Pokémon SharpenedSword and TemperedShield [beta build]

CHIBBLY ONE:
"gloria professor magnolia wanted to see you in her laboratrum about Pokémon or some twatty rot like that" Before her mum can say another word, Gloria buggers off out of the flat like a rocket. Gloria tears into Professor Magnolia's laboratrum, but only sees her grandsmibbly, Hop. "oh it's just you" "oh are you looking for gran try the tibble wibble" "oh good cricket" Gloria exits the laboratrum and heads into the tibble wibble outside of the village. "OI WHAT IN BUGGERATION DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IT'S DANGERIFFIC OUT THERE" Professor Magnolia grabs Gloria by the hood and drags her back to the laboratrum. "now that you're both present i'd like to give you each a Pokémon; since hop was a gibble libble bibble and wibbled here for me like i ASKED i will let him choose second" "wha-" "just trust me okay" "oh lad oh" Gloria takes a gander at the Pokémon on offer. "i choose scorbunny!!! he's so cute!!!" "THEN I CHOOSE GROOKEY" Professor Magnolia buries her face in her hands. "you were MEANT to choose the one that's super-effecting to the one SHE chibbled!!!" "..." "..." "ohhhhhhhhhhh" "oh well what's done is done now come one you cheeky cunt it's time to have blows" Gloria's Scorbunny absolutely wrecks Hop's Grookey. "if anyone asks, i'm off for crisps" Gloria exits the laboratrum with her left hand in a half-hearted backwards wave.

CHIBBLY TWO:
Gloria heads to Viribbly Cibbly, where she heads to the Pokémon Centribbly to apply for a trainer card. "allo there miss what's your name" "my name is gloria and i wanna be the very best like no one EVER was!!!" "that's nice; sign-" "to catch them is my REAL test; to tr-" "to train them is your cause? yeah, i've heard it all before lady sign here" "s-sorry" Gloria signs the papery dapery, and is handed her very own trainer card. She then escapes quietly as the next young trainer walks up to the booth. "allo there young man what's your nibbly" "my nibbly is youngster joey and i wanna be the very best like NO ONE ever was!!!" "what rot"
"oi miss are you from pibbly tibbly" "yeah why" "professor magnolia ordered this box and i can't be bothered to delibbly it to her so here you gibbly" The shopkibbly slaps the box into Gloria's hands and runs off. "what rot"
"ah gloria how's scorbunny" "oh he's a right mad cunt!!! ever since we destroyed that wanker hop we have been the tippermost of the pippermost!!!" "jolly good" "oh and this box is for you" "oh it's the uh CUSTIBBLY POKéORB i ordered" Professor Magnolia nervously clears her throat. "you didn't take a peek did you" "no" "jolly good!!!" All of a sudden, Hop slams the door open and enters the lab. "oi gran you ribbled" "ah yes hop; i'd like you and gloria to mibbly a fribbly's gribbly; his name is victor" "allo there my nibbly is gloria" "i'm hop" "pleabbled to meeble" "so here's your sobble now get out and bobble"

CHIBBLY THREE:
Gloria heads to Pewtibbly Cibbly, where she heads to get her first gym badgibbly from Clifford. "allo there mate; do you care to dream big?! do you wanna be the very best like no one EVER was?!" "YES" "then libbly your ribbly; clifford uses rock-type Pokémon so i hope you evolved your scorbunny into the fire/fisticuffs Pokémon it was always meant to be" "no worries" Gloria steps up to face the first gym trainer. "you're about ten million lightyears from facing clifford!!!" Gloria looks over at Clifford, who is standing on the other side of the room. "um no? he's like fifteen metres away" "..." "..." "well i've been embibbled" The trainer defeated, Gloria goes to face Clifford himself. "allo there trainer; i look forward to an intense match" "same here; GO PUGIBLAZE" "..." "..." "just take the smibbly badgibbly"

