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 game of the year 2014

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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7685
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: game of the year 2014   Thu Jan 01, 2015 6:03 pm

2014 is done. Happy New Year. This year, I'm doing something a little different. Instead of writing about all the games I played throughout the year in December, I'll be writing about them as I play them.



A PREVIEW OF THINGS TO COME:
Assassin's Creed: Rogue
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas HD
Hyrule Warriors
Kingdom Hearts 2.5 HD Remix
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
Mario Kart 8
Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes
Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor
Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney Investigations 2 [fan translation]
Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Super Smash Bros. Kerfuffle
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
The Wolf Among Us
Watch_Dogs




Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes
The newest installment of the Metal Gear series, six years after MGS4. The game takes place a year or so after Peace Walker, and stars Big Boss, as protrayed by Kiefer Sutherland.
Let me explain the plot of Peace Walker, then the plot of Ground Zeroes, for a comparison.
PW: Strangelove made a robot that was The Boss, and Coldman wanted to use it to nuke the world. Then Zadornov killed Coldman and wanted to use it to nuke the world. Then Snake locked up Zadornov, but Zadornov kept escaping. After his final escape, Zadornov was killed, and Paz used a giant salmon-coloured robot to try and kill Snake. Snake defeats the giant salmon-coloured robot, and raises Mother Base to be the greatest fighting force.
GZ: Skullface kidnapped Paz and Chico. He made Chico rape Paz or something, then planted two bombs inside Paz. Snake rescued both Chico and Paz, and removed one of the bombs from Paz by opening her up without anesthetic and tearing it out. Then Mother Base is blown up, and Paz blows up, too, as a joke. Snake and Kaz are caught in the blast. The end. Here's to you or whatever.

+ Best gameplay of the series
+ Fun side missions
+ The sheer satisfaction of getting an S rank is always nice
+ Graphically impressive
+ Deja Vu mission is the best thing ever
+ Sweet reversible cover art
- No cardboard box
- Kiefer Sutherland just... isn't Snake
- The fall of Mother Base isn't even gameplay
- Look at all these install-ass times
- Tonally retarded
- No Way to Fall
- Can only use MGS1 Snake skin in one mission
- Raiden isn't voiced
- Raiden's gameplay is the exact same as Snake's, despite being in his Revengeance body
- No Rules of Nature
- Shorter than this review
KOJIMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA/10



Mario Kart 8
The eighth Mario Kart. There's really not much else to say.

+ Perfects the gameplay
+ Anti-gravity is super-cool
+ Absolutely beautiful
+ I'm serious; it may be the best-looking game I've ever played
+ MKTV allows you to upload videos to YouTube directly from your Wii U
+ The new courses are very good; not a bad one in the bunch (I don't particularly care for Dolphin Shoals, though)
+ Great music as always
+ I got a free digital copy of Wind Waker HD for registering the game on Club Nintendo
+ One of the karts is a giant fucking shoe
+ Mercedes DLC is amazing
+ WALUIGI YEAH YEAH YEAH
- Despite Waluigi's triumphant return, the rest of the character roster is a bit horrible
- Fuck all those babies
- Fuck Pink Gold Peach
- Where's Diddy and Dry Bones? Where's Wiggler? Where's Goddamn Bowser Jr.?
- Rainbow Road is kind of underwhelming
- N64 Rainbow Road was FUCKING BUTCHERED
- GRUMBLE VOLCANO IS THE WORST COURSE IN THE FUCKING SERIES; WHY IS IT BACK
- Some of the best "retro" courses to show off the anti-gravity shit were wasted on MK7 (Waluigi Pinball, Koopa Cape, Maple Treeway)
- The new items are mostly useless (especially that fucking boomerang)
- The coin item is fucking bullshit
- Blooper is still useless and annoying at best
- The star has been nerfed to uselessness
- You only ever get mushrooms in last place, meaning you can never catch back up
- Lightweight characters' advantages do nothing to remedy the fact that their disadvantages make them unable to win ever
- Looks horrid in screenshots
- Having the minimap and the race positions on the gamepad is annoying (minimap was fixed in a patch)
- Same age-old Mario Kart AI bullshit
8/10



Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney Investigations 2
Last year, I rated Dual Destinies FAR too highly. The "new game" effect hadn't worn off, and I didn't realise any of its flaws. Luckily, I've had time to digest this game properly.
In 2011, Capcom released Gyakuten Kenji 2 in Japan. This was at the very end of the DS's life cycle, and Capcom didn't bother to localise a game they thought would get overlooked and pirated.
Three years later, we finally get to play it thanks to some guys. Thanks, guys.

On the translation:
+ Captures the spirit of the official localisations pretty well
+ In addition to the text, the character sprites and backgrounds are edited extremely well
- THE MEMES JACK
- Some characters, like Detective Badd, are translated incorrectly (his speech patterns are wrong)
- A few lines that are supposed to be thought by Edgeworth are actually said by him
- Some of the jokes fall flat; not sure if that's their fault or the original writers', though
- Contradiction between what is said and what happened arises because of the use of an English idiom; impossible to point out

On the game:
+/- I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THE BAD GUY WAS SYMPATHETIC OR JUST AN ASSHOLE
+ The final twist is done well, I guess, but I was spoiled so I don't really know
+ The way every case is tied together makes sense, which is always nice (the fact that they're all tied together in itself isn't a positive)
+ No bad cases
+ A shitload of incredibly likable new characters
+ Returning characters are done justice, mostly
+ Gumshoe's character arc is completed in a very satisfying way
+ Fuck, you even get to play as Gumshoe for a bit
+ The two worst characters are redeemed at the end
- They're absolutely insufferable until then
- "Instead of investigating the crime scene and doing our jobs, let's just arrest this person and fire anyone who suggests otherwise"
- The moral ambiguity of the Mastermind's actions is completely removed when he's revealed to actually have killed someone, dulling the impact a lot
- The third case's constant flashing back and forward is kind of annoying and makes it a lot harder to understand what's going on
- Kay is an absolutely useless character, and her "GREAT THIEF" shtick had already gotten old in AAI1
- She even has the chance to get some character development, but NOPE GREAT THIEF TIME
- SHE NEVER EVEN GAVE UNCLE RAY A HUG
- WHAT A BITCH
- Cases tend to drag on and on and fucking on
- Overrated (the more people falsely say something is the best, the more I start to hate it)
- Needed more Gumshoe
7/10



Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
My biggest question:
WHY WAS THERE A FIVE-MONTH DELAY BETWEEN THE EUROPEAN AND AMERICAN RELEASES
IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CHANGED THE EUROPEAN SPELLINGS OR LUKE'S VOICE LIKE THEY ALWAYS DO
IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT IS WHAT IT IS

Last year's Dual Destinies was the first mainline AA title not at least co-written by series creator Shu Takumi. Despite what I said after playing, it's shit. It's easily the worst in the series, and did nothing that the game needed to do after the fanbase-splitter that was Apollo Justice. But fuck all that.
This game was written by Shu Takumi, and stars our hero Phoenix Wright (the one and only Ace Attorney), and his sidekick Maya Fey. Also, Professor Layton and his apprentice Luke make appearances. They're not important.

