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 game of the year 2016

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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: game of the year 2016   Tue Jan 03, 2017 10:12 pm

2016 was certainly a year. And videogames certainly came out during it. Ho boy.

TO DO:
Batman: The Telltale Series (Xbone)
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided (Xbone)
Fire Emblem Fates (3DS)
LEGO Marvel's Avengers (Xbone)
LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Xbone)
Miitomo (Mobile)
Ratchet and Clank: The Game Based on the Movie Based on the Game (PS4)
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Special Edition (Xbone)
Uncharted 4: A Thief's End (PS4)


Fire Emblem Fates
weeb game for weeb-chans

this review is ridiculously long as a note, since it's three games in one really and i wrote most of it at like 1AM
The fourteenth Fire Emblem game, and the seventh to be released in the west.
If you've never played a Fire Emblem game before, I recommend starting with either Fire Emblem 7 (just called "Fire Emblem" over here) or The Sacred Stones (FE8), both for GBA. Path of Radiance (FE9) for the GameCube (starring Ike) is the best one I've played, but it's best by such a wide margin that I wouldn't recommend playing it first.
I've thought about it a bit more. FE7 was the first I played, but it didn't grab me 100% until AFTER I played FE13.
I'd recommend starting with Awakening (the most accessible one) or Path of Radiance (the best one) at this point.

Fire Emblem: Awakening (FE13) for 3DS divided the fanbase a bit. They decided to go HAM in making it marketable and accessible to normies and weebs (it was actually going to be the last FE game for a while due to poor sales). A huge emphasis was placed on waifus and shit, and the gameplay was simplified by making the objectives all "kill everyone" or "kill the boss". Units could also grind and reclass infinitely, meaning that whoever you decided to use would end up ridiculously strong, especially if you planned that shit out in regards to abilities and breeding to pass on the best skills. I thought it was a great game, but I can understand why people wouldn't.

This game is unique in how it attempts to Jew you out of all your shekels. The game has three full-length campaigns. The first two are two sides of a conflict, where you choose whichever side you buy the game for. The other one can be purchased as DLC for half price and played there as well. The third is a bit different, and we will go over that later.
Note that while each game's story is an alternate version of the same story, it was made so you have to play all three to understand the story. You won't understand what the motivations of Hoshido are if you don't play Birthright, you won't understand what the motivations of Nohr are if you don't play Conquest, and Revelation expects you to have played both Conquest and Birthright. Three games for the price of two.

The plot is that Corrin (you) was (were) born in Hoshido, but kidnapped by and subsequently raised in Nohr. And, surprise, they're at war and you have to pick a side.
If it were me, like, really me in a world where I don't get to experience both, I would definitely pick Nohr. Not just because of the tits, but because, really, I don't know these Hoshidans. I couldn't look busty onee-chan or imouto-chan in the eyes and say "hey yo thanks for the free shit but i'm going home nigga". Besides, Corrin's not even blood-related to the Hoshidans that call him/her their sibling. So it doesn't even matter.

The big controversy this time was that they removed the Pokémon-Amie feature. Except instead of Pokémon, it was your soldiers. Basically what they did was take the rubbing bit out and just replace it with a static scene of the character saying pretty much the same lines they said for rubbing them.
Watching some of them on YouTube, I feel like I'm playing another one of those romance VNs where you spend a couple days and Hisao falls in love with the cripple of the week and you begin to care for two of them (Rin + Lilly) and so when it's over you feel really empty inside especially so since you don't have a real-ass wife like SOME of us do and then you lie on your bed and just think "damn" and wonder if there's someone for you out there and if she lives anywhere where she'd even speak English because that must happen sometimes right where you're given your soulmate by God and as a joke he makes them Chinese or some shit so you'll never be able to communicate then you get to Heaven and God's like "yo dog why didn't you find your soulmate" then he has a laugh and you feel really bad then he sends you down to Hell because you never really contributed anything to the world and really you deserve it anyway so you stand there burning in Hell for all eternity for your sins and you can't help but think ">tfw no gf" and think back to the Lillys and Felicias and especially the Greens of the world and curse the Japanese for making you fall in love even for a moment with a fictional character and not doing something constructive like getting married to someone you meet at the grocery market and having two kids who hate your guts before you realise it was a mistake and your wife divorces you and takes all your shit because the court system is biased toward the female and of course you can't pay for all this child support and allimony and everything you personally need to live so you either die or go to jail then die and you're back in Hell so really it's no better so I guess you did the right thing because even if you personally never had sex in a bathtub with a blind blonde girl you read about how Hisao did it and really it's the same thing so I guess life was okay after all
Oh, wait, the lines are all still in the game, they just removed the face-patting. Except for your spouse, who you can rub all you want. So I guess we have to go through all that again.
As a rule, I'll only complain about localisation changes if it's something absolutely retarded. I don't mind most of it.

As with nearly anything that was originally in Japanese, the English voice acting in this one is hit or miss. Most of the males are great, but the females vary wildly.
Positive example: Felicia went from generic little anime girl to sounding like an adult with probably the best voice ever.
Negative example: Camilla went from sexy onee-chan to a creepy old lady.

I bought the cartridge for Conquest, and then bought Birthright as DLC and played that first. Birthright is similar to 2013's Awakening, and Conquest is a harder game with varied, difficult objectives and shit.
The gameplay as about the same as Awakening otherwise. You control your units, drag them around the map, hope they don't get killed, then marry them off to try and get their overpowered child units. You know. Except this time, the child units are hit or miss.

You can also scan in Amiibos of Marth, Ike, Robin, or worst girl and unlock that character as a playable unit after a battle against their (actually pretty strong) forces. They don't have any interaction with the main army, however. No word on whether or not the Roy Amiibo will have the same functionality, or if the Corrin Amiibo will do anything. (at this point i'm 99% sure they won't ever)

I'm going to divide my +/- shit into four sections, one for each version of the game plus comments that are true for all three routes.
If I mention a character in the first section, they are available in all three routes. If I mention a character in the second or third section, they are exclusive to that route and Revelation. If I mention a character in the fourth section, Revelation fucked something up.

