Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] IX

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"jakey i got the mail" "what did we get!!!" "bills" "for what" "electricity" "but i have ten million volts coursing through my body" "what since when" "since years ago when rpgboot one happened" "i don't remember that" "it was shortly before eif killed you" "..." "..." "jakey i'm not dead" "neither am i but i've died many times" "..." "..." "you need to lie down" "why does everyone but me have amnesia!!!" "jakey i'm serious i'll make soup" "I'M NOT GOING TO REST UNTIL I GET TO THE BOTTOM O-hey look tv" Jakey sits down to watch his favourite television programme, SpongeBob SquarePants. "hello doctor i think jakey's gone insane" "gee whatever gave you that idea" "well he's remembering things" "OH DEAR" "yeah i m-... wait what was i doing" "hello who is this" "i could ask the same question to YOU" "go ahead" "hello who is this" "what are you wearing" Michelle hangs up the phone. "the nerve of some people" "NO SPONGEBOB DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR" "jakey why is the mail on the table" "didn't you get it" "i don't remember that" "gee" "oh look it's a letter" "i know right" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Jakey runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of lightning. Lightning shoots from Jakey's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "jakey stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"oh man i had sex with like fifty aliens last night" "that's why you're the captain!!!" Eif walks in wearing a dark red shirt. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" "sitting down" "why are you wearing that shirt!!!" "it's laundry day" "it was nice knowing you" "come on what's the worst that could happen" Eif grabs his comb and spontaneously combusts. "fuck" "i warned you about red bro" "it keeps happening!!!" "i told you dog!!!" Eif falls to the floor, burnt to a crisp. "hey bro we're in harlequin foetus knight space" "OH SHIT" "sup bro" "oh um we were just-" "dying?" "um no" "more like yes" The harlequin foetus ship launches lasers and shit at the Adventureship Love-shoe. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ORANGE" Jakey shakes his fist at Ensign Orange's corpse before the entire ship explodes, sending them all hurtling into space. "fuck this" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Bran runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "bran stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"hello i am dr. acula" "hello dr. acula" "there have been murders and shit" "old" "also blood has been drained out of every body" "gasp" "go find out who did it!!!" "okay dr. acula" "i have found a blood trail!!!" "oh that's mine" "oh" "so like um" "did you do it jakey" "no" "did you do it bran" "no" "well i'm out of ideas" "hey did you do it dr. acula" "HOW DID YOU KNOW" "i did?!" "how did you know i am dracula!!!" "gee dr. acula it was just a lucky guess" "dr. acula will you read me a bedtime story" "sure" Dr. Acula reads the five a bedtime story and tucks them in. "sleep tight my little" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Taylor runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "taylor stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"jakey your mission is to infiltrate eif's house and plant incriminating evidence suggesting that he is in fact not that cool" "sounds fun" "this is a sneaking mission you must not be seen!!!" "don't worry" Jakey dons a cardboard box and sprints into Eif's house. "a cardboard box with legs oh ho what will they think of next" Jakey puts an "i am not that cool" sign on Eif's back and heads for the door. "I AM TONY BLESSED WITH SUPER LUCK" "super" "BUT I CAN'T DIE KILL ME BRO KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME" "um" Jakey sweats and shoots at Tony. "YOU ARE A FAGGOT" "why don't you try drowning or falling off a building" "..." "..." "THAT IS A STUPID IDEA AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR HAVING IT" "jakey what are you doing" "oh colonel this guy i-" "HE WAS NEVER A PART OF THE SIMULATION IGNORE HIM" "but he's here right now" "JAKEY I WILL TERMINATE THIS MISSION" "I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW I CAN DO WHAT I WANT" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Eif runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "eif stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"hey bro you should totally retrieve my gameboy" "okay" "sounds heroic as fuck" "hey look houses" "TIME TO BURGLE" They burgle. "HEY LOOK TV" "oh wow it's a ninja" "and i thought this story couldn't sink any lower" "how do we defeat a ninja!!!" "I HAVE AN IDEA how about we stab it" "go on" "in the face" "hmm" "with our swords" "it'll never work" "oh" "i have an idea!!!" Jakey gives the ninja his TV. "what the fuck jakey!!!" "we were gonna watch spongebob!!!" "HEY IT'S ME MR. GOAT YOU SHOULD UM DO THINGS" "sounds good" "hello i am a monkey and i am going to punch you" "monkey punch?!" "i thought it was don-" The monkey punches Eif. "ow that hurt" "really i heard it was falc-" The monkey punches Jakey. "ow that hurt" "you deserved that one" "i guess i did" "what should we do!!!" "about what" "the monkey" "what monkey" "good question" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Tony runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "tony stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"oh boy oh boy" Jakey's plane arrives in scenic Georgia. "i'm in a bind because my stamp collection is way behind so i'm looking to make a deal" Jakey comes across Taylor admiring his stamp collection and gazing at it fondly. Jakey jumps up on a hickory stump. "boy let me TELL YOU WHAT i'll guess you didn't know it but i'm a stamp collector too and if you'd care to make a dare i'll make a bet with you now you collect some pretty good stamps boy but give ol' jakey his due i'll bet an oven of gold against your stamp collection 'cos i think i'm better than you" "my name is taylor and it might be a sin but i'll take your bet you're gonna regret 'cos i'm the best there's ever been" "taylor grease up your pan and bake that casserole hard 'cos hell's broke loose in georgia in jakey deals in stamps and if you win you get this shiny oven made of gold but if you lose jakey gets your stamp collection" Jakey opens up his oven. "i'll