A Thing of the Past: High Seas (1693)

Mission 000: Prologue [N/A]
Jakey wakes up with a lampshade on his head, tied to a chair. "oh MAN that was some party last night" "GOOD you're awake!!!" A man with an eyepatch snatches the lampshade off of Jakey's head with his hookhand. "hey wait this isn't the IHOP" "very perceptive, o prince of canada" "hey thanks i've always prided myself on being a good uh perception guy" "it shows; i bet you'll even see THIS coming" The man whacks Jakey over the head with a wooden plank. "ow" "my name is chuck; give me the diamonds or i will be forced to break more planks over your head!!!" Chuck steps aside to reveal a giantic stack of wooden planks. "where'd you get all those planks" "plankz Я us was having a sale; buy one at regular price, get one at regular price" "oh shit is that still going on" "yes the sale ends friday" "aw shit man gotta get me out to the store to buy some planks" Jakey's chair begins to hop all over the place in Jakey's excitement. "struggle as you may, you will never break that rope!!! it was mastercrafted by the finest underage craftsmen in all beijing!!!" "oh damn man could you untie me please i've got to go take advantage of the bargains!!!" Suddenly, a knife falls down and cuts the rope holding Jakey's left hand. "hey thanks" "WHO-" A furious kick comes out of the blue from a man wearing his trademark cowboy hat and his autographed 'King George 5ever' t-shirt. "SHERIFF ANTONY have you heard about the deals too!!!" "yes; we must go take advantage of these sweet deals" Sheriff Antony lays down some surpressing fire as Jakey unties his other hand. Unfortunately, Sheriff Antony can only lay down six shots before he has to reload. This gives Chuck enough time to huck his gun straight into the air, hitting a button which causes a trapdoor to open underneath his feet. Chuck falls down into his speedboat and speeds off, giggling like a madman. "is he just going to leave his planks here" "DUDE let's load this shit up onto the ship!!!" "fuck yes"  Michelle rapels down the rope attached to the crow's nest of the ship. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sheriff Antony missions]

Mission 001: On the High Seas [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey the high seas are dangerous these days with all the sailors everywhere" "yeah those damn sailors make it hard to just recreationally tug my little boat around" "as such i am entrusting you with these the diamonds so that if they sink your ship, you'll merely survive a torturously long while alone and hungry as you drift back to land" "neat" Jakey ingests the The Diamonds and feels a new power coursing though his veins. "is that supposed to happen" "unless every jakey i've given these to has been allergic to them" "that's certainly a possibility" Michelle walks up to Jakey and begins to poke him with a plastic cutlass. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/privateering missions]

Mission 002: Along and Away [Privateering]
"all right men weigh anchor and unfurl the sails" The nameless, faceless men do as Jakey says, and they're off aimlessly onto the high seas. A vessel crashes straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "rude" "prepare to be boarded or whatever" "what do you mean 'or whatever'?! where's your passion?! where's your zeal?! your lust for life?! your the passenger?!" "whatever man; i didn't want to be a bloodthirsty sailor, my parents forced me to" "that doesn't sound normal" "man i wanted to be a tavern wench but they just said 'no way ruth; the money's all in sailing and plundering ships'" "so uh are we going to swordfight or?" "YOU WANT TO FIGHT?! you're not just giving me the plunder?! man fuck this shit just end me now" "hey uh instead of running you through, how would you like to be the grog wench on this ship" "REALLY?!" "yeah totally" "YESSSSSSSSS" "good" Jakey fires a cannon and sinks Ruth's ship, welcoming her aboard. Michelle puts another round in Ruth's ship for good measure. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/a grog wench]

Mission 003: A Night Full of Dread [Privateering]
Another vessel crashes straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "again?!" "arrrgh ye mateys!!! my name is gwendolyn rose everhart and i am here to plunder your treasure and suck your blood!!!" As Gwendolyn Rose Everhart boards the ship, Jakey begins swelling up, as he is allergic to roses. When Gwendolyn gets close, Jakey swells to his full allergic size and sends Gwendolyn blasting off. "man fuck this i'm going back to sleep" Gwendolyn falls into her coffin, and returns to sleep for at least another decade. Michelle walks up and pokes Jakey with a needle, reducing the swelling. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/cool vampire ship parts]