Consistent criticisms between all three versions
As a note, if you are a filthy casual such as myself and play on casual mode, Corrin's death doesn't require you to restart the stage. In Awakening, if Robin or Chrom was killed, you'd have to restart.
YES I DIED ON THE SECOND CHAPTER DON'T JUDGE ME
I'M A BIT RUSTY

+ Miss Corrin is cute! CUTE!
+ Cutscenes have subtitles, unlike Awakening and Path of Radiance
+ Hoshido and Nohr both have different types of weapons (e.g. H has katanas, animal-based magic, and naginatas; N has longswords, elemental magic, and spears)
+ All three paths have different upgraded and fully-upgraded versions of Corrin's main weapon, the Yato, in both stats and appearance (for story reasons to boot)
+ Gunter is the greatest version of the classic Fire Emblem trick yet
+ Felicia's voice is amazing
+ Sophie's dialogue is super-dupity cute
+ Izana is a meme character in the best possible way "Oh, ancient gods... What's up?" (to be fair I found that way funnier than I should have)
+ Retainers share a critical hit line with their Lord, which is a pretty neat detail
+ Amiibo functionality is sweet as fuck
- Fire Emblem Amiibos aren't the most common in the world
- They gave Marth an English voice actor (he's not that bad actually)
- Ike's basic attack animation is Aether for some reason
- Some accessories have clipping issues for some classes
- Romantic supports can still be jarring, especially when it's "hate you / dislike you / you're okay / I LOVE YOU"
- And especially when Jakob marries anyone but Corrin or Azura and it's "hate you / hate you / hate you / I LOVE YOU"
- Anna DLC isn't coming out until April, when I'll have already finished all three campaigns and will have no use for another character until I replay in like 2018/2019
- Rehashed Awakening characters that are like "reincarnations" of the originals
- Male Corrin doesn't really have any good options like Robin did in Awakening (but he IS voiced by LIQUID FUCKING SNAKE)
- Dragon Stones have been nerfed to fuck (1 range/inability to double makes the whole thing useless)
- Azura is obviously meant to reel in the Lucina fanbase (and Lucina was absolute shit in her game)
- Azura's song is pretty annoying since you hear it all the fucking time
- Every scene with Azura is just "wow you're so mysterious" and she knows everything about everything and fucking hell
- Azura might actually be legitimately retarded
- Your spouse always wants you to blow them whenever you get home and I'm sick of it
- Child units are obviously shoehorned in to appeal to Awakening fans
- Ratio of fertile males and females is wonky so if you play as a dude Corrin, you can potentially lock yourself out of a unit
- Too many child paralogues are "child is in the middle of the map and will die if parent doesn't talk to them also the terrain prevents fast ground movement"
- Level scaling on child paralogues is absolutely retarded
- "Did I mention that if you try and bring flying units the thousands of units with bows will fuck their shit up thanks have fun"
- Some optional units (Izana, Yukimura, Flora, Fuga) require you to upgrade parts of your base that are useless otherwise
- While each game's story is an alternate version of the same story, it was made so you have to play all three to understand the story
- No option for Japanese audio if you're into that sort of thing
- I AM SICK OF MEMES
- NINTENDO MEMEHOUSE RUBBING THEIR FUCKING MEMES ALL OVER THESE GAMES
- MIGHT AS WELL CALL THEM FIRE EMBLEM: MEMERIGHT AND MEMEQUEST

Birthright
The idea behind this one is that you were born in Hoshido and should defend your place of birth. Hoshido is based on Glorious Nippon.
The maps are pretty much entirely simply designed and the objectives are straightforward (rout, defeat boss, seize, escape), which is just PEACHY
I played as a woman in this one and married my butler, Jakob.
As a note, I'm never playing as a girl in this game again.

+ Story actually gets kind of emotional toward the end
+ Azama is THE best character
+ His child Mitama / She is absolutely great / Just as great as he
+ Silas and Rinkah's support is a game of fucking tag
+ Saizo and Setsuna's B support is fucking amazing
+ Saizo's son has a great dynamic with his parents, but I wish they hadn't made him a Gaius clone otherwise
+ Takumi's supports are legitimately great and make me kind of sorry that I neglected to use him for so long
- Two of the four Hoshidan siblings are completely unlikable (at the beginning), while all four Nohrian siblings are likable as fuck
- Takumi is a real piece of shit at the beginning
- Fuck Hoshidan onee-san she looks like a boy and she's incredibly annoying
- Waifu selection is lacking in comparison to Conquest desu (Hana is a qt though)
- Hinata's son, Hisame, was turned into a meme character (I actually like him a lot like this but whatever)
- Subaki's daughter, not-Cordelia, is fucking annoying (WORSE than the original Cordelia)
Subaki is a character who works incredibly hard to appear perfect. For the most part, he succeeds. However, if something even slightly goes wrong (like when Corrin hears his stomach growl), he gets incredibly embarrassed and attempts to make sure it never happens again. As you get deeper into his supports, he seems more human, and more likable as a result.
Caeldori and her predecessor, Cordelia (from Awakening), are perfect. Every single thing they do, they're amazing at. They're beautiful, humble, and great at fucking everything. The original Cordelia's only flaw was that she couldn't get senpai to notice her. Caeldori, however, is straight-up annoyingly perfect. She doesn't have any flaw to laugh at to make her less annoying. The fact that she insists she isn't perfect is the worst part of all. Like, she even thinks people are mocking her for "not living up to her father".
- LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO RESCUE RYOMA'S SON BECAUSE THE RETARD SUICIDES HIMSELF ON THE FIRST ENEMY HE SEES (unless you use flying units sorry)
- "Falcon Knights" ride pegasuses (pegasii?)
- If Corrin doesn't get an A-rank support with Kaze before the end of chapter 15, he dies a plot death without warning
- Despite Kaze being available in all three campaigns, this is the only one where he can suffer a plot death

Basically, it's Fire Emblem Awakening again, with better gameplay, and a worse cast of characters. Not to say the cast is bad (aside from Hinoka), but Awakening's was incredible (aside from like three characters). The story itself is about even on both sides. It's nothing amazing, but it gets the job done.

9/10

Conquest
The idea behind this one is that you were raised in Nohr and shouldn't give a shit about a place you've barely even ever been in. Nohr is based on Europe.
The maps are more complex in this one and have more varied objectives.
I played as a man in this one and married my maid, Felicia. This locks me out of one child unit, and I have elected Niles to make the sacrifice of being forever alone and waifuless.