Phoenix half:
+ Phoenix is written just as he should be, immediately following three games of high-profile cases
+ Maya is finally back (and about time, too)
+ The characters actually holding the evidence is great
+ Flynch is the best substitute for Payne they could have ever made (and his existence actually makes sense, unlike Gaspen's)
+ The second tutorial case in the series where the culprit isn't obvious as shit from the outset (the first being 4-1, the first case of Apollo Justice)
+ Hell, I wasn't sure who the second case's culprit was until just before I had to say who it was
+ Voice acting is actually well-done
+ Phoenix's new voice actor is much better than Sam Reigel
+ Maya's voice actress is so much better than the usual "translated from Japanese!" voice actresses
+ "But I'm just a simple bread-making baker... living a simple bread-making life..." - Phoenix Wright, 2014
+ Group cross-examinations are very well-done
+ Witness group huddles are amazing
+ New witnesses appear from the gallery before appearing at the stand
+ There's a Goddamn Toy Story reference
+ You get to cross-examine a parrot
+ Uh, again
+ Emeer is more omnipresent than fucking Larry
+ Luke and Espella spinning the Layton statue to do the dual-point with Phoenix was fucking BRILLIANT
+ PHOENIX IS PACING BEHIND THE DEFENSE BENCH
+ GAME OF THE YEAR
+ "Ugh, that girl! She's gone and Dzibilchaltunchunchucmilled herself!"
+ Layton's "take that" being replaced by a polite "have a look" was a nice touch
+ And the dialogue when you present the wrong piece of evidence as Layton is some of the best in the entire series
+ English Court versions of the first game's music are amazing
- Annoying horns in the game's new Pursuit theme (it's called Pursuit/Casting Magic, if you're interested)
- Dzibilchaltunchunchucmil has that stupid bead of snot coming out of his nose
- Phoenix doesn't have his confident as shit hands on hips pose
- Can't present your lawyer's badge
- Seriously
- You CAN'T present your lawyer's badge
- WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT EVEN IS THAT

Layton half:
+ Well, it's a Layton game
+ I mean, shit
+ "OUR BAKERY USES ONLY THE FINEST INGREDIENTS" - Phoenix Wright, 2014
+ Phoenix using his desk slam animation to knead the dough was BRILLIANT
+ Phoenix and Maya's puzzle-solving voice clips are great
+ And Phoenix's voice clips when he gets a puzzle wrong are even better ("I'M NOT GUILTY")
+ Golden curse twist was legitimately well-done
+ Puzzles rarely rely on "Layton logic" (by which I mean "utter bullshit")
- Luke's voice can be annoying at times (mostly when he says "gentleman-in-training", but that whole phrase is annoying)
- The whole Picarat system is still flawed as shit (even moreso, since you get a bonus for not having penalties in Phoenix's sections)
- There are still sliding block puzzles
- Seriously
- FUCK sliding block puzzles
- More like "SUCK MY COCK PUZZLES"

The actual story:
+ The first three cases and the story surrounding them are absolutely great
- The final trial is 100% the worst in the series
- Worse than LET'S WATCH THE VIDEO AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN
- The entire ending trial is so stupid and full of huge leaps in "logic" (if you can even fucking CALL IT THAT) that I had to use a walkthrough
- It's not me being stupid, it's the game forcing bullshit conclusions on you
- Espella is a stupid fucking bitch
- A STUPID
- FUCKING
- BITCH
- It's fucking one crisis after another with that stupid fucking bitch
- If I hear her scream "NOOOOOOOOOO" one more time, I will snap my 3DS in half
- Great Witch Bezella?! I'm pretty sure they meant "Stupid Bitch Espella"
- "Magic isn't real; the whole thing was an experiment" "FUCK YOU MAGIC IS TOTALLY REAL" "No it isn'-" "FUCK YOU YOU NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY"
- FUCKING HELL
- "You can't draw a dragon that detailed unless you actually saw one!!!" FUCK YOU PHOENIX THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE
- HOLY SHIT THIS GUY SAW A REAL DRAGON ONCE
- HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL THAT THAT'S A PICTURE OF DARKLAW AS A KID
- IT LOOKS EXACTLY FUCKING LIKE HER
- AND YOU JUST SAW HER FIVE MINUTES AGO
- AND SHE SAID THAT PENDANT WAS HERS
- FUCK YOU
- "What are you basing this preposterous claim on?!" MAYBE THE FACT THAT THEY LOOK FUCKING IDENTICAL
- AND THE FACT THAT ONLY TWO OF THOSE PENDANTS EXIST, AND IF ONE GIRL IS ESPELLA, THE OTHER HAS TO BE THE OWNER OF THE OTHER PENDANT
- WHICH
- IS
- FUCKING
- DARKLAW
- THIS MAKES ZERO SENSE
- And what do you know! The entire calamity was cased by Espella being a stupid fucking bitch!
- "Don't ring the bell, please" "NO I WANT TO RING THE BELL" "If you ring the bell you'll uh get posessed by a witch" "FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT"
- Espella KILLED literally DOZENS of innocent people
- Then when her father says the witch thing was made up? SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE HIM
- OH HO HO WHAT A GREAT STORY
- FUCK YOU
- Okay so it wasn't really her that rung the bell
- But she was still the direct cause and is still a stupid fucking bitch
- EVEN MORESO BECAUSE THE "TRAUMATIC THING SHE DID" WASN'T DONE BY HER AT ALL
- And that undermines the whole fucking thing, moreso than "Athena didn't kill her mother!"
- They should have let Espella kill herself
- HOLY SHIT THE CHARACTER NAMED "DARKLAW" IS THE REAL BAD GUY
- HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING
- "I have an incurable disease OW8 NEVERMIND THERE IS A CURE" (I'm not exaggerating, the point is brought up and dismissed THAT quickly)
- The entire ending section undermines the whole game and makes it make no sense
- How did Phoenix, Maya, Layton, and Luke end up in Labyrinthia?
- How did the statues in London move and throw a car into a tree?
- How did the witch fly and shit in London?
- If it was the machinery, how did they convince the people of London that they couldn't see pure black, and erect all that machinery that quickly?
- The game would have been MUCH better if magic were real
- Or even if the game ended after "oh it was just a government experiment"

