A Thing of Beauty (2026)

Mission 001: Welcome Back [King Bran]
"jakey it's september 2026 and you know what that means" "all our favourite shows will be starting their newest seasons and inevitably disappointing us" "well yes but also: that demoness you married then killed is coming back" "oh right i'd forgotten" "how could you possibly forget that" "it's a gift" "regardless, we are fully prepared for a possible invasion" "is that what all the sandbags are for" "yes, building waist-high walls made of sandbags is the first step in the fortification process" "that's a lot of sand" "yeah the sand store ran out so i had to have my court mage bring in sand directly from the beach" "i bet the beachgoers loved that" "they did actually; it turns out that beachgoers actually hate sand, and when we replaced it with a carpeted floor, everyone was happy and beach attendance skyrocketed" "now if only you could get rid of that stupid sun ruining the beach experience" "i've got my best magisters working on it" Just then, Michelle bursts in and takes cover behind a waist-high sandbag wall. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Ortence missions]

Mission 002: Diplomacy for Dummies [King Bran]
"jakey good; jezzie is on her way over" "she called ahead?" "yeah she seemed sad so i invited her over" "you invited the evil demoness to the castle" "yes" "the one known for her desire to get horrible revenge, who historically destroyed poor carthage and salted the earth so nothing would ever grow there again" "she seemed really sad; you'd have done the same" "i doubt it" Just then, Jezzie somberly walks into the castle as Jakey takes cover behind a waist-high sandbag wall. "hi jakey it's good to see you" Jakey does not respond. "look, i'm sorry about before; i went too far, i know" Jakey is taken aback by the apology, despite not quite believing its sincerity. "i've decided to turn over a new leaf; rather than reconquering hell, as is tradition, i've decided to let lilith continue being queen of hell" "eleatrice is queen of hell" "really? never saw that one coming" "she had a great campaign" "regardless, i have decided to lead a quiet life among the people and not cause any more trouble" "i don't believe you" "that's fair i suppose; i've spent the last several million years being quite a pill" "uh yeah" "please take this trinket; it contains the last of my evil, and i want you to be its caretaker" "um, thanks" Michelle walks in, carrying a gigantic pill. "take this" Jakey opens wide as Michelle crams the gigantic pill down his throat. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jezzie missions/Lilith missions/Eleatrice missions]

Mission 003: A Return to Normalcy [King Bran]
"i'm glad that's over" "yeah now you can remove all these sandbags" "eh there will be a danger some other time so why unprepare yourself when you'll just have to prepare yourself again later anyway" "fair" "regardless, we have more pressing issues" "really?" "alabama's population of homeless people has fallen to critical levels" "fallen to critical levels? that makes no sense" "until today, not a single person in alabama was homeless, and this just won't do; who will wash our cars? pick up our discarded aluminum cans? wear our tattered old jackets? WELL NO LONGER I SAY!!! i have worked with alabama's top scientists to create THIS!!! THE ROBO-HOBO!!!" "she's cute" "well obviously; why would we try so hard to create something and not make it a cute girl? that's just silly" King Bran flips the switch, turning on the robo-hobo. "no matter how many jackets i put on, i am still programmed to feel cold" "oh that's no good" "no, that's an intended feature" "oh" "unfortunately, the processes that make her feel cold generate a lot of heat" "my cpu is overheating, but still i feel cold" "it's a work in progress" "fair enough i suppose" "i'm going to let the robo-hobo loose on the world soon as a test run so could you keep an eye on her? i'd do it, but i don't want to" "okay" Michelle walks in and hands the robo-hobo some spare change. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Robo-Hobo missions]