Mission 004: An Unexpected Voyage [Privateering]
"♫what should we do with the drunken sailor what should we do with the drunken sailor what should we do with the drunken sailor early in the mornin'♫" As the woman sings her jolly tune, her bathtub is pulled by the waves into the side of Jakey's ship. "♫wey-hey and up she rises wey-hey and-♫ OOF" "what the fuck are you doing floating around in a bathtub?!" "man i just sat down to take my bubblybath and sing a jolly tune and next thing i know i'm stranded on the high seas" "well uh would you like a ride on my ship" "sure why not" Jakey's nameless, faceless crew pulls up the woman, bathtub and all. "so what's your name" "i'm scarlett hayes" "well scarlett how'd you like to join my crew" "i don't know anything about sailing" "that's fine; you can lead off all the shanties" "oh nice" Michelle walks up and begins scrubbing Scarlett's back. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/a shanty-starter]

Mission 005: A Very Expected Voyage [Privateering]
Jakey's ship approches a small rock with a single woman standing atop it, her right thumb pointed east in an attempt to hitchhike on the open sea. "uh you need a ride miss?" "yeah totally" "come aboard" The woman climbs onto the ship, and drops her bindle. "nice gun" "thanks his name's mr shooty and he's my best friend in the whole world" "so what are you doing way out here all by yourself" "oh it was awesome; i'm an assassin and i was sent to kill some guy so i got passage aboard a ship and waited for it to pass the ship my target was on so i could leap aboard and murder him and his whole crew and sink his ship" "and you got stranded on that rock" "yeah i could have planned it out a bit better" "so where you off to now" "oh i've got another target let me see" Sophia searches around her pockets. "ah here we go; i've been sent to kill one scarlett hayes" "oh what a coincidence; she's aboard this very ship" "really?!" "yeah let me take you to her" "okay cool thanks" Jakey leads Sophia down into the brig, kicks her into a cell, and grabs Mr. Shooty away from her. "aw man i really should have seen that one coming" "now you behave in there or mr shooty will suffer the consequences" "LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS!!! HE'S INNOCENT!!!" "he'll remain out of this as long as you behave" "yes sir" Sophia slunks down in her cell next to Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Mr. Shooty weapon]

Mission 006: State Your Case [Privateering]
Yet another vessel crashes straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "I AM A LAWYER REPRESENTING ONE SOPHIA DRAKE; PREPARE TO BE BOARDED" A woman leaps onto Jakey's ship, briefcase in hand. "my name is natalie belrose i am here on behalf of my client" "oh god" "he has nothing to do with it; miss sophia is claiming wrongful detainment" "she's an assassin sent to kill scarlett" "not her; i'm here about the wrongful imprisonment of mr shooty!!!" "..." "..." "that's an inanimate object" "my papers clearly state that mr shooty is miss sophia's best friend and that she loves him" Jakey presents Mr. Shooty to Natalie. "REALLY?! i was called all the way out here for a firearm?!" "seems that way" "sorry for wasting your time and i'm DEFINITELY sorry for wasting my own time with this shit" Natalie storms off back onto her ship, and Michelle storms off back onto Jakey's ship. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/full acquittal]

Mission 007: Halted in Your Tracks [Privateering]
As Jakey's ship sails across the sea, a sudden shout is heard from atop a lone rock in the middle of nowhere. "STOP" Jakey quickly lays anchor and responds to the woman's shout. "hey uh what's up" "my name is alison lacroix; i'm a painter and i want to paint your ship" "okay sure" Hours and hours pass as Alison paints Jakey's ship. "it is done" "can i see it" "oh yes" Alison spins her easel around. "it took you all day to paint THAT?!" "yeah!!!" "it's a triangle with two rectangles on top of it" "pfft philistine" Jakey stares blankly at Alison, and begins to load a cannon. "go ahead faggot; my art will be worth FAR more if i'm killed for it" "FUCK you're right" Jakey fires the cannon anyway, missing Alison, but destroying the canvas. "NOOOOOOO NOT MY ART!!!" Jakey weighs anchor and heads off for the next girl perched atop a rock in the middle of the sea. It is Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/the eternal hatred of Alison]