+ Variety is the spice of life as they say, and this one isn't lacking in mission variety
+ Arthur is the fucking best character ever (voiced by LIQUID FUCKING SNAKE no less)
+ "TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE NOHRIAN WAY"
+ Even though I complained about bringing back Awakening characters earlier, I really like Owain, Inigo, and Severa still
+ Owain is the only person able to see that Charlotte is a harlot from the get-go
+ Xander is a much better onii-chan than Ryouma and obviously cares for you more if you compare how long they let the other one wail on you before stepping in
+ Azura learned a second song! And it's much better than the first one!
+ The remix of Azura's song in the final mission is pretty great
+ Great waifu selection
+ Imouto-chan is much cuter than Hoshido's imouto-chan
+ Onee-chan has quite possibly the greatest rack in all of videogames
- Her English voice is absolute shit (her Japanese voice was 10/10 though)
- Effie was absolutely ruined by terrible voice direction and a complete personality change
- Belka renamed to Beruka for some reason
- Good luck getting the child units in this game (THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF CASTLE BATTLES TO GRIND SUPPORTS)
- Forrest is "le gay acceptance": the character (he is actually only able to marry female child characters but his entire character is "wants to be a pretty princess")
- Soleil has an annoying face/perpetual pose
- MAN WHO WAS THAT DANCER/SINGER WITH FLOOR-LENGTH BLUE HAIR I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE WE KNOW ANY DANCERS/SINGERS WITH FLOOR-LENGTH BLUE HAIR
- Chapter 15 has a unique gimmick, but the best thing to do on the map is to not take advantage of it and beeline for the escape point
- "You must never speak of this other world in our real world" then they leave the other world "THIS IS A CRYSTAL FROM THAT OTHER WORLD WE WERE JUST IN"
- Why in the fuck didn't Azura wait for all the royal siblings to be present before showing Corrin the crystal that broke instantly
- King Garon is the most obviously evil fucker ever and hey look he's actually a giant slime monster
- Moral ambiguity?! What's that?!
- Chapter 27 gives everyone counter and magic counter so have fun with that one on classic

The story for this one is wack. Straight wack. Like, all the way wack. However, the cast of characters is better than Birthright's, and the mission objectives are varied and mostly good. The inability to grind on maps means you need to do a shitload of castle battles to get all the children, which gets boring a lot faster than grinding the Cheve map over and over.
That all said, though, I appreciate the variety of mission objectives and the great cast of characters. I don't think one of Birthright and Conquest is better or worse than the other. They're different takes on the same game, meant to appeal to two different groups of people.

9/10

Here's the breakdown of how each game compares to the other on each category:
Story: Birthright > Conquest
Birthright isn't Shakespearre, but it's definitely better than Conquest in this area. The main problem is that Corrin's personality makes the Conquest story not make much sense at all.

Cast (personality): Conquest > Birthright
Here is a list of all the bad characters exclusive to each route:
Birthright: Hinoka, Oboro (design only), Reina, Caeldori
Conquest: Niles, Effie (English only), Nina, Foleo, Soleil
4 vs 5, right? Well, here is a list of all the 10/10 characters exclusive to each route:
Birthright: Azama, Setsuna, Mitama
Conquest: Belka, Benny, Charlotte, Elise, Arthur, Xander, Percy, Ophelia, Ignatius, Owain, Severa, Inigo
don't even need to count

Cast (usefulness of units): Birthright > Conquest
Hear me out for a minute.
By the end of the game in Birthright, I had five God-tier units: Corrin, Ryoma, Takumi, Setsuna, and Hana.
By the end of the game in Conquest, I had five God-tier units: Corrin, Owain, Benny, Elise, and Charlotte (and maybe Camilla).
Ryoma and Takumi break the game. There is no challenge in using them. Ryoma got more critical hits than regular hits for fuck's sake.
But everyone else is completely up to the whims of the RNG. Owain may have been a rape machine for me, but he's always used as an example of a "bad" unit. Hell, my Conquest Corrin was struggling for a long time before he got his shit together at the end.

Ease of access: Birthright >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Conquest
I don't recommend this as your first FE game either way, but there you go.

Difficulty: Conquest >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Birthright
jesus christ

Missions and maps: Conquest > Birthright
Despite some frustrating maps, Conquest still won me over with some pretty creative ones.


When you actually play the two games, it becomes clear that the situation isn't just "Hoshido are the good guys / Nohr are the bad guys". The story is written terribly, but there are glimpses of actually interesting writing there.
Hoshidans hate Nohrians (most of them for reasons that are never explained) and refuse to share their bountiful resources with the nation that has absolutely nothing. A major character trait of half the cast is "NOHRMIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". When you have to go through the kitsune village in Conquest, Kaden decides to kill you all right away because he doesn't trust you not to be poachers, despite being the nicest guy ever in Birthright.
Nohrians (apart from the king and his buddies) only invade Hoshido because they have to to get the resources necessary to survive. Most of the cast are genuinely good people, with a few exceptions like Charlotte. When you have to go through the wolfskin village in Birthright, Keaton decides to allow you to pass through until Hans or whoever comes in and slaughters some wolves, then he gets defensive. In Conquest, Keaton isn't really a bad guy, but he's a bit abrasive at times.

Basically, the plot paints Hoshido as the good guys and Nohr as the bad guys, while the actual dialogue paints Hoshido as fucking assholes and Nohr as mostly good people.

I feel like this entire thing was a missed opportunity. It might have just been better to remove Corrin and make two completely separate games in the same world.
The Nohr game would have Xander as the protagonist. Start him off as "daddy can do no wrong/my duty is to follow our king" but have him slowly realise that "shit dog i guess he's really a bad guy after all". You can even shoehorn in Azura if you'd like to do the explanation, if we need our Mary Sue character.
Don't know how you'd do the Hoshido campaign, since you'd have to have Ryoma learn that Nohr is a shithole and only the king is really evil, but whatever.
get rid of the invisible kingdom that shit's stupid
just make king garon an evil person rather than an evil slime monster


Revelation
Here you learn of the real puppet master and make the two sides join as one and defeat the real evil guy.
Why couldn't Mary Sue-chan tell you of this beforehand? Because the first rule of the Invisible Kingdom is don't talk about the Invisible Kingdom
I played as a man again in this one and married Felicia again. I really like her voice and she's cute so

+ Some of the cross-game support chains are pretty tight (though I do wish there were more of them)
+ The darkness cave map was pretty tight
+ They reuse the gimmick from Conquest 15 and actually let you utilise it (since you actually get a decent-sized force rather than three people)
+ The tile map was neat (blue tiles turn enemies into prepromotes; red tiles turn enemies into promoted units, and you can actually swap which tiles are which)
- The blue/red door map was stupid
- R.I.P. Izana
- You can actually sink time and experience into Scarlet before they kill her off for plot reasons (the absolute madmen)
- You get a few units at too low a level to do anything with without some serious grinding (Charlotte and over half the retainers come to mind)
- Belka and Saizou's C support was butchered in the "translation" (it went from an interesting/deep conversation to "..." "..." "..." "..." "..." "..." "...")
- And then the following supports act like the old C support happened anyway

Nothing really to say about this one that hasn't already been said. Retarded story, great gameplay, great characters.