Mission 004: Spywork [Ortence]
"hey ortence what are you up to" "the king bran has instructed me to spy on the former queen of hell" "makes sense; she may seem remorseful, but she is a master of emotional manipulation" "yeah women tend to do that" "so what's she up to" "she just gave a one-hundred dollar bill to the robo-hobo" "oh that's nice of her" "it may seem that way, but by giving the robo-hobo that much money, she has caused the robo-hobo to be able to invest that hundred, and she has already earned thousands on the stock market" "the what market" "that's where rich people and robots put their money in a pool and make up fake stories about which money is increasing and which is decreasing" "why can't they just play blackjack like the rest of us" "i've got to inform KB about the robo-hobo's newfound riches" Ortence hits the alarm, and King Bran warps in. "oh dammit i knew i should have removed the robo-hobo's stock market interface" "why does she have that in the first place" "she was originally a stock market robot that my technology department modified" "and who exactly is in this technology department" "ortence" "of course" "why would i hire code monkeys when i can just have ortence modify the code with magic?" "fair enough i suppose" Ortence warps the Robo-Hobo into the room as Michelle walks in and gives the Robo-Hobo a one-hundred dollar bill. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/King Bran missions]

Mission 005: Overwork [Ortence]
"hey ortence nice monitors" "after the stock market debacle, the king bran has made me monitor not only jezzie, but also the robo-hobo and while he was at it, he installed a third monitor that shows the throne room, so he can show me the cool magic tricks he's learning" "are they cool?" "yeah one time he pulled off his thumb and it didn't bleed or anything" "wow" "unfortunately, between monitoring three feeds and keeping my orcish skin and musculature from crushing my weak human-like bones, i have no time to pursue my own cool magical experiments" "such as?" "you know how witches can fly on broomsticks? i was trying to figure out whether or not the broom part was integral, or we could fly on any old stick" "or even a mop" "the possibilities would be endless, but instead, i am endlessly stuck watching jezzie be a good samaritan and the robo-hobo freezing to death while simultaneously overheating" "well there are worse things to watch on television" "like most of it" Michelle finishes her popcorn. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 006: The Great Beyond [Jezzie]
"what was death like jezzie" "it's different for demonesses than for you humans; i was basically stuck in a room watching hulu" "not even netflix?" "no our sponsorship deal with netflix expired" "shame" "regardless, on hulu, i was able to watch this show about a guy who has done wrong in the past and made a list of all the people he has wronged to make it up to them and i thought: why not? sounds like a fun time" "he certainly gets up to wacky hijinks" "exactly; so unfortunately most of the people i wronged are long dead, so i left some flowers by some gravestones and i'm ready to start on the living" "so who's first on the list" "who's first is unimportant; we're going to work our way from the bottom instead" "fair enough i guess; lead the way" Jezzie poofs herself and Jakey away to Sophia's apartment. "oh it's you two; how's married life" "..." "..." "it's not bad" "nice, nice" "listen, sophia, i have come to apologise about tricking you into killing yourself" "ah it's fine; it all worked out in the end" "wow, this is easy" Jezzie slashes Sophia off the list and poofs away for a celebratory ice cream. "she's a keeper" "so i've been told" Michelle walks into Sophia's apartment and raids the fridge. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Unimportant missions/Sophia missions]

Mission 007: Righting Wrongs [Jezzie]
"next on my list is the inspector, ruth barlow" "i didn't even know she had been wronged by you" "i'm sure in the coming months, you will learn a lot about the circumstances you and your acquaintences live in" "now i'm curious" "let's roll" Jezzie poofs herself and Jakey away to Ruth's apartment. "APARTMENT INSPECTION" "GAH" Ruth leaps out of her bed in fright. "just kidding; i'm here to apologise" "for nearly startling me to death?" "okay, for that, and for making sure you'll never be able to accomplish your hopes and dreams" "pardon?" "you want to be a cop on TV right?" "yeah?" "well i didn't want you to become that, so i had your parents' parents killed by TV cops so they would be vehemently against the idea and force you into a career you hate" "what" "in fairness, while i was dead, i learned clairvoyance and used it to see your alternate future where i didn't ruin your life, and it doesn't look good" "huh?" "your TV cop show gets cancelled after two seasons and your only acting jobs from that point on are in embarrassing medication commercials" "that's horrible" "so by ruining your life, i have technically improved it overall" "um thanks?" "don't mention it" Jezzie crosses Ruth off her list and poofs away for ice cream. "you know, maybe i didn't get such a bad hand in life; i should focus on enjoying the life i have rather than pining for the one i don't" "ruth are you okay? you don't sound like yourself" Jakey puts his hand on Ruth's forehead. "you're burning up" "yeah can you drive me to the hospital" Jakey takes Ruth to the hospital, where Michelle is being discharged. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Ruth missions]

