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HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK

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HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK
 
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 One Thing Leads to Another (2013)

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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 000: Prologue [N/A]
"wake up fag" A man with a pretty funny (but not too funny) moustache hits Jakey in the head with a plank of wood. "woah deja vu" "my name is chuck; give me the diamonds filthy canadian pig" "NEVER" Chuck breaks the wooden plank over Jakey's head. "this seems really familiar" "no" "fuck" A man wearing nothing but a t-shirt that says "Ron Paul 2012" and has a single hole in it, as well as his trademark cowboy hat, swings from a rope and kicks Chuck in the head. "ow quit it" "no" "fuck" The man backflips off the rope, landing on two guards. "seriously i'm getting this weird feeling of deja vu" "you should probably lay off the drugs jakey" "NEVER" Sheriff Antony pulls his twin revolvers out from under his "Ron Paul 2012" t-shirt. Sheriff Antony fires at Chuck, who dives beneath a desk and grabs his Desert Eagle. "hey check this out" Chuck fires a bullet at a pipe. The bullet bounces off and hits Sheriff Antony right in his autographed "Ron Paul 2012" t-shirt. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER" Two guards emerge from doors on either side of the boat. Jakey lifts up the chair he's tied to, and headbutts the guard on the right into the wall, causing his knife to dislodge from its holster, cutting the rope on Jakey's right hand. Jakey grabs the guard's falling M4 and points it at the desk Chuck is hiding behind. Meanwhile, Sheriff Antony backflips over the guard on the left, and grabs his neck in the crook of his arm. Chuck sweats. "hey i have an idea" Chuck chucks his gun at the ceiling, hitting a secret button, which opens a trap door underneath him. Chuck giggles with delight as he falls down the shaft to his personal speedboat. "welp" "i will have my revenge" Sheriff Antony looks down at the second bullet hole in his autographed "Ron Paul 2012" t-shirt. "it's only a matter of time" Michelle rapels down the rope attached to the top of the ship. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/all of the stuff you have on your 'A Thing', 'Nothing', and 'Anything' save files/Sheriff Antony missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 001: The Best Policy [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey i'll be completely honest; i only prepare one thing for you to imbibe each year, and i don't have anything for you right now, seeing as how it is still 2013 some uh how" "that guy is getting way more ambitious" "maybe he just lost track of time and decided to make sure he had attacked you this year" "oh like last year when you hosted a second 2012 annual poetry slam after that bad concussion you got during the van prank case" "exactly; that was one prank that went too far" Michelle attempts to salt her food, but the cap falls off and the whole shaker spills all over her cake. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/absolutely nothing]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 002: Same as it Ever Was [Sheriff Antony]
"all right jakey; professor eif has given me a call about some sort of thing he needs help with and, as usual, we have to go and help him" "honestly, the consistency is comforting" Jakey and Sheriff Antony hop into The Motherfucker and head out for Professor Eif's laboratory. "yo we're here dog" "great you came just in time to help me reorganise my extensive collection of scientific textbooks" Jakey looks upward at the shelf, noticing that it must be at least thrice his height, and Jakey has above-average height for a caucasian Canadian adult male. The width is at least five times Jakey's height, and from where Jakey's standing, he can't see any gaps between the books, meaning that there's 540 square feet of books to be rearranged. While Professor Eif explains to Sheriff Antony the importance of this endeavour and his research, Jakey quietly and subtly sprints full-tilt out the door, hops in The Motherfucker, and burns rubber as far away from the laboratory as he can get. He doesn't look back until he reaches the safety of the Alabama National Athletics League, where Michelle is waiting, holding a stack of books at least thrice as tall as she is, and Michelle has above-average height for a caucasian Canadian adult female. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Professor Eif missions/Alabama National Athletics League missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 003: Thank You for Bein' a Friend [Sheriff Antony]