9/10

>Shigure's paralogue
>Get all my units into position for great experience gains
>End first turn
>Boss runs straight up and suicides on Takumi
>STAGE COMPLETE!
FUCK

Super Smash Bros. Kerfuffle
As you may know, the hero(ine) of FE14, Corrin, is DLC for SUPER SMASH BROS. FOR WII U AND 3DS (as they call it)
I'd just like to note that his/her character is pretty fucking sweet. I love the Fire Emblem characters in this game (except for Lucina because she's just a worse Marth).
top ten smush characters:
01. Ike
02. Lucas
03. Marth
04. Cloud
05. Roy
06. Ness
07. Little Mac
08. Captain Falcon
09. Luigi
10. Corrin
sorry pit you're on the outside looking in



Miitomo
The premise of this game thing is simple:
You give stupid answers to stupid questions, then read other people's stupid answers and have a laugh. You can also edit photos and put Miis into them, if you're into that. I gave my guy a cool outfit with socks and sandals and everything and he took a picture of himself in a silly pose modelling my designs. It was neat.
But what they don't tell you is that this is a jumpscare game. I have never been more terrified in my life than I was when I played this game. You may think this is a shitty joke, but it's really not. I could not handle this game. I fear that if I had played it any longer, I would have had a heart attack.

0/10



LEGO Marvel's Avengers
You know the idea by now. Run around, smash everything to get money, get more characters, return to old levels and solve puzzles with the new characters.
This one is based on the newer movies in the MCU. Well, when it came out at the beginning of the year, at any rate. Since then, we've had Civil War and Dr. Strange, but whatever.
It's another LEGO game, basically.

+ Legitimately the best story levels of any LEGO game I've played
+ Marvel characters I didn't even know existed (the ORIGINAL Human Torch? [not the Fantastic Four one])
+ Character select menu is finally FINALLY fixed so that you can select which costume you want without having to wait for it to scroll through
+ Which is VERY important, since it puts plain clothes heroes sans powers/gadgets/shield and their heroic counterparts in the same slot
+ Running around the city as Quicksilver is fun as shit; he can run up walls and jump all over the place like a madman, and even run on water
- I went so crazy that the game crashed
- "Got all the money" status was renamed "True Avenger", rather than "True Believer"
- Really quiet dialogue at times
- The train level is incredibly annoying because the shoot button is the same as the "roll off the edge of the train" button
- No full map in the city hub (Superheroes had it, which makes it even worse that this one doesn't)
- Still can't freely choose your character in hubs until you finish the game (NO FUN ALLOWED)
- What's worse is that they let you start side missions that require you to be a different character when you can't change
- Captain America and Bucky Barnes do not have a unique team-up attack
- Iron Man and War Machine/Iron Patriot don't either
- NEITHER DO FUCKING THOR AND LOKI

Game crashes:
1. Running around as Quicksilver trying to turn in a city mission (11 hours in)

still the best lego game i've ever played
review may be updated after i get the 100% completion

9/10

UPDATE AFTER 100% COMPLETION:
8/10
terrible puzzle design that leaves a 23-year-old man not knowing what the fuck he has to do, to say nothing of a child
whoever designed the end of that last level for free play should be SHOT



Batman: The Telltale Series
My history with Telltale Games is a bit, uh, spotty.
They started out doing 90s-style adventure games, using classic licenses (Sam and Max, Monkey Island), as well as newer ones (Homestar Runner), and the adventures were fun and light-hearted.
Starting with The Walking Dead, they've decided to become SERIOUS and make games where "your choices matter" (your choices do not actually matter).
The Wolf Among Us did a much better job at the whole "your choices don't matter" thing, because, since it's a murder case, you don't affect the plot as much. I'm hoping Batman will go the same way.

Note that no matter how I feel about this game, I will not learn anything from the experience, and will, with 99% certainty, end up playing Telltale's Guardians of the Galaxy game next year.

The game is split between Batman sections and Bruce Wayne sections, and is divided into five episodes, as usual. At points, you'll get to decide whether to handle a situation as either Batman or Bruce Wayne, which is a really nice touch.

+ Great concept, exploring the Batman/Bruce Wayne dynamic
+ Great artstyle that captures the comic book feeling (same artstyle as TWD and TWAU, but it's still nice)
+ You get to choose the colour of your Bat-Computer/gadgets (even if there are only four options); I chose yellow since you asked
+ Great choice of voice actors (Baker and Bailey may be overused, but they work well)
+ Has its own interpretation of the characters without going full retard (New 52)
+ Batman can get some nice pussy (GET IT BECAUSE SHE'S CATWOMAN; CAT, PUSSY?! GET IT GET IT GET IT)
- Batman sections are Quicktime Events: The Game
- Age-old problem of misinterpreting dialogue options (I was trying to be non-commital, not gung-ho)
- Walking up/down stairs is always a cutscene (probably so they didn't have to actually try to create proper stairs animations like GTA IV had)
- No, Alfred, I did not beat that man half to death, unless barrels are considered men these days
- Bruce's head keeps snapping to weird angles during some scenes
- That guy just POPPED into existence
- The age-old problem of knowing that Harvey Dent will eventually become Two-Face (just like when I watched The Dark Knight)
- They tried a bit too hard with episode 3's twist ending
- You can't just casually have a black kid be the son of two white parents (was it an adoption, or is the "father" a cuck?! INQUIRING MINDS)

Game crashes:
1. Episode 4 - After properly connecting all the clues at the first crime scene

Episode 1: 9/10
Episode 2: 8/10
Episode 3: 7/10
Episode 4: 7.5/10
Episode 5: 9/10
Overall: 8.5/10
The most important part of a story-driven game/film/book/whatever is the ending. They say it's the journey, not the destination, but fuck that.
Batman: The Telltale Series did what it needed to do, and wrapped up almost everything in a non-insulting fashion.  I felt that the big twist was a bit too "TRY AND MAKE SURE THEY WON'T EXPECT IT" without going FULL retard by making the villain Alfred or some shit. The way they handled it was decent enough, though.
There is one dangling plot thread left, but it's clearly the sequel hook, so I don't really mind.

