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 game of the year all years

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the people's champion

Number of posts : 8314
Age : 24
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: game of the year all years   Wed Apr 26, 2017 7:58 pm

From now on, I'm going to be posting game reviews as I play them, rather than in a clump at the end of the year. Like, my FE:Fates review last year sat on my harddrive for just under a year.
Also, I'll post reviews of any game from any time period, if it's interesting enough to review.

This is good, since I still haven't played AC:Syndicate.

New format:
game name (year) - system
other relevant information

summary of my thoughts going in

+ good things
- bad things

summary of my thoughts going out

numerical score out of ten that means next to nothing

I'd also like to point everyone to the recommended games thread, which shows good games I've played before 2017.
The previous threads are still open, so if you want to see me gush over The Witcher III or complain about Fallout 4, go right on back to GOTY 2015.

I'm also probably going to make posts about an entire series, if you're into that.
To start, here are a couple of things I've already gotten done. Not my best work, but whatever.

Fire Emblem Heroes (2017) - iPad
The third game in Nintendo's mobile app extravaganza, after Pokémon Go and Super Mario Run.

P2W Fire Emblem
Naturally, I got insanely lucky and got Tiki, one of the 5-star heroes, with the free orbs they gave me.

Essentially Fire Emblem-lite, since the battles can only ever be 4v4, and you can see the entire map at all times (because it's small).
The story is dumb, but not irritatingly so. It's mostly just there to justify the fact that every Fire Emblem character ever is there or will be there in later updates.

+ All your favourites will be here at some point, presumably
+ Eirika is a total qt
+ Nice artstyle for overworld sprites
- The gameplay is very shallow
- You never feel like your characters are getting stronger
- The characters are just "there"
- Character drawings range from "good" to "godawful"
- Why did they use little girl Tiki over MILF Tiki
- No Tellius characters day one (NOT EVEN IKE)
- The way Sharena says "my turn" is absolutely terrible


Notes about the DS Professor Layton games
After finishing The Last Spectre this year, I have now completed all four OG DS Layton games.
As a note, the series is split into two trilogies:
Original Trilogy: Curious Village (DS) / Diabolical Box (DS) / Unwound Future (DS)
Prequel Trilogy: Last Spectre (DS) / Miracle Mask (3DS) / Azran Legacy (3DS)
Plus a couple of spin-offs that aren't important right now, and what appears to be a "Sequel Trilogy" years into the future starring Layton's daughter. Star Wars format, basically.

The concept of the series is simple: You are there to solve puzzles, and are along for the ride as Professor Layton solves a mystery.
There are some really good/clever puzzles throughout the series, but there are also Layton-ass bullshit puzzles where the puzzle leads you to make an assumption and then tells you you're dumb for making that assumption. Like, they'll show you a 12-hour clock and give you a time puzzle where the answer is on a 24-hour clock. And don't even get me STARTED on sliding block puzzles. (more like suck my cock puzzles)

Each game gives you a new area in England to walk around and talk to kooky characters and receive puzzles. There's a fast travel system, but there may as well not be, since the game actively discourages you from using it. See, inhabitants of the town/city/what-have-you you're in regularly and seemingly randomly update with new and exciting puzzles, so every chapter, your natural urge is to make a round of the whole gameworld and talk to everyone. Granted, if you miss a puzzle, it appears at Granny Riddleton/bee man/cat guy's shack, so it's not a gigantic loss, but you do miss the context for the puzzle.

For the most part, I never disliked a companion character. I do have a problem with Last Spectre's Emmy, though. As a note, I believe Emmy is a major character in the entire prequel trilogy.
Emmy starts off fine. She rides a scooter, she can solve puzzles, whatever. Solving puzzles and being a detective is the game; I'd be worried if she couldn't. There is nothing wrong with her design or personality, and certainly nothing wrong with scooters. The problem is that in addition to being smart and pretty, she's also quick, agile, and able to beat up three grown-ass men surrounding her. It comes off as really forced, because it's not explained beyond "thanks I work out".
Here's a list of her physical feats:
1. Chases down the Black Raven more quickly than anyone else ever has, according to the Black Raven himself
2. Stone cold knocks out a buff-ass criminal who couldn't be contained by buff-ass policeman Grosky of the Yard
3. Knocks out three goons surrounding her, Layton, and Luke without a scratch
It's just weird to have a new character who does all this when across three games there was one fight scene.
Though, I suppose Layton did just pick up a sword at one point and fight off the bad guy flawlessly. And he made a machine gun out of a slot machine and mowed down some mobsters. I don't know, though. Those two scenes had much more build-up than just "hey look Emmy is super-cool and strong". Can you complain about a Mary Sue coming in when the protagonist was already a Mary Sue?