In spite of the story, this game is exactly what both series needed. The oftentimes repetitive Layton gameplay is broken up by Phoenix's court segments, and those court segments are much more interesting with the new mechanics (group cross-examinations being the biggest one). Not to mention the fact that the characters actually interact with evidence, rather than just having the standard pre-canned animations. It worked great when it was 2D sprites, but if you're going to go 3D, you've got to bring it, and not just recreate the 2D in 3D. Shame about the retarded-ass ending and retarded-ass Espella.
The chemistry between any combination of the main four characters is just perfect. Phoenix and Layton end up as a great duo that compliment eachother's strengths and weaknesses. Maya and Luke are just fun together. Phoenix and Luke support eachother very well when both have lost the person most important to them. Maya and Layton go well together, with wacky-ass Maya and gentleman-ass Layton being polar opposites that actually work.
tl;dr: Layton vs. Phoenix 2 (featuring Luke and Maya), using DD's graphics engine, written and directed by Takumi (without bullshit Layton-ass plot twists), and using all the new gameplay and evidence-interaction of this game, and with Phoenix-style investigations when you get to a crime scene, plus the ability to PRESENT YOUR FUCKING LAWYER'S BADGE

I can't give this a number rating/10



for me:
Layton-1: High Tier
Layton-2: High Tier
Layton-3: High Tier
Layton-4: DARK AGE OF THE LAW Tier



The Wolf Among Us
Telltale's episodic quicktime event simulator came out in full this year despite having started in 2013. With the new timeframe of these, I'll be writing about the episodes individually. For convenience, I'll port over my review of the first episode, too, with slight edits to make it more "current". It's worth mentioning that this is the first Telltale game I've played as it was happening, rather than after all the episodes were released.

Episode One - Faith
After 2012's The Walking Dead, Telltale Games were thrust into the limelight. This allowed them to expand their studios, and, in addition to a sequel to The Walking Dead, they were able to start The Wolf Among Us (and twenty other games). It is also based on a series of comics I never read.
Named after the George Michael classic, episode one released in October of 2013 to positive reviews. Shame it took four months for the second episode to come out.

+ The art style from The Walking Dead returns, and looks better than ever (and actually fits better in a fairy tale-based game than a zombies game)
+ The game's presentation is really well-done
+ Interesting characters and plot
+ Voice acting is very good
+ Bigby is a likable protagonist
+ Hell, none of the characters are bad
+ Handles the mostly serious tone well without it being overbearing like The Walking Dead
+ Not as much of a fucking downer as The Walking Dead
+ I'm a sucker for investigations and interrogations
- A bit too much hand-holding in investigations; the game shows you the thing you're supposed to make a mental connection to
- Action sequences are still just quicktime events
- "Toad will remember that" gave me flashbacks to disappointments past
- The character models sometimes look kind of strange (mostly the eyes)
- GODDAMMIT WHY DID YOU WHAT THE FUCK TELLTALE THAT'S WHAT
- Ending is such a perfect "BUY EPISODE TWO" hook
8.5/10

Episode Two - Smoke and Mirrors
After an impressive four-month wait for the second episode of what was supposed to be a monthly series, Telltale finally graced us with the second episode. As if that wasn't enough, the game didn't recognise the season pass on launch day, and prompted everyone to buy the episode again. The waiting game has never been more fun. But, really, the wait is worth it for all the rectalwreckage on the Telltale forums. They eventually just gave all season pass owners a free download code for the game.
Rumour has it that they panicked because the internet figured out the killer early, and had to rewrite the entire script. Common sense tells us that this is what happens when your small studio takes on fucking four games at once. Telltale has promised more expedient updates in the future, but we'll see how that goes.

+ Interrogation has different options (violent + nonviolent) and lead to the same end with different dialogue
+ They actually managed to surprise me with the twists
+ Deepens the mystery without it becoming 2deep4me
- Seems a bit short and uneventful, even if you do find out a lot of shit
- Intro slideshow takes too long to load, is laggy, and has odd choices of what to highlight
- "NEXT TIME ON THE WOLF AMONG US" actually answered one of the questions I was most eager to find the answer to in episode three
- Ending is such a perfect "BUY EPISODE THREE" hook
7.5/10

Episode Three - A Crooked Mile
After another two-month wait, we're back. It's sort of on time this time, so hey.

+ Gren won't remember this
+ Having a bunch of places to go to choose from was neat, if inconsequential
- Short
- Bigby just fucking stares at Snow-ass White while Bloody Mary is just standing there with her fucking GUN
- Snow-ass White is getting more and more unlikable
- Ending is such a perfect "BUY EPISODE FOUR" hook
7/10

Episode Four - In Sheep's Clothing
This episode also came out on time, but I'm playing it in October. I just couldn't be bothered until now.

+ TINY TIM
+ It actually feels like you're getting shit done this time
+ Decent length, too
+ Snow-ass White somehow stopped her downward spiral into being unlikable
+ More cigarette-related choices than ever before
- Ending is such a perfect "BUY EPISODE FIVE" hook
8/10

Episode Five - Cry Wolf
I played this one the day after I finished the fourth. I'm pumped. The entire game's score rides on this, the finale.

+ Ending leaves an odd taste in your mouth without being overbearing or frustrating
+ The plot comes together in a way that works without leaving any glaring inconsistencies (especially impressive if they rewrote the entire plot)
+ You finally get to give that bitch Bloody Mary what's coming to her
- No matter what you do, you can't stop whatsherface from killing herself
- No matter what you do, Toad always has to go away (I really liked the guy)
- Intro slideshow has a few flaws and inconsistences (Bigby's bandages, Snow-ass White's shirt)
- Ending is such a perfect "dear God I hope there's a sequel" hook
8.5/10

overall
The new Telltale Games standard of "quicktime events + choices that don't really matter" works FAR better in this game than in The Walking Dead. In this game, the overall plot can't change. The culprit will always be the same. Not having to make false decisions about who lives and dies makes the game much more suited to multiple playthroughs.
If you're not going to make another Sam and Max or Monkey Island, I'd like more of this.
8.5/10



Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas HD
Out of nowhere, Rockstar announced an HD remaster of San Andreas for the game's tenth anniversary. Seeing as the PS2 version is the best game, I snatched this one up right away.
That was a mistake.