I actually might replay this one at some point.

RANKING ALL THE TELLTALE GAMES I'VE PLAYED:
GREAT GAMES:
1. Sam & Max Save the World
2. Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People
3. Back to the Future
4. Sam & Max: Beyond Time and Space
VERY GOOD GAMES:
5. Batman: The Telltale Series
6. Tales of Monkey Island
7. The Wolf Among Us
BAD GAMES:
8. The Walking Dead
GAMES I HAVEN'T FINISHED:
Sam & Max: The Devil's Playhouse
(only played one episode and honestly if the rest of the game is like this, it's 8th and in a new category called "OKAY GAMES")



Ratchet and Clank: The Movie: The Game
A game version of the film retelling of the first game. Yes.
Longer than the movie (obviously) with more fan favourites, but there are less worlds here than the original by a few. Some worlds got fused together, as well. For example, the Blargian Snagglebeast fight that originally took place after Qwark's "hero gauntlet" is now at the end of the space station, since Qwark isn't  revealed to be a villain until the very end in this one. YES I REMEMBER ALL OF THIS (i don't remember the name of the gauntlet planet though)
Qwark is exactly the same as in the PS3 games, for better or worse.

+ It's so beautiful
+ Novalis is a near-perfect reproduction and brought a single tear of impassioned nostalgia to my eye
+ The Plumber's back
+ Hoverboard races are better than before
+ Aside from the "run away" ones, the Clank segments are better than before (only A Crack in Time and Into the Nexus are about this decent)
+ They changed the RYNO scene with the guy in challenge mode if you already have the RYNO
+ Selection of weapons is classic mixed with new mixed with PS3-era shit
- I wish they'd brought back the standard Bomb Glove, though (and used the PS2 Pyrociter design)
- They brought back the shitty-ass Combuster
- I don't think I could possibly be more sick of the Buzz Blades
- Ship combat feels kind of sluggish
- Who the fuck is voicing Drek here (and why are his eyes, well, eyes)
- Who the fuck is voicing Skidd McMarx
- First Clank segment isn't very good (the chase parts anyway)
- They never straight up tell you the bridgebot mechanics (I had to look up a solution to a puzzle I could have figured out myself if I knew the mechanic better)
- Since there's no HelpDesk, there's no HelpDesk Girl, so getting the Map-O-Matic is a bit anticlimactic
- Final boss is trivially easy with RYNO (suppose it's better than Tools of Destruction though)
- ONLY ONE SAVE SLOT
? Dr. Nefarious's addition is sure to be controvercial; I didn't mind it, because I'm treating this game as its own thing

Yes, there were some changes I didn't particularly care for, mostly in the voice acting department. Sure, they mostly just ported over PS3 weapons rather than remaking the originals. Sure, the game is short. Whatever.
I had a great time. I love this series, and this was an amazing nostalgia trip, combined with some great new parts. I honestly would 100% welcome a remake of Going Commando, then Up Your Arsenal like this. I'm definitely going to add this to the replay pile when I play through the series every year or so.
the pile:
1. Going Commando
2. Up Your Arsenal
3. Deadlocked
4. Tools of Destruction
5. A Crack in Time
6. Into the Nexus
7. Ratchet and Clank PS4

skip:
1. Ratchet and Clank PS2
2. Size Matters
3. Secret Agent Clank (which I've never even played)
4. Quest for Booty
5. All 4 One
6. Full Frontal Assault

9.5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2016   Thu Jan 26, 2017 12:43 am

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
The fourth game in the Deus Ex series, which takes place two years after 2011's Human Revolution.
I usually keep track of when and where and sometimes why the Xbone games I play crash, but I didn't think to do that until way too late in this one.
The game isn't the most stable, and I've gotten more crashes than most other games I've played on Xbone. 100% of the crashes so far have been in Prague. One was for seemingly no reason while on the pause menu.

This is also the first time in any game that I did a successful pacifist run. (Human Revolution had a glitch where if you used the tranquiliser rifle, sometimes enemies would just randomly die for no reason)

+ The HUD is a lot cleaner than before (and the augmentations you use manually don't have their d-pad inputs on the screen 24/7 if you don't want)
+ I never used smart vision or invisibility in Human Revolution because I didn't want that damn d-pad on the screen all the time (now I use them constantly)
+ A lot more side quests than in Human Revolution
+ The Neon Nights side quest has a clever way to get the keycard for the rave (went over my head at first)
+ The Richard side quest is really neat, especially if you decide to do it properly instead of just saying "fuck it" and heading upstairs right away
+ TWO-PART MURDER MYSTERY (shame about the second part)
+ An actual MEANINGFUL choice that only feels slightly arbitrary (two unrelated things are happening at the same time and you can only do one)
+ Basketballing is back and just as impossible as ever
+ New augmentations are neat (especially the Tesla system)
+ Lots of cool shit to find everywhere (more than in Human Revolution even)
+ New Game+ was a good idea, honestly
+ Prague is a huge hub level
- It's the only hub level
- Too much of it is accessible from the start, leaving little excitement to explore on return trips
- They're too vague about what remote hacking actually does (it's useful, but not as useful as you'd assume)
- Adam's new trenchcoat sucks (luckily you can switch to the original)
- Way too heavy-handed with the political shit (see racism is bad!!! or IT'S MY BODY I CAN DESTROY IT AND ANY OCCUPANTS IF I WANT TO)
- Dumb fucking "slowly walk and talk" segment right after the first mission
- When you first see a friend of the protagonist and think "Jesus fuck go away I don't want to talk to you" there is something wrong with the character design team
- I can't fathom how they created Alex and thought "this is a character players will look at and think 'this is a person i want to talk to'"
- That may just be the worst hairstyle I have ever seen, short of the ever-popular tumblrdyke look
- ONE SIDE IS CORNROWS AND THE REST IS BROWN AND BLONDE STRIPES WHO THE FUCK APPROVED THAT EYESORE
- Also she has eyes like a fish
- You can talk to a guy who will explain the key players of the game to you, but THIS CUNT will talk over him on the radio ("HAVE YOU BUGGED INTERPOL YET ADAM :^)")
- You have to ally yourself with a hacker organisation that you (the player) know next to nothing about because Adam is friends with this cunt
- Meaning that you have to plant a bug on Interpol so these people you know nothing about can gain information on your boss (who isn't unlikable like fishface)
- Wow Janus is so mysterious cool hacker guy he goes above and beyond 1337 he is 1338
- The mirror in Adam's room appears to be a portal to another room entirely
- The document forger is a fucking tumblrdyke
- Allison would be a total qt if not for her augmentations
- "The Mystery Augs" side quest doesn't have an ending
- We don't even find out who Madame Photographe is at the end
- If you go after Marchenko before stopping the poisoning, the game just ENDS after you stop the poisoning
- Last cutscene is jus a series of news reports on the shit you did and it's just boring
- UNSKIPPABLE CREDITS (I mistook this for a Ubisoft game for a minute)