Each game also features a bunch of minigames that you unlock the pieces for as you play.
Curious Village had a jigsaw puzzle, a robo-dog you could build, and a decorating thing. It was kind of cool, but not extremely memorable.
Diabolical Box had a hamster you could make run courses, and the most infuriating minigame in the series. You'd get ingredients for tea throughout the game, and your job would be to mix new and exciting teas for everyone to try. People have different tastes, and tell you what the want. Except they're only thirsty randomly, so you could go through the entire gameworld multiple times looking for the last thirsty person only to have it be facecunt mcgee you pass five times every circuit. And if you fuck it up, you have to wait until they're randomly thirsty again. Fuck off.
Unwound Future had a "get to the goal without crashing and dying horribly" toy car minigame, a stickerbook where you placed the correct sticker to make the story make sense, and a "what the fuck how does this work what am i doing" minigame where you guide a parrot over to someone who needs a package by making him bounce on ropes.
Last Spectre has "guide fish to collect coins within an arbitrary time limit", "map out a train route while cars and other trains try their damnedest to crash straight into you", and a theatre minigame where you put in the correct words to have the story make sense. If you put in the wrong words, it could potentially be hilarious, so that's nice. Like, I sat there giggling like a retard for an hour. I would buy an entire game of this theatre minigame, but I'd probably suffocate because of the laughter. Like, Jesus, I haven't laughed this much in forever.

Here's the meat of it all; the mysteries. In spoilers are the, well, spoilers, and my thoughts on it all.
CV: Some guy died, and villagers are getting kidnapped.

DB: Some guy died because he opened Pandora's Box, and there's also a town that's not on any map ever.

UF: The prime minister went missing, and Professor Layton received a letter from Luke from the future, then he goes into the future himself.

LS: A town is being attacked by a gigantic shadow monster.

Best story: Unwound Future
Best climax: Unwound Future
Best mystery: Unwound Future
Best minigames: Lost Spectre
Best main theme:
Worst everything: Diabolical Box
Worst title drop: Unwound Future

UF >>> LS > CV >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> DB

Far Cry 3 (2012) vs. Far Cry 4 (2014) - Xbox 360
Also: Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon (2013) - Xbox 360

These two games are incredibly similar, and you really only need to play one.
As far as I'm concerned, FC4 is far and away the superior game, but here's an analysis:

Far Cry 4 wins this category by a mile. In FC3, I didn't like anyone except for the German guy. The goal of saving Jason's friends was completely "whatever". I didn't care about them at all. While FC4's characters aren't great, they're not all terrible, so that's nice. The villain is better, as well.
And not getting raped by a native savage is nice.

The exact same. FC4 has the optional Shangri-La missions, but those are shit so just ignore those.

Here's the interesting part. As far as I'm concerned, the decision on whether to play FC3 or FC4 rests solely on how you feel about the regions they're set in.
Far Cry 3 is set on a bunch of tropical islands. There are boats you can drive(?) between or around the islands, and it's always sunny and whatever. The game world itself is very flat compared to FC4.
Far Cry 4 is set in the mountains of India. There's snowy areas and grassy areas, and the world is based a lot more around verticality. Having been released in 2014, the game features a grappling hook.

Other than that, it's the same open world shit every game's doing these days. Run/drive around, clear out enemies from a place, hunt some game for upgrades, rinse, repeat. It's nothing special to be honest, but it's done pretty well.
If Ubisoft doesn't announce Far Cry 5 at E3, I might be tempted to buy the Xbone version of FC4 for cheap and give it another shot.

There's also Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, which is the best Ubisoft game of the 2010s. It's a standalone expansion, meaning you don't need regular Far Cry 3 to play it.
It's a neon-soaked futuristic cheesy '80s action movie, with everything that entails. The hero is as generic American action hero as it gets, in the best possible way. His name is fucking Rex Power Colt. He even tells you that winners don't do drugs.
Blood Dragon takes the Far Cry gameplay and wraps it in the best possible shell. I really, really want another one. I should replay it.
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the people's champion

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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sat May 13, 2017 12:53 am

