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 game of the year all years

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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: game of the year all years   Wed Apr 26, 2017 7:58 pm

From now on, I'm going to be posting game reviews as I play them, rather than in a clump at the end of the year. Like, my FE:Fates review last year sat on my harddrive for just under a year.
Also, I'll post reviews of any game from any time period, if it's interesting enough to review.

This is good, since I still haven't played AC:Syndicate.

New format:
game name (year) - system
other relevant information

summary of my thoughts going in

+ good things
- bad things

summary of my thoughts going out

numerical score out of ten that means next to nothing

I'd also like to point everyone to the recommended games thread, which shows good games I've played before 2017.
The previous threads are still open, so if you want to see me gush over The Witcher III or complain about Fallout 4, go right on back to GOTY 2015.

I'm also probably going to make posts about an entire series, if you're into that.
To start, here are a couple of things I've already gotten done. Not my best work, but whatever.



Fire Emblem Heroes (2017) - iPad
The third game in Nintendo's mobile app extravaganza, after Pokémon Go and Super Mario Run.

P2W Fire Emblem
Naturally, I got insanely lucky and got Tiki, one of the 5-star heroes, with the free orbs they gave me.

Essentially Fire Emblem-lite, since the battles can only ever be 4v4, and you can see the entire map at all times (because it's small).
The story is dumb, but not irritatingly so. It's mostly just there to justify the fact that every Fire Emblem character ever is there or will be there in later updates.

+ All your favourites will be here at some point, presumably
+ Eirika is a total qt
+ Nice artstyle for overworld sprites
- The gameplay is very shallow
- You never feel like your characters are getting stronger
- The characters are just "there"
- Character drawings range from "good" to "godawful"
- ELIWOOD LOOKS TERRIFYING
- GOOD LUCK GETTING YOUR FAVOURITE FIRE EMBLEM CHARACTERS SINCE IT'S RANDOM :^)
- Why did they use little girl Tiki over MILF Tiki
- No Tellius characters day one (NOT EVEN IKE)
- The way Sharena says "my turn" is absolutely terrible

6/10



Notes about the DS Professor Layton games
After finishing The Last Spectre this year, I have now completed all four OG DS Layton games.
As a note, the series is split into two trilogies:
Original Trilogy: Curious Village (DS) / Diabolical Box (DS) / Unwound Future (DS)
Prequel Trilogy: Last Spectre (DS) / Miracle Mask (3DS) / Azran Legacy (3DS)
Plus a couple of spin-offs that aren't important right now, and what appears to be a "Sequel Trilogy" years into the future starring Layton's daughter. Star Wars format, basically.

The concept of the series is simple: You are there to solve puzzles, and are along for the ride as Professor Layton solves a mystery.
There are some really good/clever puzzles throughout the series, but there are also Layton-ass bullshit puzzles where the puzzle leads you to make an assumption and then tells you you're dumb for making that assumption. Like, they'll show you a 12-hour clock and give you a time puzzle where the answer is on a 24-hour clock. And don't even get me STARTED on sliding block puzzles. (more like suck my cock puzzles)

Each game gives you a new area in England to walk around and talk to kooky characters and receive puzzles. There's a fast travel system, but there may as well not be, since the game actively discourages you from using it. See, inhabitants of the town/city/what-have-you you're in regularly and seemingly randomly update with new and exciting puzzles, so every chapter, your natural urge is to make a round of the whole gameworld and talk to everyone. Granted, if you miss a puzzle, it appears at Granny Riddleton/bee man/cat guy's shack, so it's not a gigantic loss, but you do miss the context for the puzzle.

For the most part, I never disliked a companion character. I do have a problem with Last Spectre's Emmy, though. As a note, I believe Emmy is a major character in the entire prequel trilogy.
Emmy starts off fine. She rides a scooter, she can solve puzzles, whatever. Solving puzzles and being a detective is the game; I'd be worried if she couldn't. There is nothing wrong with her design or personality, and certainly nothing wrong with scooters. The problem is that in addition to being smart and pretty, she's also quick, agile, and able to beat up three grown-ass men surrounding her. It comes off as really forced, because it's not explained beyond "thanks I work out".
Here's a list of her physical feats:
1. Chases down the Black Raven more quickly than anyone else ever has, according to the Black Raven himself
2. Stone cold knocks out a buff-ass criminal who couldn't be contained by buff-ass policeman Grosky of the Yard
3. Knocks out three goons surrounding her, Layton, and Luke without a scratch
It's just weird to have a new character who does all this when across three games there was one fight scene.
Though, I suppose Layton did just pick up a sword at one point and fight off the bad guy flawlessly. And he made a machine gun out of a slot machine and mowed down some mobsters. I don't know, though. Those two scenes had much more build-up than just "hey look Emmy is super-cool and strong". Can you complain about a Mary Sue coming in when the protagonist was already a Mary Sue?