CHIBBLY FOUR:
"so what you're saying is the only thribbly ways to get out to the rest of the galar region are 1: head through this giant mountainatrix, 2: head through a tunnel blocked off by trees that can't be destribbly by normal means, or 3: head out to sea and pass by an active volcanatrix that could blibbly at any moment" "bang on" "and no one's thought to build like a road or something" "what no that's silly why would we do that whilst we have this smashing good one-way mountain path" "sigh" "PSST OI CHILD" Gloria's attention is drawn toward a man in the corner of the Pokémon Centribbly. "child oi" "uh allo" "lad oh lad have i got a dibbly for you; for just five-hundred quid i will give you the ULTIMIBBLY POKéMON; the DESTRIBBLY OF WIBBLIES" "yveltal?!" "no" "oh than what-" "IT IS MAGIKARP" "what" "magikarp can destribbly entire CIBBLIES with its devastibbly SPLASH ATTACK" "w-wow!!! what type even is that" "water" "just water?" "uh water and prestidigitation" "PRESTIDIGITATION-TYPE?! i've never even heard of that!!!" "yeah it's like really rare" "JOLLY GOOD" Gloria hands over 500 quid and receives a Magikarp in return.
Gloria wanders into Mt. Mibbly and confidently struts her way through its series of ladders and tunnels, eventually bumping into a cheeky git from Team Rocket. "PREPARE FOR TRIBBLY" "oh no, there won't be any tribbly" Gloria confidently tosses her Pokéorb in her hand. "GO MAGIKARP" Gloria hucks her orb into the ground, and out pops a wriggly Magikarp. "uh child-" "NOW DESTRIBBLY HIBBLY WITH YOUR DEVASTIBBLY SPLASH ATTACK" Magikarp splashes around on the ground, weakness. "m-maybe he just needs to be in water for it to work" "i'm uh sure that's it"
Finally, after much disappibbly, Gloria makes it near the end of Mt. Mibbly. "finally i can leave-" "STOP RIGHT THERE" "wha-" "THESE ARE MY FIBBLIES AND YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM" "o-okay lad i'm ju-" "FINE; WE WILL BATTLE FOR THEM" Gloria slaps her face with her hand.

CHIBBLY FIVE:
Gloria heads to Ceribbly Cibbly, where she decides to train a bit more before facing Nessa to get her second gym badgibbly. She eventually reaches a small cottibbly by the sea. "oh a clefairy how smashing" "oi miss" "GAH" "hey i accidibbly fused myself with this clefairy so could you please press that button so i can stop being a horrible abomination" "uh yeah" Gloria pribblies the bibbly without hestitaion, separating Bernard from the Clefairy. "hey thanks do you want this ticket for a boat i was going to thribbly it away but oi"
"yo CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY nessa uses water-type Pokémon" "allo trainer i am nessa!!! i look forward to an intense match" "same here; GO PUGIBLAZE" "GO DREDNAW" After an intense match, Gloria defeats Nessa's Drednaw and wins her second badgibbly.

CHIBBLY SIX:
"HALT WANKER" Gloria stops, startled, inside the gate to Saffibbly Cibbly. "uh officer?" "i'm thirsty" "um jolly good" Gloria attempts to move past. "HALT WANKER" "yeah?!" "i said i'm THIRSTY" Gloria slaps her face with her palm. "so what you're saying is i can't get past because you're thirsty" "yeah do you have any water" "no" "pfft you waste all your time catching crummy Pokémon creatures!!! you should be catching water!!!" "if you like water so much just fucking move to hoenn" "that's why i'm working this smibbly guard job; to save up enough so i can move to the best region" "kanto is the best region you dunce" "oh right"
Gloria heads through the underground tunnel to Veribbly Cibbly, where she attempts to get her third gym badgibbly from Lt. Volt. She looks high and low, but can't find an entrance. "that's the BACK of the gym" "uh then how do i get to the front" "see that tree over there" "yeah" "you have to cut it down" "..." "..." "why" The man shrugs. "as long as you're here though let me tell you about my rapidash!!!" "uh okay" "rapidash is so cute cuddly LOVE IT want to ride it all day warm mane so cute so amazing love it need it rapidash!!!" "uh-" "here are five facts about rapidash!!! 1: rapidash is a Pokémon!!! 2: she's cute!!! 3: i love her!!! 4: rapidash!!!" "that was only four-" "thank you for listening to me here have this bike voucher" The man hands Gloria a ticket to get a bicycle for free in Cerulean City in Kanto, a 1,000,000 Pokémon Fun Bux value. "did that guy seriously just give me a million Pokémon fun bux to listen to him say rapidash over and over"