"hey jakey i just wanted to thank you for DITCHING ME back there; i had to make up my own excuse to leave immediately" "all's well that ends well though right" Sheriff Antony stares holes through Jakey. "so how did you get out" "i planted illegal contraband on professor eif's person and arrested him" "smooth" "he said he was just holding it for someone though so i don't know if the charges will stick" "damn he's good" "well you don't get to be a professor of windology for nothing" "so you going to go see him or ransack his office" "why not both" "i like the way you think" Michelle walks out of the kitchen holding a bowl of ice cream. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/windology jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 004: Travelled Down the Road and Back Again [Professor Eif]
"helloooo professor eif you still in jail?" Jakey receives no answer. "all right; time to get down to business" Jakey ransacks the fuck out of Professor Eif's office, starting with the desk. "dude his top desk drawer is filled with candy" Jakey looks from side-to-side and scoops all the candy into his sack, aside from the malted milk balls, which he leaves behind. "he can keep those" Jakey then knocks down Professor Eif's portrait and breaks into the safe, which is filled with still more candy. "it's like halloween, only without the scary monsters" Jakey sweeps all of that candy into his sack, and then heads for the mini-fridge, which is filled with money and gold bars. "i was hoping for more candy, but this will do nicely" Jakey takes out a second sack and puts all the money and gold bars into it, then sneaks back out the window, where he is greeted by Kathy. Jakey sighs, as he knows what comes next, and pulls out both the largest gold bar and a Kit-Kat. "i'll give you these if you keep quiet" "deal" Kathy takes her prizes and heads back to her post. Michelle approaches next, and Jakey sighs and gives her the second-largest gold bar and a Hershey's Cookies and Cream bar. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/$75,000,000/a shitload of candy]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 005: Your Heart is True [Professor Eif]
"yo professor eif how's prison" "oh it's great i have been having scintillating intellectual conversations with my cellmates - meatball, golf cart, and adam sandler" "what's adam sandler in for" "grown-ups 2" "oh right; i had repressed the memory" "it is important that we never forget the sins of the past jakey; those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it" "can't wait for grown-ups 3" "i've already got my ticket" Michelle runs a cup along the bars of the cell. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Adam Sandler missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 006: You're a Pal and a Confidant [Alabama National Athletics League]
"all right men; viewership of our third-most popular sport, steroidsball, has been on the decline ever since the record-setting player reggie stocker was revealed to NOT be using steroids" "arrrrgh a more despicable man i not be knowin' cap'n" "regardless, people have begun to lose faith in their heroes; faith that even the most average of joes can fulfill their dreams with performance-enhancing drugs" "arrrrrgh what if we be forcin' the players to be injectin' themselves in front of the crowd cap'n" "by the time the crowds get to the games, they're already too drunk to care about or notice the players injecting themselves" "arrrrrgh well the most effective tactic probably be to be makin' an example out of this stocker guy cap'n" "firing squad or lynching" "arrrrrgh why not be havin' the firing squad be shootin' at him while he be hangin' from the gallows cap'n" "excellent idea ceruleanbeard; you get a star on the 'good employee' chart" "arrrrrrgh hooray cap'n" Jakey sticks a sticker on Ceruleanbeard's section of the 'good employee' chart, shaking up the 'good employee' leaderboards. Magentabeard is still comfortably in fourth, but Kathy is pushed down to third due to Ceruleanbeard's climb in the rankings. First place, of course, belongs to Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/steroidsball jersey]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm

Mission 007: Business as Usual [Alabama National Athletics League]
