St. Patrick's Day Special 2012

ST. PATRICK'S SPECIAL AND SHIT:
Eif walks into the house after a long, hard day of work. "amiee :3 i'm home" "eif i'm so happy to see y-..." "..." "..." "..." "i'm sorry to have to do this" Amiee :3 pinches Eif as hard as humanly possible. "ow" "i'm sorry but you forced my hand" "what" "you are not wearing green" "neither are you" "sigh" Amiee :3 lifts up her skirt. "oh" Amiee :3 rolls her eyes and returns to her newspaper. "i am going to leave this country in favour of one that isn't GAY" "have fun" Eif heads to China. "oh hey jakey wha-" Jakey brutally pinches Eif. "FUCK MY LIFE" Tony, Taylor, Michelle, Sheriff Antony, and Bran encircle Eif and take turns mercilessly pinching him. "i hate you all" Eif returns home to devise a plan for REVENGE.
Eif comes out of hiding after a year of careful planning. "hey eif how is it being GAY and UNFESTIVE" "it's rather nice" "you know what must be done" Jakey lifts his hand and grabs Eif's face skin in between his thumb and index finger. Eif uses this opportunity to punch Jakey in the face, hard. "ow that wasn't nice" "old" Jakey looks at the floor dejected. "you're kind of lame you know that" "TAKE THAT BACK" "no" Eif begins to sweat. "well then" "it appears we have reached an impasse" Eif and Jakey turn their backs to eachother, walk five steps forward, and spin around again. "i'm sorry it had to come to this" Jakey and Eif draw their revolvers. Eif's bullet skims past Jakey's favourite ear. "nooooooooooooooooo" Jakey's bullet enters Eif's gun, causing it to explode. "ow" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Adrian runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of proud. Anal shoots from Mercutio's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "phyllyp stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"