CHIBBLY SEVEN:
Gloria boards the S.S. Anne, the most luxurious of luxury liners, using the ticket she'd gotten from Bernard. "be aware that the ship can't set sail because the captain is seasick" "..." "what" "how did he even become captain if he gets seasick?!" "his father is on the captain's commibbly" "well as long as i don't have to give him a backrub i-" "HEY that's a great idea!!!" The sailor pushes Gloria up the stairs to the captain's quarters. "captain good news this young lass has volunteered to rub your back!!!" "oh that's-" The captain violently wretches and throws up into a trash can. Gloria hesitates, but the sailor pushes her into the back of the captain. She rubs and rubs and rubs, wishing she was back in town listening to the man talk about his Rapidash. Soon, the seasickness is cleared. "thanks miss now we can leave port!!! here let me give you this Pokémon instructional video on how to cut down trees" "thanks"
Gloria attempts once again to get into Vermibbly gym. She cuts down the tree outside, and is greeted by her friend. "YO CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY lt. volt is a cheeky git and has barricaded himself away behind an electric barrier!!!" "uh isn't it his job to accept challenges" "oh, he'll accept your challenge, but only if you find the two switches hidden inside these trash cans" "WHAT" "also if you hit one switch then the next can you rummage through isn't the correct one, the switches will randomise to a new set of cans!!!" "..." "..." "hey i'll give you a bike voucher if you find the switches for me" "no can do chibbly in the mibbly" Gloria sighs and peers into a trash can, full of vomit. "you want me to stick my hand in THAT?!" "every time the s.s. anne stops in vermibbly cibbly, the captain donates to us the trash cans he's thrown up in!!!" Gloria turns around and throws up into the trash can nearby. "yes, putting more vomit into the can will surely make it LESS disgusting"

CHIBBLY EIGHT:
Desperately, Gloria searches high and low for Pokémon that will allow her to avoid sticking her hand into the captain's vomit. Eventually, she catches an Abra and a Bellsprout. "okay abra which trash cans have switches in them" Abra points at two different cans, right next to eachother. "okay, now bellsprout!!! use your vines to pull those switches!!!" Bellsprout, not knowing what he's touching, flips both switches and deactivates the forcefield. "what in BUGGERATION was that private?!" "me?" "yes, you; you're a dirty cheating cunt you know that?!" "no, actually, i'm clean; some would describe my cleanliness as whistle-like in appearance" "oh private your tactics would NEVER fly in the war" "luckily, we are not currently fighting a war" "THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG; right now it is a war between your Pokémon and mine; we are fighting for the honour of our gym!!! you are fighting for my badgibbly!!!" "okay; GO PUGIBLAZE" "GO YAMPER" After an intense match, Gloria defeats Lt. Volt's Yamper and wins her third badgibbly.

CHIBBLY NINE:
Learning that the only way past the thirsty guards to the rest of Galar is through Ribbly Tibbly, Gloria heads east from Ceribbly Cibbly and into the cave. "what the fuck it's pitch black in here i can't see a thing" "OI watch where you're walking" "IF ONLY IT WAS THAT EASY" Gloria stumbles around the cave for hours on end before finally making it out.
Finally, Gloria makes it to Lavibbly Tibbly. "hey what's that big tower" "it's a Pokémon graveyard but it's currently haunted by GHOSTS" "oh, like gastly?" "no, formless souls of the dead come back to kill us all!!!" "oh, like spiritomb?" "no" Gloria, however, thinks the man is hiding all the Spiritombs to himself, so she enters the tower. Much to her dismay, the man was right and the ghosts are just amorphous blobs. "lame"
Gloria heads west to Saffribbly Cibbly, finally hoping to get in. "HALT CITIZEN" Gloria slaps herself on the forehead. "i'm thirsty" "you think they'd install a watercooler or something but nooooooooo just have a fucking drink toll not like i don't pay fucking taxes" "you don't pay taxes, you're like fifteen" "not the point" "yeah, the point is that i'm thirsty" "you can drink your own fucking blood as it cascades from your nose"