Each game also features a bunch of minigames that you unlock the pieces for as you play.
Curious Village had a jigsaw puzzle, a robo-dog you could build, and a decorating thing. It was kind of cool, but not extremely memorable.
Diabolical Box had a hamster you could make run courses, and the most infuriating minigame in the series. You'd get ingredients for tea throughout the game, and your job would be to mix new and exciting teas for everyone to try. People have different tastes, and tell you what the want. Except they're only thirsty randomly, so you could go through the entire gameworld multiple times looking for the last thirsty person only to have it be facecunt mcgee you pass five times every circuit. And if you fuck it up, you have to wait until they're randomly thirsty again. Fuck off.
Unwound Future had a "get to the goal without crashing and dying horribly" toy car minigame, a stickerbook where you placed the correct sticker to make the story make sense, and a "what the fuck how does this work what am i doing" minigame where you guide a parrot over to someone who needs a package by making him bounce on ropes.
Last Spectre has "guide fish to collect coins within an arbitrary time limit", "map out a train route while cars and other trains try their damnedest to crash straight into you", and a theatre minigame where you put in the correct words to have the story make sense. If you put in the wrong words, it could potentially be hilarious, so that's nice. Like, I sat there giggling like a retard for an hour. I would buy an entire game of this theatre minigame, but I'd probably suffocate because of the laughter. Like, Jesus, I haven't laughed this much in forever.


Here's the meat of it all; the mysteries. In spoilers are the, well, spoilers, and my thoughts on it all.
CV: Some guy died, and villagers are getting kidnapped.
Spoiler:
 

DB: Some guy died because he opened Pandora's Box, and there's also a town that's not on any map ever.
Spoiler:
 

UF: The prime minister went missing, and Professor Layton received a letter from Luke from the future, then he goes into the future himself.
Spoiler:
 

LS: A town is being attacked by a gigantic shadow monster.
Spoiler:
 

Best story: Unwound Future
Best climax: Unwound Future
Best mystery: Unwound Future
Best minigames: Lost Spectre
Best main theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqQ5YehH4MM
Worst everything: Diabolical Box
Worst title drop: Unwound Future

UF >>> LS > CV >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> DB



Far Cry 3 (2012) vs. Far Cry 4 (2014) - Xbox 360
Also: Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon (2013) - Xbox 360

These two games are incredibly similar, and you really only need to play one.
As far as I'm concerned, FC4 is far and away the superior game, but here's an analysis:

Plot/characters:
Far Cry 4 wins this category by a mile. In FC3, I didn't like anyone except for the German guy. The goal of saving Jason's friends was completely "whatever". I didn't care about them at all. While FC4's characters aren't great, they're not all terrible, so that's nice. The villain is better, as well.
And not getting raped by a native savage is nice.

Gameplay:
The exact same. FC4 has the optional Shangri-La missions, but those are shit so just ignore those.

Setting:
Here's the interesting part. As far as I'm concerned, the decision on whether to play FC3 or FC4 rests solely on how you feel about the regions they're set in.
Far Cry 3 is set on a bunch of tropical islands. There are boats you can drive(?) between or around the islands, and it's always sunny and whatever. The game world itself is very flat compared to FC4.
Far Cry 4 is set in the mountains of India. There's snowy areas and grassy areas, and the world is based a lot more around verticality. Having been released in 2014, the game features a grappling hook.

Other than that, it's the same open world shit every game's doing these days. Run/drive around, clear out enemies from a place, hunt some game for upgrades, rinse, repeat. It's nothing special to be honest, but it's done pretty well.
If Ubisoft doesn't announce Far Cry 5 at E3, I might be tempted to buy the Xbone version of FC4 for cheap and give it another shot.

There's also Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, which is the best Ubisoft game of the 2010s. It's a standalone expansion, meaning you don't need regular Far Cry 3 to play it.
It's a neon-soaked futuristic cheesy '80s action movie, with everything that entails. The hero is as generic American action hero as it gets, in the best possible way. His name is fucking Rex Power Colt. He even tells you that winners don't do drugs.
Blood Dragon takes the Far Cry gameplay and wraps it in the best possible shell. I really, really want another one. I should replay it.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sat May 13, 2017 12:53 am

Assassin's Creed 2987493: Syndicate (2015) - Xbone
Like my copy of Unity, this one's also a limited edition somehow. I don't know.
There's a season pass, but fucking hell too much Assassin's Creed
It took me over a year after Unity to get around to this one, because JESUS CHRIST
I'm so glad they took a year off.
This one takes place in industrial revolution-era England.
jolly good pip pip cheerio eh wot
hairs on a bobbin m8
simply chuffing my boy
going for a stroll around the neighbouringhood looking to peep some gozknockers jolly good pip
having a pippingly good time verily i say
daft cunt with their hit musical 'gozzing jolly sod'
what rot back in my day the tippermost of the pippermost was seanington c. rottingwog with his hit musical 'frottinglily morkerton with pork scratchings'
going to the pub to get some gollywockers with me m8s
two litres of thickly white from the cow's tit my good pip

tea
and
bloody
scones


The main deal with this one is that you have two protagonists. Due to the mainstream outrage over Unity having a "fucking white male" as a protagonist*, one of these is a chick. Jacob's gameplay apparently centres around combat, while Evie's is mostly stealth. Makes sense, biologically.
*Okay, so, this is an oversimplification. Unity's big thing was the new co-op mode, where you use your single-player character. Your single-player character is always Arno, who is a man, so every assassin in the co-op trailer was Arno, who is a man. Uninformed/uncaring SJWs took it upon themselves to whine about it, and Ubisoft said the exact wrong thing in response. So, here we are, at the next game, with Jacob and Evie.