Mission 008: Sense of Direction [Privateering]
Jakey's ship finally docks at an island. "hey is this crossbone isle" "no this is skullcross isle" "oh uh how far is it to crossbone isle then" "well you're on the completely wrong side of the main landmass so uh it's about as far as humanly possible" "dammit" "what's your name traveller" "jakey; what's yours" "my name is... unimportant" "kind of rude of you to ask me my name and not give me yours" "no i mean my parents named me 'unimportant'" "oof sorry to hear that" "it's not so bad; at least they didn't name me something irredeemably stupid like chloe" "god forbid" "so i bet you're wondering how i got stranded on this island" "now that you mention it yeah" "it all started one lazy sunday afternoon as i was reading my horoscope; as a saggitarius, i was told to head to femurcross isle so i did" "and how'd you end up HERE" "well femurcross isle was a tourist trap so i ran out of there quickly but boarded the wrong ship accidentally and we crashed and ended up on humeruscross isle" "but how'd you end up HERE" "well they fixed the ship and left me behind so i had to catch a ride on the next one which was trading spices to sternumcross isle" "but how'd you end up HERE" "um you know i forget" "great" Michelle walks up and plants a Canadian flag in the sand. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/annoyance]

Mission 009: Crossing Paths [Privateering]
Once again, a vessel crashes straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "WHAT THE FUCK" Jakey marches up to the other ship to give its captain a piece of his mind, but finds that its captain is King Bran himself. "OH SHIT IT'S MY DOG" "WHAT'S UP BRO" "JUST SAILING AROUND BRO" "SICK" Jakey and King Bran initiate the sacred bro handshake. To the untrained, non-bro eye, it looks like they're just staring at eachother. "so what brings you around these waters" "i found this sick treasure map and have been searching for the 'tibiacross isle' it speaks of" "oh nice" "by which i mean i've been sitting around and letting emelyn sail around for me" "of course of course" "but man i can't wait to dig up this treasure; i even brought a digging specialist" King Bran motions toward a girl throwing up off the side of the ship. "she looks like she's having fun" "valerie just can't hold her grog" "oh yeah my lead shanty-singer is the same way; always throwing up off the side of the ship" "well i'd better get going; give my regards to michelle for me" "can do" Jakey waves King Bran off as he continues his search. Jakey then goes to find Michelle. "yo michelle king bran sends his regards" "oh man i'll have to thank him for those regards later" Michelle writes herself a note so she won't forget. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/bro power]

Mission 010: Poorly Thought-Out and Executed [Privateering]
Jakey sleeps in his nice bed, dreaming of plunder and of grog. Sophia picks the lock to her cell and sneaks into Jakey's room to grab Mr. Shooty and complete her contract. A gunshot rings out as Grace blows Sophia's brains right onto the floor. Noriko slides in to clean up the body. "what the FUCK WAS THAT" Jakey scans the room, and sees the girls and the corpse of Sophia. "who the fuck are you" "i'm grace, your bodyguard" "NOT YOU the one dragging the body" Noriko hangs her head. "i'm noriko, your secret ninja maid" "oh okay wait what" Noriko recounts the story, as previously told in The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread, on store shelves now. "oh okay resume" Jakey rolls over back to sleep, but encounters Michelle in his dreams. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/a ninja maid]

Mission 011: What Should We do with the Spectral Sailor [Privateering]
As Jakey sleeps in his nice bed, visions of plunder and grog dancing in his head, a spectral ship attempts to ram straight into the side of his ship. It passes straight through. "DAMMIT" Claire throws her hat to the deck of the ship. "FIRE THE CANNONS" Claire's ghostly crew fires the cannons, and the spectral cannonballs pass straight through the ship. Claire picks up her hat and throws it back to the deck of the ship. "man FUCK this" Claire's ship sails off, with Jakey's crew none the wiser. Jakey remains asleep, visions of Michelle dancing in his head. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/absolutely nothing]