CHIBBLY TEN:
Gloria heads through the underground tunnel to Celibbly Cibbly, wherein lies the region's lone department store and lone casino, as well as the Celibbly gym, lead by Milo. "heh heh this gym's great!!! it's full of women!!!" "YO CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY they shut down the casino can you believe this shit?!" "uh no way man but what about the gym leader" "oh milo uses some type of Pokémon or another but BUGGER am i mad about the casino" Gloria sighs and returns to the gym. "hello trainer i am milo i look forward to an intense match" "same here; GO KARATIMMOLATOR" "..." "..." "just take the damn badgibbly"

CHIBBLY ELEVEN:
Green enters the game corner, wondering why it was shut down. "HALT DO NOT COME ANY CLOSER TO THIS POSTER" "why what's up with the poster" "..." "..." "NOTHING IT IS AN ORDINARY POSTER" "then why are you so upset about me getting near it" "IT IS A NICE POSTER AND I LIKE IT A LOT" "um okay" "IT SEEMS YOU NEED TO BE CONVINCED OF HOW UNSUSPICIOUS THIS POSTER IS; GO RATATTA" Gloria's Karatimmolator handily defeats the Team Rocket grunt's Ratatta. "ah shit i've got to go tell the boss!!!" The Team Rocket grunt runs into a wall. Gloria hits the button behind the poster, and reveals a secret staircase. The floor sliding away sends the grunt tumbling into the hideout.
"a ha ha ha ha ha!!! you will never get past these locomotion tiles!!!" "they're just floor tiles how bad ca-WOAH" Gloria is sent spinning and careening from tile to tile. She eventually ends her spin right next to a Team Rocket grunt. "you lost little g-" Gloria violently throws up on the grunt, soiling his uniform. "LAD GROSS" "i just want to go home" Dizzily, Gloria walks up the nearby staircase. "hello there little lass are you lost?" The Team Rocket grunt winds up to throw his Pokéorb, but accidentally drops something in his windup. "OH NO I DROPPED THE LIFT KEY" "..." "..." "..." "..." While the grunt stares at his folly wide-eyed, Gloria grabs the lift key from underneath him and collapses in the elevator.
"oh little lass are you here to mess with our plans?! to retrieve the silph scope we stole?!" "i just want to go home and get to bed i don't feel so good" "WELL THAT'S TOO BAD because i, the leader of team rocket, GIOVANNI, alum of indigo university!!!, will now teach you a lesson!!!" Giovanni goes to throw out his Pokéorb, but Gloria violently throws up on him. "GROSS" Giovanni leaves the hideout to clean his suit, and leaves behind the Silph Scope for Gloria to take with her. Gloria collapses on the couch and falls asleep.

CHIBBLY TWELVE:
Gloria stumbles out into the daylight, head still spinning fron the warp panels inside Team Rocket's hideout. A nice old lady thinks she's hungover, so she invites Gloria inside for teatime. "oh this is the best tea i've ever had" "yes indeed!!! a proper galarishwoman should never miss teatime!!! some nice hot tea can cure anyone's thirst!!!" A lightbulb goes off in Gloria's head. "ma'am can i borrow some of this tea" "oh sure sure" Gloria rushes out of the old lady's house and heads to the guard checkpoint to Saffibbly Cibbly. "citizen i'm thirsty" "have some TEA" Gloria violently splashes the near-boiling hot tea onto the guard. "AH BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER" "I AM GOING TO PASS THROUGH THIS CHECKPOINT AND TELL YOUR THIRSTY FRIENDS THAT I AM GOING TO PASS THROUGH THEIRS AS WELL" "YES MA'AM"
Triumphant, Gloria passes through each and every checkpoint multiple times, eventually ending off back in Lavibbly Tibbly. Gloria climbs the tower and sees that the ghosts inside are mere Gastlys, and not Spiritombs like she'd hoped. On the penultimate floor, the final ghost Gloria encounters is something different. "is that a marowak?!" The Marowak swipes at Gloria with its large bone. "BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT" Karatimmolator complies, and the Marowak is defeated. "hey thanks for calming down marowak's spirit have this flute" "uh thanks"

