A Thing Gaiden 17: Kathy (2018)

CHAPTOUR ONE:
A line of three women waits outside the Kathy Magazine Canadian HQ for the arrival of the magazine's namesake, so that they can receive an interview to hopefully become Kathy's intern. At the crack of noon, Kathy enters through the front door and puts up a sign reading 'INTERN AUDITIONS TODAY; NO GHOSTS ALLOWED'. "REALLY" Claire throws her arms into the air and storms off, upset at the blatant discrimination against the incorporeal.
"so miss uh dawn any questions before we begin the interview" "yeah the want-ad didn't mention, how much does this pay?" Kathy jabs her finger at a button on the underside of her desk, sending Dawn hurtling down a trap door, then chucks Dawn's application into the trash can. "NEXT" A young blonde woman nervously steps into Kathy's office. "so you're uh claire?" "uh no claire left once you put up the 'no ghosts allowed' sign" "oh" Kathy hucks Claire's application into the trash. "so you are the final applicant, miss sara gagnon" "it looks that way yes" "any questions before we begin" "uh no" "sign this" Kathy pulls a form out of her desk. "'the party or parties who sign(s) this document will henceforth become the intern of one katherine emily orenstein and will be subject to all of her whims and be blamed for anything that goes wrong under kathy's leadership; further, the signer(s) of this document waive all right to fair and just compensation to their services as long as they are under the employ of the aforementioned kathy; if the signer(s) wish(es) to quit their duties as outlined by this document, the aforementioned party or parties must give two week's notice to kathy so that she may come up with ways to bar the party or parties from ever finding work again'" Sara looks up over the top of the document. "really?" "don't worry i have another one written up in the event that you actually read that one" Kathy hands Sara a second form. "why is credit card number a blank on here" "oh you noticed that? pay it no mind; we can discuss that later"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"now that we've come to terms on a contract, you can officially start your first day of being my slave" "one of the terms was that you couldn't call me your slave" "oh right; your first day of being my indentured servant" "whatever" Kathy hands Sara her appointment book. "read to me my appointments for the day" "noon: interview slave applicants" "check" "noon-thirty: film commercial for the KATHY KRATE" "oh yeah; to the film room!!!" The Kathy symbol appears on-screen as Kathy and Sara are warped to the film room. "okay all you have to do is press record before i start and stop after i finish" "makes sense" "all right let's go"
"GREETINGS; have you ever wished that you had more kathy in your life? well now that is possible!!! introducing: THE KATHY KRATE!!! every month you will receive a small box in the mail containing one random page from a random back issue of kathy magazine!!! you might get a different one each time but more likely you will end up with a hundred page 53s of issue 128!!! subscribe now for only $100 per month to automatically be entered into a contest where ZERO lucky winners will be chosen to meet me!!! kathy!!! just call 1 (800) 555-KATHY with your credit card information handy!!!"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"hey intern do you know anything about web design" "more than the average i suppose" "great i've been told my website isn't very good so could you like add some flames or something" Kathy navigates Sara over to http://www.kathymagazine.com/ . "this is just a link redirecting you to your distributor's site which says 'special offer: two years of kathy magazine for only four times the price of one'" "yeah it's a great deal so just kind of do whatever as long as you get the message across" "okay i guess" Kathy walks off as Sara pulls out a 'how to code' book she'd bought as a refresher.
"how's it coming" "it's done" Sara shows Kathy a light green background with purple headers and the proper Kathy Magazine logo. Basically, it looks like a real-ass website. "see on the front it's got your 'special offer' but we can add tabs for 'about kathy' or 'preview of the magazine'" "uh no if they want to know all that they will have to buy the magazine i am not a library; that is why all my newsstand copies come in plastic clamshell packaging" "o-okay" "good job nonetheless; just leave it like it is and pack up for the day; we've got a full day ahead of us tomorrow" "all right"
THE END