+ Best combat in the series
+ Prize fights are neato and take advantage of this
+ Movement ripped from Unity, which fixed all of bullshit the Americas games did
+ The new grappling hook is a great way to keep the climbing from getting monotonous
+ The dual protagonists thing is neat, but not game-changing
+ They removed the shitty lockpicking minigame
+ The Thames is a unique location within the series that presents its own unique challenges
+ The beer-tasting guide is funny enough to justify its existence (sensible chuckle-level)
+ Charles Darwin is a total bro
+ Best final boss in the series, even if that's not saying much
- The "this game was created by" screen gets more wordy every year as the mentally ill think of new things to call themselves
- And "Ned" is the byproduct of these mentally ill employees
- Present-day shit ceased to be even mildly interesting after Revelations
- "Okay, it's the climax of the game, let's go check on those chucklefucks from the present"
- Something about Evie's face only looks vaguely human
- The Indian ambassador's voice actor sucks
- The gang boss fight in Lambeth is awful
- One of the collectibles is taking the flowers from gravestones and that makes me feel bad
- The side mission to get Nigel off the murder charge is THE WORST
- The side mission to bring the hypnotist to justice is THE SECOND WORST
- I got him finally but do ho ho some FUCK was blocking the doorway and there was nothing i could do about it
- And if the hypnotist gets all the way upstairs, you need to use a glitch to finish the mission (warping him down to the courtyard again)
- There's a tail mission in sequence 5 that's just dumb
- Sequence 9 is meant to be the climax but it's the most boring fucking one (barring the final mission)
- Their portrayal of Karl Marx is blatantly incorrect
- REVOLVERS DON'T HAVE CLIPS
- JUST SAY "AMMO CAPACITY" YOU RETARDS
- I clipped out of the level to my death twice
- The World War I missions are dumb because they make you play as a character with far fewer possible upgrades so you're just shit and killing anything takes forever

Game crashes:
1. Exploring Westminster Abbey (17 hours in)
2. Trying to boot the game back up immediately after crash 1 (17 hours in)
3. Halfway through the final fucking mission [LUCKILY it restarted me just before the cutscene I was in] (31 hours in)

I didn't complete the WW1 simulation because I couldn't be bothered. If I get around to it, and I have anything notable to say about it, I'll make another post down the line.
The dual protagonists gimmick ends up being really fucking shitty when you realise all the good missions are Jacob's, and Evie's are just boring. Jacob gets shit done and tears down the bad guy's shit and kills his leiutenants, and Evie gets medicine for sick children and runs a fucking taxi service for parliament. The best missions are the assassinations of the templars, and all but one have you play as Jacob.

So here's the rundown on the quality of the Assassin's Creed series:
Assassin's Creed - 7/10
Assassin's Creed II - 8.5/10
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood - 6/10
Assassin's Creed: Revelations - 8/10
Assassin's Creed III - 1/10
Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag - 8/10
Assassin's Creed: Rogue - 8/10
Assassin's Creed: Unity - 7.5/10
Assassin's Creed: Syndicate - 7.5/10

Protagonist rankings:
1. Ezio
2. Haytham
3. Shay
4. Edward
5. Altair
6. Arno
7. Jacob
8. Evie
9. Connor

Next up is either AC3:Liberation, or I'll run through all the games' DLC. That should be neato.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Thu May 25, 2017 2:39 am

Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia (2017) - 3DS
A remake of the NES game Fire Emblem Gaiden; the black sheep of the franchise. Gaiden was the second game in the series; a side story set between FE1:Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light and FE3:Mystery of the Emblem (Marth's games). Gaiden and this game also feature a bunch of characters from those games, including best pegasus knight Palla and my boy Camus. (I've played the remake of FE3 so don't get on my case about this)
This game doesn't try to reinvent Gaiden's wheel, but it does bring in convenience features and turn the dungeon-crawling(!) into a 3D affair, rather than NES-ass 2D.
The main premise is that you play as both Alm and Celica, two childhood friends leading separate armies into a war. Alm wants to kill the bad guy and end the war, and Celica doesn't want to fight at all.

The gameplay is kind of out there; spells are tied to the character instead of being items, and they cost HP to use. Bows have a range of "holy shit", and archers can counter-attack melee units.
The game also has a total of four* villager units - units that start out as a generic class, allowing the player to decide what they become. I made Grey a mercenary, Kliff a cavalier, Tobin a mage, and Faye a pegasus knight.
*there's also Atlas but he might as well just start off as a mercenary because that's the only thing he's decent as

I will never get used to there not being a weapon triangle. Every time I see an axe, I'll immediately think "use guy with sword" and get worried for my lance guys.
"hey guys let's put teleporting enemy witches into the game where magic is OP"

As a final note: I also bought the Alm and Celica amiibo two-pack, and will play the bonus dungeon once I feel my guys are ready.
oops i waited too long and they were piss-easy

+ 10/10 artstyle
+ Battle animations look better than any other 3D FE
+ The Triangle Attack animation is very much appreciated
+ The third-tier classes do a good job of making it look like you're getting super-powerful (Gold Knight Kliff especially)
+ Aside from plot-critical characters, you can choose to leave behind any unit you don't want in your army
+ Base conversations return for the first time since FE10, allowing minor characters to comment on the plot
+ Every character has multiple quotes upon level up, corresponding with the stats they gain
+ The voice acting isn't bad at all
+ Berkut's voice actor is 10/10
+ Aside from mask man and Faye, the new characters add to the themes of the story (that isn't to say Faye is bad; she's just kind of there)
+ Even then, mask man adds a much-needed cavalier to Celica's route
+ The title screen changes after you beat the game
- Opening with a scene from the climax is bullshit
- Celica goes from "okay character" to "absolutely retarded" in one scene
+ Luckily, she gets her shit SLAPPED at the height of her retardation
- And she does the retarded thing anyway
- AND OF COURSE ALM IS STILL IN LOVE WITH HER
- Clair's design is awful
- Alm and Celica's pre-promote designs are better than their promoted designs
- They somehow found a way to make desert maps even more tedious
- AND THE SWAMP MAPS ARE EVEN WORSE
- Enemies being able to attack you on the world map is kind of bullshit
- Mae keeps getting gangbanged by three fucking necrodragons while I'm trying to do something with Alm