+ Cheap
+ Autosave somehow
+ Forklift controls improved
+ CJ isn't in complete darkness when he tries on clothes any more
+ Cool new interface for vehicle schools
+ Achievements don't require you to get all gold medals in flight school
- Or driving school (can't show off my skills!!!)
- I couldn't anyway, since THEY MADE IT EASIER
- A port of the iOS version
- Driving School gives "clockwise" and "counter-clockwise" mixed up
- Damaged car parts sometimes turn a completely different colour (Super GTs turn blue; Sabres turn red)
- I loaded up the game, and no matter what vehicle I got into, it would not move no matter how long I held down the gas
- I loaded up the game, and CJ started firing off his pistol, and no matter what button I pressed, he wouldn't stop
- I saved my game, and CJ wouldn't move at all and the HUD didn't appear
- No grass
- Sound is fucked up; car engine and siren noises are WAY TOO LOUD
- Sound completely cuts out sometimes during cutscenes
- MUSIC SKIPPING
- Like, a song starts and then it skips to the next song
- This is UNACCEPTABLE DOG
- Several songs cut from the soundtrack
- No Runnin' Down a Dream
- No Hellraiser
- No Express Yourself
- No Funky President
- No Killing in the Name of Love
- No You Dropped a Bomb on Me
+ No Woman to Woman
- They cut out the intro
- In Life's a Beach, the scrolling bit with the buttons you need to press to dance can just disappear, meaning you need to restart the mission
- The mission Homecoming made the game freeze twice
- Los Desperados has a fucking SHITLOAD of issues with gang recruitment and the AI following CJ
- The iOS version menus are weird and inefficient for a controller
- Pedaling a bike might as well be impossible
- Ability to target people in vehicles means you always target their vehicles over people trying to kill you
- No way to manually aim when anything than can be targeted is nearby (basically can't manually aim ever)
- The jetpack controls like complete ass
- Can't tow vehicles with tractor, making some everything-proof vehicles unobtainable
- Game will automatically make CJ climb a wall if you run into it
- The "go back in menus" button is fucking Y (fucking why)
- Fire doesn't show up sometimes
- Looks strange without the yellow daylight filter
help/10



Super Smash Bros. Kerfuffle
The fourth game in the series. You probably already know everything about it.

General:
+ Many characters feel better than they've ever felt (Link being the main example)
+ Omega versions of stages are Godsends
+ Classic voice clips like "I fight for my friends", "show me your moves", and "僕は負ける訳には行かないんだ。" still intact
- Sanic no longer says "you're too slow" or "come on step it up"
- That's bullshit, by the way
- Pointless clones (Lucina, Dark Pit, Dr. Mario)
- Lucina is in the game
- And holy shit she is a fucking BITCH
- Who even WROTE those win quotes HOLY SHIT
- Mega Man is fucking useless
- Ganondorf is still a clone of Captain Falcon
- Finding custom moves is horrible, since you usually end up getting either a move you already have or some bullshit equipment piece
- Can't use custom moves online
- They cut a bunch of great, unique characters who are actually important to their series, yet Jigglypuff came back
- WHERE THE FUCK IS LUCAS
- WHERE THE FUCK IS SNAKE
- SNAKE?!
- SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

3DS:
+ Doesn't control as horribly as you think it will
+ Smash Run is pretty neat
- Smash Run has too many Kid Icarus enemies, and they're all horrible
- Most of the new stages are absolute shit, ESPECIALLY Balloon Fight
- Stages that would otherwise be decent ruined by Godawful stage hazards, i.e. Magicant, Wily's Castle, Spirit Train
- Brinstar AGAIN
- Corneria AGAIN

Wii U:
+ The new progression for event matches is actually really cool
+ New stages are mostly great
+ Great classic stage selection, for the most part
+ All-star mode running in reverse-chronological order is a lot cooler, really
+ The Great Cave Offensive is both the best
- and the worst stage in the series
- MORE METROID STAGES WITH RISING LAVA
- Amiibo functionality is a novelty at best
- Palutena's Guidance may replace the codecs in reality, but they are no replacement to me
- Have to reunlock all the characters if you had the 3DS version
- Have to import your custom characters individually rather than as a bundle
- Importing custom characters does NOT unlock the custom moves
- Imported custom characters can NOT be edited
- Smash Tour is BAD
- It's bullshit, but not in an "OH MY GOD FUCKING HELL" way; more of a resigned acceptance that this is your life and it isn't getting any better
- You have to complete every map in Smash Tour to unlock the Pac-Land stage, and there's a second requirement that I don't know what it even is so I have to do it AGAIN

Comparing the two versions:

Roster: SAME
Stages: Wii U
Music: Wii U
Exclusive modes: 3DS
Controls: Wii U
Audio balance: Wii U
Graphics: balls

SAKURAAAAAAAAIIIIIIII/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Fri Jan 09, 2015 3:50 pm

Watch_Dogs
Everyone said this game is vastly downgraded compared to E3. I have to play it, though. I was looking forward to it, and I will always wonder what exactly was bad about it unless I rush in and just play it.
I want to like this game, but I don't.

+ YOU CAN WATCH A MOTHERFUCKING WASH CYCLE
+ Jordi is a cool dude
+ Aiden is bland, but at least he's not Connor
- Fucking 7.5 GB mandatory install (game disc says 6.7, game case says 7.5)
- And long load times after that
- LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG LOAD TIMES
- Finish load time, respawn, fail mission almost immediately due to bullshit, HUGE LONG LOAD TIME AGAIN FUCK YEAH
- Audio balance is fucked by default, since dialogue is REALLY QUIET
- In-game radio is always way too quiet, regardless of your audio settings (which is especially bad because I don't get to listen to The Good Life)
- Cars control like a bad PS2 game (like the worst PS2 game)
- Sprint is on the right trigger, which means you can't shoot gun without holding left trigger, even though there is a reticule on-screen regardless
- Game loves to misinterpert your button inputs (yes I want to leave cover to stand around getting shot at)
- This last one can't be relegated to just one bullet point; it makes the game almost unplayable
- Forced stealth segments made even worse by controls that hate you
- You will never hack the thing you want to hack
- "You want to blow up the thing you're standing on, right :^)"
- Plot goes full retard at the beginning of act 2
- "Okay I'm going to hear you out and maybe do what you want" "GOOD NOW WAIT RIGHT HERE WHILE I KIDNAP YOUR SISTER :^)"
- Your hacker friend is SUCH AN INDIVIDUAL I MEAN LOOK AT THOSE PIERCINGS AND SHAVED SIDE OF HEAD
- The QR code voice logs start off interesting, but then decide to propagand at you
- I hate being propaganded at
- The game doesn't pause if your controller's battery dies
- Three different control schemes for left-handed people but only one for right-handed people?! I AM BEING DISCRIMINATED AGAINST
- IT'S NOT MY FAULT I WAS BORN RIGHT-HANDED
- I AM HONESTLY FEELING SO TRIGGERED RIGHT NOW

I am done. I just can't put up with this game any more. The fucking terrible controls, terrible driving physics, bullshit missions, and the plot that has gone full fucking retard are just too much for me. I'm sorry.