start this show" Fire flies from Jakey's fingertips as he greases up his pan, and he layers that hamburger across the bottom and it rests quite comfortably. Then a band of demons joins in and they cut up some vegetables. "well you're pretty good old son but sit down in that chair right there i'll show you how it's done fire on the mountain run boys run" "..." "jakey's in the kitchen of the rising sun" "what" "chicken in the bread pan pickin' out dough" "what the fuck are you making" "granny does your dog bite no child no" "why do i always get the insane ones" Jakey bows his head, because he knows that he's been beat. He hires UHAUL to deliver the oven to Taylor's house. "jakey just come on back if you ever wanna try again 'cos i told you once you son of a bitch i'm the best there's ever been fire on the mountain run boys run" "stop" "jakey's in the kitchen of the rising sun" "what is this" "chicken in the bread pan pickin' out dough" "seriously why would you bake chicken in a bread pan" "granny does your dog bite no child no" "are we cooking dogs or something" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Fraibel runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of it. It shoots from Fraibel's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "fraibel stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"hey guys i thought the formula was getting stale so here's a sixth party member" "what!!! we can barely keep track of five!!!" "it's a girl" "imokaywiththis.jpg" "here she is her name is amanda her power is grass" "grass?! that's lame" "like really SUPER-lame" "what would you rather have" "well metal wou-" "PASTRY" "DONE" "why do i even bother" "this is the best streudel i've ever had!!!" "i've had better" "0/10" "wanna fight about it" "YES" Jakey and Taylor fight about it. "so amy-" "amiee :3" "er... amiee :3 would you like to have sexual intercourse with me" "nah" "what if i wore this false moustache" "not feeling it" "what if... YOU wore this false moustache" "FUCK YES" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Amiee :3 runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of pastry. Pastry shoots from Amiee :3's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "amiee :3 stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"hey michelle i totally had sex with amiee :3 last night" "wow eif you are such a playing-guy" "i am very proud of my 8.5/10 playing-guy score in playing-guy magazine" "wow they should make a videogame about your life" "they did it is called meet'n'fuck kingdom" "wow this is such a great game" "i know right" "i feel as if my engorged member is actually thrusting into these middle-aged girls" "later you get to fuck the queen" "0/10" "not even trolling" "this is the best day of my life" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Michelle runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of light. Light shoots from Michelle's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "michelle stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"hey amiee :3 how does it feel being a-" "a girl?! i like being a girl girls are great" "no i meant how does it feel being a master of the pastriotic arts" "oh well as a girl which i totally am by the way i feel that pastry is a way for us girls like me to totally save the world as the world is full of girls like me" "... okay..." "did i mention i'm a girl" "not to my knowledge, no" "well i totally am-a girl that is" "i never would have guessed" "oh my god hello amiee :3 i'm michelle i'm totally a girl too" "no way" "totally" "come let us do girl things" Michelle and Amiee :3 wander off aimlessly. "what just happened" "i think it's some kind of girl thing" "oh that sounds logical" Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Veronica runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of girl. Girl shoots from Veronica's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "veronica stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
The six walk into a factory. "hey kids we got a shipment of legendary swords but we have no use for legendary swords here have some legendary swords" "sweet these'll look orgasmic next to my stamp collection" "and my oven made of gold" "FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME I GET IT YOU'RE BETTER AT FUCKING BAKING THAN ME, FUCKFACE" "touchy" The seven march off aimlessly and find a giant Herbert Moon. "amiee :3 use your grass powers!!!" "i have pastry powers" "wat" "why are you so useless amiee :3" The giant Herbert Moon gets a full house. "well this sucks" "hey i have an idea let's FREEZE the herbert moon" "butthurt" "butthurt" "THAT WON'T WORK YOU RETARD" "but guys ice is super effective to herb-" "butthurt" "i have an idea let's PASTRY the herbert moon" "that's brilliant!!!" "but guys ice" "stop being butthurt because pastry is super effective against herbert moons" The six love their way out of the giant Herbert Moon. "it sure is cold in the vacuum of space" "old" "butthurt" "old" The five float around aimlessly, when someone changes the HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK The five are emptied into the trash can and climb their way out. Then A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Taylor leaps at the harlequin foetus knight, slicing him in half. Bran runs towards the harlequin foetus knight's head, sword grinding against the ground. Bran releases his grip on the sword, sending it flying at the harlequin foetus knight, decapitating it. Jakey and Eif play strip poker. The harlequin foetus knight laughs, undamaged. "oh man it's gonna take some heavy firepower to take this guy on" Herbert Moon runs to the other side of the room, and gets struck by a bolt of grass. Grass shoots from Herbert Moon's hands at the harlequin foetus knight, destroying it instantly. "herbert moon stop attention-seeking" "but guys i didn't even do anything" "old"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
The five guys rush ahead to find a man. "oh guys it's rolf harris!!!" "who" "just this guy" "hello jakey" "rolf harris" "do you guys know where i can find a good hey! arnold joint" "we're going to avenge taylor's death" "that doesn't answer my question" "i don't even know who you are!!!" "oh well this is awkward" "butthurt" "well goodbye, friends" "i don't like your tone mistour" "old" Jakey draws his sword. Rolf Harris laughs and draws his sword as well.