As much as some maps gave me shit, I loved this game. I had a great time. I'm only halfway through the postgame dungeon, but it's hard as fuck so I'll have to grind forever and so I'll just leave this here
9/10

So here's how I'd rank every Fire Emblem game I've completed:
1. Path of Radiance (GameCube)
2. Awakening (3DS)
3. Echoes (3DS)
4. New Mystery of the Emblem (DS)
POWER GAP
5. Sacred Stones (GBA)
6. Fates - Conquest (3DS)
7. Fates - Birthright (3DS)
POWER GAP
8. Blazing Sword (GBA)
POWER GAP
9. Fates - Revelation (3DS)

Echoes might get a bump above Awakening if it stands up to a replay.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Wed May 31, 2017 1:09 am

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Links (2017) - iOS
FRIEND CODE: 458-250-167
The card game is bloated. I'm cool with Synchros, Xyzs can get a bit sketchy, Pendulum is whatever, and I have no clue what the fuck the newest shit is.
This game goes back to basics, with the developers adding in cards that fit in with what we remember as the original game. Right now, the extra deck is used exclusively for fusion monsters. There are newer cards, but none that use mechanics introduced after GX.

The game itself is based around the original series anime. You choose at the outset whether you want to play as Dark Yugi or Kaiba, and then you're off. You unlock more characters as you go along, including the character you didn't choose at the beginning. This ranges from the obvious Joey, Téa, Marik, whatever, to cool guys like Bandit Keith and if you're still not sold after "Bandit Keith" I don't know what to tell you
There are a few characters missing that I'd thought would be in, such as Bonz and Espa Roba, and maybe some rare hunters or Panik or something. Espa Roba makes sense, though, since Jinzo isn't in the game yet. I can't say I'm upset that Tristan and Mokuba didn't make it, though.

The Ultimate Rising is the best pack, before you ask.

playable characters:
 

IMPORTANT NOTE: You NEED to link your game to a Konami ID so that if your phone/tablet dies, you don't lose all your shit.

+ Some characters' special abilities are sweet (Bandit Keith's allow you to cheat)
+ PARADOX BROTHERS EVENT
+ The mobile grind is mitigated a bit by the auto-duel feature where the AI takes over for you and speeds shit way up
+ They tell you which cards are in a pack, and you even get to see their effects and power
+ Every pack has a limited number of each card, meaning that if you empty the pack out, you WILL get the rare card you want
+ Kaiba's a fucking asshole and I love it
+ The characters have voice clips for most of their most memorable cards
+ The characters have voice clips to interact with the people you'd expect them to interact with
+ Most of the original English voice actors return
+ Including original Rex Raptor, who had been replaced in season 4
- Mai is voiced by her season 4+ actress (she sounds at least 30, probably closer to 40)
- Mako's voice actor was replaced, but the replacement sounds okay
- Who the fuck is voicing Weevil
- The way Bandit Keith pauses in the middle of "Stop Defense" is kind of weird
- The way Joey bites on the word "Chain" in "Kunai with Chain" is kind of weird
- They swapped Téa's and Pegasus's eye colours and it bothers me a lot
- Why is Rex's signature monster still Red-Eyes Black Dragon instead of Serpent Night Dragon or Tyrant Dragon (so they can reuse Joey's ace monster animation :^))
- Some of the random no-name opponents have annoying voices (pigtails girl especially)
- One of Bandit Keith's unlock missions is collecting two (2) machine monsters WHICH SHOULDN'T BE AS HARD AS IT IS
- A lot of the rank up objectives force you to turtle for a long-ass time
- You're stuck using a "4* monsters with the highest attack" deck for a long while
- You "can" get rare cards from dueling certain characters, but GOOD FUCKING LUCK
- If Black Lustre Soldier gets a special animation for Yami Yugi why doesn't Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon get one for Kaiba

it's pretty good/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sat Jun 17, 2017 1:20 am

Forza Horizon 2 (2014) - Xbone
Forza Motorsport is a series of realistic closed-circuit racing games, meant to be for the Xbox what Gran Turismo is for the PlayStation.
Forza Horizon is a series of open-world racing games with less strict physics. It sounded fun, and it wasn't super-expensive, so here I am (doing everything I can).

The are 168 championships in this game, which are each 4 races, barring the first one, which is 3. Between each championship, you need to go on a ROAD TRIP, which is basically just driving from city A to city B. Over and over and over and over and over
To complete the main objective of the game (winning the Horizon Finale), you only need to complete 15 championships. That makes things a lot easier.

This is a game that is clearly meant to be picked up and put down and played over the course of two years so you can buy the sequel while it's still $60 :^)

The game has three expansions, but I can really only see myself playing two of them. One is just "pay extra money so you can drive a Porsche!!!".
The first is called Storm Island, which takes place on uh Storm Island which is a uh stormy island; more races in extreme weather sounds like it could be neato
The second is based on the highest-grossing film series owned by Universal, The Fast and the Furious. That wasn't a joke. R.I.P. Paul Walker
Say what you will, but I find the movies enjoyable. They've gotten so dumb that it's just impossible to watch and not want to see what dumb shit happens next.

+ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3Yl4ehzX-o
+ Can download other people's car customisations if you're shit at it
+ Seeing actual people's cars in races is pretty sweet honestly
+ SO MANY DIFFERENT CARS (maybe too many)
+ Lots of free cars
+ Special events where you race jets and trains are pretty sweet
+ I've grown to appreciate the style points system (it was a minus point before)
+ Once you get the handling down, road races feel really nice
- Off-road races can go fuck a goat though
- Pretentious intro
- Someone always has to stop me and explain EVERY MINUTE DETAIL (can't even skip it) [this ends eventually but it's really annoying at first]
- After you win your second championship series, you're treated to a trailer for the DLC and taken to a page where you can buy it for just $19.99!!!
- Road Trips make sense the first time you need to go to a location, but 168 of them is just ridiculous (THAT'S 224 ROAD TRIPS)
- More than that, because they make you return to the centre of the map after every three championships
- Some of the Bucket List items are too hard for no good reason (the "beat the sun in a Ferrari" challenge comes to mind)
- Someone already took "SHOE" as their clan tag
- The "better roulette spins" skill point is a RIP-OFF

Game crashes:
1. Accepting a car I got as a gift somehow (5 hours in)
2. On a road trip, taking the direct route rather than the scenic route (9 hours in)
3. Buying a new car to kick off a road trip (15 hours in)
Those last two crashes had something in common. I went straight from repainting a car to a road trip, and the paint didn't load in correctly when I drove that car on the road trip. A few minutes later, the game crashed. That's something that a lot of people are going to do, and I'm surprised it wasn't patched.

8.5/10
The best traditional racing game since Burnout Paradise. (I've also got a soft spot for Need for Speed: ProStreet)
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:36 am

Forza Horizon 2 - Storm Island (2014) - Xbone
The first of two major expansions for Horizon 2. This one is the only one that adds a new area in Storm Island. Off-road races are far and away the worst part of Horizon 2, so why not make a whole expansion about them? Why did I buy this, again?

+ Visually nice and distinct
+ No road trips
- Too many large jumps that just make your car flip end over end over end
- Same problems with offroad races as in the base game

In spite of all this, I still had a lot of fun somehow and am glad I bought it. It's more of the same, and the same was great to begin with.
7.5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sun Aug 06, 2017 11:24 pm

The Nintendo Switch
HEY GUESS WHO FOUND ONE

I mean, it's a Nintendo system for people who like Nintendo games.
My only real complaint after playing a shitload of BOTW: Charging the ""joycon"" controllers is the most ridiculously, nonsensically obtuse thing in the world. There's no way to charge them out of the box without being in handheld mode (as in, not playing on a TV). Most insulting, however, is that in order to charge them in a way that isn't ass-backwards retarded, you have to buy an OFFICIAL NINTENDO PRODUCT
The Charging Grip allows you to play as you charge your controllers for just $30!!!
The Charging Dock allows you to charge them without having the console exposed to the elements for just $30!!!
Or you could just get the Pro Controller for a whopping SEVENTY DOLLARS. I've read that it has the worst d-pad this side of the Xbox 360, though.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (2017) - Switch
I would have bought the game for Wii U, but I needed to grab a Switch ASAP because who knows if I'll be able to get one if I wait for Mario Odyssey or FEWarriors?

My history with Zelda games is bullshit.
I had OoT as a kid, never made it out of the tree because it was scary (I was a gigantic puss as a kid)
I had WW as a kid, never made it out of the Forsaken Fortress because I got caught once 2/3 of the way through and ragequit

As an adult:
Stopped playing OoT at Shadow Temple due to lack of interest (and playing on a keyboard)
Stopped playing MM after completing Anju and Kafei with two temples left to go (I sequence-broke)
Stopped playing WW HD at the Earth Temple due to lack of interest (the only part of the game I liked was the side quests and exploring the world)
Stopped playing TP in the desert due to lack of interest

SO WHAT MAKES THIS ONE DIFFERENT?????
WHY ON EARTH DID I BUY A $60 ZELDA GAME WHEN I HAVE FOUR I HAVEN'T FINISHED
It looks sweet as fuck.
Everyone's complaining that the dungeons are short and dumb but FUCK YES THAT IS WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED
This could be the first Zelda game I actually finish guys
Because instead of being a Zelda game
It's an open-world checklist simulator

The graphics are beautiful. It looks like how I imagine Skyward Sword was supposed to look. You know, without the dumb-looking lips and Zelda having a big Jew nose.
Every mainline 3D Princess Zelda has had a gimmick:
OoT: Tranny Zelda
MM: No Zelda
WW: Pirate Zelda
TP: Brunette Zelda (aka best Zelda)
SS: Jew Zelda
BOTW: Eyebrows Zelda

+ Absolutely beautiful
+ Paya
+ You can mantle up walls and cliffs and shit
+ See that mountain? You CAN climb it
+ Climbing mountains and gliding off to get to where you want to go is VERY satisfying
+ Things that would be flammable in real life ACTUALLY CATCH FIRE in-game
+ You can chop down trees and roll the trunks down hills
+ You can cut grass (okay this one isn't a new feature)
+ You can hop on your shield and surf down the mountain
+ You can use your magnet powers to pick up and solve puzzles with TREASURE CHESTS
+ The idea of needing different armour for cold areas and hot areas is neato
+ Wooden items going up in flames on Death Mountain is kind of cool
+ Prince Sidon has a different scene if you enter Zora's Domain from the rear (over the cliff) rather than the front
+ You can buy your own house
+ Tarrey Town quest is great
+ The cooking system is actually kind of neat
+ The game is very good at showing you what you need to do to solve a puzzle early on without outright TELLING you
+ Dungeons are SHORT AND SWEET
+ I cannot overstate how much of an improvement I feel the dungeons in this game are; they show off the core mechanic, and just let you at the puzzles
+ You can actually use your abilities to complete some shrines in unintended ways
- FORCED MOTION CONTROL SHRINES
- Could use more towns
- Zelda's voice is terrible
- TERRIBLE
- T E R R I B L E
- I could have been a better voice actress for Zelda
- Purah is the worst character ever
- Rain is "no fun allowed" mode
- Near the top of a huge cliff I've been climbing and it starts raining now I'm at the bottom again
- Doing a quest where I have to light a series of torches with a special blue flame to get it to the furnace at the end and it starts raining so now I'm not
- Then it stops raining only to start raining again a few minutes later
- Electroblight Ganon is the worst boss fight ever