5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Thu Jan 22, 2015 4:19 pm

Hyrule Warriors
A crossover between The Legend of Zelda and Dynasty Warriors. Dynasty Warriors with a Zelda skin, really.
Legend Mode is the main campaign. I completed this.
Adventure Mode is a bunch of challenges, ranging from easy as shit to "OH GOD WHY". I've completed around two thirds of this, acquiring all but two weapon categories, and experiencing every enemy type.

+ Link's got a fucking sweet scarf bro
+ Shitloads and shitloads of content
+ Varied and interesting cast of characters
+ The first mission where you play as Ganondorf really makes you feel like he's the most powerful fucking guy
+ Ruto's sprinting animation is actually just her swimming on dry land
+ Darunia's victory theme is Saria's Song and he dances like a motherfucker
+ Each character has their own unique set of weapons, and each weapon is a completely different playstyle
+ Agitha may not be the most practical character, but she's perfect if you just want to style on a nigga with your parasol
+ Zant is the silliest motherfucker
+ His silliness is off the charts, yo
+ So I made new charts
+ BUT IT WAS OFF THOSE CHARTS TOO
+ The spinner is the FUCKING BEST WEAPON EVER
- It's locked behind a $13 Amiibo paywall
- Despite Zant's incredible silliness (or perhaps because of it), he is utter garbage
- Only Darunia gets a unique victory theme
- The great fairy is still horrible, and the laugh does not help at all
- Some adventure mode missions are just ridiculous, which makes the game kind of grindy
- Giant bosses are annoying at best, absolutely horrible at worst
- Like, I get that Gohma and King Dodongo are classic Zelda bosses, but do I really have to fight them fucking eighty times in Adventure mode?
- The less said about The Imprisoned, the better
- The final boss (Ganon, if it wasn't obvious) is absolutely horrid

8.5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Tue Feb 24, 2015 7:21 pm

LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
The third LEGO Batman game. The second had some problems with characters' flight controls, but that was fixed in 2013's LEGO Marvel Superheroes.
This game has an Adam West Batman as a bonus level, and the Big Guy as DLC.

+ No one cared who I was until I put on the mask
+ IF I TAKE THAT OFF WILL YOU DIE
+ It would be extremely painful
+ YOU'RE A BIG GUY
+ For you
- You don't actually get to play that scene
- You don't even get to play as CIA

+ Really fucking neat intro scene
+ Citizen in Peril is replaced by Adam West in Peril
+ The game has a replica of Adam West Batman's study area, with the theme playing in the background
+ Conan O'Brien's first appearance is marked by the line "ba na na na na na na na na CONAN"
+ Robin has a "Toy Wonder"
+ Can switch Batsuits or Robinsuits fucking whenever instead of having to find a suit platform
+ The Adam West Batman bonus level is the greatest thing
- Don't get to walk up the side of a wall with a rope
- Game automatically switches suits for you sometimes (I DO NOT WANT TO MAGNET SHOES I NEED TO USE TOY WONDER)
- Game tells you what to do a bit too much in the beginning
- And does it with endlessly looping dialogue while you're just trying to collect some money to get True Hero
- Voice acting is really quiet
- Half of the cast has LASERS
- Level select globe is incredibly touchy and rarely lets me select what I want
- Load times between hubs are kind of long
- There's nothing to do on the moon; its only purpose is another looooong load time so you can actually get to the Lantern planets
- Repetitive "wander around and find thing" missions
- Story pacing is strange and it feels like there's all this build-up to the boss in the middle, then busywork, then he comes back
- Final boss fight was another "dodge attacks for an hour or so until a thing happens" fight
- How the fuck am I supposed to know to fill the RGY machine a second time with no explanation or precedent in the series
- Form-switch characters always switch to another character when you want them to transform
- Form-switch characters always transform when you want to switch to another character
- Pointless form switches (OH YES I WANT TO PLAY AS CLARK FUCKING KENT)
- Game glitched in level 8, forcing me to restart the mission (I did a thing to trigger pieces I needed to appear, but they didn't and I couldn't redo the thing)
- AI-ass Cyborg fell into an area he couldn't get out of, and blocked me from completing level 10 (had to restart)
- DLC levels are low-effort and overpriced (they're similar to LEGO Marvel's bonus missions, but with less charm and also you have to pay extra money)

LEGO Marvel was just a better game. Better hub, more missions, and far less redundancy in the character selection. Less lasers, basically. For everything this game improved on over LEGO Marvel, it did two things worse.

7.5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Mon Apr 06, 2015 5:26 pm

Assassin's Creed: Rogue
Of the two big AC games that came out this year (in the same month, no less), this is supposed to be the better one. ACUnity was only for PS4, Xbone, and PC, and ACRogue was only for 360 and PS3 (PC release later on, I think). Unity was notoriously buggy (so much that people who bought the game before a certain date got the season pass for free, and people who bought the season pass before that date got a whole [probably old and cheap] game for free), but I heard very little about Rogue.
Rogue is once again set in the Americas. Like Black Flag, it is a pirate game. Black Flag was the best AC game since AC2, so I have medium-high hopes for this one.
[As a note:
1: Assassin's Creed II
2: Assassin's Creed: Rogue
3: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag
4: Assassin's Creed: Revelations
POWER GAP
5: Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood
6: Assassin's Creed
...
...
9,001: Assassin's Creed III
9,002: Watch_Dogs
(I honestly HONESTLY thought that there wouldn't be a worse Ubisoft game than AC3, but Watch_Dogs was just a mess; at least AC3 had a handful of good parts)]
Somehow I have the limited edition of this game. This means I get exclusive weapons and items, plus a bonus mission. And according to this, if I register for Uplay, I can conectate con tus amigos y comparte tus logros!

+ You can actually explore the island your start on right off the bat with no tutorial-ass railroading
+ I mean, holy shit, is this Bizarro's Creed?
+ The Adewale fight was neat, especially the back and forth between him and Haytham
+ Assassin Interceptions are really neat
+ Creative landscaping
- Uplay
- I sure do love running up things pointlessly when I'm chasing a guy
- Game doesn't pause when controller dies
- Game DOESN'T pause when controller dies
- GAME DOESN'T PAUSE WHEN CONTROLLER DIES
- THE FUCKING GAME DOESN'T PAUSE WHEN THE CONTROLLER DIES
- THE FUCKING GAME FUCKING DOESN'T FUCKING PAUSE WHEN THE FUCKING CONTROLLER FUCKING DIES
- FUCK

8.5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Tue May 19, 2015 8:27 pm

Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor
Working title: Ranger's Creed: Shadow of Arkham
Made in collaboration with Agora Games.

Get the Xbone/PS4 version if you want this game. The 360 struggles to play this for whatever reason.
This was GameSpot's 2014 game of the year, which I find surprising. It's very good, but it's not amazing or anything. Maybe because the gameplay is completely unoriginal in every possible way.

