Halloween Special 2023

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL:
"good friends, the lord hath blessed us with this bounty of candy on this fine hallow's eve, and for this, we ought to say a quick prayer in thanks" "makes sense to me" "our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy ween; thy candy come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven; give us this day our wrappèd chocolates and forgive us our tricks as we forgive those who did not give treats, and lead us not into tooth decay but deliver us from dentistry" "amen" "amen" "now let us feast; our resse's cups runneth over with peanut butter"" The friends dig in to their candied feast. "aw man" "what's wrong?" "my apple doesn't have a razorblade in it" "do these people know nothing of our traditions?!" "it makes me sick" "oh man my apple has five razorblades in it" "oh that must be from mr gillette's house; he loves his extra blades" "he probably got a great deal on them at the halloween supply store, buying in such bulk" "god bless that man" "have you tried the milky ways yet? they've got holes in the wrappers where mr penderson injected a special treat directly into the candy" "oh boy is it arsenic?!" "you know it" "i love halloween"
THE END





i'm waiting
in my costume
as the bell begins to chime
reflecting
on my candy
for it doesn't
have much time
'cause at nine o'clock
i'll take it
to my open mouth
the sands of time
for it
are running
looooooooooowwwwww
running looooooowwwwwww yeah

when the guy comes to give me the candy
take a look through the bowl at the king size
of a lame dark chocolate candy bar
can it be that there's some sort of error?
hard to stop the surmounting TP
is it really the end of the seventh roll?

somebody please give me better candy
it's not easy to stop from egging
but tricks escape me when i just want treats
doors ajar, but why give apples?
after all, it's the day for candy
will your health craze ever fucking end?


as my parents march me over to the next house
somebody cries from the stoop 'TRICK OR TREAT'
if there's no treat, your house will get egged
as we walk, my sack grows more hefty
though in the end, it will be empty
TP that house because they give out fruit

mark my words, and fear my egg carton
don't worry now that i have gone
i've gone beyond to key your car
when you see your TPed and egged house
maybe then you'll begin to understand
halloween is not for fruit and toothpaste


yeah-eah-eah
hallowed be thy ween
yeah-eah-eah
hallowed be thy ween