So I've been lollygagging for a while on this game. Usually, that's because I'm bored of a game. With this game, though, it's because I don't want it to end. I so want there to be a another area with a town, a tower, shrines, and a divine beast. I've had a really good time with this game, and I don't want it to end.
(also after this I'm out of Switch games until Mario Odyssey comes out)
For this reason alone, I am going to say that this is the best game I've played since The Witcher III. It's such a fun ride, from cover to cover. There were a few things I didn't enjoy too much, but 98% of the game was just amazing.

I sincerely hope that the next 3D Zelda is just this again, but in a different place.

OKAY I BEAT THE GAME
Final boss is
passable
I'm not going to remember it at the end of the year. But that's not what it's all about; it's about the journey, and it was one fucking hell of a journey.
Except I didn't get the best ending because I didn't go to all of Princess Zelda's favourite vacation spots
That's okay though because Link CANONICALLY marries Paya and they live happily together forever and also ever

9.5/10

edit: I loaded up my "beat Ganon/watched (skipped) credits" save file and it says I only completed 23% of the game
What the fuck
I legitimately thought I was in the 73-78% range


This post is dedicated to the memory of Roscoe
R.I.P.
May he live on forever in our hearts
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:50 am

Tekken 7 (2017) - PS4
fucking
FINALLY
Tekken 7 came out in Japanese arcades in March of 2015. Then an updated version called Fated Retribution came out in July of 2016. Here we are, in June of 2017, finally getting our little American hands on it. I get that our version is the result of the Japanese basically beta testing the game, but it's been five years since Tekken Tag 2, and I've wanted this game so badly.
(the same shit happened with Tekken 6; we didn't get it until it was updated to Bloodline Rebellion)
I had Tekken 6 and Tag 2 on 360, which was the worst decision. LET'S PLAY A FIGHTING GAME WITH THE SINGLE WORST D-PAD EVER CREATED

Tekkens 5 and 6 had a fuckload of characters; almost all of the living ones. Even characters no one gave a shit about like WANG and the kangaroo made it back for those games. Tekken 7 strips shit down. Not to the level of Tekken 4 (God forbid), but definitely down. Armour King has been folded into King, Baek has been folded into Hwoarang, so on and so forth. Bruce was replaced by a girl named Josie, and Raven was replaced by Girl Raven (presumably due to wanting to avoid a lawsuit from Wesley Snipes). Out of all the living characters, only Marduk and Armour King were truly written out of this game's plot, however.
The strangest roster choice was bringing back the bears, in spite of the fact that no one plays as the fucking bears. People are clamouring for Lei and Anna, but GOTTA PUT IN THE BEARS
The director/producer, Katsuhiro Harada, has said that classic Tekken characters that didn't make the cut may return as free(!) DLC in the future, so here's MY TOP FIVE:
1. Lei Wulong
2. Jaycee
3. Zafina
4. Michelle Chang
5. Baek Doo San
I think that with Julia being kept as Jaycee, like in Tekken Tag 2, there's enough of a difference between Julia and her mother to justify having both.

+ The girls no longer have man bodies
+ Improved by miles graphically (look at the faces and hair compared to TTT2 or T6)
+ Treasure battle is a great addition, especially the gimmick fights (double speed, double damage)
+ Holy fucking shit Lucky Chloe is the best character ever
- Hwoarang is a fucking edgelord now what the fuck
- BEARS
- Girl Raven looks really dumb
- No individual character endings in arcade mode
- No team battle mode
- Many customisation pieces are locked behind "get it randomly in treasure battle mode"
- RAGE ARTS ARE FUCKING BULLSHIT
- YOU SHOULD NOT BE REWARDED FOR PLAYING POORLY

-:
In some fighting games, you get to face a harder boss in arcade mode by completing certain conditions. This game, however, has it backwards as fuck.
If you complete all the stages without losing a single round, you face Akuma, who is pretty easy. I beat him very easily both times I've fought him. Getting to him was so simple that I had to look up how to face the other final boss.
If you lose a round at all, though, you're facing Kazumi, who is THE FUCKING WORST
Her normal form is hard as shit. She knows your moves, and she's going to block fucking everything, then fuck your shit up. But let's say you beat her one round. Welp, now she's in her stronger devil form! In addition to all her bullshit from before, she can now cover half the stage with her swooping attack, and fire her cheap-ass laser eyes at you from across the stage. Fucking amazing. The hardest boss can only be fought if you suck. (still better than Azazel though)

I was going to wait to post this review until I finished story mode. The game came out June 1st, and it's not August 9th and I just started story mode after not playing the game for two months.
It's not great. None of the voice actors give a single shit, I have no clue who this fucking reporter guy is, and it's just boring. Dead or Alive 5 did the story mode idea so much better, because the scenes weren't nearly as long, and the voice actors at least gave a little shit.