+ Assassin's Creed climbing with better combat (even if it is lifted directly from Arkham City)
+ "Legend" missions are pretty fun
+ Protagonist isn't Edgy McDark like he was implied to be when the game was revealed
+ Your dwarf buddy is pretty cool
+ Warchief/Captain thing is a really neat idea
- But some of them are, like, completely invincible for some reason?
- Fight against The Tower was too short and didn't really make me feel like I did anything
- Gollum doesn't serve any story purpose other than to yell "THIS IS A THE LORD OF THE RINGS GAME"
- A lot of missions make you just follow a guy around for ten minutes
- My guy got stuck on the corner of a ledge and couldn't move
- Pretty bad texture pop-in
- Weirdly long load times when transitioning from pause menu/map to gameplay
- LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG load times
- Dialogue cuts out at times (subtitles still show, though, and it can be fixed by pausing the game and unpausing)
- One time, I booted up the game and none of the Uruk-Hai's dialogue played at all
- Riding caragors in the second map causes a lot of glitches, most notably getting trapped under the level
- THE FINAL BOSS IS A QUICKTIME EVENT
- THE FINAL FUCKING BOSS IS A FUCKING QUICKTIME EVENT
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
- I HATE YOU YOU FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT
- HOW CAN YOU FUCK UP SO BAD

6.5/10, would have been 8/10 or 8.5/10 if not for quicktime event-ass final boss
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:01 pm

Pokémon AlphaSapphire
The long-awaited remakes of the Hoenn games. IGN says that there is too much water, and are obviously Team Magma sympathisers.
Since it's Gen VI, it's in 3D and Pikachu actually says "Pika" when it enters the fray.

Also, there is a man who worked on this game named "Stefan Dickhardt". Big round of applause for that man. I don't think I could have made it through elementary school without killing myself with the name "Stefan".

+ BRILLIANT opening, using RSE sprites
+ The Pokedex is shaped like a GBA
+ Can bike through super-tall grass
+ Can fly to routes
+ Being able to fly on Latias/Latios with a key item completely ELIMINATES the need for the Fly HM
+ THAT SHIT IS FUCKING AMAZING (shame it's probably never going to come back)
+ Flying around Hoenn at night is so nice
+ Your model actually wears the Go-Goggles and Devon Scope when you use them, and wears scuba gear underwater
+ I love the way the stars reflect in puddles and ponds (even if it is just a static graphic)
+ Brendan fully-evolves his starter (and is a much more fleshed-out character besides)
+ You can find Feebas by fishing anywhere on Route 119, no more stupid bullshit to go through
+ Flash caves are just dim and not pitch-black
+ TRUMPETS
+ THE GAME REMEMBERS WHO YOU USED TO DEFEAT EACH IMPORTANT CHARACTER'S LAST Pokémon AND SHOWS IT DURING THE CREDITS
+ I FUCKING LOVE POINTLESS SHIT LIKE THAT
+ AND IT REMEMBERS IF YOU WERE MEGA EVOLVED OR NOT
+ Does sort of make me wish I'd beaten Steven's Mega Metagross with Mega Sceptile, though
+ Birch's post-game escapades are pretty great
+ Ace Trainers can be found surfing on Pokémon now
+ Ninja Boys' tree cutouts are pretty fucking sweet
+ Archie's new design is a 10/10
+ Team Aqua in general looks great, as well as Team Magma's grunts
+ Team Aqua's base looks GREAT now; less industrial, more piratey
+ May's redesign is pretty great
+ Even WALLY wants some of that May puss
- The Wally twist is ruined because it doesn't come out of nowhere any more
- Why is Brendan brown (maybe to accentuate that winning smile)
- Zinnia is the single most annoying character in any Pokémon game, the definition of a Mary Sue
- The fact that she was actually right all along only makes it worse
- WHY DOESN'T MAY JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HER
- Can't post screenshots to Miiverse
- Object limit in the secret base (what am I supposed to do with all these chairs now)
- Can't sell secret base items
- The artificial limit on sending shit from the demo to the full version is fucking stupid (I have to send shit every day for a week to get everything)
- Still fucking FIFTY HMs
- Seeing Ralts's eyes is kind of creepy
- Grovyle looks kind of stupid in 3D
- Why is Muk flipping me off
- Rayquaza is a lot smaller than I thought he'd be
- "Pokémon with rare moves" tend to get the rare move over their sole attacking move early on (shit yeah Lotad with no attacks)
- Herd of Beautifly look like they're having seizures rather than flapping their wings
- What the FUCK happened to Mauville City
- Still two bikes
- Have to harvest berries from the front for no reason
- The Bug Maniacs look like they are going to rape me
- Fairy Tale Girls are still really creepy
- Female Swimmers look like they've had a stroke
- Wallace is creeping me out with his constant bedroom eyes
- Drake is looking a bit thin (anorexic)
- Contests are still as "I don't know what the FUCK I'm doing" as ever
- Contest lady is annoying
- No old people in the hot springs
- AUTOMATICALLY GET BROUGHT BACK TO MAUVILLE AFTER NORMAN
- CAN'T TALK TO FRIEND BEFORE EXITING GYM
- HAVE to take Latias/Latios with you when you meet them, forcing one of your Pokémon back to the PC if you have a full team
- GEE THROWING BALLS AT KYOGRE FOR AN HOUR IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUN
- AND WATCHING THAT PRIMAL REVERSION CUTSCENE AGAIN AND AGAIN? FUCKING AMAZING
- Automatically get brought back to Fallarbour Town from Meteor Falls when all I want to do is battle the trainers on Route 115

I want to expand on that last point a bit. Hoenn, as a region, is full of backtracking. However, the way this was done in RSE was actually kind of brilliant.
So you meet Team Magma/Aqua and naturally continue through the cave onto Route 115. You jump down the ledge, and FUCK, you're back in Rustboro. So you go back to the dock, but Mr. Briney isn't there. So you think about how to get back to where you were, and you find/remember the Rustboro Tunnel, where you break the boulder, get Strength, and then go all the way back to Fallarbour. However, then is when you see Team Whatever isn't in front of the rail car any more, and hop in and continue the plot.
The entire section was created in just such a way that you got through everything you needed to do. Granted, since Brendan now gives you Strength, the Rustboro Tunnel isn't necessary, and thus, the entire section is cut out, especially since Brendan offers to take you back to Mauville.