CHIBBLY THIRTEEN:
Gloria heads south from Lavibbly Tibbly, and comes across a gigantic sleeping Snorlax. She attempts to climb over, but has no luck. Rummaging through her bag, Gloria finds the Pokeflute and begins to play it. Unfortunately, Gloria had never learned how to play an instrument, so the noise she makes is loud and cacophonous. The Snorlax grumpily wakes up, but Gloria hucks a Pokéorb at it before it can do anything, and captures it.
Gloria continues south until she reaches Fuschibbly Cibbly, which houses an impressive Safari Zone. "hey miss welcome to the safari zone; we are currently holding a contest: find the secret hut and we'll give you the HM for surf!!! which you will need to get to a later gym because there is no boat that goes there!!!" "oh thanks" "also if you see some golden teeth, please return them to the warden; he is offering the HM for strength as a reward, which you will also need later" "need anything else? are you, perhaps, thirsty? is someone offering the HM for dive in exchange for a backrub?" "listen lady do you want this shit or don't you" Gloria sighs, and finds both the HM for surf and the golden teeth in the safari zone. Gloria then turns her attention toward the Fuschibbly Cibbly gym, lead by the ninja Honda.
"yo CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY honda uses poison-types" "OKAY" Gloria confidently charges forward, right into an invisible wall. "oh right should have mentioned that" Gloria carefully navigates the gym, bumping into many invisible walls, until she gets to Honda. "hello trainer i am honda i look forward to an intense match" "same here; GO KARATIMMOLATOR" "GO KOFFING" "..." "what" "sorry, i just wasn't expecting you to actually do anything" After a hard-fought battle, Gloria finally earns herself a soul badgibbly.

CHIBBLY FOURTEEN:
Gloria flies back to Pibbly Tibbly and surfs south to get to Cibbly Ibbly, where the sixth gym leader, Blaise, lives. "so you're telling me the gym is locked" "yup" "and the only key is inside that abandonned mansion" "yup" "and the mansion itself is full of wild Pokémon, dangerous criminals, and pitfalls" "yup have fun!!!" Gloria sighs and trudges into the mansion, only coming out when she has the gym key.
"YO CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY blaise designed this gym so you have to solve quiz questions to proceed" "well i can't complain after vermibbly" "that's the spirit!!!" Gloria walks up to the first quiz station. "WHO'S THAT POKéMON" "IT'S PIKACHU" "correct, it is pikachu, the best Pokémon" "hello trainer i am blaise i look forward to an intense match" "same here; GO KARATIMMOLATOR" "GO RAPIDASH" After a hard-fought battle, Gloria finally earns herself a volcano badgibbly.