Out of the main series:
Best final boss: Tekken 3
Best UI: Tekken 4
Best Yoshimitsu: Tekken 4
Best story illustrations: Tekken 4
Best newcomers: Tekken 5 (Tekken 1 is excluded for obvious reasons)
Best gameplay: Tekken 5
Best customisation: Tekken 6
Best graphics: Tekken 7 (i'd fucking hope so)

Best game: Tekken 5

7/10
Worse than Tekken 4

If you want to play a fighting game on PS4/Xbone, I'd really recommend Dead or Alive 5: Last Round over this. I just had a lot more fun with that one in every way.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Mon Aug 21, 2017 2:55 am

Samurai Warriors 4 (2014) - PS4
Until now, I'd only played Hyrule Warriors and Dynasty Warriors 7, so I ordered SW4 and DW8+XL for cheap. SW4 arrived first, so that's where I'm starting.
going off on a tangent:
 

The Dynasty Warriors and Samurai Warriors series are unique in that each game in the series tells the same story a bit differently. It tells the story of a certain historical period over and over and over so you really only need to play one of each, but think about it this way: People replay their favourite games all the time, but what if they could play a NEW version of that same game (for just $60!!!) that keeps a lot of what hooked them in the first place, but tells the story differently, and has new and improved gameplay? I mean, sure, they're working on Dynasty Warriors 9 right now, but you know.
Basically, which Samurai Warriors game you play is based on the system you own. If you've got a PS2 or 360, you're stuck with SW2. If you've got a Wii, you're onto SW3. If you've got a PS3 or PS4, your only option is SW4. If you've got an Xbone, well, uh
The Warriors series has been going PlayStation-only for a little while now. Xbone got Warriors Orochi 3* and Dynasty Warriors 8: Empires, but Samurai Warriors is stuck on PS4. DW9 is coming to Xbone, which is nice, but if you're into the Warriors series, you need to get a PS4, basically.
*Warriors Orochi is the crossover title between Dynasty Warriors and Samurai Warriors, which I haven't tried out. I figured I'd get more out of it if I'd played at least one SW title first.

+ Hyper Strike attacks go a long way to fix the "large map/slow speed" struggle
+ Playing as two characters (switching with the Start button) does the same thing
+ The character you're not currently playing as does a good job of going where you'll want him to, and you can command him otherwise if he's being an idiot
+ Motochika Chosokabe is the fucking COOLEST
+ Koshosho is fucking GREAT
+ Seriously, the Legend of Shikoku campaign has the BEST characters (Legend of Tohoku, Kanto, and Takeda are also good)
+ Character creator is pretty good
+ There are a lot of campaigns and a lot of characters to play as
+ Unlocking true final missions for campaigns after completing Legend of a Land United is a nice touch
+ Being able to choose which side of a climactic Land United/Legend of Sanada battle you want to be on is cool, even if you can choose the losing side
+ Legend of Sanada's ending Jesus Christ even though I knew what would happen after beating Land United, just, FUCK, man (I teared up, I'll admit)
+ Environments look great, except
- The water looks TERRIBLE
- No English dub if you're into that sort of thing
- The timeline is harder to follow than in Dynasty Warriors, since most of the clans' stories are 4 maps long and start and end wherever
- Chronicle mode lacks a sense of progression, and doesn't really give you enough information
- Can't exit a battle without resetting the console or completing/failing it (tough luck if you don't like the character you chose)

8.5/10
In reality, it's just another Warriors game. How much you get out of it depends on how much you enjoy the gameplay style.
There's another game that came out after this one called Samurai Warriors 4-II, which sounds strange and interesting and I'll probably end up getting that one eventually. The one that interests me most, though, is this year's Samurai Warriors: Spirit of Sanada, which seems to come highly recommended.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sun Sep 03, 2017 3:24 am

Wanted: Weapons of Fate (2009) - Xbox 360
I found this game at a pawn shop for $3. It's like a sequel to a movie that came out around the same time with Angelina Jolie or whatever. I never saw it. I saw the game in magazines and shit around this time, and thought it looked really cool. I was always curious about it, but I never saw it anywhere, to the point where I started to doubt that it ever actually came out.
Here we are, eight years later, and we can finally curve some bullets. I heard this game was, like 4 hours long or something so this should be quick.

+ Easy mode is labeled "PUSSY"
+ The main gimmick, curving bullets, is a really fucking neat one (it's basically just a special move that lets you pop a guy behind cover if you can find a trajectory)
+ The camera angles when in cover make a lot of sense, not allowing you to really see what's beyond it
+ The bullet time segments are just glorified QTEs but they're the best QTEs I've ever played
- The controls feel stiff
- Enemies don't trip landmines
- Some of the transitions are too abrupt; the game put me into a turret and I thought it was just a cutscene that failed to load properly
- Graphics are really sub-par for a game that came out in 2009
- The plot is kind of hard to follow (maybe it's because I didn't watch the movie)
- Every time you get a collectible, the music COMPLETELY cuts out for the "DONG" noise, and it's really jarring
- THE CREDITS ARE WAY TOO LOUD (and you can't skip them)

6.5/10
Story's dumb, but it's a fun enough way to spend 4-5 hours. It doesn't overstay its welcome, and is a decent time-waster at $10 or less.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:54 pm

Dynasty Warriors 8 + Xtreme Legends (2013) - PS4
The Xtreme Legends expansions were super-unique back in the PS2 era, since they'd actually interact with the main DW game and XL would give you new features in its DW game, and vice versa. Now that we're fully digital or whatever, we can just slap an expansion onto a game and call it a day, but you can't help but appreciate what they did with such limited technology back then.
The version I've bought here is basically like a GOTY edition; it's DW8 and DW8XL on one disc. No DW8Empires, but that's a different animal altogether.
As a note, I played DW7 on 360, and its Xtreme Legends expansion only came out on PS3. It's bullshit, but whatever.