7.5/10
Human Revolution's ending may have been bad (press switch to receive ending), but I honestly prefer it to the game just ENDING. It felt like they left too many sequel hooks dangling.
Despite this, I enjoyed exploring the city, doing the side missions, and when I successfully snuck through a place. I had a good time with the game, if nothing else.

So, here's where I stand on recommend/do not recommend:
First, play Human Revolution. On the whole, it's the better game. Mankind Divided doesn't do a whole lot to improve the gameplay, but that's probably because Human Revolution pretty much nailed it. HR should be very cheap now, since it's over five years old and on a previous generation system. Get the definitive edition or whatever they call it if you can, since it apparently fixes the game's biggest flaw, the boss fights.
So, now that you've played Human Revolution, answer this question:
What was the best part of the game?
If you said the main missions where you're shipped off to a complex where you have to stealth your way through using one of many different paths, you'll be disappointed with this game. There are only four of these; the tutorial area, Golem City (HALFWAY THROUGH THE GAME), the GARM facility (which is more like the Ice Cavern in Ocarina of Time, if you're counting the others as 'temples'), and the final area.
If you said the side quests and/or exploring the cities, you'll like this game. There's a lot to explore and play around with in Prague, and a lot more side quests than in Human Revolution. It's also where the vast majority of the game takes place.

This is a really short game if you just barrel your way through it without doing side quests. Of course, side quests and exploration are how you get most of your experience, so you'll find the game harder than if you did everything.
If you do all the side quests, this game is way easier than Human Revolution.




EDIT:
I just tried to play the free extra mission I got from the "Day One Edition" (which I bought three months after the game came out). It won't let me even start the DLC until I delete FOUR saves.
This wouldn't be a problem if they HADN'T LIMITED ME TO JUST ELEVEN
Only having fucking ELEVEN save files in a WRPG is a fucking joke. I hated it when Human Revolution did it, I hated it when The Witcher III did it, and I hate it now.
It's a sad day when Bethesda and fucking BIOWARE understand an essential component of WRPGs but you fucking don't.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2016   Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:11 am

Uncharted 4: A Thief's End
The fourth and final Uncharted game, sort of. I mean, Golden Abyss existed but no one has ever owned a Vita so
Naughty Dog has said this is the last Nathan Drake game, so they'll probably make the next game star a sassy gay black muslim woman (despite the inherent hypocracy in "gay muslim"), since Neil Druckmann has stated that "diversity is more important than gameplay". Basically, fuck that guy. He will be the first to fall in the brave new era President Trump is ushering in.
Also, fuck Naughty Dog for what they did to Amy Hennig. She was great at what she did (for this series AND Jak and Daxter), and they kicked her out of the company for not bending the knee to social justice. ANYWAY:

Uncharted 1 was a decent game with a lot of problems. I would honestly recommend skipping it if you find yourself in posession of a PS3.
Uncharted 2 is GREAT. It fixes nearly all of the first game's problems and has probably the best setpieces of its console generation. The train, mostly. That shit is tight as fuck and shouldn't be missed by anyone with the means to play it. (PS3s are pretty cheap nowadays yo)
Uncharted 3 was very good, even if it seemed like "let's throw in all of the ideas that didn't fit into Uncharted 2". It's a bit disconnected at times, but if you can get past that, it's got a lot of cool shit. Recommended to those who enjoyed Uncharted 2.
And here we are on the PS4 with the fourth game in the series.

And, as a note, a final word on the PS3 vs 360 debate:
Spoiler:
 

ANYWAY BACK TO UNCHARTED 4:

The very beginning of the game is a scene from the middle-end of the game, then they flash backward, like Uncharted 2 did.
This game also tacks another backstory onto Nate. Uncharted 3 showed us how he met Sully, and this game shows us some more shit. I'm not sure how the two fit together, to be honest.
Spoiler:
 

Uncharted 2's most famous/best moment is the train, and rightfully so. It was so beloved that 50% of Uncharted 3 was trying to do it again. Uncharted 4 doesn't try so hard and lets things come together as they will, which is better in the long run. That's not to say there are no "WOW" setpieces, but the game isn't completely built around them.

+ It looks beautiful
+ Characters will turn away from your flashlight if you shine it in their eyes
+ Going through Nate's attic and seeing shit you picked up in past games was a nice touch
+ You get to play Crash Bandicoot
+ The way they explain Nate suddenly having a brother was decent enough to work
+ Everything from Scotland onward, from a gameplay perspective, is the best the series has ever been (overall)
+ The pseudo-open world when you first get to Madagascar is just 10/10 (I wouldn't mind an entire game where Nate's just on a big island with a bunch of small ruins)
+ If you discover a side area there while in a conversation, they'll wait for you to finish it before continuing their discussion where you left off
+ The best final boss in the series (even if that's not a hard thing to be)
+ All kinds of filters you can use for the graphics (cel-shaded, low-res, rainbow)
+ You can even have the sound get bitcrushed like an old 8-bit game
- The start of the game is SO SLOW (maybe not as bad as like Kingdom Hearts II but still)
- The timeline of events is very confusing at first; I wasn't sure if this that or the other thing came before or after the original games
- "Press Triangle next to a guy to continue this conversation while you're off searching for treasure on the other side of the map"
- Setting up a villain without even hinting at why they're there in the first place is just bad writing
- Not even getting into "generically strong black woman for the sake of having one"
- If Nadine was not in the game, the plot would not be affected; she is a pointless character and the worst one in the series to boot
- She's returning in the next game as a main fucking character
- Seriously, why would they use her instead of Cutter, a character people actually like, and one that's paired with Chloe all the time anyway