CHIBBLY FIFTEEN:
With nothing else to do, Gloria finally returns to Saffibbly Cibbly, hoping to defeat Hermione and earn her seventh gym badgibbly, but a Team Rocket goon is blocking the entrance. "excuse me i need to get in here" "that's nice" "yeah so could you like move" "no" "please" "no" "why what's wrong are you thirsty?" "no i've just been told not to let anyone past until we're done taking over silph co's galar branch" "..." "..." "well i guess i'm off to stop you retards from taking over silph co" "wait no don't do that" "then get out of my way" "um no" "well bye then" "oh come on don't force me to make a hard decision"
"hello and welcome to silph co; the boss of team rocket is currently holding our president hostage in his office on the top floor" "oh okay thanks" Gloria walks over to the elevator. "wait what are you doing going to the elevator" "i'm going to the top floor to rescue your president" "the elevator doesn't take you anywhere that connects to the boss's office silly!!!" "then what do i take the stairs?" "pfft no way; the boss's office can only be accessed via teleportation panels!!!" "..." "..." "WHAT" "geez it's like you've never been to an office building before"
After much trial and error, Gloria finally finds the sequence of teleportation pads that takes her to the president's office on the top floor. "SO YOU'VE COME AT LAST MISS GLORIA" "yeah yeah listen i don't care what you're doing here i just want to get into the gym" "well tough shit kid; we're battling HERE AND NOW" Gloria sighs and has her overleveled Karatimmolator destroy all of Giovanni's Pokémon. "fine fine we'll all leave but i WILL have my revenge!!!" "whatever" "thank you miss allow me, the president of a multi-billion quid organisation, reward you with this purple Pokéorb" "gee"

CHIBBLY SIXTEEN:
With Silph Co. saved, Gloria turns her attention to the city's gym. "yo CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY" "uh hey is this gym just like one room" "no way chibbly in the mibbly; every room in this gym can only be accessed by teleporter pads!!!" "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT" Once again, Gloria trials and errors her way through teleporter pad after teleporter pad until she finally reaches Hermione. "hello miss gloria i am hermione and i can see the future" "oh so do i win the fight" "yeah here you go" Hermione hands Gloria the marsh badgibbly, assured of her own defeat.
With this, there is only one badge left. Gloria returns to Viribbly Cibbly to challenge the mysterious eighth gym leader. "yo CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY no one knows the identity of this city's gym leader so uh good luck" Gloria scans the gym, and sees nothing but locomotion tiles on the ground. "not a-buggery-gain" Gloria sighs as she steps onto a locomotion tile, and is whisked away, spinning and spinning, to the gym leader. "SO WE MEET AGAIN MISS GLORIA; I, GIOVANNI, THE EIGHTH GYM LEADER, AND ALSO LEADER OF TEAM ROCKET, WILL-" Gloria violently throws up on Giovanni once again, dizzy and disoriented from all the spinning. "i really should have had those tiles removed" "i wanna go home" "just take the damn badgibbly and get out"

CHIBBLY SEVENTEEN:
With all eight badgibblies in hand, Gloria returns home to sleep. She sleeps and sleeps until her head finally stops spinning, then heads for Vibbly Ribbly. After making her straight shot through the linear Vibbly Ribbly, Gloria arrives at the top of the Indibbly Platibbly, ready to face the Elite Four. "yo CHIBBLY IN THE MIBBLY good luck" "that's it?" "yeah good luck" "well thanks; you've been a good friend" "your standards must be pretty low" "yeah i know"
Gloria battles her way through Aurora, Chad, Beatrice, and even Lancelot, winning her way to face the champion. "so we meet again, GLORIA" "sorry who are you" "..." "..." "it's me, LEON, the champion!!!" "who" "WHAT but we meet at nibbly bribbly and on the s.s. anne and did they actually CUT OUT ALL OF MY SCREENTIME?!" "i guess so" "goddammit well i'm going to make up for it by kicking your fucking ass" "good luck with that GO KARATIMMOLATOR" "level 100?! what the FUCK" "victory road was full of audinos" Leon sends out all his Pokémon, even his Charizard, but is unable to covercome Gloria's Karatimmolator and her pile of max potions. "HOP I CAME WHEN I HEARD-oh i mean uh GLORIA I CAME WHEN I HEARD YOU'D DEFEATED THE CHAMPION!!! I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU!!!" Professor Magnolia hides her 'go Hop' signs behind her back. "oh thanks" "now you and your Pokémon will forever be immortalised in the hall of fame!!!" "finally, some recognition for my hard work"
THE END

HALL OF FAME:
Karatimmolator (level 100)
Magikarp (level 5)
Abra (level 10)
Bellsprout (level 12)
Snorlax (level 30)