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOWN TO THIRD ON THE GOOD EMPLOYEE CHART" "calm down kathy" "THIS IS NOT A CALM SITUATION JAKEY; I AM DEFINITELY THE SECOND-BEST EMPLOYEE HERE AND I DEMAND TO BE RECOGNISED AS SUCH" "well your performance lately has been falling flat; ceruleanbeard has just been eclipsing you in every possible way" "that is absolute bullshit and you know it; i've done so much uh good employee shit lately" "such as" "..." Kathy pauses to think for a moment. "okay you got me" "and with that, i have an execution to attend" Jakey heads out into the courtyard for the big execution. All of Alabama's most rich and famous socialites are in attendance, including Entrepeneur Taylor, The Great Cheryl, Sheriff Antony, and even the King Bran. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE GRANDEST EXECUTION OF THE YEAR; FOR THE HIGHEST CRIME OF DISILLUSIONING THE ALABAMANIAN PEOPLE, REGGIE STOCKER WILL BE HUNG FROM THE GALLOWS, THEN FIRED UPON BY OUR TWELVE EXPERT MARKSMEN" Jakey walks up to Reggie Stocker, who is handcuffed and standing on a chair with a noose around his neck. "any last words" "yes actually; i prepared an entire speech" Jakey kicks the chair out from under Reggie Stocker. "TOO BAD EXECUTION TIME" The twelve members of the firing squad each fire a single round, plugging Reggie Stocker with twelve separate bullets as his neck breaks. The crowd cheers loudly, popping open their champagne bottles and guzzling it all down. The party then begins in earnest, with clothing and alcoholic beverages flying around the courtyard. Michelle does a perfect kegstand then shotguns twelve beers. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Execution 2013 t-shirt/The Great Cheryl missions/Sheriff Antony missions/King Bran missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Mission 008: Silly Rabbit [Alabama National Athletics League]
"so uh jakey i've got news; whether it's good or bad will depend on which aspect of it you focus on" "oh, my favourite; news with shades of grey" "apparently the reports of reggie stocker not using steroids were falsified and he actually did use them" "who-" "the prince of wales" "THE PRINCE OF WAAAAAAAAAALES" "so this means two things: 1, alabama's sweetheart, reggie stocker, was actually innocent and alabama can be illusioned again; 2, you've killed alabama's sweetheart" "alabama's sweetheart is hans though" "then what's reggie stocker" "alabama's saltyheart?" "fine by me; either way we have three options: 1, cover this information up as hard as we can" "i like it, i like it" "2, tell the truth and own up to our mistakes" "booooo" "3, try to revive reggie stocker with black magic and/or science" "how about voodoo" "even better" "luckily for us i know someone who is way into voodoo; load reggie into the motherfucker while i make some calls" "i'm not touching that" "then have ceruleanbeard do it and he'll get the good employee star instead" "FINE I'LL DO IT" Kathy trudges out to retrieve the corpse from the gallows where it still hangs, covered in tomatoes and broken glass. Meanwhile, Jakey calls up his voodoo-loving friend. "yo deputy orange we've got a corpse you need to check out and spray your voodoo all over; we'll bring it uh over" "sweet" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker, where Kathy is holding up her hands waiting for Jakey to bleed on them to stop them from bleeding, and he obliges. "if you unload the corpse as well you'll get two stars" "joy" Jakey stomps on the gas and drives all the way to Deputy Orange's house. "okay deputy orange before we show you this guy you have to promise to keep this a secret, ESPECIALLY if it doesn't work" "i promise now show me the corpse i've got an itchy voodoo finger" Kathy brings in Reggie Stocker's corpse, and gets a second blood transfusion. "reggie stocker?! but he-" "the reports were falsified" "well uh okay then; we'll have to pick out all the shards of glass first" "kathy can do it" "good" Jakey and Deputy Orange hop on the couch and watch television while Kathy removes the shards of glass from the corpse, occasionally pausing to display her middle finger to the backs of Jakey and Deputy Orange. "all right i'm done" "all right now check this out" Deputy Orange pulls a few strands of hair out of Reggie Stocker's corpse and affixes them to a doll. "CLEAR" Deputy Orange uses the defibrilator on the doll repeatedly, reviving Reggie Stocker. "good news; you actually did take those steroids" "I TOLD YOU" "now stay with deputy orange for a few days while we break the story to the news, then you can go back to being the greatest steroidsball player in history" "ahem" "aside from michelle" Michelle nods, content with Jakey's statement. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Reggie Stocker jersey/Deputy Orange missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Mission 009: It's Too Late to Apologise [Adam Sandler]