Mission 008: Forgiveness [Jezzie]
"i'm on a roll today jakey; next up is sabrina sable" "you just know everybody don't you" "it was my job" Jezzie poofs herself and Jakey away to The Twilit Forest. "sabrina sable, i am the demoness jezzie, and i am here to apologise" "are you the lady who cut me off on the freeway the other day? because i appreciate the apology but i already got all my frustrations out by stabbing his lifesize effigy of you over and over" "no that wasn't me" "oh shame" "do you remember the year 2007? you were supposed to give a speech at your school on fonts" "oh yeah but i got sick and couldn't give the speech" "yeah i was the one who made you sick" "pardon?" "you see, if you had given the speech, the entire school would have been obsessed with fonts, causing a worldwide interest in fonts, and ensuring that no one would ever misuse a sans or serif again" "what." "you would have been worldwide hero and everyone would pay to visit you talk about fonts well into your old age, but my job as the queen of hell prohibited me from allowing you such happiness and made me want to annoy people by making the average layman unable to choose a decent font; for this, i am truly sorry" "YOU MONSTER!!!" Sabrina leaps into the air with her twilit dagger shimmering in the moonlight. Jezzie steps backward, and Sabrina falls facefirst into the dirt. "uh i'll come back later" Jezzie poofs herself away for an ice cream to make up for her failure. "THIS ISN'T OVER!!! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!!!" Sabrina begins stabbing the ground over and over, pure rage flowing through her entire being. Michelle hands her a gun. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sabrina Sable missions]

Mission 009: Pretrayal [Lilith]
"what's with all the sandbags lilith" "jezzie's back, and i have to shore up our defenses; waist-high walls are a must" "jezzie's turned over a new leaf; she's trying to make up for all the bad things she did" "i don't believe it; this is a ruse to try and get us to let our guard down; she's reconquered hell countless times, taking us all out on a whim" "if she's so powerful, she wouldn't need a ruse like this" "it's not that she needs it; it's that it's fun to her to lie and cheat" "i don't know, she's been telling the truth a lot lately to her own chagrin" "telling the truth of a few of her machinations to 30+-year-old women and seeing their reactions is also her idea of fun; if she was truly repentant, she'd have undone the wrongs she committed in 1723" "she's done a lot of wrongs in the last 300 years" "none as great as the horrors of 1723, trust me; she went further than even i ever could" "would you care to elaborate" "no, i'll let you stew on the mystery for a while; go to this address" Lilith hands Jakey a piece of paper and boots him out of the country. "leanthe? never heard of her" Jakey turns to see Michelle taking cover behind a waist-high wall of sandbags. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Leanthe missions/Jezzie missions]