Assassin's Creed 2987493: Syndicate (2015) - Xbone
Like my copy of Unity, this one's also a limited edition somehow. I don't know.
There's a season pass, but fucking hell too much Assassin's Creed
It took me over a year after Unity to get around to this one, because JESUS CHRIST
I'm so glad they took a year off.
This one takes place in industrial revolution-era England.
jolly good pip pip cheerio eh wot
hairs on a bobbin m8
simply chuffing my boy
going for a stroll around the neighbouringhood looking to peep some gozknockers jolly good pip
having a pippingly good time verily i say
daft cunt with their hit musical 'gozzing jolly sod'
what rot back in my day the tippermost of the pippermost was seanington c. rottingwog with his hit musical 'frottinglily morkerton with pork scratchings'
going to the pub to get some gollywockers with me m8s
two litres of thickly white from the cow's tit my good pip


The main deal with this one is that you have two protagonists. Due to the mainstream outrage over Unity having a "fucking white male" as a protagonist*, one of these is a chick. Jacob's gameplay apparently centres around combat, while Evie's is mostly stealth. Makes sense, biologically.
*Okay, so, this is an oversimplification. Unity's big thing was the new co-op mode, where you use your single-player character. Your single-player character is always Arno, who is a man, so every assassin in the co-op trailer was Arno, who is a man. Uninformed/uncaring SJWs took it upon themselves to whine about it, and Ubisoft said the exact wrong thing in response. So, here we are, at the next game, with Jacob and Evie.

+ Best combat in the series
+ Prize fights are neato and take advantage of this
+ Movement ripped from Unity, which fixed all of bullshit the Americas games did
+ The new grappling hook is a great way to keep the climbing from getting monotonous
+ The dual protagonists thing is neat, but not game-changing
+ They removed the shitty lockpicking minigame
+ The Thames is a unique location within the series that presents its own unique challenges
+ The beer-tasting guide is funny enough to justify its existence (sensible chuckle-level)
+ Charles Darwin is a total bro
+ Best final boss in the series, even if that's not saying much
- The "this game was created by" screen gets more wordy every year as the mentally ill think of new things to call themselves
- And "Ned" is the byproduct of these mentally ill employees
- Present-day shit ceased to be even mildly interesting after Revelations
- "Okay, it's the climax of the game, let's go check on those chucklefucks from the present"
- Something about Evie's face only looks vaguely human
- The Indian ambassador's voice actor sucks
- The gang boss fight in Lambeth is awful
- One of the collectibles is taking the flowers from gravestones and that makes me feel bad
- The side mission to get Nigel off the murder charge is THE WORST
- The side mission to bring the hypnotist to justice is THE SECOND WORST
- I got him finally but do ho ho some FUCK was blocking the doorway and there was nothing i could do about it
- And if the hypnotist gets all the way upstairs, you need to use a glitch to finish the mission (warping him down to the courtyard again)
- There's a tail mission in sequence 5 that's just dumb
- Sequence 9 is meant to be the climax but it's the most boring fucking one (barring the final mission)
- Their portrayal of Karl Marx is blatantly incorrect
- I clipped out of the level to my death twice
- The World War I missions are dumb because they make you play as a character with far fewer possible upgrades so you're just shit and killing anything takes forever

Game crashes:
1. Exploring Westminster Abbey (17 hours in)
2. Trying to boot the game back up immediately after crash 1 (17 hours in)
3. Halfway through the final fucking mission [LUCKILY it restarted me just before the cutscene I was in] (31 hours in)

I didn't complete the WW1 simulation because I couldn't be bothered. If I get around to it, and I have anything notable to say about it, I'll make another post down the line.
The dual protagonists gimmick ends up being really fucking shitty when you realise all the good missions are Jacob's, and Evie's are just boring. Jacob gets shit done and tears down the bad guy's shit and kills his leiutenants, and Evie gets medicine for sick children and runs a fucking taxi service for parliament. The best missions are the assassinations of the templars, and all but one have you play as Jacob.

So here's the rundown on the quality of the Assassin's Creed series:
Assassin's Creed - 7/10
Assassin's Creed II - 8.5/10
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood - 6/10
Assassin's Creed: Revelations - 8/10
Assassin's Creed III - 1/10
Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag - 8/10
Assassin's Creed: Rogue - 8/10
Assassin's Creed: Unity - 7.5/10
Assassin's Creed: Syndicate - 7.5/10

Protagonist rankings:
1. Ezio
2. Haytham
3. Shay
4. Edward
5. Altair
6. Arno
7. Jacob
8. Evie
9. Connor

Next up is either AC3:Liberation, or I'll run through all the games' DLC. That should be neato.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Thu May 25, 2017 2:39 am

Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia (2017) - 3DS
A remake of the NES game Fire Emblem Gaiden; the black sheep of the franchise. Gaiden was the second game in the series; a side story set between FE1:Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light and FE3:Mystery of the Emblem (Marth's games). Gaiden and this game also feature a bunch of characters from those games, including best pegasus knight Palla and my boy Camus. (I've played the remake of FE3 so don't get on my case about this)
This game doesn't try to reinvent Gaiden's wheel, but it does bring in convenience features and turn the dungeon-crawling(!) into a 3D affair, rather than NES-ass 2D.
The main premise is that you play as both Alm and Celica, two childhood friends leading separate armies into a war. Alm wants to kill the bad guy and end the war, and Celica doesn't want to fight at all.