Mission 012: Sailing the Seven Seas [Privateering]
Another vessel crashes straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "getting real sick of this shit" "arrgh and avast; i be cap'n morgan of the-OOF" Just then, Morgan's ship is also rammed into by another vessel. "hey everyone my name is arabella hughes and i'm looking for my neice scarlett" "oh yeah she's joined my crew" "oh that's cool; as long as she isn't dying in the hot sun then i'm-OOF" Just then, Arabella's ship is also rammed into by another vessel. "avast or whatever; my name is kathy and i want all your gold so hand it over or else i'll be forced to-OOF" Just then, Kathy's ship is also rammed into by another vessel. "um like avast and stuff; my name is victorrhea and i'm collecting doubloons for charity" "what's the cause" "the discovery of a cure for timinchinitis, a horrible and terminal disease that-OOF" Just then, Victorrhea's ship is also rammed into, but there's no other vessel. "hey uh miss? where's your vessel" "pfft i resist the NEED for a vessel" The five other captains stare at the woman in silence. "explain please" "with enough practice, you can resist anything!!! go on, shoot me" Morgan pulls out her gun and shoots the woman in the head, but nothing happens. "uh i'm getting out of here" Morgan disengages, and sails away, causing every other ship to separate. "i'm glad that's over" Michelle rams her own ship straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/met quotas]

Mission 013: A Sailor's Dream [Privateering]
As Jakey sails the high seas, yet another vessel crashes straight into the side of his ship. "PREPARE TO BE BOARDED!!!" And just like that, a busty woman and a younger not-so-busty woman leap aboard the ship. "hello there sailor; my name is piper and i was thinking that it must get lonely for you salty seadogs to be on the ocean for so long without any tits to look at so i brought some for you" Piper lifts up her shirt, revealing her breasts to the crew. "they're beautiful" "this here is my daughter rachel; she is still undergoing bustiness training so you'll have to forgive her lack of bust" "training?" "oh yes; i've tried everything that i could think of, but those beestings just aren't getting any bigger" "C-CUPS DO NOT QUALIFY AS BEESTINGS" "sure honey" The crew ogles and ogles Piper's breasts. Despite Rachel trying to draw their attention, her much smaller breasts do nothing of the sort. Michelle's bust, which is somewhere between the two, does draw some eyes, however. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/a chief morale officer]

Mission 014: A Welcome Update [Privateering]
Jakey's ship comes across a small rock, atop which stands a young woman inside a barrel. Jakey drops the anchor. "hey there friends; my name is violet and i run the new violet times news system" "oh cool what news is there today" "king bran of alabama has successfully completed his trip to tibiacross isle; he also found the buried treasure, which was some kind of writing utensil" "oh wow i hope the treasure on crossbone isle is as good as that" "my sources tell me that the found writing implement has quickly become king bran's favourite" "that must be one high-quality writing implement; king bran's always been a picky man when it comes to writing" "the king is due home on saturday and is currently writing a novel based on his adventures" "oh boy i can't wait to buy it" "and that's all the news i've got today; time to stick my nose back to the grindstone" Violet hunkers down in her barrel and launches herself into the sea, where she drifts onward toward new and exciting stories. In her haste, however, she misses the exciting story that Michelle is about to make. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/excitement]

Mission 015: Message in a Bottle [Privateering]
As Jakey sails onward, a small figure flies toward the ship carrying a glass bottle. A small pixington arrives, panting and losing her grip. "delivery for one 'jakey'" "that's me" Jakey takes the bottle and uncorks it. Inside is a letter from Sheriff Antony. "'hello jakey i hope your adventures are going well; attached to this letter is a coupon to long john silver's; use it well' sick; thank you for delivering to me this letter fair pixington" "yeah no problem; uh can i hang out with you for a while, i'm really tired" "oh of course" "sweet; got any crackers" "oh yeah" Jakey hands a saltine cracker to the pixington, and she holds it in both hands as she bites into the corner. "thanks i've been dying for one of these" "you stay as long as you need/want to; you can sleep in my desk drawer" "oh nice; sheriff antony had me sleeping in a birdcage" The pixington weakly flies to her drawer and uses a sheet of paper as a blanket. Michelle tucks her in and reads her a bedtime story. "then the baby bear said 'someone's sleeping in MY bed' and he ripped off the covers and under them was goldilocks!!! and she was all like 'take me home'"
[reward: respect +/a pixington crew member]