Mission 010: Resource Management [Lilith]
"lilith is that a waist-high wall made of goblins" "i ran out of sandbags" "that doesn't look comfortable" "oh pshaw; they love it, right, background goblin #4?" "i like being part of something bigger than myself" "see? so how did your trip to see leanthe go" "i haven't gone yet" "what why not" "i wanted to see what would happen if i turned right around and came back immediately" "fair enough i suppose, but i have no new information for you" "to be expected really; i'll meander for a bit, then go do the thing you wanted me to do" "feel free to take a goblin with you; keep it as a pet or whatever" "oh don't mind if i do" Jakey grabs Background Goblin #4 from the bottom of the stack, causing the whole thing to collapse. "i'd be angry if that wasn't exactly what i would have done" "i'll just stuff this into my inventory; i'm sure it will be useful later" Jakey stuffs Background Goblin #4 into his inventory, and Michelle pops out. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 011: Get It Together [Eleatrice]
"what's with all the sandbags eleatrice" "jezzie's back, and i have to shore up our defenses; waist-high walls are a must" "so i've heard" "and you can't trust jezzie's repentant attitude; she's a menace and my administration has made leaps and bounds in just one short year" "i noticed that you have a lot more thorn bushes planted around" "yes; our plantlife is important here in hell, but also our road signs" "yes, i love how you have a new speed limit every thirty feet that requires you to stomp on the gas and brakes constantly, destroying your car" "i take road safety very seriously" "i also love the stop signs that appear and disappear randomly and the crosswalks with winding, looping paths" Eleatrice bows. "and the best touch, the chef's kiss, is how you replaced main street with a hedge maze" "that took a lot of manpower, and i'm glad to see someone appreciates it" "how could anyone not appreciate it" Just then, Michelle walks in, having carved a path through the hedge maze with a chainsaw. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 012: Planning for the Future [Robo-Hobo]
"hey robo-hobo how's the homelessness treating you" "someone gave me five bucks today, which i used on a twelve-pack of soda; once i finish the sodas, i will have twelve cans to return for one nickel each; an investment in my future" At the mention of investment, the Robo-Hobo is warped away, then warped back instantly. "it's a figure of speech; you'd think KB would have more confidence in his court wizard to remove my stock market programming" "oh yeah are you upset that they did that to you" "i was at first, but removing the background stock market processes actually alleviated the CPU overheating problem" "that's good" "yes, it allowed me to wear this nice blanket without fear of overheating, but still i feel cold" "it must be rough being custom-built to suffer" "at least they made it so i can satisfy my hunger and thirst; this bag of CPU chips i just ate was delicious" "how'd you get those" "fell off a truck" "really" "yes, i am programmed never to steal so it's a legitimate asset claim" "fair enough i suppose" Michelle walks up and hands the Robo-Hobo a submarine sandwich. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Ortence missions]

Mission 013: Measured Improvements [Robo-Hobo]
"hey robo-hobo, i got you a present" "oh boy is it a food" "no, but it's a means to acquire food" "a fishing pole?!" "even better; ta-da" Jakey holds out Background Goblin #4. "is that a goblin" "yes, and now it's your pet" "i don't see how having another mouth to feed will help me" "you know how you're programmed not to steal? background goblin #4 is under no such programming; goblins have no morals either so as background goblin #4 won't believe it to be stealing, your programming will accept the gifts given to you by it" "i like your thinking; hey background goblin #4 can you get us something to eat" "good idea" Background Goblin #4 leaves and returns with a pizza. "this is the best day of my life" As Robo-Hobo and Background Goblin #4 mow on their new pizza, Michelle wakes up from her slumber inside Robo-Hobo's hobo shack. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 014: Checks and Balances [King Bran]
"jakey i saw what you did for the robo-hobo" "oh you did?" "that was a terrible move; that goblin stole for robo-hobo the keys to an abandoned house, meaning that robo-hobo is no longer homeless, DEFEATING THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE ROBO-HOBO" "oh" "it's fine though; we all make mistakes" "that tone sounds ominous" "i have reset the robo-hobo's memory to before you gave it the goblin, and have deposited the goblin into a volcano" "what is it with you and dropping goblins into volcanoes" "it's my life's passion" "i should probably go fish it out" "please don't" "that goblin was a gift, and it would be really awkward if i was asked what happened to it, then i had to reply 'it's in a volcano'" "goblins love volcanoes" "i don't think that's right" "that's what the biology textbooks say" "the ones you had commissioned" "i fail to see how that's relevant" Michelle walks in and points to the page in the biology textbook on Michelles and their love of being taken home. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Robo-Hobo missions]

Mission 015: Future Dread [Unimportant]
Jakey walks in to see Jezzie and Unimportant together at last. "hello i have come to apologise for my wrongdoing" "oh that whole 'using me as a footstool' thing? ah forget about it; i'm sure i was very comfortable" "okay thank you for your understanding; i'll be back later to apologise for the other, much worse thing i did to you" "oh okay" Jezzie disappears in a puff of smoke for ice cream. "wait what? much worse thing?! jakey do you know what this much worse thing is?" "just a moment" Jakey dips out to call his lawyer. "hello my name is natalie belrose, i am the attorney for one jakey, prince of canada; my client legally has no knowledge of what the 'much worse thing' is, as alluded to by one jezzie, former queen of hell" "a simple 'no' would have sufficed and been much less suspicious" "sign here to confirm that you've heard and understood the previous statement" Unimportant signs Natalie's paper. "as of this signing, you are legally unable to be angry at my client for any reasons related to one jezzie, former queen of hell" "okay i guess i'll just sit here and dread the news i'm going to get at some indeterminate point in the future; my horoscope told me to do that anyway" "attagirl" Natalie pats Unimportant on the head and leaves, only to return with Michelle. "hello my name is natalie belrose, i am the attorney for one michelle, princess of canada; my client has come to me regarding a breach of contract; please follow my client's directions to avoid a future lawsuit" "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Natalie missions]

