First Day of Autumn Special 2023

AUTUMNAL SPECIAL:
"well it's fall" "yeah, time to watch taylor yell at the leaves and command them to not fall off the trees" "NOT SO THIS YEAR, FRIENDS!!!" Taylor laughs as he unveils his grand master plan to Bran and Jakey. "i have finally figured it out!!!" "you're going to cut down your trees like the rest of us did?" "no, i have figured out what makes the leaves fall and will prevent it!!! my trees will be radiant in their leafiness far into the winter!!!" "how are you planning to manage that one" "i've noticed over the last few years that when leaves are about to fall off of the tree, their hue changes from green to reds and yellows" "you only just now noticed that?" "hush; i have taken measures to make sure the leaves never change their hue by REINFORCING that hue!!! i have painstakingly taken my brush and painted every single leaf a vibrant parakeet green!!!" "won't that just make the leaves heavier and fall faster" "they will be heavier, sure, but they are now STRONGER as well!!! stronger than ever before!!! with yearly painting, these leaves will be here long past when we are all dead and gone!!!" "well i look forward to seeing the fruits of your labor"
Later at night, after everyone has gone to sleep, Taylor's intruder alarm begins to blare. "INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT" "OH NO!!!" Taylor grabs his shotgun and rushes out the front door, where he sees Bendik and Brucie high up on ladders in Taylor's trees with cans of orange paint. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" "you have disrupted the natural order" "leaves must rise, leaves must fall; it is the way of the world" "GET BACK, YOU DEMONS!!! I SHALL CREATE A NEW WORLD ORDER!!! WHERE THE TREES AND LAWNS REMAIN BEAUTIFUL ALL THE YEAR!!! NONE CAN STOP MY GRAND MACHINATIONS!!! ALL WHO STAND IN MY WAY SHALL PERISH!!!" "you cannot kill us; we are servants of the goddess demeter" "what? since when?" "since this afternoon; she gave us each a particularly crisp fiver" "well i will give you each a particularly crisp buckshot" Taylor takes dead aim at the nearest hoodlum and fires his shotgun. The goddess Demeter appears in her holy light to block the shot. "you have befouled my glorious nature, and now you attempt to murder my loyal servants?!" "i have IMPROVED your nature!!! I!!! AND I ALONE!!! SHOULD BE THE GOD OF AGRICULTURE!!! ARBOR DAY SHOULD BE IN DEFERENCE TO ME!!!" "you are a blight on this earth" "no, YOU ARE THE BLIGHT!!! you could have made everything good, but instead, you made it arbitrarily terrible!!! I WILL DESTROY YOU AND CLAIM YOUR GODLY THRONE!!!" Taylor loads another shot and shoots at Demeter, her holy radiance and bullet-resistance slipping with every shot. "enough of this" Demeter creates roots underneath Taylor's feet, which ensnare him. "MY LAWN!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, DEMETER!!!" "it is my lawn, mortal!!! ALL LAWNS ARE MINE!!! YOU ARE JUST THE CARETAKERS!!!" Taylor's rage reaches critical mass, and he snaps the roots like twigs. Taylor pulls out his knife and leaps upon Demeter, stabbing her holy form repeatedly until there is nothing left to stab. "I AM BECOME GOD!!! COWER, MORTALS!!!" "um i'm going to leave now" "me too bye" Bendik and Brucie skedaddle while the skedaddling is good. Taylor laughs as he removes the orange paint from his precious leaves. This season, no leaves will fall onto his lawn. So decrees the new God of Agriculture.
THE END