Rolf Harris lunges towards Jakey with his sword outstretched, lopping his head clean off. Bran fires some swords at Rolf Harris, but Rolf Harris ducks under them, and slides on his back towards Bran, chopping his feet off. Bran falls backward, allowing Rolf Harris to stab him in the stomach and tear his weapon straight through Bran's head. Rolf Harris then casually strolls over to Tony, and gives him the power of drivin'. Rolf Harris then shoots his hookshot at a nearby building and rapels up. Rolf Harris looks back at Bran and Jakey's lifeless bodies, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"so amiee :3 would you like to have dinner" "okay" The seven go to a fancy restaurant. "table for seven" "MAKE THAT EIGHT" Sheriff Antony swings down from the rafters and does a backflip, landing at the waiter's feet. "..." "..." "..." "that was awesome" "do that again" "it took me hours to climb into place" "oh" Jakey looks at his feet, disappointed. "maybe one day i'll teach you to do it" "gee thanks mister!!!" Sheriff Antony winks at Jakey and the eight head to their table. "so what would you like to order" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "i'll have the fondue" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" "great" The waiter leaves. "so um" "yeah" "who are you btw" "i'm the sheriff i fight for PEACE JUSTICE and DECENT MORTGAGE RATES" "i fucking love decent mortgage rates" Sheriff Antony winks at Amiee :3. "swoon" "here is your fondue" "great" "here is your fondue" "great" "here is your fondue" "great" "here is your fondue" "great" "here is your fondue" "great" "here is your fondue" "great" "here is your fondue" "great" "here is your fondue" "great" "have a nice meal" "thank" "thank" "thank" "thank" "thank" "thank" "thank" "thank" "OBTW i'm actually evil" "why amiee :3" "we trusted you amiee :3" "i inserted my penis into your vagina amiee :3" "dude high-five" Eif and Jakey high-five. "jakey one day you too will insert your penis into amiee :3's vagina" "oh boy" "guys evil here remember" "who are you again" "OH RIGHT you're under arrest and whatnot" "oh lame" Sheriff Antony handcuffs Amiee :3 and the seven eat their fondue. "okay one fondue left" "guys that is my fondue" "you are evil you do not get fondue" "fuck" Sheriff Antony attaches a piece of tape to the fondue and spins it. "whomever the paper points to will eat the fondue" "sounds fair" The fondue spins and spins and finally points to Amiee :3. Amiee :3's eyes light up. "the fondue sees the truth amiee :3 is not evil" "what" "that makes no sense" "FUCK YOU IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE" Sheriff Antony uncuffs Amiee :3. "i love happy endings" "but sh-" "SHE IS NOT EVIL JAKEY" "it hurts my feelings that you would even consider the possibility that i might be evil" "sigh"

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
Tony and the gang return home with the ball. "mother i" "save it the look on your face is enough" Tony and his mother embrace. A single tear streams down Tony's face, then lands on his mother's face and begins the streaming process anew. Tony and his mother engage in a passionate kiss and Tony carries his mother to bed for some HOT LOVIN TONIGHT. Michelle runs up to Jakey and the two embrace. "eeewww" "get a room you two" "NO U" "NO ME"
"lo all" Stevman does a kneeslide and plays a powerchord. "THAT'S OUR STEVMAN" Then Michelle's like "take me home". THE END.