Mission 016: Calming Aura [Unimportant]
"hey unimportant, how are you holding up?" "i'm fine; my horoscope has told me to get a pet so i've done just that" "oh what did you get? a dog?" "no, i got a goblin" "hello" "oh smart; goblins make great pets because they're almost as intelligent as sentient beings" "i know right? i even managed to get one that likes to clean" "what's its name" "background goblin #5" "hey mister have you seen my sister, background goblin #4" "the king of alabama threw her into a volcano" "oh well as long as she's safe" Background Goblin #5 returns to her colouring book. "what a nice goblin" "i know right? she likes to curl up at the foot of the bed and one time i had one of my signature night terrors and kicked her off the bed and she didn't even yip" "impressive" Michelle walks in with a whole gaggle of goblins on a leash. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/King Bran missions]

Mission 017: For the Good of the Nation [Sophia]
"so what have you been up to lately sophia" "over the spring/summer, i singlehandedly wiped out the homeless population of alabama" "oh really?" "yes, i'm very proud of it; those dirty hobos will no longer steal my aluminum cans and spray my car with their disgusting fluids" "you don't have a car" "au contraire" Sophia holds up a Hot Wheels car. "oh nice uh pink van" "yeah it's got the surfboards out the back and everything in case i want to go surfing" "so was this economic cleansing a passion project or did you get paid" "can't it be both? when eleatrice proposed the idea, i was instantly on board" "fair enough i suppose" "i'm sure the king bran is happy that those unsightly hobos are gone too so win-win; i should go apply for a national medal" "i wouldn't if i were you" "huh?" "KB is extremely upset at what you've done" "what why" "he liked the hobos spraying his car and picking up his aluminum cans" "weird" "so whatever you do, don't economically cleanse his new billion-dollar robo-hobo" "i will never understand royalty" Michelle walks in and sprays down Sophia's car. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Eleatrice missions]

