Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] [Remaster] IV

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"my name is adam lambert and i have just turned ten years old; that means that it is time for me to receive my first Pokémon" "adam lambert who are you talking to back there" Adam Lambert hides his webcam behind his back. "uh no one" "well we are here now run along and receive your first Pokémon you little scamp" "yaaaay" Adam Lambert runs along to Professor Wonderboom's lab. "yo dog i'm here for my first Pokémon boyeeeeee" "well i promised that i'd give one to my grandson first but aw what the hell; take whichever one you'd like" "yaaayyyy" Adam Lambert runs over to the Pokémon table and grabs a Pokéorb, releasing his very first Pokémon, Blarshbabble. "BLARSH" "oh my GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD it is so amazing thank you professor wonderboom" "GRAMPS HOW COULD YOU" Crimson Wonderboom storms over to the Pokémon table and grabs his Pokéorb. "GO FARFIGNUGLETRON; DECIMATE HIS BLARSHBABBLE" Farfignugletron escapes the Pokéorb, and defeats Blarshbabble in one swift slice. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" "pssh nothing personal kid" "NUGLE" Crimson Wonderboom recalls Farfignugletron and heads for the next town. "i... i just wanted to be the very best... like no one ever was" A single tear streams down Adam Lambert's face as he stares at Blarshbabble's unconcious body. As Adam Lambert lay beside his fallen Pokémon, ages pass. Crimson Wonderboom becomes Pokémon Champion. Professor Wonderboom retires and is replaced by A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Super Ultra Street Fighter III: Third Strike Gold Edition Turbo HD Remix Director's Cut: Game of the Year Edition. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"okay team we need to branstorm new ideas for a new, revolutionary product that will take the food industry by storm" "don't you mean brainstorm" Bran stares holes through Junior Vice President Sean. "s-sorry" "how about a candy bar that is the opposite of other candy bars by having the chocolate on the inside and the caramel on the outside" "..." "..." "LORENZO THAT IS THE WORST IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD" "worse than kfc's double down sandwich?" "trick question; the double down wasn't a 'sandwich' because it lacked the defining feature of sandwiches: bread" "dammit you're right" "ooh ooh i have an idea" "shoot" "okay how about we take hamburger helper but instead of calling it 'hamburger helper' we call it 'meaty noodly casserole surprise'" "..." "..." The whole room begins to slowly clap. Soon, the room is full of nothing but thunderous applause. Herbert is given a raise and promotion, becoming the company's first-ever Senior Vice President. However, this doesn't make Junior Vice President Sean happy in the slightest. As he gets passed up for more and more awards and promotions, he begins to hatch a plan to have Senior Vice President Herbert executed by A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Command and Conquer: Renegade. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Bran runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of ice. Ice shoots from Bran's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job bran" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"yo dog you been in the gang for a long time and i'd like to share with you our biggest secret" "oh shit homie i'm down for that" Big Noodle leads Eif to an underground garage. "here it is dog" "HOLY SHIT A TARP" Big Noodle removes the tarp, but Eif's eyes stay focussed on the tarp. "here it is" Eif drapes the tarp over himself and dances and twirls around. "eif dog that is not the biggest secret" "how can you be more secret than a tarp" "well-" "OH MY GOD YOU'VE GOT TWO TARPS HAVEN'T YOU" "uh no" "then i'm not interested" "oh come on look at our secret" "no i am taking the tarp and leaving" "what no without that tarp our biggest secret will be exposed to everyone who enters this underground garage" "a tarp of this quality should be shown to the world" "HOMIES WE HAVE GOT AN EMERGENCY" The exits are sealed shut, and Eif is surrounded by THE FIFTH STREET HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHTS
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Roulette. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Taylor runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of wind. Wind shoots from Taylor's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job taylor" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FOUR:
"hello i would like to buy a coffee at this starbucks" "all right" The clerk stares at Jakey. "uh" "where is your container for the coffee" "oh shoot i must have left it at home" "well i can't serve you a coffee if you do not have a container" "could you point me to the starbucks container shop" "sorry we are fresh out of starbucks containers" "aw dang" Jakey pats down his person, frantically searching for a container. "aha!!! put it in this" "your wallet?" "it is a simple wallet, but a nice one nonetheless" "word up" The clerk pours coffee into Jakey's wallet. "that will be $15" "all right" Jakey reaches into his wallet. "AGH" Jakey drops his wallet, spilling coffee all over himself. "HURRY UP" "THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN LINE" "WE ALL WANT OUR OVERPRICED COFFEES TOO" "i'm trying!!!" "THAT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH" Jakey recoils in horror as he is approached by a menacing-looking HARLEQUIN FOETUS CUSTOMER
