the sound. "oh i love it already" Jakey gives the can a whiff, then pours it into his mouth. "this is the single greatest thing i've ever tasted" "really?" "yes, you should conjure more" "okay" The Great Cheryl conjures more and more Mountain Dew, filling the entire continent of Pangaea with beautiful green cans. "please marry me" "what was that" "please-" Michelle slaps her hand over Jakey's mouth. "oh jakey oh course you can take me home"
[reward: respect +/Mountain Dew appears all over the place]