Mission 018: The Pursuit of Happiness [Ruth]
"you look chipper today ruth; i've never seen that before" "what jezzie said has changed my outlook; i was spared future heartbreak by getting it early; i can move past it and be the best inspector i can be" "i've known you for eight years and you've been a sadsack that whole time; it's nice to see a happysack" "now if you'll excuse me, i must inspect these jockstraps WITH GUSTO!!!" Ruth wades into the sea of dirty jockstraps, 'FAILED' stamper in hand. "aHA!!! take THAT!!! and THAT!!! you want some of this?! TAKE THAT!!!" Soon, not a single strap - jock or otherwise - is left unfailed. "okay shift over" "so what now" "oh uh i don't know; this is when i usually mope around until bed" "don't you have any hobbies?" "yeah, moping" "so it sounds like you need a new hobby" "yes, and the world is my oyster; as a 31-year-old woman, i am in the prime of my life" "most would disagree with that statement, but i approve" "i think i am going to join a sport league" "really? you don't strike me as the sporty type" "are you kidding me? i was captain of the skins team in high school" "oh right now i remember; your freshman tits jiggling about" "exactly; next mission, i will be a sports(wo)man" "i look forward to it; i'll meet up with you right after i take michelle home" Michelle pokes her head up from underneath the pile of jockstraps. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 019: Sports [Ruth]
"here it is jakey: my new hobby" Ruth holds out her broom. "you became a maid?" "ha, ha ha ha; you are a funny person; you should do comedy, become a comedier" "i don't get the joke" "i am going to take part in the sport of kings and also queens - curling" "curling? like, hair?" "are you just pretending to be dumb" "yes" "describe for me the object of curling; i know you know it" "a team of four attempts to get their curling stones as close to the center of the target as possible; each team takes turns, and scores points for every curling stone of theirs that is closer to the center than the opposing team's closest stone" "see what happens when you're genuine and not hiding under ten layers of irony?" "yeah, it's boring" "anyway, i have been selected for the highly prestigous position of left sweeper on the skins team" "i'm glad that you didn't lose sight of your skinly pride" "even if i had, the shirts would never take me after what happened my senior year of high school" "oh yeah, that was on the news; 'the shirt massacre of 2012'" "those damn shirts deserved it; i'd do it again in a heartbeat" "a lot of bad blood between the shirts and the skins" "and a lot of good blood; the blood of shirts spilled by my skinly bretheren" Michelle walks up, clad in her uniform as the right sweeper for the skins. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 020: Caught in a Spiral [Sabrina Sable]
"hey sabrina how are you holding up" "my life is terrible and meaningless" "you never let it get you down before" "i had never been so thoroughly confronted with that fact before" "fair" The doorbell rings. "could you get that; it's my foodjewed order" Jakey opens the door and finds the post lady delivering the FoodJewed order. "THE FOOD MUST ALWAYS GO THROUGH!!!" The post lady dashes off. "sabrina, really? a subway sandwich? you've been boycotting that place every since they de-italicised and changed to a rounded W" "i don't have the energy to fight the good fight any more" "you sicken me" "what" "i deal with a lot of headcase women, but i actually respected your particular brand of headcasery; now you've swapped it for a BORING case" "i-" "are you going to eat this sandwich that defies everything you once stood for as a font afficionado, or are you going to be sabrina sable, the queen of the sans AND the serif?!" Sabrina looks at the sandwich, and takes it from Jakey's hands. She throws it in the garbage. "you're right; just because i missed out on my chance to succeed in the past doesn't mean i can't succeed in the future" "i wouldn't go quite that far, but it's a nice thought" Michelle walks in and grabs the still-wrapped Subway sandwich from the otherwise empty garbage can. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 021: The Way Forward [Sabrina Sable]
"jakey i did it i finally found the landfill where they threw all the old subway signs" "they're still in good shape too" "exactly so tonight i'm going to do what needs to be done" "you're going to replace every modern subway sign with the classic, then destroy the new ones?" "yes, then i will pay actors to overfill the subways and comment directly to the employees and managers that they are so glad the old subway logo is back, and that they refused to step foot inside a subway until they got rid of that horrible rounded W" "your plan sounds positively genius" "it worked when i did it with pizza hut" Michelle walks in with a new pudge, then eats a Subway sandwich and is instantly thin again. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 022: Peacefully Dreaming [Leanthe]
Jakey arrives at the address that was given to him and enters the building, where he finds a sleepy demoness. "are you leanthe?" "huh wha-oh sorry i was napping; what was that" "are you leanthe?" "yes, that's me; the demoness of grass and suchlike; i also created all four types of elves" "there are five types of elves now" "a fifth type of elf?! what else possibly could fit the theme of light, dark, snow, and regular?!" "blood elves" "THAT DOESN'T FIT AT ALL!!! i can't believe that people don't respect patterns in the YEAR OF OUR LORD 1997" "it's 2026" "just you wait until wynne hears about this; where did she get to anyway" "never heard of her" "what?! wynne, the demoness of wind?! how can you never have heard of her!!!" Jakey receives a ding in his pocket. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" "i have a message" "oh, please answer it; it must be important to have elicited such a loud ding" Jakey checks his message. "it's jezzie" "oh, the queen of hell" "not any more" "WHAT" "i killed her, there was this whole hellection thing, you know" "you killed her, and she's messaging you" "she apologised" "because you killed her?" "she admits she took things too far to get us to that point" "fair enough; what does her message say" "ahem: 'i banished wynne to the forbidden cluster back in 1723; my b'" "her b? she never even discussed her a!!!" "so what is this forbidden cluster thing" "oh you know how you can't kill a demoness for good? well what if instead, you banished her indefinitely to a place she can't get out of" "what's it like" "i've never been myself, but i hear it's just a grey box and they don't have internet access" "that sounds awful" "yeah well that's jezzie's whole thing; and speaking of whole things, i'm going to take a nap" Leanthe falls asleep, after having been awake for longer than she has been in the last millennium. Michelle hands Leanthe her teddy bear. "take me home"
[reward: respect +]