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Splashdown. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Eif runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of fire. Fire shoots from Eif's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job eif" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR FIVE:
"sire there is a peasant revolt outside" "a revolt?! but they didn't even volt the first time" "oh they did but you were sick that day" "oh dammit i always get sick during volts" "the peasants are petitioning for better treatment of peasants" "let me handle this frederickington" Jack Black exits onto the royal balcony. "PEASANTS I HAVE HEARD YOUR PLEAS AND I HAVE DECIDED TO GRANT YOUR REQUEST" "yayyyyyyyyyy" "BEHEADINGS FOR EVERYONE" "wait wait no wait i changed my mind" "yeah i do not want that any more" "no, i insist" Jack Black cackles maniacally as the royal guards escort the peasants to the royal guillotine. "any other business, frederickington" "yes, you are wanted to settle a land dispute between sir fredericksworth and A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip NASCAR Rumble. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Tony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of earth. Earth shoots from Tony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job tony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SIX:
"i challenge you to a race" "ooh that wasn't smart" "i-it wasn't?" "of course not" "w-why not" "because i am the best racer in the land" Jack White holds up his "Best Racer in the Land" certificate. "dude you printed that out from http://www.goodcertificates.com" "that does not make it any less valid in the nation of canada (quebec excluded)" "be that as it may, i am not backing down from my challenge" "what do i get if i win" "winner gets to name our boat" "since when do we have a boat" "winner also has to buy our new boat" "YOU'RE ON" "on your mark get set" "..." "..." "..." "..." "!" Jack White and Brendan Benson rocket off from the start line and run forward. "uh so where does this race end" "that's for me to know and you to find out motherfucker" Brendan Benson reaches into his pocket and throws sand in Jack White's eyes. "AUGH" Dazed, Jack White continues running, determined to get that boat. He bowls over Brendan Benson and runs straight off the island into the middle of the ocean. As his vision returns to him, he notices that he is stranded in the middle of the ocean on a brand new speedboat crowned "The S.S. Jack White is Cool" with his first mate, A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Michelle runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of light. Light shoots from Michelle's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job michelle" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR SEVEN:
"PRISONERS TO THE YARD FOR ROCK DUTY" "oh boy rock duty i love rocks" Orange jumps out of bed and moseys on over to the yard. "PRISONERS YOU ARE TO BREAK THESE ROCKS WITH THOSE PICKAXES" "WHAT NO" "what yes" "no i am not breaking these rocks; they are people too and as such are alive with thoughts + feelings" "what no they aren't" "are too" "are not times infinity" "FUCK" "now smash the shit out of these rocks" "NEVER" Orange grabs as many rocks as he can and leaps over the white picket fence surrounding the prison. "CATCH HIM" The prison guards run back through the prison and around the gates, but by that time, Orange has escaped to his happy place. "damn and he left no clues" "untrue; he left his fingerprints on this HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Yemen Roulette. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Amiee :3 runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of pastry. Pastry shoots from Amiee :3's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job amiee :3" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR EIGHT:
"WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL SURFBOARDING COMPETITION, ONE OF ALABAMA BAY'S PROUDEST TRADITIONS" "i am going to win the surfboarding competition" "pfft fat chance; i bought the judges' loyalty with money because i am rich" "wait who's rich" "this black guy" "a rich black person?!" "is he a basketball player" "or a drug dealer" "or a drug-dealing basketball player" "NO MATTER MY MOVES ARE SO SWEET THAT EVEN MONEY CANNOT SWAY THE JUDGES FROM ELECTING ME AS WINNER" "we will see" "yes we will; we will ALL SEE" Taylor grabs his surfboard and heads out to the surfing arena. "ON YOUR MARK GET SET YES" Taylor rocks off from the gate and grabs the flag. Taylor carefully navigates back to land, avoiding sharks, seaweed, and A HAiry man wearing a speedo. "oh my god those moves were so sweet" "taylor is the winner!!!" "WHAT I WANT MY MONEY BACK" Tyrone stomps over to the judges' table and grabs their dollars. "why did he take my dollars" "i needed those dollars" "now how am i going to buy my kids A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Hungry Hungry Hippos. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Sheriff Antony runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of imagination. Imagination shoots from Sheriff Antony's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job sheriff antony" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR NINE:
"oh fuck yeah another great day in the city of boston, the capital of alabama; a perfect day for some motherfucking SHERIFFING" Sheriff Antony struts down Broadway Avenue Street, proud of the fact that he is the sole protector of truth and justice in this city; this country. "HELPPPPPPP" "A CITIZEN IN PERIL" The Sheriff Antony symbol flashes on-screen. "WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM MA'AM" "I AM BEING MURDERED" "oh dear; by whom" "... this guy who is stabbing me?" "i need a name and an address ma'am" "i uh" "come back when you have details for me to work with, lady" "wait no wait help" Sheriff Antony struts away from the murder scene, lighting up a Sheriff Antony-brand cigar. "i am proud of the fact that i am single-handedly keeping this city safe from those who would wish to harm it" "word up my nigga" Sheriff Antony and the murderer pound their fists together, and Sheriff Antony hands the murderer a cigar. Sheriff Antony then turns and walks off toward his city, ready to protect it from any who would attempt to harm its citizens, such as A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Leapfrog. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Kathy runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of knives. Knives shoots from Kathy's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job kathy" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TEN:
"okay i couldn't terrorise your city, but how about these LEGENDARY WEAPONS" "well uh" "they don't look so legendary to me" "but they were used to slay the horrible monster!!!" "what horrible monster" "you know that one that was terrorising that nation" "what nation" "uh the people's republic of china" "what was the beast's name" "uh ching chong chang" "oh yeah; the man who made sub-par chinese food and sold it at ridiculous prices" "history's greatest monster" The five pay for their legendary swords and exit the factory, and are immediately eaten by a giant plant. "aw we didn't even have time to make snide comments" "and i had the best one lined up!!!" "really what was it" "nah the moment's passed" "come on tell me" "no" "please" "okay, it was 'that-'" "no you have to do the voice" "the... voice?" "you know the bran voice" "you mean... my voice?" "no i mean the 'oh look i am bran rargh'" "oh right; ahem: 'that is the third-largest plant i have ever seen'" "..." "..." "even better the fourth time" "anyway now how do we get out of here" "taylor, use your grass powers!!!" "i have wind powers" "goddammit" "why are you so useless taylor" "hey i have an idea" "tell me the idea" "let's BURN the plant" "..." "..." "EIF THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY JOKES" "HEY MY JOKES ARE GREAT" "0/10" "FUCK" "guys let's ICE the plant" "great idea bran!!!" "but guys fire-" "eif stop being mad just because your power is shitty and not very effective against grass" Bran blasts the planet with ice, freeing the five. "it sure is cold here in the vacuum of space" "i've been colder" Suddenly, someone changes the bag. "oh no i did not see this coming" The five are emptied into a trash can, where they find A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Tony Hawk's American Sk8land. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Mr. Sock runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of sandals. Sandals shoots from Mr. Sock's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job mr sock" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR ELEVEN:
"oh fuck i'm so hungry but all i have is this ultra-salty beef jerky and i am watching my blood pressure" "hmm it seems like you could benefit from..." A large, flaky puff of pastry appears in Amiee :3's hand. "pastry" "c-can i have some pastry" "my family has a saying; give a man a pastry and you can charge $4.99 a bunch of times; give a man the power of pastry and you can charge $19.95 once" "i'll take it" "BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE call now and you will get the book of pastry which has pictures and shit!!!" "yes give-" "BUT WAIT TH-" "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY" Amiee :3 exchanges her product for Brucie's money. "finally!!!" Brucie stuffs the compact disc into his mouth and immediately spits it out. "ugh this tastes like garbage" "i never said it was good pastry" Amiee :3 moseys off and moseys straight into A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Maths Blaster. "So Like" "yeah?" "What Now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "But I Already Have Them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "Take That Back" "okay yeah that was mean" "Okay" Robert Truckdriver runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of Damage Inc.. Damage Inc. shoots from Robert Truckdriver's right hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job robert truckdriver" "yeah you're pretty cool" "You Mean It?!" "no" "fuck"

CHAPTOUR TWELVE:
"well here he is; the villain, i mean" "where i don't see him" "just behind this door" "oh cool" Jakey, Eif, Bran, Taylor, and Tony stand in an orderly, single-file line and politely open the door. "honey i'm ho-" The villain's sword pierces all five of their hearts. "aw nuts" The five fall over dead.

CHAPTOUR THIRTEEN:
"mother i have returned" "who are you" "your son, tony" "i don't have a son" "but wait that means..." Tony fades from existence. "..." "..." "how did" "lo all" Stevman teleports in on his time machine, does a kneeslide, and plays a powerchord. "THAT'S OUR STEVMAN" Michelle walks up to the group and rests her arms on their shoulders. "take me home"
THE END