Basically, if I were going to rate the locations in the game, one by one:
01. Tutorial boat section: B-
02. Little Drakes at the orphanage: B-
03. Malaysia prison/tower: C+
04. Nate's new job: D
05. Playing as Sam in Malaysia: B-
06. The auction: D+
07. Scotland: A-
08. Madagascar driving/exploration: A++
09. Madagascar clock tower: A
10. Car chase: A+
11. Exploring the islands: A-
12. The main island: B
13. Pirate City: A
14. Little Drakes robbing a damn mansion: B
15. ELEVATORS: B+
16. Rich Pirate City: A-
17. EXPLODING MUMMIES: B
18. Saving Sam from the bad guys: B+
19. Saving Sam from his own damn self: A-
20. FINAL BOSS: B+
21. Let's talk about this one for a bit

Okay, so, I left this out of the minus section because it's something I need to talk about a bit more in-depth.
The game should have ended after Nate and Elena buy the salvage company and say they're heading to Malaysia. Ending here leaves the future of the two (four) characters open to interpretation in a hopeful sort of way. It's a happy ending; Nate and Elena continue to do what they love, and presumably won't get attacked by mercenaries or pirates again.
Instead, they flash forward a decade or two, and you play a short segment as their daughter. (some people were mad they had a daughter instead of a son but I wasn't too put out by it until I learned the dog was also a girl ANYWAY) From here, you get to see vague allusions to what everyone's been doing for years and years. It's unnecessary and doesn't add anything at all.


Uncharted 2 > 4 > 3 >>>>>> 1
I haven't played Golden Abyss, but, you know.

As far as the spin-off title with Chloe and Nadine, I'm not sure. I'll have to watch some scenes on YouTube after it comes out to see how insufferable Nadine is in it.

8.5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2016   Fri Feb 24, 2017 2:16 am

LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens
"LEGO" does not look right when you type it as "Lego"
All right, here we are. The second LEGO game of 2016. I should probably talk about this while I still can: The reason why LEGO Marvel's Avengers and this game exist are because of Disney Infinity. Let me explain.
In 2015, Traveller's Tales and WBIE (Warner Brothers Interactive Entertainment) released LEGO Dimensions, which is their version of the toys-to-life style of game. This is a crossover of many classic franchises, from Batman to The Lord of the Rings to Back to the Future to Ghostbusters to Harry Potter to Mission: Impossible and so on. However, since Disney has their own toys-to-life game, they don't want to step on their own toes. So Star Wars and Marvel will not be in LEGO Dimensions until Disney Infinity stops making money.
However, WBIE still wanted those sweet MCU/The Force Awakens bucks, so they gave both their own game. Avengers was based on two movies (plus four bonus levels each based on their own movie), but this game is based on just one movie. We'll see how it goes.

Since I'm on the subject, I'd just like to say that LEGO Dimensions was a good idea, not only because of the dollar signs, but because the "level pack" idea lets them make single levels for movies/movie series that could not support an entire game. Back to the Future being a prime example of this.
One misstep on that part: I believe Mission: Impossible could very well have been made into a full game. From what I've read, the M:I level is the longest in the game already by A LOT, since there's a lot to cover there. They could easily have made all five movies into one game, but I digress.

ANYWAY:
You may remember my "review" of TFA. I didn't really like the movie.
This game's selling point for me, I guess, is the new original story missions starring familiar characters, since I'm curious. I want to see what they did, honestly.

LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga (the game that's LSW1 and 2 in the same package) might just be the best TT LEGO game, with only Marvel Super Heroes and LEGO City Undercover really competing. Dimensions doesn't really count because it attacks the nostalgia membrane from too many angles at once.
GRANTED, I haven't played all of the LEGO games.

TT LEGO GAMES I HAVE PLAYED:
LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga (individually, I've only played the second)
LEGO Indiana Jones
LEGO Batman
LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes
LEGO Marvel Super Heroes
LEGO City Undercover
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
LEGO Jurassic World (which also has all three Jurassic Park movies)
LEGO Dimensions
LEGO Marvel's Avengers
LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens

TT LEGO GAMES I HAVE NOT PLAYED:
(games in bold are the ones I REALLY should get around to)
LEGO Indiana Jones 2 (a rehash of LIJ1 + levels from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)
LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4
LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars (never watched the series)
LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean (the achievement list gave me AIDS; also I never saw At World's End or anything after it)
LEGO Harry Potter: Years 5-7 (I never saw the 7th/8th movies, since I didn't like 5 and 6)
LEGO The Lord of the Rings (I was turned off by "real voices from the films!" over pantomime, but I'm over it)
The LEGO Movie Videogame
LEGO The Hobbit (since they released it too soon so it's only the first two movies)


ONTO THE ACTUAL GAME:

They're padding out the levels by adding new scenes to them. For example, in the second level, Poe has to help the village find its guns before the stormtroopers show up. These sections of the levels aren't bad, really, but it's worth noting that they had to do a lot of this. Like, the entire chapter seven is made up.

I originally had a minus point about the flight controls needing to be re-inverted every time you boot up the game, but there's a bigger problem here.
There are both free-flight segments and rail-shooting segments. The problem is that the flight controls stay inverted during the rail shooting segments, which is just weird. I have to pause the re-invert the flight controls every time it changes over from free-flight to rail-shooting or vice-versa.
LUCKILY, the invert flight controls option is on the main pause screen, and I don't have to go digging around in the menus for it.

+ The new multi-build system is neat
+ The first level is set during ROTJ so at least one level has good source material
+ And they let you play as The Giga Nigga himself (Darth Vader)
+ Draining threes in level 2 with little roundy (you know that robot that's like round and shit)
+ The pre-level loading screens are, of course, Star Wars opening text crawls
+ They actually managed to make a good "Han Solo shot first" joke
+ The blaster battle segments are made trivially easy in free play by having a Jedi (blowing through free play easily is one of the best parts of these games)
- The game crashed three times for me early on (nothing after that though for whatever reason)
- The Kylo Ren fight is glitched to shit (unwinnable until you get lucky; shutting down the game and restarting)
- Microfighter battles are kind of shit (but not like "WHY AM I DOING THIS" shit; more like "fucking whatever" kind of shit)
- 2D sidescrolling minigames are annoying and frustrating because I'm shit at 2D games (LUCKILY there aren't many at all)
- You can play as J.J. Abrams but not George Lucas