Mission 023: The Forbidden Cluster [Jezzie]
"so jezzie are you going to truly turn over that new leaf and free wynne from the forbidden cluster" "hey that's a good idea; i was just going to send a fruit basket into the forbidden cluster and maybe a gameboy so she'd have something to do" "until she runs out of batteries" "no need to worry about that; in the forbidden cluster, batteries grow on trees" "wow" "okay i'm opening the portal" Jezzie opens a portal to the Forbidden Cluster and tosses down a rope. Wynne tosses handfuls of batteries through the portal, then scampers up the rope. "hey jakey do you need any batteries" "not at the current moment, no" "thanks for freeing me in such a timely fashion; i never imagined you'd find out how to open a portal to the forbidden cluster so quickly!!!" "quickly?" "yeah, it's been like five minutes" "it's been over 300 years" "oh well i'll still count it as quick; you look pretty good for over 300 years old" "i'm a different jakey" "oh so your family's been working on freeing me for 300 years?! simply amazing" "um yeah let's go with that" "so how'd you manage it" "i broke jezzie's heart and pride so much that i seem to have completely destroyed her desire to do evil" Jezzie waves as she closes the portal. "yeah wynne i'm sorry for banishing you for over 300 years" "i'll forgive you, but only because i got all these batteries out of the deal" "nice; let's go get a celebratory ice cream" Jezzie and Wynne teleport off, leaving Michelle to teleport in. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Wynne missions]

Mission 024: Little Trouble [Jezzie]
"oh jakey good timing; you'll like my next apology; i know how much you like orcish women" "definitely in my top five types of women" Jezzie teleports herself and Jakey to the orcish boxing gym, where Octavia is punching a bag. "hello, miss octavia? my name is jezzie, former queen of hell" "um hi" "as queen of hell, i was party to many terrible evil acts, at least one of which directly affected you" "go on" "when you were growing up, i used an evil magick to stunt your growth so you'd be the shortest orc, capped out at 5'2, instead of reaching your true natural height of 5'5" "..." "..." "THAT'S STILL THE SHORTEST ORC" "no, oslynn is 5'4" "she's a snow orc - a snorc - it's a completely different ballgame" "i won't pretend to be an expert on orcish sociopolitical biases so i'll let you have that; either way, i'm sorry for what i did" "well uh can you undo it" "sorry, the magick i used was so foul (hence the "K" at the end) that it can only be undone by a genie and, trust me, good luck finding one that isn't a complete shithead because uh i trapped them all inside little lamps and made them servile to whomever rubs said lamp; sorry again" "it's okay, i guess; thank you for being honest with me" "any time; want to go get some ice cream" "definitely" Jezzie and Octavia teleport off, leaving the bag free for Michelle to punch. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Octavia missions/Nilla Waphyr missions]

Mission 025: A Bone to Pick [Ortence]
"hello miss ortence; my name is jezzie, former queen of hell" "uh hi" "you know how your bones are human-like and not able to support your orcish musculature and skin without the aid of magic?" "yes, i am aware; you could say my entire life was shaped by that" "well i've come to apologise; it was my doing" "what" "while you were in the womb, i magickally modified your bone structure because i was evil at the time; i do hope you can forgive me" "i don't know what to say" "may i make a suggestion" "no because i know exactly what that suggestion will be" "fair enough; i'll leave you to your life as you ruminate on this revelation that your entire life's struggle was due to the whims of one demoness, which, again, i apologise for" Jezzie teleports off to get some ice cream. "did you know about this jakey" "i can honestly say that this one is new to me" "this one?" "jezzie's done some fucked up shit right in front of me, but i didn't know about this one; makes sense though" "should i forgive her" "she seems genuinely repentant; she's willingly admitted to wrongdoing that no one even knew she did" Michelle walks in, carrying a pile of orcish bones, struggling mightily. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Jezzie missions]