Jakey walks past the outside window of Adam Sandler's cell. "pssst hey kid; smuggle me in some things" "i appreciate how blunt you are about this; what would you like" "i'm not picky" "well i've got a rice krispies treat on me" "that's a good place to start" Adam Sandler snatches the Rice Krispies Treat from Jakey's hand. "i'll uh run off to get more seemingly random objects that i'm sure you'll use to create some rube goldberg machine to get yourself to freedom" "thanks bro" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and visits several of his friends. From Taylor (who is still chewing a stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum), he receives a defective Detective Taylor action figure. "i couldn't sell it even if i wanted to; the head shoots corrosive acid instead of cooling air when you press the button on its back" From Gwendolyn, he receives a few metal bats she'd found on her fire escape. "the flying kind, not the kind used in steroidsball" From Stu, he receives a GameCube with its handle broken off. "without the carrying handle, the gamecube is worthless" From Grace, he receives a photocopy of an outdated Canadian Special Agency training manual. "the methods explained here are very outdated, but learning how to give milord a relaxing massage while also defending his life from rabid wolves has come in handy for us many times in the past" "true that" From his own clone, he receives thirteen broken mirrors. "91 years bad luck isn't the worst thing that's happened to me, i assure you" "most people don't even live that long; you can just break mirrors with impugnity now" "eh i'm still hoping i'll get off early on good behaviour" With these items in hand, Jakey returns to Adam Sandler. "here's a bunch of random junk" "thanks bro" Adam Sandler slips a fiver through the bars. "sweet" Michelle also drops off a bunch of seemingly random bullshit, including a used car scent air freshener, a remote-controlled crane (missing the remote control), an Obnoxious Celtic Bar of Obnoxious Celtic Soap, a new-age gravedigger's training manual, and Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/$5/Gwendolyn missions/Stu missions/Special Agent Grace missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Mission 010: The Best Things in Life are Free [The Great Cheryl]
"all right jaden i have been contacted by the criminal element to magically aid them in a bank robbery" "uh-" "but i've got a better plan that requires your help; we'll split the take 50/50 what do you say" "i like this plan already" "all right so here's the deal" The Great Cheryl explains the plan in detail to Jakey, and they head to the positions to enact said plan. "All Right Robert Truckdriver Are You Ready" "Yes" "The Great Cheryl Are You Ready" "yes, ronald" "Robert" "whatever" "Okay Move" Robert Truckdriver 651 blows the door to the vault, disabling the magic-proof barrier and allowing The Great Cheryl to magic away the money to an off-shore bank account. "ALL RIGHT NOBODY MOVE" "It's The Cops" "One Cop" "Either Way We'd Better Get Moving" "I SAID NOBODY MOVE" Jakey pops one round in each of the four Robert Truckdriver kneecaps present. "MY MONEY" Kathy runs into the vault and begins sobbing. "WHO DID THIS TO MY BABIES" Jakey points to Robert Truckdrivers 651 and 567. "YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" Kathy runs over to the bleeding Robert Truckdriver clones and stomps on them repeatedly. "JAKEY YOU HAVE TO GET BACK MY MONEY" "they burned it though" "WHAT" Kathy grabs Jakey's gun and pops all of its remaining rounds into the Robert Truckdriver clones, who have had their memories erased by The Great Cheryl. "YOU ARE WORSE THAN HITLER" Jakey grabs the discarded gun and slowly backs away until out of earshot, then runs away as fast as he can, plowing Michelle right over. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/bank vault jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Mission 011: But You Can Leave Them for the Birds and Bees [The Great Cheryl]
"jesse we've got a problem" "yeah, it's that you can never remember my name" "stop being so self-centred jason; this is bigger than a name" "that's rich" "okay jeffrey; that girl karen who owned the bank has hired me to magically revive her money; i tried to magically wipe her memory but it didn't work because she's too attached to the money" "where is she now" "i sent her to the store to pick up some soap to stall for time" "so-" "i had a plan; how about we rob a second bank to pay katie" "no dice; kathy has memorised the serial numbers of every bill" "goddamn that's dedication" "there's no way out of this except to 1: return the money or 2: kill kathy" The Great Cheryl conjures a knife. "i was joking about that second one" "it was your best idea though" "in terms of effectiveness, sure, but-" Kathy bursts through the door holding several dozens of pounds of soap in her arm. "I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF SOAP YOU NEEDED SO I JUST GRABBED ALL OF IT" "well uh unfortunately this is too much soap; it is wreaking havoc with my magic" Kathy hucks most of the soap out the window, shattering the glass. "oh for fuck's sake" The Great Cheryl magically repairs the window. "OKAY NOW TO THE IMPORTANT PART" "yes" The Great Cheryl stabs Kathy in the heart, killing her instantly. "WHAT THE FUCK" "it had to be done" "i-" "listen if we had given her back the money, she'd have killed us" "i-" "don't worry; i know exactly how to revive someone, and i can remove her memory of the serial numbers of the bills while i'm at it, then give her money from another bank; i'll even throw in a free boob job" "i like this plan" "i'll just have my other assistant handle the body" The Great Cheryl claps twice, and Michelle comes out to put Kathy's body in the revival tube. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/pile of soap appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Mission 012: Mechanical Machinations [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey what the fuck" "what" "did you give adam sandler all this contraband" "well not ALL of it" "HE IS USING YOUR MATERIALS TO CREATE GROWN-UPS 3 AS WE SPEAK" "listen, sometimes even we cannot stop the greatest of tragedies; it is best sometimes to just pick ourselves up and move on" "we could always, like, kill him" "do you know what happened to the last guy who tried to kill adam sandler" "n-no" "he shoots at adam sandler's head, and adam sandler catches the bullet in his teeth, then spits it back at the guy" "uh-" "the bullet reaches terminal velocity and splits into a hundred, filling the man with lead" "i-" "then the corpse catches fire and burns down to nothing, leaving only a copy of grown-ups 2 behind" "so what if we just use a knife" "i'm not willing to risk it; if adam sandler tells you to jump, you don't stop to ask how high you just fucking do it" The room grows silent. The silence is only broken when Michelle steps on a rake and yelps in pain, her nose broken and bloody. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Grown-Ups 2 t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Mission 013: Rage in the C-C-C-Cage [King Bran]
"jakey the big C-C-C-CAGE MATCH is tonight between 'iron jeff' mahogany and obnoxious celtic 'obnoxious celtic guardian' guardian" "so who've you got your money on" "obnoxious celtic guardian, naturally" "i don't know; obnoxious celtic guardian does really well in obnoxious celtic tag-team matches, but he has yet to prove himself in obnoxious celtic one-on-ones, and obnoxious c-c-c-celtic C-C-C-CAGE MATCHes are the most grueling of all obnoxious celtic one-on-ones" "that is why i want you to go to the locker room and meet with emelyn to sabotage 'iron jeff' mahogany" "sabotage is my middle name" "i thought it was cole" "oh right" Jakey heads down to the locker room and meets up with Emelyn. "all right jakey my plan is to pour itching powder into iron jeff's iron jockstrap" "that's just cruel; i was going to make his girlfriend leave him and maybe run over his dog" "i don't condone violence against dogs" "okay, how about we run over his girlfriend and make his dog leave him" "that sounds like a plan to me" Jakey and Emelyn hop into The Motherfucker and turn it into a motorcycle. Jakey ramps up into the stadium and lands right on top of Iron Jeff's girlfriend, then punches it, killing her painfully. Emelyn waves a t-bone steak in front of Iron Jeff's dog, Salty, and he jumps straight into Emelyn's arms. Jakey drives off into the sunset, leaving Iron Jeff brokenhearted in two separate ways. "AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, HIS HEART IS BROKEN IN HALF" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" The emotional devestation Iron Jeff feels causes him to quickly lose his fight against Obnoxious Celtic Guardian, and shortly after, attempt suicide. He is found, however, and is taken to the mental hospital to receive care and treatment. However, Iron Jeff was never a quitter, and eventually succeeds in killing himself. They said he couldn't do it, but who's laughing now? Michelle pops up out of The Motherfucker's sidecar and plays with Salty. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/C-C-C-CAGE MATCH t-shirt/Emelyn missions/Obnoxious Celtic Guardian missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Mission 014: The Thunder from Down Under [King Bran]
"jakey the big newcomer's bout is tonight between 'copper brendan' tucker and claire who is a ghost" "smart money's on claire" "indeed; all she has to do is float there and wait for copper brendan to tucker himself out" "ooh good one" "thanks; i set up this match just so i could use that one" "i really appreciate you letting me witness that one firsthand; thank you" "don't mention it" King Bran and Jakey take their seats as the match begins. Copper Brendan goes in hard and fast (as is his signature style), but tires before he can land even a single blow. "yawn" Copper Brendan collapses to the ground, defeated, and Michelle attempts to raise Claire's arm up in victory, but can't seem to grab it. She eventually gives up and stomps up to the boxseats. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/newcomer's bout t-shirt/Claire Who is a Ghost missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Mission 015: Friday Night Mega Fight [King Bran]