Now let's compare this game to the other remakes by comparing the remakes to the originals (not counting gameplay improvements from the generation as a whole):
+ means added content, based on Red/Blue, Crystal, and Emerald
- means removed content, based on Red/Blue, Crystal, and Emerald
? means a feature was outright replaced
(Yellow doesn't count due to being an anime game, glitches like Missingno. also don't count)

FireRed/LeafGreen
+ Sevii Islands quest, both after Blaine and post-game
+ Improved Elite Four/Champion teams post-Sevii Islands
+ Gen II Pokémon available in post-game
+ Evolutions of Gen I Pokémon introduced in Gen II available post-game (aside from Espeon/Umbreon)
+ Battle Tower
+ Breeding

HeartGold/SoulSilver
+ Safari Zone, featuring Gen III/IV Pokémon
+ Improved Elite Four/Champion teams post-Kanto
+ Gym Leader rematches
+ Pokémon follow you around
+ Pokeathlon
+ Evolutions of Gen II Pokémon introduced in Gen IV available as soon as you can meet the requirements
+ Can obtain Kanto and Hoenn starters post-game
+ Battle Frontier
? Game Corner replaced with Voltorb Flip

OmegaRuby/AlphaSapphire
+ Delta Episode where you can catch Deoxys
+ Improved Elite Four/Champion teams post-Delta Episode (also Wally)
+ Mega Evolutions/Primal Reversions
+ Evolutions of Gen III Pokémon introduced in Gen IV available
+ Day/Night cycle
+ Can fly around Hoenn on Latios/Latias
+ Mirage Spots allow you to catch non-native Hoenn Pokémon
+ Can get Pokémon with Hidden Abilities/non-standard movesets by finding them on routes and sneaking up on them
+ Mauville City has restaurants where you can participate in battles, as in X/Y
+ Some weird post-game island with recurring trainers you can battle
+ Can obtain Sinnoh and Unova starters post-game (as well as the Johto starter you could get in Emerald)
? Safari Zone completely overhauled to the point where it isn't really even a Safari Zone
- Game Corner
- Battle Frontier
- Gym Leader teams simplified to be more like R/S than Emerald
- Insane requirements to get Feebas (THANK GOD)

So I'd say it's a really good remake. I was never really into the Battle Frontier, however.

As far as difficulty, while some of the gyms were harder than X/Y, the E4 was even more of a joke. I swept all four, and only lost two Pokémon to Steven's Mega Metagross (Mega Gardevoir and Glalie).

9/10

Main game team:
Sceptile 67
Gardevoir 61
Glalie 64
Salamence 61
Wailord 61
Sawk 63
I also used a Talonflame as a filler man before I evolved Salamence.

The Treecko line experience is MUCH better in Gen VI. Rather than being stuck with just Absorb (and Bullet Seed if you used the TM) until halfway through Grovyle, you get Mega Drain, and eventually Giga Drain if you don't evolve your Treecko until late. Mega Sceptile being part Dragon is neat, but he really needs a better STAB move than Dual Chop.

The Ralts line benefits from the new Fairy type, with Draining Kiss and Dazzling Gleam helping it take out Dark-types. It's also not weak to Dark any more, which is nice. Ralts learning Confusion earlier is also great.

I transferred Glalie over from the "Special Demo Version", and he came complete with his Mega Stone. I think I might like Glalie better than Froslass, honestly.

I caught Bagon in X and transferred him over via Pokémon Bank. He didn't really get to do much, but that's what the Delta Episode is for, I suppose.

Wailord is really neat, and surprisingly outsped pretty much everyone he fought. Great as far as pure Water goes.

Sawk is probably the best pure Fighting Pokémon I've ever used. I also transferred him over from X, and he was super-great.

Talonflame was disappointing. Poor movepool, mostly.

Delta Episode team:
Rayquaza 70 (required)
Sceptile 71
Gardevoir 65
Salamence 66 (boxed for Rayquaza at the last second)
Lopunny 46
Aggron 47
Sharpedo 46

Second runthrough of Elite Four:
Sceptile 78
Gardevoir 73
Aggron 57
Sharpedo 55
Lopunny 58
Camerupt 38

After grinding up the new guys, here are my thoughts:

Mega Salamence is rad as fuck.

Mega Sharpedo's ability really meshes well with the large amount of "Fang" moves it learns.

Mega Lopunny is apparently the fastest Fighting-type in the series. The Scrappy ability is pretty good for, like, Froslass, but not much else (Honedge?).

Mega Aggron is a bit disappointing. I was hoping he'd be more offensively-oriented than he was. I'm not sure about the decision to make him pure Steel, either. He's still great for taking out Fairies, however.

Mega Camerupt isn't going to get rated since there's very little to do after the Delta Episode and second run of the Elite Four.
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Tue Jun 23, 2015 8:56 pm

Far Cry 4
The sequel to 2013's Far Cry 3, which was the only one I've played (along with Blood Dragon). This one's got elephants.

+ ELEPHANTS
+ RIDABLE ELEPHANTS
+ Mission name and title graphics are really neat
+ Better main villains than FC3
+ Min is actually likable as a villain
+ Yuma's boss fight is pretty neat
+ HURK
+ Sweet alternate ending
- Have to watch the opening scene again after you get it to be able to actually play the game
- Still have to earn the ability to carry a second gun (and you can't hold much ammo so GOOD LUCK)
- Horrific pop-in when using the mini-copter (ENEMIES popping in when they're right in front of you)
- Rabi Ray Rana calls you during cutscenes, talking over important shit
- Shangri-La is pretentious bullshit
- Escape from the prison is pretentious bullshit
- Yuma is a horrible character
- Moral choices are RIDICULOUSLY one-sided
- Taking outposts and fortresses can get frustrating
- GAME DOESN'T PAUSE WHEN YOUR CONTROLLER DIES
- IT'S 2014 WHY THE FUCK IS THIS STILL AN ISSUE

7.5/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Wed Sep 02, 2015 5:38 pm

One last one of these before I'm done talking about last year.

South Park: The Stick of Truth
I know, licensed games, right? This one here is made by Obsidian, which automatically makes it great.
The game itself is essentially a spiritual successor to the Paper Mario series, with a similar "action commands"-based turn-based combat system. Partner characters have special abilities that can be used both in battle and on the field.

Apparently, more people sided with Kyle than Cartman on the second day, which is fucking bullshit. Cartman's side has, like, all the best characters.