The gameplay is kind of out there; spells are tied to the character instead of being items, and they cost HP to use. Bows have a range of "holy shit", and archers can counter-attack melee units.
The game also has a total of four* villager units - units that start out as a generic class, allowing the player to decide what they become. I made Grey a mercenary, Kliff a cavalier, Tobin a mage, and Faye a pegasus knight.
*there's also Atlas but he might as well just start off as a mercenary because that's the only thing he's decent as

I will never get used to there not being a weapon triangle. Every time I see an axe, I'll immediately think "use guy with sword" and get worried for my lance guys.
"hey guys let's put teleporting enemy witches into the game where magic is OP"

As a final note: I also bought the Alm and Celica amiibo two-pack, and will play the bonus dungeon once I feel my guys are ready.
oops i waited too long and they were piss-easy

+ 10/10 artstyle
+ Battle animations look better than any other 3D FE
+ The Triangle Attack animation is very much appreciated
+ The third-tier classes do a good job of making it look like you're getting super-powerful (Gold Knight Kliff especially)
+ Aside from plot-critical characters, you can choose to leave behind any unit you don't want in your army
+ Base conversations return for the first time since FE10, allowing minor characters to comment on the plot
+ Every character has multiple quotes upon level up, corresponding with the stats they gain
+ The voice acting isn't bad at all
+ Berkut's voice actor is 10/10
+ Aside from mask man and Faye, the new characters add to the themes of the story (that isn't to say Faye is bad; she's just kind of there)
+ Even then, mask man adds a much-needed cavalier to Celica's route
+ The title screen changes after you beat the game
- Opening with a scene from the climax is bullshit
- Celica goes from "okay character" to "absolutely retarded" in one scene
+ Luckily, she gets her shit SLAPPED at the height of her retardation
- And she does the retarded thing anyway
- Clair's design is awful
- Alm and Celica's pre-promote designs are better than their promoted designs
- They somehow found a way to make desert maps even more tedious
- Enemies being able to attack you on the world map is kind of bullshit
- Mae keeps getting gangbanged by three fucking necrodragons while I'm trying to do something with Alm

As much as some maps gave me shit, I loved this game. I had a great time. I'm only halfway through the postgame dungeon, but it's hard as fuck so I'll have to grind forever and so I'll just leave this here

So here's how I'd rank every Fire Emblem game I've completed:
1. Path of Radiance (GameCube)
2. Awakening (3DS)
3. Echoes (3DS)
4. New Mystery of the Emblem (DS)
5. Sacred Stones (GBA)
6. Fates - Conquest (3DS)
7. Fates - Birthright (3DS)
8. Blazing Sword (GBA)
9. Fates - Revelation (3DS)

Echoes might get a bump above Awakening if it stands up to a replay.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Wed May 31, 2017 1:09 am

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Links (2017) - iOS
FRIEND CODE: 458-250-167
The card game is bloated. I'm cool with Synchros, Xyzs can get a bit sketchy, Pendulum is whatever, and I have no clue what the fuck the newest shit is.
This game goes back to basics, with the developers adding in cards that fit in with what we remember as the original game. Right now, the extra deck is used exclusively for fusion monsters. There are newer cards, but none that use mechanics introduced after GX.

The game itself is based around the original series anime. You choose at the outset whether you want to play as Dark Yugi or Kaiba, and then you're off. You unlock more characters as you go along, including the character you didn't choose at the beginning. This ranges from the obvious Joey, Téa, Marik, whatever, to cool guys like Bandit Keith and if you're still not sold after "Bandit Keith" I don't know what to tell you
There are a few characters missing that I'd thought would be in, such as Bonz and Espa Roba, and maybe some rare hunters or Panik or something. Espa Roba makes sense, though, since Jinzo isn't in the game yet. I can't say I'm upset that Tristan and Mokuba didn't make it, though.

The Ultimate Rising is the best pack, before you ask.

playable characters:

IMPORTANT NOTE: You NEED to link your game to a Konami ID so that if your phone/tablet dies, you don't lose all your shit.