Mission 016: Plunder from Down Under [Privateering]
Once again, another ship rams straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "give me a fucking break" "YO HO AND SUCH; I AM OLIVIA, DAUGHTER OF THE ORC CHIEFTAIN!!! PREPARE TO BE BOARDED!!!" The orcish horde piles onto Jakey's ship, and it begins to sink. "MY SHIP ISN'T RATED FOR THIS MUCH WEIGHT" "rude" "WE ARE ANKLE-DEEP IN WATER AND SINKING FAST" "okay fine" The orcs get off of Jakey's ship and return to their own. Jakey's ship floats back up to the surface. "now toss over all your treasure" "we don't have any" "WHAT i don't believe that" "all we had on this ship was reams of paper, but those are now all wet and worthless" "DAMMIT" Olivia throws her hat down onto the deck in disgust. "we really could have used that paper too" Michelle walks up and tosses some soggy paper onto Olivia's ship. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/a cargo of soggy paper]

Mission 017: Home is Where the Heart Is [Privateering]
Jakey's ship passes a big rock in the middle of the sea with a woman on it, standing next to a house. Jakey drops anchor. "uh hi there" "oh hi; are you interested in buying a house?" "you mean that one?" "yeah!!! my name is candice plumbridge and i make only the best houses from the best materials" "it's in the middle of the sea" "yeah it's great isn't it? just you and the waves; no one will bother you here" "what about food and water" "uh HELLO it's surrounded by water!!!" "you can't drink sea water" "you totally can; watch" Candice cups a handful of sea water. Jakey fires the cannon out to sea to startle her and make her drop the water. "rude" "i just saved your life lady" "i don't see how" "whatever; have fun with your house on the sea" "i will" Jakey weighs anchor, and sails off. Michelle stares at the house longingly. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/absolutely nothing]

Mission 018: All for a Song [Privateering]
Jakey's ship passes another big rock, this time with a lone woman standing on it, waving some paper. Jakey drops anchor. "uh hi there" "hello sir; i've been penning some brand new sea shanties and i was hoping you'd take one" "really? for free?" "yeah man; music should be totally free" The woman hands Jakey a piece of paper. "'the cannonfire and bloody remains by julia armell'" "that's one of my favourites" "'the cannons fire the blood is spilt, but our sailors never wilt; we'll fight on the sea, and never bend knee; the locker is calling, but we won't be falling; today we will win, and again we'll begin; tomorrow a fight, from dawn's first light'" "great isn't it?" "it's more violent than our usual fare but i like it" "more shanties should be violent honestly" "well thanks" "come again sometime" Jakey weighs anchor and Michelle begins on her own shanty. "'beginning a fight, at first light; a whack on the dome, oh please take me home'"
[reward: respect +/a new shanty]

Mission 019: Final Destination [Privateering]
"well men it's been a long hard road but here we finally are, crossbone isle; let us take our first glorious step onto land" Jakey takes his first glorious step onto land and is immediately greeted by a skeleton wearing a pink bow. "hello there handsome" "um hi" "my name's bonerietta what's yours" Jakey scrambles to come up with a fake name. "ph-phil" "well phil i've been stuck on this island for a long time; maybe you could keep me some company" "uh i can't i have to uh wash my hair" "oh you humans are so cute with your hair; there's a beautiful lake here come on" "um no thanks" "come on phil don't be shy; it's been so long since i've boned anyone" Bonerietta begins walking toward Jakey, thrusting her pelvis. Jakey scrambles back onto the ship and hoists the anchor as fast as he can. Michelle walks up to Jakey and pats him on the back. "take me home phil"
[reward: respect +/abject terror]