+ Jokes are mostly spot-on
+ Your first partner character is the best South Park character
+ Kenny's special attacks end with him dying if you miss the prompt
+ You get to select your class from Thief, Fighter, Mage, and Jew
+ The entire Canada segment was 10/10 GOAT
+ The achievement for befriending half of South Park is called "More Popular Than Jesus"
+ The achievement for befriending all of South Park is called "More Popular Than John Lennon"
+ The way friends write on your Facebook wall periodically is neat + the source of some great jokes
+ Santa's appearance was 10/10
+ You can collect all the Chinpokomon
- You cannot complete the Primary Main Objective
- Can't turn controller vibration off (luckily, the game pauses when your controller dies, making this the best Ubisoft game by default)
- The fart ability is pretty useless in battle, since the only way to regain Mana is via item
- The Lost Woods are annoying
- The abortion minigame is TERRIBLE and the controls do not work (90% of my game overs were due to the fucking thing)
- The checkpoint system could be better (I love having to redisguise myself every time I fail at giving Randy an abortion)
- The final boss is a bit underwhelming
- The final scene where your character finally speaks for the first time was underwhelming as fuck

This is a game that lives and dies by its sense of humour, and, thankfully, the vast majority of it is great. Add to that the fact that it's the Paper Mario 3 we never got, and it's one of the best games of 2014. Can't wait for the sequel, even if it's not being made by Obsidian.

9/10
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Sat Sep 05, 2015 3:08 pm

Hurry up and get to 2015, sempai. The Phantom Pain and Witcher 3 are GOAT
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PostSubject: Re: game of the year 2014   Mon Mar 28, 2016 11:56 pm

usually i don't post these more than a year after the year in question, but i'll make an exception this time around
and probably a lot of other times later




Assassin's Creed: Unity
The 2987492nd Assassin's Creed game. This one was plagued with bugs upon release, but apparently they've ironed all that out. However, the buggy release was a blessing in disguise, as we now get the Dead Kings DLC for free. Sucks to be an early adopter, but I'm not one of those, so I won in the end.

If you're sick of Assassin's Creed (and I wouldn't blame you), this game will do nothing to sway you a different way. It's an improvement on the formula, but it's still pretty much the same game we've been playing for almost a decade now.

This one takes place in revolution-era France. It came out in 2014 on PC, PS4, and Xbone, and was released alongside Rogue, for PS3 and 360. The ending of Rogue and the beginning of Unity are the same scene from two different perspectives, which is neat as fuck. I'd DEFINITELY recommend playing Rogue first.
The combat in this game is a lot more challenging than before, where you could do it in your sleep. The trick this time is to spam smoke bombs in big battles for free kills.

Order to play the series in:
 

+ The limited edition is apparently not limited at all, since I snagged it at Walmart a year after release
+ The environments look amazing, and the panoramic view from viewpoints is always impressive
+ Bloodsplatter appears on walls when you kill a guy
+ A lot of interiors you can run through seamlessly
+ The best maps and buildings for climbing since AC2
+ They fixed the climbing controls after fucking everything up in AC3, and they actually made it BETTER than ever before (there's a button to help climb DOWN things)
+ Protagonist is an Ezio clone, which is fine by me
+ You can customise your assassin getup with different hoods, bracers, pants, and jackets (which increase stats, naturally)
+ You can select from a few different colour schemes for your assassin getup right away, no money down (which is good because I didn't like the default much)
+ Spears and heavy weapons are back
+ Helix Rifts are neato despite sounding lame as fuck
+ Dream sequence initiation was really neat and actually pretty fun
+ The main assassinations have optional objectives and different routes you can take (cause a distraction or don't; it's up to you)
+ MURDER MYSTERY SIDE MISSIONS
+ Investigate the crime scene, question witnesses, find clues, follow leads, find the real murderer (love that shit)
- Murder mysteries aren't revealed on your map until you stumble upon them, which might never happen
- I question a guy and he starts talking and then two other people start talking and I can't hear any of them and I certainly can't relisten to the dialogue
- I ACCUSED THE WRONG GUY BECAUSE THE GAME MADE THREE PEOPLE TALK AT ME AT ONCE AND I COULDN'T PARSE TWO SEPARATE CONVERSATIONS
- They have a "review the clues/testimony" screen, but of course the VERY IMPORTANT information that the guy was the girl's brother isn't on there
- One murder mystery has a clue location hidden away in a random building not marked on the map, and one of the clues is in a level 3 locked chest I couldn't pick
- One murder mystery has a clue location in a building I cannot find an entrance to at all (good job the answer is obvious without that one)
- The insane asylum murder mystery doesn't have enough clues; I still thought around five different people still could have done it
- The cooldown timer on eagle vision is straight-up wack (murder mysteries require you to constantly look around in eagle vision, but LMFAO COOLDOWNS BRO)
- Have to wait until AFTER the first scene to get into the options menu and turn on subtitles (HOPE YOU'RE NOT DEAF)
- You have to buy skills that were standard in previous games (dual assassinations, the ability to shoot guns, the ability to pick locks, etc.)
- "LORE UNLOCKED" pop-ups block important mission information from view and you have to wait forever for them to fuck off (this eats up a lot of time)
- FUCK Nostradamus Enigmas
- Run around with no direction around this huge-ass city and wait for your eagle vision to recharge so you can see your objective maybe possibly
- Follow these riddles! HOPE YOU KNOW THE NAME OF EVERY FRENCH LANDMARK IN EXISTENCE :^) :^) :^)
- Uplay
- Spears and heavy weapons are pretty much just worse than regular-ass swords of equivalent price (range doesn't matter but speed does)
- Still full of modern-day bullshit no one cares about
- You just bought the new Abstergo game and you're playing it and all of a sudden some loony chick comes on your screen and is like "help me save the world"
- Why would "you" even go along with Bishop's bullshit; she sounds like a complete loony conspiracy theorist
- No option to say "no fuck off" when they ask for your help
- Bishop says "we're going to have to pull the plug on this one" if you wait at the "press A to be a terrorist" screen but she never fucking does
- PULLING YOU OUT OF THE GAME YOU WANT TO BE PLAYING IN ORDER TO DO BORING CONSPIRACY THEORY BULLSHIT IS 10/10 GAME DESIGN
- In the first mission, it is entirely possible to go the wrong way and get stuck, since the game won't let you drop to the ground and start over (or die)
- No option in the second mission to just listen to your father and wait in the hall like a good little boy
- Follows up the poignant moment in sequence 7 with "O BTW ABSTERGO'S FOUND US :^)" giving you no time to reflect on what's happened
- Seriously, fuck you
- Predictable ending death of girl

7.5/10
It's an Assassin's Creed game.

Dead Kings:
The expansion for Unity, for the low, low price of free.

+ Free
+ Pretty good missions
+ Pays out big bucks if you still need to buy some top-rank armour/weapons
+ Brings back the spirit of the Boston Underground missions from AC3 (aka the only good part of that game)
- Poor opening that doesn't really explain why we're doing what we're doing
- Poor ending that doesn't really explain why we did what we did
- The one "co-op" mission lasts forever and I failed right at the end and had to do most of it over again
- Puzzles that require knowledge not given in-game (God help you if you're a non-Christian without internet)

7/10
It's an Assassin's Creed DLC.
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