After playing DW7, I did some looking and asking around, and I was told that DW7 had the absolute best presentation of the Three Kingdoms story in the series, so I'm glad I started there. DW8 sounds like the next step, doing what a sequel should: improving the gameplay (or so I'm told) and adding even more playable characters. DW9 is going open world, so uh that's something. Could be sweet, could be fucking terrible; who knows?
My main comparison to this game will be DW7. I played that one before I switched review format, so I didn't actually review it, but I had a lot of fun with it. It took a while to get used to the camera and controls, coming straight off of Hyrule Warriors, but once I got situated, I had a great time. Playing it right after Samurai Warriors 4 might be strange, though. I'm not going to fault it for not having SW4 improvements, since it came out first. DW9, though, we'll see.
Like in DW7, my campaign path is going to be Wu -> Wei -> Shu -> Jin. Shu are the bad guys, in case you're wondering (DON'T LOOK THAT UP JUST TRUST ME)

+ Hidden objectives that change history (e.g. people not dying when they're supposed to)
+ And if you hit enough of them, you actually unlock a completely separate story path where the faction DOESN'T lose a major battle
+ Unlike DW7, you are given a few characters to choose from for each map, rather than being stuck with whoever they want to give you
+ Unlike SW4, all characters you can select for a mission are automatically raised to the minimum level to make playing as them not suck
+ Yue Jin is THE FUCKING COOLEST new character
+ Li Dian is fun to play as at least
+ Guo Jia has a sweet moveset and is voiced by Quinton Flynn (shame about his design though)
+ Xiahou Ba's new weapon is 10/10 amazing
+ They added different types of swords, so now Sun Jian, Sun Quan, Cao Cao, Xiahou Dun, and Sima Zhao all have actually different movesets
+ Xtreme Legends adds a Lu Bu campaign where you get to tear shit up as Lu Bu
+ Ambition Mode has a neat gimmick that encourages, like, being actually good at the game
+/- Campaigns are shorter and less redundant with eachother (DW7 started EVERYONE on the Yellow Turban Rebellion; DW8 only puts Shu through it)
- DW7's story presentation was better
- Between-mission briefings are no longer voiced (I liked DW7's narrator)
- WHY DOES AMBITION MODE ONLY GIVE ME SHU OFFICERS THEY ARE THE WORST ONES
- Ambition Mode is just a grindfest
- Why is Sima Yi so pussywhipped now
- Jia Chong's character sort of undermines Sima Zhao's character development
- The majority of Jin's characters are either ridiculously unfun to play as (Sima Yi, Deng Ai, Guo Huai, Jia Chong), or just unlikable (Zhuge Dan, Jia Chong, Zhong Hui)

8.5/10
I mean, I've played a shitload of this game. It's not as good as Samurai Warriors 4, but I attribute that to SW4 being made for PS4, where DW8 was made for PS3. I find the setting of Dynasty Warriors more interesting than that of Samurai Warriors, which is probably why I was able to play the shit out of it right after a game in the same general series that had better gameplay.

I haven't done 100% of everything, but here are my stats:
>Wu/Wei/Shu/Jin/Lu Bu historical endings
>Wu/Wei/Jin/Lu Bu hypothetical endings (because I hate Shu and don't want them to win)
>Wu/Wei Xtreme Legends missions
>Enough of Ambition Mode to know exactly what the rest of it is
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sun Sep 17, 2017 2:12 pm

what's your PS4 ID, friend
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Mon Sep 18, 2017 1:20 am

rakitox

i'm thinking of changing my xbox live name to rakitox as well but 10 dollars is a lot of dollars
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year all years   Sun Sep 24, 2017 3:45 am

West of Loathing (2017) - PC
I watched a YouTube video about this game and I decided I needed to play it. It's $11 on Steam and only on Steam. Luckily, a toaster could run this game.
West of Loathing is a turn-based RPG with skill checks/dialogue options like a WRPG, which is set in its own version of the Wild West. The graphics are plain black and white stick figures. It is a sequel(?) to the browser game Kingdom of Loathing, but it's pretty much completely different, aside from the artstyle and sense of humour.

While beating the game is easy, resolving the cows/necromancers/aliens subplots reqires one or more of the following:
1. a guide
2. incredible luck
3. being a lot smarter than me
(I managed to do the clowns one on my own though)

+ Amazing sense of humour (the moral compass joke in particular left me in fits of APPRECIATION)
+ Actually fun RPG gameplay
+ GREAT soundtrack (if you're into westerns)
+ Shitloads of locations and side quests (easier to do this when there's no voice acting)
+ Only being able to choose one class/pardner/horse opens the door to replay value
+ The game rewards you for just bumping into everything you see
+ There's a "wander" button that just lets you find random events easily and at a good pace
+ Pardners have dialogue for like every location
+ The anger system is a great risk/reward system, especially if you plan on doing a "one-day" run
- I wish you could return to Boring Springs once you've left (the Sherf and Cactus Bill are my two favourite characters)
- The game really isn't clear on how to take your pardners with you before you leave Boring Springs
- Awkward difficulty curve

8/10 I had a good time
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