GAME CRASHES:
1. At the start of the intro cutscene to level 3 (just under 2 hours in); didn't lose any progress
2. During level 3's Rey section (2.5 hours in); lost just a couple of minutes of progress thanks to a checkpoint (if I'd had to restart the level I'd have been pissed)
3. Free roaming, for no reason (just under 4 hours in); didn't lose any progress

WEIRD-ASS GLITCH:
I completed chapter 8, of 10 main missions, plus the epilogue. I'd also completed every side mission up to this point, and had just unlocked a new one. Naturally, I did the new one right off.
Normally, when you complete a side mission mid-main story, you're put right back on the path to the next mission.
My game decided that I'd not only completed the 8th mission, but the 9th and 10th missions, as well, and put me back in the Resistance base as Chewbacca and Jedi Rey. I assume this is the part where those two go to find Luke and stare at him for a few minutes, but that's not where I'm supposed to be.
Like, Rey is supposed to still be tied to a table. Everyone's celebrating like I've destroyed the Not-Death Star, but I haven't.
If I select the mission I'm supposed to be on, it gives me the replay story/free play options like I'd beaten the levels.

I can't really complain about not only being able to skip missions, but also being able to play them "again", but it's weird as shit. Better than if it had set me back, for sure.

Normally, when I write about a LEGO game like this, I post the review after I've beaten the main story, but I waited until I got 100% on this one. I didn't want to say "9/10 really good despite some issues" and have even worse problems down the line.

FINAL SCORE:
9/10 really good despite some issues
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2016   Sat Apr 22, 2017 9:44 pm

Let's just post this one because God knows if I'm ever going to finish this game again:

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Special Edition
A remaster of a five-year-old game?!
Skyrim SE allows console players to finally download mods for their game. For Xbone, this works as you'd imagine. On PS4, Sony instated a "no fun allowed" policy, and will not allow mods to use outside assets, meaning there's almost nothing good.
Note that using mods will disable achievements. Whatever. The idea of going for 1000/1000 again makes me nauseous.

First, I'll go over things I've noticed about this edition that aren't affected by the mods I've installed, then I'll go over what I've done to the game.

First and foremost, Skyrim SE is deeply affected by the Xbone's single biggest problem, which still has not been fixed two years later. The Xbone does not allow you to adjust the size of the picture the screen displays, instead making you rely on your TV's settings. The problem here is that MY FUCKING TV DOESN'T HAVE THOSE SETTINGS
I love my TV to death, so I'm blaming Microsoft for being shit. I don't want to buy a new TV because they don't make them like mine any more. Mine is some first generation HDTV shit. It's a widescreen, flatscreen, HD CRT TV. A big, heavy tube television that can display picture in HD. I love the thing, and have had it for ten years now.

+ The game does look a lot better, and the grids in people's faces are gone
- Can't see half of the menus because HAHAHA XBONE

MY MOD SETUP:
Aesthetic shit that doesn't matter:
Black and gold ebony armour
Frost white glass
Unique uniques (makes all weapons with a backstory have a unique appearance)
Lore-based loading screens

Very minor:
Civil war equipment organised
Craftable Blades armour/weapons
Hold border banners
Nicer children (makes children stop being annoying as shit)
Dawnguard tweaks (messes with the properties of a few items)
Better Thieves Guild armour (messes with the buffs)
Better horses (FAST horses)

Gameplay:
Ordinator perks (and 50% more perk points, since this adds SO MANY NEW ONES)
Apocalypse magic
Follower overhaul
Vampires suck (removes random vampire attacks in towns so towns can't be wiped out before you even go there)

Quests:
Skyrim Fighters Guild
The Paarthurnax dilemma (makes Delphine and Esbern shut the fuck up about Paarthurnax)
Tamrielic lore: Chrysamere

ESSENTIALS:
Unofficial Skyrim patch
Alternate start - live another life

Live another life is the big one. With it, you can basically start wherever and however.
First, I started as a breton who owned the house in Markarth (fully-furnished) and went on to solve all the problems in The Reach. (in the forsworn conspiracy, i killed both modanach and silver-blood because they're both the bad guy)

Let's talk about ROLEPLAYING for a moment.
What a lot of game developers tend to forget is that the first two letters in 'RPG' stands for ROLEPLAYING. In a game like The Elder Scrolls, where you're given a large world with loads of named NPCs (most of whom can be murdered), half a dozen factions, and so on and so forth, the potential for roleplaying should, in theory, be huge. Skyrim says "nah fuck that, nigga".
Even with the mod that allows you to start from wherever as whomever you want, you're still ridiculously limited.
Say you decide to become a member of the Imperial Legion, keeping that absolute retard Ulfric Stormcloak from inadvertently allowing the Thalmor to crush the Empire under their boot. Well, fuck you, player. You need to deliver an urgent message to Whiterun, saying that Ulfric is about to take the city by force? NOT NOW CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BUSY TALKING ABOUT THE MAIN PLOT?!?! YOU'RE THE HERO YOU SHOULD BE HEROING!!! FIGHTING DRAGONS!!! That questline cannot be completed by a player who doesn't want to play as the chosen one. It's absolute bullshit.
The Thieves Guild's setup is retarded, since even if you're the super-famous HERO OF JUSTICE AND GOOD, Brynjolf assumes you're criminal scum like he is. There is no option for a good character to wipe them out, despite the fact that they accost you the moment you enter Riften.
The Dark Brotherhood's setup is arguably worse. Do a random quest to kill an old lady for the little boy, and the next time you sleep, you're kidnapped and locked in a cabin. There is no reason why ANY character would go along with Astrid rather than just kill her. Granted, you can actually kill her, but then what? You can't do the questline that fits your character, because the intro doesn't fit ANY character. What's more, white knight characters who would want to wipe out the Dark Brotherhood wouldn't kill the old lady, and so they'd never be able to wipe out the Dark Brotherhood. It's absolutely ridiculous how they set that one up. The Live Another Life mod fixes this, though, since they let you just start a new characters who has already been initiated.
The Companions are terrible, and there's no option to purge the world of werewolves. The Silver Hand are just bandits with a different nameplate and silver swords.
Don't even get me started on the "never need to cast a single spell to become arch-mage" College of Winterhold. "Oblivion was the same way", you say? It wasn't; there was a quest where you had to cast spells on a pillar to advance. ha HA

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim final rating:
3/5
it's
not very good
but it's
got kind of a strange charm to it
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