"okay jakey it's the big one; the one we've all been waiting for: the mega championship bout" "oh boy i'm so excited to see defending champion 'aluminum richard' taupe face off against the fighter who's climbed the ranks faster than any before; the great cheryl" "you never know what she's going to pull" "i still can't believe she trapped her last opponent, 'titanium alexander' cinnabar in the nightmare zone for all eternity" "the live feed on her website, https://www.thegreatcheryl.org/, is very entertaining, especially how titanium alexander keeps screaming in perpetuity as his eyes bleed" "and who could forget when she shoved her magic wand straight through 'palladium patrick' periwinkle, removing his heart without opening his chest cavity" "or when she completely sapped 'zinc zachary' zaffre of his will to live and watched as he hung himself in front of an audience of thousands" "and millions more at home" "yes; the great cheryl may be the greatest thing to happen to our noble sport" Jakey and King Bran take their seats in the box as the match begins. Aluminum Richard swings a mighty roundhouse at The Great Cheryl, but only hits an illusion. The real The Great Cheryl is behind Aluminum Richard, and puts her wand to the back of his head. Aluminum Richard reaches into his holster, and draws his gun, pointing it at his own temple. The Great Cheryl winks and waves at the audience, then Aluminum Richard pulls the trigger, covering the judges in blood and brains. "BAH GOD BOB THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" Michelle seems to be into it, though. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/mega championship bout t-shirt/The Great Cheryl missions]
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PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Mission 016: Sale of the Crime of the Century [Deputy Orange]
"jakey can you believe this shit; criminals have hijacked a grocery store by killing the manager" "law of the wild, i suppose" "and they've replaced all the employee of the month pictures with their own pictures" "THE FIENDS; THOSE EMPLOYEES WON THEIR RESPECTIVE MONTHS FAIR AND SQUARE" "we must put an end-" Jakey runs off, then stops and waves for Deputy Orange to follow, impatiently. The two then hop into The Motherfucker and peel out toward the grocery store. "okay so how are-" Jakey kicks open the door to the store and begins firing his gun wildly into the store, taking out two criminals and a soup display. "impressive" "i haven't even begun to impress" A criminal steps out of the chips aisle, wearing armour made entirely out of bags of Cheetos. "WATCH OUT JAKEY; HE'S DANGEROUSLY CHEESY" "OH SHIT" Jakey and Deputy Orange duck behind a register as the criminal sprays the area with M&Ms. "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO" "COVER ME" Deputy Orange lays down supressing fire as Jakey dives for the bakery, grabbing a bunch of muffins from the display cabinet and fashioning them into makeshift armour. "ALL RIGHT CRIMINAL SCUM; TRY BUSTING THROUGH THIS" Jakey runs out of the bakery, and the criminal opens fire, but the M&Ms bounce right off the stale muffins. Jakey carefully aims his shot, and pops the criminal right between the eyes. The criminal falls to the ground, landing on Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/employee of the month jacket/M&Ms jacket]
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PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Mission 017: Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey Goodbye [Deputy Orange]
"yo deputy orange what is the subject of that picture you are staring at wistfully" "oh it's a picture of me and my favourite pacman 2: the revenge of blinky arcade cabinet; i had the high score for years but then" A single tear streams down Deputy Orange's cheek. "SOME FUCKER BEAT MY HIGH SCORE" "o-oh dear" "some fucker named JAK; i hate him so much" "well uh-" "wait a minute; I KNOW WHO JAK IS" "uh-" "IT'S SO OBVIOUS; HE'S BEEN IN MY FACE THIS WHOLE TIME" "i-" "IT'S THAT FUCKER, CRAZY SVART" "i-wait what" "IT COULD ONLY BE HIM; THE ABSOLUTE SHIT" "now wait just a-" "SORRY NO TIME" Deputy Orange races out the door and spurs his horse, galloping for Crazy Svart's Used Arcade Machines. Jakey follows in The Motherfucker, and arrives just in time to see Deputy Orange's horse trample Crazy Svart. "THAT'LL TEACH HIM; HE'LL BE IN A COMA FOR AT LEAST SIX MONTHS" "wait deputy orange i was-" "I HAVE TO GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL JAKEY SOME OTHER TIME" Deputy Orange loads Crazy Svart onto his horse and giddies the fuck up. "I WAS JAK YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER" Jakey hangs his head and walks into the shop, where MCH finishes beating JAK's high score on Pacman 2: The Revenge of Blinky. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Pacman 2: The Revenge of Blinky t-shirt/Crazy Svart missions]