Mission 020: A Sorry State [Privateering]
Once again, another ship rams straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "oh COME ON" "oh my god i'm so sorry are you all all right?!" A woman rushes aboard Jakey's ship. "uh yeah we're fine" "good good i'm sorry; my name is charlotte but everyone calls me 'the great cheryl' here's my insurance information" "uh thanks" "is there anything i can do to make this inconvenience up to you" "not unless you're some kind of wizard" "actually i am" "oh nice; can you make our cargo of soggy paper a cargo of dry paper" "on it!!!" The Great Cheryl waves her wand, and the paper is as dry as the day it was pressed. "wow nice" "and as a bonus i even made it water-proof" "thanks; i'm actually glad someone rammed into my ship for once" "i hope our paths cross again in better conditions" The Great Cheryl bows and walks back to her ship. Michelle begins rubbing dry paper all over Jakey's face. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/a cargo of dry paper]

Mission 021: The Lord's Bounty [Privateering]
Once again, another ship rams straight into the side of Jakey's ship. "for FUCK'S SAKE" "hello there friends; have you seen the light of our lord and saviour, jesus christ" "oh yeah jesus is great" "oh good i am glad to meet a fellow friend in christ; my name is brooke" "i'm jakey and yeah christ is pretty sweet" "remember that time he died for our sins" "oh totally" "well bye friend; i've got to spread the message far and wide" "godspeed" Jakey salutes as Brooke sails off. Michelle hangs her head in fond remembrance for the deeds of Christ. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/a reminder of Christ]

Mission 022: They Say the Sea Turns so Dark That You Know It's Time, You See the Sign [Privateering]
Jakey sails on and on, eventually sailing through a portal and ending up in Chicago. Wanting some catharsis, Jakey rams his ship into a Chicagoan ship. "PREPARE TO BE BOARDED" "really, man? i've got all this paper to deliver to 48th street" "it's my paper now chicagoan" "but you've already got plenty of paper" "maybe this amount is 'plenty' in a poor dimension like chicago, but where i come from, this is nowhere near even adequate!!! EN GUARDE" Jakey stabs his sword forward, Blakey barely parrying in time. The force of Jakey's strike, however, causes Blakey's sword to fly out of his hand. "fine fine whatever take it" "VICTORY" Jakey's crew loads all the paper onto his ship. Michelle does paper angels. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/more paper]

Mission 023: They Say the Point Demons Guard is an Ocean Grave for All the Brave [Privateering]
Jakey rams his ship into another Chicagoan ship. "oh no you're not taking MY paper!!! i worked hard to get all this paper and i'll be DAMNED if you're getting your hands on a single sheet!!!" "YOUR paper?! THIS IS OUR PAPER RIECE" "yeah, 'our' includes the word 'my'" "you just want all the paper for yourself!!!" "that is a LOW accusation even for you anice!!!" "I'LL SHOW YOU LOW!!!" Riece and Anice roll along the deck in a cloud of dust. Meanwhile, Jakey's crew steals the paper for themselves. "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!! YOU LET THEM GET AWAY!!!" "I DIDN'T LET THEM GET AWAY; YOU LET THEM GET AWAY" "OH THAT IS IT" Riece and Anice continue fighting as Jakey sails away. Michelle rolls up to Jakey in a cloud of dust. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/more paper than you can shake a pheasant at]

Mission 024: Was it You That Said "How Long?"? [Privateering]
Jakey rams his ship into another Chicagoan ship. "HALT i said HALT; my name is carrie and i will not tolerate your presence here!!! you are NOT i said NOT getting any of this paper!!! it is not for you!!! it is for me!!! ALL FOR ME!!!" "oh well that's a shame" "now go away you are contaminating my paper" "oh but don't you want this paper i've got here?" Jakey holds up three sheets of blank white paper. Carrie begins to salivate. "okay give it to me" "we're kind of far away for that; for me to give it to you, i'd have to crumple it into a ball" "NO DON'T DO THAT; i'm coming over" Carrie walks toward Jakey, not noticing his crew boarding her ship and taking her paper. Carrie grabs her three sheets of paper and returns to her ship, none the wiser. "okay bye" Jakey hoists the anchor and zips off, leaving Carrie to inspect her new paper. "wait a minute THIS IS COUNTERFEIT PAPER" Carrie turns and looks on in horror as her paper is gone. Michelle grabs a sheet of counterfeit paper and begins to crumple it. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/MORE PAPER FOR THE PAPER GOD]