+ Some characters' special abilities are sweet (Bandit Keith's allow you to cheat)
+ The mobile grind is mitigated a bit by the auto-duel feature where the AI takes over for you and speeds shit way up
+ They tell you which cards are in a pack, and you even get to see their effects and power
+ Every pack has a limited number of each card, meaning that if you empty the pack out, you WILL get the rare card you want
+ Kaiba's a fucking asshole and I love it
+ The characters have voice clips for most of their most memorable cards
+ The characters have voice clips to interact with the people you'd expect them to interact with
+ Most of the original English voice actors return
+ Including original Rex Raptor, who had been replaced in season 4
- Mai is voiced by her season 4+ actress (she sounds at least 30, probably closer to 40)
- Mako's voice actor was replaced, but the replacement sounds okay
- Who the fuck is voicing Weevil
- The way Bandit Keith pauses in the middle of "Stop Defense" is kind of weird
- The way Joey bites on the word "Chain" in "Kunai with Chain" is kind of weird
- They swapped Téa's and Pegasus's eye colours and it bothers me a lot
- Why is Rex's signature monster still Red-Eyes Black Dragon instead of Serpent Night Dragon or Tyrant Dragon (so they can reuse Joey's ace monster animation :^))
- Some of the random no-name opponents have annoying voices (pigtails girl especially)
- One of Bandit Keith's unlock missions is collecting two (2) machine monsters WHICH SHOULDN'T BE AS HARD AS IT IS
- A lot of the rank up objectives force you to turtle for a long-ass time
- You're stuck using a "4* monsters with the highest attack" deck for a long while
- You "can" get rare cards from dueling certain characters, but GOOD FUCKING LUCK
- If Black Lustre Soldier gets a special animation for Yami Yugi why doesn't Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon get one for Kaiba

it's pretty good/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sat Jun 17, 2017 1:20 am

Forza Horizon 2 (2014) - Xbone
Forza Motorsport is a series of realistic closed-circuit racing games, meant to be for the Xbox what Gran Turismo is for the PlayStation.
Forza Horizon is a series of open-world racing games with less strict physics. It sounded fun, and it wasn't super-expensive, so here I am (doing everything I can).

The are 168 championships in this game, which are each 4 races, barring the first one, which is 3. Between each championship, you need to go on a ROAD TRIP, which is basically just driving from city A to city B. Over and over and over and over and over
To complete the main objective of the game (winning the Horizon Finale), you only need to complete 15 championships. That makes things a lot easier.

This is a game that is clearly meant to be picked up and put down and played over the course of two years so you can buy the sequel while it's still $60 :^)

The game has three expansions, but I can really only see myself playing two of them. One is just "pay extra money so you can drive a Porsche!!!".
The first is called Storm Island, which takes place on uh Storm Island which is a uh stormy island; more races in extreme weather sounds like it could be neato
The second is based on the highest-grossing film series owned by Universal, The Fast and the Furious. That wasn't a joke. R.I.P. Paul Walker
Say what you will, but I find the movies enjoyable. They've gotten so dumb that it's just impossible to watch and not want to see what dumb shit happens next.

+ Can download other people's car customisations if you're shit at it
+ Seeing actual people's cars in races is pretty sweet honestly
+ SO MANY DIFFERENT CARS (maybe too many)
+ Lots of free cars
+ Special events where you race jets and trains are pretty sweet
+ I've grown to appreciate the style points system (it was a minus point before)
+ Once you get the handling down, road races feel really nice
- Off-road races can go fuck a goat though
- Pretentious intro
- Someone always has to stop me and explain EVERY MINUTE DETAIL (can't even skip it) [this ends eventually but it's really annoying at first]
- After you win your second championship series, you're treated to a trailer for the DLC and taken to a page where you can buy it for just $19.99!!!
- Road Trips make sense the first time you need to go to a location, but 168 of them is just ridiculous (THAT'S 224 ROAD TRIPS)
- More than that, because they make you return to the centre of the map after every three championships
- Some of the Bucket List items are too hard for no good reason (the "beat the sun in a Ferrari" challenge comes to mind)
- Someone already took "SHOE" as their clan tag
- The "better roulette spins" skill point is a RIP-OFF

Game crashes:
1. Accepting a car I got as a gift somehow (5 hours in)
2. On a road trip, taking the direct route rather than the scenic route (9 hours in)
3. Buying a new car to kick off a road trip (15 hours in)
Those last two crashes had something in common. I went straight from repainting a car to a road trip, and the paint didn't load in correctly when I drove that car on the road trip. A few minutes later, the game crashed. That's something that a lot of people are going to do, and I'm surprised it wasn't patched.

The best traditional racing game since Burnout Paradise. (I've also got a soft spot for Need for Speed: ProStreet)
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