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Mission 018: You Could Have a Steam Train [Gwendolyn]
"jakey the new railway from boston to mojavistan is having its grand opening TONIGHT and i've got two tickets" "cool are you taking someone else or riding the train twice" "my original plan was to take you but riding the train twice is tempting" Gwendolyn holds out a ticket. "take it before i change my mind" Jakey quickly snatches his ticket and he and Gwendolyn hop into The Motherfucker and drive to the train. "ALL ABOARD" Jakey and Gwendolyn take their seats, as everyone loads onto the train. Even King Bran is present for this momentous occasion, in his own private car of course. As the last passenger enters the train, the train begins to take off for Mojavistan. Once in Mojavistan, everyone stays aboard because it's way too hot there. A few new passengers enter the train, however, one plopping down right across from Jakey and Gwendolyn. "uh hi" "hiiiiiiiii!!! i'm rachel!!! i'm coming to alabama to become an actress!!! it's my life's dream!!!" "hi rachel i like your boobs" "thank you so much!!! they were expensive but it was obviously worth it!!!" "so uh did you have any specific parts you were looking into" "no!!! but i'm sure something will pop up!!! they don't call alabama the land of movie stars for nothing!!!" "that's the first time i've heard it called that" "yeah me too" Rachel holds up her copy of this month's KathyBeat (the version of Kathy Magazine for teenagers). "well i'll be damned" "what would we ever do without kathy and her magazine lines" "i know right!!! i'd be totally lost without kathybeat!!!" "as would we all" All three passengers nod to eachother as the train reaches its final stop, Alabama Station.  Michelle makes sure everyone gets off the train all right, then returns her uniform to her locker before joining Jakey and Gwendolyn. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/KathyBeat t-shirt/KathyBeat jacket/King Bran missions/Rachel missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Mission 019: If You'd Just Lay Down Your Tracks [Gwendolyn]
"yo gwendolyn what are you up to" "playing train simulator XXL: 2014 edition" "are you winning" Gwendolyn gives Jakey a puzzled look. "i haven't lost if that's what you mean" "that's good?" "mmm oh hey look it's you and me boarding the train" "are you playing through last night's grand opening" "yeah, it's great, reliving every detail of our train ride from perspectives we couldn't see before; check it" Gwendolyn zooms in on King Bran's carriage, where he is being fed grapes by Emelyn, who is dusting the cabin with her foot. "what a talented woman" "and sheriff antony was even on the train, protecting it from those who would wish it harm, such as these wild coyotes he is slaughtering" "god bless that man" "oh and look it's your sister" Gwendolyn zooms in on the front car, where Michelle looks directly at the camera. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Train Simulator XXL t-shirt/Sheriff Antony missions]
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Mission 020: Nothing Compares to Stu [Stu]
"yo jakey check out my latest invention; the STUlle" Stu produces a single stulle. "it looks like one of those things that old people use to walk" "bonus application; the real purpose of the stulle is to sit down on it" Stu sits down on his stulle. "isn't that uncomfortable" "extremely" "why would you want one of these over a chair" "takes up less room at the bar, and most people will be too drunk to notice the discomfort" "makes sense; i'll take twenty" Jakey hands Stu his money in exchange for twenty stulles, which he loads into The Motherfucker. "luckily for you, i loaded this shit the fuck UP with stacking technology" "god bless stu you" Jakey finishes loading the stulles and Michelle into The Motherfucker. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/stulles appear at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Mission 021: Need Stu Now [Stu]
Jakey walks up to Stu's house, finding Stu sitting on the stuppe with his head in his hands. "oh jakey it's terrible; i've run out of things to invent with my name in the title" "yeah, what's the point of inventing things if your name won't be uttered every time you use said thing" "i know right" Jakey sits down next to Stu, equally dejected because he can never invent anything with his name in the name after the commercial failure of the Jakeycycle. "you know what i could use; some beef stu; that always cheers me up" "oh boy stu's famous beef stu" Stu whips up a batch of his world-famous beef stu and serves himself, Jakey, and Michelle each a bowl. The three eat up and immediately go back for seconds. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jakeycycle appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:54 pm

Mission 022: Go on and Celebrate 'cause it's a Holiday [Special Agent Grace]
"jakey glad you're here; it's december third" "2013 even" "the year doesn't matter; all that matters is that it's national roof over your head day" "is that a drinking holiday" "aren't they all" "spent with you, yes" "good enough" Grace pours a line of shots. "now i know you've got that whole 'the diamonds' thing going on and you can't get drunk so i will make the sacrifice and drink these dozen shots as you cannot appreciate their magnificence" "how noble of you; you seem to already have taken a dozen" "work hard play hard they say" Grace drinks thirteen shots right in a row of the hardest liquor known to man. The drinks are so stiff that they are actually solid in form, making her imbibation even more impressive. "so what can i get you; a fruity girly drink?" "you know it" Grace reaches into the secret compartment of her refrigerator and grabs one of Jakey's fruity girly drinks. She keeps them hidden because she doesn't want anyone to think she's a puss, thus the visible portion of the refrigerator is full of hard liquor, meats, milk (for strong bones and healthy teeth), and, of course, various flavours of Mountain Dew. "only the girliest for you jakey" "thanks" Grace pours another line of shots, but these are all imbibed by Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/milk t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:54 pm

Mission 023: In the Moodoo for Voodoo [Special Agent Grace]
"okay remember how kathy was murdered then revived with black magic" "yes how could i forget" "well we have to be sure that the revival didn't have any adverse side-effects soooooooo" Grace pulls a sheet off of the decoy. "god bless that little guy" Grace loads the decoy into The Motherfucker, and she and Jakey drive off to Kathy's house. Grace sets up the decoy on the stuppe and rings the doorbell, then jumps into the rosebushes. "OH GOD THE THORNS" Grace crawls out of the bushes and Jakey heals her as Kathy answers the door, expecting the delivery man to be there delivering her the new bras she had ordered because none of hers fit any more for reasons she cannot explain. She is not complaining, however; or rather, she won't be once she gets the new bras and her nipples stop being visible beneath her shirt. "oh hello jakey; are those flowers for me" The decoy nods with the sound of grinding gears. "thank you i have always appreciated free things well bye" Kathy reenters her house and shuts the door behind her. "why didn't she let the decoy in" "she never lets people into her house because then she'd have to offer them a drink and those cost money" "and people like this woman?" "look around you; there are at least two dozen different stalkers around her house right now, excluding us" "are you sure they're not here to rob her" "pfft; if anyone other than kathy touches kathy's safe, the laser defense system will cut them to ribbons" Hearing this, Michelle, backs away from Kathy's safe. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/decoy action figure appears at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: One Thing Leads to Another (2013)   Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:54 pm

Mission 024: Protect and Serve [Special Agent Grace]
"all right jakey i know you're a grown-ass man and all but it is still my sworn duty to protect you from the dangerous and/or immoral so to that end i've blown up the strip club" "not the strip club!!!" "don't worry no one was inside except-" "now alabama's economy is going to TANK because it's lost its main source of income and they're going to blame US and we'll have a war on our hands!!!" Grace is taken aback slightly. "also i won't be able to see the tits!!!" "that's why al gore invented the internet; look at tits there - wholesome FAMILY-FRIENDLY pornography" "you mean i can look at tits without fear of getting some kind of disease IN THE COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME?!" "yes, thanks to al gore" "GIVE THAT MAN A MEDAL" "he already has all the medals" "good; now if you'll excuse me" Jakey turns on his computer and begins looking at JPGs of bare breasts, eventually reaching an image of Michelle's. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/framed picture of tits appears at safehouses]
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